Tali's awakening came slowly and awfully. Her head hurt, she felt dizzy, and breathing was more difficult than normal. Her suit adjusted automatically to some of these symptoms, for example raising the oxygen content of the air inside her mask, but it was clear to her that this was the beginning of a disease. Yet another one – they were a constant fact of life for quarians, after all. Still, it was annoying.
At least there was no disorientation. She knew exactly where she was – the sickbay of the Normandy, in one of its three beds. Like most rooms on warships, it was rather small and crammed. The beds inside the longdrawn room had their head end on one of the sides, while Dr Chakwas desk was opposite them. Medical electronic equipment was standing around Tali' bed, and Shepard sat on the bed to the right of her, facing away from her. Next to him stood Dr Chakwas, who was involved in a conversation with him, and thus neither she nor he noticed her. Tali also knew what had happened – after the hazardous evacuation of the ground team by the Normandy, Williams, who practically had taken over command for the moment being, had taken her and Shepard to the sickbay. Or rather, the Chief had Wrex almost carry them – bruised and injured as both had been, and after the long exhausting run to get outside the collapsing cavern, both had been in a bad state, near collapse themselves.
Dr Chakwas had immediately begun to prepare operations on both of them. Giving the Commander the higher priority, she had simply anaesthetised Tali, explaining that any medical activities on her would be made so much more difficult by her heightened sterility requirements, but assuring that nonetheless those requirements would be kept. Tali did not exactly knew much of medical electronics, but she guessed that some of the devices now standing around her bed must have served just that purpose. Apparently, the operations on both her and Shepard had been a success. Relatively speaking, in her case anyway – no quarian these days could come around a suit breach without at least a minor infection.
Waiting for a lull in the conversation between Chakwas and Shepard, she made herself noticed by saying: "So, how am I, exactly?"
The two immediately turned towards her, both a bit startled. Shepard was the first to speak, saying: "Oh, hey, Tali, finally awake, too, huh?"
"Figuring the right amount of anaesthetics out was a bit difficult," Dr Chakwas explained, "I'm not used to quarian physiology, so I was not quite sure when you would wake up. As for your question, the operation was a success. Good thing you already had medigel applied on your wound, I had to do little more than set some bones straight and induce medical organ regeneration. In fact, your body still is regenerating, and will need most of its energy for that purpose for at least the next two days. So no hard work, you will be exhausted enough anyway. But it will be a hundred percent recovery, and you can walk around already. As for side-effects like infections, I'm sure you know more about that than me."
Chakwas sounded a bit jaded and perpetually unintersted during her explanations, but to Tali that signaled a reassuring experience and competence. That she was not emotional in her explanations made them comfortably professional and rational. Of course her diagnosis helped to make the quarian feel better, too.
And thank the ancestors for medigel indeed. That was one thing that had radically changed only shortly after the arrival of humans on the galactic scene – their invention of medigel. Technically a violation of Citadel laws on genetic engineering, everybody saw past that simply because the product was so very useful. No matter what your species or physiology, medigel helped your body to regenerate in a mere hours, or even quicker. It couldn't completely replace medical professionals or facilities, of course, as her own and Shepard's injuries had shown, but it could make things very much better. In general, most medical care these days, across species, rested on the same principle of ultrafast regeneration, leaving most injuries healed within very few days. Good thing, too, if we are now immediately setting out for Feros as Shepard had planned.
"I'm already feeling symptoms of an illness," she replied, "but with immuno-boosters it's nothing I can't handle. I hope the results for you have been similarly encouraging, Commander Shepard? And what about Dr T'Soni?"
Shepard just shrugged and Chakwas took over answering for him: "Yes, I suppose I might as well explain everything twice, not only your status. Yes, Commander Shepard is fine. He only woke up about ten minutes ago, too. Basically same story as with you, his body has successfully responded to regeneration efforts. Dr T'Soni has no physical injuries at all. She arrived in a rather bad state of exhaustion, dehydration and undernourishment, but that was quickly fixed."
"Good thing you woke up now, actually," Shepard added. "I called a meeting of the ground team and the ship officers in the conference, in ten minutes. We will have to decide there what happens with Dr T'Soni. You should be there, too."
"Ah, understood," Tali replied, though she could not keep herself from adding the question: "And if I had not woken up in time?"
Shepard shrugged again. "It'll only be an informal meeting," he said, "if somebody misses it it won't be too bad. But it's more complete that way." He grinned. "Heh, that's one advantage you have with your suit and all, isn't it? I don't need to tell you to get dressed." He already was. "Well then, Doctor Chakwas, you think she and I can move already?"
"As long as you don't intend to run a marathon," the physician answered. "Which would probably hurt like hell for you anyway. If you want you two can get up immediately and leave the sickbay."
"Well, thanks for having looked out for us, Doctor Chakwas," Shepard said, got up, and motioned Tali to come, too, something the quarian quickly did.
The two walked out of the sickbay, and to her positive surprise Tali noticed no further pains where her wound had been, only a certain exhaustion and of course the symptoms of her disease. She saw T'Soni sitting in the mess, accompanied by two marines. Even though they were sitting, too, it was very obvious that they were keeping a watch on her.
Asari were the most common race in Citadel space, both most numerous and most widespread, living even in the colonies and settlements of other species. Their presence was practically normal everywhere. Of course, the Flotilla was an obvious exception to that, and so only some months ago, Tali had not seen a single one of them, or any non-quarian for that matter. She had heard the tales, though. About their long lives, their diplomacy, the curiosity and boldness of the younger asari and the wisdom of the elder asari. And about their really strange love lives, forming relationships with all other races. That more than anything else. Since apparently they could form sexual connections via merely neural contact that meant they could, theoretically, even reach quarians in their suits – stuff for legends and fables among adolescent quarians in the time leading up to their pilgrimages.
