When Kaidan awoke it was still dark and the time impossible to tell. The rain did not appear to have slackened any and still drummed relentlessly on the roof above.

Metal partitions had been set up around his bed and only the diffused orange light of a computer console beyond lit the space. He could hear the gentle tapping of someone typing, but little else.

He raised himself up on his elbow and felt a bit too woozy for any action just yet. He felt a bit stiff and sore, but otherwise unharmed.

"Hello?" he said into the quiet as he lay back down.

The partition on his right lifted away and James appeared.

"Hey man." He gave Kaidan a gentle punch in the shoulder. "'Bout time you woke up."

"How long have I been out?" Kaidan asked.

"Just over night. Hang on a sec. I'll get the Doc."

James disappeared for a moment and when he returned Doctor Chakwas was behind him.

"Kaidan, you're awake. Good." She rested the back of her hand on his forehead for a moment and then did the same to James with her other hand, comparing.

"Still a bit warm, but I suspect you'll be just fine." She smiled down at him in a matronly way.

Karin and Kaidan knew each other well. She'd been the first medical professional he'd encountered who had not lectured him to upgrade his implant, but simply respected his choice to leave it as it was.

"Once we get some food in you, you'll feel much better." She turned to James and said, "Go get a bowl of soup for the Major."

James turned and said as he left, "Might grab some for myself as well."

Karin laughed and took a seat beside Kaidan's bed. "That man would eat all the food we have if we let him near it."

She tapped a panel on the side of the gurney and the back angled up so Kaidan could sit comfortably while he ate.

"That was quite a risk you took yesterday," she told him softly, her voice just on the border of a reprimand. "Care to share what exactly happened?"

It was then that Kaidan remembered what he'd heard before passing out last night.

"Catherine! Is she all right? Last night didn't sound good." Kaidan was surprised at the amount of worry he felt.

"Sorry, amigo," James said as he returned with a steaming bowl of soup. "Apparently saying someone feels as cold as death is not the kind of attitude welcomed in a med facility."

"No," Karin said with a small smile James couldn't see from where he stood behind her. "It's not. Which is why it fell to him to keep watch over you both all night."

"But she's okay?" Kaidan asked again. Even though he could tell by their light manner that she was fine, he still wanted to hear Doctor Chakwas say it.

Karin nodded. "She's not awake yet, but she's got a pretty high fever so that's a good thing. Her temperature spiked last night and has been steadily going down since then."

Kaidan sighed with relief, and with the worry gone his stomach suddenly growled ferociously. He hadn't had anything to eat since the previous morning at the beach and he was ravenous. He reached for the bowl of soup and forgot the spoon entirely and sipped from the hot bowl cautiously.

It had a distinctly Thai flavour, fishy and nutty at the same time. It was divine and soon he was gulping hungrily at it while the doctor did a quick scan on his implant.

"I heard you had to let loose some pretty heavy biotics," she asked as she studied the results on her omnitool. "Any headaches?"

James gave an amused snort. "Word has it he likes those headaches now."

Karin raised an eyebrow at him. "What does that mean?"

Kaidan gave James a look and rested the half empty bowl in his lap. "Catherine was good enough to give me a massage afterwards and it made a big difference. She used to do the same for her best friend."

"Ah, yes, I've read some articles in medical journals about massage therapy and biotics. The opinions varied greatly. I'm glad it works for you." She patted him on the leg and pulled the blanket up over his bare chest. "Eat your soup."

She went around the other side of the stall and Kaidan caught a brief glimpse of Catherine in the next bed, only her face visible around the blankets pulled right up to her ears.

"So what did happen yesterday?" James asked.

Kaidan grabbed the spoon and shoveled a piece of meat into his mouth. The rich, oily flavour burst in his mouth and he took a moment to savour it before answering James' question.

"She went to check on the cold frame and the rain hit while she was there. Lucky she did because run off from the hill was heading right for it and would have washed it away. We built up a wall of stones to divert the water. I really hope it worked."

