Disclaimer: I own Kole and nothing else.

AN: I know a lot of the dialogue is the same as in the books for my first few chapters. I will be changing things up from now on. The first few chapters Steph/Kole was in shock and kept things mostly the same. There will still be some things that are the same just like in my last story, but now a lot more is going to be changed and altered. Thank you for all the great reviews.

Relatively Speaking

By

Kole

Previously…

It was close to nine when I finally made it home. I got a shower to clean all the dried blood off of me and threw my pants in the garbage. I got my pajamas on and crawled into bed. I was so upset that I had actively caused a shoot out just because I act before I think. I even knew to shut up and yet I didn't. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind of everything that was sure to happen now that book ten has begun, as I fell asleep. I didn't succeed because that night I woke up screaming many times with nightmares. But they weren't as bad as in comparison to how they would be after this whole mess was over, relatively speaking anyway.

Chapter 5

When I woke up in the morning, I sat in my bed for a few minutes and looked out the window. The bedroom window in my apartment looks out at a blacktop parking lot. The apartment building was constructed in the seventies and is totally lacking in charm and amenities. The interior of my apartment is one step away from college dorm. Decorating is one of the many things on my to-do list.

I got up and did my morning routine. Run, shower, and eat. I was running almost seven miles a day now and I was thinner and more in shape. I loved it and it also made it easier on my takedowns. I still wanted more training and to cut back on my running and do other exercises to work my muscles more. I would work on that, it was also on my to-do list.

After I was done eating, I tapped on Rex's cage.

"Do you think I should just hide away in my apartment until this whole Slayer thing blows over?" I asked him. Rex just stared up at me, blinked, then ran into his soup can.

"Yeah, thanks for all your help. You're a regular Dr. Phil." I said, as I rolled my eyes.

I was just going to get ready to leave when I heard a knock at the door.

"Howdy," Grandma Mazur said when I answered the door. "I was out for a walk, and I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by for a cup of coffee."

"That's a long walk."

"The house was getting real crowded."

"I was just going out," I told Grandma. "I have a couple people to pick up this morning."

"I could help! I could be your assistant. I'd be good at it. I can be real scary when I try."

I grabbed my bag and threw on a jacket. "I don't actually need anybody scary, but you can come if you want. I was planning on going to the office to say hi. And then I'm going to get Sally so he can reschedule."

Grandma followed me out the front door, to the curb.

"This sure is a pip of a car," Grandma said. "I don't remember you ever getting a new car. This is real nice and you haven't blown it up yet."

"I don't plan on ever blowing it up, if I can help it. I really like it. Its fast and safe and just big enough without being to big. Not to mention its really cute."

Lula was at the door when I parked in front of the bonds office. I knew she was going to tell me we needed to go over to Cantell's, so I didn't bother to park. I just stopped in middle of the street.

"We got an emergency call. Remember the chip lady? Well, she's having some kind of a breakdown. Connie just got off the phone with the chip lady's sister, and Connie said we should go over there and see what's happening." Lula said.

"Yeah, I know. Lets go." I said.

"Oh, yeah. Of course you know. Oh," Lula said, peeking in the car window. "We got Grandma on board."

"I'm helping Stephanie this morning," Grandma said. "What's a chip lady?"

I tuned out their conversation, as Lula got in and I drove over to Carol's. I was going to have to sit down tonight and think about everything. I was also going to have to talk to Lula and Ranger about book ten. I didn't want to tell them everything, but I had to tell them some things and I was going to have to talk to Ranger before he went 'in the wind'.

I was hoping that I would still be able to stay at Rangeman if I needed to and I was also really excited about seeing it. I've always wanted to just hang out at Rangeman for a day. I think it would be awesome.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I turned into Cantell's neighborhood. A woman, who I knew to be Carol's sister, was standing on Cantell's front porch. She took a startled step back when she saw the three of us get out of my car.

"Hunh. Wonder what she's lookin at," Grandma said.

"Yeah, I wonder." I said, sarcastically, looking over at Lula as she hitched up her fuchsia and black animal print spandex pants.

I approached the porch and handed the woman my business card. "Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum."

"I remember you," the woman said. "You had your picture in the paper when you burned the funeral home down."

"Yeah, well it really wasn't my fault." I said, truthfully. I mean honestly, I wasn't even there. Stephanie was, but I wasn't. I had noticed that people did bring that up a lot. They always had this way of saying it, that made me feel like they were accusing me. I wasn't sure if it was because they were or if was just me.

"It wasn't my fault either," Grandma said.

"I'm Cindy, Carol's sister. I know she's been having a hard time so I called her this morning. Just checking in, you know? And as soon as I heard her I knew something was wrong. She didn't want to talk on the phone, and she was real secretive. So I came over here. I only live two blocks away. She wouldn't answer her door when I knocked, so I went around back and that door was locked, too. And the shades are all drawn. You can't see into the house at all."

"Maybe she just wants to be alone," Lula said. "Maybe she thinks you're nosey."

"Put your ear to the window," Cindy said.

"You think Carol held up another truck, don't you?" I said, stopping Lula from putting her ear to the window. It was pointless, I already knew what she would hear.

"Yes!" Cindy said. "I didn't want to call the police. And I didn't want to call her ex-husband. He's a real jerk. If I'd been married to him, I'd be a little nutty, too. Anyway, I remembered Carol saying how nice you all were, so I thought maybe you could help."

I slammed my fist against the front door. "Carol. It's Stephanie Plum. Open the door."

"Go away."

"Open the door or I will break it down." I screamed.

The door flew open and Carol stood in the doorway, holding a bag of Cheez Doodles. She had doodle dust in her hair, lining her lips and all over her clothes.

"Whoa," Lula said. "It's fright night."

"What is it with you people?" Carol screeched. "Don't you have lives? Go away. Can't you see I'm having breakfast?"

"What should we do?" Cindy asked. "Should we call 911?"

"Lula get all the bags of chips gathered up, please." I said.

"You can't take my chips!" Carol cried.

"You're a nut," Lula said, prowling through the house, gathering up stashed bags of chips. "You got no self-control. You need Chips Anonymous."

Lula opened a bag of Doritos and ate a held out a grocery bag. "I found this in the kitchen. We can put the chips in it and take them with us so she isn't tempted to eat any more."

"That was the plan." I told her. I knew that in the book Steph gave them to Cindy because she thought if she had them she would eat them. I knew I would eat a few, but I also knew that Lula and Grandma Mazur would eat most of them.

Grandma looked over at Carol.

"Are you gonna be okay if we take all these chips? You aren't gonna flip out, are you?"

"I'm okay now," Carol said. "Actually, I feel kind of sick. I think I'm going to lie down for a while.

"We filled the grocery bag with the remaining chips and left Carol standing at the door, the pallor of her skin looking slightly green under the orange doodle dust. Cindy drove off and Grandma and Lula and I stuffed ourselves into my car with the chips.

"So what kind do you want first?" Lula asked, once we all got in.

"I had my eye on that bag of barbecue chips." Grandma said.

"Sour cream and onion for me" I said.

"Here you go," Lula said, handing out the chips. We all started to eat our chips.

"Now what?" Lula wanted to know. "I'm not going to have to go back to the filing, am I?"

"Sally Sweet's next up," I said, after rolling my eyes. I don't remember Lula ever filing and I was sure she wouldn't start today just because we didn't have anything to do.

"I'm in," Lula said.