helloo lovely readers,,

Sorry for the wait but I had a small surgery to have my wisdom tooth pulled out and it was PAINFUL!

anyhow here is chapter nine :D

disclaimer : borrowed characters , original plot..

chapter 9

"Doggy, come here honey, mommy wants to go home." I shouted from across the field.

It's been six weeks since that night , and two weeks since I hit rock bottom , I just needed to leave , needed to get away ,I couldn't work ,I couldn't eat , I couldn't function , and I thought about that night non-stop, that night I became someone I didn't like , I hurt someone , I willingly broke someone's heart , and I just couldn't deal with what I've become , I didn't like this me , so I needed distance , I needed to get away from everything and everyone , I needed to be free and I needed to make peace with myself.

And so two weeks ago I decided to go to my uncle's cabin in long island, so I just packed, sent texts to everyone with my plans, took Doggy and drove away without looking back, I just drove non-stop, and with every mile I went, my heart felt a little lighter, when I reached the cabin I was laughing freely, this was the change I needed for so long.

Since that night I couldn't look at the building across the street , I never looked up even when I just needed a little peak ,I couldn't handle what I would see , though at nights , when I'm alone and the lights are all off in my bedroom I would still stare for hours at the building hoping to get a glimpse of Edward when he couldn't see me, I was an addict , I got used to him popping up everywhere , and suddenly I was cut off, and that was another reason I had to leave , I had to stop looking , because since that night every time I saw Edward , it was late and he was drunk out of his mind , but there were no girls , so that was a plus , I guess I drove him from one addiction to another , and now if he died from liver failure or something, I can be happy that it was my fault , yeah , so you see I couldn't take it anymore , I had to leave .

The cabin made me miss the library, it was very similar to it but without so many books, and I missed my books, they have been my confidant for years , but I loved it here ,it was a two bedroom cabin on the second floor with a bathroom ,then downstairs where the living room , the huge kitchen , which was a plus, and another bathroom , I just couldn't make myself leave , I felt liberated here , carefree and happy , Doggy loved it here as well ,and he's become my dependant ,I loved to spend the day with him , we would swim in the lake , walk up the mountain and just enjoy the view , he would try to catch birds every day , and always come back empty handed , but he was happy , just like me .

We got home , and I went to the bathroom to get a shower , I'd spent the whole day playing with Doggy in the field and I was all muddy and dirty, when I was almost done and rinsing my body I heard a knock on the door , that was weird since in the two weeks that I've been here no one came to visit me ,if I needed anything I would drive into town and go to the store , so I just put the small towel around me and ran to the door while trying to hold on to it , when I opened the door , I was shocked , standing in front of me looking determined and disheveled was none other than Edward Cullen , and I couldn't utter a single word , so I just stared warily at the beautiful devil and waited for him to talk while tightening my grip on the towel , I saw his eyes follow the movement but kept quiet. After a minute or two of us staring at each other, he cleared his throat.

"I took your address from Alice, she doesn't know I know where you are, she doesn't know I'm here, i-ii just had to see you ."He said then resumed his staring, his eyes got darker, his breathing got heavier, and he was looking at me like a hungry lion and I was his long lost prey.

"What do you want Ed-dward " I asked my voice cracking at the end.

" you " he said then he pounced ,he had me pinned against the closed door , he looked deep into my eyes for a couple of seconds then our mouths were dancing together , our lips were like magnets stuck together , our tongues where fighting for dominance , our bodies were like one ,when we came up for air , his lips never left my body , they traveled down my neck , behind my ear, across my jaw, where he sucked and licked like a thirsty man , and I just let the feeling envelope me , till I was completely under his spell , he nibbled on my ear and his hand clutched the opening of my towel ,

" I know " lick " we have " suck "a lot to " kiss " talk about " lick " but fuck I need you " kiss" please " lick " please " nibble.

And my answer was to pull his mouth back to mine and kiss him with all the pent up feelings I've been having for three years , he was kissing down my collarbone ,then he ripped the towel from around me and stared at my body , " fuck this is a dream come true , your fucking perfect " he said forcefully without taking his eyes of my body , then he lifted me and held up my body with his and went back to kissing every inch of me , while he worshiped my body , I started taking his clothes off , we where both moaning and groaning , I knew we wouldn't make it upstairs so I just let him take me there , against the front door of the cabin , where our sweaty needy bodies united for the first time .

The next morning I woke up to someone licking down my body , I smiled but kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep, but I couldn't pretend for long, his tongue can do amazing things and I couldn't hold back a moan.

"Hmmm, how long are you going to keep pretending to be sleeping? I wanna see those gorgeous eyes sweetheart, "he whispered softly while kissing along my jaw.