"I'll go take a look later," James said and gave Kaidan a fist bump. "Feel better, amigo. I'm sure your damsel in distress will want to thank you."

He grinned as Kaidan raised his hands in exasperation.

"Nothing's going on, James."

"Gotcha," he replied with a conspiratorial wink and walked away whistling.

Kaidan shook his head and tucked back into his soup. He polished is off in minutes and even used his fingers to glean the last bits of flavour from the bottom of the bowl. Feeling like he might be able to get out of bed, he looked around for something to put on but found nothing. Doctor Chakwas returned as he was trying to wrap a blanket around his waist.

"And just where do you think you're going, Major?" She put a hand on his shoulder and eased him back down to sitting on the edge of the bed. "There's no work for you to do today, Kaidan. Just stay put and take it easy."

"I'm fine, I really am," Kaidan protested. "I can't just sit here."

"You can, and you will," she told him firmly. "At least until this evening, though I'd rather you spent another night here where I can keep an eye on you."

"Fine, but at least bring me something to do," Kaidan begged. "And a shirt would be nice too."

"I've got a portable vid screen I can bring you. Watch a movie. Relax. I'll see if your clothes are dry."

She left and Kaidan rested his head back on the pillow. The rain sounded just as heavy as it had the evening before and he wondered how the tents had fared over night. For that matter, he wondered how all their various homes had fared. If there had been trouble it wouldn't have surprised Kaidan to find out that they'd kept it from him. They should realize by now that he would worry more have no information.

Over the pounding rain he heard the sound of blankets rustling. Some mumbling followed, and ignoring the doctor's orders he swung his feet over the edge of the bed and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders before sliding the partition aside.

Catherine was awake and trying to release her arms from the blankets tucked in tightly around her. Her brow was glossy with a sheen of sweat and her cheeks were an unhealthy pink and white.

"Hey hey hey," he said softly. "I don't think you're dressed under there. Might want to keep covered up."

"It's really hot," she said groggily, her eyes not seeming quite able to focus on him.

"Doctor Chakwas say you have a hell of a fever. You're on the mend, but it's probably best to stay where she put you."

"Are my trees ok?"

While Kaidan didn't want to lie to her, he also didn't want to cause her to worry. He debated for a moment and finally said, "I'm sure they're fine. James is going to check on them."

Catherine nodded weakly, and closed her eyes again, letting her head fall to the side, her cheek touching his hand where it rested on the pillow. She was hot to the touch even to Kaidan's fevered skin.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday," she whispered. "I panicked and put you in danger."

Kaidan shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You were looking out for all of us."

Still holding the blanket on with one hand he placed the other on her forehead. It sure didn't seem like her fever was breaking. The pillow was damp with sweat and her eyes were glassy as she blinked, trying to stay awake.

"I'll be right back," he said, but she only mumbled something unintelligible in response.

Kaidan left the medical area just as Doctor Chakwas was coming through the door from the main area of the hall.

"Doctor, I think she's getting worse," he explained hurriedly. "She woke up a few minutes ago, but seems a bit delirious."

The doctor pushed a buddle of clothes into Kaidan's chest as she moved swiftly by him to Catherine's bedside. She did a quick scan with her omnitool and Kaidan saw a temperature of 40C flash on the holographic screen above the doctor's arm.

"She's definitely warmer than she was an hour ago," the Doctor noted. "But still not as warm as last night."

"She was warmer than 40?" Kaidan asked in disbelief as he dumped the pile of clothes on his bed. "Shit that's hot."

"The highest reading I got was 41, which is touching on hyperpyrexia," the doctor's voice seemed unconcerned, but to Kaidan's ears it sounded like it had been close to a medical emergency.

"Are you sure she's going to be alright?" he asked from behind the partition where he was pulling on the pants and sweater Karin had brought him.

"Some people just run hotter than others, so when they get a fever it runs hotter as well. I'm sure she will fine, but I'm going to give her a shot of antibiotics just in case."

"You mean you haven't given her anything yet?" Kaidan said with shock as he went back to Catherine's side and looked down at her florid completion.

