So here is the second part of the Great Blangst Fest 2016, which I'm sure some of you are going to hate me for. Yes, I'm an evil son of a bitch.
Day 34
Blaine and Rachel were watching TV (well, the TV was on and Rachel was talking) when Blaine's phone rang with the same old ringtone, that Blaine hadn't seen fit to change. He smiled as he accepted the call.
'Hey.'
'Tell him hi from me,' Rachel said with a wink before excusing herself from the room, giving them privacy to talk.
'Hey yourself,' came Kurt's voice.
'So Rachel says hi,' Blaine chuckled, feeling a pleasant fluttering in his stomach at hearing Kurt's voice again.
'Thanks.' Blaine could hear Kurt's smile on the other end.
Blaine had been surprised at how comfortable things had been between himself and Kurt for the past month since Kurt had moved. Kurt hadn't been kidding when he had said he wanted to keep in touch; they spoke together on the phone at least once a week, and on days when they didn't there were emails and Facebook and semi-flirtatious text messages. Blaine had visited Kurt in his new LA apartment the weekend before, and it had felt like nothing had changed at all between them.
There had not been a single mention of dating or other people, and Blaine couldn't help but feel hopeful. He was even starting to move past his resentment of the fact that Kurt needed this in the first place. It was normal to have doubts about a relationship, wasn't it? All the books and movies said so, right? So just because Blaine had no doubt in his mind, didn't mean that Kurt didn't get to. And the fact of the matter was that after a month apart, Kurt and Blaine were still having long, comfortable conversations, which had to mean that Kurt wasn't having them with someone else.
'Listen, I should tell you.' Kurt sounded anxious suddenly. 'I've been invited to this charity event this weekend.' Kurt babbled off the details of what the charity supported and what kind of people would be there.
'That sounds like a really great cause, Kurt,' Blaine said bracingly. 'And it can't hurt your career either to be seen out and about like this.'
'That's what I thought, too. And, well, he's mostly just a friend, but I just thought I'd let you know in case there were pictures and you wondered or something.'
'Oh.' Blaine felt his stomach drop. 'You're going as someone's date.'
'Yes. Is that okay?'
'Yeah, of course.' Blaine's voice was strained as he replied. 'So who's the guy?'
'It's Scott.' Kurt's voice was cautious, as though he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. 'You know, Scott Boyes, one of the producers on my show?'
'Oh, okay.' Isn't he a bit old? 'I didn't realize he was gay.'
'It's not like I'm dating him,' Kurt said quickly. 'I guess, he just thought I might find it interesting.'
'Kurt, it's fine. Really.' Blaine sighed, hoping Kurt couldn't hear through the phone. 'It's what we agreed to, isn't it?'
'I guess, but-'
'Listen, I should go. I have a huge paper to write,' Blaine blurted and hanging up, before remembering that classes didn't even start for another couple of weeks.
.
.
Day 39
It was Tuesday the following week and Blaine had just finished reading Kurt's latest email, detailing his work on the show and how much he was learning. It said nothing about his faux date three days prior. In fact Kurt had not brought it up at all, since they last spoke, and Blaine had not wanted to ask, although part of him was dying to. He had not missed the way Kurt had talked of Scott as "mostly" just a friend. Blaine stared at his desktop, bouncing the laptop lightly in his lap, until finally a morbid sense of curiosity overtook him.
He opened his browser and typed a few choice words in his search engine. It didn't take long for him to find what he was looking for. He browsed through the press photos from the event, barely registering who he was seeing except they weren't Kurt. Then he reached the photo of Kurt and Scott, and Blaine sucked in a breath.
His eyes fell on Kurt first, looking simply stunning all dressed up to the nines. He was practically oozing excitement, and Blaine smiled, genuinely happy for Kurt in his success. This Scott next to him – Blaine didn't really know a lot about him, except the little Kurt had told him. He looked to be in his late thirties, and he was handsome, Blaine supposed, in a rugged sort of way. Blaine's eyes drifted from their faces to Scott's arm, snaked around Kurt's waist in what Blaine thought was a much too intimate way. Kurt didn't look at all uncomfortable. Beneath the photo there was a bit of text that the website that hosted the photos had written.
