10TH September 2011 – Still haven't solved the mystery of where I am.

I woke up and started my daily morning stretches. Weird I know, but I had nothing better to do. After I finished these I inspected the roof in my room.

Nothing special looking.

A slight tap sounded on the door.

'Go away! I am watching the roof to see if it moves!' I yelled.

'Are you decent?' the velvet voice asked through the door.

'Yes!' I called and watched the roof still. 'It moved!' I yelled suddenly as Me walked into the room.

'What moved?' he asked.

'The roof! It is a magical breathing roof!' I said and Me looked up at it.

'I don't see it moving,' he said.

'That's because you're gay!' I said. High school threats work a treat.

My phone randomly buzzed and I jumped about a mile. Skulduggery looked at it with a scared expression on his face. The tone for messages was the same one as Kim Possible's.

I glanced at the phone and dismissed it as unimportant. The roof moving was more important at this time! Skulduggery however didn't.

'Who was that?' he asked.

'Don't know, don't care, hope not, so there,' I replied. Even primary school comebacks work over here!

'Who's Stella?' he asked yet another question. Couldn't he see that I had more important things to do? Like staring at a roof!

'A person,' I said.

The next thing that happened seemed to happen all at once. I leapt out off the bed, grabbed my phone and ended up sitting on the bed again. Somehow…

Where are you? She had sent me.

In Ireland I think, I sent back.

'Bananas!' I shreiked and took off down the hall only to find an invisible barrier blocking me.

'No fair!' I called out to Skulduggery.

'What isn't? It's not me?' he said, a slight smile gracing his face.

'Fewmets!' I replied.

'What is that?' he asked.

'A term from another book,' I replied and shrugged my shoulders. 'You should read more.'

'Well you're doing all that heroic detective stuff so often. I think you should take a holiday. Least you become Lord Vile again.

'What?' he asked in amazement and I took my chance while he was distracted. I took off down the stairs. This time though, I didn't try and run down them I just slid down the banister.

'Tanith! Hold the door!' he called out just as I jumped off and made a run for the door. I stopped in front of it.

'Au revoir!' I called, turned on my heal and ran into Tanith.

Dam her to the darkest corner of hell.

'Who are you?' she asked.

'Vintage Sketch, enchanté,' I said stood back slightly and bowed.

'Finally!' Skulduggery called. 'A name to identify the nutcase by!'

'Why is he calling you a nut case?' Tanith asked.

'Well…' I started to say but was rudely interrupted by Skulduggery.

'Don't talk to her! I think her magic is adept,' he said.

'What type?' asked Tanith.

'Wouldn't you want to know,' I told her. 'Now if you excuse me, I am going to be leaving now.'

Bewildered Tanith stood aside.

'No!' Skulduggery called out and made another wall to stop me.

''Sup with all the walls?' I said and sat down where I was. Before they got even a word in though I started talking again.

'But for figments of my imagination, such as yourself, it's quite tough,' I said.

Tanith just stood there staring at me.

'What the hell?' she asked dazed.

I smiled and started going through my handbag again.

'While you are all trying to figure out what magic I have and stare at me, I am going to read,' I said and pulled out the SP book. The perfect timing my Stella has always possessed, my phone chose that moment to buzz.

How did you get there? Everyone here is looking for u she said.

Be blowed if I knew , I sent back.

Cool. Wait. Who is with you?

A certain skeleton detective.

Who?

Skulman. Who else?

How? What? Why?

Call you later. They stopped talking.

I looked up.

'Yeah?' I asked them.

'Move into the kitchen?' Skulduggery offered.

'Bananas!' I screamed and cart wheeled my way to the kitchen.

'Sit,' Skulduggery said and I was pushed down into one of the chairs.

'Sitting,' I replied happily and kicked him as I got onto a safer spot on the chair. I looked at Tanith and she seemed to be judging me. Creepy!

'What is your name?' Skulduggery asked me.

'Taken or given or true. But then I am not going to tell you my given or true so you might save yourself breath,' I said and started going through the songs on my phone.

'Taken,' he said.

'Vintage Sketch. Master distracter,' I muttered. 'What songs do I have on here? Seriously? Single ladies chipmonk-en-ised?' I said and put it on. 'I feel like this interrogation needs some backing music, don't you believe?'

'No,' muttered Skulduggery.

'Yes,' said Tanith brightly.