Karin put a hand on his arm and he turned his face towards her, trying not to look as distressed as he felt.

"A fever from exposure and a fever from infection are very different animals," she explained calmly. "In some cases it's safer to let the fever run its course. And we don't have the medical supplies to simply play it safe whenever someone is a little bit under the weather."

"Not the best choice of words, Doctor," Kaidan said with a smile he couldn't quite tamp down. Karin Chakwas was a brilliant medical practitioner who had seen a lot during her long service with the Alliance, and if she thought her course of treatment was the right one, Kaidan believed her.

"Kaidan, if you're that worried about her then that's all the more reason to stay here and recover yourself."

Kaidan nodded his agreement and went back to bed without protest. He didn't feel terribly ill, but it was hard to ignore that he had a fever. His muscles ached and he longed to have a hot shower and wash the sweat away, but that would mean going outside to get to the shower facilities and that he was sure Doctor Chakwas would not allow.

Once the rest of the settlement knew he was up and about, he spent much of the remainder of the day talking to concerned visitors. James brought him good news about the cold frame, which was so far intact. They'd built up the rock wall a little more and guessed that it would be a good idea to create some channels through the fields to deal with the flash floods every year.

Kaidan was sure everyone was now gossiping about him and Catherine, but there was no concealed relationship there so he didn't worry too much about it. And he certainly wouldn't stop being friendly with her just because of some good natured ribbing from his pals.

Catherine's fever broke that evening and she awoke lucid and asking for food. Kaidan brought her a bowl of broth and they ate together with Morgan and Liara. Throughout the meal, Liara cast quizzical glances at Kaidan and he tried to ignore it, knowing she was going to draw her own conclusions regardless of what Kaidan said.

He went back to his own house that night, thankfully finding it warm and dry. Only one of the houses had been found to have a leaky roof, but it had been easily repaired, and the tents were faring well even if the rain did make for a noisy night. Several people couldn't take it and decided they would rather sleep on the couches in the hall.

The rain kept up for several more days before it finally abated. Kaidan woke one morning to a soft hiss instead of the steady bombardment that had become the usual background noise. The sky was lighter and the rain, though still heavy, had slowed significantly.

The day it finally stopped was the same day, nearly a week later, that Dr. Chakwas finally let Catherine out of her med bay. She had lost some weight and her cheeks were gaunt, but she was back to her cheerful, effervescent self.

The sun at last emerged again and with it came soaring temperatures. Within days the world around them turned from dull grays and muddy browns to vivid greens and whole riot of other colours as the trees came back to life and flowers blooms everywhere.

It took another week for things to dry out enough for outdoor work to begin again in earnest. James and his crew had the frames up for the last of the houses up in record time and soon Joker, Tali and EDI began wiring the new structures for heat and solar power.

There was still a bounty of parts to work with from the Normandy and Kaidan had the people now idle after the completion of the houses start dismantling and sorting what technology remained. The central area of the crew deck began to look like a warehouse, while the CIC and engineering were naked and skeletal.

Those who weren't salvaging were dedicated to planting and foraging. Garrus and Javik had started taking hunting parties out on overnight forays, bringing back game and early greens, fruits and berries.

On one occasion they returned nearly empty handed, but exhilarated by their first encounter with one of the planets large land animals. Ivan had described the herd of herbivores as a combination between an elephant and a bear, with the same leathery skin as the monkeys. Unfortunately, no one had brought anything to capture an image with so everyone else in the camp was eager to join the hunting parties, hoping to catch a glimpse of the strange creatures.

Catherine and her team spent every day from dawn 'til dusk in the fields tilling, weeding and planting. The cold frame had been lifted away from the saplings and they were growing quickly, straight and true.

Kaidan found that he was spending more and more time in the gardens as the weeks went by. The pace and intensity of the work suited him. He went to bed exhausted each night, and though he still didn't sleep well, it was better than it had been.

