It was just as Tali had thought: Even just two days of regular work had helped her win back some sense of normality. The Normandy would soon arrive again at the Citadel from its mission on Virmire, and in the meantime Tali had worked a great deal to keep the ship maintained and in a good state. It was good to have something orderly and trivial in the middle of all the chaos of recent time.
Not that all had been bad. There had been enough bad, it was true: There was the Virmire mission, and the death of two thirds of the marine detachment, including Kaidan. There was both Shepard and Ashley blaming themselves for the fact, with the Gunnery Chief really tearing herself apart over that, despite Shepard's and Tali's advise to her. That all was bad.
However, on the other hand, Tali had spent the two previous 'night' watches in Shepard's cabin again, together with him. She still was part of the hotbunking schedule, had most of her belongings in the crew locker and so officially nothing had changed, but de facto one could say she had moved into his cabin. Which probably violated an Alliance Navy regulation or two, even though she did not fall under the ban on fraternization. However, Shepard was of course notoriously uncaring about regulations and even she found it very easy not to be too strict with rules in this issue.
That was a rather large and tumultuous change, too, yet she could never call it in any way or form "bad". Still, it was good to have something, like her work, that was not prone to sudden changes, good or bad, coming out of nowhere.
She had just finished the scheduled reactor core analytics, and hence had for the moment nothing more to do in the reactor room. Thus, she gathered some tools and walked upwards to the cargo bay. Garrus had requested her aid. He wanted to run checks on his electronic gear - his omni-tool, his visor, his guns. Tali suspected that he just wanted to keep himself occupied. There was not much data hunting to do at the moment, and there was no Mako to keep maintained anymore, either.
On Virmire, Shepard had contributed the vehicle to the salarians, for the frontal assault on Saren's base that had served as distraction for the Normandy's squad's own infiltration of the facility. That assault had been brutal, with the salarians suffering way higher casualty rates than the Normandy crew, and the Mako had been destroyed in the process. While it would truly be unfair to say Garrus mourned it like one of the casualties, he was somewhat hit by that loss.
Tali found him sitting on a rather large crate. He did not seem be occupied with any work at the moment.
"Hey Garrus," she greeted him, "I brought you the tools you wanted."
"Ah, thanks, Tali", he replied, "Just leave them here, I'll use them... later."
"Aren't you supposed to be working now?" Tali asked. It was mean mostly as teasing, but she did wonder what was on his mind.
"Ah, I suppose," Garrus conceded, "I'm just taking a break. You should, too. In fact, aren't you doing overtime? Again?"
"Yes," she admitted. In fact, maybe she had overdone it a bit in her quest for normalcy the past two days. And yet, after Virmire, she just felt compelled to do her best. Even more so than usual. "If going to Ilos is as difficult as Liara says it is, we need the ship to be in top condition."
"Its engineers, too." Garrus pointed out. "What's Jonathan saying about that? He can't be too happy if every time you come to his cabin you're too exhausted to do anything else. I'm sure he'd also want to do other things with you."
Wait what? Tali crossed her arms and slightly tilted her head. While she was reasonably sure Garrus had not actually meant it that way, it still had been a stupid thing to say.
And the turian realized that. "Ah... this didn't come out right at all," he admitted,"I didn't mean to - look, I'll just, what's the human expression, put a heat sink into my mouth?"
"Foot," Tali corrected.
"Foot? Hm, I didn't know humans were that... flexible," Garrus mused.
"Maybe you should try that out one of those days," Tali suggested with barely concealed amusement.
"I... oh," Garrus started before interrupting himself. "Ah, I don't think so. No offence, but these bumpy things on the front human females, asari and well, you, have, it's not really all that attractive by turian standards."
"Breasts," Tali pointed out. "They're called breasts."
"I know that," Garrus claimed, "At least Jon is lucky then you have them like human females."
That left Tali baffled once again. "I... don't know if I should tell you again to put your foot into your mouth, or be happy that you at least aren't as stiff anymore as when we both came aboard," she stated.
"Ah, let's agree on the latter?" Garrus suggested. "I don't think two feet would fit inside my mandibles anyway. "
"No, hold on," Tali said, "I'm trying to imagine that."
"Very funny, Tali," Garrus commented wryly. "We're very shortly at the Citadel, you know that? I think you should call it a day, I don't think you'll still get much work done."
"All right," Tali conceded, "I'm done with my duties in Engineering anyway. Might as well make myself more comfortable."
"Sit down then, if you want," Garrus said, pointing to the plenty of crate surface still free.
"Sure, why not," Tali replied. She had not spoken to the turian in some time, and was curious what was on his mind. After all, they were shipmates.
While she lifted herself onto the crate's edge and sat down, Garrus continued: "You're right. I didn't fit quite in when I first came aboard. But I've learned a lot from Jonathan. I'm really grateful to him. For taking me along, letting me be part of his team."
"I know what you mean," Tali stated. "Well, obviously I do. But really, he just had no choice but to take us along. Wrex' collection of aliens wouldn't be complete without us."
"Hm, yeah, that's true," Garrus agreed humorously. "It gave me a chance to watch Jonathan. It's odd. We disagreed a lot at first, but we do have very similar attitudes. I think that helped me to come clean with some things."
"Such as?" Tali asked.
"Both he and I have an intense dislike for criminals and evildoers getting away," Garrus explained, "However, for me preventing that had begun to become a purpose in itself. It shouldn't be, though. C-Sec, my detective work, hunting down criminals - it should be all about protecting the population. So sacrificing innocents for the sake of hunting criminals is just wrong. If the people I'm sworn to protect don't trust me, then I don't deserve to protect them."
"Jon definitely would agree with that," Tali said.
"C-Sec needs all those rules which I've always hated, and still do, to protect innocents," Garrus continued, "At the same time, if those rules protect hurting innocents they need to be broken, as Jonathan does. So it's not about those regulations, as I've always thought. They're just a tool. It's about protecting the people."
"But you still don't like them?" Tali prompted, "The rules I mean?"