Scott Boyes and his new beau? CUTE!
Blaine clicked away immediately, quickly regretting his curiosity. He closed his laptop and tossed it aside as though it was poisonous.
Blaine was sitting cross-legged on the couch, his nose in a book, when Rachel came home a few hours later. Blaine felt the couch dip as she joined him there.
'What's up?' she asked, nudging a shoulder against his.
'What? Nothing? I'm fine.'
'Your book is upside-down, Blaine,' Rachel informed him in an even voice. Blaine flushed. 'You saw the pictures, didn't you?'
Somehow Blaine's first thought was there was more than one picture? and he wondered if the rest were any better or worse. However, if Rachel's tone was anything to go by, they certainly weren't any better.
'I don't know what you're talking about,' Blaine insisted, staring at the upside-down page number in his book and feeling too embarrassed to admit that he was jealous of this Scott based on nothing more than a photo.
'Look, Kurt assures me they're just friends, no matter what the media says. He's not this guy's new beau or whatever.'
'So what if he is?' Blaine tried for nonchalant, but was pretty sure he was failing. 'Kurt's allowed to date. It's kind of the point of this whole thing.' He made a vague gesture with his hand, before finally abandoning his book on the coffee table.
'I don't think that's...' She trailed off, frowning for a short moment. 'Well, you're allowed to date, too, don't forget,' Rachel told him, clearly trying to show him a silver lining. 'Have you even-'
'No.' Blaine's voice was firm. 'We're doing this for Kurt's sake, not mine. I'll wait all year if I have to, but I'm not dating anyone else while there's still a chance he's not done with us.'
.
.
Day 54
'I have a date,' Kurt informed Blaine on the final night of August. 'Well, kind of. It's a blind date that a mutual friend set up. She talked him up so much I'd have felt rude saying no.'
Blaine's inside felt like they were twisting into knots. Just the day before he himself had turned down a similar offer with the words I'm sorry, I can't, I'm still in love with my ex. And then he had gone home and eaten half a tub of ice cream, because in his fluster he had just called Kurt his ex.
'Okay. Well, have fun, I guess,' Blaine forced out, feeling more than a little pathetic being so decidedly not over them, fighting back advances from Sebastian who had somehow caught wind of the situation, while Kurt readily accepted dates.
'What about you? Are you... Have you met anyone?'
'No. It hasn't come up.'
.
.
Day 73
'Hey,' Blaine called from his place on the couch in the living room, where he was attempting to stay focused on his homework, when the front door slammed.
'Hi,' Rachel greeted tiredly, before flopping down on next to him a few moments later.
'Long journey?'
'Long journey,' she confirmed. Rachel had been to visit Kurt in LA for a few days, and Blaine was dying to ask questions, but wasn't sure he particularly wanted to hear the answers. So far Kurt had been pretty good about keeping Blaine informed, telling him when he went on a date or to a party, but Blaine couldn't decide whether he was glad of that or if he would rather just not know.
'Nice trip?' he asked, trying to sound casual and feigning interest in whatever was on his computer screen.
'Yeah, definitely,' she said sincerely. 'He's doing what he loves. It's great to see him so happy, you know?'
Blaine made a non-committal sound, as he continued to fiddle with his laptop.
'Okay, you're gonna have to help me out here,' Rachel said then, causing Blaine to look up, frowning in confusion.
'What?'
Rachel moved so she was kneeling on the couch, and she looked imploringly at Blaine. 'Look, I know all this,' she gestured with her hand. 'must be difficult for you. I know you miss him. But Blaine, I don't know what you want from me, and you're gonna have to tell me. I'll give you details and my thoughts and the whole shebang, if you want, but sometimes I think you'd rather I just spare you.'
'I'm not sure I know either.' Blaine sighed. 'Wait, what does "spare" me mean?' Rachel just looked at him for a long moment. Did he really want to know? Maybe not, but he needed to. He took a deep breath. 'Okay. Lay it on me. Tell me everything.'
