Notes: I have been digging myself out a pile of homework in the month that I haven't updated :(

(ICHIGO)

11:35 pm

All the colour drained from Rukia's face when Mister Back Model over there began to saunter in our direction.

She turned to me with a look of dread stitched in her features. Her bright eyes seemed distant.

Before I could ask any questions, Rukia extended her arms out and brought my head towards her face. It was almost painful when she suddenly pressed her lips onto my mouth. Her teeth knocked into mine, and they scraped the skin of my gums. It took me a second to register that the Rukia was kissing me. Hard. That is, if you could even call this collision of and flesh and bone 'kissing'. The taste of copper seeped onto my tongue, but I instinctively parted my mouth anyway. Nimble fingers threaded through my hair before settling on the nape of my neck.

I firmly believed that there was romantic connotation attached to kissing. It was too damn intimate and personal to share with just anyone. I mean, there were emotions involved.

So sex? Sure. But kissing? I tried to avoid it if I wasn't into the girl.

Clearly, there was nothing romantic about the way she fiercely moved her lips with mine. The kiss seemed almost desperate, like she was hungry for something. And that 'something' definitely wasn't me.

I didn't know how I was supposed to react to this.

And it sucked because I realized that I really liked kissing her. I didn't like her, but the kissing I could do more of.

Which was a really bad thing to want.

My lips felt bruised when she finally pulled away. I stared at the rise and fall of her collar bone while she panted. Anguish lingered in her eyes as she trailed a gaze down my face.

I searched her expression for answers, but she looked frozen.

Her already-white skin appeared paler than before.

Rukia closed her eyes tightly. Her hands were now gripping the ledge of the counter so hard that I was afraid her fingers would snap right off. What the hell had gotten into her?

Her eyebrows creased as she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" She wedged her fingers into her hair.

Jesus, she looked scared. That man was in her line of vision, and she was absolutely shaken.

So it was him. He was the reason why she was acting so god damn weird.

Man, just how many guys has Rukia been involved with anyway?

(RUKIA)

11:34 pm

I was still used to feeling my breath hitch at the sight of Kaien. Even after an entire year of not seeing his face, he still had the same effect on me.

So my chest heaved.

Kaien looked exactly the same as he did since the last time I saw him. Same height, same dark lashes, same seafoam green eyes.

I clutched the skirt of my kimono slip nervously while biting down on my lips. This wasn't how my reunion with him was supposed to go. I imagined us to be much older. Old enough so that he wouldn't view me as a little kid anymore. Mature enough so he would really look at me. See me for the femme fatale I could be, and not the skinny girl with the scars all over her body.

I traced a running scab on my arm and swallowed. But he was still more beautiful than me, and the thumping of my heart clearly showed that I hadn't grown up yet, not one bit. I was still foolishly in love with Kaien Shiba.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I mentally scolded myself for allowing my train of thought to fall so quickly back into how it used to be. Blush would stain my cheeks at the commanding air of his presence. My stomach would begin to hurt, though it was usually nothing more than a dull churning.

And the butterflies.

They fluttered incessantly within my ribcage. I began to panic as Kaien came closer to where Ichigo and I were sitting. I couldn't risk having him recognize me. I didn't know if I could allow my heart to bleed for him again. So without a second thought, I slid my hands into Ichigo's hair and crushed my mouth over his to conceal my face.

If anything, the kiss hurt. His incisors bit down on my lip by accident, and he probably tore some skin off too. But what surprised me was that he didn't jerk backwards the moment I grabbed him. Instead, he leaned into me. When I felt the warm pressure of his lips, I immediately tore away from him in surprise. My face flushed in embarrassment.

He wouldn't- shouldn't be kissing me back. I couldn't take how much he looked like Kaien.

And even though I was afraid of being spotted, a little part of me couldn't help but want Kaien to see me with Ichigo. But then I instantly felt silly for thinking this, because it's not like he would feel jealous. He had a wife for God's sake, and she was radiant.

The first time I met Miyako Shiba, I thought that she was the closest you could get to being an angel. I couldn't even feel bitter about how she won Kaien's heart first because she was so warm. Admittedly, I used to want to be her. I remember how I would steal ribbons from Yoruichi's dresser, then practice putting my hair up like Miyako's in the mirror. I could never achieve the same look. My hair wasn't long and sleek like hers, it flipped out wildly at the ends. I got so sick of my hair that I eventually chopped off most of the length. Now it grazed just below my chin.