'How did you get here?' asked Skulduggery.

'Well. I was about to go to sleep when I ended up in your hall way. Tell me, do you have anything to eat?' I asked.

'Uhh, yeah. Tanith,' Skulduggery said.

'Why is it always me who has to get our prisoner food?' she asked the sky.

'You know asking the sky things never works. Austen Powers!' I screamed and ran from the room. I decided to go and have another conversation with echo Gordon. He seemed to be the only person who I could actually really talk to.

I ran up the stairs only to come face to face with Val kissing Fletcher.

'Eww!' I screamed. They turned to look at me. Gosh. You know Val's only like 16?

'Flying elephants!' I yelled as I can down the corridor. Another random cart wheel.

I reached Gordon's study and went inside. Trying to sound as Val like as I possibly could (which failed I will tell you now), and went inside the secret room.

'What can you tell me about Skulduggery Pleasant?' I asked.

'Nice skeleton. Has a huge ego – wait, your not Valkyrie,' he said watching me.

'No. Do you really think I was her? no time to answer. Skulduggery has a bomb and he is threatening to let it off. He has Valkyrie in a choke hold and has his gun at her head. What do I do?' I asked him, pretending to panic. This was sure to go down well.

'What? Why? He doesn't seem like the person to do this,' Gordon said.

'Yeah, well he just snapped. I don't know. Help me!' I was starting to really get into this. It could end up really funny.

'I don't believe you,' Gordon said narrowing his eyes.

'And why should you? But believe me, he did have her,' I said and hoped to whatever god was out there that Valkyrie or anyone else for that fact, didn't suddenly walk in.

'Skulduggery!' Valkyrie's voice came up through the floor. Echo Gordon turned pale.

'I believe you,' he said. 'Here, this is all I have gathered about Skulduggery. This information if with and without his approval so don't let him get his hands on it!' he said. I grabbed the folder and took a quick look inside. The opening page looked oddly like the profile on Derek Landy's website. Creepy. Really creepy.

I took the stairs down three at a time and walked into the kitchen. Skulduggery was just finishing up tickling Valkyrie and then he helped her up from the ground. Tanith was looking at them amused and Fletcher was raiding the fridge. I helped him at it.

By the end of five minutes, I had gotten to know Fletch (he told me to call him that, how cool!) and we had put together a pretty good breakfast of ice cream and pancakes from yesterday.

'I would have never have thought of this,' he said as he looked at it in wonder. 'It looks brilliant.'

'That's what you get when you raid a fridge with me around,' I said laughing. We set ourselves up at the table and I opened the file to start reading. There were some really interesting things in here!

"And he has a huge ego, I should warn all who read this. Huge. There is no way that anyone could every try and catch up to it", the page I was reading said.

The things in here….

Imagine what I could get up to.

I looked up to see what everyone else was doing. Val and Skulduggery were talking about the latest case, Tanith was cleaning her sword and Fletch was getting his fourth serving of breakfast.

I walked over to the closet and ratted around. Yep, she had them. I had found what I needed.

It was a sandwich bag that had a water proof seal.

I blew it up, laid it on the table, took a great big breath and slammed my hands on it. A loud bag went off.

Val and Skulduggery both swore and jumped up out of their skins. Tanith jumped out of her seat and held her sword in her hands, Skulduggery pulled out his gun come up and Val pulled shadows up as well as making a flame appear in her hand.

'Brilliant!' I said. 'Now I know that you all are sorcerers at heart!' I blew them a kiss and looked up at the roof. The one in the kitchen was quite low and I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

I forgot to mention what Fletch did. He teleported to the other side of the room, making sure that he was behind all the others as he did so.

'Scaredy cat!' I called to him and suddenly he was beside me.

'I think I can still whoop your ase though,' he said and I smiled and nodded my head, acting all serious like.

'True, true. But I am still better,' I said.

Have to go now. Skulduggery has just found out about the trick I played on him. It was only a matter of time.

(A/N )

I would like to thank Holly Swift for being my inspiration in the SP Fanfiction range and to for adding this story to their story alerts list.

My first SP story. :)

I found out today that one of my friends died on Friday and I don't really feel in the mood to update this as it is fun but my friend has died.

My camera club will sorely miss her jokes, running skills, an invaluable member and of course, her photography.

R.I.P Jen Keys

Alyss Mainwaring

(A/N)