AUTHOR'S NOTE: All right, I REALLY didn't want to do this, but then I realized that it's been almost a week since the last chapter, and I couldn't keep you guys hanging. I had to do lots of crap for school all through this week, and so I had no time to write, and when I did have time to write, I wasn't really "in the zone," so it took me a long time just to write this. It's done now, though, but for now, it's only ONE SCENE. It's a good one, though, and I hope it's not too random. The rest of the chapter shouldn't be too hard at all, so hopefully it'll be up no later than tomorrow, but I won't make any promises! When I post it, it will be ON THIS PAGE as part of Chapter 15, so check back periodically. As always, thanks for your reviews and comments!

UPDATE (10/11) - Chapter is now complete!

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"I really thought I told you to knock before ever coming in here," Kendall said as his precocious little sister entered and closed the door behind her.

"Knock?" she asked. "Why should I knock? It's not like I'll ever catch you and Logan doing anything shocking. Or would I?"

Kendall groaned. "Look, if that's what you came to talk about, you might as well just turn right around." The last thing he needed now was her buzzing in his ear, telling him what he needed to do and how to do it.

Katie had discovered Kendall's secret back when they were kids in Minnesota. As was typical, she'd actually figured it out before Kendall had. At first, she just saw Logan as her big brother's dorky friend with the big glasses, but as time went on, she began to observe them a little more closely. At night, her mother would tell her what it meant to have true love - someone you could talk to about anything for hours, someone you could sit in silence with for just as long, someone who made you smile immediately, someone who put your happiness above their own - and the little girl just could not shake the feeling that all of those things, those amazing attributes of true love, were present in her brother's relationship with his best friend. Of course, she'd only been a child then, so her mind wasn't completely wired to distinguish between love and friendship, but by the time they'd moved to California, she was sure of it. So sure, in fact, that when she and Kendall had gone to the beach alone, she had decided to just ask. What had ensued was an hour of Kendall crying on her shoulder, telling her everything about how he felt for Logan and why he was scared to death of saying anything. Katie had promised to never tell a soul, but at the same time, she would never miss an opportunity to tell Kendall just how silly she thought he was for keeping it all bottled up. The way she saw it, he was totally in love with someone who so obviously felt the same way. There was no need for secrets and lies, for repressed feelings and emotions. All he had to do was tell Logan, and they'd be happy forever.

But she knew and understood why Kendall had his fears. She'd been young when their father had bolted, but she could still remember his temper and his stubbornness, and the way he would fly off the handle over the littlest things. She could recall the yelling that would come from Kendall's bedroom...and the red marks that would appear on his body in the morning. She sympathized with him, and she would never force him to do anything he wasn't ready for, but at the same time, she didn't want to see him live the rest of his life in secret misery. As much as they fought and fussed, deep down - maybe not that deep - she loved him with all of her heart, and she just wanted him to be okay. And if being okay meant she had to be a little bitch, then a little bitch she would be.

She inched over to the window, where an intense beam of sunlight almost blinded her. She'd been watching Kendall over the last week, and she'd easily detected that he was having a "Logan spell" again. Every few months, he'd get overcome with feelings for Logan, and the only way he could control them was by avoiding him and neglecting their friendship. Katie always took this as her sign to step in and try to knock some sense into him while she could.

"What do you want?" Kendall asked as he eased up into a seated position on his bed.

"I want to talk about you and Logan," she answered maturely.

"Well, like I said, the door is that-a-way," he pointed. He meant it that he wasn't going to have this conversation with her today. If she had just a moment to pick his brain and get inside his psyche, she could have made him do anything she wanted him to do.

Completely ignoring his instructions, Katie turned to him and smiled. "You missed it. Logan fell into the pool earlier, and his T-shirt was all see-through."

"Katie, please!" Kendall moaned, giving up on trying to play it cool. "Please. Let's not do this, okay?" He tried to keep the image of Logan's wet shirt from creeping into his mind.

She shook her head and sat down on the edge of Logan's bed. "You've been ignoring him all week. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I've been ignoring him all week because I've been thinking about my girlfriend," Kendall said, trying more to convince himself than her. "She's coming back tomorrow, and I've been thinking about all of the things I want to do with her."

