Light fell on Commander Shepard's eyes. He opened them. He lay on his back, and did not recognize the ceiling above him at first.
Immediately, he was near-fully awake, a reflex born out of combat experience. He did not move though, a further reflex: Doing so might draw unwanted attention in a hostile environment. Instead, he looked at his surroundings with as few movements as necessary.
The sick bay. I'm on the Normandy.
He relaxed, but only slightly. Memories came back.
Flux... Emily Wong, shot... I entered combat...
A wave of pain raced through his head, forcing him to let out a short, quiet groan.
I had such pain at Flux, too.
If he recalled the pain there correctly the one now was lesser, but that still did not make it any pleasant. He still felt as if small men constantly worked on his brain with hammers.
Another memory hit him.
Tali, gunned down.
He looked around again, this time more frantically. He was one the bed closest to the entrance. Ashley lay on the bed in the middle. Her presence surprised Shepard; he had not seen her in the battle. She seemed to sleep. The bed on the other side of the room from him was surrounded by a green curtain. Subdued sounds came from there.
Tali. It must be her. They're performing a surgery on her.
At least that meant she was not dead. However there was no telling how bad she had been hurt.
Shepard knew he could do nothing, and he had nobody to address his questions to, either. Everybody should concentrate on saving Tali, that had utmost priority over his morbid curiosity. However, that meant that all he could do was to lay in his bed and watch the ceiling, head continuing to hurt, unsure what had happened to him, not knowing whether Tali would make it, and condemned to inactivity. He did not even dare move too much as to not distract the people involved in Tali's surgery.
And damn, will that headache ever go away?
Even though he had been woken by light, he noticed that it was actually fairly dimmed. The windows of the sick bay had been darkened, too. While there were several sources of light in the room, it was actually semi-dark. Shepard became painfully aware of that when the door opened and somebody stepped in.
Further stings of pain hit his head.
"Are you all right?" a whispered voice asked. Kaidan's voice.
"I... not really," Shepard admitted in a likewise quiet voice.
"I understand," Kaidan answered. Shepard could see him more clearly now. He stood beside his bed. "But I think you have some questions you want answered."
"I do," Shepard confirmed. "What about Tali? I assume it's her they're working on over there?"
"Yeah," Kaidan replied, "In fact it's her second surgery already. Chakwas started the first one, an emergency surgery, right after we had managed to reach the ship. Now she's trying a more extensive surgery on her."
Why are we on the Normandy, anyway? But instead Shepard asked a question that weighted on his mind far heavier: "And how... how are her chances?"
Kaidan looked him straight into the face: "She hasn't quite made it yet. Chakwas told me her chances are good, but she isn't fully out of risk yet." He paused. "There were... complications. With her immune system. Faster than usually after a suit breach, or so Chakwas said. She seems to have read up on quarian health issues."
"So...?" Shepard prompted.
"We just don't know," Kaidan admitted softly, "Chakwas foresaw that you'd have questions about Tali's case, so she briefed me thoroughly before starting the second surgery, so that I could relay everything to you - but while she thinks Tali has good chances, she doesn't know."
Shepard let all tension escape from his body, and slumped down deeper into the bed. They don't know whether she'll make it. He wanted to close his eyes, shut out the world, and simply wait for the result, good or bad - but he knew he could not do so. He had responsibilities. Even quieter than before he asked: "Why are we here anyway, and not in some Citadel hospital?"
"We... well, I thought this best," Alenko answered. "After you simply keeled over - after taking out a group of five people all by your own, it should be added - I took over command. Since we just had been hit by a sizable assassination squad I didn't think Citadel hospitals secure enough. And besides, multicultural as the Citadel is I think Chakwas by now has educated herself on quarian physiology more than most Citadel doctors." He attempted a grim grin, but it faltered. "You, Tali, Ashley - you all had been hit and had to be transported to the dock. It was difficult."
"When was Ashley hit?" Shepard inquired.
"You were focused on the group at the dance floor," Kaidan explained, "but there was a second group who stormed our table. We were able to hold them off, but Ashley took quite a beating."
"What the hell happened there anyway?" Shepard demanded to know. And then something else came to mind: "And what about Emily Wong? How's she?"
"An assassination squad, or so we assume" Kaidan answered. "Emily was the first target. She didn't have a shield generator. She... She didn't make it."
Fuck. Oh, dear god... He had only had had two encounters with her, however he had no doubt she had died because of him. Because she had become associated with him. "ExoGeni?" he asked with a croaked voice. Or the Council? They had reason to hate her, too - but they wouldn't target one of their own Spectres. Or would they?
"More than likely," Kaidan agreed. He paused. "Maybe we should continue our talk outside, at the mess. Chakwas said you should be - not fine when you wake up, but healthy enough to leave sick bay."
Shepard did not really feel that way, but Chakwas was the medical professional, not him. And there was a surgery going on in the room. "Okay," he said. He rose from the bed quite awkwardly and with great effort. He noticed that he still was wearing the clothes he had worn on the Citadel.
Outside the sick bay, the ship's internal lights were at their usual luminance levels, but Shepard still felt as if they were burning their way right into his head. "Ugh," he made, and slumped his way to the mess table, where he let himself fall into a chair. "How is it that you suddenly appeared to answer all my questions anyway?"
"Dr Chakwas told me to, and I didn't feel like arguing with her," Kaidan answered. "You were under electronic medical observation, so I got a warning when you woke up. Chakwas knew that she'd be busy, and probably thought me best to tell you all these news." When Shepard did not answer to that, Kaidan continued: "Now, the problem with the ExoGeni theory is that it's very obvious. It could be other factions using that as cover. Cerberus for example."
Shepard shook his head. "Why would Cerberus need to frame somebody else? They don't have a name to keep clean. They're stealthy, but not in that way." The Council, though, on the other hand... but really now, they'd have better methods to get things done, too. It must've been ExoGeni. "I mean, yeah, it's damn obvious, but considering all the pressure ExoGeni is under at the moment... maybe somebody on the board cracked and ordered the hit. Out of panic and stress."
