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Chapter 15

This was the moment of truth; what I did next would make it or break it, that entire time he was talking about me? ME? This wasn't what I was expecting; who was I kidding I can't do this! This was Edward for god's sake, he can never love one woman, and least of all me, and I wasn't going to risk getting hurt over this, yes he's changed but how much? And how can I trust him after all that's happened? He sounded sincere but what if it's just an act, no he can't be that good! But what if he is? I'm too tired of this second guessing and over thinking and drama, in the end it's just easier not to get involved with Edward.

Our foreheads where pressed up against one another and we were just breathing each other in, i couldn't open my eyes from fear of what I'll find looking back at me, I needed time to think without Edward's nearness being a distraction, I needed time to think things over, and i couldn't do it here, I had to get home.

"I'm just going to the ladies room, can you please take me home when I come back, or I can go alone I mean it's okay you d—" I babbled but was cut off with Edward's hand on my cheek.

"Breathe Bella, I'll take you home when you're done" he whispered sadly, I guess he knew what was coming.

I splashed some water on my face and just stared at me self, what am I going to tell Edward? What am I going to do? Why didn't I see this coming? Because I never imagined Edward would feel like that , NOT Edward of all people, or maybe I just didn't want to believe it was Possible, I can't think about this anymore, I suddenly had an excruciating headache, I needed to lay down and close my eyes and drift away to a more perfect world, but right Edward was waiting and he's going to take me home, this was one ride I would have avoided at any cost if i had another option, but alas I needed to face Edward again, and with a heavy heart i got out of the ladies room and walked towards Edward who was waiting for me by the doors and frowning at the floor.

He opened the car door for me like before and helped me in, we drove in silence each of us lost in their own world, when we reached my building Edward turned off the car and we just sat there, I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know what he really wanted.

"I know I blindsided you with my confession but I need you to know that it wasn't just a spur of the moment thought, I have been having strong feelings for you for a long time now, I can't be friends with you any more , I need more, I need all of you; you heart , your body and most of all your spirit, i need to claim you as mine, and i need to be yours, I can't pretend anymore, please think about it, I know you have feelings for me or at least you used to, but please give me a chance to be with you, give US a chance." He said gently then got out of the car and came around to open my door.

I didn't say anything till we reached the my door, I unlocked it and turned my head to tell him goodnight but he was closer than I expected, he leaned in with fire in his eyes, traced my jaw line with his nose while his hand drew circles in my waist, then he started kissing me everywhere gently , my forehead, my eyes , my cheeks, my Nose and lastly my waiting lips, this was a softer kiss than the one in the restaurant, like he was trying to savor my taste, to memorize me like this, I could feel moisture seeping from my eyes, then he started kissing my tears away, taking care of me like I was a fragile doll, it was too much and I was too weak.

" don't cry sweetheart, please don't cry, I'm sorry , I'm so sorry, I wish I was normal from the start, but please don't give up on me now, please" he whispered shakily and all I could do was cry some more. when I was calm enough I stood up on my tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek , looked deep into his sad pleading eyes and whispered a' goodnight' then went inside the apartment and locked the door behind me, I reached my bed trying to hold myself together but I blew up when I found Doggy looking up at me concerned from his spot on the bed, I let all the heartache out in gut wrenching sobs, after a while I just passed out from exhaustion, it was the only way that my mind stopped working and I had peace.

The next morning I stayed in bed thinking and going over every option, in the end there was only one way to go, I was going to let Edward down easily, I know it was harsh of me to do so, but it was time I put myself first, I might regret this later but for now I needed peace of mind and to move on from this, and sadly it was the easiest way out.

I took a shower , ate a quick meal and went down to the library, by six I was going out of mind, I couldn't do this, I can't face Edward, I needed to avoid him On all costs, no matter how much i needed to see him, but how was I going to that is the question, because right this moment a determined Edward was walking towards the library, and I had no time to escape, so I just picked up the phone quickly and started talking to no one and looking busy, he walked inside and waited right next to me until I couldn't fake any longer, so I just hung up the phone and turned my head to look up at him trying not to show my hesitance, he was looking at me with a smirk.