"Oh. Right," Katie said dryly. She'd heard it all before, but unlike Kendall, she didn't latch on to Jo's every breathing word, so she could easily spot the bullshit from a mile away.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "You don't have to believe her," he said to her beady little eyes. "All that matters is that we're both going to give one-hundred percent to our relationship, and we'll be fine."

"Right," Katie said, again very dryly. "Until you're not fine anymore. You do realize that this happens every three months, right? You and Jo try being 'fine,' but then she goes off the deep end again, and the two of you start to drift apart. Then you and Logan start to drift together, and you get an inch - an inch! - away from just owning your feelings, but then Jo apologizes, and you believe everything she tells you, and you treat Logan like crap because you can't deal! Frankly, I'm sick of it."

Spurned by her bluntness and stung by the truth, Kendall resorted to his best defense mechanism: assholery. Sometimes it was great to have such a mature little sister, but damn it...couldn't she go to tea parties with the other little girls? Didn't she have a Justin Bieber poster to worship somewhere? Why did she have to get involved in his affairs?

"Well, luckily for you, none of this is any of your business," he told her snottily.

"Okay, and what about Logan?" she asked. She had a way of throwing every little thing back into Kendall's face just when he thought he had her licked. "Can't you see how unfair all of this is to him? It's not right that you keep making all of these decisions without talking to him."

"Logan doesn't matter," Kendall forced himself to say, but it was so hard to write him off like that. He had to keep the assholery alive, though. He knew his words were ruthless, but he didn't care. That ruthlessness would serve him well in getting that dork out of his mind - and heart - forever. "He doesn't matter. He'll be content with whatever I decide to do. By now, he should know that nothing's ever gonna happen between us, and he should be okay with that."

"You make absolutely no sense at all, but then again, what's new?" She got up and paced around the room. It was hard dealing with Kendall when he was this stubborn. In many ways, he was more like his father than he'd ever want to admit, but Katie knew how to handle him. "You're trying to convince yourself of all of these things, but you know just as well as I do that it's not working. Logan's been moping around here for months now, and it's all because of you."

"No, no," Kendall protested, ready to go toe-to-toe with her. "It's all because of Camille. If she was still here, Logan would be just fine, and none of this would be happening. It's not my fault she left, and it's not my fault that he can't keep himself in check until the next girl comes along."

"And if there isn't a 'next girl?'"

"Then that's his problem," Kendall said, but he knew damn well that that wasn't the case. "I offered to help him get over Camille, but he told me not to, so what is there left for me to do?"

"Tell him the truth! Talk to him!"

"I'm not going to ruin my relationship with Jo just to make him feel better!"

Katie scoffed. "What relationship with Jo? It's all phony! You're a phony!"

"Shut up, Katie!"

"No!"

They were silent for a while. Every time they'd have this conversation, it would somehow get a little heated. Not that they were prepared to throw daggers at each other or anything, but both knew that the other wasn't going to back down. And in both their minds, the other was wrong. Katie knew that it would be hard for Kendall to forget all of the pain from his past and just bite the bullet with Logan, but at the same time...he had to understand that it was what was best for him, right? And Kendall...he wanted to feel the way Katie did, that the world would still turn if he was true to himself and to Logan, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. And so he had to stay with Jo...and he had to push Logan away.

She sat down next to him on the bed.

"Kendall, look," she began. "You know that I care, right?" she asked, hoping he would be just as willing to put his guard down.

He nodded slowly, looking straight ahead...straight ahead to Logan's bed. Yes, he knew she cared...but he knew she could never understand.

"You can't keep doing things based off of what some sperm donor told you when you were twelve," she said as she put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "He left because he wanted to leave, and he's probably never coming back. Are you gonna keep letting him run your life?"

"It's not just him, though," Kendall said, his voice getting a little shaky. "It's not just him. What about Mom?"

"Kendall, come on...Mom is way different from what that guy was like. It's why they're not together anymore."

"But do you really think she wants to have a son who's...who's..." He couldn't even say it, and that hurt him more than he would expect it to him.

"Gay, Kendall," Katie soothed. "You're gay. Or you're bi. Or whatever. You like guys...you love Logan."

It always felt so real and solid whenever Katie would say it. Kendall could control his own words, and he could control the way he personally described whatever it was he felt for Logan, but he couldn't control his baby sister. She always knew more than he wanted her to know.

