11 September – I'm just going to say Ireland from now on.

I am going to pick up from where I left off yesterday.

Where was I?

Oh yeah…

Tanith glared at me and sat back down again. She continued cleaning her sword. The shadows in the room disappeared and Skulduggery sat back down and pretended like nothing had ever happened.

I shook my head and laughed silently. You do something like that; I am only going to try harder next time.

Fletcher teleported so that he was next to me again and resumed eating. How does he do that?

I stared at the table trying to think of what I could do.

Well the trick I played earlier was pretty good. But I have to come up with one to beat that.

Let's just skip time now as I spent until lunch working out what I was going to do, and by then I had a pretty good idea.

I was going to follow Skulduggery around on his cases.

We were sitting down for lunch and everything was just too quiet. Way too quiet for a person like me. I come from a family of six and nothing in my house is ever quiet in my family.

'Flying rabbits!' I screamed and got down from the table and ran into where the T.V. was located. I flipped through the channels. I didn't really know any of the news so I kept looking until I found one that was going on about what had just happened in Australia.

"And Julia Gillard had just stepped down from government. She has said that she wants to start a new life because her boyfriend Tim Mathieson proposed to her. This is unconfirmed however because an engagement ring is missing from her finger." The news reporter said. I missed her next sentence as I jumped for joy.

"There are rumors going around that the public hate for her was growing to an overwhelming level and she decided to step down before she caused riots in the streets." She finished off. It was turned off however by Skulduggery as he came into the room.

'Spoilt sport,' I muttered and turned to him. 'Yes?' I asked happily and pretended I hadn't really just said what I had. I knew he could hear and I knew that he was pretending that he didn't. Tanith however wasn't bothering with all of this.

I agree, she was mouthing behind Skulduggery's back and I waved my hand at her, wishing, not for the first time, that I really had elemental powers.

'I have organized a meeting with the Sanctuary tomorrow. They are going to see what they can do with you. Until then, I have the unfortunate task of keeping you amused. What do you want to do?' he asked.

'You're going to regret that,' I said. 'I want to use Tanith's sword.'

'No!' was the answering shriek I got back.

'Tanith,' Skulduggery started saying like he was talking to a little child.

'I'm not her career,' she said, trying to hold the sword as far away as she could.

'Yes but what else am I meant to do?' he asked.

'You could always go and buy me a foil,' I said trying to sneak it into the conversation.

Skulduggery and Tanith did that weird thing where they look at you then at each other smirking. Tanith pulled a face, grabbed Fletch's arm and whispered in his ear. He nodded and they vanished.

'Until they turn up again what do you want to do?' he asked. Listen to your voice, I thought. But no. that was not to be. Valduggery was meant to be.

'You can teach me magic,' I said.

'You might not have magic,' he sad back frowning.

'That's ok with me. It isn't really going to make a difference. I have to leave eventually anyway. You won't hear of me again after that. Maybe…' I said always the optimist.

'Come outside then. I need to find a comfortable place,' he said.

I was sat down on a rock and he sat down on one opposite me. Valkyrie sat on one slightly to his right, my left and glared at me.

'I can't do it until she stops that!' I said suddenly breaking both his and my concentration.

'Val, please?' Skulduggery sounded annoyed and tired. I feel honored.

While he wasn't watching I tried pushing at the paper clip and felt my eyes jump open as it moved and went down the front of Skulduggery's shirt.

Oh dam.

He leapt skywards and moved around as it worked its way down. I rolled on the floor and laughed my head off. A true rotflld moment.

Val too started rolling on the floor laughing. Eventually Tanith and Fletcher returned and were kind enough to join us rolling on the floor.

It took at least four tries for Skulduggery to get it out again and he did.

After about ten minutes of trying.

I still laughed on the floor though and every time I looked at one of the others we all started laughing again. It was about another ten minutes later when we stopped laughing and when I did I noticed tears of all our faces.

I glanced around and saw the carefully wrapped up foil. Next to it was another one and practice gear.

'What's the second set for?' I asked Tanith.

'Well, I know you know that I know how to use a sword. Well something you don't know is that I also know how to use a foil. Part of the basic training really,' she said and we both got dressed.

It was another five minutes by the time we were fully dress (she had gotten the electric equipment), and another five by the time was had set everything up.

'En guarde!' Skulduggery called. 'Fence!'

I suddenly darted forwards and was soon rewarded the first point. Skulduggery, who knew the basics of the sport, called time.

'Four, five. Winner to my right,' he said and we both took off our helmets and shook hands. It was a tad awkward as I am a left hander but she better get used to that.

'It has been a long time since I could be beaten by someone, but well done. I am amazed. You don't seem like a person to fight,' she huffed and I nodded and lay back down on the grass. That was the fastest battle I had seen in ages.

'Great!' I was barely heard above my own dying. I am so lucky that I was the person in my family to have missed inheriting the asthma. So lucky.

'Can you teach me how to fight with a sword?' I asked with big puppy dog eyes and she laughed.