"No," Garrus answered, "I see now why C-Sec needs to be the way it is, but I don't think I'll fit in there. Making me conform to them is like trying to fit a square inside a circle. It just doesn't work. I don't think I'll return to there."
"What will you do instead?" Tali inquired.
"I don't know," Garrus admitted. "I'm thinking about reapplying for Spectre training. That would probably kill my father, but so far his advise in life for me has rarely turned out for the better. Or I could just stay with Jon. We will defeat Saren, but even then his mission won't be over yet. I know he'll just go on to find a way to stop the Reapers, and I think I can help him in that. If he let me stay aboard."
"I see no reason why he shouldn't," Tali said truthfully. "But don't tell him how you've come around to his line of thought. His ego is already sufficiently big as is."
"I'll keep that in mind," Garrus stated amused. "You're the expert in this." And after a pause: "And speaking of the spirit - or Spectre, in this case."
Tali turned around, and indeed Shepard came just walking out of the elevator. He wore his dress uniform, and looked very elegant in it. Both she and Garrus waved him over. As he came nearer Tali saw that not only he wore his dress uniform, but all orders and merits he had won, too, including the Star of Terra.
"Ah, who do you want to impress, Jon?" she hence greeted him.
"The Council," he admitted matter-of-factly, "Bad enough that I made the Alliance my enemy, maybe I should try to remain in good standing with them."
"A Commander Shepard who is mindful of authorities?" Garrus asked in jest, "What's the galaxy coming to?"
"Must be Tali's bad influence," Shepard joked, "You know, practical thinking and all that." Tali stroke a defiant pose in response, but that was just playing along with the joke. "Speaking of which, good that I found you here, Tali. I was going to look down at Engineering for you; spares me the walk. We're about to dock at the Citadel. I assume you two wouldn't want to hang around here while we're at the centre of the galaxy."
"You forget that I've seen a fair bit of it in my time," Garrus replied.
"Now that's just being grumpy," Shepard commented with a laugh, "What about you, Tali? I need to deliver my report to the Council, face-to-face, but I assume the Normandy will stay docked here some days. We need to stock up on quite many supplies. Enough time for us to visit some of the nicer places."
"Ah, that sounds good," Tali said. Quarian culture did not have much of a concept of "dating", if only because there were not exactly many places on an overcrowded and overaged ship one could go to for a date. However, she appreciated that she would spend some nice time with Shepard, and that he wanted to spend time with her, so it amounted to much the same. "It appears you're already prepared to go out."
"Yeah, the meeting with the Council will not be all too long after docking, so I already dressed for the event," Shepard explained. He grinned. "And of course, you're always already dressed for any event."
Tali harrumphed. "We quarians are practical that way."
Thus, not even half an hour later, Shepard and Tali were walking through the Normandy's docking unit to enter Dock 422, the dock the human embassy had reserved exclusively for them. The Citadel. Again. Though something would be different this time. She shot a quick glance to Shepard and grinned.
It made Tali wonder. The crew of the Normandy already knew about the relationship between her and the Commander. However, they were indeed the crew - shipmates. Even if bonds were not as strong as on a quarian ship, one could still trust them with such knowledge. Now, however, was the first time the two would appear in public since their decision to try a relationship.
Showing that would probably mean encountering more than just the usual prejudices I'd face anyway, Tali thought grumpily. And now they'll target him, too. Better for now to keep this hidden, so that...
Her thoughts stopped when she felt Shepard taking her hand. Apparently, he had come to different conclusions. She turned her head around and found him grinning.
"What?" he asked provocatively.
What indeed? Maybe she was too fretful. He was Commander Shepard, first Human Spectre, and she was Tali'Zorah nar Rayyah, and had defeated geth, technozombies and planet spanning plant minds. Let people talk. Then again...
Noticing her hesitation, Shepard said softly: "Or we could treat it like a secret affair. That can be quite exciting. In any case it's up to you; don't think there's pressure."
"It's not about me," Tali answered securely. She knew now what the problem was. "I can live with people looking and talking. And so can you, I think. But what about your mission? Any kind of rumours and scandals could endanger it. And realistically, this will be seen as scandalous." She shook her head. "We always have to think about the mission first."
"Do we?" Shepard pressed on.
His damn idealism. That was one of the reasons she loved him - but sometimes he could be quite childlike about it. "Yes," she stated decisively.
"Pity," Shepard commented, grinned again, and let go of her hand. With some self-deprecating amusement Tali realized that despite all her protests she had not let go before.
They had reached the end of the dock when Shepard exclaimed: "Well, let's see what the Citadel..."
He was interrupted mid-sentence by a female voice: "Commander Shepard! Miss Zorah!"
Tali spun around. An assassin most likely would not have announced her presence like that, but after the incident at the Flux the quarian was always somewhat paranoid. However, it was no assassin. Instead Tali saw Anita Goyle hurrying towards her and Shepard.
"Ah, Miss Goyle," Shepard greeted the the ex-ambassador to the Citadel when she had closed up to them, "A surprise to see you here."
"When I heard the Normandy was coming to the Citadel I rushed to her designated dock as quickly as possible," Goyle answered, "It seems I made it just so in time to catch you."
"Indeed. What are you doing on the Citadel?" Shepard asked.
"Oh, both the ExoGeni case and the BAaT case are keeping me quite busy," Goyle explained, "So you could say I'm here on Shepard affairs."
Shepard chuckled in response. "Good to see somebody cares about them." He seemed to ponder that. "What with me chasing through the galaxy I haven't had much opportunity to catch up on those matters. Maybe you could get me updated."
"Oh certainly, if you want," Goyle agreed, "There's a nice little asari café not too far away from here. I think that would be appropriate."
Shepard raised an eyebrow at that formulation, but did not comment on it. Instead he said: "Hm, I have some time until my audience with the Council. What do you say, Tali?"
"I think you just want to hear further success stories about you," Tali teased. "However, since you have to face the Council afterwards, you might as well begin your stay on the Citadel with something positive."