Before they knew it, they were into the first days of summer. Kaidan and Catherine were walking back from the field together after a long day of digging channels around the raised beds and met Liara walking the opposite way.

"Hey Liara," Kaidan greeted her. "Where are you headed?"

"I was looking for you actually, Kaidan," she said with a smile that seemed more melancholy than Kaidan was used to seeing.

"Sure. I'll see you back at the hall, Cat." He touched her arm affectionately and turned to walk with Liara back down the path.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Catherine lately," Liara commented.

"I like working in the gardens," he said with a shrug. It had been several weeks since anyone had teased him about his closeness with Catherine. Maybe they were over their childishness at last. "What did you want to talk about, Liara?"

"Do you realize that as of a week from now we will have been on this planet for one year?"

Kaidan stopped where he was and his brow wrinkled as he thought. EDI had extended all their clock and calendars to account for the differences in orbit and day length and everyone had grown used to it. The days and months were the same only slightly longer by hours or days. Technically they had already been here a standard galactic year, but truly the planet took several months longer to fully orbit its parent star.

"Geez, you're right, Liara," he said in disbelief. "A year already. Should we do something?"

"That's what I was hoping to discuss with you."

They continued walking and soon reached the fields where they sat on a fallen log in the cool evening. Insects chirruped and buzzed all around. Strange animal cries echoed in the distance further down the valley. The moons were blatantly absent in the sky, and the stars were more visible tonight than usual.

"So what did you have in mind?" Kaidan asked after Liara didn't say anything for several moments.

"Well, this wasn't exactly a colonization effort," she said. "I don't believe a celebration would be appropriate. On the other hand, we are doing very well, thriving in fact, so neither should it be a mournful occasion."

Kaidan thought for a moment and said, "Have you heard of a wake?"

Liara shook her head.

"It's a tradition back on Earth. When somebody dies, instead of a depressing funeral, you have a party instead and celebrate their life. A lot of people associate it with getting completely blotto, and I've been to my fair share of that kind of wake, but they are meant to be bittersweet. A moment of mourning and joy. Grieving what you've lost, but rejoicing that you ever had it at all."

"I understand that," Liara said with her head bowed. "Asari traditions are similar in a way. When I said farewell to Shepard before the final assault, I showed her how asari mourn a loss. We join our consciousness with another and share our memories of those who have passed."

"You think it's a good idea then?"

"If you think this would be the best choice for the rest of the humans, then I bow to your judgment."

"Let's call it an anniversary wake and let people make of it what they will. Everybody mourns differently," Kaidan said, already making plans for the event in his head.

"Shall we announced it tonight? Let people start preparing?" She rose and Kaidan followed. It was getting dark and neither of them had brought lights. The path would be almost too dark to traverse soon.

"Yeah, let's do that. Who knows what people will want to do."

The walked in silence for several minutes. Kaidan could tell Liara had something else on her mind.

"If you want to say something, Liara, now's as good a time as any," he said encouragingly.

"I was just thinking about how much longer I am going to be here than all of you. I could easily live for another thousand years. I'm going to miss you, Kaidan. When I die, there will be no one left who remembers where we came from, or what we did to save it all. I'm... It's a frightening thought."

Kaidan wasn't sure what to say or how to comfort her. Humans simply didn't know how to think of time the way asari did.

"Well, you'll have children here someday, and they'll remember some of us I hope."

Liara smiled sadly. "And then I will have to watch their father die. I'm sorry, Kaidan. I haven't been coping well lately. I don't mean to lay this on you."

"I'm here whenever you want to talk, Liara." He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I know it's hard for me to understand, but I'll always try."

There were tears on Liara's face when she let go and took a step back. Kaidan brushed one away with his thumb.

"I think a wake will do us all good," he said with a smile.

"Yes, I think so too."

That evening in the hall they told everyone about their idea and it was met with a mixture of excitement and sadness, just as Kaidan had expected. But just as they did with everything else, the crew began work planning with gusto.