I clinched my eyes shut and started to count things in my head. His footsteps, the drum of Ichigo's fingers, my heartbeat.

When I felt beads of perspiration drip from my forehead, I quickly removed Ichigo's sweater. Why was it so uncomfortably hot in here?

Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed an abandoned shot glass on the table to down its contents. Right away, I felt the burning sensation of the strong liquid coat my throat. I immediately began to cough when my body rejected the poison. I crossed my arms over my stomach as I hacked violently. People were starting to stare.

Ichigo shot me an irritated look. "Are you stupid? You can't just go and drink from someone else's glass! It could've been drugged for all we know!" he scolded testily. He gripped onto my shoulders to steady me.

"Shut up," I managed to choke out as I wiped my mouth. When I looked up, I could see Kaien staring at me from where he was standing.

I didn't want to stay to see if he realized it was me.

I quickly jumped off from my stool and gripped Ichigo's wrist.

"Hey what are you doing?" he cried out as I dragged him through the throng of people. I headed towards the washrooms and yanked open one of the doors. "Wait- I can't go in there!"

Three girls turned around and gave us startled looks. They each clutched some sort of cosmetic palette in their hands. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth. "This is an emergency washroom inspection, I repeat emergency. You can pamper yourselves elsewhere, so all three of you- yes you too- are required to leave. Now!" I shouted. They all simultaneously glanced at Ichigo, then back at me, but this time with a sneer on their faces.

Yeah well, screw you too.

The girls seemed annoyed, but they shuffled out accordingly, checking Ichigo out in the process. I rolled my eyes at this.

He jerked away from me as soon as I closed the door. "First you assault my face, then you drag me into the girls' washroom. So what's next? Murder?"

I scoffed at him in disbelief. "Excuse me? Assault your face? You would've shoved your slimy tongue in my mouth if I didn't pull away first!" I retorted hotly.

Ichigo gawked at me and began to sputter. "Wha- no- you- you're delusional!" A hint of red tinged his ears. "What was that all about anyway?"

I let out a sigh. What was I supposed to tell him? He wouldn't believe me if I said that I had a sudden, overwhelming desire to kiss him, because first of all, no. And second of all, I wouldn't want him to believe something so absurd anyway.

I looked away from him. "I needed to hide my face, okay?" I mumbled.

Why oh why did I have to tell him the truth?

He furrowed his eyebrows. "And my mouth just happened to be the most convenient tool around for that?" His lips twitched.

I glared daggers at him. "Why are you being so touchy? It was just kiss. Jeez." I crossed my arms and sat down in one of the chairs.

"I'm not," Ichigo exclaimed sharply. He quickly swallowed and straightened his posture. "I mean- you almost knocked my fucking teeth out."

I narrowed my eyes, but didn't say anything. I was too emotionally drained to bicker with him right now. And I really, really didn't want to have a nervous breakdown, especially not in front of Ichigo.

So a brief silence settled between us. He slouched his body to lean against the sink counters.

I knew he was staring at me, but I kept my eyes glued on the tiled floors. "You don't have to stay you know," I said softly. I dug my fingernails into my flesh.

I saw the scowl break on his face from my peripheral vision. "I'm not gonna just leave, you idiot. Not when you're like this." His arms folded over his chest. He cocked his head to peer at me.

I still refused to meet his gaze.

"It's that Kaien guy…isn't it?"

My eyes widened at the sound of his name. I twisted my neck to face him. "How did you-"

"I heard you whisper it back at the bar." He waved his hand dismissively. "So why are you running from him?"

Because I've humiliated myself one too many times.

I shook my head. "I'm serious, go home- or back to the tower, or whatever," I muttered. I finally released my fingernails from my skin. Red, crescent marks were now imprinted on both of my arms.

Ichigo immediately scoffed at this.

"Go away," I seethed.

"Like hell I'll let you boss me around." He took several steps towards where I was sitting and angled towards me. "Stop it."

I blinked. "Stop what?"

"Stop being so God damn stubborn and just tell me why you're all gloomy and shit." He released a long sigh. "You're not okay."

My heart was about to leap out of my throat, but I couldn't let Ichigo know what I did- or rather, didn't do. He would think I was a disgusting excuse for a human being. I thought I was a disgusting excuse for a human being.

His eyes bored into mine. They were heavy and warm.