"To be honest, I don't think she wants a gay son," Katie said.

"See?" Kendall jumped, glad to finally hear her agreeing with him.

"But I don't think she wants a straight son, either!" she quickly clarified. "She wants HER son. And that's you. Whether you're gay or straight or bi or...even if you think there's really a girl underneath all of those huge, rippling muscles."

She poked at his lean chest and giggled, making him laugh. Yes, she loved her brother, and she just wanted him to be happy...he'd always done a good job of taking care of her, and she was more than willing to take care of him...if only he'd let her, if only he'd just listen to her and admit that she was right.

Another silence.

Kendall took a minute to really take inventory of his life. It was a shame that his little sister seemingly had a clearer outlook than he did. But it was easy for her to say all of those things, though, wasn't it? What did she have to lose? If Kendall were to break the ice and finally address the pink elephant that would always show up when Logan was around...her life wouldn't be destroyed, would it? She wouldn't have to worry about disappointing their mother or angering their father or living in a world that wasn't always accepting of people who weren't "normal." Yeah, it was easy for her to say he should just "own it" and "say something," but was she really thinking about him and his feelings and his future and what he wanted?

"You think I love him," he suddenly said quietly. "You said that I love him."

Katie nodded slowly. "When I was a little girl...and Mom and Dad would argue with each other in the living room...and you and Logan would just being there with each other in the backyard, talking...I learned what love was, and I learned what it wasn't."

Kendall was so touched that he looked at her, and he let her see the paltry little tears that were sitting just beneath his eyelids.

"Please," she continued, feeling her heart swelling at the sight of her brother crying. "Just...I want you to do what's right for you, and I know that you think you know what's right for you, Kendall, but...you have to understand. You have a lot of people who love you, and even if Mom does have a fit, it won't matter. I'll be here...and you'll have Logan. Even if your whole life falls apart around you, at least you'll be free to finally love him the way you know you want to."

Ugh, Kendall thought. Damn. This damn girl always gets her way.

"All right," he said. "All right. I'll tell him."

Katie began to smile, but she was skeptical.

"If things don't work out between me and Jo this time, I'll tell him," Kendall amended.

Katie's smile disappeared, but she knew deep down that Jo screwing things up was just a formality. She'd screw up, all right, and nothing could be surer.

"You better not be BSing me, big brother," she told him. "No backing out."

"No backing out," he promised. "But there's one condition."

"What?"

"When I tell him - if I tell him - I'm not going to let him think that we can be...you know, together or anything. He has to understand that we can't be together, and that the only reason why I'm telling him is so that we can both work together on...not being together."

Katie narrowed her eyes at him. "Fine, that makes sense," she said, not wanting to trigger his assholery again, but damn...he could be so stupid at times. Of course, Kendall might have thought that it would be as easy as just deciding he and Logan wouldn't be together, but Katie knew better. "We'll see about that," she said. "We'll see what happens when you tell him. Because you will tell him. Because Jo will screw up."

Kendall remained silent as she got up and went for the door. She stopped and turned to him. "I love you, Kendall," she said.

"I know. Now get out of my room."

She disappeared.

For the life of him, he could not understand how she had so much power over him. It just didn't make any sense, but whatever. Whatever. If there was one person he couldn't lie to, it was her, and somehow, she'd gotten him to commit to doing something he wasn't too sure of doing it.

But what she'd said stayed with him. So what if his dad would try to kill him? So what if his mom wouldn't want to look at him? And even if James and Carlos got weird around him, and even if the world hated him...it wouldn't matter...nothing would matter...because he'd have Logan Mitchell by his side, in his arms, in his life forever...

But that wasn't the goal. That wasn't what he was supposed to be thinking about. No, he was supposed to have faith in Jo, and he was going to have faith in their relationship. He wouldn't have to tell Logan anything, because Jo meant it this time. SHE MEANT IT. And everything would be swell.

"I hate my life," he said again, but his eyes shot open to make sure no one would come in and rain on his parade again. This time, however, his phone began to ring.

"Jo," he answered. "How's it going?"

And as he and Jo began to talk about the same old things, he couldn't help but wonder where Logan was at that very moment.

Ten days.