"C-Sec is on the case," Kaidan stated, "Their investigation will turn up the culprits."
Shepard shook his head again. "Damn. Emily. They killed her... for having aired material I gave to her, or for being an associate of mine... neither makes me feel any good."
"I think she knew the risks, Jonathan," Kaidan replied. "It's scant comfort, I know. But she knew the risks."
"I... yes," Shepard conceded. "I just... ah, nevermind." He wanted to say more, felt as if Emily deserved more to be said about her, but nothing came to mind. After an awkward pause he asked: "And what happened to me? I never had so much power behind my biotics, but damn, the pain. I assume that's somehow connected? Just what happened to me out there?"
"Dr Chakwas is unsure," Kaidan began with some slight hesitation. After a pause he continued: "She has theories, though, mostly due to her experience of working with me. What it boils down according to her is that your L3 implant effectively worked as L2 implant for a while."
"What?" Shepard asked. That did not make any sense to him.
"You know that L2s spike higher than L3s, normally," Kaidan explained. "You're an exception, but Dr Chakwas thinks that's more despite the L3 than because of the L3. That is with an L2 you'd probably command even more biotic power."
"And that's what happened?" Shepard inquired.
"Dr Chakwas thinks so," Kaidan confirmed. "L2s cause complications because of two things: A general incompatibility with the brain's neural pathways, and lacking fine regulation. That's why L2s are stronger, they have no feedback mechanism when they power up more than the brain can take. Your L3 usually should have, but somehow that didn't work at Flux. Somehow, you pushed your biotic powers way beyond what the implant would usually allow for. Essentially, it hence acted like a L2. Or, like a neurally better adapted L2, that to such a degree that it practically overheated your brain and you blacked out."
Shepard remained silent for a while to absorb this information. "I thought my head would explode at Flux," he said, "and even now the headaches won't go away. So is this..." he trailed off.
"Yes," Kaidan confirmed, "It's what I have. Your headaches now, that is. At least that's what it sounds like."
"And you live constantly with it?" Shepard asked.
"It's not like I have a choice," Kaidan explained, "except, well - we talked about that."
They had. And it had not ended very well. So Shepard was quick to drop the topic again. He remained silent.
"Dr Chakwas asks you to not repeat the feat again, in any case," Kaidan continued after a while. "As far as she can tell there's no permanent neural damage. That's why you could leave sick bay. You'll probably still have those headaches for a few days, but most likely there won't be any constant effects remaining. However, Dr Chakwas said she couldn't guarantee that the next time you try it."
"As if I could control it!" Shepard replied, "I didn't even know what had happened to me." He sighed. "This all is a lot to absorb. An assault on us on the Citadel, Emily's dead, Tali is still in risk of dying, my implant acting up... I think that all will take some time to sink in. I need some more rest. If anybody needs to know, I'll be in my cabin."
And with that, he rose again from the table.
…
Shepard did not know why he was here.
After all, it was unlikely Tali would wake up right now. All the procedures performed on her would boost her body's self-regenerating powers, as most medical activities did these days. However, that meant that essentially things were now up to her and her body, and while Chakwas thought it very unlikely by now that she would relapse, her struggle was not over yet. And he could do nothing to contribute.
Yet, as he looked down at her lifeless appearing form, he knew at least that he could not just go away. Wrapped up in an envirosuit as it was, her body still appeared delicate to him. And he knew the person inside it, of course. A person that, even while unconscious, he could not simply leave alone. He knew it was silly how she triggered his protective instincts now (and he realized it was just that) - it was not like he could do anything to protect her right now, and in battle she could very well hold her own. Had he walked after her at Flux, instead of the other way round, most likely it would have been him who would have been gunned down. Not only was he not able to protect her from all the evils of the galaxy, it would also be insulting to her. Still, as he looked at her he could not help but feel an irrational desire to do so.
He wondered what his crew thought. It was probably very obvious by now just how often he entered the sick bay, and the rumour mill would spread the reason quickly enough. And the rumours would probably evolve and develop starting from there. That was not exactly a pleasant thought. But then, when have I ever truly cared what others would think about me?
After all, it was not like he was abandoning his duties. In fact the recent days had been rather busy, despite his headaches. He had turned over Dr Wayne to C-Sec, which was not only the security agency for the Citadel but could also act as the Council's general police force. And he had given the encrypted Cerberus data found on Nepheron to Barla Von, the financier and local top agent of the Shadow Broker - and to every intelligence agency that would listen besides, foremostly the turians. Ironically, the salarians' aptitude for intelligence had worked against them in this case; many had been too distrustful of data just gifted to them. However, even among that race he had found intelligence services to give the data to. He had also given it to asari (an unofficial 'intelligence service' that was more the circle around a powerful matriarch, but it would serve), hanar and elcor (though he was pretty sure the elcor would simply store it in the vast archives on their homeworld and forget about it).
He also had worked with C-Sec. He had given them his testimony, and in return had received an optical disk of Emily's, labeled by her as being meant for him. Normally, C-Sec would still have retained it for now as a piece of evidence, but given Shepard's Spectre status that routine had been wavered. The data on the disk had been heavily encrypted, but was accessible by a voice test accepting his own voice.
It had made him very sad to watch the message on the disk. Emily clearly had not believed to be in actual danger of death. She had collected the files on the disk for that eventuality, but in the message on it addressed to him she had made jokes about that and belittled the possibility. The message even said how silly she felt for acting like a secret agent in one of those vid. She knew the risks, eh? Doesn't sound so to me... At least the disk was useful. It contained a large list of contacts in the media world, both humans and asari. Thus, Shepard was now at least still able to get material made public if he so wanted. But at the moment, that was small comfort, if at all.
And finally on his last tour to the Citadel, he had bought one of those visors Garrus used, or a version of it made for humans, anyway, just as he had said he would do. So now he could record things on his own, without needing Garrus at his side any more. Not that having him at his side was bad, but it was better to be independent if need be.
Every one of those tours had been short, with a clear purpose in mind, and under heavy protection. Shepard was not taking any risks any more. And afterward, he had always come to visit to the sick bay.