"He used to…" I fumbled over my words, racking my brain for something to say. "He used to stalk me," I finally mumbled.

I mentally slapped myself for telling such a lie, but it was too late to correct myself now.

Ichigo frowned and stood up straight. "As in, he would follow you around?"

Kaien had been my mentor for martial arts among other things, but sometimes Byakuya would ask him to act as a bodyguard. So yes, he did follow me around occasionally…

As long as I could stay away from Kaien tonight, I didn't think it mattered whether Ichigo thought he was a decent person or not.

I swallowed. "Uh huh…it got to the point where he'd always hang outside my window and wait until I left the house," I said in a drawn out tone. This was technically the truth too, because Kaien did wait in the courtyard for me to go for walks some mornings…

Ichigo didn't seem the least bit surprised though. "Huh. I kind of figured that there would be pathetic creeps who preyed on you, I mean, you're the prin-"

"For the last time, I'm not royalty! So stop referring to me as 'princess'!" I snapped moodily.

"Well you're a royal pain in the ass, I'll tell you that," he muttered under his breath.

"Why you-"

"You can't just stay in here forever you know," he cut in abruptly.

That's exactly what I was planning to do.

I stood up. "Why not? There's water…soap…a toilet…" I began to pace around nervously.

"Rukia." I felt his hand clasp around my wrist to stop me from fidgeting. I looked up at him. "What exactly did this guy do to you?" he asked cautiously.

His grasp on me tightened when I couldn't find the words to say. I took a deep breath. "He…he tried to hurt me." My voice was almost a whisper. "I mean, he did hurt me."

The last part was true enough, though not in a physical sense.

Ichigo fixed an intense stare on me. "Is that what all these marks are?" His gaze shifted to my exposed forearms. I hadn't realized that my sleeves had slipped down to my elbows.

I looked down at my skin. There were multiple discoloured bruises and scars all over my body because of the training I did with Byakuya. My brother firmly believed that any self-respecting human should know how to defend him or herself. And now that Kaien was gone, I was forced to train with my brother on a regular basis instead. He never let me forget just how much stronger he was.

Without even waiting for a response, Ichigo yanked my arm and began to pull me out through the doorway. "Hey, let go of me you jerk!" I cried out. I struggled to free myself. "What do you think you're doing?"

He didn't listen to me. "Would you just shut up? If that asshole actually spotted you, we're gonna get out of here- now," Ichigo said with alarming sincerity. I didn't have the strength to fight him anymore, so I finally gave him a meek nod and allowed him to lead us through the crowd of minglers.

My body brushed up against clammy bodies and beer stained fabric as we made our way through the room. The pungent stench of sweat and alcohol seemed a lot stronger than before.

In a matter of minutes, we finally stumbled upon the back door that had been obscured by a group of people. Ichigo swung it wide open and let me exit first. I immediately felt the nipping wind bite my skin once I stepped outside, especially since I left his sweater back at the bar table. I couldn't fathom how Ichigo could still be standing in that flimsy tee shirt of his.

The door closed behind us and made a dull thudding sound. We appeared to be in an eerie alleyway- as if being in the dark wasn't scary enough.

"Come on," Ichigo snapped impatiently. He was already a couple feet in front of me. I scrambled to catch up with him.

It wasn't too bad once we got to the sidewalk. Streetlamps and blinking traffic lights lit up the roads, but I wasn't familiar with our surroundings at all. Ichigo was the first to stop walking.

"Any idea what time it is?" he asked in a rushed manner. He rubbed his hands together to generate heat. The mist of his breath was visible in the air.

I shook my head. "Haven't got a clue." I looked around for some sort of clock, but of course there were none. I finally made a gesture towards the man getting in his car. "Maybe we can ask that guy over there- " I began to jog towards the boy. "Hey! Do you know what ti-"

I immediately froze in my tracks when he turned around. I felt my throat close up as heat crept up my cheeks.

Same height, same dark lashes, same seafoam green eyes.

Shit.

Kaien took a couple strides towards me. "Ru…kia?" He craned his neck to get a better look. "I thought it was you inside that place! I haven't seen you since- " He suddenly paused and swallowed the rest of his words.

My hand raised to tuck a loose strand behind my ear, but before I could even give a proper response, Ichigo was suddenly standing in front of me with his shoulders squared in a protective stance.

Fuckitty fuck fuck. This was not good.

