AUTHOR'S NOTE: All right, here it is! The very last chapter of this very long story! Hope you guys enjoy!
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: THE FINALE
As Logan and Kendall drove down the familiar streets of their Minnesota hometown, they couldn't help but notice that things had changed. Some of the changes were major, and some were minor, but as much as Minnesota still felt like "home" to them, they couldn't help but feel like outsiders who didn't belong anymore.
"Whoa," they both let out in muted shock as they passed by their old high school. A new freshman wing now stuck out of it like a sore thumb, completely throwing off the building's architectural style and making it look like an entirely different school.
"Wow, they tore down that whole forest," Kendall casually noticed as they passed a shiny new shopping mall. Where trees used to grow tall enough to mingle with the clouds, hundreds of soccer moms and teenagers were swiping their cards in exchange for overpriced clothing and accessories.
They were traveling out of town, but even as they got to more rural areas, the changes kept on coming.
"Oh my God," Logan gasped as they passed a large parking lot. "Remember those neat old houses that used to be there? Those houses were there since before the Great Depression! They were a part of history!"
"And now they're just history."
The large parking lot was for a new country club/resort. Just ten years earlier, Logan and Kendall would run and play in that big, empty field, and families would have picnics. Kids could still run and play in the field, and families could still have their picnics...but now, it'd cost them several hundred dollars a month to do so.
"We're definitely not in Kansas anymore," Kendall sighed as they got until a highway.
Logan looked at him oddly. "Kansas?"
Kendall nodded. "You have a problem with Kansas?"
"No, Kendall." Logan shook his head, and Kendall smirked.
It was the day after the funeral, and things had gotten better. Logan had honored his mother's wish to bring Kendall and Mrs. Knight over, and even though Logan had been a nervous wreck about the whole thing, it had turned out much better than he'd thought it would. There were a lot of awkward jokes and pauses and stares, but the boys felt that they had the support of their parents. The parents who were still living, at least.
They'd been avoiding conversation about Mr. Knight ever since the funeral, and it seemed like a good idea. Kendall was in better spirits, and Logan felt as if things would soon go back to normal. He figured Kendall had come to terms with everything in his head and was ready to move forward.
Of course, knowing where they were headed, he couldn't help but think that maybe they weren't out of the woods just yet.
After exiting the highway and traveling on a long dirt road, Kendall announced, "Here we are." He brought the car he'd borrowed from a cousin to a stop in front of one of the few places that hadn't changed a single bit through the years: his grandparents' cabin.
"Looks the same as we left it!" Logan marveled as they got out of the car. On their previous trips back home, they'd never gotten a chance to visit the cabin. This was their first time back since they'd moved to California.
They both stalked around the house, pointing out all of the little things they remembered from their childhood days. A dangerous hole on the floor of the front porch, a large tree with a big knot in its bark, an old car tire that seemed to be glued to the ground. And when they went inside, there were more flashes of their past. The furniture, the paint on the walls, the refrigerator magnets...everything was the way it had been years earlier.
"Nothing's changed," Kendall said under his breath. He rubbed his hand over the kitchen counter top, feeling a slight chill as he imagined his grandmother standing there, chopping up ingredients for a meal.
"I can't believe Grandpa left all of this to move to Arizona," Kendall said as he and Logan sat on the living room sofa. An overwhelming silence followed, and it evoked a feeling of surreality. As quick as their lives had been since moving to California, all of that was erased once they were in this house. With the sounds of birds singing coming through the window and the stillness of all the old furniture around them, it was like they were no longer a part of Earth but like objects in a painting.
"We left it to move to California," Logan replied, though he understood the point Kendall was trying to make. "I guess everyone leaves home at some point."
"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "But they say home isn't really a house. It's the people in it."
"That's true."
Kendall put his arm around Logan as they breathed in the piney smells of nature. Logan was his home...and as long as he had the dark-haired boy with him, he'd be safe and warm.
"This is the place," he whispered. "This is where we started."
"Technically, we started in Mrs. Rebecca Martin's fourth grade classroom," Logan corrected, intentionally sounding like a pain in the ass. "That's actually where it all started, if I recall correctly."
"Oh, quit being a smartass," Kendall rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I know," Logan conceded, letting Kendall pull him in closer. "This is one of the many places," he said, his voice getting low, "where...well, it's where things started to get complicated."
