AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay so yeah, the Monday/Thursday thing isn't working out for me. I'm too excited to post these next few chapters, so here is #8. As always, thanks for your reviews (broken record, I know) and kind words! Depending on how far ahead I can get in writing, #9 may show up on Saturday or Sunday. This one is the longest chapter so far, and for good reason! I hope you enjoy.
CHAPTER EIGHT
As Kendall brushed his teeth early the next morning, he wandered to the bathroom door and gazed at Logan, who wrestled unconsciously for those last glorious minutes of sleep. Kendall couldn't help but feel something tugging at his heartstrings. That was his best friend...his best friend. The awkward, sometimes clumsy, sometimes naive, but always loyal egghead was his best friend, and Kendall felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have him.
A good night's sleep had done him a world of good. He was centered again, he was in charge again. The night before, he'd almost gotten to that point...he'd almost had his defenses worn down. But not anymore. Today was a new day, and he was going to take the bull by the horns.
He went to spit out the toothpaste and wash his face, and he was reminded of the promise he'd made to himself. He was going to fix this. Everything. He would help Logan get to a good mental state, and everything would be great. Today, he decided, he would do his best to make it a pleasant day for Logan, partly because he felt a little guilty for the night before. Logan had indeed told him that he wasn't ready to start seeing other girls yet, but Kendall had insisted on rushing things with Michelle. Fine. He learned his lesson. Today, though, he'd make up for all of that. He would do all of Logan's little chores, and he would open himself up to go out and do anything Logan wanted to do. It had been a while since they'd had time together, with no one else around, and he figured they'd both appreciate a fresh reminder of why they were such good friends. And they'd find a girl for Logan...someone, somewhere. And things would be wonderful.
All in due time, Kendall thought to himself. All in due time.
Just as Kendall finished up in the bathroom, Logan was stirring out of bed.
"Good morning!" Kendall greeted cheerfully with just the tiniest dose of hesitation. He regarded Logan for a minute with a bright, sunny smile. "What are we doing today?"
Logan plopped out of bed onto the floor then shuffled to the bathroom. "I have to pee."
Kendall raised his eyebrows but immediately set out to make Logan's bed up. When Logan returned, he was confused.
"Kendall...what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kendall asked matter-of-factly as he tucked the sheets under the mattress.
Logan, still shaking off the sleep, rubbed his forehead. "But you don't even make your own bed," he said, pointing to the war zone Kendall called a comfortable night's sleep.
"So? Today, I felt like making yours," Kendall said. In minutes, the job was done, and it was a good one at that.
"Okay," Logan nodded. He shouldn't have been surprised one bit that the sight of Kendall making his bed for him turned him on. Not sexually, but emotionally. They were coming early today...the Kendall cramps. As soon as Kendall started doing something that was so very "Kendall" of him, Logan would get that heartsick feeling that came from longing for Kendall and realizing he couldn't have him.
Kendall didn't stop there. At breakfast, he poured Logan's orange juice, and he squeezed syrup on Logan's pancakes. Logan couldn't shake the dream he'd had that night, and Kendall's sunny disposition made him feel even better about it. Those pills had had a wild effect on him, because even now, he was still wondering...what if he did it today? Just told Kendall everything? Oh, he could just imagine Kendall's gorgeous, dimpled smile. Kendall would throw that arm around him and promise to make it all better. Logan would tell Kendall to keep his arms to himself, though, if he really wanted to make it better, and Kendall would laugh. Weeks would go by, maybe a month, and Kendall would start to pull away...spend less time with him. Logan flinched a little as he knew that would probably hurt him, but the ends would justify the means. When it would all be said and done, he'd no longer have such a silly little crush on his best friend, and their friendship would be strengthened.
I'll do it, Logan said to himself as he left the breakfast area to get his phone out his room. Today. I'll do it today.
Of course, the swiftness with which he'd made this choice was not lost on him one bit. Just a day earlier, he'd been ready to do whatever it took - no matter how radical - to get over Kendall. He'd let the stress get to his very core and make him angry, but that dream...whatever purpose it was supposed to have, it was working. He believed in that dream...he believed it could become a reality. Telling Kendall was going to work in his favor, and he thought himself silly for ever thinking it could break their bond. Kendall was making his bed and serving him breakfast...that kind of guy wouldn't get all up in arms over a little crush, would he?
