9TH September 2011 – I don't even know if I am on the real Earth anymore…

I have decided to keep a diary. If anything happens tomorrow like today, which is bound to happen considering where I am, I have to remember it.

But first, how I ended up here.

I have been sick for the past few days. Just a cold, nothing actually. I spent the last week off school and by the time it reached Saturday, I was bored. The good news though? I have no homework.

Or bad. Depending on how bored I get. Not a good thing.

I was just about to go to sleep when the room started spinning. The whole Dorothy in her tornado spinning effect. I landed in where ever I was with a thud.

That hurt.

I slowly stood up and checked to make sure that I had no broken anything. Nope, just bruises.

As you do, I started to look around at where ever I was. The hallway I had landed in was decorated with style, although some of it was slightly…odd. I hadn't taken my house with me and I hadn't landed on an evil witch, which meant I hadn't suddenly become Dorothy.

A woman rushed up the stairs. I stared at her and she stared at me. I felt a random urge to quote Skulduggery Pleasant. Which does happen often so I guess it isn't so random anymore.

'Don't mind her,' I started to say. 'She stares. That's what she does when she meets new people.

The woman now had her mouth open.

'Do I have something wrong with my face?' I asked her.

She just continued staring at me. I heard someone start to come up the stairs.

'You alright, Val?' a velvety voice with the best Irish accent I had ever heard, asked to woman standing opposite me with her mouth open attracting all types of flies.

I looked at her and raised one eyebrow.

'Val?' the voice asked again. I fell in love with the voice.

'You should answer him,' I said and nodded in the direction that the wonderful voice was coming from.

My Australian accent stood out sharply from everything else now.

'Awkward turtle!' I screamed and started running towards the stairs to find the owner of the voice.

Suddenly it hit me.

I mean it. I face-planted it with an over 6 foot high person. I stumbled backwards and was about to fall when he leapt forward and caught me.

'Who are you and how the hell do you get here?'

'I don't know how I got here,' I said starting to recognise the man.

'What's your name?' asked the man with the lovely voice.

'What's yours?' I fired back.

'Detective Inspector Me. Now yours?' he said and watched my mouth drop open. Yep I knew who he was now!

'You are Detective Inspector Me?' I asked him in shock. It couldn't be, I had thought at the time.

'Yes. Have you heard of me?' he asked slightly shocked himself that I knew his name.

'You questioned Kenny. I don't believe that it's you.' I looked at the roof above me.

'This place has high roofs,' I randomly said.

'Riiighttt,' Val said and I glared at her. How dare she interrupt my thought process? It is a delicate thing!

'How do you know that?' she now asked trying to get back on track. I rolled my eyes. That never works with me.

'I also know that you have never had any patience,' I snapped back and gave a random grin (which was more like a smirk).

'Bananas!' I screamed and Valkyrie fell over backwards in shock.

'Works every time,' I told "Detective Inspector Me".

He just adjusted his hat slightly. It was sooooooo tempting!

I stole it and took off down the hall. Soon enough I was being chased by Valkyrie. I got a pretty good layout of the house in my head. Just by chance the last room in the house I went into was Gordon's old study. I raced inside, shut the door and lay down on the floor in the middle of the room. I am a swimmer NOT a runner. Never have been. As I lay on the floor, trying my hardest to get my breath back, my eyes caught sight of the book shelf. The blank book…

Just as Valkyrie managed to get the door open, I disappeared into the hidden room and came face to face with Gordon. The echo Gordon, but still, Gordon.

Valkyrie, being too smart for the greater good, managed to realise where I had gone and it didn't take too long before she appeared in the same room I was in.

I threw the hat across the room just as I was tackled to the ground.

'Who's this?' Gordon asked as I tried to kill the hat through my glares. I felt myself being handcuffed (those didn't last long before they were taken off again), and I decided to ignore it. As soon as the pressure was released from my back I leapt across the room, through Gordon, poor guy… ghost… whatever he is, and grabbed the hat.

Skulduggery, opps, Detective Inspector Me chose the moment to walk in the door. He raised an eyebrow at me and it wasn't until then that I realised how fake looking his façade really was.

In desperation, I held the hat out the window in an unspoken yet obvious, threat.

'I'll drop it if any of you come any closer,' I growled, hoping to sound fierce but I just ended up giggling afterwards.

'Banana!' I shrieked again which turned into a scream as Fletcher appeared. And believe me, it wasn't a fan girl scream, it was the opposite.