'Sure. But those eyes don't work on you. Your eyes are more cunning like,' she said.

'Thank you,' I said. 'I think.'

She started teaching me.

'You're fast for a beginner,' she said. We were the only ones there anymore. Skul had gone off with Val to practice magic and Fletch had gone to where ever Fletchs go. Which I have no clue where it is by the way.

At least not yet I don't.

'Thank you. It must be the teacher. Any credit the student gets while still under guidance must go to the teacher,' I said.

'Break?' she offered a whole hour later than when we started.

'End?' I replied back noticing that dark was about to fall.

'Yep,' she said and be both moved to get the equipment. I could rain during the night you know. Very smart I am.

When we got inside I pulled open my book and started to write. I got halfway through when Skulduggery stormed down the stairs and stopped in front of me. He had a furious expression on his face. Or at least that's what I think he was trying to master. It didn't work to well on the façade. I don't think that's an expression he uses often funnily enough.

I quickly explained why I had to stop writing and looked up to meet his very furious eyes (ish). I couldn't help myself; I started laughing my head off.

'What has she done now?' asked Val coming into the room. I decided that it was going to be better if I placed my book down safely before standing up. I couldn't beat him fighting but I never backed down to a verbal war.

Unless I was losing…

This is often. But then again they are funny. Especially when you randomly start quoting books, which I plan to do.

'Why did you set me up?' he asked angry.

'As a wise old man said, "You have to be one of the good guys because there are way too many of the bad,' I said back with a straight face.

'How does that have to relate to anything at all?' he asked me. I smirked ever so slightly.

'I'd be a mad old hermit in a cave battling rock and saving the world from fungus, that's what I'd be doing,' I replied. The interview with "Skulduggery Pleasant" online was coming in handy right now. Although the real Skulduggery Pleasant's voice was much smoother and much more velvety sounding.

'What?' he asked yet another question although in this one it should be noted that he was almost screaming at me.

'Well, right, grand. Yes the whole skeleton thing, um, it really isn't as bad as it sounds you think,' I smirked.

Skulduggery was looking at me like he was going to blow a gasket any second now so I had to push him a little closer to falling off the cliff.

'For instance, I never put on weight for one thing.'

Oh what the hell. I was going to give him a shove.

'And I agree. You have grown into a well adjusted skeleton.'

Skulduggery cried out in frustration and stormed off.

For the rest of the night until they allowed me to go to bed, I was pounded with questions.

Next Day

I woke up and felt happy. Now was the time to scare the grand mage. Something I had always wanted to do.

I went down to the kitchen but no one else was there. I shrugged and cooked myself breakfast.

'Smells nice. What's on?' Fletcher asked as he appeared.

'I don't exactly know anymore. It started off as muffins but now…' I said looking at it with confusion. I gave up on the confusion after a while as it was a too difficult face to hold whilst looking at a still object and changed it to a glare.

'They still look like muffins,' he said. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows.

'Sort of,' he said afterwards and sat down at the kitchen island.

Just as Tanith walked in the door, still looking asleep, the oven went bing. I raced over, pulled out a fork and started gently pushing it into the closest muffin. I pulled it out again and it wasn't moist.

'Perfect,' I said and pulled them out. 'Now we have to wait for them to cool down slightly. I said and watched them as they deflated just that tiny bit.

'Cool enough,' I said and threw one over to Fletch and Tanith. Valkyrie walked in. Being in a good, mood I threw one to her as well.

'Brilliant. You need to stay here and become my chief,' Tanith said licking her fingers.

'Nope. I'd get bored,' I said. 'Flying Kangaroo!' And I left the room.

I got dressed into the clothes Val had brought over for the day (she was lending me some of hers until I could go out and get some), and walked down the stairs again.

Nothing really wasn't happening. Skulduggery hadn't turned up yet and Tanith was still too asleep to practice weaponry with me. My archery kit and the trampoline were back home, as well as my book collection.

I could read And the Darkness Rained Upon them, I thought and then dismissed the idea. Not my style of book.

Then I remembered that I still had the whole of yesterday to write about and some of today so here I am.

In the night

Today was interesting to say the least. I meet the grand mage and after only three minutes of speaking to me asked me what type of magic I practiced. I said none and he didn't look all too sure of that.

I introduced him to Fletcherie and Valduggery and was shared a good laugh together. Nice bloke. Took up the whole day though. By the end I was starving. We had take away for dinner. McDonalds here is better than Australia's. And they serve weird things! We got home late in the night and I am just quickly writing this right before I go to sleep. I need it to look good tomorrow anyway.

Skulduggery arrived only ten minutes after I finished writing in here. He woke me up from a really good dream! He ignored me for the rest of the journey and I was annoyed to find out that I had to sit in the back. Pity.

I kicked his seat gently every time we went around the corner and now he swears something is wrong with the car. He was surprised that no one else could feel it though. Don't worry. I kicked light enough that it didn't leave a mark.

Fletcher sat next to me and complained the whole way. I mean come on! How many times can one person complain about the same thing in a whole minute? Lots apparently.