The nagging reminders to "get out" and "meet people" still tugged at him, but he made a solid decision to ignore them. Dr. Riley was nice, but Logan felt like he'd had an epiphany in his sleep, and so now he would only listen to his own instincts. The plan would still be the same, of course. Get over Kendall. But now, Kendall would be in on the plan, and how could that hurt anything? If Kendall was in on the plan, he could take a proactive role in carrying it out. It made sense to him...maybe because he was desperate for it to make sense, maybe because he was terrified of "getting out" and "meeting people." Whatever his reasons were, Logan decided that this would be his new course of action, and the sour feeling that sprung up in his stomach upon making such a quick, rash, radical decision would have to be ignored.
He ran to the bathroom to throw some water on his face. Almost immediately, the little voice in his head began to talk to him. "What are you doing?" it asked. "Now you're going to just tell him? Really? Yesterday, you were ready to forget about him, but now you're going to tell him. All because of a dream you had when you were doped up on sleeping pills. You can't make up your mind, can you? It's because you're losing your mind, that's why! You're going absolutely crazy, Hortense! You'll never be happy!"
"Yes, I will," Logan replied in gritted teeth as he looked himself up and down in the mirror.
Logan grabbed his phone and a book off his nightstand and his journal off the floor (it was safer in his arms than it was just lying around). He hesitated rejoining the others. He had no idea how he was going to go about this...how exactly would one divulge such a secret? Should he do it here, in the apartment, or down by the pool? No, the pool was too public. Maybe at the beach, in Kendall's secret spot. No...he'd get cold feet there. The apartment would have to be it, it seemed. As soon as he could get Carlos and James out, he'd sit down on the couch, and Kendall would more than likely join him, and they'd kick up a conversation about something random...somehow, Logan would segue into his big announcement, and then things would go on from there.
This had to work, he said to himself. But then again, he'd said the same thing about his date with Michelle, and that hadn't been so great.
"Don't you guys wish you had a best friend like me?" Kendall said obnoxiously to James and Carlos as he took Logan's plate to the sink.
Carlos's face turned to mush. "But...but...I thought...I...I thought we were all best friends with each other!"
"It's all right, Carlos! I'm your best friend, and your best friend is cooler, taller, and better looking than Logan's best friend," James offered, giving himself a quick look over in his mirror.
"Relax, guys," Kendall said. "I'm just trying to cheer him up. He's still a little down about Camille leaving, so he needs all of our support, all right?"
Carlos turned to James, oblivious to anything Kendall had said. "Your best friend has a super cool safety helmet, and Kendall's does not!"
"So, what are you guys up to today?" Logan asked as he returned and sat at the kitchen counter with the others. This was his subtle way of making sure they'd be out of the apartment. Mrs. Knight and Katie had already gone to get early seats at a concert.
"There's an acting workshop downtown," said James. "I'm going to get a few pointers - and a few actresses."
Carlos shook his head. "Well, I'm going to the park! I saw the most beautiful girl there yesterday, and today, I'm going to buy her a corn dog."
"Very romantic," said Kendall sarcastically.
"I know!" Carlos replied excitedly.
Kendall rolled his eyes as he finished with the dishes. "Well, me and you, Logan, are going to relax by the pool all day."
No, Logan thought, no...we have to stay in here.
"You know, that sounds nice, but I thought maybe we'd play a little World of Halo Fantasy 6," he said, hoping Kendall would go with it.
"That's fine with me," said Kendall. "Whatever you want to do is what I want to do." Once again with the sunny smile and twinkling eyes.
Logan found himself smiling and twinkling back, but there was a bit of relief in it because today would be the day. He was going to tell Kendall, and things would be okay. He'd no longer have to restrain himself from getting wrapped up in Kendall's smile...no, he'd just be able to say, "Kendall, you're doing it again, you're smiling at me and stealing my heart again..." Kendall would stop, they'd laugh, and that would be the end of it. This is what he should have done ages ago...forcing himself to forget Kendall could only backfire, but this? Telling him the truth? This was a surefire plan!