"It was never complicated for me," Kendall expressed. "I knew what was going on the whole time. I knew what I wanted. I just couldn't deal with it. But I can now."
They kissed on the sofa, and another chill went down Kendall's back. His grandma's ghost wasn't the only one roaming these halls now. He knew his dad was here, too, and he wondered how the spirit of Sean Knight was reacting to the sight of his son sitting on this sofa, arm around Logan Mitchell, kissing him and loving him. An ill wind didn't blow through the window, and the lights didn't flicker on and off, so maybe that was a good sign. Maybe Kendall's grandmother was still defending him in the afterlife.
He shook his head with a smile. "I can just hear them now," he said.
"Hear who?" Logan asked, the hairs on his neck standing up. Was there someone else here?
"Little Kendall Jr. and Logan-Anne," Kendall replied, still smiling. "Running around here and getting into all kinds of trouble."
"Kendall Jr. and Logan-Anne?" Logan asked incredulously. "Logan-Anne?"
"Well, what would you name the little brats?" Kendall asked.
"I don't know! Not Kendall Jr. and Logan-Anne, though!"
"Those are perfectly fine names! I doubt you could come up with anything better."
Logan looked down his nose at Kendall. "All right. Jonas Salk Knight and Marie Curie Mitchell."
"Oh, please!" Kendall dismissed him. "We're not naming our kids after dorks, Hortense!"
"Well, we're certainly not gonna give them names that will make them sound like guests on Jerry Springer."
"Ugh," Kendall shook his head, but then Logan started laughing. "What's so funny?"
"You are! And me. The last time we were in this house, who would have ever thought that the next time we'd be here, we'd be arguing about what we would name our kids?"
Kendall laughed, too. "We're a weird pair, aren't we?"
"Yep," Logan agreed. "And I like my weird boyfriend." He turned to Kendall and gave him those eyes, the look that he'd never given intentionally but always drove Kendall wild.
"Well, I think I love my weird boyfriend," Kendall replied, and they kissed again.
They sat in the calm, beautiful silence for a spell, enough for them to start seeing the sun come down through the picture window. The afternoon was slowly fading into evening, and in the morning, they'd be back on a plane to California. Sure, they'd be back in this house one day, but still, this felt like a special occasion, one that they'd never have again.
As they sat, Kendall couldn't help but find his thoughts turning to his father. In the days since Mrs. Knight had made the shocking announcement in the hallway of their apartment back in LA, Kendall's mind raced. Any time he'd lie down to "think," he'd get so bogged down by his thoughts that he'd quickly fall asleep. All throughout the funeral, he'd been so sidetracked by the good memories and cute stories that he hadn't really given himself time to think about his own feelings. But now that they were in this house, he couldn't find an excuse in the world to keep him from thinking about his dad.
He's gone now, he thought to himself as he could feel Logan falling asleep under his arm. He's gone for good, and I'll never have to see him ever again. Ever. But why do I still feel like I'm letting him down?
Would he be able to move on with his life now that any type of closure he'd hoped to have with his father was now out the window? Or would he be stuck on still trying to please the man who'd warned him years ago about what it meant to be "normal?"
He didn't know. He didn't want to think about it. Logan was asleep next to him, and he wanted to sleep as well. They'd take a nap together, and they'd get back on the road for the twenty-minute drive back to town. In the morning, they'd get back to California, and then he just knew that he'd finally be able to stash any of his daddy issues in the back of his mind forever.
Kendall carefully slipped his hand from around Logan and stood, but a drowsy Logan stood behind him. "I'm gonna go take a nap," Kendall told him, knowing and expecting and hoping Logan would follow him.
Logan yawned and nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."
After securing the front door, the boys slowly walked through the quiet, creaky hallway to one of the bedrooms. Logan went to go pee while Kendall made the room comfortable for their nap. He opened the window and felt the breeze blow in through the curtains. The setting sun was in view, as well, and an old-fashioned feeling of simplicity took over the room. After years of being on-the-go in California, it was the greatest thing in the world to be able to slow down and enjoy every minute of life.