He knew his visits were not very productive. What do I do? Look at Tali. And worry. And worry he did. The price of emotional attachment. And all due to feelings we can never live out anyway. No matter how much he wanted to.
If Dr Chakwas thought anything about his visits she kept it to herself. Liara, who had made herself at home in the sick bay's storage room, did not say anything either. And if the crew talked about it, which Shepard was pretty sure they did, then at least nothing had reached him yet. The Commander was thankful for all those things.
However, just as he was about to enter the next round of morbid thoughts, Kaidan entered the sickbay.
"Still no change?" he asked.
"No," Shepard replied shortly.
"The ship has reached word from the Council," Kaidan said, "they want to talk to you."
"At the Tower?" Shepard asked.
"No, you can take their call on the ship," Kaidan answered. "I wonder what it's about this time. The Council has not been very supportive after all. All the alien species are so wrapped up in their own problems..."
Shepard shrugged. "I know. But it's not like we can do anything about it. It's a fact to work around."
Kaidan chuckled lightly. "That sounds odd coming from you. Ah, with all due respect, but..."
"I know what you mean," Shepard assured, "must be your influence on me." He sighed. "Or yours and hers." He pointed to Tali. "In any case, we should be used by now how the Council act. It's, well - 'human nature', basically."
"Hah, yeah, I suppose that translates very well across species borders," Kaidan agreed.
"Well, I guess I can't let the Council wait," Shepard sighed. "Thanks for relaying the message."
Shepard wondered how a Lieutenant had become a courier, anyway. Or why CIC had not simply commed him. They knew where I was. Somebody thought it better to be careful with my sensibilities. He did not know what to think about that. It made him feel unsure, in any case.
He was tense as he walked to the conference room. I wonder what the Council wants from me now. Maybe it had something to do with the shoot-out at Flux. Knowing the Council, he probably would have to justify himself for that, even though he had been the attacked party. Eh, I guess I'll find out sooner than I'd care to.
He was only all too right. The holographic terminal got a signal mere seconds after he had entered the room, and images of the three Councillors appeared. And they did not seem to be in a good mood.
"Shepard, do you think us stupid?" the turian Councillor began.
What the hell? was the first thing that came to Shepard's mind, Yes was the second thing and then, thirdly: What did I do wrong now ? He remained silent and waited. Oh and yes, I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
"It seems like I was right," the turian continued: "You do in fact not know any sense of duty. Only a primal desire for revenge befitting to your species' level of development."
They know about my relationship to Cerberus. They must've dug into my past. That thought angered him, but he merely raised an eyebrow.
"We know what you did was not due to a conviction of duty to the Council," the salarian Councillor explained. "If it were, you wouldn't have sent the data you had acquired to every intelligence service with a presence on this station."
"So we searched for the real reasons you did it," the asari Councillor went on, "We discovered your relationship with Service Chief Sarah Schäfer years ago. We know that she committed suicide over what had happened on Akuze. And we know Cerberus engineered the Akuze incident."
"The only thing you want is revenge," the turian Councillor accused Shepard. "That's the only conviction you seem to have. Hence your hostility towards us, too. As shown by your interview with Emily Wong and your appearance at the rally of those human racists, Terra Firma - you want revenge for Shanxi against the turians, and revenge for Akuze against Cerberus! And you're willing to use us, the Council as a mere tool in that."
Wait what? The turian Councillor was right about his desire for revenge against Cerberus, and his willingness to use the Council as a mere tool in that, but the rest - He must really hate me to delve into such theories.
"That isn't true," he answered, "but I suppose I won't be able to convince you otherwise anyway. So how about that: It doesn't matter for what reason I did what. The fact remains there were living rachni in Cerberus facilities, and Cerberus was conducting experiments on them. Yes, I do want revenge against Cerberus, though I'd rather call it getting justice done. Doesn't matter, though - call it revenge if you like. In any case, it coincides with your interests to keep the rachni dead, and to eliminate anybody who might work on rachni. Our interests may have different motivations, but they converge."
"You do not get to treat the Council as your equals!" the turian shouted, "You're free to have interests, but in your work as Spectre you're pursuing our interests."
"Well, I did," Shepard defended himself. "Does the motivation really matter? The fact still does remain there are living rachni out there, and that without me going after Cerberus, nobody would have found out, or only when it would've been too late!"
"That's true, Commander," the salarian confirmed, "but it makes a difference in our evaluation of you."
"And as you know you've been skirting the line for a while now," the asari continued, "So it's important for us to get a clear picture of you. You're not helping your cause by letting yourself be guided by revenge, rather than a sense of duty."
"I maintain it makes no difference, but very well, that's your decision," Shepard answered, "So what now?"
"You have in fact been the Spectre who discovered living rachni," the salarian explained. "We recognize that. As such we want to keep you updated on the matter. There have been reports in the Styx Theta cluster, about attacks by unknown creatures. We now can strongly assume those were attacks by rachni. It might be Cerberus' 'source' of rachni is in that cluster."
"Understood," Shepard replied with narrowed eyes. The Council doesn't give orders to its Spectres. That would prevent plausible deniability. It merely 'informs' them. That was such an 'information'. "Thank you for your update, Councillor."
"Remember, Shepard: We're still watching you closely," the turian Councillor stated. And with that the holograms faded.
000000
Slowly, senses were returning to Tali. She could feel her gloves, and light shone through her visor. She was waking up.
Am I awake for good now?
She half remembered drifting in and out of sleep, and probably unconsciousness, for a long time. Her memory of that period was hazy, though, and she could not recall anything precise.
She felt awful, but that was to be expected. She still remembered there had been surgeries done on her. Of course she would not get away without an infection. However, this time she seemed to be hit extra hard: Her head ached, her belly felt uneasy, all her joints were sore, and thinking was difficult.
She moved her head slightly. A sound of surprise could be heard, which in turn startled her. Turning her head, she saw Shepard's... Jon's... face.
"Tali," he said softly and still surprised, "How do you feel?"
"I've felt better," she admitted weakly, "but also worse." Not often, though. Maybe twice or thrice right after being gunned down...
