AUTHOR'S NOTE: All right, guys, this one took a little while because I got extremely busy dealing with life stuff. Sorry :( First and foremost, thank you all for your comments and reviews! I was glad to finally see some critical stuff! I'm taking everything into consideration, and it really made me think about where the story's going, and I'm happy to tell yall that Chapter 22 and Chapter 23 will be "the" chapters where everything is revealed! I hope that's not too spoilery lol Anyway, though, here is Chapter 20 :)

CHAPTER TWENTY

For the second day in a row, Logan found himself lying still in bed, pretending to be asleep, as he listened to Kendall shower and freshen himself up for the day ahead.

It was Monday morning, and the two had barely spoken at all since Saturday night. On Sunday, Kendall had gone to meet Jo at the airport, and then they had spent the whole day together. Mostly shopping, a few hours at the beach, and then an evening alone at Jo's place. Kendall had made it a point to not even darken the door of Apartment 2J until he was convinced Logan was fast asleep, and sure enough, when he finally had returned home, his best friend/roommate/lover/enemy/whatever was knocked out. Logan had spent all of Sunday exercising his brain and renewing his intelligence. All of the teenage drama and romantic trauma had taken a toll on his very being, and so getting out and being nerdy had served him well. And when his eyes had gotten heavier that night, and it seemed like Kendall would not be coming home any time soon, he'd simply turned off the light and went to sleep. What else was he supposed to do? He'd told Kendall himself to spend time with Jo, and now Kendall was spending time with Jo. This should have taken some of the pressure off of poor Logan, but it didn't, and even in his sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about Kendall.

It was fabulous.

It was horrible.

But it didn't matter, because he'd be gone soon anyway.

Monday, though, he could at least get some kind of consolation from the fact that Kendall wouldn't be spending the morning with Jo. No, he knew for a fact that it was time for one of Kendall and Katie's twice-a-year dental appointments, and so all three Knights would be sitting in a waiting room for God-knows-how-long.

As Logan got up and began to mill around, though, he remembered that he had two important appointments of his own today. He was looking forward to one of them. Dr. Riley was back in town! Damn, it felt like forever since he'd seen him, and so much crap...so much drama...so much bullshit had happened ever since his last session. Logan didn't even know if he'd feel comfortable enough with the doctor to tell him everything. It had been so long, and the doctor would have felt like a stranger all over again. But Logan knew he needed to be open and honest. At this point, Dr. Riley was the only one he could talk to.

Well, except for, of course, Jo, who was his other "appointment." He brushed his teeth and thought about when she would corner him and demand answers from him. But then he remembered...she'd told him more than once that things would be "okay." So maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

He got dressed and grabbed a book on his way out. Without even stopping for any kind of breakfast, he headed out the door, his mind set on a leisurely reading session by the pool. Carlos, who'd been sitting on the couch watching a movie, didn't even let his mind consider the option of asking Logan about what was going on with him and Kendall. Nope. Katie could call him a wuss or a weakling or whatever she wanted to call him. He'd promised himself he was going to stay out of it, and that was what he was going to do. Even if the curiosity was beginning to kill him.

This was beginning to feel like deja vu for Jo. Everything that was happening, and everything that was going to happen, had already happened before, and last time, it all ended with her being drained off all of her tears and then cutting herself to get rid of her own blood. But this time it would be different. She was standing in the shadows of the Palm Woods courtyard, spying on Logan as he found a comfortable seat by the pool and began to read. She was eager to get to him and talk to him, but at the same time, she was scared. She knew, though, that if she didn't talk to him today, everything would just build and build inside her until it exploded in some embarrassing way that wouldn't have been good for anyone.

And so, within a matter of seconds, Jo Taylor slipped into her character, slipped into the role of the strong, fearless young woman who was always a step ahead of everyone else and who always got what she wanted. She stepped out of the shadows and approached Logan, who'd barely gotten past the first chapter of his book.

"Logan," she said, standing to the side of his chair.

Logan's stomach immediately fell upon hearing her voice, but he knew he had to stay centered and calm. This was going to be for the greater good. Only for the greatest good. In order for things to get better for him, he'd have to face Jo sooner or later.