It had been ten long days since Logan had confessed to Jo his love for her boyfriend. He'd actually done it...he had actually told her that he loved Kendall. And more than that, he actually told her that he thought she was a shitty girlfriend and that he wanted Kendall to dump her. And, most shocking of all was the lie...he'd actually told her that Kendall loved him back.

I'm an idiot, he had told himself over and over again in the days following the big scene. I'm an idiot.

He'd never meant to tell her that, but damn it...he'd just wanted to make her hurt. He had wanted to see her suffer and to see her burn, and he'd grabbed for the meanest, most crushing thing he could say. And that was it. Telling her that Kendall loved him and not her? That had to hurt, and even days later, he could still see the death that had consumed her when he'd said it.

He hoped to God that she'd heard what he'd said after that. He needed her to know that it wasn't true, that he'd only said it in anger. He needed her to understand that Kendall didn't love him. Just the thought of her sitting Kendall down and telling it to him..."Listen to this...Logan, that queer, thinks YOU have a crush on him! Can you believe that?" And they'd laugh and laugh, but then Kendall would get angry, and Kendall would find him and do horrible things to him, and...

But no. No. That hadn't happened yet, and with each passing day, he believed it would never happen. Maybe Jo had a heart...maybe Jo could see that he was just as torn up as she was and that they needed to work together. He knew he had to get with her and explain everything - this time, though, the "real" everything, not a melodramatic exaggeration of it. But dang...it was such an intimidating prospect. How would she even react to him? Maybe she didn't tell Kendall anything, but still...did she want to kill Logan or did she feel sorry for him? Hell...he'd told her that he thought she sucked and that Kendall could do better. Why on earth would she ever feel sorry for him?

I have to get to her, and I have to make her understand, he'd remind himself every time she crossed his mind.

But had that not been the point of his little visit in the first place? To get to her and make her understand? And all he'd done was dig a deeper hole for himself. He hoped she would listen to him...he needed her to listen. He hadn't seen her or heard from her at all since that draining day in her apartment, but with her in Hawaii, he knew he had a few extra days to ready himself for the inevitable Round 2.

To make matters worse, Kendall was going through one of his "moods." Logan would notice it every three or four months. Kendall would start keeping a distance between the two of them...avoiding him, almost. He wouldn't talk as much, and whenever they'd have free time, he'd go off all by himself, never asking Logan to come along. As much as it jabbed at his heart, Logan was accustomed to these little periods...he figured Kendall was entitled to have time to himself. Of course, he would always get worried and wonder that maybe Kendall wanted time to himself because he was sick and tired of having to deal with a little dark-haired dork who did a horrible job of concealing the massive crush he had.

Whatever the reason, this time around, Logan considered it a blessing. No Kendall-time meant more time he could spend "getting out and meeting new people." He'd put his nose to the grindstone and really searched for activities he could take part in, in particular, activities that would push him as far away from the Palm Woods (and Kendall) as possible. He'd joined the Mark Twain Appreciation Society, the Marie Curie Appreciation Society, the Jonas Salk Appreciation Society, the Harry S Truman Appreciation Society, the Sophocles Appreciation Society, the Pythagoras Appreciation Society, the Benjamin Franklin Appreciation Society, the Dalai Llama Appreciation Society...he even joined the Snooki Appreciation Society. Anything he could get into that would occupy his mind...and maybe even help him find someone new.

You'll never find someone like Kendall, his nagging conscience would tell him. There will never ever ever be another one like him...

But Logan was okay with that. He wasn't looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with. Just someone who could keep his mind occupied for now...someone who could receive the kisses he wanted to give to Kendall, someone he could hold onto in the middle of a dark, rainy night...someone he could imagine was Kendall, even though he knew she could never be him.

As he walked along the sidewalk after attending his first meeting of the Hysterical About History book club, though, he wondered why he was trying to kid himself. Even if he did find someone who could take his mind off of Kendall, did he really think that that would be the magical answer to solve all of his problems? Thirty or so years down the road...would he really be happy with some girl and some kids, and he'd never even think about all of the things Kendall meant to him?

Never, he thought. Never.