And tell him everything she did; from the moment she arrived in LA to the moment she stepped back into the apartment. Whether or not it involved Kurt. Blaine rolled his eyes fondly as she spoke.
'So he's dating? A lot.'
'If you want to look at it that way, then yes, I guess. But Blaine, for what it's worth, I really don't think he's looking for anything serious. I think you've got this idea in your head that he's unsure of you or something, but all I saw was a guy going to parties and the occasional date, enjoying some innocent flirting. Like an extended bachelor party, or something.'
'Great. Good for him.' But there was no joy in Blaine's voice.
'I'm sure once the year is done, when you graduate and you can join him, he'll want to pick things up.' Rachel put a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.
'I hope so. It's just...' Blaine closed his eyes for a second. 'I guess I can understand where he's coming from with all this. It was difficult being apart in his freshman year. I can sort of understand the impulse to want to try being single in a big city, if we're going to be apart for the next year, anyway. But it's just- Even if we get together again, it wasn't supposed to be like this, you know? I wanted to someday tell our kids the story of how I met Kurt at sixteen and it's only ever been us. No wavering. The whole thing is just so shitty.'
'I know, sweetie. But things don't work out the way you plan. That's life.' She spoke softly, but Blaine thought he detected an edge of impatience in her voice, and he felt another miserable stab of embarrassment at his inability to handle the situation. 'I mean, look at me. I thought for sure I'd marry Finn and look how that went. But we've both moved on and are happier people for it.'
'Is that your way of telling me it's time to move on?' Blaine cocked an eyebrow, smiling wryly.
'No,' Rachel insisted, dragging out the word. 'But maybe it'd be good if you went out sometime? You've never been single in a big city either.'
'Can't,' Blaine said quickly. The very thought made him feel ill. 'No time. Too much school work.'
.
.
Day 85
'Dude, are you coming or not?' Max poked his head into the bathroom, where Blaine stood in his underwear post-shower. 'Cause we kind of need to get going soon.'
'Oh. I guess you should just go on without me,' Blaine said jumping on the excuse. 'I'll just-'
'Oh, no you don't,' came Rachel's voice as she barged into the bathroom, pushing Max aside in the process, and immediately started dragging Blaine out of there by the arm. 'He's coming,' she told Max who watched in amusement. 'Give me five minutes.'
'Rachel-' Blaine began when she had led him to his bedroom and started rummaging through his closet, but she cut him off with an impatient 'Shush!' She rifled through his clothes for half a minute, before throwing a pair of pants and a matching shirt on the bed. She regarded him sternly, hands on hips.
'Get dressed,' she ordered. Blaine opened his mouth to protest. 'Ah! I don't want to hear it. I don't care if you spend the night in your own corner, not talking to anyone, but you are going to this party and that's that.'
Sensing defeat, Blaine reluctantly started pulling on the clothes Rachel had picked out for him.
'It's not like I'd let anyone down by not going,' Blaine whined, pouting a little. 'These are all Max's friends.'
'Perfect. Then they won't care if you're being an anti-social ass.'
She gave him a meaningful look, and Blaine gave an exasperated sigh. 'Honestly, I'd rather just stay home and-'
'Curl up on the couch? Watch a bunch of bad rom-coms?' Yeah, actually that sounds really good. 'I'm sorry, but I'm done watching you mope around the apartment like a kicked puppy. You've been doing nothing else for two months and I'm sick of it. Here. Shoes.'
Blaine put on the shoes on with a scowl. 'My hair-'
'Is fine. You can go one night without product. No one's gonna care. They're all drunk anyway.' Rachel gave him the once-over, and – apparently satisfied – she added, 'Now, get.'
Blaine moved out of his bedroom and into the hall, before Rachel could drag him by the arm again.
'He's ready,' Rachel announced to Max who was waiting at the front door. She kissed Blaine once on the cheek and gave him a reassuring smile. 'Have fun.'
'Thanks,' Blaine muttered, sending her a small smile and hoping she would understand what he meant.
.
.