She was somewhat disappointed that Goyle had interrupted her time with Shepard, but only slightly - the two would still have enough time on the Citadel later on, and besides Tali was quite curious what the ex-ambassador had to say, too. She had been involved in these cases, too, after all, and they were very important to the Commander.
"Ah, you caught me," Shepard said amused, "Well, then let's go."
The café was indeed only some steps away from the docks, and yet obviously upper-class. Asari waitresses moved swiftly and elegantly between the tables standing outside, and the décor was very high quality, yet also very guarded and low-key. Tali noticed that the waitresses displayed an immense sense of professionalism - yet each of them would look now and then in their direction as they approached. Or, as she realized a moment later, at Shepard. They recognize him.
The three sat down at one table. After only a very short a while, Shepard and Goyle could each order a drink, non-alcoholic in both cases. As always, Tali was rather excluded from such business, but getting a drink was not why she had come to here anyway. She was curious about what Goyle had to say, and she wanted to spend time with Shepard. A drink would merely have been a bonus.
Goyle did not comment on Tali's presence. The quarian began to wonder how much she might maybe suspect, but then mentally scolded herself for being so irrationally paranoid.
After the ordered items arrived, Shepard began: "I admit it's nice here, but what did you mean with appropriate?"
"In case you haven't noticed yet, Commander, you're rather popular with the asari right now," Goyle pointed out.
"The BAaT case?" Shepard concluded after a short consideration. It was a logical conclusion: What else could have made Shepard so obviously well known to the asari here?
"Indeed," Goyle confirmed, "However, let me best start at the beginning. The ExoGeni case."
"I'm all ears," Shepard prompted.
"Where to begin exactly? You really have started an avalanche," Goyle explained, "With the trial in all news, others have come forth with more abuses committed by ExoGeni. Nothing as bad as what happened on Feros, but it's substantial. That's a well known effect, of course: Somebody starts to raise his voice, and then everybody who had held back so far follows. And thus, hardly a week passes by without a new ExoGeni scandal being uncovered."
"And the media report those cases?" Shepard inquired.
"Indeed. Observant of you to notice," Goyle answered, "The other megacorps have more or less given up on ExoGeni as a lost case. There just is no suppressing the truth in this matter anymore, so might as well report it in length to gain credibility for the own media facilities. It certainly doesn't help that ExoGeni is leaving every planet where it faces difficulties, abandoning them to the wild like they have done with the Feros colony as well. I don't know why they continue reacting that was; that's a lot of bad press for them, too. And then the assassination of Emily Wong - nothing has been proven yet, but it's clear to everybody ExoGeni was behind it."
Shepard's face darkened, as did his voice. "They were. And they'll pay for it." He said it so icily that Tali was quite glad not be part of ExoGeni.
However, Goyle seemed to be less affected by that. Instead she confidently replied: "Oh they will, no doubt. The court case is dragging on and on, but no matter how it turns out, ExoGeni surely cannot be salvaged anymore. If not the trial, then the bad press will ruin it. I know, due to my past career, that ExoGeni is not substantially worse than how other megacorps operate, too, but since everything is coming into the open now they're quickly turning into an archetype of organized evildoers in public perception. I see no way how this will end without ExoGeni being broken up."
"Good. Good," Shepard commented.
"It will take time, though," Goyle cautioned. "That's the problem. ExoGeni can't win anymore, but they can make it all a very drawn out and expensive affair. Fortunately, donations continue to pour in, and I have nearly finished the paperwork to start a foundation for all this, as we've talked about."
"Good. Now, what about the BAaT case?" Shepard asked.
"Ah, you really outdid yourself there," Goyle congratulated the Commander, "You started an avalanche in the ExoGeni case, but with this case the most appropriate metaphor would probably be you stirred up a nest of hornets. Or hundreds of them."
"So what's happening? On Earth, elsewhere?" Shepard prompted.
Goyle hesitated. She sighed, and answered: "I'm sorry to say, but what probably amounts to a majority of humans regard you as a traitor. There is great outrage on Earth, but most is about you, not what you have actually uncovered."
"As I've feared," Shepard answered gravely, "People care more about their precious reputation then what actually has happened."
"It's not all bad," Goyle said, "Support for your cause is growing, after people discovered some hints to links between Alliance and Conatix concerning deliberate eezo contaminations in your files. It's admittedly rather vague stuff, hinting at the involvement of some sort of secret society as a third party, but it has definitely gotten people's attention, at least."
"Deliberate contaminations?" Shepard asked unbelieving. That he had not discovered in the files. "Damn. Just as Kaidan suspected. This gets ever worse."
"It does," Goyle agreed. "And don't think there's no support for your cause at all. There is, and is considerable. Especially the current European government has been very insistent in its criticism of the Alliance. Mostly due to the pressure of the junior coalition partner in the government, but still, it's something. The EU has demanded full disclosure from the Alliance about every single European citizen who has been forced into the BAaT program, and has vaguely threatened unspecified financial sanctions should the Alliance not comply."
"Well, finally a government who takes its mandate of protecting and caring for its citizens seriously," Shepard commented.
"Latin America, too, is mostly in support of you," Goyle continued, "The other national governments... not so much. China and Nusantara strongly disapprove, and North America, the CIS, the Arab League and India outright condemn you. However, there is much spontaneous social activism, often at street level, in support of you and the BAaT victims and against the Alliance. Things are really tumultuous back home at the moment, Commander."
"Hm. But it appears not tumultuous enough to force the Alliance's hand," Shepard concluded.
"No," Goyle confirmed, "All that does not change the fact that most people are outraged about you, that you would publish classified Alliance secrets, and not the Alliance."
"Yes," Shepard answered darkly. "More outraged about revealing the mass crimes, rather than the crimes themselves. Fucking human nature. Why people like Udina or Terra Firma claim we humans are oh so special I don't know. It seems to me rather stuff like this is our true nature. People don't care if other people are hurt, they only care about that they can feel good about themselves. Utter emotional egoism."
Shepard's voice had remained oddly even and calm during his rant, despite the importance of the topic for him. But then, he has foreseen this. He's only stating facts as he's seeing them. Yet, Tali could not agree with it. "Not all humans are like that," she pointed out softly.