Of course, most those stories were most probably just wishful thinking. Most asari were attractive enough, and their similarity to quarians was a biologically very strange thing, too – while maybe not all their bones were set the exact same way, and while they were blue or purple skinned, their gait, their movements, their stature was practically completely quarian. And the asari maiden it was said were often not inclined against choosing partners based purely on exoticism. Seeing how few quarians there were left in the galaxy that was something Tali's race surely possessed for most people.
Still, even asari were not above having the usual prejudices against quarians, and the quarian pilgrims on their part really had better things to do than to get involved in amorous adventures. Or at least Tali did, enough to spur all pilgrimage romanticism. And it was just that: All the tales of attractive and seductive asari was simply part of the myths and legends that had sprung up around the pilgrimage over the centuries, and nothing more. Or at least not for the vast majority of pilgrims.
T'Soni did not fit into that stereotype at all, at least not based on her looks. Tali had not had time during her travels to meet many asari, but of those she had met or seen quite many did have a certain aura of grace and elegance – but Dr T'Soni rather less so. Her movements and gestures were not as refined, and with her plain working clothes she looked rather utilitarian.
Tali distrusted her. She knew the Doctor was an individual unto herself, and that of all races most especially the asari placed great stress of individuality, but nonetheless it was clear her mother was one of Saren's allies – and the quarians on their part placed great stress on ancestry. She pondered what she would do if her father were to start committing atrocities. As distant as their relationship had always been, it was not a pleasant thought. If she ever would hear such news...
Which reminded her that maybe Dr T'Soni did not not even know those news yet. Maybe the asari was in for quite a nasty shock, which made Tali almost feel sorry for her. Besides, Tali knew what it was like to be constantly judged not for one's own merits, but because of who one's father was. Or mother, in the asari's case. Still, distrusting her for now was probably still the most sensible and secure attitude to take. Of course, in the end it was Commander Shepard's decision what to do with her.
The Commander and she had already approached the archaeologist to quite some degree, before T'Soni finally noticed them. By her unsteady small gestures she had probably been lost in nervous thought before.
"Commander!" T'Soni exclaimed, raising from her seat. Agitation clearly was audible in her voice, yet on a certain level it remained constantly monotone and sooth. "Am I your prisoner on this ship? Could you please explain to me what is happening here?"
"I am sorry, Dr T'Soni," Shepard replied firmly. "I only woke up in medbay about quarter an hour ago myself. Rest assured, all your questions will be answered."
"Oh...," T'Soni made. "Yes, of course, you were wounded. While saving me from the geth. I'm very sorry, sometimes I can be a bit inconsiderate. While I usually have enough patience to chisel at ruins for months, at the moment..."
"At the moment you have not the slightest clue what's going on, have just escaped an attempted kidnapping and finally want answers," Shepard continued for her. "That you seem to be under supervision here probably doesn't help, either. I understand all that, no worries. I'd probably react in the same manner, but with less patience and armed. There is a meeting in the conference room set for, well, right now, and there we can explain to each other everything we both need to know."
"That is good to hear, Commander," T'Soni answered, and walked away from the bench she had sat on. "I do not want to sound ungrateful, but for the exact reasons you have laid out I was becoming a bit unrestful."
On the way up to the command deck the group of three was joined by most other people who had been called on this short notice to the meeting. Chief Williams grinned as she saw the Commander approaching, and waited up for him.
"Good to see you standing again, sir," she said. "I must say that was quite a fight in the end. You aren't very big on this whole parley thing, are you?"
"Not if the enemy very obviously wants to kill us," Shepard said grimly "and it was not like we'd have surrender T'Soni to him anyway, so why bother listening to him?"
"Damn straight we wouldn't have, sir." Williams answered, now walking at the Commander's side "Though I'd never have pegged you as the 'shoot first, ask questions later' type of commanding officer."
"I'm somewhat curious to know what questions you would have had for that krogan," Shepard mocked. "In any case, I always do try to shoot first, if battle is unavoidable."
"Not quite the stereotype of the chivalrous hero, are you, sir?" Williams replied, as the group entered the conference room "And I'm damn glad you aren't."
With everybody streaming into it, the room filled rather quickly. Eight chairs were available, arranged in two semi-circles, meaning almost everybody got one: Commander Shepard, Navigator Presley, Engineer Adams, Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams, Garrus Vakarian, Dr T'Soni and Tali herself. Only Wrex remained standing, but then Tali pitied any chair that had to bear his weight, so that was maybe for the best.
"Everybody listening?" Shepard asked once they all were seated as a way to get the meeting going. "Good. Now, I realise this is all very short term, but Dr T'Soni deserves some answers. Ah, are you okay, by the way, Doctor?"
"Dr Chakwas assured me I have no injuries, and that with some rest I'll be fine," T'Soni answered, "All that I lack is answers."
"Okay, but we're the ones asking the questions here," Williams said.
"Relax, Chief Williams," Shepard said. "This isn't helping."
"Yes, sir," Williams confirmed. "Sorry, sir."
"She will answer our questions, but it would be too much demanded of her if she doesn't know why we went looking for her in the first place." Shepard explained. "So, Doctor T'Soni, there are two reasons we've been sent to this cluster to find you. Most directly... ah, I am sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news. But it appears your mother has become a traitor."
