AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whew! This one was VERY HARD to write. Like...you have NO IDEA. But I got it done! If it seems a little "all over the place," I sincerely apologize, but...it was a killer to write! There are no flashbacks or dreams in this chapter. I actually had two ideas I was working with, but neither one of them really flowed well, and either one of them would have put this chapter well over 8500 words! Thank you all for your comments, and happy reading!

AUTHOR'S NOTE (09/17): The major revisions to this chapter are in the second scene. Everything else is basically the same.

CHAPTER NINE

This would have been the moment, he thought. Right now, I'd be telling him...and right now, he'd be laughing...and now, I'd tell him that I was being serious. He'd stop, look at me, smile...then he'd say he knew all along. And I'd smile. And he'd hug me.

I'm such a coward. A loser.

Logan could barely keep his grip on the game controller because his nerves were just that tattered, his body just that weak. Everything in his life was happening too fast in the last couple of days...just too fast. Too many decisions, too many plans, too many things to get in his way. Just what was he supposed to do now?

He thought about Jo. Where was she now? Probably out shopping, like she said she'd be. With friends whom she'd tell about him, friends who would laugh and laugh at some poor kid they didn't even know.

But Jo cares, he reminded himself. Jo cares.

Kendall was mellow. Normally, he'd be in the middle of merrily destroying Logan, chopping his head off and dancing in a pool of his blood, but today...today just felt different. For a minute, he felt old, as if the happy times of days gone by were just a distant memory now, never to return because life would never be a place of happiness anymore. How could it be, when there was always something new sprouting up to give him problems?

But I'm fixing it, he said to himself as he prepared to confront Logan. I'm fixing it.

"Okay, what would you rather be doing?" he asked as he got up to turn off the game.

"What do you mean?" Logan replied slowly.

"You're sitting there...obviously somewhere else."

"Oh, it's nothing..." He looked down, but he could feel Kendall's eyes on him.

Kendall knew "fixing it" wasn't going to be easy, but it was his job and he was up to the challenge. Still, though, he felt he had to tread lightly. One false move, and he'd be back where he'd been the night before, and that couldn't happen.

"Well," he said, sitting back down on the couch next to Logan, "what do we do now?"

Logan knew he couldn't do it. Not today. Kendall's intentions were obviously good, but today was just not a good day for this "best friend bonding" thing. But then again, would there ever be a good day for that?

Yes, Logan thought. After I tell Jo everything, after she helps me, after I get over Kendall.

He knew he had to get to Jo.

"Actually," he said, "I think I'm gonna go take a nap. Gustavo's gonna work us tomorrow, I know it, and I want to be well-rested."

"Well-rested? Logan, it's 12:30! You have all day to get rest. As a matter of fact, why don't we go to the beach?"

"We just went there yesterday, Kendall..."

"So? There's no rule against going to the beach every day, is there?"

"No."

"Okay, then, let's go."

There'd be tons of beach babes there for sure, and one of them would want to snag Logan. Kendall knew he was supposed to be taking it slow, but this was an opportunity that stared him right in the face. Even if they didn't find a girl, they'd at least be around plenty. They could sit and talk about long blonde hair, shapely bodies, girlish giggles, and bikini-clad boobs.

It was all for naught, though, because Logan found himself mustering up the strength to refuse the invitation. Maybe it wasn't him mustering up the strength as much as it was him being too weak to stand.

"Are you serious?" Kendall asked when he returned with a few towels.

"Please, Kendall," Logan said desperately. "I really just want to go lie down."

Kendall had to scold himself. Don't push it...don't force it. Just wait, and things will turn out fine.

"Okay," he finally agreed. "Take your nap. I'll go out for a walk. I can use the exercise."

Logan rose and passed Kendall on his way to their room. Nah, Kendall definitely didn't need any exercise. He was already perfect.

After Kendall put the beach stuff back in the closet, he grabbed his room key and a bottle of water from the fridge. Okay, so maybe today wouldn't be the epic day of friendship that he hoped it would be. Maybe Logan needed some time and his space. Okay, Kendall thought, I can deal with that.