"Jo," he responded, his voice devoid of all strength. "Hey."

Their eyes met, and for the first time, both could really, truly see just how terrified the other was. It was suddenly clear that no one here had the upper hand, that neither one of them felt the tiniest bit of security about this whole entire thing.

"Um..." Jo stumbled, letting her carefully-built facade crack. "We can talk upstairs."

Logan just nodded and closed his book. He rose from his seat, and they walked wordlessly into the building and into the elevator, remaining silent all the way up until they got to Jo's apartment. Logan was feeling confident, but as soon as Jo opened the door, he was shaken up a little. The last time he'd been in the Taylor apartment, he'd made her cry her eyes out...he'd begun to cry his own eyes out...it had been a miserable hell of a revelation.

You're here to make it right, though, he told himself as Jo grabbed some water bottles from the refrigerator. You want to make it right for her and for Kendall and for yourself and for everybody.

But they were both scared, and so they sat quietly. The sound of the clock ticking away the seconds reverberated through the room, and they were both very content at pretending like guzzling down the water was the single most important thing in the world at that very moment. Naturally, though, it was Jo who mustered up the courage to speak first.

"So, Kendall's at the dentist, huh?" she asked, tightly screwing the cap back onto her water.

"Uh...yeah," Logan answered, making sure to leave his water opened so that he could quickly get a sip whenever his heartbeat got too rough.

"He has perfect teeth," Jo said absently.

"Yeah," Logan agreed, but then he caught himself. "I mean...I don't know...maybe...I don't look at him that often..." He grabbed his water and took a big gulp from it. Jo was reaching for her own when Logan spoke again.

"Jo, I don't want to cause any trouble," he said, nervously clutching his bottle. "I don't want this to be bad...for anyone."

She nodded.

"And what would be bad?" she asked, hoping that they were on the same page. It would be much easier if they were.

"I don't know..." Logan let out, finally feeling safe enough without having the bottle in his hand. "I just don't want it to be something where...what you and Kendall have is ruined because of me. I don't want to be the reason why he's unhappy."

Jo nodded again, this time very diplomatically. "I can understand that."

And then Logan nodded, and Jo nodded, and they both went for the water bottles.

"What are you going to do about it, then?" she asked. Her strength was returning, as was her confidence. She could see that Logan was nothing for her to worry about.

"I don't know," Logan said again. It was his immediate go-to answer for questions he couldn't face. "I've been trying to get over him," he said. "I figure if I can just stop lov-...liking him, then maybe it'll all go away, and it won't be a problem anymore, and-"

"Just stop liking him?" Jo asked, a little confused by the concept. "You mean...just stop? Like, out of the blue?"

"Yeah," Logan replied. It had never sounded as ridiculous as it did when Jo said it. "I mean, that was why I went on that date with your friend Michelle, and it's why I've joined like a hundred clubs. I'm trying to get him out of my system."

Jo began to think about this. If Logan thought that "getting over Kendall" was as easy as going on dates with other people and filling his time with other activities, then maybe she'd been blowing the entire thing out of proportion all along. Maybe the years-long love that she'd always thought Logan had for Kendall was nothing more than a simple little crush, easily squashed by her own fingers.

"Do you really think that it's as easy as that?" she asked him, careful not to get her hopes up.

"Well...uh..." He knew he probably should have said something about his thoughts of going back to Minnesota, but he vaguely felt as if he was under attack, as if she was very subtly teasing him for thinking it could be so easy. "I think if I concentrate and work hard on it, it'll work," he said defensively. "It worked when Camille was here."

Jo nodded, and they went for their water.

"Jo, I'm sorry about what I said," Logan quickly blurted, as if it was a password saving him from imminent death. "The last time I was here, I mean. You're not a horrible girlfriend, and Kendall loves you, and -"

"Logan, it's okay," Jo told him. Through all of this mess, she was beginning to see how neurotic her boyfriend's best friend could get. "Like I told you, I know I have things to work on. And I guess you have things to work on, too."

"Yeah," Logan said, marveled by how quickly she was able to somehow put them both in the same boat.

"Tell me, though," she said, "is there anyone in particular that you've been seeing?"