He surely does not talk around much, Tali thought. Straight to the shocker. And T'Soni looked shocked indeed. "My... mother? Benezia?" she asked. "What exactly has she done?"
"The presence of geth on Therum is not an isolated incident," Shepard explained, apparently putting as much calm and professional distance in his voice as he could, as a way of reassurance "Most glaringly, they've attacked and invaded the human colony of Eden Prime. The attack was repelled, though most enemy objectives were fulfilled. Likewise we assume our colony on Feros is also under geth attack."
"Feros?" T'Soni asked. "The Prothean city planet? And geth attacking on multiple fronts? This is extremely worrying news. It seems the galaxy has changed greatly in the mere months I was away digging up new ruins! But what has that to do with Benezia?"
"The geth were led by Saren Arterius, the turian Spectre," Shepard continued. "He's the initial traitor. We've secured proof of that – and also proof that your mother, Matriarch Benezia, has aided him in that attack."
"I've heard of Saren," T'Soni claimed, "I mean, many people have, due to his status as one of the most famous Spectres, but Benezia spoke of him. She described him as being on a very dark path towards destruction, so I'm shocked but not fully surprised he would do such a betrayal. However, this isn't true of Benezia – whatever our... that is, she and I haven't spoken for years, in fact the conversation about Saren was the last we had, as she and her followers embarked on some project afterwards. Still, she always had very strict and well thought out principles. She would never have joined such a betrayal!"
"I am sorry I had to tell you that," Shepard apologised. "You really have no idea about Benezia's motivations?
"No," T'Soni denied, "She may be my mother, but as I stated, I have not spoken to her in years."
"Right," Williams commented.
"What Chief Williams wants to say," Shepard explained with a half-smile, though it looked rather sad than amused "is that of course that's a very convenient claim for you. You'll hopefully understand that Lady Benezia's role also casts some suspicions on you."
"I understand, Commander," T'Soni answered. "But everything is as I've said. If at one point Benezia turned traitor, she must have had her own reasons - reasons she didn't share with me. As time went by we became increasingly estranged, and for years I have not heard a word from her. I know nothing of any betrayal!"
Tali certainly knew all about that, a distant or estranged parent, but this did not seem like a good argument to her – even an estranged parent was a parent, after all. One would still help them, even if maybe only grudgingly. Or maybe I'm really generalising too much from myself.
"That krogan down there didn't seem like he would spare her," Wrex said. "if that was a trick to convince us she isn't on Saren's side then it was a damn dangerous one."
There was a palatable sense of surprise in the air. It was not exactly the most sophisticated and clever argument, but it happened rarely enough that Wrex spoke on his own at all without being prodded. And most people would probably think even such simple arguments as being beyond a krogan's grasp. But that damn krogan is more clever than he looks, I'm sure of it.
"Would Benezia really allow Saren's troops to kill her daughter, though?" Alenko asked.
"Maybe she doesn't know about it," Shepard argued, "it's clear he's pulling the strings, not she."
"In that case it's no argument either way," Williams exclaimed. "She could be working with her mother and could have been assaulted without Benezia's knowledge."
"I can assure you, I certainly feel no loyalty to people trying to kidnap me," T'Soni stated, "Even if that were the case I would now most certainly not stand on Saren's side any more." There was a noticeable and somewhat awkward pause. "Uh, not that I would ally myself to traitors in the first place."
Either she is a really bad actor... or a supremely good actor trying to convince us she could not state a convincing lie even if her life depended on it. That uncertainty annoyed Tali, and thinking about it only caused her even more headaches. It made T'Soni appear almost slippery to her.
"This is nonsense," Wrex said, though his voice was only marginally more emotional that normal "if she were on Saren's side he'd have already used her in her search for the conduit."
"The Conduit?" T'Soni asked. "The Prothean artifact?"
"Yes," Shepard confirmed. "That is the second reason we needed to find you. Your expertise on the Protheans. And it may be Saren wanted to... recruit you for the same reasons. We know the goal of Saren and his geth is to find the Conduit. Do you know anything about it, to start with?"
"Only that it was somehow connected to to the Prothean extinction," T'Soni replied, "That's my real area of expertise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them."
"I have acquired information about that as well," Shepard said. "I think we can consider the issue settled."
"With all due respect, Commander," T'Soni answered. "I have heard that often enough. There are hundreds of amateur historians or outright charlatans out there who claim to perfectly know what really happened to the Protheans." Tali saw how Commander Shepard tried to speak in response, but he did not come to it, as T'Soni simply spoke on. "While I admire the dedication of some of them, none of these claims are scientifically sound. The problem is that the Protheans left remarkably little behind to verify any theories. It's almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It's like someone came along after the Protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxies of clues."
Tali found it both funny and annoying to watch the Doctor blather on, but she could understand run-away enthusiasm only all too well. Maybe she indeed only is what she says she is. Then again... It was kind of difficult for her to come to a conclusion with her head aching like hell, and that made her feel grumpy.
"But I have evidence, doctor," Shepard finally cut in forcefully, "if you would be so kind as to let me explain."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Commander," the asari apologised, abashed. "I rarely get the chance to speak of my work and... well..."
"It's all right, I understand," the Commander replied. "The geth attack on Eden Prime. Its major objective was to capture a working Prothean beacon."
"A working Prothean beacon?" she replied, and the usual soft monotone of her voice was cut through by excitement "Those are incredibly rare. I would give a century of my life to study one. No wonder the geth risked such an attack, it is worth almost any risk."