"Don't move," Shepard said. She had not. "Do you remember what has happened?"
"Only unclear images," Tali replied, "The last thing I remember clearly is... we were at Flux." Dancing. Relatively closely. "Afterward it's all a blur. We were attacked, weren't we?"
"Yes," Shepard answered. "You were hit hard. Several bullets pierced your suit." She saw how he clenched a hand to a fist and quickly relaxed it again. "During the last days Dr Chakwas had to perform three surgeries on you. There had been... complications. You had become infected and it had threatened your internal organs."
Seems like it was a close call indeed. Tali had no intention of dying, but as a quarian she was used to living merely a hull breach away from death all the time anyway. Shepard sounded like he had been worried, though.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"The Normandy has just entered the Argos Rho cluster," Shepard answered. "The Council had tasked me to find the source of Cerberus' rachni in the Styx Theta cluster. There were rachni in Styx Theta, but it appears they had come on a supply ship from the Sigma-23 depot. And that's in Argos Rho. Besides, Wrex has asked me to recover his family armour for him."
"His... family armour?" Tali asked, somewhat amused. She was still weak, but that sounded funny."Well, we're in the region anyway."
"Indeed," Shepard confirmed, "and it's only fair. I, ah, tried to 'recover' Dr Saleon for Garrus, now I'll recover that family heirloom of Wrex' for him. He sounded rather dismissive about it, actually, but you know him. I think it actually means much to him."
"You should start a business" Tali suggested in jest. " 'Shepard Recovery Services'. "
Shepard smiled faintly. "I'll consider it. Might help me finance all those weapons they make me buy myself."
Tali always had that found horribly inefficient and stupid, too. But then, the quarians on the Fleet did not use money, period, so maybe she was just unaccustomed to it. However, there was another, more important issue on her mind: "And you've been here all the time?"
"Ah..." Shepard replied, "well..." He rubbed his back head. "Not the entire time. I was on missions in Styx Theta, and I had to keep the ship running, of course. But, uh, I guess, I did come to here rather often. Still pure dumb luck that you've woken up during one of those visits, though."
It's good to have somebody caring about one. Part of her worried whether the exercise of his duties might have suffered under his regular visits, a concern that was a natural result of her upbringing aboard the Migrant Fleet. However, according to himself it had not, and she had no reason to doubt that account.
Most of all, though, she was surprised. She knew already that Shepard was not indifferent about her, but he must have been worried quite a bit. "I won't complain about that luck," she said. "Do you know what's supposed to happen with me now?" She felt a deep sleepiness coming up in her again, but she wanted to know that much, at least.
"Not much, I'm afraid," Shepard replied. "Chakwas said that you're..." He hesitated and seemed to cringe slightly. "That you're out of any danger to your life now. But you need rest. So you'll be bound to this bed for a week at least or so, I'm afraid."
A week of inactivity? In modern times of quick healing processes that was half an eternity, and to her it fully was an eternity. She already had enough problems with having nothing to do as it was. These problems had eased as she got to know the crew better, and socialized with them, but she always felt a bit uneasy when she had the suspicion of having worked too few. And now she would not work at all for an entire week! Or do anything else, for that matter. After the stress of recent months that could be seen as welcome break (if at a high price), and she did feel tired at the moment, but Tali suspected she'd get sick of it rather sooner than later.
However, as it was, she was sick. Her whole body seemed to ache. She supposed it made sense not to risk too much activity now. Still, she weakly protested: "I think I'm more afraid of that prospect than you are."
"I have no trouble believing that," Shepard said with a smile. However, that smile vanished and he said more seriously: "We nearly lost you, Tali. You should really take care to get healthy again. That has higher priority than any work at Engineering or ground missions or whatever."
He looked right at her, and she looked back. She had already gotten a good chance for a long look into his eyes at Flux. They had been more lively back then, but now they seemed more... deep, in a way. It was difficult for her to even only mentally formulate the difference, though - as a rule, quarians could only rarely look into each other eyes.
"I understand," she answered seriously. "And you're right."
To remember Shepard so close at Flux, and to see him caring so deeply now - she did not dare hope what this could mean.
Shepard attempted a grin again. "Just see it as discharging duty. Just that your duty is your recovery now."
"You won't get any 'as a quarian' or 'comes with being a quarian' lines out of me any more, you know that, right?" Tali asked mocking.
"It was a worth try," Shepard claimed smiling. His face darkened. "I... I was worried, Tali. About you. Losing you, that is. I mean, I was really lucky to encounter you in the course of my mission. I had much luck with the crew in general, of course, but..." He stopped. "Well, I didn't want to lose a friend," he continued.
"I'm still here, Jon," Tali assured him. She did not want to be a source of distress to him. That she could be such, though - if Tali had not been so very tired, she probably would have been very excited right now.
"I see that," Shepard answered smiling. "I just... wanted to tell you that, before I have to go for now. I fear my free time watch is soon at an end." He rose from the chair he had sat on. "It's good to see you've made it," he declared, and turned to go.
Tali hesitated slightly, but then called out: "Jon." He stopped. "I... I know what you mean. If you were the one lying here, I would feel the same."
Shepard still had his back to her, but his head moved slightly as if he was chuckling. "I know," he said softly. And left the room.
Tali remained behind - amazed at that conversation, and by the questions of what it meant. Does it really mean... ? She did not manage to form a further coherent thought before sleep claimed her.
000000
There was no concept of day or night aboard ships, especially not on military ships. There were only watches. Still, Shepard felt like it was evening after a successful day at work. Most of the squad had a free watch now, he would soon meet with them, and the day had been productively spent by recovering Wrex' family armour.
He had to give it to Arctus Tonn, the turian 'collector' of krogan items from which they had recovered the armour: Tonn had been really dedicated to his collection. He had defended it to the death. That had been some hours ago. In the meantime, Shepard had gotten rid of his armour, showered, eaten, the usual after a mission - and had paid a visit to Tali. She still was too weak for all too long talks, but signs of her recovery were very obvious.