A massive fire pit was dug and then surrounded by logs for seating. Diana's creative flare emerged and she set up torches surrounded by swaying mobiles of scrapes of metal polished to a high shine. They glinted and sparkled in the sun and everyone was eager to see how they would look the night of the wake.

Garrus took his team out and came back with two large kills, one of which was then gutted and stuffed with spices, fruits, nuts and berries. The other was cut up into smaller pieces and used in a variety of other dishes.

The time flew by and when the day arrived there was anticipation in the air. Kaidan was surprised at the enthusiasm everyone showed. He'd expected a much more reserved and mournful atmosphere, but then this would be the first event of any kind they'd held and it was hard not to feel some excitement.

As evening fell, people made their way in ones and two to the bon fire where the carcass had been spitted and turned slowly over the flames. Tables had been moved outside from the hall and were laden with food and drink.

They'd brought out the last of the alcohol and a few people were already a little bit tipsy. Kaidan had not planned to indulge, but when Garrus approached him with a glass tumbler with a few finger fulls of honey brown whiskey in it he could hardly decline.

They stood together on the edge of the party, watching their friends and neighbours laughing, eating and drinking.

"Well, Kaidan," Garrus said with a sigh. "You've done a hell of a thing here."

"Me?" Kaidan said a little surprised. "I haven't done anything."

"You took charge right off the bat. We've all worked hard for it, but it's thanks to your leadership. I don't know if I could have done it, that's for sure."

"Please, don't make me give a speech."

Tali approached from the fire, carrying a plate of food which she offered to Garrus. Her immune system was improving with every day that passed and tonight she had chosen to go entirely without her helmet. She'd braided her jet black hair into an elaborate bun atop her head and her pale skin glowed in the firelight.

"You're an absolute vision, Tali," Kaidan said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaning into Garrus with an arm around his waspish waist.

"Thanks, Kaidan. You're looking quite dapper yourself."

In honour of the occasion, Kaidan had worn his dress uniform. The dark blue and gold shirt almost didn't fit anymore since he'd put on so much more bulk working in the gardens every day.

"Seemed appropriate for the occasion."

"Tali, tell Kaidan he should make a speech," Garrus said with an amused twitch of his mandibles.

"Oh, you have to Kaidan," Tali said. "Who else is going to?"

Kaidan did sort of want to. There were things he wanted to say to everyone, about how proud he was, how honoured, to be here with all of them.

"All right, might as well do it while I have drink in my hand."

He hopped up on a log and called for everyone's attention. When everything was quiet save for the crackling of the fire, Kaidan took a deep breath and began.

"As of this day, we have been here for a full year. A year since the galaxy was saved and our worlds fell apart. Every last one of us lost that day, and we've had losses since then. Tonight is the night we remember it all. But don't think about what you've lost, remember what you had. Remember it fondly and with joy." He bowed his head and the crowd followed suit. A moment of silence passed and he raised he head and his glass and said, "For Shepard," and tipped back his glass of whiskey.

Echoing toasts rippled through the crowd, everyone toasting to their own memory.

"This one's for you dad," he heard Garrus say.

People were going to the tables and pouring new drink and raising their glasses in more toasts. EDI held an empty glass to her mouth and said, "To Legion, who was one."

Someone handed Kaidan a new drink and he stared at it for moment before raising it once again to Anderson this time.

This went on for some time before a pensive hush fell over the crowd and Kaidan took the stage again.

"You know what I miss?" he asked no one in particular. "Bread. A good sandwich and a cold one."

There was some weak laughter and then James raised his glass and said, "I miss having a good cigar."

"I miss my cat," someone else said tearfully.

"I miss my dog," came a voice from the back.

"I miss toothpaste," Samantha Traynor said wistfully and everyone laughed.

People continued to call out things they missed; mangoes, a guitar, art work, willow trees. The list went on and on, sometimes bring laughter or sighs of regret, other times eliciting choked sobs of sadness.

"There's a lot to miss," Kaidan said, acknowledging them all at once. "There's also a lot to look forward too and we can't forget about that."