"Fixing it" was never easy. Never. And he knew it would probably be a lifelong job, but he was okay with that. He was perfectly fine with that. The alternative - leaving it alone, letting it grow, letting it turn into something, letting it affect him, letting nature take its course - was too scary for him to do otherwise.

Jo sipped from a glass of wine in her family's living room. Both of her parents were out, and when they were away, she liked to play with the liquor cabinet. She wasn't some overzealous teenage drunk who played beer pong with little red plastic cups, though. She had too much class for that. She only had a drink when she needed it, and today, she really needed it.

Does Kendall know?

That was the question on her mind. That's what she wanted the confirmation for. Shit, she knew Logan had feelings for Kendall. It had been a long, long time since she'd actually questioned that, and even still, the sight of him cowering in that lounge chair proved that. No, what she wanted to know was...was there anything more? Those fears she'd have...that sudden rush of trepidation that she'd feel every time Logan looked at Kendall...was it just unrequited love in his eyes, or was it just the tip of a gigantic iceberg of secrets that she knew nothing about?

She didn't want to believe Kendall was a person who could easily tell lies, but her suspicions usually ate up any rational thought. Even if there was nothing deep and dark in his past, even if he just knew that Logan had feelings for him, Jo didn't want to believe that he could know and not tell her. They were a couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend. They weren't supposed to keep secrets like that from each other. But Kendall and Logan were best friends, and best friends were supposed to share secrets like that with each other.

Logan's secret. Or did it belong to both of them?

Kendall was a compassionate guy. He threw himself into making sure his loved ones were happy, and Jo could just imagine how he'd respond to Logan's little revelation - that is, of course, if he didn't already know. Oh, he'd throw that arm around old Logan and tell him everything would be all right. He'd say that he wouldn't let it come between the two of them, and he'd tell Logan that they'd be best friends, just as they'd always been, forever and ever. And anyone who had a problem with that would be kicked out of their lives.

Kendall had told her many, many times the story of how he and Logan had become friends, and she understood why they were so close, but still...she had a deep-seated resentment for how careful Kendall was with Logan, as if Logan was some delicate little flower that Kendall just had to keep intact, no matter what. The predominant part of Jo's psyche would just chalk it up to their strong friendship and Kendall's messiah complex, but there was always that little bit...that teeny tiny kernel. That kernel made her jealous, suspicious, distrusting, and spiteful. That kernel made her resentful, and that kernel sometimes made her bitter. And that kernel had grown bigger and bigger over the years, until it threatened to take precedence over the more rational side of her mind.

There were times when she just couldn't shake the images. Kendall touching Logan. Logan looking at him with those eyes...those eyes that only meant one thing. Kendall caressing Logan, petting his body...Logan moving his hands up and down Kendall's chest. Kendall wrapping his arms around Logan's waist...their lips touching...their tongues dancing...every single sensation in their bodies getting heavier. Their clothes falling to the ground, their eyes never flinching...

But that wasn't real. It was only a figment of her imagination, created by evil forces, and she wouldn't let them win.

She knew she had to get Logan alone again. She knew she'd always have the upper hand with him. He was spineless, he was weak. He was a nice guy, but he was a push-over. If she wanted some information out of him, all she had to do was raise her voice a little, stand up taller than him, and ask him. He'd tell her the truth. She smiled a little as she thought about how he'd went from his feeble little "It's nothing, it's nothing" to an even feebler, but much more truthful, "I'm sorry" by the pool.

Sorry for what? What was there for him to be sorry about? Merely having a crush on her boyfriend...or...loving her boyfriend? Loving him in the ways she wanted to believe only she had done.

Jo had to know. Before she could formulate her plan...before she could make her next move, she had to be sure of what she was going up against. Whatever it was, though, it didn't matter. Whether it was "just a crush" or years and years of secret devotions, she was going to do her best to exterminate it. She learned a lot from the bitchy happenings of New Town High...she knew how to get things done while keeping her hands clean, and if she'd have to play dirty to keep her man, she would.

One thing was for certain. If Kendall didn't already know...she wasn't going to let him find out, under any circumstances, about any of it.

Then, suddenly, the doorbell rang. She scrambled to get rid of the wine and lock up the cabinet.

Outside, Logan was a wreck.

"Please be home, please be home..."