I quickly reached out. "Wait Ichigo-"

"You know, you have a lot of nerve for even breathing the same air as Rukia after how you treated her," Ichigo seethed.

Kaien's face contorted into a look of bewilderment. "Excuse me?" A frown settled on his face.

I was now using both hands to pull at Ichigo's arm, but he easily shook me off. "Ichigo please, just listen to me- Ichigo!" I cried out desperately.

He finally twisted his neck to respond. "Let me handle this," he said in a hushed tone. He resumed his glare at Kaien. "What kind of sick bastard finds pleasure in harming innocent girls? Now leave if you don't want any trouble."

Kaien tilted his head to look at me. "Rukia, what is this guy going on abo-"

"She doesn't want to talk to you, you jackass!" Ichigo snarled venomously. He shoved Kaien in the shoulder.

"Stop!" I screamed as Kaien stumbled backwards.

"Hey what's your problem?" he glowered at Ichigo. Kaien took staggered steps to regain to his balance.

"Don't give me that bullshit. Rukia could hardly even move when she saw your filthy face," Ichigo hissed as he jabbed a finger to Kaien's collarbone.

Kaien raised his hand to shove Ichigo back in annoyance. "Look mister, I'd appreciate it if you'd just step back and tell me what all this is about," he scowled sharply. I quickly pressed my palms against Ichigo's shoulder blades to steady him from behind.

Ichigo grabbed my arm and shoved the sleeve up. "It's about these," he spat out contemptuously.

Kaien's eyes were transfixed on the welts I had. "Rukia…" He extended his hand to gingerly graze a bruise. "…did I give these to you?"

I pulled my arm back and held it against my chest. "No-"

"Get your hands off of her!" Ichigo growled. My eyes widened when he drew his fist back.

"No!" I shrieked instictively. I pushed Ichigo aside and wrapped my arms around Kaien tightly. "Don't hurt him. You can't," I choked out in a whimper. I pressed my face up against the familiar scent of grass and musk.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard Ichigo exclaim incredulously.

Kaien, though a little startled, placed his hand over my head. "Hey…what's wrong?" he asked softly. I willed myself not to cry when I realized how brotherly and kind he still was. I tore away from him and turned around to face Ichigo.

His face was red with chagrin. "What's going on?"

I fingered the hem of my sleeve as I stared at his hands. "Could you…give us a moment?" I breathed out.

"But I thought that-"

"Please," I shot him a pleading look.

Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but whatever he wanted to say didn't come out. "Fine," he said through clenched teeth. And with that, he bent his knees to sit down on the edge of the curb.

I guided Kaien to the alleyway and used an empty crate as a chair. I blew at my bangs in exasperation.

"Who is that guy and why does he seem to hate my guts?" he asked as he glanced at the street. His expression was wry.

"Because I told him that you were…a stalker." There was no point in lying now.

I waited for Kaien to burst out in anger, or something, but all he did was laugh. I looked up at his amused expression.

"After all those years of being your beloved Sensei, that's what I've been credited as? Come on Rukia, don't I deserve a title a little less sinister? Like maybe captain or something?" he chuckled. "Why would you tell him that?"

I felt my face flush. "I don't know…I guess I wanted to avoid this," I said uneasily.

Kaien crossed his arms. "What's this?"

I sighed. "It's..." I refused to make eye contact with him as I fiddled with my skirt. "...us. Don't you- don't you hate me?"

He raised one eyebrow. "Remind me why I hate you again…?"

I couldn't stand how he could be so calm while my insides were racking with nerves. "You lost your job because of me!" I exclaimed in an exasperated manner.

Kaien put his index finger on his chin. "Oh right…"

My chest constricted, feeling the shame I felt from that night all over again. "I don't blame you if you do," I whispered. I folded my hands over my lap.

He blinked several times before speaking. "Okay then. Are you ready to atone for your actions?"

Actions. Everything was so familiar, and the look in his eyes made me feel like my heart was being compressed. Something choked my insides.

Kaien still spoke in that same blunt tone. It seemed almost surreal that he was standing right there.

He could shatter me so easily.

Kaien began to tighten his hand into a fist. He clamped his other one over it. My stomach felt queasy when I realized that he was really going to hit me.

"Yes," I said, trying to hide the waver in my voice. I told myself that this was different from when we used to spar.

"Close your eyes," he ordered firmly. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the pain of a direct blow. My toes curled in anticipation. Seconds passed but it still didn't co-

"Ow!" I yelped when I felt a sharp sting on my forehead.

