You can't take back all those years

'We're not together. Me and him. In the future. Kurt- he's going to leave me.'

Kurt goes still at the words and he watches as, in front of him, Blaine – beautiful, perfect Blaine – falls apart into Rachel's arms. Kurt's entire being has gone numb, aware of only one thing.

I'm the one who does that to him.

And then Rachel spots him and Blaine turns around, his bloodshot eyes going wide with shock at the sight of Kurt. Blood is rushing in Kurt's ears and he stares at Blaine, barely hearing when he says Kurt's name.

'I- I don't understand.' Kurt's voice is hardly more than a whisper.

'I should- I'll just- go,' Rachel mumbles, her eyes shining with tears and for once words fail her. Kurt only vaguely registers when she leaves the room and he hears the slam of the front door as if from a mile away.

'I don't understand,' Kurt repeats, as Blaine stands to face Kurt properly.

'What is there to understand? You wanted to know why I've been different. Well, you got your answer: We're not together in the future, which makes it sort of hard for me to be here.' Kurt hears Blaine fighting to keep his voice indifferent, and Blaine shrugs as he finishes, 'Mystery solved.'

Kurt takes a few steps closer to Blaine. 'Hey, don't talk to me like it's nothing. I think we've gone a bit beyond that now, don't you?'

Blaine gives Kurt a tired 'whatever' look, before moving past him and leaving the room.

'Where are you going?' Kurt asks, following Blaine into the hall, where he is already ascending the stairs, two steps at a time. 'Blaine!'

They reach Blaine's bedroom, and Blaine fumbles with the light switch for a moment before the room is bathed in light.

'It has to be a mistake; a misunderstanding,' Kurt protests, watching Blaine, his back turned and looking around the room as though searching for something. 'I wouldn't- I could never leave you.'

'You don't know that,' Blaine retorts, and the harsh edge in his voice feels like a slap to Kurt's face. A second later Blaine spots what he is looking for; his laptop partly buried under a stack of books and papers. He locates the power cord and takes both things into his arms, before leaving the room as quickly as he came.

'Blaine!' Kurt rushes after him, pausing only to turn off the lights. 'Talk to me. You can't just dump something like that on me, and then expect me to-'

'You weren't meant to hear,' Blaine says offhandedly, like it's no big deal that Kurt did hear, as he places the laptop on the coffee table and looks around for a power plug.

'But I did hear,' Kurt counters, watching Blaine plug in the power for his laptop. 'You can't just-' Kurt grabs Blaine by the arm before he can sit down, imploring him, 'Blaine, talk to me.'

Blaine freezes and the hard look he sends Kurt only lasts a couple of seconds. Then he seems to give up as all the tension leaves him, and he deflates a little, appearing somehow even smaller than normal.

'I can't. Kurt, I can't,' he breathes, his voice shaky. 'Now more than ever, you have to understand why I can't.'

Kurt pulls him into a hug then, and Blaine lets him. This is the closest Blaine – this brokenhearted Blaine – has let him, and as Kurt closes his eyes for a moment, he almost loses himself in the warmth and the scent of the other man, different after all these years, but still unmistakably Blaine. Too soon, though, Blaine pulls away again, and Kurt watches sadly as Blaine sits carefully down on the couch, pulling the laptop onto his lap. Kurt sits next to Blaine, regarding him quietly.

'I just wanna go home, you know?'

'I know.' Kurt's heart aches with how difficult it must have been for Blaine these past few days – hell, the past few years, however long it has been since they split (Kurt's stomach lurches uncomfortably as he says the words in his mind). Kurt chances a soft touch to Blaine's upper arm, caressing with his thumb in what he hopes is a soothing manner. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' Blaine murmurs and Kurt blinks, because does he really mean that?

'If I...leave you,' Kurt almost chokes on the words. 'Doesn't that by definition make it my fault?'

'I can't blame you for how you feel.' Blaine doesn't look up from the computer screen where Kurt sees him type the words "time travel" into a search engine. 'It's not like you were really cruel about it.'

'Can I- What happened?' Kurt asks softly.

Blaine sighs before finally looking up and meeting Kurt's eyes.