Day 105
The phone rang in Blaine's ear. One, two, three, four times.
Since they first met in 2010, Blaine and Kurt had always celebrated the day they met as much as the day they got together (which Blaine quietly called 'The day I got my head out of my ass'). Blaine did not want 2016 to be an exception, so he planned on flying out to LA, so they could celebrate together. The day fell on a Wednesday this year, which for obvious reasons did not really work for either of them, so Blaine was calling Kurt to ask him whether the weekend before or after was better for him.
Blaine frowned lightly as the phone continued to ring with no answer. Kurt was usually pretty quick to pick up his phone. Of course, Blaine realized, today was Friday. Kurt was probably out at some party or-
'Hello?' a voice said, before Blaine could finish the thought. It was clearly a man's voice, but it definitely wasn't Kurt's.
'I'm sorry, is this the right number?' Blaine frowned. The man was breathing heavily into the phone and there was a strange scuffling noise in the background. 'I'm looking for Kurt?'
'Sorry, mate,' the man, who seemed to be speaking with an English accent, sounded out of breath when he replied, and what was that noise? 'Kurt's a little tied up at the moment. Can I take a message?'
The man sounded oddly smug, and it sent shivers up Blaine's spine for reasons he couldn't quite explain yet. And then he heard a quiet sated sort of giggling in the background – and that was definitely Kurt giggling.
'Josh, what are you doing?' Blaine dimly noted that Kurt, too, was breathing heavily. 'You don't answer my phone in the middle off-'
Kurt's words were cut off by a loud, clearly pleasure-induced moan, and Blaine froze, feeling all the blood drain from his face as he realized what was happening. He ended the call quickly, before dropping the phone as though it were on fire, but the noises he had heard still rang in his head, and a picture was forming in his mind of Kurt sprawled on a bed – his own maybe – in some obscene position with this faceless English prick pounding into him and-
Blaine shook his head, getting to his feet and starting to pace around the apartment in a vain attempt to clear the image from his mind, but everywhere he turned he was reminded of Kurt. The couch – they used to make out there. The desk – Kurt used to sit there, studying or dreaming up new designs. The kitchen – Kurt was a fantastic cook. Blaine's bedroom, which used to be their bedroom – the things they had done in there; things Kurt was doing with someone else right this minute. The guy – Josh – had used the words "tied up", and oh god, had he meant literally?
Without really thinking about it, Blaine had picked his phone back up and was calling the first person that came to mind.
.
Blaine was sitting alone at the bar, scowling into his drink. Loud music filled the place, but it wasn't enough to drown out the giggling and the moaning and the comfortable way Kurt had addressed the guy, and Blaine knew beyond a doubt that what he had heard wasn't their first time together, and god, he felt so stupid. He heard Kurt's voice in his head, asking him over and over Are you seeing anyone yet? and then the unspoken Maybe you should. Blaine downed the rest of his drink in one go, wishing he could stop clinging to a past that Kurt had so obviously let go of, and feeling pathetic and useless that he couldn't.
'Hey there, killer, slow down,' a familiar voice greeted him, its owner patting him on the shoulder. 'You're way ahead of me already.'
'You came.' Blaine had never been so glad to see Sebastian Smythe.
'You sounded upset,' Sebastian shrugged, gesturing to the bartender for drinks. 'Booth?' he nodded towards an empty booth in the corner, and Blaine followed him there, letting himself sink back into the plushy seat. 'What's up?'
'He's moving on,' Blaine croaked. 'Kurt. From us.'
'O-kay,' Sebastian said slowly, and Blaine knew that "confidante" was not really Sebastian's favorite role to play. Blaine didn't know why he was telling Sebastian this, or even why he had wanted to see him tonight. 'Has he actually told you that?'
'Not exactly,' Blaine admitted. 'But he's fucking someone else.'
'Well, that doesn't have to mean anything. Take it from me. Sometimes sex is just sex.' Sebastian did his best to sound like he was reassuring his friend, but Blaine also heard the slight disappointment in his voice, and Blaine wondered again why he had thought it was a good idea to spill his guts to Sebastian Smythe of all people.