Shepard shrugged. "The Council didn't put as much stock in it," he said. "In any case, I came into contact with the beacon as well. It... It kinda burned a message into my brain, a vision. But the beacon was damaged, and the vision was all garbled. I'm still trying to make sense of it. But it clearly did record the extinction of the Prothean race – at the end of hyper-advanced synthetic lifeforms called 'the Reapers'. The existence of those Reapers was verified by retrieved geth databanks as well. Apparently, they and Saren work on their return."
"This... this is incredible news," T'Soni responded. "It makes sense that you would see a vision – the beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user. But to date there had never been any recordings on the Prothean extinction found whatsoever. Until now, it appears. Excuse me, Commander, but this totally transforms my entire field of study." The Commander nodded understandingly and T'Soni went on: "And I'm amazed you were able to make sense of the beacon's visions at all. They were only programmed to interact with Prothean physiology, so damaged or not, any information you received would be confused, unclear. A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process. You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander."
"This is not helping us further," Tali interjected, a little surprised by herself. Mostly, it was her annoyance at being unable to properly judge T'Soni's motivations which finally made itself a way, coupled with her temper being a bit shorter than it usually would without headaches. But it truly does not help us further. And is she just trying to kiss up to the Commander to gain his trust?
"Of course, you are right," T'Soni admitted. "I am sorry. My scientific curiosity got the better of me. There is one more thing I can contribute, a theory I already had developed before."
"If you think it of relevance to us, go ahead," Shepard invited her.
"The Protheans are not the oldest extinct race we know of," T'Soni explained. "There are traces of sentient life in the galaxy that go back literally millions of years, though I could only think of one example in that category. But there is definitely evidence of sentient life that goes back one hundred or two hundred thousands years, which is long before the Protheans arose to prominence. And all those civilisations vanished mysteriously. However, according to my findings, those were not unrelated events – there is a cycle of galactic destruction. Each time a great civilisation raises, it is suddenly and violently cast down, leaving only ruins behind to be exploited by the next civilisation. Just as we nowadays use the remains of the Prothean empire, like the mass relays or the Citadel, the Protheans built them based on the technology of the races that had come before them. It is as if those civilisations all died out with a frightening regularity that allowed their successors to climb to the top based on their remains. Now you say that the Reapers destroyed the Protheans, and that they are about to return, so... well, it's a terrible thought, but..."
"If they 'return' every time it might be the Reapers stand behind that entire cycle, not only the destruction of the Protheans," Shepard finished for her.
"As if the stakes were not high enough already," Williams commented.
"Saren wants to facilitate the return of the Reapers by finding this 'Conduit," Shepard said. "We need to pre-empt him, but for the moment being any of us could probably walk past it without ever knowing it's the Conduit, since nobody of us here has enough knowledge on matters Prothean. So, that is why I'd like to ask for your help, Dr T'Soni. Your theories and explanations mark you as a potentially very useful expert for our team."
"That, and her biotics," Wrex added.
"I can hardly deny your request with so much at stake," T'Soni replied. "And especially not after you saved my life. Besides, I figure that Saren might still be looking for me. Your ship is probably the safest place for me."
Before Shepard could answer, Joker's voice on the loud speakers cut through the room: "Ah, Commander, the Council is on the line. Want to speak with you for an after mission-debriefing."
"Ah, timing. All right, one moment," Shepard replied and shrugged. "Well then, Dr T'Soni, welcome aboard. Like the other non-humans here you'll officially be part of my Spectre's entourage. I think Navigator Presley can show you the ship and introduce the others to you."
"Yes, sir," Presley replied.
"Thank you, Commander," T'Soni said. "And please, 'Liara' is enough. I enjoyed having a bit of formalism to win a greater distance when I suspected being a prisoner, but normally we asari do not place all too great stock on titles or family names."
"Very well, Liara," Shepard answered. "I'll come talk to you later. I can't exactly keep the Council waiting"
As Shepard turned towards the holographic communication console, the asari was gently led out of the room by Presley, followed by the other humans. However, Tali noticed that Shepard had not explicitly dismissed anybody. Feeling more comfortable in her chair than she would be walking due to her illness, and being very much curious about what the Council had to say, she decided to stay, as did Garrus.
"You can patch them through now, Joker," Shepard announced, and shortly afterwards holographic images of the three Councilors appeared at the console.
"Commander," the asari Councilor greeted him. "We've heard news about your mission. We understand you were medically incapacitated for a while, but can we assume that we get a full report from you soon?"
"Of course," Shepard answered.
"Good," the turian Councilor said. "We also understand that Dr T'Soni is aboard the Normandy. Can we also assume that the necessary security precautions have been taken?"
"Yes," Shepard confirmed. "Dr T'Soni is still under continued supervision, for the moment being. However, for various reasons I don't think she is on the side of her mother, or Saren's. I will list out the details in the full report, and I think I can do away with that supervision soon."
"We are looking forwards to it," the salarian Councilor said. "Good to hear the mission was a success."
"Apart from the utter destruction of a major Prothean ruin," the turian Councilor disagreed. "Was that really necessary, Shepard?"
"I'm sure, Councilor, that if you had been there you'd have found a perfect solution to reach the mission's objective," Shepard answered. Tali was a bit surprised; after all that turian was one of the three most important people in the galaxy. But then Shepard had already verbally attacked him on the Citadel, in the Council Chamber itself nonetheless. The Commander did not seem to be the kind of person who could let any challenge to him go by unanswered. Garrus, however, seemed positively flabbergasted by Shepard's lack of respect to the Council.
"No, I wouldn't have," the turian Councilor answered, "but then I'm also no Spectre. It isn't expected of me. You are a Spectre, though."