I've been seeing your fucking boyfriend, the vindictive, malicious side of Logan wanted to say with beady eyes and an evil tone.

"Not really," he said with a nervous chuckle. "Michelle was the last date I went on, and that..."

"That didn't turn out well. I heard," Jo replied. She felt like shit for the whole Michelle thing. Maybe if she'd just let the two of them get to know each other, they would have hit it off, and then she and Logan wouldn't even be sitting here.

"You haven't seen anybody else since then?" she asked, truly surprised that Logan was so alone.

"No." He probably should have told her that he'd been thinking about Kendall too much to even consider other people - that was the way it had been for years - but he felt as if he and she were reaching a comfortable understanding that would have been ruined by talk of his Kendall love.

"And there aren't any girls around here that you're interested in?" Jo kept with her questions, wanting to be completely clear on where Logan's heart stood.

"No. None."

"Hmm...what about boys?"

"What about them?"

"Well," Jo said, "If you can have a crush on Kendall, then obviously you check out other guys, too, right?"

Logan had never talked about being gay with anyone before, except for Dr. Riley. And in Logan's mind, he didn't even connect his feelings for Kendall with being gay. His feelings for Kendall had nothing to do with gender or sex or anything like that. But yes, he knew it was possible for him to like other guys - if, of course, he could actually like anyone other than Kendall.

"Yeah, I guess."

They both drank. The wheels began to turn in Jo Taylor's head, and when they turned, they turned efficiently and quickly. Plans, schemes, manipulations...she could come up with them all very effortlessly, and all it took was a quick run-through of her available resources and materials. And just as easily as she downed the last drop of her bottled water, she had an idea planted firmly in her head.

"You know what, Logan?" she said like a used car salesman. "I want to help you."

"You do?" Logan asked. But then, when he thought about it, he should not have been surprised that she'd want to help.

"Yes," she said, hopping up from her seat and going to her purse. She dug around for a second, then she pulled out a nice, glossy party invitation. "We're having a birthday party for one of the girls on New Town High, and guess who I'm bringing as my plus-one."

"Kendall?"

She shook her head. "No, no, no, idiot. You! I'm bringing you! You can mix and mingle with our cast and crew. There'll be some hot guys, some hot girls...whatever you want."

He regarded her invitation with caution. Was he ready for something like this? Something so big...something so...intimidating. What if they all laughed at him? And called him names? He couldn't imagine Jo's scene being his scene at all. The drinking, the drugs, the partying, the wild atmosphere...really not his thing.

"I don't think any of your friends would be interested in me," he shyly stated.

"Oh, Logan, please," Jo replied. "You really have got to stop it with the modest thing. You're a great guy. I mean it. You're super smart, though that goes without saying."

"Yes, and everyone's looking for a smart guy," he said sarcastically.

"Hey, you're more than just a brain! You're very smart, and you're very charming when you want to be. And, if you don't mind me saying, I think you're very cute."

Logan blushed a little. People rarely called him cute or hot or anything like that.

"There's no reason why any girl - or guy - would want to pass up a chance with you," she said. Except for Kendall, of course.

"Michelle did. I really screwed that one up..."

"Yeah, well...Michelle's a hooker," Jo quickly said.

Logan stood and went to the picture window. If he took Jo up on this offer and went to this party, what would be the worst that could happen? He'd go there, make a fool out of himself, and then he'd be more sure than ever about just leaving California, and then he'd leave, and nothing would stop him from moving on with his life.

Kendall would never let you leave, his little voice said. He'd handcuff himself to you and never let you go.

But what would be the advantages of going to this party? Would he really find someone with whom he could make a good connection? Was that possible?

"Look," Jo said, joining him at the window, "why don't you think about it, okay?" She stuffed the party invitation in his pocket.

He turned to her and nodded. Somehow, she'd gone from being his worst nightmare, his greatest fear, and the worst monster he could ever face, to being a small beacon of hope...some kind of symbol of better days ahead. But as he downed the last of his water, he could remember that in the end, no matter what happened, if his plans were "successful," Jo would be the only true winner here. She'd have Kendall, and he'd have to settle with someone who was less than Kendall. And so he knew he couldn't trust her completely.