He looked out at the crowd, their up turned faces illuminated by the glow of the fire and dancing reflections from Diana's metal mobiles. Near the front of the crowd Catherine stood with Morgan and James and was whispering something in the other woman's ear.

Catherine gave her a little shove and Morgan stepped forward and reach up for Kaidan's hand. He pulled her up to stand beside him on the log.

"Speaking of things to look forward too," she began, but James had already dropped his glass which clattered on the ground at his feet. "And if you haven't already guessed what I'm going to say by that reaction from my dear man, I'll be quite plain. I'm pregnant!"

A cheer rose up from the crowd and Morgan took a bow.

"Seemed like a good time to announce that," she looked at Kaidan with a grin then hopped down and joined a flabbergasted James who seemed unable to form words.

"Like I said," Kaidan said over the excited din. "Things to look forward to. Let's eat everyone."

He stepped down from the log and went to shake James' hand. The man was grinning from ear to ear as everyone slapped him on the back and congratulated him.

Feeling more nostalgic and lonely than anything else, Kaidan soon made his retreat from the firelight and sat down on the platform of tents to watch the gathering from afar. He felt light headed from the few drinks he'd had, the sensation spreading through his body like a warm tide.

A figure left the group and headed in his direction. Kaidan stood, planning to head back to the fire to avoid having to talk to anyone one on one. He just wasn't in the mood for it tonight.

Then the figure got closer and he realized it was Catherine. She was wearing a blue dress that brushed her ankles as she walked. Her hair was longer now and the curls bounced on her bare shoulders with each step.

"Not having a good time?" she asked as she got closer.

Kaidan sat back down and she joined him.

"Just need a few minutes to myself, that's all. What about you?"

She giggled and leaned into him briefly. "I'm a little bit drunk. Toasted a lot of thing. Feels like a release. I can move on now."

"I've never asked, but who did you leave behind?"

She shrugged. "No one much. My dad died when I was a kid. Never really knew him anyway. No siblings. Not a lot of friends."

"And your mother?"

Catherine laughed. "Alive and well, by some crazy luck. Wouldn't give a crap if she knew where I am now though."

"You weren't close?"

"Oh, we were very close. Talked every single day. But in the battle she was injured. Lost her memory entirely. At least that's the message I got on Hackett's list." She rubbed at her eyes with her palms. "I hope she never remembers. I couldn't bear the thought of her worrying about me. Better than she never know I exist at all."

She was crying now. No sobs or rattling breaths, just silent tears. Kaidan put an arm around her shoulder and just let her weep.

When the tears stopped, she stood up and held out her hand for Kaidan's.

"Walk with me a bit before we go back to the fire."

He hesitated only moment before he twined his fingers with hers and rose to walk off into the moonlight with her.

"You really like it here, don't you?" Kaidan asked as they rounded the corner of the hall and headed down the path between the houses.

"I do. In a way it's like a dream come true."

A breeze picked up and blew the filmy fabric of her dress out behind her. She tucked her free hand into her armpit and Kaidan noticed the goose bumps dimpling the bare skin of her arms.

"You must be freezing," he said as he angled for his own house. "Let's get you a sweater."

He pushed the door open and flicked the desk lamp on before going to his storage wall and pulling doors open looking for something in particular.

"I bought this dress on the Citadel last time we were there," she said as she gave a little twirl, watching the fabric fan out around her. "I have no idea where I thought I was going to wear it, but I'm glad I bought it."

"It's a lovely dress," Kaidan said with a appreciative glance and pulled a folded black sweater out from a cubby near the bottom and held it out to her.

It would be a little too bit for her, but it would be warm. Catherine unfolded it and saw the logo on the front and gave a little gasp.

"This is Shepard's N7 sweater that EDI got for her. I can't take this."

Kaidan took it back, unzipped it and held it out by the shoulders.

"Just for tonight. She wouldn't mind."

Catherine turned and slid her arms into the waiting sleeves and shrugged it onto her shoulders.

"Thanks, Kaidan. Did you want to go back to the fire?"