I opened my eyes to see Kaien's hand lingering in front of my face. I brought my fingers up to rub the spot where he had flicked me.

"Kaien!" I squawked angrily.

He casually cracked his knuckles and rolled his eyes at me. "Come on Rukia! You've got to learn to let that stuff go!" There was a smug smile on his face. "Because I have, kiddo."

I gaped at him, unable to form any coherent words. His teasing tone made me so mad, even more so because he called me "kiddo", but I couldn't deny the feeling of relief that washed over me.

He squinted at me. "Hey what's with that look? I was never angry with you. Not once. So don't sweat about it," he scoffed.

I focused my gaze on the ground. "But you didn't say goodbye to me the night you left the house…" I said softly.

Kaien scratched the back of his neck. "Byakuya wouldn't let me anywhere near you." He leaned his back against the wall.

Right. Of course.

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

He pressed his hand onto my head again and ruffled my hair. It was a brotherly gesture, but I found some comfort in it. "I already told'ya that it was alright. So no more sad faces, okay?"

I didn't say anything.

"Okay?" he lightly pushed my forehead.

I nodded weakly as he lifted his hand. He grinned at me. "And besides, I don't think Byakuya was too fond of me to begin with. We just never got along, you know?"

I understood how that felt. I watched Kaien, and my throat tightened all over again. Why couldn't I shake these feelings?

He bent over to peer at my arms again. "Rukia…tell me where you got these marks from."

I was quiet for a moment. Kaien looked at me expectantly.

I plastered a smile on my face. "Oh they're nothing really! Just a few scratches from training with Nii-sama. I guess I need to train a bit harder," I piped up dismissively.

He frowned, keeping his eyes on my skin. "He really shouldn't be so hard on you."

"It's okay, they don't even hurt."

But this does.

There was something that I was a little afraid to ask, but the question had been tugging at my mind since the moment I saw him.

"How is…Lady Shiba?" I finally blurted out. A look of disdain immediately showed on his face once I spoke her name.

Kaien took some time to answer. "Miyako…passed away. Last autumn." He swallowed hard.

I clasped my hands over my mouth to suppress the gasp that was rising up my throat. "B-but how?" I couldn't believe this. Miyako was so perfect in every way, I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of her body being buried six feet under.

I thought back to how she used to sometimes come in my room and help me get ready. She'd tie my ribbons with her thin hands while softly humming a lullaby. It seemed unfair that someone so wholesome could just be gone like that.

He averted his eyes."In a car accident."

I was helpless to stop the pain he so clearly felt. My heart was breaking as I watched the sadness seep through his features.

"Do you…miss her?" I asked pathetically. I immediately wanted to kick myself for asking such a stupid question. What was I thinking?

Kaien sucked in a deep breath. "Every fucking day." His eyes got distant, and then he wasn't looking at me anymore.

And that was it. He loved her and I loved him and he would never love me that way. Not even if I grew out of this ugly duckling stage and turned into some beautiful swan- not ever. This realization ate me from the inside out.

Oh God, I just wanted to run. Run away from him, from everything. I was such a terrible person. Here I was, feeling jealous of his dead wife. I didn't deserve his kindness.

The cold pricked at my fingertips. I felt numb.

He let out a curt breath. "You should probably go back to your friend over there." Kaien held out his hand for me to grab. "I won't ask what you were doing at a bar in the middle of the night, but promise me that you'll stay safe."

I reluctantly grabbed his hand and pulled myself up.

His arm closed around my back to embrace me. I lifted my cheek to look up at him. I never wanted to let go, because I knew this was the last time we'd ever be this close again. I missed him so much. The smell of his sweat, the reassurance of his warmth. I was afraid that he'd feel the erratic beating of my heart. He quickly kissed my forehead and released me.

We sauntered back to where Ichigo was in silence. He was still sulking with his elbows propped on his knees. He twisted his head around when he heard our footsteps.

"Hi," I said to him.

"Hey…"

Kaien clasped a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. "Take care of her."

He walked out of my life for the second time.

This is old news, but I really hope that they renew the anime at some point...I miss seeing my favourite pair of characters bickering :( When Rukia had tears in her eyes in the last episode, I almost cried with her :'( KUBO NEEDS TO DRAW RUKIA MORE IN THE MANGA :O

Leave a review? :) I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, so please tell me what I can improve on! All will be clear in the next chapter.