As he tossed his water bottle into a waste basket, his eye was caught by an old framed picture that sat on a small end table tucked off in the corner of the room. A little girl in the dorkiest horn-rimmed glasses, wiry Pippi Longstocking braids, and an old-fashioned gingham dress. For a split second, Logan could see Jo's face on the little girl, but-

"My cousin," Jo quickly intervened. "My cousin...we were almost like twins when we were growing up."

"Oh," Logan replied.

"Yeah," Jo said, and then, without missing a beat, "but yeah, you think about this party. I really think you should come."

She guided him toward the door.

"I'll think about it," he said. "I don't know, though..."

"Logan, I said I wanted to help you, right?"

"Yeah, you did..."

"All right, then. Let me help you!"

She smiled at him to show that she was being sincere, and he returned the smile to show that he was taking her offer into consideration. Truth be told, though, he wasn't crazy about the idea. He knew that Kendall didn't like Jo's party antics, and how would Kendall have felt about Logan taking part in those very same activities?

Stop worrying about Kendall, he told himself. This is your life, and you have to live it, and you can't center it all around someone who doesn't love you.

But just as he was about to exit, Jo issued a very piercing reminder.

"And remember what I said, Logan," she told him. "You want me on your side."

He turned back to her, a little confused. Hadn't they moved past the point of making threats to each other? He thought they'd reached an understanding. Before he could properly respond to her, she closed the door.

She's allowed to make all the threats she wants to make, his little voice told him. You're trying to make a move on her boyfriend, and if she wants to fight you tooth and nail, she'll fight you tooth and nail, you loser.

Back inside, Jo went immediately for the picture of her cousin. She yanked it out of the frame, and looked at it. Such an ugly, awkward, boring, plain, friendless, lonely, dull little girl. Such an awful, vindictive, insecure little bitch she had been, too. Only ten years old, but a horrible little person. She turned the picture over. What was written on the back had always make her heart skip a beat.

"Gretchen Josephine Taylor. Fourth grade."

"I'm doing this for you, Gretchen," she said to the picture as she folded it into a small square and put it in her pocket.

Not her cousin.

Her.

"And then what happened?"

"I...I told her. I told her everything. I told her that I think she's a horrible girlfriend and that Kendall can do much better and that I...that I love him. And that he loves me."

Logan closed his eyes and braced himself for Dr. Riley's reaction. They sat in his office.

"You told her that he loves you, too," Dr. Riley reviewed anticlimactically.

"Yes." Logan slowly opened his eyes again, relieved that the doctor didn't have the severe reaction he'd been expecting.

"Sometimes we say the most peculiar of things in the heat of the moment," mused Dr. Riley. He stroked the hairs of his beard and stared into space. "In the midst of an argument, there is no time for lies or pretense. The things we say are-"

"But it was wrong!" Logan interrupted. "It was totally wrong. Kendall doesn't love me, and...and I told her that he does, and she can go back and tell him what I said at any minute, and it scares the crap out of me!"

"Calm down, Logan," Dr. Riley said, snapping out of his intellectual moment. "I think if Jo was going to tell Kendall, she would have done so by now. I do think, however, that it would be best for you to perhaps...keep your emotions in check for now. As far as Jo is concerned, at least."

Logan nodded a little. He could go with that...it made sense. As helpful as Jo might have seemed, he couldn't shake the idea that she was an unpredictable time bomb, and he was standing in the path of destruction.

Dr. Riley, meanwhile, couldn't shake his own ideas. This man wasn't one of the state's most respected adolescent psychologists for nothing. He could analyze any teenager and know just what they were thinking. He didn't even know this Kendall Knight, but it was as clear as day to Dr. Riley that Logan's love for him was not the least bit unreturned. He wished he could get Kendall in his office for just one session, though, just to see how close Kendall was to cracking and confessing his feelings for Logan.

"All right," he finally said. "You told me that the day you and Jo had this huge blow up, you'd been thinking about telling Kendall the truth..."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't I?" Logan repeated defensively. "Because! Because! Because...because, when you get into a big argument with a girl, you don't go and tell her boyfriend that you love him! Really, you don't tell a straight guy that you love him...ever!"