'Not for Kurt.' True, these days Kurt was far from the "baby penguin" he had been at seventeen, but still, Blaine couldn't see him jumping into bed with the first guy that came along, newly single or not. And if he did, what did that make Blaine?
'You guys are on a break, though, right? Isn't that kind of what you do? See other people and stuff?' Sebastian reasoned.
'Would he be fucking someone else if he planned on us getting back together?'
'I don't know, would he?' Sebastian shrugged. 'I'm sorry, I really suck at this stuff. But I always kind of figured that was the point of a break. Fucking around.'
'That's not what-' Blaine made a choked sound. 'He said he needed the year to figure things out. Looks like he has,' Blaine added bitterly.
'Well, then I'm sorry.'
'No, you're not,' Blaine chuckled despite himself.
'Okay, you got me.' Sebastian threw his hands up in mock surrender. 'I've always thought you were too good for him and if he's letting you go, well, then he's fucking blind and stupid. But I am sorry if you're hurting,' he added, his voice soft and his hand touching the side of Blaine's face in a surprisingly tender gesture. Blaine sighed and closed his eyes, raising his hand to cover Sebastian's hand, keeping it there.
He heard the soft squeaking sound as Sebastian scooted closer to him in the booth, and he kept his eyes closed as he felt soft breath against his mouth. The kiss was hesitant almost, soft and barely there. When it broke after just a few seconds, Blaine opened his eyes to find Sebastian staring at him, his expression soft.
'Perfect,' Sebastian muttered, and something in Blaine fluttered at the word.
'Seb,' Blaine whined a little.
Blaine might be a little tipsy at this point, but he wasn't stupid. He knew what Sebastian was doing, what he was hoping for. However, at this moment with Sebastian being everything he needed him to be, Blaine didn't much care what the other boy's agenda was.
Sebastian brushed his thumb across Blaine's bottom lip, and Blaine shivered.
'Gorgeous.'
'Are you- Do you live nearby?' Blaine asked.
'Not far,' Sebastian replied calmly, shrugging, his darkened eyes the only thing betraying him. 'You sure?'
'Yes.'
.
.
Day 106
When Blaine woke the next morning, the first thing he was aware of was a warm arm draped across his back. He was confused for a second until he shifted slightly, feeling the soreness in his body and the night before came rushing back to him. He felt dirty and used – and oddly a little like he had used Sebastian. But a strange sort of calm had washed over him, and he felt a little less broken than he had yesterday.
There was a buzzing noise coming from somewhere on the floor. Blaine turned his head to look and realized that it was coming from his pants. Sebastian stirred beside him.
'Hm...leave it.'
'But, I should-' Blaine rarely ignored a phone call, as it had always made him feel rude. He successfully pulled the phone from his pants, but then Sebastian was pulling him back by the waist, fully awake now. He rolled Blaine onto his back, grinning at him and playfully pinning the arm that held the phone and kissing him open-mouthed.
'Let it go to voice mail. The world doesn't end because Blaine Anderson doesn't answer his phone.'
Blaine grinned happily, but took the phone in his other hand and answered it anyway, forgetting to check the caller-id.
'Hello?'
'Blaine! Hi! It's Kurt.'
'Kurt!' Blaine quickly sat up, ignoring Sebastian's eye-rolling.
'Listen, before you say anything, I need to apologize for last night. That was- You shouldn't have had to hear that. Josh, he- he shouldn't have done that. I'm really, really sorry.' Kurt did sound genuinely sorry.
'Yeah, that was... unexpected. And no offense, but your boyfriend's kind of a douche.'
'He's not my boyfriend, Blaine,' Kurt said quickly. Exactly how was that better?
'I slept with Sebastian,' Blaine announced before he could stop to think about what he was saying. Behind him Sebastian sucked in a breath, but didn't otherwise move or say anything.
'Oh.'