"We're individuals of course," Shepard conceded, "But if there's something specifically human it's that."
Again it was said matter-of-factly, without rancor, but yet Tali was still shocked that Shepard would think so. Maybe Goyle was, too, but she remained politely silent. Tali however asked: "Do you really think so?"
"Look at our institutions," Shepard argued, "Alliance, Cerberus, ExoGeni..."
"But the Alliance is your government..." Tali pointed out. But even she herself could see how weak that counter was.
"I've read the files Burns gave me access to," Shepard answered. Now finally his emotions seemed to break through his so far calm exterior. He spoke fiercer - argumentative, but at the same time pleading. "I saw the vids. I talked with the victims. I can tell you, Tali, I don't give a single damn about the Alliance anymore. If they were to fall right now, I wouldn't care at all."
An uncomfortable silence followed that announcement. None of the three dared speak up, causing the moment to become quite awkward.
Finally, it was Tali who broke the silence. "I understand," she said simply. And she did. After all what Shepard had experienced it became understandable to her that he would think so. However, that did not mean she liked it. Not at all.
"You still wear the uniform," Goyle pointed out carefully.
"For now," Shepard qualified, "I need the Alliance as my supplier. But they can't expect any loyalty from me." He seemed to have caught himself again, speaking again as if he were discussing a far away philosophical issue. However, Tali was sure that that the Commander was not nearly half as calm on the inside.
"I know the Alliance isn't perfect by far," Goyle argued, "But without it we'd be at the tender mercy of the Council."
"Can't be any worse," Shepard stated. "I mean, I'm under no illusions where the Council's priorities lie - with their own races. Nonetheless, they have ruled the galaxy for millennia, and yet races like the hanar and elcor are still independent and determining their own fate."
"True. Unless races stumble over something," Tali pointed out, "Then the Council kicks them down. Look at what happened to us and the krogan."
"But if the Alliance is supposed to be the protection... the vaccine against that, than the vaccine is worse than the disease," Shepard answered. "But enough of that. We never really expected pressure from within.. That there is some at least is already a victory. What we counted on was pressure from without. Is there any?"
Goyle nodded. She had remained detached during the whole discussion, and could hence continue to giving a calm presentation of facts, aided by her years of experience as a diplomat. "Oh, yes. That indeed is where the important developments take part. Your leaked data had a great impact on asari society. That's why I said it's appropriate to come here. For the asari, you're the hero of the hour."
"Well, I'm glad, but - well, how's that?" Shepard asked.
"Cynics might say asari, at least the general population if not necessary their leaders, have bleeding hearts anyway," Goyle explained, "But it's more. What, besides their ability to mindmeld with everybody, is what's so special about asari? Their natural biotic talents of course. No other race has that, it's a very specific asari thing. Thus, they do have a sort of tendency to empathize with biotics of other races. Oh, and a story of a rebellious individual standing up for what's right against all odds - they love such stories on Thessia."
"So what happened?" Shepard inquired.
"The report about the data you leaked created some outrage in asari space," Goyle went on, "I mean, we shouldn't overstate it. It's simply the scandal of the week for the asari, probably nothing more. But it is that, at least. That's another reason why it had such impact in asary society, probably: It's a very fast-moving society, with fast changing trends and headlines. The whole case probably won't even be mentioned anymore in asari media in a month, but as it is there is a broad consensus in asari society that what happened on Gagarin Station was a massive crime."
"Go on," Shepard prompted.
"Asari society is a very direct democracy," Goyle continued, "Matriarchs greatly influence everybody's opinions, but nonetheless principally the broad population is who determines asari politics. And thus, pressured by the broad population, the asari Councillor had to raise the issue at the Council. Now, the turians - they're quite the opposite. Their common population doesn't care at all what happened at Gagarin Station. In fact, they don't even get what the fuss is about - it were just standard turian training practices. Done by turians, too, so surely they knew what they were doing. However, with the turians, in stark contrast to the asari, the common population doesn't matter at all. And their political leaders see this as a prime opportunity to diplomatically harass the Alliance, thus on the Council the turians agree with the asari."
"I don't exactly like the Hierarchy's system, but if it indirectly serves to help justice now, I'll have no problems with that," Shepard commented.
"So, the asari raised the issue due to genuine, if probably short-lived anger with the situation, the turians joined out of pure political opportunism, and the salarians - of all Council races, the Alliance has the closest ties to them, and the salarians really don't care at all, neither people nor leader, but they won't vote against an obvious majority," Goyle concluded, "Not that it matters, but they will help maintain an unified front of the Council to the outside."
"Sounds like the Alliance is in for some troubling times," Shepard said. There was a certain undertone to it that made it plain he enjoyed that prospect.
"It is," Goyle confirmed, "Ambassador Udina has sought to turn the current situation - the geth attacks on human colonies, a turian rogue Spectre and all that - to the Alliance's advantage, but your leak has given the Council a prime pretext to simply ignore him. He's diplomatically isolated currently. He thought he could gain power, have the Council handle the situation 'with his help', but instead now the Council is not communicating with him more than is necessary. He's not even getting face to face audiences."
Shepard laughed. Now it was quite obvious that he was enjoying that fact. "Nice," he commented. "Well, I do get audiences, so I'm sorry but you two will have to excuse me. The Council is waiting for me." He nodded to them in departing, and then left.
000000
Shepard stood at a railing at the Presidium Lake and looked out onto it, as he mulled over the report Goyle had given him. It had been nothing less than what he had expected. He thus could not be shocked or outraged that most people cared more about the revelation of abuses than the abuses themselves. Yet, it painted humanity in a rather dark shade.
They see us all just as tools, us biotics. If we have eezo nodules, we are just expected to use them "for the greater good". Apparently even if it means kidnapping and abuses. And even the Ascension Project is still the same in that regard - if one has eezo nodules, one is simply expected to go to there. As a child. Even if one would rather become a craftsman, an academician or an artist. It's just wrong.