Logan would often imagine what would happen if he was no longer there...if he just upped and disappeared and never had to look at Kendall or be near Kendall ever again. He wondered what would happen if he went to Gustavo and told him that he wanted out of the band...that he wanted to go back to Minnesota. He'd have to keep it a secret, because the other guys wouldn't want him to leave. Especially Kendall. He knew Kendall would beg for him to stay...he knew Kendall would need his best friend to be by his side...but damn it, didn't Kendall know that Logan had an urge to be more than just a best friend?

If Logan went back to Minnesota, he could just as well pretend that the last ten years had never happened. He had never talked to Kendall Knight. He had never met James Diamond or Carlos Garcia. He'd never packed up his stuff and moved to California, chasing behind a boy he loved. He'd never had this whole crazy adventure that was being Kendall Knight's best friend. No...he'd still be Hortense, and he'd be secure with his books and experiments and dorky little toys. Maybe he'd go to medical school, and maybe he'd ship himself off to some remote village where none of the natives spoke English.

But of course, he knew that there'd always be something in him...something in him that would constantly think of Kendall...no matter where he was. Even if he went into outer space and ended up on another planet in another galaxy...he'd still hear Kendall's laugh echoing through eternity...and he'd still see Kendall's smile and feel Kendall's touch...

You're no better than you were last week, he told himself as he got back to the Palm Woods. You've done nothing at all to "get over Kendall." You're worthless, and you're useless, and you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life.

And to top it all off, it seemed as if Kendall wanted nothing to do with him, either. Every time Logan went into their room, he'd be on the phone with Jo, and as soon as they'd hang up, he'd get up and leave. And Logan would just sit...trying to focus on the words in whatever work of literature he was reading...but in actuality, he'd be dying inside...little by little.

If that was what "getting over Kendall" was all about, then it was harder than he'd ever imagined it would be.

Yes, ten days.

It had been ten days since James and Carlos had decided to stay out of Kendall and Logan's business...whatever their business was. All throughout their workdays, James and Carlos couldn't help but watch, stare, observe. They had to see if there were any signs. There would be signs, right? If Kendall and Logan were carrying on with some kind of love affair, there would be obvious signs. For example, Carlos had pointed out to James the fact that Kendall had a knack for staring into Logan's eyes and smiling real, real big whenever they'd practice the love songs. But when they had decided to pay close attention to Kendall during the love songs...they didn't see it. He didn't stare into Logan's eyes, and he didn't smile real big.

And that wasn't the only thing, either. It seemed like all of the hints that the curious duo had thought that they had to work with - the way Kendall always treated Logan with extra-special care, the way Logan always had that longing look whenever Kendall was around - were strangely absent. And now, James was wondering if he'd just blown it all out of proportion.

"If we could just get our hands on Logan's journal again," he whispered to Carlos as they hung out by the pool. "There have to be some answers in there."

"I'm really starting to think you're on your own," Carlos replied in between bites from his corn dog. He felt so damn guilty about this whole thing. It really did feel like they'd been spying on Kendall and Logan, and that just didn't seem right. It was bad enough that James had gone snooping around and read Logan's journal, but now they were having hush-hush conversations behind Kendall and Logan's backs, and the guilt was eating Carlos alive.

"Carlos, you might want to pretend that you don't suspect anything, but I can't," James said. He fanned himself off with a glamor magazine. "When something is right in front of me, I can't just ignore it."

"Okay," Carlos said. He would so easily second guess himself. Even if he'd made it up in his mind that there was nothing going on between Kendall and Logan, just hearing James's dissenting opinion was enough for him to reconsider his own conclusion. "But what is there in front of you?" he asked, hoping he could somehow reverse the effect and make James fall victim to his certainty for a change. "We've been watching them like stalkers constantly for the last week and a half, and nothing's happened! As a matter of fact, they've been spending more time apart than they have in a while, so that's sort of the opposite of what we've been looking for!"

"And you don't think that could mean something?" James asked, leaning over his chair but trying to whisper. "What if...what if they know that we know and they don't want us to know, so they're making us think that we don't really know...what we know. You know?"

Carlos slapped his palm against his forehead. "James, like I said, you're on your own. If you want to keep coming up with these crazy, far-fetched notions, you're welcome to, but leave me out of it."