Today would be the day. And Logan was nervous as hell.
"You know, I think I will go down by the pool for a little while," he said, slipping off his stool and going for the door. "I can read a few chapters from Unsolved Algorithms, and some of this morning air should do wonders for my sinuses."
"You do that, buddy," Kendall encouraged. "I'll finish cleaning up in here, and then I'll set up the game. Non-stop World of Halo Fantasy 6 all day!"
"Sounds good," Logan said as he left. Yes, it sounded good indeed. Kendall would be in too good of a mood to ever let a thing like love ruin his day. As Logan walked down the hall, he felt so dumb for ever thinking he couldn't tell Kendall the truth. But this was the day...and it was going to be awesome.
Back in the apartment, James searched all over the living room for his engraved journal. He had a knack for losing it, and the sight of him tearing through the sofa cushions, digging in cabinets, and destroying everything he could to find it was not uncommon.
"I was writing like...the best song ever!" he yelled. "It was all about me and you guys, but mostly me!"
"You know what? I think you left it in our room," Kendall suggested. Always the voice of reason. Really, the voice of common sense.
James let out a mini-scream as he dashed for Kendall and Logan's room. The journals all looked the same, except for the tiny monograms in the corner of their covers. When James spotted "his" journal lying on the floor next to Logan's bed, he was so relieved that he didn't see the "LM" engraving.
He thumbed through the pages, anxious to give his "Big Time James" a look over with fresh eyes, but he didn't find the lyrics he'd written. Instead, he found some kind of bizarre scribbling that looked nothing like his own handwriting.
"'Logan...Knight?'" he read, though that couldn't have been right. He gave a quick look to the cover and saw Logan's initials. But "Logan Knight"...what did that mean? He looked at another page. "Kendall loves Logan."
He thumbed through more of the pages, silently skimming through various scribbles. Math problems here, scientific formulas there. More "Kendall loves Logan," "Logan loves Kendall," "Kendall and Logan Forever," "The wedding of Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell - Friday, February 14, 2020." Mini-scream.
"Whoa," he quietly whispered, his mind completely and utterly blown. James was no idiot, so the pieces of the puzzle slowly came together, or so he thought. So Logan...has a crush on Kendall. Logan...is gay! And has a crush...on Kendall!
But wait! He cast a glance at Logan's perfectly-made bed...then to Kendall's messy bed. Then back to Logan's...and back to Kendall's. One of these beds wasn't slept in last night, he thought. And "Kendall loves Logan."
"Cheering up," my ass, he thought. "Some support," my ass. "Best friend," my ass.
"They're fucking," he suddenly said quietly, as if he'd just discovered the cure for cancer. An amused grin came across his face. "Those two are fucking."
"Hey, did you find it?" Kendall asked as he suddenly appeared in the doorway. James, startled to death, almost dropped the journal and glanced at Kendall, wide-eyed, as if he'd been caught with his pants down.
"No," he said. "No, this is...Logan's."
"Are you sure?" Kendall asked, coming closer and reaching for the journal. "I thought he had his when he left."
James slammed it shut and threw it on Logan's bed. "No, it's his. See? LM. Right there on the cover."
"Oh."
"Yeah. I'm just...gonna leave that right there," James said. He began to back out of the room as Kendall stared at him.
"Dude, what's wrong? You're acting like you just stole an extra cookie at bed time!" Kendall laughed.
James giggled nervously. "Um...actually...last night, I did do...exactly that. My conscience said to take one, but I took two. Guilty as charged!"
And with that, he slipped out of the room. Kendall could only shake his head as he ignored the journal lying on Logan's bed.
Yes, Kendall was sure of himself and his abilities again. Logan would be happy soon enough. He'd take his time to refocus himself in reality, and then he'd get with a new girl. Logan would be happy. Kendall would be happy. Jo would probably be happy. Everyone would be just so damn happy, and things would be the way they were supposed to be. That's all Kendall wanted. That's it.
Besides, he'd been feeling lately that they'd all been taking Logan for granted. Yeah, they ribbed him a little for being such a brainiac, but they all loved their little smart friend. He'd always lend an ear to whichever problems they'd have, and Kendall remembered one such instance as he straightened out their closet and put Logan's journal on his book shelf.