Logan washed his hands and looked at himself in the mirror. After all this time...all these years...they were back in this house, and they were together. They didn't have to hide their feelings or pretend they didn't exist. Everything worked out for them...everything. It almost brought a tear to his eye, but he gathered up his strength. He didn't want to be a teary-eyed, weepy mess all the time, even if the sheer joy that he felt because he was now with the one he loved got to be too much for him to handle.
He turned off the bathroom light, and as he went back to join Kendall, his eye was caught by a piece of paper on the floor. At first, he thought nothing of it. Probably an old phone number or receipt or coupon. But he picked it up anyway, and he was surprised to see that it was an envelope. Not just any envelope, though.
"Kendall" was written on it.
He focused on it, and he knew what he had to do.
"Kendall," he said when he slipped into the bedroom. "I think this is for you."
Kendall was already lying on the bed, but he set up when Logan held the envelope up in front of him. He immediately recognized the handwriting, and he took it.
"Where did you find this?" He asked, moving over for Logan to get next to him.
"It was on the floor in the hall, right outside the other room."
Kendall held the envelope in his hand, but he didn't open it. He looked up to Logan with serious eyes. "My dad wrote this."
Logan's eyes widened, and he waited a while to let Kendall take it in. "Are you going to open it?"
"Do you think I should?" Kendall asked.
"Yes!"
The urgency in Logan's eyes gave Kendall the push to tear open the envelope and extract the letter inside. It was a full page, back and front, of Sean Knight's handwriting.
"Kendall, look at the date!" Logan pointed out. The letter was written just a week earlier.
"Holy shit," Kendall gasped, and he dropped the letter on the bed like it was poison.
"Kendall, you have to read it."
They looked at each other again, and the urgency was still in Logan's eyes. Kendall nodded and braced himself, picking the letter up again and beginning to read it silently to himself, with Logan following along.
"Dear Kendall...
I don't know why I'm writing this to you, son. It's 3:00am, and I should be sleeping - my doctor won't be too thrilled about this, I'm sure - but I've been having a lot on my chest lately, and I guess the only way to get a bit of relief is to write this. I could always call you, I guess, but I'm sure you're too busy with your life to want to talk to me. Besides, why would you want to talk to me, anyway? I haven't been a part of your life for years now. No matter what, though, you've always been a part of mine, and you always will be. I don't care if we go twenty years before we even speak to each other again. You'll always be a part of me.
What's been bothering me lately...eh, I don't even know. I've been thinking a lot about my life. The mistakes I've made...the things I thought I did right...the things I thought I did right but turned out being big mistakes anyway. It seems like I got a lot of things wrong over the years and very few things right, but no one's perfect. When I think about the mistakes I've made, for some reason, my mind keeps turning to you. Kendall, I'm sorry. For everything. I was never the perfect father. Rarely was I there for you to support you in the things you wanted to do. I pressured you too much, but you must know that it was because I wanted the best for you. I wanted you to be successful and happy. I guess another big part of it would be that I was jealous of you. You always had the confidence and the drive to be who you wanted to be, and I envied you so much because of that. Any chance I got to put you in your place, to extinguish as much of your happiness as I could, I took. That makes me a horrible person, and I know I will never ever deserve your forgiveness for that.
I've had a lot of time to think. I've been alone for so long now... Yes, I've had girlfriends every now and then. Yes, I keep myself busy with work. But none of the is able to fill the void that's in my heart ever since I left you, your sister, and your mother. If I could go back and change every single thing, I would in a heartbeat. But that's not possible. All we have is the future, and I hope that I can have one with my family again.
Kendall, I just want you to be happy. Please be happy, son. I used to think that you could only be happy in an office, surrounded by money and material things. But I was so, so wrong. I see you on television every now and then, and I know you've found something that makes you happy, and I'm extremely proud. I also see the friendship that you have with Logan, and I can see that things between the two of you have matured and gotten stronger. Kendall, I can't say it enough. I want you to be happy. I don't care who it's with. Wanting to be with someone you love and who loves you...it's normal. It's human nature. I hope you've found that.
This letter is a rambling mess, I know, but I'm so full of thoughts right now that I just had to get it down on paper. I probably won't even mail this or have it sent to you anyway. You're grown up now, and what I think probably doesn't even matter to you anymore. I can't fault you for that, and if you have indeed gotten to that point, it makes me even more proud of the independent man you have become. Live your life, Kendall. No one else can live it for you.