"Yeah, well, it shows that you are not," Shepard said. "Or else you might have understood and appreciated the needs of pre-empting the enemy in capturing T'Soni, the ensuing time pressure and the fact that the cavern was de facto enemy territory, crawling with geth."
"Of course, Commander," the salarian Councilor intervened, "the mission must always take priority."
"Good luck, Commander," the asari Councilor wrapped the conversation up, "We'll await your report, and remember: We're all counting on you." The holographic images faded.
"Yeah, no pressure at all," Shepard muttered, and then turned again to the chairs, facing Garrus and Tali. "Your curiosity is satisfied, now?" he asked with a lazy half-grin.
Tali and Garrus exchanged a quick, awkward glance, before both began to stumble out incoherent apologies, causing Shepard to laugh.
"It's all right," he said, "I'd have sent you away if it had really bothered me."
"Uh, right,"Garrus said, still awkwardly, "I should... go back to my terminal then. Find out more about Feros. That is, Feros is where we are going now, I assume?"
"It is," Shepard confirmed, "so you better do that." Without another word, Garrus just turned and left. "Meanwhile, Tali, you're restricted from just about any work for today. The Mako has been recovered and is slightly damaged, but today you won't be climbing around in it. I'll need you at Feros in full health."
"Ah, understood, Commander," Tali replied.
"Of course, the same applies for me," Shepard continued. "So I guess for now I'll simply go to the mess and see if they have something good to eat. Wanna join?"
"Sure, why not?" she countered. "It's not like you have left me with anything else to do."
Shepard chuckled, and they turned to walk towards the mess.
...
The mess was surprisingly empty, and so Tali and Shepard had the entire table for themselves. By the time Shepard had finally put together a meal, Tali had already grabbed a nutrient paste tube from her belongings, returned to the table and opened it.
"So, you wanted to tell me about the geth," Shepard said as he approached the table, but before Tali could answer added: "Ah, right, we probably should get some, err, quarian compatible food from somewhere. I mean, how long do your reserves still last?"
"Months," Tali answered. "Since every pilgrimage is of varying length, such time frames must be taken into consideration, after all. I don't think I'll need any restocking during the duration of the mission." She looked up a bit more and starred at Shepard's table, which was basically flowing over with different foods, both warm and cold. "Ah..." she began. She considered a clever quip at first, but that would hardly have been appropriate to one's commanding officer, so instead she said nothing. Nonetheless, Shepard seemed to understand what had caught her attention, and laughed shortly.
"I know, I know," he said and shrugged, "it looks much. But it's because I'm biotic. Biotic power eats up a lot of the body's energy, and that must be regenerated in some way again. Besides, you've heard Dr Chakwas, our bodies are currently eating up inordinate amounts of energy anyway, due to the medical regeneration."
Tali had never spent much thought on what it mean being a biotic, beyond the certain exotic flair of them. That had been her gut impression of the phenomena so far, and it did make the Commander exotic in a way. More exotic that is. As if he needed any more. Shepard had quite a fascinating personality as it was anyway. In her short time aboard she had heard countless tales about him already – the Lion of Elysium, the Saviour of Eden Prime, First Human Spectre. And yet, despite all that acclaim, he did not seem any distant, but rather seemed to retain a basically friendly and nice personality. Even towards her, despite the usual prejudices against quarians. She did not know whether Shepard just did not have any, or bothered to hide them. In their own ways, both would be rather extraordinary: Most people don't seem to make a fuss about their dislike of my race.
"Right," was what she answered, and took a long draw from her tube. "That makes sense."
"So that means you should make sure to eat enough, too," Shepard answered. "What with all your work in Engineering, and your effort in the ground missions, your body really deserves it. You're working a lot for this mission."
Part of Tali's mind glowed at the praise, while another part was slightly embarrassed. "I don't think it's all that much," she replied. "This mission does more for me than I could ever do for it: I get the chance to fight geth, and to work on this ship, without restrictions. One of the most advanced vessels in Citadel space. I get the chance to see and work on such things as its super-compact drive core, its stealth capabilities, its..." She actually began a list of the Normandy's outstanding features, and to explain why they were so grand, totally taken away by her enthusiasm, before she awkwardly stopped herself.
Shepard laughed, but he did not seem put off by her rambling. He even continued to grin as he answered: "Okay, I get it, I get it."
"In short," Tali said, trying to regain composure, "travelling on the Normandy is a dream come true for me." She paused and then added dryly: "Even if it does mean getting shot sometimes."
"Well I knew about your engineering skills of course," Shepard said. "But I had no idea you found ship technology that interesting."
"Most quarians do to some degree," Tali explained. "Ships are our most valuable resources, after all. Without them, without the Migrant Fleet, our race couldn't survive. But we don't have anything like this. We make do with cast-offs and second hand equipment. We just try to keep them running for as long as we can. It's quite a difference to working here."
"Well, I can hardly complain about having such high morale among my crew;" Shepard commented, still grinning. "Now, you wanted to tell me about the geth?"
And so Tali did. She explained that geth were not robots, but that rather those robots were platforms, carrying what the geth really were – programs, software. She explained that a platform depending on size could carry a dozen, several dozens or even hundreds of geth, and that this was necessary, too, as a single geth program on its own would be not much more intelligent than any program on her omnitool. As such, geth were not true AI; the quarians had not violated the AI research laws of the Citadel all the way back. Rather, they had underestimated the power of the neural network: If several geth were in vicinity of each other, they could share some program processes, freeing up resources for conscious thought. This did not make them a hive mind or anything; rather the geth made decisions by consensus among the various involved programs. As such, every movement of a geth platform was a deliberate decision, but since the inter-program consultations of those were run in machine time this usually did not show.