Shepard had been neither to BAaT nor to the Ascension Project, but instead gone through a military training program, but yet the more he thought about that he felt enraged about the thought. It was the same with him - the Navy had taken him on with no questions due to his biotics. Which of course had meant he had been compelled to train them. Not that he had minded, but now that he thought about it - the thought that everybody just expected biotically gifted people to become actually biotics with implants and training and all, the assumption they would just do so, rankled him.
They see me as just a tool, too.
His hands gripped the railing hard. He shook his head to clear his mind. He would have to think about that later. He did not like to be considered a tool at all, but for now he had more pressing issues. If Saren reached his goal, this all would not matter anyway. Yet, Shepard refused to simply not care about these matters. I have to work under the assumption that we win, that the galaxy will go on. And that means I have to take every opportunity to make it a juster galaxy.
And really, it was not like he went out of his way to set wrongs right. It just so happened that apparently these issues came to him, landed in his lap, including opportunities to set things right. And it would be, in Shepard's judgement, irresponsible not to use those opportunities.
He sighed. There was no point in dwelling on the shortcomings of his race. The Council would see to it that the Alliance would be forced to dispense at least some justice, and some reparations. And he had to admit, he had liked hearing about the Alliance's upcoming troubles and about Udina's diplomatic isolation. The Council was in no way perfect, but at the moment he would rather defer to them than to the Alliance.
He still had time until the audience. He had left early enough, because he really did not want to further annoy the Council with anything, not even just a small delay or the risk of one. It was bad enough that he had made the Alliance his enemy, and that he undoubtedly had. Thus, after his transport shuttle arrived at the Citadel Tower he could walk up the steps to it in a slow, dignified manner.
Nonetheless, the Council kept him waiting in their audience chamber. Of course - it was a very blunt method to display authority and power, but also a very effective one. Thus, Shepard was for now all alone in the Council Chamber. It was the first time he was here without Udina. The Ambassador really seemed to have been isolated. Shepard grinned about that. He did not mind the wait. It allowed him to collect his thoughts, to concentrate his mind on the matter of Saren and the Reapers. Not that the Council would believe him about either topic.
Finally the three Councillors appeared, as always far removed from the bridge he was standing on.
"Commander Shepard," the asari Councillor greeted him, "welcome back to the Citadel. We hope your stay will be less troubling for you than your last one."
On his last visit to the Citadel, Shepard had survived an assassination attempt at Flux, and had been forced to battle off an entire group of attackers. So far his stay had certainly been better than that indeed. "Thank you, Councillor. I hope so, too. There is a lot of things I need to prepare."
"We know," the salarian Councillor stated. "We have studied your reports and attached video evidence in depth again. We still do not fully agree with your version of events. However we have come to the conclusion that Saren has become too great a threat to be just ignored."
"Patrols are stationed at every mass relay linking the Terminus Systems to Citadel space," the turian Councillor explained. "Additionally, we have stocked up naval forces around the Citadel itself."
"If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel, as you believe, we will be ready for him," the asari Councillor concluded.
Apparently I was wrong. They did believe him about Saren. At least partly. Finally. Shepard did not quite know what to make of that. He decided to simply tell what he thought: "That's... a surprising turn. Or at least to me. But it's certainly good to know. I also sent you a report that Saren's next aim will be Ilos. Is the Council taking action about this, too?"
"Ilos is deep within the Terminus Systems and severed from the main mass relay network," the salarian Councillor answered, "Any fleet would have to traverse the Terminus for weeks. This would pose a significant logistic problem alone, especially as Ilos is also in the Thirty Parsec Zone."
"Additionally, there is no way that the Terminus Clans will remain passive for months while a Citadel fleet scours through their space," the asari Councillor continued, "This would not just pose the risk of war, this would most certainly mean war."
"Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy," the turian Councillor claimed. "With him exposed, he is no longer a threat. You served us well in this case, Shepard, but Spectres are not our only tool. It's time you let us handle the situation now."
"I understand the problem," Shepard replied. "But I disagree with your estimation, councillor. Saren is still a danger, exposed or not. Thus I do think it's up to me again."
"The Spectre charter allows you complete freedom in your actions, if you think they're for the good of Citadel space," the salarian Councillor conceded, "As long as you deliver results, what you do is not our concern."
"However, we do strongly advise you to refrain from attempting to reach Ilos," the asari Councillor said. "As your various political scandals have shown, not to mention the detonation of a nuclear device on Virmire, subtlety is not your style. The style you have served you well in the Traverse, but matters regarding the Terminus require a more deft hand."
"I'll... consider that advise," Shepard replied politely. Consider it, and discard it. It was good that the Council had begun to show some sense, but they still seemed too engrossed in everyday political considerations to understand what was at stake.
"We cannot force you not to go, Shepard," the turian Councillor admitted. "However, you should also keep in mind that your operations depend on having the right equipment and supplies."
Shepard raised an eyebrow at that. What does he mean by that? However, before he could comment on it the asari Councillor said: "Indeed. Commander Shepard, your audience with the Council is at an end. Good luck to you."
Shepard nodded, slightly bowed, and left the Council Chamber.
He still pondered what the turian Councillor had said as he walked down the stairs of the Citadel Tower. Lost in thought, he looked down at his feet as they went down stair by stair. When he briefly looked up, he saw Ambassador Udina standing in front the stairs.
He was accompanied by two security guards. Both were muscle-clad giants, one male and one female. Genetic augmentation, and lots of it. Probably organic augmentation, too. Hiring such very specialised experts was not cheap. Udina must have been afraid of him. And not without reason. However, Shepard thought the best way to 'attack' the ambassador was to completely ignore him, make him feel irrelevant and pointless.
Thus, he simply began to walk past Udina, saying just: "Excuse me."
"Shepard, where do you think you're going?" the ambassador asked aggressively.
"Council business, not your concern," Shepard answered with the greatest disinterest as he passed by him and his gorillas.
"If you want to head back to the Normandy, forget it," Udina said.