I love you, and I'm always thinking of you.
Dad
No one spoke. The wind howled very, very softly as it entered and exited the room, and the sound of leaves rubbing together outside wafted in as well. But Kendall and Logan remained silent. Still. Lifeless.
Logan's eyes were trained on the letter. He was too unsure to look at Kendall. He didn't know how Kendall would react. What effect would this seemingly insignificant piece of paper have on him?
Suddenly, a circular portion of the page became wet. And then another. Tears were falling from Kendall's face onto the letter. He was crying.
"Baby," Logan said, taking Kendall into a hug as they dropped the letter onto the bed.
"He loved me," Kendall began to repeat through his tears. "He loved me...he loved me...he loved me...he loved me..."
Logan rocked him gently as he let out all of his pain and frustration, all of his guilt and regret, all of his tension and stress. It all exited Kendall like the lifting of a weight, and he felt his body tingle with the feeling of being free. Everything he'd gone through had led up to this moment, when he would finally know that his dad cared, that people could change, and that his life would not be lived with the fear of being inhibited any longer.
He violently broke out of Logan's hug, but then he smashed his lips against the other boy, his tongue sliding into his mouth and their worlds colliding. Kendall pushed Logan down on the bed, the kiss never ceasing, and he hopped on top of him, straddling him and kissing him deep into the bed. Logan was scared because Kendall had never been so rough before, but he knew that this roughness wasn't malicious or dangerous. It was the wild abandon of someone who was without chains for the very first time.
"I want to make love to you," Kendall said, his breathing so heavy and hard. "I need to make love to you. I must. I must..." And he went in for another kiss, making Logan's lips swell.
Kendall took off his shirt and unbuttoned Logan's khaki shorts. "I need you."
Logan just went with the flow, and the reckless energy that embodied Kendall spilled over into him. As Kendall dropped another long, lusty kiss on him, he reached out and grabbed Kendall's crotch, squeezing his cock and helping it grow. Kendall reached under Logan's shirt and pinched his nipples, and then he started to suck hard on Logan's neck, leaving instant passion marks.
Kendall rolled over and placed Logan on top of him, and the kisses continued. He grabbed Logan's ass and thighs and slapped them hard, making Logan jump and accidentally bite his lip.
"Fuck!" Kendall exclaimed in pain.
"Yeah," Logan whispered, completely oblivious to the biting because he was now in sex mode, "fuck me."
Luckily, the skin wasn't broken, so they kept it up without missing a beat.
Logan could feel Kendall's dick stretching through his mesh shorts and rubbing up against his ass, and it sent a shock through his body. He pulled back the band on Kendall's shorts and reached in for the dick, which he massaged and pulled and squeezed and rubbed until he felt like he'd taken control from Kendall. He pulled Kendall's cock out and spit on it, then he jerked it, and he could feel Kendall's body responding to the sensation. He kept one hand on Kendall's dick and explored Kendall's upper body with the other. He tickled his belly button, traced around his nipples, then let Kendall suck on his finger.
Logan's own cock was putting pressure on his shorts, so he lifted himself up on his knees struggled to get them off as Kendall struggled to his get own shorts off. Logan took off his shirt, and after they'd both struggled to get naked, Logan thought maybe they could take a short break to breathe, but Kendall took this as his opportunity to seize power again, and he wrapped his arms around Logan, bringing him in for another kiss and clamping him down under Kendall's command.
They both began to moan during the kissing and rubbing of other body parts, and the skin-to-skin contact was sending them both over the edge. "Fuck," Kendall moaned again, this time not in pain but in absolute pleasure.
Logan sat up on Kendall's knees and looked deep into his eyes as he grabbed both their cocks and jacked them both off at the same time. The eye contact was making them both get hotter and hotter, and Kendall stuffed his hand into the space between their bodies and felt around until he found Logan's hole. As Logan worked on getting Kendall's member ready, Kendall worked on getting his hole prepared to receive it. They knew what this was gonna feel like, and they both wanted it so bad. They even kinda smiled and smirked at each other with menacing eyes. They could have said words to each other, could have talked dirty, but the eyes were enough.