He was just leaving the sick bay. In the mess hall, Kaidan had already grabbed a seat and was now waiting on everybody else who was still too meet there. Shepard nodded a greeting to him, but decided to go check on Wrex first. He was curious on what the krogan would do now with his family armour.
He found the mercenary at his usual location in the cargo. It was impossible to tell whether he was especially pleased or content or anything like that. Krogan facial expressions were an enigma to outsiders, and additionally Wrex nearly always maintained a facade of stoicism.
"Wrex," Shepard greeted him.
"Shepard," the krogan greeted back.
"So, have you stored your armour away?" Shepard asked.
"Yes," Wrex answered. "It won't fall into turian hands again so easily any more."
"Good," Shepard commented, "What will you do with it now?"
"Carry it around with my other belongings," Wrex answered, "That's the only use it has."
"I'm glad to have helped you to a new piece of luggage," Shepard joked.
"An important piece of luggage," Wrex claimed, "I fulfilled my oath to my father´s father thanks to your help. I think I might just begin to like you."
Wrex was hardly what Shepard would call 'ideal' - a ruthless bounty hunter and mercenary who preferred violence to other solutions. But Shepard had experienced how difficult it was to truly get his respect. And now apparently he had it. That made him glad. Not that he would show it: "Good. Then I'll have at least somebody around who understand my jokes."
"If you want to test your jokes on me, then maybe I should rather return that armour to where we've found it," Wrex stated flatly.
Shepard laughed.
"But I like the armour better here," Wrex continued, "I still don't know why my ancestors wore that piece of crap, but they must have had some reason."
"Your family and ancestry seems to hold some importance to you," Shepard stated, "despite what you've told me."
"It's who I am," Wrex explained. "I'm krogan, I'm Urdnot, I'm part of my family. Even though I can stand nobody else in it, and even though all krogan I know are idiots."
"Yet you'd rather be a mercenary than help your people?" Shepard asked.
"What I also am is a fighter," Wrex answered, "so that's what I do." He paused. "Speaking of which, are we soon arrived at that bug depot?"
"Tomorrow, hopefully," Shepard answered. "Maybe then we can find out just what happened to those listening posts. And with some luck it's the source of Cerberus' rachni, too."
"Good," Wrex said, "They need to stay dead."
"I don't think you'd feel so strongly about them if it hadn't been your people fighting them," Shepard commented, "And hell, just today you were complaining about how Tonn has made all his money buying and selling artifacts stolen from your people. So you can't tell me you aren't at all worried about the fate of the krogan."
"What the hell do you want me to do about it, Shepard?" Wrex countered. He still had not quite gotten around using the Commander's first name. "I'm tired of sticking my ass on the line and getting nothing for it."
"You got that armour back," Shepard disagreed, "That's something."
"Now. With your help," Wrex specified.
Shepard just shrugged. "It's a start. It took three generations, but eventually it's back in your family line. So maybe, eventually you can do something about your people. From what you've told me you've been the only one to at least even try. So you might just be the best chance your people have."
"They're a lost cause," Wrex declared, "I'm not like you, Shepard. I'm no hero. I tried it once already. Only an idiot would think doing the same thing twice would result in a different result."
"Really?" Shepard inquired further, "You never thought of ever returning, or thought of trying again to help your people?"
"I try not to," Wrex answered, "But there's a lot of krogan mercs out there. I'm always running into them. Half the time I'm being paid to kill them. But that's just part of the don't get to pick who your enemies are." He paused. "If I were ever to try it again, I'd need something to fight for. Something standing in my favour. Otherwise, it would just end up like last time. Having my armour back is nice, but it won't serve for that."
"What would serve?" Shepard asked.
"I don't know," Wrex declared flatly. "Maybe there's nothing that will. Maybe my people simply are such a lost cause."
"That's a depressing thought," Shepard commented.
"That's why I try not to think about it," Wrex explained. "Besides, being a merc isn't so bad, so I can't complain. It's good work if it doesn't kill you. You get to see the galaxy on somebody else's credit, and most days end in a good fight. With you, even against rachni. So why shouldn't I be a mercenary?"
"So you distract yourself with your mercenary work, to get your thoughts away from your homeworld and people," Shepard concluded.
"Yes," Wrex just confirmed. "Tell me, with what enemies can I distract myself after we've defeated the bugs here?"
"If only I knew," Shepard sighed. "We should go to Noveria. Even if Benezia still isn't there, according to Garrus. On the other hand, we might also first take out those partners in crime of Helena Blake; that's what I originally had planned before the Council had called me up."
"Just tell me where to point my gun," Wrex said. He paused slightly and continued: "But I will think about what you've said."
"I can't ask for more," Shepard declared. "Me, I'll partake in an interesting little experiment now. So long, Wrex."
The Commander walked away from the krogan and stepped inside the elevator. He smiled. He was on the way to an experiment indeed.
Over the past weeks, and especially in recent days, the crew had become increasingly at ease with each other, even the members of the very diverse squad. It seemed that at long last they had become used to each other.
They had become comrades-in-arms. Maybe even friends, or maybe they would become friends. Thus, Shepard had invited Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus and Liara to meet him at the mess.
Ashley spotted him first: "There you are, skipper. Just for the record, I still think this is a bad idea."
Shepard merely raised an eyebrow while he seated himself.
"I mean, can you read Garrus' face?" Ashley continued. "What with all the bones there. Uh, no offence, Garrus."
Shepard grinned. He already had gotten the cards and begun to shuffle them. "You fear his poker face? Be glad Wrex isn't here. Or Tali. Heh, they definitely should join us if we do this again."
"I'd rather not think about that," Ashley said.
Garrus in the meanwhile had said nothing, politely holding back, but he was closely watching the conversation.
"Besides," Shepard went on, "for a cop, Garrus is very easy to read. No offence, Garrus, but how do you do interrogations? One look at your face and people know how you feel."
"And yet you entrust those jobs to me," Garrus replied. "I think that says more about your command skills than my interrogation skills."
Shepard laughed. "In any case that should compensate for any trouble with cross-species barriers. Just remember, Ashley, when he moves his mandibles, he has good cards."