He squirted mustard on the rest of his corn dog and happily munched, hoping that this conversation was dead once and for all. He meant what he'd said, too, but maybe Carlos's motivations weren't as innocent and benevolent as they seemed. He actually wanted James to keep going after those "crazy, far-fetched notions," because, as much as Carlos hated to admit it, he too was having a hard time putting those Kendall and Logan suspicions to rest. But if he removed himself from the sneaking around and the observing and the spying, he wouldn't feel so bad about it. He hoped James would find out something, though. Anything, really. Just so he didn't have to keep on thinking and suspecting things about his friends.

James rubbed some lotion onto his face and lay back on his chair. He knew how Carlos was, and he knew that they both wanted to get to the bottom of this. Okay, so he wouldn't make Carlos be a sneaky little bastard. He was fine with being a sneaky little bastard all by himself, and if this whole thing turned out the way he figured it would - the way he sort of wanted it to turn out, actually - it'd all be for the best. He'd been kicking around the idea of Kendall and Logan being together for too long to suddenly let it go now, and even if he did let it go, he had the overbearing feeling that he really wasn't in charge of this whole "thing" anyway. It had a life of its own, and it was far from dead.

"Shit's gonna go down," he said coolly as Carlos sipped from a tropical beverage. "I don't know when or where, but shit's gonna go down."

Logan stood outside his bedroom door. He could hear that voice...Kendall's voice. On the phone and talking to Jo. His girlfriend.

"I'm glad you're having a good time," he could hear Kendall say. "Hawaii's kick ass from what I hear."

Logan wanted to just go back outside or go into the living room or just go wherever else he could go. He could sit and listen to Kendall and Jo's lovey-dovey conversations, but only for so long. And today, he just was not in the mood for that. But then...

"No, I swear I'm okay," Kendall said. "How does a person sound depressed?"

Logan's eyes narrowed and he leaned against the door to listen more clearly.

"Jo, I told you I'm fine, believe me. There's nothing that I want to talk about...of course, if I needed to talk about something, you'd be the first person I'd run to. Wait a minute...wait...you think I'm cheating again, don't you?"

That pierced through Logan's ears like a knife through a potato. Was she starting up again ALREADY? Was she ALREADY giving him shit again? ALREADY? After only ten days of being Miss Perfect Girlfriend, she was on his case about an imaginary mistress who only existed in her mind?

It's me, he thought. She's asking him about me...I'm the imaginary mistress. I'm ruining their relationship.

Maybe he would have smiled at knowing that he played just a small part in the unraveling of Kendall and Jo, but as he heard Kendall plead with her that she could trust him and that he would never hurt her...all Logan could do was feel like a selfish, guilty, evil creature. He hadn't told Jo about his feelings for Kendall to help her or to help Kendall or to help anyone but himself. Had he been thinking about Jo's feelings, he would have realized that she didn't need to be wrapped up with suspicions about Kendall and his best friend. Had he been thinking about Kendall's feelings, he would have known that Kendall didn't need to deal with Jo's nagging and whining and insecurities. But no, all Logan had been thinking about was himself...his feelings, his emotions, and what he wanted.

If I was only thinking about myself, he thought, I would have taken him from her a long time ago...I would have kissed him, and I would have made love to him the way I've always wanted him to make love to me...and he would have loved me, and he wouldn't have given two shits about her or where she would have ended up.

He pivoted on his foot and began to head for the living room. Maybe there'd be some documentary on TV that would take his mind away from his problems. Maybe then he wouldn't hate himself so much, and maybe then he wouldn't love Kendall so much, and maybe then he wouldn't be so scared of Jo and her unpredictable actions. Maybe he could sit and watch television until he was sure Kendall would be fast asleep in their room.

But as soon as he turned on the TV and sat on the couch, he could feel the presence behind him.

Kendall.

"Hey," he said weakly as he slowly approached Logan from behind.

Logan dropped the remote to the ground and turned in surprise. "K-K-Kendall..." he said.

"So...uh...what are you doing?" Kendall asked. He sat on the sofa next to Logan but he made sure not to let their legs or shoulders or arms or anything touch. Not even their eyes.

Logan didn't know what to say. Obviously, he was channel surfing, but hell...he honestly had no clue what he'd been doing before Kendall sat down next to him. It was like all other activities with all other people were just opening acts for the main show, which was Kendall. This being the first time Kendall had sat down and initiated a real conversation with him in over ten days, Logan was unsure of what to do or how to act.