Blaine wasn't sure what he hoped to gain by telling Kurt. Jealousy? Anger? Disappointment? Maybe Blaine hoped that Kurt would yell at him; after all the crap he had pulled over the years, why Sebastian? Because unlike you Sebastian still wants me. Maybe he just wanted to hurt Kurt a little. Whatever it was it certainly wasn't oh.
Oh was barely even a reaction at all.
.
On the train ride home later that day, Blaine's mind was reeling. If sleeping with Sebastian of all people – with all the history and everything Blaine knew he represented to Kurt – only rendered quiet acceptance from Kurt, then it really didn't matter to him anymore what Blaine did. He was finally beginning to accept the fact that Kurt was moving on. A tightness formed in his chest at the realization. Blaine wasn't angry with Kurt. He couldn't be. But that didn't mean that living with the knowledge was going to be easy. And despite living in opposite ends of the country, Kurt was still so much in his life, just not in the way Blaine wanted him to be, and it hurt.
His mind made up, Blaine went straight to his bedroom and turned on his computer, when he got home. He logged on to Facebook and, before he could second-guess his decision, he promptly unfriended one Kurt Hummel. Next he pulled out his phone and finally changed the ringtone for calls from Kurt back to the regular one, the same one he had for everyone else. He felt sagely grateful that he would no longer have to listen to that inane song every time Kurt called. Not that he expected Kurt to be calling a lot. That was kind of the point.
It was time to stop focusing on the past and look ahead.
.
.
Kurt knew that he had no right to be upset, but still – Sebastian? That kind of stung. Kurt had wanted to say something – make a snarky comment, maybe even yell at Blaine – but everything he had been able to come up with seemed inappropriate given that less than twenty-four hours ago, Blaine had been made to actually listen to Kurt with Josh. Josh, who Kurt didn't even like (Blaine was right, the guy was kind of a douche), and didn't that just make Kurt sound like a slut?
He wasn't though, Kurt reasoned. A slut. Josh was the only guy Kurt had even been with that way since arriving in LA. Kurt went out a lot, yes, but really it was all one-off dates and casual flirting in bars. Kurt was having fun enough, sure, but, if he was honest, the single life wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and Blaine was still the only guy whose image Kurt jerked off to at night. Josh had been … a mistake. Now, in the harsh light of the day, Kurt regretted his actions deeply, and not just because of the phone call.
Blaine's graduation couldn't come fast enough, as far as Kurt was concerned. Blaine had to know that, right? Hadn't Kurt told him he didn't want to break up for real? Of course Blaine could see other people just as much as Kurt could, but somehow when Kurt had imagined it, it had all been innocent flirting and maybe a kiss or two. When Kurt had suggested the break back in July "other people" had seemed so abstract; a concept rather than the potential of a real tangible person taking the place of either himself or Blaine. Sebastian made the whole thing real to Kurt in a way it hadn't been before, and he couldn't help the nagging feeling that Blaine had chosen Sebastian on purpose. Sebastian wasn't exactly in their lives anymore; Blaine had to have sought him out, and he could hardly be said to have gone to any trouble to keep it from Kurt. It was almost as if Blaine wanted to send Kurt a message.
See how much better off I am without you?
And then logging on to Facebook the next day to find himself no longer friends with Blaine seemed to be the final Bye, I've moved on.
Kurt had not actually intended on either of them finding someone else. Blaine was the guy he was supposed to marry. Kurt had never meant for it to come to this. It was all just supposed to be a way to make the year easier for them. At the time it had made sense to him, but now he didn't know anymore. And now Blaine was gone, and it was Kurt's own damned fault. He had made his own bed, when he had suggested the break, and now it seemed he would be forced to lie in it.
.
So to recap; Blaine needs to work on that confidence of his, and, in Sebastian's words, Kurt is being kind of blind and stupid, even if he isn't letting Blaine go willingly. Oh, boys learn to communicate, will you? (Except then I'd have no story.)
You'll get more on this from Kurt's perspective eventually, but for now it's back to teenage Kurt in 2012. Unfortunately I'm too busy to write much this week and I'm out of the country for all of next week, so I can't promise when I'll be able to update. Hopefully the week after the next.
As always thank you for reading! :)