This chapter is the reason I wanted to write this fic. There is one person whose reaction I really wanted to write, and this is it. I'm happy with how this turned out, and I hope you like it, too! Just a warning—this chapter stretches the T rating just a bit. It's not graphic enough to warrant an M, but … stuff happens.
Chapter 7, Casey: East of Eden
It's July already. Forty-seven days of summer left, and I can't believe it's going by so quickly. It's pretty great, though. Day Camp is going better than I ever could have dreamed, Derek and I survived babysitting Simon, and we get to spend time with all of our favorite people, each other included.
I've started hanging out at Smelly Nelly's once or twice a week while Derek's working, like I used to do back in high school. I bring plenty to keep me busy—I'm getting started on next semester's coursework, and Derek laughs at me, but he knows I need to. It keeps me sane. I still have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, but Derek thinks it should be something academic, because, and I quote, "You drool over long division." Not exactly true, but I know what he means.
Besides, sometimes Lizzie comes with me and flirts with Ricky. It's so cute, their blossoming courtship. I keep telling her to ask him out, but on this point, she gets really shy. Before the summer's over I'm determined to get them out on a date, even if we have to double, an idea that horrifies Derek. But hey, sisters have to stick together.
Tonight, it's just Ricky and Derek working, but Lizzie had a special soccer practice she couldn't miss. So I'm hanging out, reading about the Franco-Prussian War, and enjoying people-watching. Since the dinner rush died down there haven't been too many customers, but I'm watching what look like current Thompson High girls giggling madly over some magazine article they're reading. The blonde one keeps glancing up at Ricky, and I clench my teeth, steeling myself against getting protective. He's not Lizzie's boyfriend … yet.
Speaking of Ricky, he's headed my way with my tea. "Here you go," Ricky says nervously as he sets down my cup and saucer.
"Where's Derek?"
"On his break." Ricky still looks nervous, and I can't figure out why.
"Oh." I smile at him, knowing Derek will be out of the kitchen any minute to sit with me. He only takes about five minutes to inhale his dinner, but at least I get to talk to him while he does it.
"So, uh …" Ricky rubs his hands together, stalling for time. I decide there can only be one reason he's here talking to me like this.
"Lizzie's at soccer practice."
"Cool. Cool." He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back and forth on his heels.
Boy, this kid just isn't going to make the first move, is he?
"Are you dating anybody right now?" I ask him pointedly, and Ricky straightens up.
"N-no."
"Lizzie's single, too. You should ask her out sometime."
Ricky's staring at me with a mixture of apprehension and relief, and I can't help giggling at him.
He lets out a shaky laugh, too. "Thanks for the tip, Casey. Maybe I will."
I arch an eyebrow at him. "Maybe?"
He blushes. "Okay, um, yeah. Can you give me her number?"
I approve of this—at least he's finally going to make a move. He hands me his phone and I punch Lizzie's number into it. There. My sisterly duty is done.
Ricky saunters away, looking pretty proud of himself. I shake my head. He's so sweet. I hope this works out!
I realize it's strange that Derek isn't here yet, so I crane my neck to look out at the front of the restaurant. If only I hadn't chosen the back booth tonight.
What I see makes my blood run cold. Sally is at the counter, picking up some sort of dessert tray, and Derek is standing in front of her. Even though I can only see his back, I know how tense he is.
I'm still frozen in place. I'm not sure if I should go up to him, or let him talk to her alone. We weren't expecting her to be here this summer. She didn't come home from Vancouver last summer, and Emily had gotten zero intel on her.
Then, I see it. The subtlest flick of Derek's wrist, pulled behind his back and definitely beckoning me to come over.
My heart pounding, I close my textbook, grab my purse, and race up to the front of the restaurant. I start to hear their conversation.
"Yeah, it's really great," Sally's saying. "You'd love the snowboarding out there. And my school is ranked first—"
I don't get to hear what her school is ranked first in because she stops talking as soon as she sees me.
"Hey, Sally." I wrap my arm around Derek and I can feel his whole body sigh with relief as he puts his arm around my shoulders.
Sally's greeting smile instantly falls off her face, and I'm not sure how to read the situation. I can't tell if Derek's told her about us or not, and whether he wants to tell her. But then again, if she's here for the summer, she might run into us again. So why hide?
It's only been a couple of seconds, and before I can think about it too much I'm pressing a kiss to Derek's cheek and saying, "Hi, Honey."
We're not big on pet names. It's usually just "Case" and "Der." But I wanted to get the message across completely.
Sally gets it, and it's obviously the first time she's hearing about it. She gapes at us. "You two are …"
"Sally, meet my girlfriend," Derek says, tensing up again, but his voice remains calm. I wrap my arm tighter around him and I can still feel how fast his heart is beating. He's really freaked out by seeing her, and there's nothing I can do to calm him down. At least he's not letting Sally see how he feels.
"Are you kidding me?" It's all she says, but it sounds pretty harsh. I try not to flinch.
"It's true. Nice to see you again, Sally," I say.
Her eyes are boring into mine, searching for some hint of levity. I stare back, smiling slightly but obviously serious. She's taking this a lot worse than I would have thought, but then again, she was actually with Derek longer than I've been so far. Maybe she does have a right to be angry. Is she still in love with him? I try to read it on her face but all I see is a stony mask.