Kendall brought his hand back up and shoved two fingers into Logan's mouth to get wet and slippery. He went back under him and shoved the same fingers in his hole and started to finger him. Logan's body was forced awake by the fingers and he jumped on Kendall's probes, but he soon found his rhythm and rode up and down on them. He bit his lower lip and allowed his muscles to constrict and loosen at their own free will. Kendall dug his fingers deep inside, searching...searching...searching until...
"Ah, fuck, Kendall!" Logan gasped.
Once Kendall's dick was starting to ooze pre-cum, they both knew it was time. Logan's carefully lifted himself off of the fingers, and he leaned forward so that Kendall could line his cock up with the hole. He gently massaged the hole into a relaxed state as Logan kissed his forehead and closed eyes. Slowly, Logan lowered himself on the dick and the familiar feeling of Kendall being inside him swept over him like the feeling of being tucked safely under a security blanket.
They made out fiercely as Logan first moved slowly on the cock and then picked up his speed. He could feel as Kendall's long, pointy penis stabbed at the sensitive spot that was buried inside him and each point of contact made him tighten on the throbbing tool. He wimpered and purred as his lips fell of Kendall's and he buried his face in the pillow next to Kendall's head. Kendall slathered the side of his face with wet kisses as he huffed and puffed with each thrust.
After about ten minutes in that position, Kendall held on tightly to Logan as he turned over and had Logan on his back. His dick slipped out for a few seconds, and he again used his finger to massage Logan's hole open again, softly kissing his legs, which were straight up in the air and ready for Kendall to enter him again. He slowly pushed his head back inside Logan and the shaft was quickly sucked in as well. Logan felt a twinge of pain as he got used to the rearranged position, but he soon wrapped his legs around Kendall's back and drove him deeper inside.
Kendall started out fast, attacking Logan's spot vigorously and kissing his lips at the same time, but then he found his speed slowing...and slowing...and slowing...and slowing, until he was more focused on the kissing than on the fucking. He thrust hard into Logan, but then he'd slowly pulled back just until his dick was almost out of him, and then he'd thrust hard again, and all the while, he and Logan sucked on each other's tongues and bit each other's lips. They stopped kissing for a second and stared into each other's eyes as Kendall kept up the slow-and-sensual rhythm he'd established. Still, they did not talk to one another, but their eyes spoke volumes.
Kendall fucked Logan in this gentle way for a solid twenty minutes. The soft sounds of Logan's purrs and Kendall sucking on his neck blended in with the emerging sounds of crickets and other nighttime critters coming in from the window. Their bodies were immune to the chill coming in and the curtains danced in the breeze, casting a kaleidoscopic glow from the sunset on the walls of the room.
And as the crickets sang and the wind blew and the curtains danced, Kendall Knight's cock got bigger and harder, and the blood rushed to it faster and faster until...
Their breathing was uneven as Kendall came, shooting quick jets of hot cum into Logan, whose own cock was leaking its own juices in the space between their bodies. Kendall let his dick get soft inside Logan until it finally withdrew, and he fell on him, their bodies sticking together. Their lips crashed together in a satisfying kiss as to say "This was a success."
Kendall rolled over once more, not caring too much about the evidence of their lust and love getting all over the sheets. He wanted Logan on top of him...he wanted to wrap his arms around him as they slept in the calmness of this rural paradise. He wanted them to be alone in the world for this night. Before they went back to California, before they had to face the rest of the world.
And as they fell asleep, Kendall could feel that feeling of release again. Everything was gone. His fear, his apprehension, his need to cut and run from the truth. It was gone. It had been tossed into that casket with his father and buried six feet below the ground. It was no longer a part of his psyche. He could go after what he wanted and do what he wanted and be with who he wanted to be with. Maybe something was wrong with the fact that he'd just made love in his grandparents' home...maybe something was wrong with the fact that he'd done this a day after his own father's funeral. Maybe something was wrong with the whole fucking thing, but he didn't care.
His life was finally his.
Thanks, Dad, he thought quietly as he finally slipped into his slumber.
One year later
Sometimes, Logan Mitchell liked to remember things from the past. Many people didn't share this hobby, though. Most people looked only to the future, for the past was but a memory that could not be changed. Dwelling too much on the regrettable things, the missed opportunities, and the heartbreaking losses could really get under a person's skin and make them lose their mind. But for Logan? Looking back on yesterday had given him the courage and strength to look forward to tomorrow.