Boxes still filled up almost all available space in the apartment. Six people had moved in - four of them being teenage boys - and that meant tons of clothes, shoes, hockey sticks, comic books, video games, and other personal possessions. The boxes were stacked up seven high, and it was hard to navigate, but everyone had been busy doing other things to really take time to have things settled.
While his friends were out by the pool, Kendall was holed up amongst the boxes in their apartment, trying his best to keep himself together. He was restless, and he was upset. His whole world had changed in an instant, before he could even think about it, and in just a matter of about a month, he'd gone from living a fairly happy existence in Minnesota to embarking on something completely new and different here on the West Coast. He'd had high hopes, and he had enjoyed the first few days of California living very well. The pool, the drinks, the girls...but homesickness had fallen upon him with the quickness. This place wasn't home to him, and he couldn't imagine it ever being home to him. He liked snow and hot cocoa in the winter and green prairies in the spring. Perpetual summer was nice, but it wasn't home.
"Kendall? Kendall!" he heard Logan call out. "Are you in here?"
No answer, but Logan could see Kendall's door key on the kitchen counter. Quietly, he began to stalk through the boxes until he found a small clearing near the stairs. Kendall sat on the bottom step with his earphones tucked firmly in and his head buried in a tattered old notebook.
Kendall looked up at Logan but didn't say a word.
Their eyes were trained on each other, and a startled and shaky Logan inched closer and closer until he sat on the floor. Through the corner of his eye, he could see on the notebook pages all of the old hockey stats that Kendall had kept record of since they were in middle school.
"Wow," he said, amazed to see the old thing. "I didn't know you still had that."
Kendall defiantly closed the notebook and let it drop to the floor.
"Come on," said Logan. "It's not that bad."
"Remember the camping trips? And the lake trips?" Kendall suddenly inquired. "Remember ice skating and being able to play hockey outside on a real rink? We can't do that here. Snowball fights, Mrs. Magicowski's apple pie...my old room...my grandma's grave. None of that is here."
Logan gulped. He didn't really know what to say. Kendall was right, of course. There were a lot of good things back home in Minnesota that they'd left behind, but the chance to explore a new part of the country was too exciting.
"Don't get me wrong," Kendall continued. "I'm glad James is getting to live his dream. I'm extremely happy for him. But what about me and you? We had our own dreams. You want to be a doctor, and I want to be a hockey player, but now what do we do?" He buried his head in his knees and sighed. "I just don't like it when things change.
Logan rest his hand on Kendall's back. He remembered when Kendall's parents had divorced and how Kendall had cried his eyes out. He didn't want to ever see his best friend cry again.
"You know, Kendall," he began, looking for the right words, "just because things around us change, it doesn't mean we have to change." That sounded good, and it made sense. "So there won't be snow, so we'll have to play at an indoor rink, so the only apple pie we'll be getting is from McDonald's. But your mom is here, and so is your sister, and so are James and Carlos...and me. And I promised you a long time ago that I would never change."
Kendall scowled at him. "What are you trying to say?"
"I don't know," Logan answered, discouraged. He just wanted to make things better, but it didn't look like that was working.
Kendall groaned and stood up. "What you're trying to say is that if we don't let Hollywood change us, things will be fine."
"Um...sure?"
Kendall paced around the small of the area. "California may be the polar opposite of Minnesota, but we're still the same, and we can't let all of the superficial stuff affect us. No matter what, we have to remember who we are, where we come from, and what we stand for."
Logan nodded in wide-eyed agreement. He had no idea where this was coming from, but Kendall was now standing and smiling, so he didn't care. As long as there were no tears.
"You know, I was seriously thinking about calling it quits on the whole thing," said Kendall, "but you've changed my mind." His eyes glowed at Logan.
Logan blushed. "Nah, I think I just helped you realize something that you already knew."
They smiled at each other for a second, both happy and glad to be doing this crazy new thing among good friends. Neither one knew what Hollywood would come to mean to them, but it didn't matter. They were in it together, and that's the way they'd always be.
"Last one down is a rotten egg!" Kendall shouted as he raced up the stairs to the slide.
"Kendall, wait!" Logan tried to warn him, but it was too late. He could hear the epic crash and burn. "The end of the slide is blocked by boxes..."