"But Logan, we've gone over this before, and I'm still confused," Dr. Riley said sternly as he shifted in his seat. "You say that Kendall is your best friend. You say that he was there for you when no one else was. You say that he'd do anything for you. You say that you love him because of all these things. But, still, you believe he'd have a negative reaction to you telling him how you feel."

Logan was speechless. He didn't know what to say...the doctor was right. Kendall had been all of those things to him...it was exactly why he had such strong feelings for him. But at the end of the day...was this really the one and only thing that he felt could ruin their friendship?

"Yes," Logan said quietly. "Yes. I don't think it'd end well for either one of us if I told him the truth."

Dr. Riley let it soak in for a second. Logan's life. Logan's choices. They belonged to him, and Dr. Riley couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. All he could do was guide him along in the decisions he'd made.

"All right," the doctor said, smiling. He wanted Logan to feel at ease again...he wanted the boy to remember that he had someone on his side. "How have you been doing as far as getting out and meeting people? You said something earlier about a club you joined."

"Yes! Yes! I've joined a few clubs, a few appreciation societies," Logan replied proudly.

"And how has that been for you?"

"Well," he thought. It hadn't been much, actually. As much as he knew he was supposed to be getting out and meeting new people, he also knew that his main reason for going club crazy was just so that he could have an excuse to not be around Kendall so much anymore. While at those clubs, though, his mind was rarely on meeting someone new. "It's been okay," he sorta lied. "It's all right."

"Have you met anyone special?"

Logan could feel shame envelope him. He didn't want to disappoint, but damn it...he hadn't met anyone special. "No," he said shamefully. "No. Most of the people there are old, though! Like you!"

"Uh?"

"I mean...they're older than me. And if there are any people there my age, they're really not my type at all, and-"

"What is your type, Logan?"

"I don't know," he said, but he knew exactly what his type was. His type was blond hockey players who also sang in boy bands.

They sat in an awkward silence. Dr. Riley felt bad for putting the pressure on him, but at the same time...what was the point of Logan coming to see him if no progress was to be made? His job was to help Logan get better, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes that meant a little pain.

But Logan was scared. He had too many things going on in his mind, and too many questions, but so few answers. Should he tell Dr. Riley about his "back to Minnesota" plans? How would the doctor react to that? He'd probably say that Logan was merely running away from his problem and destining himself for a life of sadness and depression. Should he just tell Kendall the truth? Or would that spell the end of their friendship forever? Should he just go out and make out with the first girl he saw? But that would be living a lie.

"Logan, I want you to focus on you," Dr. Riley finally said, shaking Logan to attention. "I want you to focus on you and what you want and who you are, and your future. This is your life we're talking about, remember? And only you have the power to change it."

"I know."

"I know you know," Dr. Riley said warmly. "You said you want to get over Kendall, you said you want to find someone else and spend your time with that person. That was your decision! That was what you decided to do. It was your own idea. Okay. Do it, then! The only way it could possibly be done is if you do it. Don't let opportunities pass you up. Go out and have a good time every once and a while. Go to a party. Go to the beach alone. Go see a movie. Go to a concert. Get out and mingle!"

Go to a party.

He said to go to a party!

As Dr. Riley got up to schedule their next appointment, a light bulb flashed on in Logan's head. Go to a party! A party! He'd been invited to a party, hadn't he? And wasn't that party going to be held in just a couple of days?

All right, I'll go, he thought to himself as he and Dr. Riley agreed on a date for their next session. I'll go...I'll go...

But it was a party with Jo...and Jo's friends. The drinking, the drugs...not his scene at all.

But I have to make the changes, he told himself as he left the office. I have to make the changes, and I can't keep running away from them. Going back to Minnesota would be running away, and I can't do that anymore!

So he was going to go to this party. He was going to meet someone. Anyone. He had to. Even if it was someone who might not have been his ideal match. Even if it was just someone who he could have somewhat of a good time with. Even if it was someone who he was only interested in because they reminded him of Kendall. He'd go to the party and meet this person, and he'd see where it would go from there.

His mind was a whirlwind. Hundreds of thoughts spinning around and around and around, making him dizzy.