'We just- You had just graduated from college and it was my final year. You had to move to another city and you didn't want to do the long-distance thing again, so you suggested that we take a break.' Blaine is speaking calmly, but Kurt can hear how difficult it is for him to talk about it. Something about his tone reminds Kurt of the would-be casual way Blaine first spoke of the assault he and his friend suffered at his old school's Sadie Hawkins dance. Even down to the way he speaks the final few words, so clearly trying to make them mean less than they do. 'And it just – never ended.'

'A break?' Kurt repeats disbelievingly. 'Isn't the point of those that you get back together?'

'I guess...' Blaine sighs, looking away again. 'That's what you said at first, but you...' Blaine trails off, seemingly unable to finish the sentence. He stares at his hands, resting idly on the keyboard, and Kurt watches him mutely, deciding not to press. 'You moved on.'

'I... move on?' Kurt is struggling to make sense of any of this in his head. Even the arrival of future Blaine three days ago hadn't caused him this much of a headache.

'It took months, but eventually, yes,' Blaine nods. 'And then finally, for the sake of my sanity, I did, too.'

It sounds so uncharacteristically peaceful to Kurt. When he sometimes has nightmares about Blaine and himself breaking up, it's always horribly dramatic, full of tears and betrayal. Kurt doesn't know what to make of any of what Blaine is telling him now.

None of this makes any damn sense. Kurt knows that technically – statistically – he shouldn't be surprised that he and Blaine don't work out. In this day and age it has to be pretty rare for a high school couple to stay together forever and ever. Perhaps it was naive of Kurt to imagine that he and Blaine would be one of the few who did, but he also feels sure – though he would never say it to their faces – that what he and Blaine share goes beyond what most of his classmates have experienced. Which is why it makes so little sense to him that simply taking a break for practical reasons would ever lead to either of them moving on.

'Did you- Did we even fight for it?' Kurt can't keep the disappointment out his voice. It's not disappointment in Blaine, or even himself. Kurt is disappointed in them.

'Well, after I found out that you'd been sleeping with someone else, there wasn't really a lot left to fight for,' Blaine spits out, his tone surprisingly harsh suddenly, and Kurt's eyes widen, a wave of nausea washing over him. Blaine looks up, regret in his eyes and biting his lip. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.'

True, Kurt could have done without that knowledge, but he pushes the nausea and his own feelings aside in favor of the man beside him.

'No, don't apologize. I want you to be angry. I'm the one who should be sorry.'

'For what? You have done anything yet. And, like I said, I don't blame you. You only came to the realization that I'm not what you need – that-that I'm not enough for you – and you acted accordingly. How can that be your fault?' Blaine gives a self-deprecating laugh. 'If anything it's mine...'

'What? No! Blaine, no. Just- d-don't even think that.'

Blaine just shrugs and Kurt's stomach clenches painfully. Kurt wishes he could find better words to express his discomfort, but before he can come up with a better argument than 'no', Blaine speaks again, his voice tired and small this time.

'Can we not talk about this anymore? Can we just concentrate on getting me home now?' Blaine nods at the screen.

'I- Okay.' Kurt doesn't know what else to say. He scoots a bit closer to Blaine to better be able to see the computer screen. Kurt doesn't miss the way Blaine tenses slightly as their legs touch, but neither does he know what to do about it, his head swirling with thoughts and emotions and it's all too much, so he doesn't comment. Instead he keeps his voice light as he asks, 'What are we looking for?'

'I don't know,' Blaine admits with a breathy chuckle. 'Time travel stuff. Ideas. Theories. Anything that's different from what we've been doing but that doesn't involve building a machine or a Time-Turner or something.'

'A Time-Turner?' Kurt raises an eyebrow in question.

'Harry Potter, Kurt,' Blaine says, voice exasperated. He laughs shortly. 'See, I knew you weren't paying attention when I made you watch the movies.'