"Yeah, I figured that out."
What a great memory, Kendall thought.
And they'd have many, many more in the future, more memories just like that one. Two best friends helping each other out.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Jo didn't know what exactly she was looking for, but she knew it was there. It had to be. It just...felt right. She was an actress. She played the leading lady on a hit teen drama. She knew romance. She knew what it looked like when someone was in love. And she saw it every time Logan Mitchell came sniffing around her boyfriend.
But that was a horrible way of putting it. Logan didn't "sniff" around Kendall. They were best friends, and they had been for years. Logan could be introverted, but Kendall was very extroverted, and they evened each other out well. From the very beginning, Jo could see why they were such close friends, and she could see just how close they were. She'd had her suspicions, but Kendall had a way of showing her how much he loved her. Every picnic that she might not have appreciated, every candlelight dinner, every evening on the beach, every hug, every kiss, every night they could manage to be alone, and every time Kendall would exert his masculinity on her...and in her. She knew she was loved.
But Logan. There was something about the way the cute, raven-haired guy looked at Kendall with a plain and clear affection. Sure, all of the boys loved each other. They were friends, and they'd gone through a lot together. But the way Logan looked at Kendall was different...much different. There was feeling in those eyes, there was longing, and Jo had seen it enough times to let her suspicions get stronger.
She often wondered if there had been something in Kendall and Logan's past. What if they'd done something when they were younger and more curious, and Logan just couldn't let it go? What if Kendall wasn't as over it as she hoped he would be? What if Logan and Kendall were doing things behind her back, still, and laughing about it in her face?
That's why she was so damn insecure about Kendall. That's why she couldn't trust him. Jordin Sparks? Please. All those times Jo had seen Kendall in various states of intimacy with the lovely Miss Sparks, it had awakened all of the things she'd feared of Logan. That crazed fan at the guys' beach party? Once again, Jo could only think about Logan and his effect on Kendall. It almost became an obsession, to the point where she'd gotten just a little resentful of Logan.
She had reason to be jealous. All of the little inside jokes Logan and Kendall had, the way one could convey his thoughts to the other with just one look. The way they sometimes finished each other's sentences, too. The way Logan knew that Kendall loved his pink smoothies. The way Kendall never missed a chance to bring Logan somewhere, to experience something new with him. The way Kendall took Logan in his arms and kissed him on the lips. But that one had just been a nightmare Jo'd had.
Still, though, she didn't hate Logan. She could be jealous, she could be a little resentful, but she did not hate him, and if her suspicions were correct - and she just knew they were - she wouldn't hold it against him. She'd make him understand that Kendall belonged to her, but she wasn't out for blood.
She was a smart girl. Smarter than anyone had ever given her credit for. But she was also driven. Sometimes, she'd lose her way, but she'd always have her eyes on the prize. And this time? The prize was a confession, some kind of confirmation, that her suspicions were right.
She spied Logan as he lay on a chair by the Palm Woods pool. This was the guy she was so sure was trying to ruin her relationship. This feeble little dork was the guy she was somewhat afraid of, if she'd ever let herself admit to being afraid of anything. She couldn't believe it herself at times, but looks could be deceiving.
Though she tried to wait in the shadows, Logan was sure it was her. He could see her through the corner of his eye, and it had to be her. But...it couldn't be her! She wasn't supposed to be there...not on this day. This day was supposed to be about him and Kendall being friends, being best friends. They'd play video games, and then Logan would tell him, and Kendall would understand, and things would be great. Of course, she would come back - she had to, because she was essential to the plan - but she wasn't supposed to be back today. Not today.
But it was her.
"Logan! You're just the guy I was looking for," Jo said as she appeared next to Logan's chaise by the pool.
"Jo," he said, casually slipping the journal under the chair and out of view. He'd been so wrapped up in his book that he'd never noticed the initials on the cover. "I thought...aren't you supposed to be in Hawaii?"
Jo made herself comfortable on the chaise next to Logan's. "Yes, well, we took an early flight back."
"So you went to Hawaii for a few hours of publicity work...at night?"
"Yes."
"Oh...okay." Something felt fishy about the whole thing.