It was the accumulating power of the neural network which pushed the geth to become true de facto AI, which in turned caused the Geth War. While hard data about geth was hard to come by these days, the quarians assumed that the geth still tried to form as large networks as possible. While not truly a hive mind, remaining data from the War indicated that they seemed to have developed a 'philosophy' (if it could be called such in case of software programs) seeing themselves, seeing all geth, as a sort of monolithic entity – most likely a result from their routine consensus forming.
Of course, this went a bit far into the theoretical and abstract. What Tali focused on, and what was probably most important for Shepard was that geth acted cleverer when in greater numbers. This did not necessarily mean the number of platforms, but the number of single geth programs. The more geth programs were in an area, the more they could share 'subconscious' routines, freeing up resources for combat, among other things. That was how neural network worked, and it worked the better the closer the geth programs were to each other.
Despite her doing most of the talking, Shepard proved to be an engaging opposite in conversation. He understood the gist of her explanations quite well, and for the most part his questions were constructive and on the mark. This continued even when the conversation shifted to Tali telling stories about her home and her people, at Shepard's urging. She told him about life on the Rayya, about quarian society, about the hardships her people faced. Only her family she left mostly out, as this was a rather complex topic: She was not quite sure how she could describe her father and her relationship to him to outsiders, besides the barest outline she had already told Shepard in an earlier conversation.
Instead, to evade that topic, she talked about quarians in general, and she found Shepard to be apparently genuinely interested and even to a degree knowledgeable in the subject. Seeing as he had not even known what her suit was for at her first day aboard it appeared he had read up on the topic – and very few people cared enough about the quarians to do that. In a way it was surprising, but in another way it somehow fit to Shepard. In any case it was quite uplifting to find somebody who thought of her people as being important enough to gather information about them. He seemed especially interested in the close social bonds between quarians, about how a ship's crew was basically one's extended family (even though the pilgrimages ensured that this was not genetically the case), and about how quarian economy was essentially money-less. The way the Commander basically ate up those tales made it clear he saw something appealing in those facts.
"Quarian society has its advantages, yes," Tali said after a while, "but it also has disadvantages. Sometimes all the bad aspects of close-knit communities come up, too – rumours, social positioning, excluding those people the group doesn't like..." She stopped right there, because to a degree the latter had happened to her on the Fleet, but that was not something she wished to bring up now. "Either way, it's just how we live," she concluded. "And I think I've told you plenty about that now. What about you? Where did you grow up?"
Tali thought the question innocent enough, but Shepard did a visible double-take, and then slumped together somewhat with a sigh. "It's fair enough, I guess," he said, "you have told me quite a bit about you after all. It's just... well, I did some things in my youth I'm absolutely not proud of nowadays. Not at all." He shook his head. "But it's all in the public records anyway, and I stand to it, so I might as well tell it."
Tali gathered her thoughts and answered with a minor pause: "I didn't mean to bring up something associated with such bad memories. You don't need to answer."
Shepard sighed again. "Everybody can look it up on the extranet," he said. "So it doesn't matter. Short version is that I basically grew up on the street... I..." He struggled with something and then shook his head. "Never mind," he said, "point is that I ran with gangs as a youth. Did some really screwed up stuff in that time. I mean, it wasn't like I had much choice, in a way, but still, it's nothing I'm proud of" He made a melancholic, loop-sided half grin. "So, now you know. It isn't something I explain often, but it is something I tell when asked about, because, well, it's no secret."
Tali did not quite know what to say in response to that. She got the gist of what Shepard was saying, but still some concepts mostly escaped her. 'Living on the street' was something entirely impossible on the Fleet, for example – not only for lack of streets; there was a real physical lack of space that prevented anybody from falling through the cracks, never mind the strong family and social bonds of the quarians that would never allow it, either. Which was probably just what Shepard founded so attractive in her stories. She was in any case still confused by his explanation, but she did not push the issue, seeing how uncomfortable it made him. Trying to wrap the topic up she said: "But you have left that behind. Or so it seems."
Shepard nodded, but his facial expression looked grim. "Joined the armed forces for that one reason," he said. "It helped that I was biotically gifted, of course, so they basically took me with no questions asked. Well, not at first anyway. It was also the only reason I stayed, despite... well... never mind. I stayed in the navy because of fear of falling back into that old life." He shrugged. "But I guess I didn't come too bad out of it, now."
"You are the first human Spectre," Tali replied without thinking much, "So I would definitely say so."
"Heh, thanks. I guess." Shepard answered. "Well, I got away from it all. And it seems you got away from your upbringing... for a time."
It was a rather awkward and obvious attempt to change the topic at every price, but Tali understood that, and went along. "As you say, only temporarily," she confirmed. "I could never abandon my people. But the pilgrimage is probably the most important rite any quarian passes through during his or her life."
"I must admit I didn't quite understand your explanations there," Shepard said, "I mean, the aim is to prove one's abilities to one's new Captain, but most Captains will take just about everybody to increase crew size? Isn't that a bit contradictory? If that's the case, why does one still need to prove oneself?"
"These days crew size is an asset," Tali answered, "but that wasn't always so. While we quarians still only live a hull breach away from death, at least these days we always have enough food or medicine. That wasn't always so. When the tradition of the pilgrimage started, Captains really had to take care not to let people join who would only use up resources but not contribute. Of course, this isn't the case any more, but the tradition remains. A suitable pilgrimage gift will increase one's standing in the new crew, something that of course is always helpful."