I opened my eyes to the most beautiful sight ever, Edward's smiling face , it was strange how all my inhibitions were down while I had him here with me, I was just enjoying his presence , he made me feel something , something I'd rather not think about right now , so I just smiled at him and let those thoughts go for a later time .

" there she is , good morning angel " he said while settling himself between my legs , and when I blushed instead of replying he took it as his queue and entered me , and this is how we spent the morning , with him worshiping my body , and me doing the same , it was natural , it was risky , but it was what I needed .

At noon after taking separate showers o started making us something to eat, I was fully dressed and ready for the confrontation, Edward came in fifteen minutes later, fresh from the shower, gave me a kiss on the cheek and sat next to me at the table, we ate in awkward silence, I was dreading this talk but it was inevitable so I just nibbled on my sandwich and waited for him to speak, and ten minutes later he did.

" I'm sorry , I don't know how to start but I have to tell you I'm sorry , its two years behind but I'm so sorry , you cant imagine how guilty I feel , I know I was a fucking jerk , I know I hurt you , and for that I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness, I didn't mean to hurt you I fucking swear , that night I was drunk out of my mind , I know that's not a fucking excuse but I just want you to know that I was so nervous that I went for a drink , I guess I didn't keep track of how much I had , because the next thing I knew its morning and I was lying on the floor with a fucking excruciating headache , and then everything from the night before came flooding back to me, I'm so fucking sorry, I fucked up big time , but I couldn't face you after that night, I felt so ashamed that I wished the grounds would open up and swallow me for what I did to you, you deserve to be treated with love and care and respect , you deserve to be cherished and taken care of, and I'm so sorry that I broke your heart , I fucking swear I'll do anything you want to earn your forgiveness, just please forgive me, I need you , I can't live without you in my life, these two weeks have been hell, its like I have to see you every day, and I know you don't trust me but I swear to you that if u give me a second chance I'll never break your trust again , just please forgive me ."

And that is where the cards all lay , could I forgive him , should I forgive him , can I ever trust him again , can I open my heart again for him , is he worth it ,do I want to , is he really changed , and the questions just kept coming .

" I tried to leave you alone , I tried to move on , with all those girls , but they weren't you ,I tried to let you live your life without me, to let you find someone nice and caring like you deserve, but I couldn't, I want you , and only you , in whatever way you'll have me , just please say you'll forgive me , so I can live with myself, give me one more chance , I know that's a huge thing to ask but if you find it in your heart to let go of the past ,please tell me now "

"I don't know, i-ii can't give you…, I need time to think, and I-ii need to go to the grocery store so, I'll just be gone for a while but I'll be back and maybe then I'll give you my answer, I-ii have to go now, I need some time to think " and I took my jacket and car keys and drove away to my field, where I can think without him hovering around confusing me and just being there.

After a long agonizing hour of thinking I had made my decision, I'm going to try, I'm going to give Edward a second chance, even if he didn't deserve it ,but I'm going to let him work for it , it won't be easy , but I deserve to be happy ,and I know I've been in love with him forever , I might as well have a try at my happy ending , it might be hard , but I am willing to do it if he really meant what he said , and so I drove home determined and on a mission.

When I reached home, I opened the door quietly and went to search for Edward, but I couldn't find him downstairs so I just went upstairs to my room, and found him sitting on my bed, holding something in his hand and looking at the floor, when he heard me come in his head shot up and he looked furious, which made the smile vanish from my face.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously.

He gave me my phone which was the thing clutched tightly in his hand, I had a text from Jake " hey babe, I can't wait anymore, I'm coming to see you, and I have a surprise, you're gonna love it " oh this wasn't good, Jake would kick Edwards ass if he saw him.

"You have to leave, right now, you have to go, we'll talk later , just go " I said in a hurry .

"You want me to leave so you can fuck him too? You fucking whore, what I wasn't enough for you, you're cheating on both of us? I thought you were better than this but your just a filthy whore, I can't even look at you right now, and don't gave me that fucking innocent wounded look, it won't work this time" he snapped harshly

And just like that , my resolve went shattering away , my walls came up ,and hatred I don't know from where possessed me , this was the last time that Edward Cullen gets to talk to me like that , i looked at the text again trying to understand what he was talking about, from that text he thought that I was fucking around on him, he just came her and he's already staking claim? thank god this is happening before I told him my decision , and with just that I decided to go the other way.

"Get up" I said in a cold voice, and saw him flinch but stand up.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT" I screamed, and he looked up at my sudden outburst startled, then I slapped him with all my might.