Jo put on her shades and lay back coolly in her chair.
Logan did his best to keep it together. Okay, so Jo was back early. That wouldn't ruin his plan. Kendall wouldn't let her get in the way of their day. She'd go off with her friends again like she'd done at the beach the day before, and Kendall and Logan would have some alone time, just like at the beach. Only this time, Logan would cut the Camille crap and just tell Kendall the truth. Jo being back would not change anything.
"Where's Kendall?" she asked casually, not wanting her motivations to become obvious.
"Upstairs," Logan replied. He tried to remain cool and calm. This wasn't going to bother him, it wasn't going to get to him. Besides, he had no right to let this get to him. Jo was Kendall's girlfriend, and she had a right to know where he was.
Ugh, Logan thought to himself. You're overreacting again.
"I guess he'll come down and drag me off to go somewhere or do something with him," said Jo.
No, he isn't, thought Logan.
"Um...actually...we have plans for today," he said. God, he didn't want that to sound strange or weird or anything, but how could it not? He felt like he was claiming ownership of Kendall, but in a way, he was. He had eight years with Kendall compared to Jo's two. He wasn't above telling a bitch to back off and know her role, but he had to remind himself that that wasn't his plan. His plan was to get over Kendall, not try to make him into something he wasn't.
"Oh," Jo replied. She began to lotion her arms and legs. "Then I guess it's you who he'll be dragging off then."
"Heh."
She grew quiet. This wasn't going to be easy. She couldn't just come right out and ask him, "Hey, you wanna fuck my man, don't you?" That would just lack class. And, plus, she knew it was deeper than just sex. If she wanted to get the information she wanted, that confirmation, she'd have to go in around the outside, be discrete, and then go in for the ambush. Damn, she thought, I've been auditioning for way too many war movies.
She put the lotion down and swung her legs over the side of her chair to face Logan. Logan could feel the pressure, but he didn't want to look at her. It was as if, somehow, she knew what he was planning to do that day. But she couldn't...could she? How could she ever know? What signs had he ever sent to her to let her know that he wanted Kendall?
No, he decided. She doesn't know. Just being paranoid...again.
"Logan, we need to talk," she said.
He almost dropped his book. "Talk? We don't...we don't need to talk...do we?"
Jo smiled, trying to keep things light and comfortable. "I think we do."
No, Logan thought. No...no.
There was something about the way she looked at him. He could just tell. But how could she possibly know?
"Uh...what do you want to talk about? I mean, what do you think we have to talk about?" he clumsily asked.
"About me...about you...about Kendall."
But she couldn't know! He scrambled for another explanation and found one. Kendall had done it again. Kendall had freaking done it again. Logan had told him in no uncertain terms that he had no feelings whatsoever for Jo. But Kendall went and told Jo that he did. And now Jo was here to give him those crushing, heartbreaking words. "You're a nice guy, but I see you as just a friend." That's what she would say.
But Logan got a hold of himself. He didn't even like Jo that way, so why would those words be crushing to him?
"Listen," he said, "I don't know what Kendall told you, but trust me, it's not true."
Jo was confused. "Kendall didn't tell me anything."
"He didn't?"
"No. Was he supposed to tell me something?"
"Oh," Logan said, "um...nothing. It's nothing."
"No," she said, leaning over to his chair, almost getting in his face. "What was he supposed to tell me?"
"It's nothing to worry about! It's nothing."
This was why, right here. This was why Jo was always so damn suspicious of Kendall, and Logan too. This. How could he say something like that but then not explain to her what he'd meant? Did he want her to run away with wild assumptions and suspicions and fears? She was trying to be nice to him, but he didn't seem to appreciate it. This was why. Exactly why.
Keep your cool, she told herself. Keep it together. Remember your lines.
"See, this is what I wanted to talk about," she said, trying hard to keep control over the tone of her voice. "Look, I know Kendall's your best friend, and you look out for him, and...and I know that I haven't always been the best girlfriend to him."
Logan put down his book.
Jo continued. "But I'm trying to do better, Logan, I swear. I know that you have your reasons to not like me or whatever, but-"
"I like you, Jo," Logan interjected. "I mean...I don't not like you."
