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Excuse any mistakes please =) my beta is busy ,,,

Disclaimer: borrowed characters, original plot

Chapter 11

Three months ago I received an email , and till this day I haven't opened it , being busy was what I might lie and tell anyone who asked , not that Anyone knew,
being scared shitless of what it might say was the actual reason. I've had enough heartbreak to last me a life time , I couldn't take anymore , but it was time to read it , I am ready now.

Sender: e-aCullen
Subject: PLEASE read it when/if you're ready.

Dear Bella,

I thought it would be best to send you this email, I know u can't stand to look at me and I don't blame you, but please read this only when you might have another thought than your hatred for me in mind, I deserve everything you give me but I truly need you to read this with an open heart.

To say that I am sorry would be the understatement of the century , I am more than sorry , I would beg you on my knees for forgiveness if you'd let me, I have hurt you in ways I can't even think about without wanting to kill myself , I hate myself more than you can imagine, I never in my life thought I could do the things I did to you to anyone, but sadly I did and I beg you with all my heart to have mercy on me , which I am well aware that I don't deserve , I came to the cabin to tell you my true feelings and apologize but in the end I broke your heart even more than it was already broken , what you said that day was a wakeup call , I needed it to break me like it did, but I am more heartbroken because of the pain that I made you relive, please know how unbelievably sorry I am , for everything that I did from the very first day you knew me .

I've always thought you were different ,a beautiful angel , and I am sorry I ever made you doubt yourself, when I think about everything I have done to you only one question pops in my mind , how could you stand it? But then I remember what a strong woman you are and it makes me proud even though it makes me a fucking crazy ass prick , I still wanted to tell you that .

I left because I knew you couldn't bear to see me anymore , and I thought I could at least grant you that , when I come back I will respect your wishes , still I will always hope for the best but after all the things I did I won't hold my breath , and please don't feel guilty if u never forgive me , you're too good of a person and I know you will feel that you might have to but please don't listen to your guilt , if you can't forgive me I understand , I wouldn't forgive me if I were you , but I will still hope your hatred for me might cool down as the time passes.

I have never felt this way about anyone, but I won't tell you the words in writing, you deserve to hear them from someone better , from someone who deserves you and wouldn't be too much of a coward to face his mistakes , but you have to know you will always be the girl of my dreams in my heart and soul, even if you never forgive me , my feelings for you will never change, I am a man with half a heart and the rest is with you..

In the end I beg you again to forgive me and allow me into your life again in whichever way you see possible , I know I don't deserve it but I am a selfish person and a hopeful changed man, more so with each passing day, so maybe you'll want to know the real me ? Maybe not, it's your choice no matter what you decide I will respect you decision ,,,

My throat burns with words I long to say to you but wouldn't dare to because I'm not worthy of them..

Yours forever,
Edward Anthony Cullen

I couldn't believe my eyes, after reading the letter four times it hit me, Edward was actually pouring his heart out, he was telling me in the most sincere way how sorry he was, and I believed him, he sacrificed his home to give me peace of mind, he put me before himself, I felt his remorse pouring out, he left me speechless, he left me confused, but most of all his words left me feeling happy, excited and content, I needed to hear them as unexpected as they were .

But as close to heart as they may be, I couldn't forget what he did, I could forgive him but more than that was just too much to ask right now, did I feel guilty? Of course I did, but I still couldn't handle him being close to me, I don't know if I could handle him in my life yet if ever, maybe time will help me decide, but for now I'm not going to push myself, I'm going to live my life normally and hope in time my feelings will become clearer, for now I had an email to reply to that couldn't wait much longer.

I spent the next couple of days going over the email in my head and going over scenarios that might happen or could happen next, I needed to make up my mind and give him an answer, as bad as he might have been to me he still deserved an answer, which i gave him three days later, I hit send quickly before I changed my mind and chickened out.

Later I went to see Angela , she was due any day now and Ben was scarred shitless , he didn't know what to do to help her, he felt so guilty and worried all the time it was heartwarming to watch, though Angela didn't think so, she wanted the baby out of her and blamed Ben for it all the time, the girls and I spend most days by her side trying to occupy her with something other than the baby and trying to give Ben a break from the stress he's feeling ,we were inseparable these days , always together, we grew closer than before, and I enjoy those times , rose and Emmet were like two peas in a pod, and her being here finally after all this time of his waiting made it easier for them to continue their relationship, wedding bells where just around the corner for theses two, Emmet was ready , he just needed to create the perfect setting for Rosalie, Alice and jasper are trying for a baby now , and they're really excited, Alice would spend hours just talking to Angela about her pregnancy and trying to learn more while I spent most of my time with Rosalie when they were talking.

While we were hanging around in the cafe across Angela's house Jake and Sam showed up , that was Jake's surprise that day when he came to see me at the cabin, he had met Sam at the grocery store the other day and they clicked right away, Emmet was still freaked out about Sam from that time he made a move on him but he was trying to act nonchalant about it, Sam takes advantage of that and flirts with him every now and then just to get a rise out of him, its pretty hilarious. Today Sam and Jake announced they were moving in together, and everyone erupted with congratulations, we really liked Sam , and they had great chemistry, so Sam was accepted in the group without a second thought, after all he was Jake's boyfriend and they made a perfect couple , just one more happy ending .

When I got home I checked my messages, called both my parents to check on them, mom and Phil where traveling again and where enjoying their time so much that they didn't want to go home, dad was reluctant but admitted that he was talking to sue everyday and he was thinking of moving closer to here so they can try out a relationship which was really adorable and lovely for them.

I sat at my laptop and re-read what I wrote to Edward before I went to bed.

Sender:Bswan-C
Subject: Hello

Dear Edward,

You don't have to stay away anymore, come home, I'm trying to forgive you but it might take time, I'm sorry you had to leave because of me though I appreciate your thoughtfulness I won't let you stay away from your loved ones anymore, so come home and we'll see where we'll go from there.

Thank you for the email , I value your honesty and though I might still need time, that doesn't mean I hate you, right now I don't know what I feel exactly , but it's not hate.

Regards,
Isabella swan

A/N:

Don't worry Edward won't be away much longer, I miss him too =))

Are you still with me or am I alone ? Shout YES if yes =DD just kidding lol

Tell me your thoughts, don't hold back =)…

I'm sorry I didn't get to reply to the reviews for the previous chapter, but there's something wrong with the ff website, I will reply soon though so don't worry …

Happy Belated valentine's day =)

FFN

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