Previously: Afraid to let his anger boil over again, he had to get away from her. So he went back inside. He had wanted to punish her, take something valuable from her and use it to hurt her for all the hurt he had gotten from her. But it was over now. Could she not see he had held back? No - she had not shifted gears with him. He needed her to catch up. He needed to hurry her along. Physical desire was getting in the way. He would have to do something about that.

Jane was angry with her again, and she was not sure she understood why. His mind was so lightning quick, it appeared that he not only processed information but also emotions at super speeds. The very idea caught her unawares; after all, he had spent so many years stuck in rage and guilt and grief. She had come here with him to keep him alive and either keep him out of the hospital or make damned sure he got to one if he needed it. She kept him out of the operation to take down Red John to keep him alive and out of prison. She did understand that he would be overwhelmed with fury over that. That is why she had been prepared to let him take it out on her. Somehow he had already worked through his anger toward her, deciding to let it go. He seemed to expect that she would now shed duty and responsibility and shuck her personal defenses for him. This was a sea change she could not fathom - primarily because she felt she was not in the same boat. She was no longer on the same ocean as he was.

Lisbon left the balcony. The world around her seemed so far away, as though she were looking at it through a telescope. Even her arms and legs seemed to be at a distance. Opening doors on her way through the house took concentration. Moving her feet took thought. There was no attention left for deciding or knowing direction. For so long her feelings for the man had been left in her mind as background noise - something to take note of mostly to find ways to ignore. If they informed her decisions on how to deal with him on the job as well as in intimate circumstances such as this, her principles were the vital force above those feelings. Or so she had thought. She had been grateful for times when her emotions and her principles pulled in tandem, times like the day before yesterday when she knew he was in danger and she acted to keep him safe - even if it was from himself. Was it really the strength of what she felt for him making excuses that sounded like virtue? Yes, she had attempted to exert control over the situation, over Jane, but was it not a justified control? Her mind roiled these doubts until she could no longer see the right of it.

The man talked about possession, sex, surrender, control - but there was something he had not said. He spoke of relationship like he thought she had broken faith with theirs by trying to keep herself together and keep him from going off the rails. But they were skipping steps. She did not know where he was in this because he was so far ahead of her. And yet there he was on the beach in front of her. For all her musing, she had no memory of choosing to come down to the water's edge or to come looking for him.

As she had earlier, she cut right to the bone. "The conversation this morning out here on the beach - is that really all we're going to have of the preliminaries to start this relationship? Is that really the nearest thing to dating we are going to do? Because we missed a bunch of steps. It compressed about six months down to three minutes, and I think I need the hearts and flowers." The man was not even slightly surprised to see her, damn him.

"What about the last seven years?"

"Seven years of being colleagues followed by two days of being swallowed by a whale of anger - so we get spit back up on shore and now we're in a relationship? And I'm screwing it up because I'm too controlling?"

"Are we Jonah or Gepetto? No, don't answer that. I withhold consent for the metaphor. Do you really need dinner and a movie twenty-four times before you feel like the relationship is real? I told you before, I'm not giving you a checklist, and I won't take one from you."

"I don't need to tick off items on a list. It's the time to adjust and the time to see... You've gone from a fury of revenge to a fury of... whatever this is. There's too much fury. I need the calm and quiet, too."

"Lisbon, we're past that. Bar the doors all you want, the horse has already kicked down all the stalls and jumped the fence. This is where we are."

"This is where you are, Jane. I don't know how to get there. I'm lost."

"The thing is done. Why play at anything else? The rituals and gestures that people use to work up to it would be empty now, a sham, a fake. I won't do that with you. There is one part of life that I have not painted with pretty lies for the marks so I can take advantage of them. This is it. Considering what those lies cost me when the consequences got home before I did, please don't ask me to drag that emptiness into this."

She cast her eyes down, unable to meet his. "I'm not asking for something empty. Those rituals and gestures meet a need. You want me to dismantle every barrier I have for you. If you want more of me than I can give you in just a night, then I need more from you than just a demand to strip myself open. I need to take those steps one at a time, layer by layer. Because I am afraid. Love may not have been as catastrophic for me, but it has been hurtful. And it's never given me much of a reward for the trouble. There is no trust here that this will be ok. I am stepping out onto thin air, not knowing if wings will sprout on my shoulders, or if I have to walk a tightrope, or if you will catch me. All I know is that there's no net." Then she looked up at him, firmly meeting his gaze.

It took his breath away, the depth of fear he saw in her. He had thought her brave when she faced gun battles without shrinking back. But this was where she would use every reserve of courage. He reached for her the way he had done in the morning, his hand around the back of her neck. He brought her closer to him, only instead of touching his mouth to hers, he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. "Lisbon, I'm being selfish, then. But I can't bring myself to go backward. I need something to hold on to. I need you with me now. It is unfair to you. Please give me this."

There was no answer for that. Whatever reply she made would undo one of them. Nothing she could say was the right thing. She did not pull away. She placed her warm hand over his forearm and leaned in to him. They stood like that for several minutes. He heard her breathing become just a little rougher than usual as they stood together in the sun. He opened his eyes to see hers shining bright with pain. Stepping back, he released her and walked away.

In for a penny, in for a pound - all that she suffered in the last few days would not be thrown away. She followed him into the house. He could not break her by attack; he shattered her will simply by asking her to do it for him. She would give him what he said he needed.

When they got into the kitchen, she asked, "How does this work, then?"

They were both exhausted. For her it was mostly emotional fatigue. For Jane, it was physical. When his stomach growled, he grinned and said, "First thing we need to do is order pizza. Neither of us is in any shape to cook and we need more than canned soup and cold cereal." So he summoned a large pizza - half sausage supreme and half veggie with extra olives - and a family size antipasto salad. As an afterthought, he had them add a 2 L. bottle of Diet Coke as well as cups, napkins and plastic forks. He planned for them to settle into the living room and not have to so much as walk to the kitchen for silverware.

Stretched out on the couch, he waved her over and guided her to lay down with him. He gently nuzzled her neck and put an arm around her. "It comes to this, Teresa - I want you," Jane said, voice dropping low. "For more than my bed, and for more than a night. If you didn't know it before, know it now. Yesterday morning wasn't - that's not how it should be. I've made myself crazy with want by hiding it from myself and lying to you. I'll be good to you, I promise. I won't use you up until I get what I need then throw you away. There is more to me than that - more to us than that."

When the food came, they ate in silence. Neither had the strength for small talk. After eating, he felt better. But for her, only a small part of her weariness could be repaired by a meal.

A/N: Thanks once again to Blue, MeltedChocoButton, and Natty for your reviews.

A/N-2 - Super Sekrit Message to Blue: Sometimes there are aspects of the show that you mention in your reviews, that I would love to discuss. If you ever get the urge, let me know.