I tried to drown him out by singing. Probably wasn't the best choice in song types to drown people out but that's what I felt like singing.

Took my trouble to a bar tonight
For another point of view
But there's nothing new
I'm missing you

Great song, great song. I really love that verse. When we finally arrived at the sanctuary I nearly died. What was I doing here? I was, am just a girl from a not too wealthy town in Sydney, NSW, Australia, Earth, Space, Milky Way, the Universe.

Enough sloppy stuff.

Because Ghastly is on the council of elders we didn't have the customary waiting period and we went straight in.

'This is the girl you are talking about?' Erskine asked.

'Yes. She is,' Skulduggery replied evenly.

'I don't see anything of what you were talking about Skulduggery,' he said.

'Give her a minute to get warmed up,' he said and I gave him a glare. The roof here was really high. Now there's a roof to be proud of.

'Hi Erskine. How are you today?' I asked him and stuck out my hand for him to shake it.

'Well thank you,' he said to me and then to Skulduggery, 'How does she know my name?' he asked him.

'I don't know. She knew one of my code names as well and who I interviewed using it. He got it right as well,' he said. I could tell that he was still annoyed with me. Oh well. All's fair in love and war.

'Still here!' I said and waved my hand in front of Erskine's face. 'Tu parlez francais?' I asked him.

'Ish. Yeah why?' he said back.

'Donno. Bored of English I guess,' I replied.

'Gaelic? I'm better at that,' he said.

'Nope.' I said.

'Comment ca va?' I asked him.

'Ca va bien merci. Et toi?' he asked.

'Pas toup Bien. Je suis en retarde,' I said.

'What to?' he asked.

'Don't know. I am always late. Guess I'll be late to my own funeral as they say. Did you know that the word funeral has the word "fun" in it? amazing what words have come up,' I said and continued not leaving him any space to talk.

'Do you know where we get most of the days of the week from? The Vikings of course. Wednesday comes from Woden's day, which is Odin's other name. Thursday comes from Thor, Friday comes from Frey. How fascinating? Have you seen Vantage point? Good movie. Lots of action, no plot at all though. It's really cool,' I took a breath and he but in.

'I see what you mean now Skulduggery. No. I have not seen that movie but I will go and watch it now as it sounds good and I didn't know all that fact about the Vikings. You are a really odd little girl aren't you? What magic do you study?' he said. I laughed in joy. Someone could follow me!

'I know I am. But that's what makes me fun. I don't do any magic,' I said. They didn't know that I just slipped another quote in there. Gosh. The ignorance of these people sometimes… most of the time actually.

'Actually, can I speak to you three alone?' I asked the three elders.

At his nod the rest of the people behind me left.

'Now why did you want us alone? But before you answer I need to tell you that I am highly trained in magic and Ghastly here is a very, very, good boxer,' he said leaning forward, tyring to intimidate me.

NOT WORKING JUST TO TELL YOU!

'This,' I said and showed them my phone. During the conversation earlier I had opened it to the worst Valduggery I could find. Now I held it up to the and Erskine reached out to touch it.

'Don't I suddenly said and jumped back, causing the others to jump back in shock. 'It is programmed to detonate if anyone appart from me touches it,' I said and fiddle around with it. I found the noises section and pressed a button so it beeped.

'Now you can look,' I said and gave it to them. Erskine read it first and started laughing. Ghastly took it next and read it then it was passed to the remaining person in the room. The child of the spider. (A/N Am I right?)

Once all three of them had read it and stopped laughing Skulduggery and the rest of them were called in.

'Is it true?' Erskine asked as he tried to hold back laughter. Ghastly decided not to help and started laughing. I however, was sitting in a chair all calm and quiet. Finally Erskine said the magic words.

'Are you and Valkyrie in love with each other?' he asked and I couldn't help myself. I started laughing too. Only at the looks on their faces! Tanith started giggling at she walked over to Ghastly to lean on for support.

After we had stopped laughing it was decided to get the Australian grand mage over to see what he/she could do and how I could be a part of that community.

The rest of the meeting included French, Valduggery, Ganith and maybe a little Fletch bashing but all together interesting.

I still think that Skulduggery hasn't forgiven me yet. Fun days! I am going to sleep now. I am tired and I need my beauty sleep.

And my make up…

Live Long and Remain Ugly

Vintage Sketch

A/N

Longest chapter for this story!

31 people read this story and only one person has reviewed. Please people. I am getting dispirited here. And that is a bad thing!

I did the amazing race today expect for cameras. It was fun. You have to run around and take photos of the things that they tell you to. But you don't know what it is beforehand.

The only thing missing was the person who had died recently. They are telling the rest of the club later.

My French is not too good…

Hopefully I will put up the link soon and you guys have to vote with it all. Please vote. I forgive if you don't review then. I will forgive you!

If anyone does bother reviewing can they tell me one weird animal?

And I the time that I have been writing this it has jumped up to 38. Thanks people. Thanks a lot.

Note the sarcasm.

Alyss Mainwaring