"I've read up on poker," Liara spoke up, "Ashley told me we'd play 'Skyllian Five'. I just hope I can keep all of those rules in mind."
Ashley grinned at the asari. It was clear she considered her easy prey in the game.
"Don't worry," Kaidan replied, "I think we should go easy on the newbies anyway."
"Speak for yourself," Ashley replied.
"This is gonna be fun," Shepard commented and began to deal the cards.
...
Several hours later, Ashley cursed: "Shit. I'm out. I'm all out of imaginary money. And I thought I had to worry about Garrus' poker face!"
"Kaidan is rather difficult to read," Garrus agreed, "and Liara has decades training in memorizing everything. I'm out as well."
Shepard grinned and began to gather up the cards again.
000000
Tali walked through the corridors of the Normandy. She did not exactly try to hide, but she was rather glad nobody else seemed to be here. Or else people would have noticed just how often she visited this certain place of the ship. Not that there was anything wrong with visiting the Captain's cabin; the problem was the frequency. Daily at least, since she had been released from the sick bay three days ago.
And if we quarians know one thing with certainty is that ship crews gossip - no matter whether there is something to gossip about or whether they need to invent something. I better don't... -
"Hey, Tali," a voice interrupted her thoughts. "On the way to Jonathan again?"
Tali looked up abruptly. Kaidan was standing in front of her. He smiled surprised at her sudden reaction.
"Oh, hey, Kaidan," she said. She thought of something to say but then simply replied: "Yes, he's expecting me." She paused. "It might be good if this doesn't become common knowledge."
Kaidan tried to suppress his smile becoming wider. Tried and failed. He was clearly amused by the whole situation, but nonetheless determined to take it serious. "I understand. I will cover for you, if you want that."
"I'd appreciate it," Tali answered. Just great. He suspects, too. "I don't want any gossip to spread."
"Gossip?" Kaidan asked. "About what?"
He's enjoying himself far too much. However, she could not find an answer: "Ah..."
More seriously, Kaidan asked in a lower voice: "So you and Jon, huh?"
Oh keelah. "What makes you say so?" Tali managed to ask.
"It became rather obvious after your injury," Alenko explained. "Even before - well, it was pretty well known that whenever you two had shared free time to find the one you just had to find the other."
"People noticed that?" Tali asked. Stupid question, of course they did. "So they've been talking for a while now?"
"Not for all that long," Kaidan disagreed. He smiled, though it looked somewhat melancholic. "I think most people simply never saw the possibility for a long time. Even only the mere idea of, ah, interspecies relations is very rare for humans. We haven't been in contact to other species for very long, after all. There's still a lot we don't understand about non-humans, and so no matter how much time you spent with Shepard, many people would never have suspected it could be more than friendship."
"Many people?" Tali inquired.
"Maybe some did see the possibility," Alenko answered, "but if so, not many and if they told, they got dismissed. However, after your injury - Shepard was at your bedside nearly constantly. Well, that's exaggerated, but that's how many saw it. And he was worried about you, Tali, really worried. And now that it seems the close contacts continue, some people begin to notice this. Even me." He smiled self-deprecatingly.
"It's not like that," Tali replied in a resigned voice. "I'm... fond of him." She increasingly suspected that was mutual, but she did not fully dare to hope yet. In any case, even if that was so, it was not for her to tell. "But it would be a hopeless prospect. Since I'm stuck in this envirosuit and eventually have to return to my people, and as you said, interspecies relationships are rare and complicated as is."
"I understand what you mean," Kaidan said. "It's a lot of problems. But - have you talked about it with Jonathan at least?"
"I probably should," Tali admitted, "But that's easier said than done."
"I know," Kaidan said. "However, you should try to tell him. I don't know what could be done about the problems, but I think you and him would deserve some happiness. We all do. And there's some comfort at least in the certain knowledge that somebody cares about you."
Tali remained silent. What Kaidan had said was true, but it just was not that easy. Finally she said: "I don't think this is the best place for discussing such things."
"No," Kaidan agreed with a smile, "but if anybody has seen us they'll tell that you met me and not Jon, so that's something."
"I'll have to be content with that, it seems," Tali commented. She was about to turn and go, but then stopped and said: "Thank you, Kaidan. What you said wasn't exactly new insights, but - it's good to know somebody wants you to be happy."
"Just stating facts," Kaidan insisted, nodded in greeting and turned.
Tali realized that Kaidan was right. There was something between her and Shepard, and more to the point even though she would never have thought it possible, it seemed to be mutual. She was still a bit unsure on that, but that was large part of the reason why it should be discussed.
So far she and Shepard had always found something else to talk about. About what was happening on the ship, about the mission or about whatever else. Shepard could talk quite passionately about some things happening in the galaxy, and she could make a fitting snide remark about most topics, or entertain him with more tales from the Migrant Fleet. So far, all their talks had worked without the need to bring up the obvious.
But she knew that this was not productive, and that it even was somewhat cowardly. Maybe I should talk about this now... She stood in front of the cabin door. Let's see if I'll be able to. She sounded the door bell.
"Ah, Tali," Shepard greeted her after he had opened the door. "Ready for the tournament next watch? People already fear your poker face, even though you've never participated so far."
Shepard had told her about the two poker sessions that so far had taken place. In the first one, Kaidan and Liara had taken everybody by surprise and won most games. However, the second time Shepard had seemed to get a decent grip on his opponent's playing style, and had hence won most games himself.
"I wasn't even aware so far I have a poker face," Tali answered, "but I can see how my mask for once will grant me some benefits." She sat down on Shepard's desk chair. He himself already was sitting on his bed.
"One thing at least," Shepard said. He smiled, but his voice sounded oddly ponderous as he said so.
"So, a gaming session with three humans, a krogan, an asari and a turian," Tali commented, "I wouldn't have thought my pilgrimage would include that when I set out to it."
"Good," Shepard judged. "After all, the expected would be boring, no?"
"The expected was me trying to find an impressive pilgrimage gift that would help all of our people," Tali corrected. "I wouldn't call that boring."
"Well, you've managed that as well," Shepard said.