Kurt doesn't laugh, but that's okay, Blaine isn't either, not really. As Blaine turns his attention back to the task at hand, skimming through the Wikipedia article on time travel, he feels Kurt lean in a bit closer in order to read along. Soon, though, Kurt leans back into his own space, and Blaine can tell that his eyes are on Blaine more than the screen. After a few minutes Kurt begins muttering something unintelligible over and over again, seemingly lost in his own head. Blaine lets him be, concentrating on his need to find a way home and soon. The longer he is here, the harder it will be when he no longer is. However, then Kurt seems to catch himself and he stops his muttering, before speaking in a louder, firmer voice, drawing Blaine from his research.

'I'll fix it.'

'What?' Blaine asks perplexed.

'I'll fix it,' Kurt declares again, meeting and keeping Blaine's gaze, letting him know he means it. 'You've told me now, that means I can change what happens.'

'You wanna- Kurt, no. You can't and you mustn't.' As Blaine scrolls idly down the page on his laptop, he senses Kurt watching him, mouth hanging open slightly and a frown on his face. Blaine sighs. 'I didn't tell you to make you change anything. What's done is done.'

'I'm not sure I get it, Blaine. I thought you'd want things to be different?' The hurt in Kurt's voice is palpable.

'I do,' Blaine states emphatically. 'But you can't mess with history like that. We have no idea what might happen. It's too dangerous.' And the thought occurs to Blaine, that if history did change, what would happen to him? Would he just cease to exist, or would he keep going in an alternate universe where nothing changed? Blaine isn't sure he likes either of those possibilities.

'But what if things really could change?' Kurt presses. 'What if,' Blaine sees a metaphorical light bulb go off above Kurt's head. 'That's the entire reason you're here. To tell me what happens, so I can change it.'

'I thought you didn't believe in a higher power,' Blaine states evenly.

'I also thought there was no such thing as time travel and yet...' Kurt gestures with his hand in Blaine's general direction. 'Here you are.'

'Point taken,' Blaine chuckles briefly. 'Seriously though, Kurt. You can't. If there's one thing I've learned from sci-fi, it's that you don't mess with history.'

'Well, it's not history to me!' Kurt is on his feet suddenly. He stands for a moment facing the window and the quiet night outside, before he turns to look at Blaine who hasn't moved from his position on the couch. 'What do you expect me to do?' Kurt's voice cracks and his eyes are shining with the tears he's trying to hold back. 'Just let everything happen like you say it does? When there's a chance I can fix it?'

'You're assuming you're going to want to,' Blaine points out wearily, ready to end the conversation. 'This isn't like fixing an accident or changing an arbitrary right to a left. It's a breakup.'

'But if future me could see you right now...' Kurt objects desperately. 'He would want you back, I know it.'

'You think that's what I want?' Blaine snaps, jaw tightening in annoyance. 'You to take me back out of pity? Like I'm someone you should feel sorry for? I don't need your charity, and I sure as hell don't want it.'

'It's not charity, think this is just about pity or guilt? You think I'm not devastated to hear about this? You think I'm lying when I say I love you?'

'Maybe not. But four years is a long time, and people change, Kurt. Even you.'

Blaine looks away when his voice breaks on the last two words, and he hates himself a little for letting it happen. It's been more than ten years; he shouldn't still feel like this. Well, he hadn't felt like this, not for a long time. It's not like Blaine has spent every moment pining after Kurt. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Blaine does have a life. But being here with a Kurt that still looks at Blaine like he's the best thing in Kurt's life – a Kurt that still thinks that Blaine is the one for him, who doesn't yet know – well, it has opened up wounds that Blaine thought were healed.

He is beginning to realize that they will probably never heal fully, and the best thing he can do is to stop picking at them.

'Oh, Blaine.'

Blaine looks up to find Kurt watching him with a tender expression on his face, and Blaine wants to look away from those beautiful eyes, terrifying in their warmth and softness. But he can't, because as much as he doesn't want to think about what they tell him, it's also all he has ever wanted.

Without breaking eye contact, Kurt steps forward and kneels at the couch in front of Blaine. He closes the lid of Blaine's laptop and gently tugs it away from Blaine, placing it on the coffee table behind him. All without taking his eyes off Blaine.

'What're you-' Blaine begins.

'Shh,' Kurt shushes him, not not in a reprimanding way but soothingly, placing two fingers lightly over Blaine's mouth and Blaine shivers at the touch. He swallows and gives a small nod. Kurt places two hands on Blaine's lower thighs, just above the knees. 'I love you.'