Surprised, Shepard turned around. There was something in Udina's voice which made the Commander sure the ambassador was not bluffing. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"It's plain you intent to cross the Terminus System in your crazy hunt for Saren," Udina answered. "The Council doesn't like it."
"And how would you know?" Shepard asked. He forced a triumphant and provocative grin on his face. "Don't try to pretend, Udina, I know you're out of favour with the Council."
The provocation seemed to work. "And whose fault is this?" Udina exploded. "The whole episode with Saren could have been an opportunity for humanity to gain standing and prestige, but you ruined it with your petty crusades and -"
Shepard had planned to present a calm and superior outside to the Ambassador, but his temper again got the better of him. Enraged, he took a step forward, which cut off the ambassador and made his guard gorillas twitch slightly. "Petty? You have the gall to call that petty? The Alliance lost standing yes - deservedly so. Not because I revealed matters, but because of what I revealed. Because you systematically abused children, dumped them and covered it all up. Because you let Conatix deliberately mass poison entire populations. Because you destroyed lives. I couldn't give the slightest fuck about your standing."
"So I see," Udina answered calmly. His voice dripped with disdain. "But at times the Council does still contact me, and I do know they're displeased. They won't tell you not to go into the Terminus, that's not how they work. But don't think that kissing up to the aliens has made them your friends. They'll use and discard you as a tool as they see fit."
"Is that all you have to say?" Shepard asked. He was not willing to give Udina a stage from where to rant.
"As it so happens that coincides with Alliance interests," Udina continued. "Did you really think we'd continue to supply a ship for your personal use after all you've done?"
"No. Not really," Shepard admitted.
"If that's true then at least you retained some foresight," Udina said, "Even if you didn't act on it. All primary systems of the Normandy have been locked out, and you're suspended as her CO. The formal proceedings to kick you out of the Navy altogether already have begun."
What? And Shepard's second thought: That's why he was so sure of himself! The third thought: But without the Normandy I can't catchSaren. And the fourth: Udina is dooming all of us!
Shepard ordered his thoughts and said through clenched teeth: "If you truly communicate with the Council you know what's at stake!"
"Your tall tales about Reapers?" Udina asked. "Nobody is believing you, Shepard. Not the Council, not the Alliance, and certainly not I. Your rise to Spectre status was a political opportunity for humanity. Now, I have to take care of damage control, limit the mess you've made."
"Yes. Politics," Shepard spat out. "Power. Your own standing. That's all you care about. That's all the entire Alliance cares about."
"We..." Udina began, but Shepard did not let him continue.
"You don't care at all about the people," the Commander continued. Oh whatever, might as well say everything I have to say now. "You don't care about humanity! You let the megacorps run roughshod over the population. You colonize far away worlds you know you can't defend, so that every years hundreds are carried off by batarians as slaves. And even if they're not they're living in fucking container villages, but hey, human expansion!" His voice became icier and threatening. "You cover up atrocities, planned mass murderers. You commit mass murders and atrocities yourself to get biotically gifted children you can then use as mere tools. You created organizations like Cerberus who have begun to kill off entire colonies. You systematically tortured children." He breathed heavily and took a pause. "The Alliance only cares for the standing of its elites. It doesn't care about humanity at all."
That's it. If the Alliance wants me out, fine. I don't think I can repair this relationship anyway.
"The Alliance..." Udina tried again, but was interrupted again.
"I'm done with you," Shepard announced.
Something in the way the Commander said so made Udina hesitate. "What do you mean?"
"This." Shepard reached to his shoulders and ripped off the hook-and-loop fastened rank insignia. "Your precious 'Alliance' stands for everything that's wrong in human affairs." He threw the insignia to Udina's feet. "I'm ashamed to have been associated with you. I'm ashamed to have accepted medals from you." With one smooth and quick hand movement he ripped off his star of Terra and threw it to the ambassador's feet as well. "I'm done with you. The Alliance means nothing to me anymore."
And with that he turned and left Udina behind, not waiting to hear another word from him.
He set a stiff walking pace to get back to Dock 422, Normandy's dock, as quickly as possible. His mind was in turmoil. He had been in the Alliance Navy for eleven years now. And this was the end of it. Throwing his insignia and medal to Udina's feet was a mere symbolic gesture, but either he or the Navy would soon officially sever their connection, so much was clear.
However the only problem Shepard had with that was how it inconvenienced his mission . I wouldn't want to work for such an organization anymore anyway. Yet the thought of what losing the Normandy meant - Saren being free to operate on Ilos, finding the Conduit, unleashing the Reapers on the galaxy - that was a hard thought to bear.
When he arrived at the dock, he saw guards at the entrance to the ship. However, they let him pass without comment. Inside, he was already awaited by Pressly and Ashley. And he had never seen the Navigator so incensed as now.
"I hope you're happy now," the XO greeted Shepard. Such lack of respect was unusual for him. Very unusual. He must be really angry. "I told you this would happen. I can't even fault the Alliance here!"
Ashley, on the other hand, simply seemed tired. "Maybe not," she said, "But you know what happens if we don't catch Saren. Skipper, we must find a way to free the ship. It doesn't matter what you've done, if we can't get the Normandy into the air, we're all doomed."
"That much is true," Pressly admitted stiffly, "We must focus on the mission, no matter what happened. I disagree with what you've done, Commander, but if you can get the Normandy airborne again you have my support. " And with that he turned and simply walked off.
Shepard felt a bit rolled over by that reception, and could only shook his head. Truth was he had no idea what to do. And truth was indeed that this all was his doing - he had given the Alliance ample reason to take the ship away from him.
"So any ideas what to do?" Ashley asked.
"I'll think of something," Shepard answered weakly. "I only just learned about this myself."
"They herd us here, hold us under house arrest," Ashley reported. "At the moment most of the crew is being questioned at the embassy. You and the aliens are free to go and leave as you see fit, since you're a Spectre and they're not under Alliance authority." There was an obvious hint of accusation in her explanation. They're penned in here because of what I've done, while I can move freely. And worst of all, I have no idea how to get them out of this situation.
"I see," the Commander answered, "I... will think of something". And with that he slumped away.