'And what is the opposite, by the way?' I said out loud wondering. Skuldu- Detective Me took his hat back. What else could I do at the time? Fletcher was sucking Valkyrie's face off and me, being the totally unswayable Valduggery fan (even though it was slightly weird), nearly threw up at the sight of it. But the real funny thing was the Inspector Me looked disgusted as well.

I started laughing. Valkyrie and Fletcher stopped sucking each others face off and looked at me.

'Your hair,' I said.

'What?' Fletcher asked me.

'It's distracting. I thought someone should tell you. You can leave now,' I said straight faced as soon as I started a conversation with him.

'What's your name?' he asked me. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

'Don't have one,' I replied successfully acting adrift from the whole thing.

'You weren't given one when you were born?' Detective Me asked.

'I was.'

'Then what is it?'

'I prefer not being able to be controlled thank you very much,' I said and started pulling all the pins out of my hair from where it had been in a bun.

Fifty-three pins later and my hair was finally free of its bindings and tumbled down my back in wet golden locks.

'All this magic and it's still wet!' I cried out in frustration.

A loud thud, simular to my own personal thud that occurred when I arrived here, echoed through the house.

Val swore and the three of them left me alone with Gordon.

'So you don't have a taken name yet?' he asked in his Irish accent.

'No,' I answered back. My Australian accent really sounded out of place. Even Fletcher had a cooler accent than me! Fletcher of all people! Fletcher!

'Are you going to take one?' Gordon asked me and I pondered the thought for a while.

'Yes. Vintage Sketch,' I told him and he nodded.

'A sensible name, like Valkyrie's. Do you know the history behind Valkyrie's name?' he asked and I nodded yes.

'Warrior women who guide the souls of the dead off the battlefield. Viking,' I said showing off my knowledge off history and ability to bring Skulduggery Pleasant quotes into the conversations all at once.

'I'm surprised. Not many people know where it is from. Well done,' he complimented and I gave a smile and a quick nod of the head in thanks.

'It seems like the others are in need of my special powers. Live long and remain ugly,' I said and walked out the door. It was only until I was outside the door that I realised what I had just done.

I had told a dead man's ghost-ish thing to live a long and ugly life. Go me!

I reached the spot where everyone was gathered and leaned into the small circle they had made and started talking in a stage whisper.

'What are we looking at?' I whispered and I saw Fletcher jump while Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

A whispered conversation happened which I payed no attention to until I looked at the object we were staring at.

'Why are we watching my handbag like it is going to randomly jump up and scream bloody murder?' I asked talking normally.

'This is yours?' Val asked sounding slightly awed.

'Yeah, why?' I replied, starting to get suspicious.

'What on earth do you have in it?' she asked still sounding awed. I must be that type of person.

'Your face!' I screamed in her ear (she was standing next to me after all), grabbed my bag and ran down the stairs which I tripped on and face-planted again.

'You alright?' Mr Me called.

'Yes! I am just saying a close hello to the floor!' I yelled back and got up again. More bruises to add to the collection I just started today.

I started ratting through my handbag. When Val had asked what was in there I had said the first thing that came to mind. I seriously don't know what was in it.

The first Skulduggery Pleasant Book

The Trickster's Queen book

My phone (that's a first)

Needed make up

House keys

Address book

Minties

Hairbrush

Off cuts of fabrics

Jewellery

Who ever managed to send this to me gave me everything I needed. They even stocked up my minties for me!

Now I need to find this person and hail them.

'Val, are you going back to your house tonight or are you staying here. One of us needs to stay with the nutcase,' I heard Me say. Wow, that sounded weird.

I could hear her replying but I couldn't actually make out the words. But it wasn't long before the sexy, velvety voice of Me's was talking again.

'Sure,' was the one word said and both of them came down the stairs and stopped suddenly.

I was lying on the ground staring at the roof.

'Do you have a book I could use?' I asked neither of them in particular.

'In what sense?' Me asked.

'Something I can write in. I kept a journal at home with me normally,' I said and studied the roof even harder.

'You know if you lay on the second floor, just past the stairs, you can get a closer look at the roof,' Me said whilst Valkyrie went off to get what I had asked her.

'But I have seen it from there already,' I protested. 'Also, you will be pleased to know that I have decided to take you calling me a nut case as a compliment,' I informed him.

'Of course,' he almost purred and I am sure that I died. That voice! Not fair!

Valkyrie disappeared a little while later and I was shown to my new quarters for the moment. I walked in, sat on the bed and started to write this all.

As for Mr Me (hehehaha), I know he is Skulduggery Pleasant. I just want to make sure that if he reads this, he won't know I know. Oh dam.

Now he will.

Live Long And Remain Ugly

The newly named Vintage Sketch