"Come on, Logan," she said with a smirk, "you don't have to lie to me. I mean, I'm not completely stupid. Yesterday, at the beach, you couldn't wait for me to leave."
"That's not true!"
"Oh, it's not? Sure. What about all the times me, you, and Kendall go somewhere, and you just stand there, and you don't even talk to me?"
"I just figure you and Kendall would rather talk to each other," he squeaked.
Jo took a deep breath to center herself then smiled. She didn't want this to be tense...she didn't want Logan to be afraid to just tell her the truth. She wasn't going to hate him or hit him or blab his secret to everyone else. She just wanted the truth.
"Logan, please, just...if you have a problem with me, just let me know. And don't tell me you don't, because I know you do."
Logan clung to the back of his chair. He wanted to just get up and go, run away from her questions, but he couldn't. What was she looking for? Why was she suddenly hounding him over this? Okay, yes, sometimes he could be contemptuous of her. What the hell, he was VERY contemptuous of her. He was jealous of her, he didn't like the way she treated Kendall. But, damn it, sometimes, like this moment, she could really make him feel guilty for being inconsiderate of her feelings. She wasn't supposed to know that he didn't like the job she was doing as Kendall's girl...she wasn't supposed to know that Logan felt Kendall could do better...she wasn't supposed to know that he wanted Kendall.
But she couldn't. How could she know?
He could feel the skin peeling off his body and his hair falling out, follicle by follicle. "I don't know what you want me to say," he said slowly.
"I want you to say...I want you to say..." She knew what she wanted him to say, but she couldn't be the one to bring it up. It had to be him. "Tell me that you think I don't deserve him! Tell me that you think he should be with-!" She caught herself and waited with baited breath.
Me, Logan wanted to say. Me! He should be with me! And you know it! You know it!
Did it matter if she knew? He was going to tell Kendall...but Kendall wouldn't have told her. It would have been their little secret. Telling Jo wasn't necessary...she was just a tool, an object, in the plan. She didn't have to know.
But it didn't matter now, because she knew. She obviously knew.
His silence spoke volumes.
"Jo, I'm sorry," he said. "If...if I ever came across as an asshole to you, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry!" she exclaimed, her nerves getting jumpy. "Don't apologize! Just own it! Own it! Say it!"
Shortly before Jo made this demand, Kendall had come down from Apartment 2J. Like Logan, he'd done a double take upon seeing her. She was supposed to be in Hawaii, not here. When did she get in? He'd just spoken with her on the phone shortly before Logan had waken up, and she'd said nothing about being back in California. And why would she go on a publicity trip to Hawaii only to come back the very next morning? It made no sense.
Why were she and Logan having what seemed to be a very intense conversation? Why was she standing over his chair? Why was she...yelling at him? Kendall couldn't hear their words, but he could see their faces, and he wasn't going to let this happen. He knew Jo could get jealous, and bringing Logan to the beach the previous day had set her off, but Kendall went head first into everything he did, and today, he was going to be the best friend Logan needed. Jo's tantrums weren't gonna get in the way of that.
"Jo," he called as he approached them. "What are you doing here, and why are you yelling at Logan?"
Jo, desperate for Logan to just come right out and say what she wanted to hear, turned to Kendall and felt a sudden and violent urge to tackle him into the pool. Did he not know that she was an inch away from getting Logan to open up, to say the truth, to finally reveal everything? Did he not know that she was doing this for him? And for Logan? And for herself? Oh, she already knew what Logan was thinking, she already knew that Logan wanted Kendall. She could see it on his terrified, cowering face, but she wanted the confirmation, that solid, concrete piece of truth. She just wanted to hear Logan said it, because it was always the not knowing that hurt the most.
"I'm just..." she began, ransacking her brain for a suitable excuse. "I'm telling him that he needs to call Michelle and apologize for the way he acted last night!"
"What?" Logan exclaimed.
Kendall reacted with confusion. "Wait a minute, why should Logan have to apologize to her?" he asked. "The way it seems to me, she should be the one saying 'I'm sorry,' not Logan."
Jo's and Logan's eyes met. He could read her face. She knew, but she wasn't going to say anything, and he could feel an unexpected, but very welcome, relief fill his body.