She seemed suddenly nervous and Kaidan finally took the opportunity to confront her sudden changes in behavior.

"Cat, have I done something to make you uncomfortable?"

She clasped her hands together and took a few steps towards him.

"No, not at all, Kaidan. I'm sorry if I've ever made you think that."

She lowered herself to the plush cushions of his couch and he joined her, sitting only inches away.

"So why the nerves all of a sudden?"

Turning to face him, she pulled her leg up on the couch, her calf pressing into his thigh.

"If you don't realize, maybe I shouldn't say anything."

"About what? Cat, you can talk to me. You know that. We're friends right?"

He rested his arm along the back of the couch and she leaned into it, her darkly tanned cheeks flushed a rosy tint. Her eyelids lowered and she put a hand on his thigh. Kaidan felt a tingle run up his leg as she did.

"Has it not been obvious that I'd like to be something more than friends?"

Kaidan stared at her and thought back to all their previous encounters. The way she always stood a little closer to him than was necessary, the coy turn of the head as she looked away when he complimented her. And then he realized something. Far from discouraging her, he had been sending all the right signals in return.

The playful banter at meals, soft touches when they greeted or parted, even kisses on the cheek from time to time. Sure, he was much the same with Liara and Tali, but now he saw that with Catherine it all felt much different. How could he have been so blind all this time?

"How long have you felt this way, Cat," he ask in husky voice, not trusting that it would function with more volume.

"A while," was all she said, still looking down at her lap.

He reached out and lifted her chin with a finger. She looked up at him through thick black lashes, the synthetics in her eyes glowing ever so slightly.

Leaning down, he placed his lips gently on hers. She responded tentatively at first then pulled back just a little bit as if unsure. She barely moved as he bought his arm down around her shoulder and spread his hand out on the small of her back to pull her closer.

The breath she'd been holding in her lungs released in a great sigh and Kaidan felt her hand tighten where it rested on his thigh. He ran his hand up her spine and cupped the back of her head, tilting it to bring her lips closer to his, only millimeters away now.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he whispered and put his other hand against her warming cheek.

She nodded slightly and breathed, "Okay," as he lowered his lips to hers.

It was slow kiss at first, chaste and delicate, but as it deepened and their tongues brushed, the heat grew and Kaidan's hand wandered down to her hip. She swung her leg up over his lap and he ran his hand down her leg to grip behind her knee as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.

A whimper escaped her throat and Kaidan felt fire burn through his body, gathering in his loins. Without taking his lips from hers he pushed her back until her head rested on the arm of the couch and he lay half on top of her.

She ran her hand up his chest and fumbled with the metal links at the top of his shirt. The rest of the buttons followed and soon she was running her fingers across his naked chest. A surge of pleasure raced through him as she reached behind him and dug her fingers into his back. He broke away from her, breathing heavily, looking down on her round face and cool blue eyes. There was something familiar in them. Something that tugged at the back if his mind, begging him to remember. He pushed it away and focused on the moment.

"I think I know why James calls you Catnip," he said, his voice throaty. She giggled and planted her lips firmly on his.

Instead of giving in to the kiss, he stood and pulled her up with him. Swinging her around he lowered her smoothly to the bed. She raised her knees and the hem of dress slid up to her hips, revealing milky white thighs and a peek of her lacey blue underwear.

His breath caught in his throat and he quickly lost his coat and kicked his shoes off, sinking down onto the bed beside her. The black sweater lay open, revealing her ample bosom rising and falling quickly under the thin material of her dress.

Kaidan placed his hand uncertainly on her stomach and when she closed her eyes and arched into him just a little, he ran it up her body until it rested atop the peak of one breast. That feeling, that grasping memory tried to climb up again, and he leant down his face to hers and continued the kiss he'd halted. Why did this feel so familiar?

His leg found its way between hers and he nudged her knees apart and rolled until he lay mostly on top of her. Pushing the pillow out of the way, he pinned one hand above her head and slid the other under her back, burying his face in her neck, kissing the tender skin beneath her ear.