He knew his knocks were probably too light, but he'd pressed the doorbell, so if she was home, she would have answered already. And plus, didn't she say she'd be out shopping?

He didn't even know what he was going to say to her once he had the chance to talk to her. She obviously "knew," but how much did she really know? How much of it was false assumption?

That's why I'm here, he thought to himself. I have to set her straight.

Straight. Ha.

Luckily for him, there were footsteps getting louder on the other side of the door, and there she was.

"Logan," she greeted, not expecting him to be there.

This is it, she thought. This is it. I'm gonna find out all there is to find out.

She immediately felt her heart rate increase, but she held on for dear life to her "cool," to her calmness. She could see that he was still messed up, but she didn't want him to know that she was, too. She had to remain in control...she had to stay focused.

"What's wrong?" she asked, trying, but failing, to inject warmth into the words to cover up her anxiousness.

"Umm," he began. She knew damn well what was wrong. She had that look again, that "knowing" look. "I think...umm...I think we need to talk about some...stuff."

She didn't say anything...just slightly stepped out of the way to let him through the door. She was eager to get right back to where they'd left off, but part of getting back to where they'd left off meant making him say it. She didn't want to shoot her accusations at him, for that would only show how vulnerable she was. No, she wanted him to say it, and she wanted him to say it all.

As Logan took a seat on the couch, she poured two cups of coffee. He could see her hands shaking just a little, and he could see how she stared into the cups as if she was in some sort of trance. All it did was make him even more unhinged, even sicker...what was she going to do to him? It was bad enough talking to Dr. Riley about his feelings for Kendall, but at least that was a stranger. At least that was an older person who didn't even know Kendall. At least that was someone who wasn't also attracted to Kendall. But this...with Jo? He felt like he was going to shit on himself at any moment.

Jo gave him his cup, and he took a sip from it. She didn't sit, though. No, sitting next to him would be too close. She wanted to see him as he said it, so she stood by the counter, and the distance between them was both literal and figurative. She reviewed in her mind the best way to go about this. Obviously, he was there to talk to her about "it," but she knew how Logan was. She knew he could be a little scaredy cat, so he was going to need some pushing. Fine. She could push. But she wasn't going to let him off too easily. She looked at him as he meekly drank his coffee. All she could see was someone who could very well be ready to break her heart in the most crushing of ways.

"I thought you and Kendall were playing that stupid game," she said shakily, trying to make it clear that she wasn't going to be the one bringing "it" up.

"Uh...yeah. We were. We kinda got bored, though."

Bored? Jo thought. And then what? What did you do to kill your boredom? Did you go into your room? And have sex with my boyfriend? Or maybe you just sat and held hands, talking about how stupid I am for not knowing what's going on between the two of you.

She snapped out of it and nodded. "Yeah, I was gonna go shopping, but then I thought about it, and I don't really feel like dealing with the crowds. So I guess both our plans changed."

"Yeah," Logan nervously chuckled. Crap, he thought...crap. She's going to make me say it.

I'm going to make you say it, Jo thought.

"Where's Kendall?" she asked, her sips from the cup slowly sliding from calculated and controlled to mildly neurotic and unstable. She eyed him like a black cat preparing to strike in the night.

Logan gulped. "He, uh, went for a walk. You know him...he likes to go off by himself sometimes."

"Yeah," she said sharply, losing control of her instincts. "I do know him. He is my boyfriend after all." That sounded way meaner than she'd intended for it to sound, but this was turning into a life-or-death situation, and she knew she had to stand her ground as much as possible.

Those piercing words shook Logan. The whole thing reminded him of when he'd been in Dr. Riley's office, how he wished someone else could come in and tell Jo that he did have feelings for Kendall, and then he'd be glad to explain to her that he knew he could never have him and that he just wanted her to help him get over Kendall. Just like in Dr. Riley's office, though, there was no one there but him, and he had to do what he had to do.

Summoning all of the strength he could find, he put down his coffee cup. "Jo," he said. "I want you to understand something." He tried to look at her, but her eyes were so intense. They both quickly shed their pretense and were suddenly back where they were by the pool before Kendall had showed up.