"Good phone call?" he said still smirking, and confusing me a little.

"Ya i-i .. I had a shipment coming in, ya that was it, I was just checking up on the delivery time" I stammered as an excuse.

He chuckled "aha ya that must have been quite important, anyway listen can you come out for coffee with me?"

"NO" I said quickly without thinking but he didn't seem to be phased by my outburst, like he was expecting it. " I mean I can't leave the library, Leah left to go back to college and I have to stay here, but you have fun" I said quickly trying to escape him as fast as I could.

"okay well maybe another time then, but Bella we really need to talk," he said looking a little wounded, then he walked to the door and just before stepping outside he turned around and said " oh and you might want to check your phone" he said smiling sadly then left without another word, when I picked up the phone it was disconnected, just my luck!

After that encounter I didn't see Edward for four days, he was giving me space of that I was sure, but he wasn't letting go, he still texted me a couple of times asking me how I was and how were things, trying to get a feel of my mood, but I never replied, I didn't know what to say, it wasn't what I wanted to do but I was in a bad place, I wanted to be with Edward but my fears were greater than me needs, I needed to tell him my decision, I owed him that much even if I break both our hearts doing it, my mind was made up and I needed to tell him sooner than later.

It was the weekend and my time was running out, I texted Edward a couple of minutes earlier asking him if he could meet me for coffee later, he said he would and we decided to meet an hour later at the café a couple of blocks away, with every step I took my heart grew heavier, when I walked in I spotted Edward right away, sitting at the table in the corner and looking worried, which did nothing to ease my anxiousness, I just had to do this and get it over with, I walked to the table keeping eye contact with him till I sat down, he has never looked more vulnerable and it was my fault.

"Hey" I said gently, and his reply was a simple nod.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring your texts lately, I didn't mean to, it's just …, i-i didn't know what to say." I said shakily

"And now you do?" he replied somberly.

"Not really, but I know I need to talk to you even if it's going to hurt us both" I whispered looking down at my fingers.

"Don't do this Bella" he said shakily, but I couldn't look at him.

"I need to do this, even though I know Its not the right choice, I just can't risk getting hurt again, I was broken into pieces, and I can't live through that again, I just can't go into something with you knowing what you're capable of doing, you shattered me without even being with me, can you imagine how it will be like if we were together Edward?, because I can and I never want to go through something even close to that again, I know that you've changed and I promise that I've forgiven you ,but I can't be with you, I just can't, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry " I said brokenly while tears fell freely from my anguished eyes.

It was quiet for a couple of seconds and then I felt the table shift and Edwards hands around me, but I couldn't have that, I couldn't have him touching me and being sweet to me, it was too much, I needed him to be cruel to me, I could handle that, I was used to it , but this was too much , I didn't deserve it, I tried to push his hands away but he wouldn't budge , he held me in a vice grip and wouldn't let me go, even after all I just said he was putting me before himself, how can i still doubt his motives, that's how much of a bad untrusting person I turned into these days.

"Look at me sweetheart" he whispered after my sobs subsided, and I did, I raised my head and looked at his sorrow filled eyes.

"You're right, and this is the right decision, please stop crying, I know I hurt you so much more than I can admit, but please please don't take this away before It even happens, please give us a chance, we could be amazing together, you just have to have a little faith, don't let the past stop you from living your future, just don't doom us before there even is an us, even if I have to wait a million years I will, but don't say no, I'd take a maybe but please not a never." He said gently while caressing my face, tears where glistening in his eyes, but my own tears where streaming down my face non-stop that I couldn't be sure, I could give him this, at least I could offer him a chance in the future, and maybe time will change my mind, maybe this way I won't have any regrets and I might not be ruining what could have been something good.

I laid my forehead against his and breathed him in for a couple of seconds, and then I whispered the words that might or might not have saved me.

"Okay, maybe"

A/N:

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FFN

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