Blaine's response is automatic. 'I know. I love you, too.'

'No, you don't know.' Kurt shakes his head sadly. 'I. Love. You.'

Blaine looks away then, rejecting Kurt's words.

'Listen to me,' Kurt implores, squeezing a little around Blaine's thighs. 'I love you. You. Unconditionally. Not "maybe", or "kind of", or because I don't know any better.'

'Don't,' Blaine begs brokenly, still not looking at Kurt.

'Don't love you?'

'Don't make me believe you,' Blaine whispers, chancing a glance at Kurt but looking away almost immediately when earnest glasz eyes meet his.

'Why?'

'Because if I-' Blaine throat constricts and he has to swallow hard to continue. 'If I never really had your love, then I never lost it. And that's- that's better.'

'Bullshit,' Kurt exclaims with such ferocity that Blaine forgets to not look at him. Kurt's tone is not angry, but firm and demanding. 'You need to stop it, Blaine.'

'What?'

Kurt doesn't answer him, but scrambles gracefully to his feet, before he sits on the couch with his back against the armrest and his legs stretched in front of him. He opens his arms, motioning to Blaine. 'C'mere.'

Blaine eyes him skeptically and opens his mouth to protest, but Kurt cuts him off, giving Blaine a look that is somehow both steely and warm. 'No. No arguing.'

With a small sigh Blaine acquiesces and curls up next to Kurt. He rests his head on Kurt's chest, letting the younger man wrap his warm arms around him, but he doesn't allow himself to relax.

'Whatever happened with me and you,' Kurt tells Blaine in a soft voice, as one hand strokes Blaine's arm gently. 'You need to know that none of it was your fault.'

Blaine lets out a huff of breath that could almost be a scoff and he tenses a little under Kurt's touch, but he doesn't offer a verbal response.

'You say you don't blame me. Well, then don't blame yourself either.'

Blaine doesn't move in Kurt's arms, but, heartened by his lack of protests, Kurt keeps talking, desperate to make Blaine see.

'Maybe I can't control or change what happens in the future.' I'll fix it. I swear, I'll fix it. 'Maybe future me won't be there for you the way you deserve.' Please god, there has to be a way to fix this. 'But at least let me be there for you now, because right now you – any and all incarnations of you – are so so loved. I love you, Blaine. God, I love you so much, you have no idea. And if I ever forget that, I am so incredibly sorry, and it's on me. Not you.'

'Kurt,' Blaine sobs, his eyes shining and his eyelashes wet with tears, though his face is dry.

'It's okay. You can let go. I love you,' he repeats, holding on tighter even as Blaine begins to squirm against him, his breathing ragged. And Kurt will keep repeating those three words over and over until Blaine believes him, because if 2016 really is the end of them (please no, it can't be) it's important that Blaine know beyond a doubt that it was real between them.

'Why? I'm pathetic.'

'Hey, watch it. That's my boyfriend you're talking about.' Kurt tries a smile, but he doesn't think Blaine sees. To compensate Kurt runs his fingers through Blaine's hair, the way he so rarely gets to do as the hair is almost never without gel. Then, on a whim, Kurt starts singing softly.

You're so mean when you talk

About yourself, you are wrong

Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead

Blaine's breathing slows down some, and Kurt thinks he sees the corners of Blaine's mouth twitch slightly. So he keeps singing, jumping straight to the chorus and the point he wants to make.

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than fucking perfect

They usually leave out the expletive when singing the song together, but tonight Kurt keeps it for emphasis. Blaine snorts and he sounds amused more than derisive, which Kurt takes as a good sign.

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel

Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

After the last note Kurt tilts Blaine's face up to look at him properly, waiting until Blaine meets his gaze to ask, 'Okay?'

A second or two passes and then a smile spreads on Blaine's face – tentative, but a genuine smile nonetheless – and he gives a small nod. 'Okay.'

The change in Blaine is immediate as he finally lets go. Kurt feels Blaine's entire body relaxing against him, and the older man gives a small sigh as all the tension leaves him and he allows himself to just be. Blaine snuggles closer, bringing a hand to rest on Kurt's chest.