"What?" she asked, still with that sharpness. She could feel herself wanting to move closer to him, to get back in his face and drag it all out of him, but she planted her feet firmly in the ground and clung to the countertop behind her. It was getting ready to come...the eruption of whatever secrets she'd been dying to know about. Good or bad...that confirmation was coming.

"What is there for me to understand, Logan?"

Her intense stare unnerved Logan, but he tried to remember why he was there in the first place. He could see she was upset, and he understood why. She knew! She knew that he loved Kendall! Even if she wasn't going to tell him that she knew, she obviously knew! But if only she could just understand...

"I want you to understand that...I care about Kendall...a lot. Like...a lot," he explained, spontaneously smiling as he thought about the depth of his love for Kendall. But there was always that self-control. "He loves you, Jo...he is crazy about you, and I get that, and I accept that, and-"

"But you don't like it," she interjected accusingly.

He paused and let the words sink in, nibbling a little on his lower lip. No, he didn't like it! He never did! But that's not what this was supposed to be about...it wasn't supposed to be about him telling her why she was wrong for Kendall.

"Look, Jo..."

"What, Logan? Huh? I told you I'm not stupid! I told you that I know you have your reasons for not liking me. What are they? Huh? Tell me!" Her words were getting shorter and harder, and the cup in her hand was trembling. She just wanted him to open his mouth, say it, and let her respond the way she needed to respond. It was the least he could do.

He felt backed up against the wall. Why was she making him do this if she already knew? Why?

"I think you already know," he said tremblingly.

Her eyes widened, amazed at how hesitant he was to just say it. "What, Logan, what? What do I already know? Huh?" she asked as she allowed herself to slowly move towards him. She stopped halfway between the counter and the sofa. "Why can't you just tell me? Huh? Why do you keep stalling? Why do you keep dancing around the subject? Why can't you just say it? Don't you think you owe me that?"

He could feel his body fill with timor. She was doing it...she was beginning to overpower him...she was going to make him say it! He was beginning to feel one foot tall, and she was going to make him do or say whatever it was she wanted him to do or say! He felt powerless.

"Tell me, Logan!" she demanded. "Just tell me the truth! That's all I want!"

"The truth?" he asked fearfully.

"Yes! Say it!"

"But you already know!"

"I don't care! I want to hear you say it!"

"You already kno-"

"I don't care! I don't care!"

But Jo was supposed to care! He thought that she cared! She made him think that she cared!

His eyes narrowed on her, and it was all becoming clearer. She didn't care about him. She didn't give a damn about him! She only cared about herself! She wanted him to say something? Fine. But he wasn't going to just tell her what she already knew. He owed her something, all right. He owed her some cold hard facts, and he was ready to give them to her. She might have had Kendall's body, but he had Kendall's heart and soul, and she needed to know that.

"You want me to say it?" he quivered. "All right. I'll say it. I DON'T like the fact that Kendall's with you, and I'd love it if he dumped you! You don't deserve him, and you treat him like shit! You don't even appreciate him! He tries so hard to make you happy, but you don't even care! And when he's all down because of something you did, guess who he runs to! Guess!"

The words rattled out of him like an breathless string of everything he'd been wanting to say to her for a long time, but they were honest and full of conviction.

"He comes to me! He comes to me because he knows I won't ever let him down the way you have over and over again!"

The pain swept Jo's face. It was coming...that big revelation, that big secret, that big heartbreak. He was going to tell her...she could feel it naturally coming from him. He was going to spell it out for her. All of the little details. Their touching and their kissing, their rubbing and their licking...just them. Them. The way they were in her nightmares.

"And what?" she steamed. "Huh? What else? You're gonna tell me that you love him?"

"Yes!"

"And that he loves you? Huh?"

"Yes! Yes!"

It was such a relief to just assert it. He wasn't even hearing her questions...he wasn't even aware of the explosive thing he'd just affirmed. "It's all true! Every last part of it!"

Confirmation. But it wasn't the confirmation she'd wanted! It wasn't what she'd been counting on! He was supposed to stand there and pledge his miserable, useless, pointless, unrequited love for Kendall as she reminded him over and over again through snide remarks that he could never have him! She had her fears, but...oh, she'd been so sure that they were without any weight!

