12 September 2011 – Still in Ireland

I woke up just as normal and sighed. It had all been a dream. I knew this. I would go back to school and tell everyone about the odd dream I had. People will laugh, I might elaborate just a touch (or maybe a lot) and we will all talk about kangaroo meat. I would go back to my boring day to day life.

It was only then that I realised that I had yet to open my eyes. I decided that this would help me go about my day and I did so.

Well it seemed like I was not going to school today. Or for a while on that fact.

I was still in Ireland.

Of all the places to be caught in, it had to be here. And they weren't even on a case!

Slowly I got out of bed, it was just one of those days, you know. I wasn't feeling up to it. Skulduggery didn't have a case on and I was stuck here without my book collection.

Getting dressed I thought about my plans for the day. The Australian Grand Mage was arriving today and I was going to see min/her/it (most likely and it) tomorrow, leaving today free.

Being me I wasn't bothered fencing and it was one of those days where reading wasn't worth it. The way I was going, I would run out of things to do in ten minutes, when I finished this list.

I walked back down the stairs and muttered a greeting to Val, who was looking altogether a lot happier than one was supposed to be at this hour of the morning.

Tanith walked in. Saved by her!

'Mornin'' she muttered and sat down at a bench.

'Late night?' I asked sweetly. It was too early in the morning to deal with my tricks as well. Best time of the day to play them in my opinion. Not that anyone asked or anything.

'Real,' she said and yawned again.

'How late?' I asked another question. Tanith glared at me to shut up and cook her breakfast. I didn't more and raised an eyebrow.

'Got back at 3. Now can you make me breakfast?' she asked.

'Nope,' I said and sat back down. Now would be the perfect time to scream something.

'Flying Kangaroos!' I screamed and watched as Tanith woke up and Val glared at me. I gave her a huge smile back.

As you do I decided to sing something. Now I don't have the best voice on earth so it gets really funny when I sing.

Just as I had taken a big breath and opened my mouth to start my phone went off.

What are you doing? Stella sent.

Singing.

Oh no. what?

Big Bang theme song. Full.

You know it?

Course I do. Nothing else to do when I was away from school for that whole week.

Someone help whoever is in the room with you.

Only Val and Tanith.

Don't kill them please. I actually like the books about them.

I will try.

Nothing would stop me now. I was going to start singing!

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!

"Since the dawn of man" is really not that long,
As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song.
A fraction of a second and the elements were made.
The bipeds stood up straight,
The dinosaurs all met their fate,
They tried to leap but they were late
And they all died (they froze their asses off)
The oceans and pangea
See ya wouldn't wanna be ya
Set in motion by the same big bang!

It all started with the big BANG!

It's expanding ever outward but one day
It will cause the stars to go the other way,
Collapsing ever inward, we won't be here, it wont be hurt
Our best and brightest figure that it'll make an even bigger bang!

Australopithecus would really have been sick of us
Debating out while here they're catching deer (we're catching viruses)
Religion or astronomy, Encarta, Deuteronomy
It all started with the big bang!

Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology
It all started with the big bang!
It all started with the big BANG!

The greatness of that song. Sung really fast it is just as funny.

'What was that?' Valkyrie said looking at me with worry.

'The fun of Big Bang theories,' I said. 'Hey Skulman,' I looked up to see him and said.

'Hey, Vinatage. I – ' he managed to get in before I screamed.

'He said my name!' I yelled. I gave it about ten minutes then sat back down quietly again. 'What?' I asked him.

'What what?' he said.

'I don't know,' I said. 'Do you know what Skulduggery means?' I asked him.

'Yes,' he said.

'No!' Tanith and Val said together.

'Well, it means, Unfair and dishonest practices carried out in a secretive way in order to trick other people,' I said and laughed at the glare on Skulduggery's face.

'LOL,' Tanith said before collapsing.

I waited a while before I started talking again. 'Yep. And yours means serpent lady, Tanith,' I said. I allowed Valkyrie to laugh for a while and started talking again.

But I was inturpted by Fletcher making an appearance. Both Valkyrie and him glared at each other before Val walked out.

'What was that about?' I asked him.

'She broke up with me yesterday,' he slurred. He had a beer bottle in his hand.

'Oh sweetheart, put the bottle down
You've got too much talent
I see you through those bloodshot eyes
There's a cure you've found it,' I sang to him and took the beer bottle. Tanith sniffed it and pushed it away.

'I'm sure whatevers in that is toxic,' she said, but then her eyes brightened. 'I know the song you were singing!' she said and started singing herself.

Slow motion sparks
You caught that chill
Now don't deny it
But boys will be boys
Oh yes they will
They don't wanna define it
Just give up the game and get into me
If you're looking for thrills then get cold feet

'I wasn't going to go that far,' I blushed. I then stupidly tried to change topic. 'Why did she break up with you?' I asked.

This time it was his turn to blush. 'She saw me looking at someone else,' he said.

'TMI,' I said and stood up.

For the next three hours I read Gordon's books. I must admit, they were pretty OK.

'Training,' I heard someone over me say.

'What?' I asked still looking at my book.

'Time for you to train. If you are going to be staying with up for a while then you might as well train with us,' Skulduggery said.

'Flying vending machines!' was my only reply as I stood up and stretched slightly. It wasn't good for my sitting in that position for so long. Really bad for my back.

I followed him to where ever he was going.

'How many languages do you know?' he asked.

'One and a third,' I replied confidently. 'Though it might not be a third. It might be less.

'A third?' he asked.

'Still studying it. I can hold an OK conversation though,' I said.

'What language?' he asked.

'French and English,' I said and he rolled his eyes.

'Right. I am going to spend one hour teaching you Gaelic and then you will be taken to Val who will teach you magic who will then take you to Tanith who will fight with you,' he said and pulled out a large book.

'Big whoop,' I whispered and sat back in my chair. This was going to be a long lesson.

'That was interesting,' I said, my mind buzzing with what I had just learnt.

'Basics,' Skulduggery said back and led me through the forest to where Val was fighting against Tanith.

'Finished,' he said and they broke apart.

'You sure you can't teach her?' Val asked.

'No. I have things to do,' he said and disappeared.

I was sat down and taught how to empty my mind. Not that it worked. But by the end of it I had managed to create a small fire. Now it was Tanith's turn to torture me!

'I'm going to teach you how to actually use a sword now. You have the basics from fencing now you are going up to the next level,' she started and I stared. I WAS DOOMED!

For the next hour she taught me how to hold the sword and how to use it. I was given a sword and sheath and I strapped it onto my waist. Apparently Ghastly was making clothes for me.

So much in one day, but it wasn't over.

'And for the next hour I am going to teach you hand to hand combat,' Tanith said with an evil grin.

'I'd rather not,' I said and moved backwards slowly. 'I can't actually do this. Believe me, I have tried. I can't make all those silly sounds.'

'Don't worry. You don't have to make them. Now, first we are going to…' I forgot what she said. I was too busy staring.

I swear I have about six more bruises than I started off with. I bruise easily!

And that is what happened today. Sorry it is so short. I can't sit down properly from where I was dumped on my behind. Fletcher just disappeared after I talked to him funnily enough.

Live Long and Remain Ugly

Vintage Sketch

(A/N)

I got a foil today! Go me!

That's it really… Sorry it is short. I am like dead after practicing with my new foil. It is the BEST! I do wish more people would review though…

Alyss Mainwaring

(A/N)