"Yes," Tali agreed. "It's amazing. I would never have dreamed my pilgrimage could be like that. As part of an alien crew that by and large accepts me as one of theirs. On one of the most advanced ships I've ever seen, with opportunities to fight the geth and their plans. I've been really lucky. Most people don't treat quarians decently, let alone friendly."
It would have been a perfect opportunity for Tali to go on from there to talking about her feelings, but she hesitated. It would be a bit cheesy. She knew that was just a cheap excuse her mind had come up with, but - nonetheless she instead continued: "I mean, my pilgrimage aboard the Normandy will surely remain unforgettable for me."
"That's good," Shepard replied. "After all, you'll return to the Migrant Fleet after we're done here and, well..." Now it was his turn to hesitate.
"And stay there, yes," Tali concluded for him. She would be glad to see some people on the Flotilla again. And of course she would return to her people, anything else was unthinkable. Still, the thought of having to depart from the Normandy, and especially from Shepard, had something melancholic.
"Then we should make your stay here as memorable as possible," Shepard said. The conversation came to halt for a while until the Commander spoke up again: "Garrus just told me that C-Sec has found some leads in the case of Emily's murder. Apparently the people were hired via a broker who is well known to do work for human megacorporations."
"So that points to ExoGeni," Tali commented.
"Yes. Or to people trying to frame ExoGeni," Shepard pointed out. "However, the money paid out to the broker seems to come from an account which C-Sec already before strongly suspected of being an ExoGeni shadow funds. I mean, it's still not entirely clear: They're not hundred percent sure the money comes from there, they have no full confirmation yet it is an ExoGeni account, and they'd have to check who else could have access to that account, but, yeah, everything points towards ExoGeni. It seems... well, it seems you don't challenge a megacorp without consequences."
"But if already now hints point to ExoGeni, then surely that will backfire at the trial," Tali remarked.
"Yes," Shepard agreed, "It was a blunder on their part. Somebody high-up must've made an angry snap decision. And that cost Emily her life. After all we already knew before ExoGeni has no regard at all for other people's lives." He sighed. "Well, that's out of my hands now anyway. Goyle will take care of that."
"And what will we do?" Tali asked. "Or you, rather, I know I'll be stuck on this ship." She was still restricted to ship service.
"I thought you considered it such an amazing ship?" Shepard asked grinning. Then he shrugged. "We already took out one of Blake's partners. Now we'll take out the other, and then pay a visit to her." He grimaced. "I got a message from her. It seems she was released soon after I turned her over to C-Sec back on the Citadel, so our old meeting point still stands." He paused. "I know we should probably rather be at Noveria, but after going through the records we found at that base - seeing what that criminal scum did, I somehow cannot be sorry about the fact that we invested time in taking them out.
Tali knew what he meant, and could only agree. "I've gone through some of the recovered data as well. Some parts are really terrible. Especially the vids of selling the slave to the batarians." Those had been really horrible. "But that's just how the galaxy is. It is a grim place, and you have to look out for yourself, because only rarely others will." Her father had taught her that much, at least, and for any quarian it was the evident truth. She loved Shepard's idealism in trying to change that, truly loved that part of him especially, but that did not change how reality looked like.
"It is," Shepard agreed, "but not only. You make it sound as if life is only despair and horror, for everybody. That's just not true, and sometimes you find good things among the oddest of circumstances. I mean, I get sent out to bring in a rogue Spectre trying to unleash galaxy-killing robots on us - but I find great people along the way, all friends now." He hesitated and added somewhat awkwardly: "Ah, especially you." And then hastily: "I'm just saying. Sometimes you find all variants of horror in the galaxy. And sometimes, friendship." More collected again: "I do think all the trials on this mission were worth meeting you."
That had come damn near to an admission. Friendship? Or more? "Look at how it is for me," Tali pointed out, "I was chased and trapped - but I got rescued by a dashing Commander, who lets me join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy." How could I not develop any kind of interest in him? "I don't think I'd trade in Saren's hunt for me or getting shot at Therum or at Flux for having met you, either." Spit it out, woman! But she just could not say more.
"Well, that's good to know," Shepard answered. "I'm..." He interrupted himself and shook his head. "It's good to know that the galaxy doesn't only have bleakness and horror to offer."
That wasn't what he was originally trying to say. She could have pushed the issue now, but did not. The problem was not fear of rejection or anything like it. She was by now pretty certain that Shepard did return her feelings. However, in a way that was irrelevant. Even if they both felt the same, they could never enter into a relationship. And Tali saw no reason to elaborate that fact, despite what Kaidan had advised her.
So instead, she and Shepard let the conversation go back to lighter topics again.
000000
Shepard found again that he had become surprisingly unused to not having Tali on a mission. After her recruitment, he had always brought her along, since she just was the best technician on the ship, and besides could hold her own in battle. The attack on her in Flux, though, and her recovery time afterward had forced Shepard to do without her for now, and it seemed he did get used to that fact as quickly as he had to her presence on missions.
Fortunately, he still saw her often enough, considering how often she was in his cabin these days. Not that he mind, quite the opposite. In fact, he had tried at times to bring up the topic of his, or rather their, feelings, but he had never gone quite through with it. They had been pretty close to discussing that topic a couple of days ago, though.
However, since then it seems both sides had dropped any efforts. After all by now it was pretty clear that both sides knew what each other felt. They were secure in that knowledge. Bringing it up would only lead to the painful elaboration on why such a relationship would never work. So instead, they talked about other things.
He sighed. Time to turn my concentration to the mission at hand again. Even without Tali present, he trusted everybody on it, trusted they would be able to face every challenge that might provide themselves.
The ground squad, consisting of Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus and Liara, had landed on the planet of Amarinthe, a location they had been provided with by Helena Blake. Shepard and his team had taken out her two syndicate 'partners', and were no about to meet her. They had just entered her facility and were currently standing in the entrance area.
"It kinda bugs me that we get to meet Blake here," Shepard stated. "She should be in C-Sec custody."
"That's how C-Sec works," Garrus commented.