'I will never stop loving you.' Blaine speaks calmly, but the sheer passion in his eyes causes heat to rise in Kurt's cheeks. 'I can't stop loving you.'

'Tell me about it,' Kurt chuckles as Blaine smiles knowingly at him. An unspoken understanding falls between them, and Kurt realizes he doesn't have to say those words again. Blaine knows. They are both aware that Kurt can't make any promises, but neither of them are thinking about the future – right now is what's important. It doesn't matter that it won't last, or that Blaine is thirty-two and still lost out of his time, because at this moment they are perfect.

They lean in at the same time as though this was the plan all along. Their lips meet in a tender kiss, and Kurt closes his eyes, focusing on the feel of Blaine's lips, soft and sure against his own. Just as the kiss deepens, there is an odd swooshing sound and at once Kurt knows exactly what is happening. He keeps his eyes closed and his lips locked with Blaine's even as he feels the change happening; the slightly different musculature, the hair tangled between Kurt's fingers a little shorter.

Kurt breaks the kiss finally, opening his eyes to find Blaine – young, seventeen-year-old Blaine – looking back at him with confusion etched on his face. Kurt gives a small cry, before he pulls Blaine into a hug, clinging to him as tight as he can. I am never saying goodbye to you.

'Kurt...You're...' Blaine sounds uncertain, as though he doesn't really understand anything, but he clings to Kurt almost as tightly.

Finally Kurt pulls them both into a seated position and he pulls away from Blaine a little, letting them both breathe. He cups the side of his boyfriend's face gently.

'I missed you so much.'

Blaine smiles at Kurt's words, though he still looks a bit dazed. 'I … missed you, too? Where'd I go?'

'You were...' Kurt starts but trails off. Wait, where did Blaine go exactly? Kurt could have sworn he knew the answer to that a moment ago. 'You were away. Far away. No, wait you were here. We watched West Side Story...' Kurt shakes his head and he closes his eyes, trying to remember. It feels important to him that he not forget the last few days, and he fights to keep the memories.

Blaine was here and he was older... Finn and Rachel saw him, too... He told me something important... something terrible... something I have to change... Blaine and I...

But it's like trying to hold on to the details of a dream. Second by second the memories slip away, like water between his fingers, and Kurt groans in frustration, burying his face in his hands.

'Kurt?' Blaine asks nervously. 'What's wrong?'

Kurt looks up and Blaine is watching him apprehensively. There are a handful of small cuts across Blaine's left cheek. They are healing and barely noticeable, but they are there. Kurt frowns. It seems odd that he wouldn't know how Blaine got them.

'Where did you get those?' he asks, running a finger lightly across his own left cheek, so Blaine knows what he means.

'I- I'm not sure.' Blaine's brow furrows as he touches the cuts. His face scrunches up in concentration for a minute. 'I think... car crash?'

Car crash. That's it, isn't it? That's what Kurt has been trying to remember. Blaine was in a car crash. No wonder he wanted to forget that.

'Yeah, that's right. I was so worried about you. But you're alright.' Kurt smiles and gives Blaine a short kiss, before pulling him into another hug. He breathes in the scent of his boyfriend and for a moment he thinks it's different than the last time they hugged, but then he shakes his head at himself. This is Blaine. This has always been Blaine.

A short while later they move upstairs and slip into Blaine's bed together, thankful for his parents' absence tonight. As Kurt spoons around Blaine, ready to drift off to sleep, he feels happy and tired in that really comfortable way. Still, he can't help the vague feeling that something is off, like there is something he is supposed to be doing or saying, but then Blaine stirs a little and Kurt smiles, because Blaine is here with him and that's all he needs to know really.

Everything is fine.

Uh oh. Guess changing the future won't be that easy. :p

As always thank you all for reading, and a double thank you to those who comment and/or subscribe. It means to world to me! Just one more part to go now. :) I've a busy month ahead of me, so I can't make any exact promises about when it will be up, but at least sometime during May. Also, thought I'd mention, if you're a LJ user, the fic will also be posted over there, and I post some fanvids once in a while as well. Username's the same as here. That's all. Happy Sunday!