"I'm watching this...on TV," he stuttered, pointing blindly to the screen. "This" happened to be some random show on PBS with a man with an afro painting "happy little trees."

"Cool," Kendall said, immediately turning to the TV and watching it as if he was a diehard fan. Logan, at a lost for reaction, turned and did the same.

I hate my little sister, Kendall kept thinking. I hate her hate her hate her. Because now I kind of WANT to be with Logan, and now I WANT to...touch him...and other stuff. Fuck.

He knew he'd been treating Logan badly over the previous days. He knew that maybe he should have invited him to tag along to the beach one day or maybe they could have played video games one day or maybe they could spent a lunch break at work going over harmonies together or maybe one night they could have had the serious heart-to-heart that Kendall knew they probably needed to have. But he didn't know if he had the strength to do all of that without letting Logan get to him and letting Logan break down his resolve to be "normal" and be happy with Jo.

Jo. Ugh. He'd gotten her to see that she had nothing to worry about, that he wasn't "cheating" on her. She'd always come around with her little fears...that would always be the beginning of her descent into "bitch Jo." She'd start with the paranoid nagging. "I saw you talking to a girl by the pool." "I heard you went to the movies last night." "You kissed a fan on the forehead?" "You stayed at the beach until midnight...all by yourself...with no one else?" Kendall would try and try to reassure her, and she'd take his word for it, but he knew that there'd always be something in her that couldn't trust him. There'd always be something in her that ignored the outrageous amounts of love he'd give her whenever he felt like she deserved it. No amount of affection would ever be enough to make her believe in his fidelity.

Of course, he also knew that the love was split. He could never give her every single drop of love that he had in his body, because some of that love - a substantial portion of that love...a huge amount of that love...most of that love - belonged to Logan.

He eyed Logan carefully through the corner of his eye. He knew he could have that boy...for the rest of his life...for eternity...and being "normal" wouldn't matter. Nothing and no one would matter, because they'd be together forever. They'd leave California behind and find a place in the middle of nowhere.

He needed to be sure, though. He needed to know that that would be enough...that Logan would be enough for him for the rest of his life. He needed to know that if his parents disowned him and if his friends alienated him and if he had no other place in the world to call home...Hortense Mitchell, with his glasses and his knobby knees, would be all the warmth he had ever yearned for.

I already know that, he thought. But I'm scared...and I want to take it slowly.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, never turning away from the "happy little trees."

Logan let the words rest in the air for a few seconds before responding. He, too, remained fixated on those trees. Such happy little trees...two of them, of course, and they had not a care in the world. They lived on the side of a mountain, where nothing could bother them.

"For what?" Logan finally asked.

"For this week," Kendall elaborated. "I've been a horrible best friend."

Logan swallowed carefully and looked down. He didn't want Kendall to notice his shaking body or his twitching thumb.

"You've been busy," he said shakily with a hint of understanding. "I mean...we've been busy. All of us. You and me. And James and Carlos."

Kendall took a deep breath. "But you and me are different."

Again, Logan waited before giving an answer. Both of them held their breath for what seemed like perpetuity.

"We are."

And then, Kendall turned from the TV to face this...this weak, hurting, nervous, stressed, depressed, and wrecked little boy...his little boy...his man.

"It's not too late to hit up the beach," he suggested calmly and solidly, with the sun beginning to set in the window.

And in Logan's mind, there was never a single moment of deliberation or second thought or anything like that. Not a single question as to whether or not he would go...because even though he knew he probably shouldn't...even though he knew going would only hurt him...he just had to feel loved, if only for one evening...if only for a few measly hours. He had to feel Kendall's love..."friendship" love as it may have been...but he needed to feel it. Because if he was serious about getting over him or finding someone else or leaving California behind...he knew he needed to feel that love just one more time before he let it go forever.

He nodded slowly as the artist smiled at his "happy little trees."

"Let's go."

NOTE: And there you have it, the complete Chapter 15! Thank you all for being patient and waiting for it! Next chapter's gonna be a heavy one, trust me. I will tell you this...their trip to the beach will be very interesting, but we're still a few chapters away from EVERYTHING getting out in the open. I have most of the rest of the story outlined, and things are just gonna build and build until it all explodes in a big old-fashioned climax! I truly hope you all keep reading and letting me know what you think!