The nightmares...the fears...they began to play in her mind. She knew she was in her living room, she knew Logan was sitting in front of her...she knew it was just a Wednesday afternoon. But she felt herself plunged into darkness, and the only sound she could hear was laughter...their laughter. The only thing she could see was the two of them together...

It stung her like a scorpion, and it made her tremble all over, almost like she was having a seizure. Her eyes darted all over the room. She felt an immense sense of loss. Pure loss.

Logan loves Kendall, she thought, only she wasn't even thinking...just repeating those bruising statements in her head like a mantra. Logan loves Kendall. And Kendall loves Logan. They love each other. And Kendall loves Logan.

Kendall loves Logan. Not me.

Kendall and Logan...in her mind, they were looking at each other, completely disregarding her presence. They were sending thoughts to each other...secret thoughts...erotic thoughts...lusty thoughts...sexy thoughts. They were standing next to each other...and they were touching...their eyes were touching...their hands were touching...their bodies were touching. And Logan moved his lips across Kendall's cheek...his hand across Kendall's sensitive area. Kendall took Logan in his arms...in his bed...and Logan welcomed Kendall into him. Their connection was deep...strong...unbreakable. No one could touch it...no one could come between them.

Definitely not you, Jo's little voice told her.

Kendall. She lost Kendall. He wasn't hers... That boy...that one and only boy...he was the only one who'd ever made her feel loved. Yeah, she sometimes didn't trust him. Yeah, she was always away. Yeah, she sometimes didn't take into consideration his thoughts and feelings. But Kendall...she needed him! She truly did! For he'd saved her when she thought she was well beyond any salvation!

It was all a lie, though...it was all a lie.

Surely Logan knew that Jo needed Kendall, right? Yeah, she'd made Kendall swear that he'd never tell a single soul about her secret...about the one thing that would bind them together forever...but Kendall had told Logan anyway, right? Didn't Kendall tell Logan everything? Didn't they have secret talks late at night, just after making love? Didn't Logan know that, for her, losing Kendall was like losing air?

He didn't.

Logan was having his own emotional high. She knew! And now she REALLY knew! She knew that he didn't like her! She knew that he wanted her gone! She knew that he'd have taken her out of Kendall's life forever if he could have! She knew that he loved Kendall more than she could ever imagine! She knew! And it was hurting her! It was hurting her to her core! It was exactly what she'd forced him to say, and now she was paying for it! She was paying for it all!

But then it hit him as he started to come down from the high.

She thinks Kendall loves me, he thought. She thinks me and Kendall...she thinks...she thinks...

Part of him wanted her to go on thinking it, too. He wanted her to feel that burn, to feel her world crashing down around her and to lose the person she loved. Part of him wanted her to just shrivel down into nothingness as she imagined he and Kendall making love and growing old together. Part of him wanted to stand up and kick her while she was down, jumping on her and dancing all over her grave. He wanted her to die. Just like how he'd died...just like how he'd shriveled down into nothingness so many times before...just like how his world had crashed down around him so many times before...just like how he'd been burned every single time he saw her and Kendall together.

He even smiled at her...laughed...he didn't even know he was doing it, but it felt so fucking good! She was dying right there in front of him, and he was enjoying it.

But it began to sink in on him...the self-control...the restraint...his conscience. He couldn't do this...this wasn't why he was here! This was not how it was supposed to be! What if she...what if she got up and ran out of there, finding Kendall and telling him? What would Kendall do? How would he react? He'd hate Logan forever for killing Jo this way...he'd hate Logan forever for starting this incredible lie. And the both of them...Kendall and Jo...they'd tell the world that Logan Mitchell was nothing but a dirty little queer.

"Wait, Jo, no! It's not what you think!" he exclaimed, hoping it wasn't too late, hoping she wasn't too far gone. "It's not...he doesn't even know! Kendall doesn't know!"

Jo, in the midst of her grief, could barely make out what he was saying.

"I was going to tell him," Logan explained, "but I couldn't! Not after this morning! Not after I found out you knew!"

Jo closed her eyes and rubbed a rough hand over her face, feeling for her temples and squeezing them. Anguish. A whirlwind of emotions. Was it a dream...was it a nightmare?