"What are you even doing here?" Kendall asked again. "When did you get in from Hawaii?"
"This morning," Jo answered, preparing a lie. "We...we came back early. The venue...the venue. Uh, the venue, it had some problems, a roach infestation or something like that. I don't know. I don't care."
Feeling like she'd been cheated out of her sweet confirmation, she slumped back down on her chair. She didn't want to hurt Logan, and she knew if she made him say it in front of Kendall...that would have killed him. It would have killed her, too, because she didn't know how Kendall would react or what that reaction would mean for her. No, it was best to keep it quiet for now.
"Oh," said Kendall, glad to see that this situation wasn't as bad he'd thought it was. "Well...don't take it out on Logan, okay?" he suggested to Jo as he squatted between the two lounge chairs.
Of course you're primarily concerned with his feelings, Jo thought. He comes before me on the list of priorities...always.
She just nodded her head and slipped on her shades. "Michelle called me last night and said that she had a horrible time," she announced, effortlessly falling into character and checking Logan to make sure he was following her lead.
Kendall looked to Logan caringly. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," Logan said.
Kendall turned back to Jo. "Yeah, well, Logan didn't have much of a great time, either. It might have helped if there had been another couple there to double date with them, but that idea...for whatever reason...seems totally radical to me."
"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Jo asked. "My work is very important, and I can't just call our producer a turd like you do with Gustavo."
Logan glanced over at her as she lay proudly on the chair. He couldn't see her eyes behind the sunglasses, but there was a feeling stirring inside him. Jo knew, all right...she knew, but she also cared. Somehow, for some reason, she cared about him, and she wasn't going to ruin his life, even though she had all the tools necessary to do so.
And, as Kendall and Jo continued with their harmless back-and-forth bickering, Logan began to wonder...what if he tried to explain it to her? What if he told her that she had nothing to worry about because Logan wasn't trying to rob her of her boyfriend. Even though he wanted to, of course. But that wasn't what he was trying to do, and he wanted her to understand that. Maybe, just maybe, she could be of enormous help to him.
So...don't tell Kendall, he thought. Tell Kendall nothing...tell Jo everything.
"Well, time for me to kick your ass in World of Halo Fantasy," Kendall said to Logan as he rose to his feet.
"Um...what about Jo?" Logan asked, eying both of them.
"What about her?"
"Oh please, Logan," said Jo, "you know I have no interest in playing that stupid game. I'm going shopping."
Jo got up and moved in on Kendall. "I'll see you later," she said with a kiss. As she walked away, she couldn't help but feel ashamed of herself. Did she really have to do that? Did she really have to bring Logan that close to self-destruction? Did she have to break him down that way? And for what? It didn't matter. She'd been a girl on a mission, and that mission was accomplished.
Besides, this couldn't be a bad thing. Oh, maybe it would be at first, but in the long run? Honesty was always a good thing. Always. Except for when she had to lie to get what she wanted. But if Logan wanted Kendall, fine. He'd have to get over it sooner or later because Kendall belonged to her, and she was very capable of reminding him of that fact.
Kendall and Logan started on their way back to the apartment, but Logan's great feelings about the day were gone, gone, gone. Jo knew. She fucking knew. But Jo cared. If she wanted to destroy him, she would have done it right then and there.
But what if she wanted something from him? What if she was planning to save this information for when she'd really need it. Oh God...what would she make him do to keep her silence? What embarrassing, humiliating things would she make him do?
Logan could have cried. He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to. This was just...it was too much. It was just too much. He had to explain himself to her. He had to reach her. He had to let her know that he wasn't out to get Kendall from her, that he just wanted the opposite. She'd have to understand, right? And then, maybe, Kendall wouldn't even have to know. Jo could be his saving grace. She'd insist upon Kendall spending all of his free time with her, not Logan, and slowly, but surely, Kendall would be out of sight and out of mind.
Except for at night, when they'd sleep in the same room.
In the back of his mind, he knew nothing would change, but he had to do something. Anything!
Get to Jo, he told himself as he and Kendall sat down to play their game. Get to Jo, and get her on your side.
NOTE: Hmm...what does Jo have up her sleeve? And oh my God, what is JAMES going to do with what he thinks is the truth? Keep reading to find out!