13th September – Ireland still. Although…

I haven't seen Fletch all day and I am starting to wonder. He will make his way back eventually.

I hope.

But no matter. Today I got to meet the Australian Grand Mage. She was weird. As I opened my eyes this morning something in me said that the day I was going to have was not going to be the effort that getting out of bed was. I was so going to just lay back and go to sleep again.

'Too late now, I had thought. Val was waiting above my bed.

'Go away,' I muttered to her. she laughed and pulled me out of bed. Literally.

'Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?' I asked her.

'Clothes for you. Then come down and eat. We have to be a the sanctuary in one hour,' she said, dumped a package on my lap and left.

I got up and tore open the package. Inside was black clothing with a dark, almost black coat. There were boots made to fit perfectly and an inspector hat which was black with a same purple velvet ribbon to match. I had asked for black and purple because I like purple better than red. That and it suits me better.

Slipping them on (perfect fit, but what else) I was really excited. This dream I was having was getting better and better by the minute. It was only the best dream I had ever had and it was out doing itself at every turn and twist in the story. 'I wonder if I will remember it when I wake up?' I wondered out loud.

'What will?' a voice from the door way said. I turned to see Tanith standing, looking bored.

'My dream,' I said and turned back to the mirror applying more make up. It was still really light though.

'And what dream would that be?' Tanith asked and came over to start inspecting my make up. 'How can you wear all this?' she asked yet another question.

'I don't to school. I would get killed,' I answered and put the last of it down.

Soon after we walked down the stairs to find Valkyrie screaming at Fletcher while he was looking slightly scared. Skulduggery was trying to read but occasionally he looked up and death glared at Fletcher. Poor Fletch. I mean, he is a good guy… occasionally… I walked forwards and patted Val on the arm.

'Now I know that he was being unbearable and annoying but that doesn't mean that you can PMS and kill him,' I said and pushed her into a chair.

'Now you,' I said walking forwards to where Fletch was still standing and placed my hand delicately on his shoulder. 'You have been very unfair to Val over there. Looking at other women while she is still your girl friend, what a thing to do! She can hurt you! You should have done it when she wasn't around. And if you couldn't get your little pervy eyes off them until then, you need to get checked out. Now of course you can look at those women. But then? While she was still your girlfriend? Flying horses. Now you are going to have to take us all to Australia for breakfast,' I said and left my hand on his shoulder.

'What's this about going to Australia?' skulduggery asked coming in at the right time for the conversation.

'Fletcher is going, flying koalas, to take us all to Australia for breakfast,' I said. 'Thank you for that Fletch,' I told him and as soon as we were all touching we appeared in Australia.

I let the spring sun wash across my face. It felt good again to be here. I started walking in a random direction. Like I knew what I was doing. It was really funny really; they did follow me like I knew what I was doing. And in a way I did. It was only two minutes before we arrived at a McDonalds.

'Can I please have a…' I can't remember my order now but at the time it sure was yum. After about ten minutes (Tanith couldn't decide what to get), we had all sat down on a table outside.

A pigon came.

'F OFF YOU BIRD!' I yelled at it and stood up. It was unfased.

'Flying teachers!' I screamed at it and tried to kick it at the same time. it flew away. I turned back to the group.

'Sorry. I have a deep dark vendetta against those birds,' I said and sat back down to what I now think was my pancakes breakfast.

'Why? They're pretty,' Val said watching one.

'And pretty annoying as well,' I replied back.

We were able to talk there for about twenty minutes before having to head back to the mansion. We still had to drive to the sanctuary. The silly people didn't trust me alone with Fletcher. It wasn't like I was going to do anything with him. Ew!

We walked inside and were shown straight to a room without any windows and it was dimly lit by magic. The grand mage Erskine himself came in followed by a familiar red haired.

I leapt forward punched the Australian grand mage in the nose. She doubled over as sshe felt her nose break. I smiled and moved backwards. Only when she had stood up did I start screaming.

'You evil witch. Our country was going strong and you came along. Never once have you been elected in! You double crossed Kevin Rudd and bribed your way to the top. Is that how you did it? by sleeping with people like Tilly Divine?' I started screaming. Some people ruhed forwards to surround the grand mage and I was taken out of th room until I could calm down. Outside (we had to go outside the building, I was screaming that much) Skulduggery, Valkyrie and I saw some nasty looking infected and some real nasty looking vampires.

'Be brave,' Skulduggery said and I cut across.

'Sorry to interrupt,' I started to say. 'ut if you don't see me in five minutes, tehn I've probably died a very brave and heroic death,' I said and ran screaming towards the sanctuary building again.'Or not,' I said as I was surrounded by infected.

An evil villain came forward.

'As you can see you are outnumbered,' she said to Skulduggery.

'I usually am,' he replied back.

'Your situation has become quite untenable,' she said to Valkyrie.

'It usually does,' she replied back.

'I'm gonna tortue you iuntil you can't sream no more. Then to double check I'm gonna cut out your tounge and send it to your parents as a thank you girft for Christmas,' she said to me.

'Ok, that's a new one on me,' I replied back.

'Kill them!' she screamed.

'Flying trees!' I screamed at the same time.

The infected moved nowhere because I had managed to confuse them.

Have to leave it off for the moment. I have to go and say why I had punch Julia Gillard in the face and broke her nose.

Cause it suited me?

Live Long and Remain Ugly

Vintage Sketch