She didn't move. It was like she was suffering from delayed reaction. She stared at him, burning a hole through him with the inferno in her eyes.

"You can't have him," she shot at him insecurely. "You can't..."

Logan flinched as the knife went through his heart. "I know," he sobbed. "I know...please, Jo...just don't tell him...don't tell him."

The fire was still in Jo's eyes. She was done. He'd done enough damage to her...he'd destroyed her enough.

"Get out," she said. "Get out."

"Jo, you have to let me explain-"

"Get out!" she yelled in a whisper. "Get. The fuck. Out!"

Logan scrambled to his feet and made his way to the door flinging it open and closing it just as fast. He fell back against it, feeling like a million things had just happened. And what was next? What was she going to do? How could this happen? Why did he ever come down here in the first place? Why did he tell her? Why did she make him tell her? Why didn't he just tell Kendall that morning like he was going to? Why did he...why...why did this whole thing have to happen to him?

Why?

He slowly began the long walk back to Apartment 2J.

Inside, Jo was already at the liquor cabinet, drinking straight from the bottle. The bright sun shining in through the window blinded her, so she sat on the floor in a corner all by herself. And she felt just that way...alone...completely alone...all by herself...

Except for the voice. The little voice. That little voice that taunted her...that came to her in her darknest hours. It was always there...telling her that she put on too much makeup...that she was showing too much skin...that her hair was tacky...that she was ugly.

He could have him, her little voice screeched at her. He could have Kendall any time he wanted him! And he will!

Somewhere in between the sound of her own pain, hadn't she heard Logan say that Kendall didn't know at all about the way he felt? The voice had to be wrong!

He was lying to you, her little voice retorted, sure to extinguish any relieving thoughts that tried to enter mind. He's with Kendall right now! They're up in that apartment, and they're together, laughing at you! They're laughing because you bought Logan's lie! Oh, he slipped and told you the truth, but then he lied, and are you really going to believe him? He doesn't care about you! He told you that himself! They're up there in that apartment, and you're down here all by yourself. Just like you'll be forever. You're 18 years old, but your career is almost dead! Once this stupid high school show is cancelled, you'll be a nobody! You don't have the looks to go on to anything else! You'll be nobody, and you'll have nobody! Look around! Your parents aren't here! Because they don't care! No one cares about you! And Kendall doesn't either! Drink yourself to death, you stupid little girl!

Oh, but Jo Taylor had thought that she'd be in total control. She was going to have "the upper hand." Logan was weak and a push-over, but she was strong and powerful, and she was going to stand, cold as ice, as he cried, telling her how much he loved Kendall. And she was going to taunt him. She was going to make him feel like nothing.

YOU are nothing, the little voice said.

But that voice didn't sound so little anymore. No...it was getting bigger and bigger, louder than it had been in a long, long time...louder than it had been since the first time she and Kendall had made love.

Do it, the little voice said. Do it! Do it! Do it!

Within minutes, she was standing in front of her bathroom mirror. Her crying face did it...it was enough to send her over the edge.

And, as the blade pierced into her wrist, she felt no pain.

Logan and Jo.

Kendall had seen it with his own damn eyes, and it was pissing him off to the point of making him want to go out and do something crazy.

Logan's "nap" was bullshit.

Jo's "shopping" was bullshit.

Why was he coming out of her apartment? What business did he have being in her apartment? Especially after claiming he wanted a nap.

They took that nap together. They were doing all kinds of shit together.

Did they have sex?

Kendall had seen it. He'd been on his way up to the BTR apartment to get his phone, which he had forgotten on the way out, but just as he was about to pass Jo's door, he'd seen Logan coming out. He'd hidden around the corner and watched as Logan stood for a second, looking around like a criminal afraid of being caught in the act.

He'd almost wanted to jump out then and ask what the hell was going on, but he couldn't see straight. Hadn't he asked Logan just the day before if he had feelings for Jo? And Logan had made it clear that he had no interest in Jo whatsoever.

But he'd seen it for himself.

He tore out of the Palm Woods and sat on a bench to reassess the situation.

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. A big, big misunderstanding. Really, who in their right mind would believe Kendall and Logan were a couple?

I do, thought James.