Shepard realized he already had used up a good potion of his emotional reserves in the confrontation with Udina. Now he just did not know what to do. He slumped away from Ashley and started an impromptu tour of the ship. Indeed all systems had been locked out from ship-side control. As he strolled through the decks, he keenly felt the looks of the crew of him. His head sunk ever lower as he continued the tour. Even the lockers had been sealed, as he discovered on the crew deck. They had even locked away the equipment he needed!
That was too much. Despite having provoked all this, and being quite aware of that fact, Shepard felt betrayed. The Council and Alliance not only withdrew support from him - that would have been understandable. They even deliberately sabotaged his efforts! And that could doom them all.
In frustration he shook at the locker's doors, but they did not open a single centimetre. And with the Normandy being under the control of the powerful Citadel computer networks, probably not even Tali could hack the locks open. He hammered his fist against a locker door a last time and then buried his face into his hands. He had to admit defeat for now. He leaned against the locker and slowly slid down, so far down that he was half sitting leaned at the locker, and half lying down.
That was when he realized Tali approaching. He looked up and tried to force a smile, but as much as he was glad to see her he could not manage to do so.
"Jon, I heard what happened," Tali spoke up.
Shepard sighed and answered: "I guess it was bound to happen. The Alliance had to react eventually."
"It's not just the Alliance," Tali argued, "The Council knew what Udina would do. They let the Alliance take over the dirty job of getting you grounded. They'd have done it themselves if necessary."
"Yeah, probably true," Shepard conceded, "I'm politically inconvenient to them, too. They're busy playing their petty little games while the galaxy soon burns."
"There must be some way to get to Illos," Tali insisted, "You still have most necessary things: Your Spectre rank, your data, your crew, even most of the important equipment. We all stand loyal to you, Jon. All we need is some way to get to Ilos."
"Hah, but that's the hardest part," Shepard said tiredly. "I just don't know..."
Tali walked up to him, sat down besides him and took his hand. "You don't now," she said. "But so far you've always figured something out. If anybody can bring us through this it's you. I know that to be true. I trust you."
"That's much stock you put in me," Shepard answered, "Even though it was me who put us into this situation." He was glad Tali was here, and her words were soothing, but he could not share her optimism at all. Does she really think I can turn this around? How?
"If you hadn't antagonized the Alliance, the Council would still not believe you about the Reapers," Tali pointed out. "It's just how they are. They'd rather look the other way to pretend everything is going all right. It was the same with us and the geth."
"A history lesson? Now?" Shepard asked dismissively, but caught himself immediately: "Ah, I'm sorry, it's... it's just..."
"So damn frustrating," Tali completed the sentence for him. "I know how that is. After all you've been through you have a right to be frustrated. I... I don't know how much help I can be to you. But I'm here for you."
Shepard smiled, and this time it wasn't forced. "Don't think I don't know so. You always have been since our journey started."
"Not everybody gets to be the big saviour of the galaxy," Tali said humorously, "I do what I can."
Shepard sighed again and began: "Which is really more than what I..."
"Don't!" Tali interrupted him surprisingly sternly. "You're lost and frustrated now. You're allowed to. Even you need a break now and then. But you will figure something out. And I'll be here at your side until then, so long as you need me."
Shepard's inner resistance melted. Maybe I will. Since Tali sat upright while he lolled half on the ground, the height difference between them was nullified. He leaned his head at her shoulder and sighed. For now I can rest. Tomorrow I'll think of something.
That was not to be, though. After a while, Joker's voice came through the ship's comm system: "Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson."
Shepard sighed and looked to Tali. "Back to business, it seems," the quarian commented.
"Seems so," Shepard answered and stood up. He helped Tali come up, too, and asked: "What is it, Joker?"
"The message said that Anderson wants to meet you in Flux," the Flight Lieutenant answered.
"Flux? Bad choice of location," Shepard commented.
"Hey, can you see the Captain as big club goer?" Joker asked, "No? Me, either. Who knows, maybe he just doesn't know any other."
"You should go," Tali urged. "It can only be better than to sit around here being depressed."
"I will. Let's go." He looked down and grinned abashed. "That is, I'd like to take you up on your word that you'd be at my side."
In response Tali took Shepard's hand and gestured him to move. Shepard raised his eyebrow, but the quarian merely said: "Gladly."
The two did catch looks on their way to the Flux, and Shepard noticed that people were talking. Which was not exactly surprising - the lockdown of the Normandy could not be kept out of the local news channels, and the scene Shepard made in front of the Citadel Tower had been quite public. So of course he would be a centre of attention in any case. That he and Tali were exchanging signs of affections only added to it.
Let them talk. In a way that even only spurred his defiance, and not only concerning this issue. Let humanity see me as a traitor, let them regard me as xenophile sellout to the aliens, let the Council and Alliance sabotage me. I always prevail. Some of his earlier self-certainty, one could even say cockiness, returned.
They found Flux absolutely overcrowded with people. The assault on the bar last time Shepard was here did not seem to have damaged business. It was easy to get lost in the anonymous crowd. Shepard noticed how fewer and fewer looks were following him.
They found Anderson sitting at a table, his back to them. In the general chaos of the bar the Captain did not notice them, until Shepard sat down and directly addressed him.
"Anderson," he greeted his former CO.
"Shepard. Good you could..." Anderson began, but Shepard cut him off.
"You had to know what was going to happen. Why didn't you warn me?" the Spectre asked.
"Udina is no fool," Anderson explained. "He knew I'd try. He totally blocked me from any communication. He only let his guard down some now. And then the confusion in the embassy due to your crew being questioned, that made it possible for me to contact you."
"My crew, indeed," Shepard commented, darkly. "One more thing they can hate me for."
"Some do blame you, yes. But most are more angry with the Alliance's heavy-handed response," Anderson disagreed. "It makes it rather easier to swallow your claims that the Alliance cares more about its reputation than its people if you experience that yourself."
"For how long has Udina planned this?" Shepard asked.