"When I'm done talking you will get the hell out of my house , you will never talk to me again , you will never look at me again and you will know that you only have yourself to blame, I have never in my entire life hated someone as much as I do you at this moment ," he flinched again " you come in here , begging for forgiveness, begging for a second chance , and yet you invaded my privacy and make assumptions on your own without even asking , every time you come near me u break me , and I've reached my threshold of pain , what you just did proved that you don't deserve a second chance , and proved that you are still the fucking asshole you where two years ago, I'm actually glad I broke you heart on that night, I don't even feel guilty, I had an amazing fuck , just like you said that night remember?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're just mad I caught you , at least I'm not fucking around with two guys at once , and don't fucking say you didn't feel guilty , because I saw the notes u sent me and they were all smudged from your tears , so stop fucking lying and tell the truth, "

"You want the truth ? okay here it comes , two years ago when u started talking to me I was ecstatic , I just couldn't believe that the Edward Cullen wanted to go out with me, I kept saying no because I knew that it couldn't be true , you weren't that type of guy , and I wasn't a very sociable girl , I was so scared to go out with you that I had to take a pill , but I still sucked it up and get dressed in a beautiful dress and Alice helped me with my makeup , I looked so pretty that I though this way you might not regret your decision to go out with me , but after an hour of waiting for you to show up , I still thought that something might be wrong , I thought that maybe you hurt yourself, that you fell or something, so I came by your place to check on you , and when I heard the noises I thought someone was at the apartment and was hurting you , I was so naive , but when I opened that door and saw u with your pants undone , and thrusting into that woman , all my fears and securities came crashing in, I kept thinking why would you want to go out with me but to humiliate me the way you're doing, and the worst part was u actually invited me to join, that night after I ran home , all your family came by and tried to calm me down , and from that night on I was broken , and nothing or no one could fix me , but I still went on with my life , and then when I saw how torn Alice and Emmet where I told them to go talk to you , I told them that u need your family , o made them come see you , because after all you did to me I still felt bad for you , and then I started growing up , depending on my own , but having someone to take care of me or have my back helped me so much , I stopped being a love struck teenager but I still couldn't let you go , no matter what I did I still loved you , and then u started actually talking to me , though you were drunk , still I felt my heart jump every time I saw you , and so I decided that the only way I could get over you and get you out of my life was by payback , you needed to feel what I felt , and it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do , but I did it because I needed you to leave me alone, I needed someone to love me , and I needed to let you go ,I knew you would never love someone like me , no matter how I looked , so I had my plan , and you fell right into the trap , that night on our so called date , I was in so much pain that I kept on crying non-stop , even when I tried to hurt you I hurt me, but I still went with it , and when I saw you face I started sobbing so hard that Jake had to stay with me, he was so scared I was going to break down that he stayed and took care of me, but I had one more step to finish , those stupid letters u kept sending me because you didn't have the guts to tell me face to face you're sorry , and even those where so hard on me that at the end I couldn't stop sobbing , so you see , all this years , all that you did to me , and i still loved you so fucking much that I couldn't even pay you back just a little , I still cared if even a small thing hurt you , but you don't , and today is the day I shed my last tears for you , GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FUCKED UP DISCUSTING PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING , and believe me after this night , I only carry hate for you , hate that I never thought I could feel , but congratulations this is just another new feeling that you've introduced me to , and disrespect me one more time and I will physically hurt you so bad that the scar I leave will make you remeber this night as long as you're alive, and I know it's silly of me , but I was coming back here to give you another chance , I wanted to try having a relationship with you, stupid me once again, and I wanted you to leave before Jake came because he will fucking kick you sorry ass , I can't believe I was actually worried about you , but it's ok , that won't happen ever again , NOW GET THE FUCK OUUTT" I screamed through my stupid tears .

I ran downstairs , opened the front door for him , and waited for him to get out ,I didn't want to look at him , so I just stared ahead , when he reached me I looked him straight in the eye with all the pent up hate that was inside of me , he looked broken , tortured , and sad , but at that moment I didn't give a fuck , he tried to reach out for me , but a snatched my hand away before he could and waited for him to leave , I didn't see Jake had already arrived with someone , but there he was on the front yard making out with him , when Edward took a couple of steps outside the cabin and actually saw what was happening , he looked back at me with horror, he just pieced out the pieces together and he just realized exactly what he did , and what I meant in the beginning of my speech upstairs , he screamed a single 'fuck ' , looked back at me with his eyes glistening with tears , and at that moment they made me rejoice inside , but I still stared at him ,.

"You fucking made your bed" I said venomously and slapped the door in his face , hopefully for the last time .

A/N:

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Update soon,,

FFN

xx