"Yeah well, they had in fact nothing to actually charge her with," Shepard replied. "I don't blame C-Sec; it's just annoying, that's all."
"What are we going to do about her now?" Liara asked.
"I have no doubt we're already watched," Shepard answered, "So this isn't the best place to discuss, well, anything."
"Oh, of course. Sorry, Jonathan," Liara replied.
Shepard shrugged. "Don't worry. Blake can't look into my head. At least, I don't think so."
He walked to the door leading to the interior to the facility and opened it. He seemed to have been right about Blake having already watched them. At least she seemed to have expected him, as she was standing right in front him now on the other side of the door.
"Hello again, Commander Shepard," she said. "I heard that despite our... problems on the Citadel you went through with my proposal. So I owe you a debt of gratitude: With my former partners dead, this syndicate is now mine. I could not have done it without you."
"I am not done yet," Shepard replied. "Your two partners deserved to be brought to justice for their crimes. So I killed them. And now, Helena Blake, I'm placing you under arrest under my authority as a Spectre."
"Surely you don't think that necessary!" Blake argued, "Under my leadership, the syndicate will restrict itself to gambling and smuggling illegal technologies. Petty, victimless crimes." She paused and smiled. "The same type of crimes that kept you alive in the streets of New York, or so I am given to understand, Tenth Street Red. And yet here you stand and want to judge me."
Damn her! Blake seemed to have done her homework on him. And worst of all, she had a point. However, only a small one. "Yeah and look how this turned out," he rebuffed her, "I'm sure you heard about it while in C-Sec custody, the Reds' plans to murder millions of turians. And yet they indeed started out with petty crimes, too."
"There's no profit in mass murder," Blake said. "I would not be so foolish as to go down the same road as a motley collection of street thugs. I have my standards."
"Do you?" Shepard asked. "They can't be very high, seeing as you did cooperate with two slave drivers. You ended that cooperation, yes, but not even yourself - you let me do it. And before, you seemed to have no problems with them."
"I should have acted sooner, yes," Blake conceded. "But if I say that I am in a cut-throat business, then this is not merely a figure of speech. I detest the slave trade, Commander, but I also value my own life. I had to wait for the right opportunity - which was you."
"I'm not saying you don't have a point," Shepard said, "but the extent of your guilt is for the courts to decide, not me. Maybe the fatal termination of cooperation with your two former partners will stand in your favour."
"No matter how lenient the courts might be, I would end up in prison," Blake replied. "I have not come so far just for that to happen! I would die before going to prison. I would most certainly kill before going to prison. Surely the small-time crimes I plan are not worth the risk of that? My men are well equipped to deal with any threats."
At the moment she's not exactly giving me a good reassurance that she'll stick to petty crimes. Her talk and behaviour were those of a ruthless top league criminal, so Shepard did not trust her promise. And even if he had - it was not for him to decide.
"Why, Ms Blake, I believe that was a threat," he responded. "I do see your men are already in position. So are you saying that they would open fire on us if, ah, we tried anything suspicious?" He was pretty sure his squad had understood what he really meant. I always shoot first. No matter whether on Therum, Feros, or now Amarinthe.
"Exactly," Blake confirmed, "I..."
She did not manage to end the sentence. Mass accelerated bullets began to fly around her head, hitting the people in position behind her. Shortly afterward, the squad stormed into the room.
"Liara!" Shepard shouted. The asari understood: Blake was lifted above the battle by a biotic push. The Commander could have done the same, but he was focused on entering combat. He jumped behind a crate to take cover and joined into the shoot-out.
Blake had apparently prepared herself really well. There were surprisingly many mercenaries present to back her up. However, this time there was nothing at stake for any of the squad members. This was just a professional job, not something personal for anybody. Thus there was no reason to rush blindly into enemy bullets. The team could work slowly and methodically. As much as he was able of doing assault charges himself as combatant, as commander and tactican Shepard preferred a defensive style anyway.
After Liara's biotic lift on Blake ended, Ashley stormed out of cover and tried to subdue her. However, Blake proved to have more combat prowess than either Shepard or the Gunnery Chief would have expected, and after a while Ashley had to retreat from a hail of shots aimed at her. Blake rushed to find cover, securely away from Shepard's team.
"Shit!" Shepard cursed. He would have liked to catch at least one of the three crime bosses alive, so that the authorities would have somebody high enough for interrogation, but apparently it was not meant to be.
With both sides now well dug in, the fight became a long drawn and tedious affair. However, the outcome was never in doubt. One by one the mercenaries fell, and the remaining ones withdrew ever more into a corner of the facility. But they don't surrender. Damn them!
In the end, Shepard's squad stormed a makeshift barrier of crates behind which Blake and the two last remaining men of hers were hiding. Shepard saw her taking aim at him, but he shot first. As her shields had already faltered, the shot went right through her stomach. She fell down, and blood spluttered from her mouth. Shepard rushed to her, to see if medi-gel would still help, but it appeared to be too late: The application did not produce any results. Blake looked up to him, and respect shimmered in her eyes. She tried to say something, but that only resulted in more blood flowing out of her mouth. Soon afterward, her eyes closed.
Shepard rose to his feet again. "Damnit!" he cursed, and sighed. "Well, everybody see if they can still find evidence here. Otherwise, we're done."
The search did not bring up much - some computer files, but their use was questionable. It hence did not take the squad long until they returned to the Mako.
Shepard was preparing to jump onto the Normandy again when he said with a further sigh: "Well, we've stretched that out long enough. Time to go to Noveria."
"About time indeed," Ashley muttered.
"I don't like it," Garrus commented, "but maybe it is time. We don't want to give too large a lead to Saren, after all."
Just then, the comm system cracked, and Joker's voice could be heard: "Uh, Commander? There's a call for you from Admiral Hackett. Says he has a job for you. Something about a madman leading a cult of biotics, I, ah, didn't listen that closely. Guess you'll have to hear it from the Admiral himself."
The announcement was greeted with silence in the Mako. Garrus and Ashley looked at each other, unbelieving. Shepard sighed.
"Looks like we're not yet ready for Noveria," he said.