"Ever since you made for Virmire," Anderson answered. "And it has all been coordinated with the Council. The Council usually keeps Udina isolated these days, thanks to your efforts, but they did coordinate this one matter."
"On the matter of sabotaging me. Typical." Shepard said.
"You have to admit the Alliance did have good reason for grounding you," Anderson pointed out. "However, that's not the point here. If Saren goes to Ilos and finds the Conduit, then we're all doomed. Humans, asari, everybody. So we can't let this happen. We have to get you to Ilos."
"There's only one ship that can get me into the Terminus Systems undetected, and she's grounded," Shepard argued.
"Citadel control locked out all of the Normandy's systems, as per the ambassador's orders," Anderson explained. "It's an Alliance ship and an Alliance dock after all. But if we can override it, we can get the Normandy back on-line."
"So that's your plan?" Shepard asked."You'll help me? Udina won't like that."
"Udina dislikes a great many things, Shepard," Anderson stated. "But I can live with his ire better than with the Reapers overrunning the galaxy. And we all have to contribute to stopping Saren one way or the other."
"Okay," Shepard conceded, "but if we just fly off - that's mutiny. I'm not sure if the crew will follow me."
"They will," Tali intervened decisively. "I told you. They were there everywhere we went. They have seen Saren and Sovereign. They all know what it's at stake. Even the ones who don't like you."
Maybe... Maybe. "Hm. I'm not so sure of that, but we'll have to risk it," Shepard decided, "So, Captain, what's the plan?"
"No matter their loyalties, we'll have to wait until most of the crew is actually on the ship," Anderson answered, "Then I can unlock her from one of the consoles in the Citadel control center. You'll have some minutes before anybody realizes what has happened."
"That's a restricted area patrolled by armed guards," Tali pointed out. "How are you going to get in?"
"Leave that to me," Anderson said, "Just make sure you're in the Normandy when the systems come back on-line."
"Understood," Shepard acknowledged. "But, Captain - are you sure there's no other way? This seems like suicide to me."
"So could be your mission," Anderson pointed out. "But maybe there is another way." He seemed to ponder the issue. "The order came from Ambassador Udina's office. Maybe I can also override it from there. If I can hack into his computer."
"Sounds better," Tali admitted, "but the ambassador won't just stand by and let you use his computer."
"Hopefully, he won't be there," Anderson said. "If he is, I'll just have to think of something."
"Udina is not the sort of person who will forgive something like this," Shepardi pointed out, "You'll be charged with treason, a capital offence."
"I know," Anderson stated. "But those are the options we have. I break into the ambassador's computer, or I take my chances with the patrols in Citadel control."
"A poor choice," Shepard judged. "Well, it's your risk and hence your decision. But I think hacking Udina's computer is still the less risky variant."
"I agree," Anderson said. "Besides, Udina has made this personal. Then this is settled. You're ready to get the hell off this station?"
"And I thought I could pack all the supplies I need here," Shepard commented with a dry grin. This is a problem indeed. The route to Ilos was unchartered and long. "No matter. If we get the Normandy free I'll be able to think of something. I'm ready."
000000
Tali did not return directly to the Normandy as Shepard did. Knowing how few time remained, she instead hastened to make some purchases that she thought would come in handy later on. Or at least she hoped so.
When she did return to the ship, it was together with most of the crew returning from the embassy. Most of them were in a sour mood, complaining about Shepard, Udina or the Alliance. Or, most commonly, all three. They're in for quite some surprise. It had not been possible to inform them about Shepard's and Anderson's plans.
She made her way to the cockpit, where she found Shepard and Pressly standing behind Joker's chair. All three were highly concentrated.
"Ah good, Tali, already thought you'd come too late" the Commander greeted her absent minded. He seemed fully focused on the cockpit's instruments and systems. All of them were unresponsive due to the ship's lockdown. Big red lights were imposed on the holographic controls. But that would change soon.
"Everybody is aboard," Pressly reported after a while.
"Then let's hope the Captain can pull this off," Shepard said.
"I..." Joker began, when suddenly the red lights all around him vanished, while several new holographic screens began to appear. "He managed it," the Flight Lieutenant simply said, and then immediately began to make use of the freshly unlocked again controls.
"Get us out of here, Joker, now!" Shepard ordered - quite unnecessarily, as the Normandy was already leaving the dock and turning around. Tali could see on the cockpit readings how the ship accelerated at its highest possible rates. She decided to better not think about what pressure this would put on the reactor core.
The Citadel Wards rushed by on the windows. Tali nervously watched the sensors for Citadel ships. The Destiny Ascension, the gargantuan asari dreadnought serving as flagship of the Citadel Fleet, was passed by, but showed no signs of intercepting them. Neither did any of the turian cruisers and frigates present. And finally the Citadel was left behind and became ever smaller on the visual monitors. We made it.
"I can't believe we stole the Normandy," Pressly commented after a while with a sour grin. "So now you're truly a rogue, Commander. I guess there's some romanticism in that. I just hope this all works out."
"So far it does," Shepard answered, grinning himself. He sounded very sure of himself again.
"Yeah, it does" Joker agreed, "Damnit, no sign of pursuit! I was hoping the Council would send some ships after us. I was looking forward to putting the Normandy through her paces. Figured I'd get to see what the ship can really do."
"This isn't a game of tag!" Tali exclaimed. That damn pilot still manages to shock me with his japes. "If we can't stop Saren we're all dead."
"However, we might still get to play hide-and-seek with Sovereign," Shepard added. He never seemed to mind Joker's bad humour.
"You know, it doesn't seem like much fun when you say it, Commander" Joker stated. "So, any orders on where to go, exactly? I mean fleeing without direction might be fun for a while, but only for so long."
"We need supplies, the crew needs to be briefed... and we need a plan," Shepard answered, "Just find us a low-key star where we can lay low until we've figured those problems out."
"Will do, Comm..." Joker began, but was cut off when Garrus came running into the cockpit.
"Commander!" the turian said, "My programs... the programs I uploaded onto Noveria's computer systems - they've finally alerted me! Matriarch Benezia is there!"