Dedicated to the real life Stella, without whom I would have already lost the plot (in more ways than one)
*'^'*
I am writing this a couple of days after Christmas. I think we have two days left of this year – I am at Val's house which I still don't know the address of...
When I woke up it was to the normal roof I woke up to. Or at least the one I woke up to inside Val's house. Stella was sitting next to me reading a book with her feet propped up on the end of the bed. She looked really bored.
'What on mars happened?' I asked. To her credit, she didn't even jump at my sudden question she just answered without looking up.
'You were knocked out in an epic battle,' she said and turned the page. I looked at the book and realised that she was reading my Skulduggery book.
'So I was knocked out so early in the fight. How was it epic then?' I asked.
'By the fact that you were knocked out,' she replied and turned another page.
'So kind,' I muttered back and sat up. 'So, who was the bad guy and why did they want to kill us all?'
'I seriously don't know., that is the one thing that we all are stubbed about,' she said.
'Wait, they included you in the conversation? They have never done that to me!' I cried. No fair!
'No. I listened through the door.'
'Fair enough. So, what are we going to do –' I stopped as footsteps echoed on the floor. It was only then that I looked outside the window. It was dark. 'Time?' I asked Stella.
'Late enough,' she replied as the door to the room was slowly opened.
'Good,' said the velvety Irish voice. 'You're awake. I had started to get worried there but then it was only a bump to the head,' Skulduggery announced.
'And of course you are always right,' Stella said.
'Of course I am always right. I'm me,' he replied. 'Vintage you need to get ready to see your grand mage again tomorrow to try and work out how the two of you have made it here and managed to escape detection all your lives thus far. I hope that you are not going to show Erskine another story about Val and I.'
Stella nodded and I looked at him like he had just told me that Serpine was alive.
'Yep. And I got none of what you just said. Australian please?' I said and he glared at me.
'Were going to meet Julia!' Stella said and ran out of the room happily. I sighed, got up off the bed and ran out with her.
We all ate dinner and went to bed to put it simply.
Next Day
I woke up and glared at the ceiling. I really didn't want to meet Julia again. The last time I had to punch her. Well I guess it had been coming.
My door was suddenly thrown open and Stella came rushing in.
'We're going to meet Julia!' she yelled a little too happy for that time in the morning.
'Big whoop,' I said and collapsed back onto the bed from where I had managed to get into a sitting up position.
'What am I going to say my name is?' she asked worried. I nearly fell of the bed in fright when she jumped up randomly and said, Vanity.
'Cool,' I muttered and decided that now was about the right time to get out of bed. 'Let's go and burn something in the oven.'
'What are we going to burn,' Vanity (Stella) asked.
'I don't know. What do you think is most likely to set the smoke alarms off the fastest,' I replied and started going through the cupboard.
'Toast,' Vanity replied casually.
'Perfect!' I replied.
Half an hour later I was staring at the toaster wondering when it was going to start burning toast. I had just put the toast in and none of the others were up yet.
Then again, it was only just hitting 7 in the morning. That's what you get when you have two teenagers who are used to waking up at 6 in the morning.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
That's how long it took for the smoke alarms to wake the others up and for them to get to the kitchen. I sat on a stool watching the toaster still and Vanity sat watching the smoke alarm.
We both looked up as swear words were traded and Tanith and Val ran to get towels to get the smoke away from the alarm.
'Maybe you should get a quieter one next time,' I complained, acting as if I had done nothing.
'It is meant to wake us up,' Val said as if she was talking to a really dumb person. But she wasn't. She was just talking to an idiot.
'Yeah and it did. But then again, maybe you should get a quieter one while I am here. I can't cook,' I said and popped the toast out of the toaster and buttered it. After putting it on a plate I offered it to Val.
'Toast?' I asked. She looked at it with her eyes open.
'I have never seen toast that burnt before!' she exclaimed.
'Then you never have seen me cook,' Tanith muttered but I didn't really pay that much attention.
'Well there you go! Today hasn't been a total waste so far,' I said with an innocent smile. Vanity coughed the word bullcrap out.
'Are you sick?' I started at her next.
'Just had something in my throat,' she contradicted and I was disappointed to see that I couldn't go any further with that.
It took another hour for breakfast to be cooked and in that time Skulman arrived.
'What is that burning smell?' were the first words that came out of his mouth.
'I made toast!' I yelled from another room and giggling my head off.
'Smells like you burnt it instead,' Skulduggery yelled back and I took a couple of deep breaths in to stop myself from laughing even more.
'I did offer it to Val afterwards. How kind was I? Offering the first toast of the morning to her!' I started cackling again.