Her body writhed beneath him and her voice was sultry and anxious at once as she begged him not to stop.

Then all at once his mind flashed back to the fire and the toast and his glass raised in the air to Shepard and he pulled back away from Catherine.

"What's wrong?" She asked, reaching a hand up to his face.

He rolled away from her and sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry, Catherine. I can't do this."

She didn't reply, but jumped off the bed and bolted for the door. She flung it open and then turned around quickly. Kaidan thought she was going to yell at him. Hoped she would. But she only grabbed her little shoes from beside the couch and yanked the sweater off and tossed it on the bed.

He heard gravel crunch on the path outside as she ran away from him. Guilt welled up and he hung his head. The memories of his last night with Shepard filled his mind. Lying on his back looking up at her silhouette profiled against the depths of space as she undulated gracefully on top of him, her hoarse cries filling the cabin. Rolling over on top of her when she'd finished and pinning her down to find his own pleasure buried deep inside her.

Waking hours later to her sitting on the edge of the bed, lines of worry creasing her face and the helplessness he'd felt looking at her. How could he even dream of beginning to replace those memories?

Kissing Catherine had felt so right, and so good. It didn't feel like betrayal. Yet, at the very same time, it did.

Feeling confused and unsure what to do with himself, he pulled his jacket and shoes back on, ran his fingers through his hair and started back to the fire. He could hear laughter and singing and longed to join them and forget about his troubles.

The first thing he saw was a couple he didn't recognize in the darkness lying on the ground behind a log, engaged in the very same act he had just quit. He made a bee line for the table with the alcohol and poured himself a glass which is downed in one gulp.

Soon his stomach was churning with the lethal mixture of guilt and alcohol and when James approached him from behind and slapped him on the back, he stumbled, nearly losing his balance.

Both men had clearly had too much to drink, but James was jubilant, feeling loud and brave, while Kaidan had gone straight to bulletproof and angry.

James took no notice of this and said loudly, "What are you doing back so soon, amigo? I saw you walk away with gorgeous little Catnip."

"Just leave it, James," Kaidan warned, his tone surly.

James just got louder and several people nearby looked over. "I can't believe you came back here. Go get her, Alenko!"

Kaidan couldn't explain what came over him. He wasn't a man to easily give in to anger, but it all burst forth without warning and his fist plowed into James' jaw. The huge man stumbled back, found his balance and launched himself at Kaidan.

His shoulder hit Kaidan in the hips and both men went down into the grass. They rolled, exchanging punches and knees to the torso until Garrus and Javik pulled them apart.

Javik held James back, the man's chest heaving, blood dripping from the nose Kaidan had likely broken. Garrus stood with a hand on Kaidan shoulder, not really needing hold him back.

"What the hell is going on?" Garrus said quietly to his old friend.

Kaidan shook off his hand and walked over to James. He held out his hand in truce and said, "I'm sorry, James. That was way offside."

James stared at Kaidan's hand and then slapped his own into the other man's palm. He gripped hard but Kaidan didn't wince.

"No worries, amigo," he said loud enough for everyone to hear, sending them back to their drinks and conversation, and then added quietly, "I'll lay off."

Kaidan let go, turned to leave the gathering, and stopped in his tracks. Catherine was standing at the edge of the firelight and had seen the whole fight. He locked eyes with her, then quickly looked away.

Garrus tried to stop him from leaving, but Kaidan just couldn't stay there. He needed to be alone. He brushed passed the turian and headed back to his house.

He closed the door behind him and fell onto the bed, his head spinning. His hip throbbed where James had landed on top of him and Kaidan tried to focus on the pain, let it bring him back to a sober state of mind.

Eventually he fell asleep, but his dreams were plagued by images of Shepard, his subconscious seeming to taunt and tease him. Morning came and still he stayed in bed. His uniform lay crumpled on the floor and the blanket pulled over his head.

Several times there were knocks at his door, but he ignored them all. He dozed fitfully until he awoke to find Liara sitting on the bed beside him.

"We need to talk," was all she said.