Every single memory - the good ones and the bad ones - stayed with him, and as he put those fragments together to form a complete story, he knew that his happy ending was worth all of the pain he'd endured. So looking back? That was just a reminder of his strength and the strength of the love he shared with Kendall.
This thought crossed his mind as they walked hand-in-hand along the beach together. They were on vacation for the rest of the summer - just like the year before - but this vacation wasn't going to be filled with revelations and big decisions and loss and all of those other things.
"Hollywood Hearsay wants to do a piece on us," Logan said as they casually strolled along on a sunny afternoon. "Apparently, we made their list of the top ten most influential celebrity couples for 2012."
"Oh, really?" Kendall asked. "What did we influence?"
"I don't know," Logan shrugged. "I think it's that whole gay guys in a boy band thing. Apparently, it's sort of a big deal."
They both giggled a little as the wind blew threw their hair.
"So," Kendall began, "what are we doing for the rest of vacation? We only have a month and a half left, and I think we're in danger of blowing the whole thing."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, so far, all we've done are interviews and photo shoots and speaking engagements. It's supposed to be a vacation, but we're still working!"
"Kendall, we came out publicly two months ago. We're a hot item now!"
"Yeah, I guess," Kendall said, hanging his head down low.
"What's the matter?" Logan asked, letting go of Kendall's hand and resting his own on Kendall's hip.
"Nothing," Kendall said. "I just feel like we haven't been able to spend a whole lot of time together, just the two of us. As soon as we let the world know, it's like we broke up with each other and started a relationship with every single magazine, talk show, and blog."
Logan nodded intently, feeling Kendall's pain.
"I want you, Logan," Kendall whispered. "I understand that we have to do all of this other stuff, but at the end of the day, I just want to be with you. Is that too much to ask for?"
They stopped, and Logan smiled. "No," he said, turning to Kendall and kissing him on the lips.
"I was actually thinking," Kendall continued. "Next week, we're going to North Carolina to tape the first episode of Jo's new talk show, right?"
"Yes."
"How about after that, we spend a couple days in Minnesota?"
Logan smiled again, knowing what Kendall had in mind. And, truthfully, several days of rest and relaxation at the cabin seemed to be exactly what he needed.
"I'm totally game for that," he answered. "Let's do it!"
Kendall scooped him up in a hug and kiss, and just as they got into it, the sound of a camera snapping their picture broke their trance. Instead of freaking out and running away, though, they smiled for the paparazzi.
"Thanks, guys," the photographer said. "You're beautiful!"
That night, after going to dinner with James and Carlos, the boys got back to their new penthouse apartment and went straight to sleep. They were tired and worn out, but they were buzzing with the excitement of all the years to come.
As Logan fell into his sleep, he started remembering things again. Sessions with a therapist...a date with a girl who had no interest in him...the horrible morning where he'd spilled his guts to Jo...meeting a nice guy who'd urged him to follow his heart...making love to Kendall for the very first time...and all of the other memories that went along with that crazy summer. Everything happened for a reason, though, and he wouldn't have traded any of those experiences for the world.
He felt Kendall's breath on his neck. Tonight was the night for Kendall to hold him in their sleep. The following night, Logan would have his arms wrapped around Kendall instead. The next time they made love, Kendall would lie there and let Logan take control, letting his love explode inside Kendall. And then, the next time, Kendall would be in charge. They'd decided that the best thing for them was to share and share alike, and it had worked out well.
I'm so lucky, Logan thought to himself as he began to lose consciousness. I'm so happy...and lucky...and I love him...and he loves me...and this is how it was always supposed to be.
NOTE: Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported this story in one way or another. All of the views and reviews and messages, all of the people who put this story and myself on your favorites lists and on your alerts, all of you who mentioned the story on tumblr and Twitter, etc. You guys truly made my first story on this site a great experience! I know it was hard sometimes to stay interested whenever weeks/months would go by without an update, but I love you all for sticking with it. There are tons of things I wish I could go back and change in this story, but in the end, I'm so happy with the way it turned out, and I hope you all are, too. I have two new stories that I will be writing in July and August, and the first chapters for those two have already been posted for months. Please read them soon so that you're ready when the new chapters for those start coming.
Again, THANK YOU EVERYONE! You're all awesome people!