He was on his way home from the acting workshop, but all through the day, only one thought reigned in his mind. The scribbles in the notebook, the way only one bed had that "slept in" look, Kendall's sudden and odd devotion to waiting on Logan hand and foot.

Okay, so it wasn't much to go on, but still...it made sense to him. It would certainly explain a lot, that's for sure. Kendall and Logan...those two had always been close. Even now, years after the four boys had become friends, Kendall and Logan were still on a different level. James had noticed it. Carlos had noticed it. Once, they'd even talked about it together, and they'd both just come to the conclusion that Kendall and Logan's longer history with each other was the reason why they were so close.

Ha. Their longer history, and also their mind-blowing sex life.

Mind-blowing? James was sure it had to be mind-blowing. He wasn't into guys, but he wasn't above checking them out sometimes, and he just knew Kendall had to be a freaking boss in bed. Logan was no doubt the bottom, but probably an aggressive one. He wondered why he'd never heard their crazy sex coming through the walls.

It amazed James how easily he could think about his two friends getting it on. It didn't freak him out one bit, and the more he got used to the idea, the more he sort of appreciated it. Now, he could really say he had a pair of gay friends. And, plus, it'd make things much more interesting around the house. And, another plus, with those two feeling up on each other, that'd leave more girls for James and Carlos.

Yes, this was awesome.

But obviously he wasn't supposed to know about any of this. Of course, Kendall and Logan had good reason to keep it a secret. Who could be sure of how Rocque Records would react to half of their top boy band coming out as gay? Lance Bass and Ricky Martin broke ground, sure, but only after they'd hit their peaks. As far as everyone was concerned, Big Time Rush was still going up, up, up, but how far could they go if Kendall and Logan's secret was to ever come out?

Kogan, James thought. I shall call them Kogan.

Maybe this could work out for him, though. Kogan would be revealed. Griffin would shit a brick and cut the band loose. James had somewhat of a name, so he'd get to start his solo career a little early. Everyone would be happy.

Regardless of what would happen, though, James made the decision to stick by his friends no matter what. He owed it to them. It was Kendall who had gotten them to California in the first place, and it was always Logan who got them out of their various pickles.

Pickles, he thought with a smirk. I bet Logan likes Kendall's pickle.

James appreciated his friends, and he knew he could never let something like this get in the way of it. His only problem, though, was how exactly should he act around them? Should he tell them that he knew? Or maybe he should wait for them to say something.

Eh, he thought. I'll just tell them. They'll thank me for being so awesome about it. Because I'm awesome.

And so, as he approached the Palm Woods, he began to think of ways to tell them he knew. Just then, however, he saw Kendall on the bench. He smiled. It seemed like the perfect time and place.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall," he said in a voice that sounded like a used car salesman. "You're just the person I wanted to see."

"What?" Kendall snapped. "I don't care about your stupid actresses."

He got up and started to walk away, and James, dopey grin still plastered on his face, just sat there, not sure of what just happened.

Kendall tore down the sidewalk like John Travolta. He knew that Logan was going through a desperate time. And, as the old saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures. Little pangs of familiarity shot through his body. Logan was missing Camille...bad. So bad that it screwed up his date with Michelle, so bad that he'd been moping around non-stop, it seemed, ever since she'd left for England. But Kendall knew why Camille's departure messed up Logan's head so much. Camille was important...she was vital, she was needed. Without Camille in Logan's life...well, without Camille, there was no telling what would happen. Feelings would be uncontrollable, emotions would be impossible. Kendall didn't want to think about it, but it was his darkest fear. The things they'd have to say to each other, the things they'd want to do to each other, the lies they'd have to tell the others, the lives they'd have to live...he didn't want to think about it, and he didn't want it to happen.

It's already happening, he fleetingly thought. It's already happening, but I can stop it. I can make it better. I make everything better.

He wanted Logan to have a girl. He needed Logan to have a girl. But Jo was unavailable...Kendall needed Jo. Logan needed to find someone else, some girl that he could be happy with, just like Kendall and Jo. Even if it meant only pretending to be happy. Just like Kendall and Jo.

NOTE: The road to Kogan is a long, winding one, isn't it? Definitely worth the wait, though! Keep reading!