He sat on a bench outside Dr. Riley's building and called Jo.

"Jo?" he greeted. "Yeah, it's me, Logan. Um...you know that party you were talking about? Yeah, I think I might want to go after all."

"Who was that?" Kendall asked as he returned to his and Jo's spot by the pool with two tropical beverages. He handed one over to her as he sat.

"Oh, nobody," she answered, carefully keeping her phone out of view. "Just someone from the show."

"Ah," Kendall replied.

He sipped on his pink smoothie, and though it stung a little on his newly cleaned teeth, he knew that this was the life he wanted...this was exactly what he wanted. His favorite drink and his favorite person in the whole entire world.

And if he kept telling himself that, then maybe it would be true.

He'd spent all day Sunday with her, even dealing with her crabby jet lag mood, and now he was doing it again today. As soon as he'd gotten out of his dentist appointment, he raced back to the Palm Woods to catch up with Jo. If he'd idled around for even the slightest moment, he might have been tempted to find Logan and...

I can't do that, he told himself. I can't do that. I want to be normal, remember? And I'm going to be, and so Logan is off limits for now. We can be together with other people, sure, but not alone. Never alone. I don't trust myself around him anymore.

And, Kendall knew, it wouldn't be long before he'd shaken it all off again. He'd decided that yes, he was the stronger one after all, and he was going to prove it by ignoring every single thing he felt about Logan. He'd transfer those feelings to Jo, and everything would be back to, of course, "normal." And then Kendall could get back to trying to hook Logan up with some girl.

"We're having a party for Krystal," Jo said. "I can't stand her, but I guess I have to go."

"Aww," Kendall sighed. "I thought you liked her."

"Yeah, I did," Jo explained, "but then she had the nerve to win Best Female Scene Stealer at the Epic TV Awards last month. Remember?"

"Oh yeah..."

"Everyone knows that I get the best lines on the show, and everyone knows that I'm the best actress on the show, but then she comes out of nowhere and it's like...what the fuck?" she whined. "I'm better than her at everything."

"Well, it's not her fault that the voters like her better, is it?" Kendall suggested, hoping to maybe implant a little graciousness.

"Damn right it is! She probably gave blow jobs to everybody on the committee."

Kendall let the issue go. He knew that when Jo made her mind up about something, there was little he could do about it.

"Oh," she noted, "and you don't have to worry about the party. I'm sure everyone's gonna be wasted and sloshed and what-not, but not me." She turned to him and smile. "I'm not like that anymore."

Kendall smiled back at her, and they kissed. "Oh, your lips taste like pineapple," he said.

"Mmm," she purred in reply.

"Maybe I'll go to this party with you," he said. "It's been a while since I've shown my face at a New Town High party."

"Umm," Jo fumbled, "no. No, no. You don't want to come, trust me."

"Sure, I do!"

"No! Kendall, no."

She could NOT have that happen. Now that Logan was planning to go, she had her own plans for him, and Kendall being there would only get in the way.

"It'll be boring, and you hate our parties," she told him.

"I do hate your parties, but I'll go just to make you happy," he replied.

She giggled insincerely. "No, Kendall. I don't want you to put yourself through hell just for me. I'll tell everyone you're sick."

He smiled at her again, and they kissed again. "All right," he said.

And as they got up and headed back up to her apartment to watch some movies, Jo thought about what she wanted to do and how she wanted it done. She kept a long list of contacts, people she thought she would need for one thing or the other in the future, and she had someone in mind who would be perfect for what she needed to do with Logan.

I'm not trying to hurt him, she convinced herself as she and Kendall lay down in bed. I'm not trying to hurt him at all...it's all about protecting myself! That's it. And in the end, it might turn out well for everyone.

Oh yes, she had her plan set, and she was ready to carry it out. And in a matter of days, Jo just knew that all of her troubles and all of her worries would be gone.

NOTE: All right, like I said, Chapter 22 and Chapter 23 are gonna be the big explosive chapters you guys have been waiting for! Chapter 21 is going to set it up, but after that, it's going to be Kogan overload. Still, the story won't be finished, because our boys are going to *need* each other, and they'll need each other really, really bad!