"Okay, but that means the pilgrimage gifts themselves cannot be all that important as a way to gain resources, right?" Shepard asked. "I mean if they were, wouldn't the Migrant Fleet send out trained experts with sufficient experience to retrieve resources from the outside instead of, well, youths who have never left the Fleet before and who are basically told to do whatever to acquire a suitable gift?"
"But the tradition exists anyway," Tali argued. "So the Fleet might as well use make use of us to gather resources. Since us quarians on pilgrimage are out here in space anyway, there is no need for specifically trained experts."
"I just... don't know," Shepard answered. He seemed engaged in the argument now, probably happy about the successful topic change. "That sounds a bit like circular logic to me, but okay. Still, even if it's as you've said – it appears kinda, well, cruel to me to. Dumping out your youths who have never left the fleet before, leaving it entirely to them how to find an appropriate pilgrimage gift, in a galaxy that basically shuns them, far away from everything they have known so far..." He shrugged. "You seem to have adapted well, but I can't imagine every quarian does."
It's a good thing he isn't uncomfortable any more, but he is distorting the entire tradition! "We are not 'dumped out'" she replied, "we receive a thorough training on what to expect, implants to strengthen our immune systems and several gifts to make our journey easier. Of course every quarian will face some difficulties during their pilgrimages, but it's a rite of passage."
"Okay, so you get some teaching," Shepard argued, "but still it's your first trip outside the Fleet, and already that trip is being all alone and expected to make some big haul. Or well, sufficiently big, at least. That just doesn't seem right."
"Every quarian is required to go on the pilgrimage," Tali answered, "so if it were really that dangerous our numbers would suffer. Virtually every pilgrimage ends with a triumphant return and a ritual presentation of the gift to one of the Fleet's captains."
"But you quarians face a hard enough life as is, anyway, no?" Shepard asked, "So why make it more difficult, if only temporarily?"
"The universe is a harsh place," Tali agreed, "that is true. The Migrant Fleet is what gives us, the quarians, a protective sanctuary in it. I think being isolated from it for a while helps us appreciate that fact."
"So it's a form of 'scare'em straight'," Shepard commented, "yeah, I know all about that."
"What do you mean, 'scare'em straight'?" Tali asked. She became a bit irritated at Shepard's ongoing criticisms of her people's traditions.
"Well, if people tend to accept a given state of affairs easier if they have been scared of the alternatives," Shepard explained, apparently oblivious to her irritation. "That is what kept me in the military. Seems to me... well, I can't say for sure, of course, but seems to me it works similar with the pilgrimage: People will be far more accepting of whatever happens inside the Migrant Fleet, like the absolute rule of the Captains or the role of the Admiralty Board, for example, once they have been properly scared of the outside world."
What is he talking about? Tali thought. She was utterly dismayed by Shepard's attitude. It had become clear he did not dismiss the quarians, their society or their customs out of hand, but it now seemed he simply had found a more sophisticated way of doing so. In the end, they're all the same Tali thought, disillusioned. Everybody sees us as somehow beneath them. Either from the start or due to some 'clever' argument. That was maybe not an entirely fair attitude on her part, but it was the disappointed impression she had at the moment.
"This is not at all what the pilgrimage is like!" she answered fiercely, visibly surprising Shepard.
"Okay, okay," he replied. "I didn't mean... I didn't mean to offend you." However, he did not say anything more, did not try to justify or explain himself. And Tali, on her part, did not answer to that, either, so an uncomfortable, awkward silence fell over the table.
Shepard was still working on what had remained of his huge pile of food, but Tali could have stood up and walked away now. After all, there seemed to be nothing more to say. However, she did not wish to leave with such an awkward silence standing between them – yet couldn't think of anything to break it, too, with the only result being that she lengthened said awkwardness by staying, yet not talking.
This atmosphere of uneasy tension remained even as Lieutenant Alenko entered the mess and, after having taken some food himself he took a seat at the table, too. He did not exactly look happy, either, for whatever reason. He fit in just fine.
"Commander, Tali," he greeted the two, who both just nodded in return. After a while, with nothing more said, he remarked: "Seems to be a thought heavy silence here."
"You don't exactly look like the soul of joviality, either, Lieutenant," Shepard replied, quickly enough that Tali suspected he was happy for any way to finally break that silence.
"Yeah, well, there's a lot on my mind," Alenko stated, "I think T'Soni, ah, Liara can be trusted. Wrex was right in both his points, and she seems nice enough. Easy on the eye, too. I mean, if you like the bookish sort."
Shepard laughed. "Just remember, Lieutenant, if you have such thoughts: I saw her first."
Alenko managed the smallest hint of a smile on his still rather glum face and replied: "Details, details."
Tali however, was not pleased. It was of course just stuff men joked about (or women when men were the subject), apparently no matter whether on the Migrant Fleet or here. She did not even mind that they did so in her presence; quarians were after all used to observing other people's conversations in the crammed conditions of the Fleet ships. It was the subject of this banter. It made her feel as if Liara's fawning over the Commander had produced results, despite the patheticness of it all. And that made Tali angry, as it let Shepard appear rather shallow. Still, she decided to remain. Now I might as well listen to all he has to say about her. That however was not the turn the conversation took:
"That can't be why you're looking so glum, though," Shepard remarked.
"It's not," Alenko admitted. "Off the record?"
"Hah," Shepard made, "this is the mess table. I would surely hope things don't get too official here."
"Ya, you're probably right," Alenko agreed. "But I think something's wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction – repeated galactic extinction if, ah, Liara is right – but we can't get back-up from the Council? Sorry Commander, there's writing on the wall here, but somebody isn't reading it."