'Yep and it was so burnt I was surprised that it hadn't drifted off in the breeze by then,' Val muttered from her position next to Skul.
'I heard that!' I yelled and walked up most of the stairs before collapsing. I didn't move until I saw someone beside me.
'What are you doing?' Ghastly asked me.
'There are too many stairs!' I complained
'You have two more to go,' he said slightly confused.
'And that is a lot for someone who is as unfit as I am!' I said pretending to be offended.
'Yeah…' Ghastly said uncertain. 'Well,' he tried to continue on, ignoring me. 'I was sent up here to tell you that we are about to leave.'
I nodded, thankful that I had gotten changed before leaving my room.
'Van! We're goin' to go and see big nose!' I yelled out up the stairs as I hauled myself up off them.
'Epic!' she called back and ran down the stairs before me, even though I had the head start.
It took another ten minutes but soon Skul, Val, Vanity and I were in the Bentley and Tanith and Ghastly were on her bike, much to the amusement of everyone other than Ghastly.
Almost imediantly, Vanity and I started to conspire.
'And then…'
'But how is that…'
'…and I have to…'
'Perfect!'
'Her face…'
'Drop dead funny!'
'More!'
I looked up when I saw Skul and Val turn in their seats to look at up.
'What are you both talking about?' Skulduggery asked in his lovely Irish accented voice.
'Wouldn't you like to know,' I replied and got out of the car. It had taken us the whole trip to decide on how Vanity was going to say hi to Julia.
We walked in, did the normal, yes I am meant to be here, hit a couple of people (in my case tripped a couple of random necromancers), and generally hated the long wait.
When we finally managed to get into the room Ghastly already looked bored and I started to wonder if I should show him another Valduggery story just to liven up his day.
As if he had read my mind Skulduggery gave me a glare.
Julia was sitting there looking as regal as ever and I noticed that instead of the black streaks that had been in her hair last time I had seen her it had changed to blonde.
'Another one?' she asked amazed.
'I think I was fate and Vanity was…' I trailed off, I didn't know if I could really say what I wanted to and anyway, I would rather say it just to Skulduggery alone at first to see what he thought of it.
'And who are you?' Julia asked Vanity, just totally ignoring me.
'I'm cool with that,' I muttered and Van gave me a glance to say that our act was starting.
'Good evening sir and or madam,' Vanity said and bowed, adding a slight sway into it. Julia just looked at her with her eyebrows slightly raised.
'I knows that ya just meet me but do ya know whats its likes meeting a greats politician likes ya?' she added and I nearly laughed my head off at that.
'No?' she said.
First stage completed.
Vanity started again.
'Did ya knows that's I laughs at man pain? What a greats and wonderful and terrible and greats and am I repeating meself? Oh wells.'
'Are you drunk?' Julia asked.
'I swear to drunk I'm not god!' Vanity shrieked.
'Sure,' muttered Erskine.
'Do you want to sleep off that before you meet me?' Julia asked. Vanity ignored her and stared at the ceiling.
'Did you know that there is a secret escape route there?' she asked no one and everyone at once, pointing to the ceiling.
'Would you like some water?' Julia tried again looking really scared.
Vanity nodded seeming to think for a moment. 'My dead body would appreciate that,' she said, creeping Julia even more.
But the best thing about that like was that Skulduggery was now staring at her like she had just told him that she was a faceless one.
'Would you mind telling us what you drank?' asked Erskine.
'I'd share my liver but not my drink,' Stella told him solemnly and suddenly spun.
It was an amazing piece of art to watch being made I must say now. She spun, making it look as if she was about to fall. But instead, she spun and hit Julia square in the nose, right where I had hit her before. I leaned forwards to catch Vanity before she actually did hit the ground.
'You both are dead!' Julia slurred through her again broken nose and Vanity shrieked and ran out the door.
'I'm as dead as I want to be,' I replied before following my twin out the door.
*'^'*
Warning for some slight swearing.
I am, snore, sitting here, snore, updating for you all, snore, because I am a, snore, good, snore, person, snore.
For me it is 5:30 in the morning at the moment and I am way too early for all of this shit! Snore.
On Christmas Eve we sit up and watch the carols that are played on T.V.
Then, at ten we start to get ready.
At eleven we leave the house.
At eleven forty-five we arrive at church.
I then attend church from 12 to one.
We talk until two.
We went around, picked up dad from work at 2:30.
Got home at god knows in the morning and I am ready to open presents now.
Show me that you all love this story and review about your normal Christmas day. The person who has the most exciting day (or make me crack up the most) will have their Christmas known in the next chapter and they can do something about the story but I am not too sure yet…
Oh Well.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Alyss Mainwaring