"The Council sees itself, its era, as the height of galactic peace and civilisation," Shepard responded, "they're ill-equipped to admitting that anything might be wrong. Now, I'd call that human nature, but..."
"I hear ya," Alenko replied, "I... it just seems like a group that's been around as long as the Council should see this coming. Especially as not everything has been all rosy in their time. But yeah, they'd never admit to that." He shook his head. "It's funny. We finally got out here, to the stars, and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the views. Or the dangers."
Shepard laughed. "Ah I see," he said, "good old-fashioned romanticism. Did you sign on for the dream? 'Secure man's future in space' and all that?"
Alenko chuckled, though it sounded insecure. "Well, maybe in the beginning," he admitted, "Might be I was a romantic then. But I thought all it over before joining. You know how it is, Commander, biotics aren't actively restricted from any line of work, but we sure are watched and registered anyway, so we might as well make a living out of it. I'm not looking for 'the dream'. I just wanted to do some good, see what's out here."
"I see," Shepard said. "There are worse reasons to join up, that's for sure." A heavy pause set in again in the conversation, something that apparently still was not to the Commander's liking as he asked after some moments: "So what did you do before you joined the navy?"
"Ah, I was born in Singapore," he answered, "but most of my youth I spent on Gagarin Station, as part of Brain Camp... ah, sorry, 'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training'. But that name didn't make it through the airlock."
"I've read a little on it," Shepard commented. "That was obviously before my time. When I got biotic training, it already didn't exist any more."
Alenko smiled or grinned at something, but it was a melancholic smile, and Tali could not quite understand what it was for. The Lieutenant shook his head and answered: "No. That was at the very beginning of human understanding of biotics, so the Alliance hired Conatix to haul in kids for research... Sorry, 'haul in' is unkind. We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled'."
"In other words, you were hauled in," Shepard said grimly.
"Whatever you want to call it, in reality it was a bunch of guys in suits showing up at your door after school, and next thing you know you're out on Jump Zero," Alenko explained.
"Figures," Shepard muttered, shaking his head, "That does sound just like the Alliance."
"I wouldn't go so far, Commander," Alenko disagreed, "Besides, there are worse results to 'accidental' exposure to Element Zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumours some kids grew up with. Or, you know, not being born alive in the first place."
"Accidental?" Shepard asked. "I see what you mean. Were you exposed 'accidentally' that way?"
"No, that's not really possible," Alenko answered, "My mother got exposed in a transport crash, only a little after the discovery of the Martian ruins, before people even knew about human biotics. Things only get iffy around '63, when Conatix was running out of first-gen subjects. Until then, they were able to rely on us accidentals, by well... hauling us in, as you decided it should be called."
"And after 63?" Shepard inquired, his voice getting ever grimmer as Tali noticed. "Were there deliberate exposures?"
"Nobody knows for sure," Alenko explained, "but that doesn't mean they didn't happen. As big as the previous exposures were at times, it was difficult to track down accidentals. Things were different back then – no one knew the boundaries of biotic potential, so there were no regulations. Everything Conatix did was gold. I'm not saying they intentionally detonated drives over our outposts, but in retrospect, they were damn quick on the scene."
Tali saw Shepard forming a fist beneath the table. She didn't think that Alenko had caught it, though, and the Commander quickly relaxed his hand again, breathed out and asked, still rather calmly: "So, what was Jump Zero like?"
"The 'great gateway to humanity' looks better in the vids," Alenko claimed, "True, it was the biggest and farthest space facility we had for decades, and it's where they did the 'goose chase' FTL research, before we caught on to using mass effects fields – but that meant that when I was there it was just a sterile research platform."
"But there others like you in the same boat, right?" Shepard asked.
"That's true. We did have a little circle that would get together every night before lights-out. We didn't have much to do, though. There was absolutely nothing out there, and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the extranet, to prevent leaks."
"So to add to it," Shepard said in a voice that was a sarcastic mockery of an exposition "they also kept you in isolation at the then arse-end of humanity, far away from, well, everything and everybody?"
"Ah, I suppose that's true," Alenko answered. "But anyway, that's stuff that all happened years back. This conversation turned out to be more than just an informal debriefing."
"Maybe," Shepard said, "I just don't understand... you were practically kidnapped on Alliance authority and isolated, by a company that as you say probably deliberately created element zero exposures. And yet you still joined the Alliance Navy?"
"I joined on my own terms, for my own reasons," Alenko replied, "What was I supposed to do? Hate the Alliance?"
"Maybe not hate them" Shepard said. "Still.. well, all I say is that I don't know if I would have joined up if the Alliance had kidnapped me at one time."
That was the breaking point for Tali. She stood up and left the table, not bothering nor desiring to hear the end of that conversation, leaving the two humans behind in surprise. She suspected her departure was rather sudden, but Shepard's attitude throughout the whole conversation had rubbed her the wrong way. True, whoever or whatever 'Conatix' was, they had clearly done wrong by the Lieutenant - but Shepard's conclusion sounded like an appeal to disloyalty to her. Ancestors know the Admiralty Board or the Conclave don't always make the right choice, but that doesn't mean I'd ever turn my back on the Fleet!
That was what bothered her. The universe was an unjust place, but the only way to deal with that fact was to accept it. The conclusion could not be to shun one's government. Born for generations into an at times desperate struggle for survival, 'duty' was an ingrained part in the mind of most quarians, and that counted double so for Tali, due to her father and how he had raised her. Yet, Shepard did not seem to have much of a concept of it.
She had to admit she was somewhat disappointed in the Commander.