She brushes off any attempt at politeness on my part. "This is some kind of sick joke, right?" I can tell she knows it's not, but she says it anyway.
Derek shifts us even closer together. "What's sick about it?" he challenges, and I can tell right away it's a bad idea to goad her.
Sally backs up a pace. "You're stepsiblings."
"Ah, you see that? She does get it," Derek says, turning to me but keeping his eyes on Sally. "Step."
Sally still looks horrified. "You told me so many awful things about her. You hate her."
Derek glances at me guiltily, and though I do wonder what these "awful things" are, this is not the time to focus on that. More than likely, it was the kinds of things I told Max and Truman about Derek, so I'm not one to talk.
"Never said I hated her," Derek replies nonchalantly.
"I can't even …" she trails off, still frowning. "I would have thought you guys would be smarter than this."
"Smarter than what?" Now I'm genuinely confused. Sally was never this mean in high school.
"It's just wrong." She's looking at us with a disgusted expression. It's sickening for me to watch Sally's pretty face contort like that.
Derek's shaking ever so slightly, and I keep a firm grip on his middle. At this point I really don't think he's beyond slugging Sally in the face.
"Sally, I thought we were all friends. We haven't seen you in two years, and this is what we're going to talk about?" I'm proud of myself for getting that out, but boy am I terrified of her reaction.
Her eyes narrow. "Fine. You're right. Let's talk about something else. Like apparently all this time I thought you guys hated each other and it turns out it was all an act that stupid me fell for."
"What? No," I gasp, and Derek protests as well.
"Did you guys wait to hook up until after I left or was this going on all along?"
"Sally!" Derek's nostrils flare and he takes a step forward, forcing me to step forward with him since we're still intertwined. Sally doesn't back up, and she looks just as angry. "Are you completely insane? Casey and I only became friends while I was with you. We didn't start dating until we left for university."
"Makes sense. So you'd be out of the house." She shifts her dessert tray onto her hip, eyes flashing. "Tell me, Derek, did you think of her every time you were with me?"
I prepare myself for Derek to blow up, but to my surprise, he doesn't. I'm feeling stung, so I can't even imagine how he feels. Then, he opens his mouth, and I know he's going to let her have it. I'm glad.
"Yes, okay? Is that what you want to hear? You meant nothing to me. You never did, and I was using you the entire time we were together. Happy?" he snarls.
Now, I happen to know that this is not true at all. He may have had feelings for me at the time, but he really cared about Sally, and was devastated when she left. It does give me a little jolt of satisfaction that Derek says it, though. He's completely over her, and too bad for Sally, but it doesn't seem like she's over him.
Sally's face turns blotchy and red, and she backs away. "Fine. Whatever. I never loved you either. Have a nice life." She backs up until she hits the door, eyes locked on Derek. She finally scurries out of it, and it's not until we hear the squeal of tires that Derek lets out the breath he's been holding.
He wrenches my hand from his back and grabs my wrist, leading me through the restaurant and out the back door. He's not hurting me or anything, just determined to get away. I keep my mouth shut, knowing this is what he needs. I'm just happy he's taking me with him. It means he won't shut me out.
We reach the back door and Derek pushes it open, letting it close behind us with a bang. I lean against the wall near the door, watching Derek breathe deeply. His eyes are closed.
"Hey," I say softly, reaching out for him. He's gotten much better about sharing his feelings, but I know he doesn't have words for this right now. I'm not going to force him to talk, so I wrap my arms around his shoulders and squeeze tightly. He's still breathing heavily, and as we hug he walks us into the wall so my back is against it and he has me pinned. He kisses me ferociously, and it's a little rough but I go with it. I can feel what he's trying to say, that he needs to not think for a few minutes.
Soon I've got my legs wrapped around him and I know it's a bad idea, but things are heating up. He breaks our kiss and pulls his head back, and I let out an involuntary whimper at the loss of contact. I can feel him pressing into me and I know we need the same thing right now.
His eyes are asking, dark and hooded, and I capture his lips again in answer.
I know this is a bad idea. I know we're outside, where anyone can see us. But I need this. So badly. It's been too long and I don't want to wait another forty-seven days.
He breaks our contact again to unbutton my jeans and rip them down my legs. With his help, I kick them off completely over my shoes. I fumble with his jeans as he stands back up, and he puts his hands under my legs to lift me up. I shudder as he buries his head in my chest. I want him to take my shirt off, but I'm still aware of the fact that we're outside, and besides, I don't want to take the time.
He pulls his jeans down slightly and I put out a hand to stop him before he goes any further. "Condom?" I breathe, and his eyes widen. He doesn't have one. We used up the one in his wallet the day we left Kingston.
I almost cry out in frustration but then I remember I dropped my purse at the door as soon as we came outside. He sets me down gently, and my legs feel rubbery as I try to remain standing, riding the wave of desire coursing through me. He fishes a condom out of my purse, and I sigh into his neck as he puts us back into position, this time more than ready.
I bite my lip to keep from moaning as he rips my underwear aside with his fingers and then slides into me. I arch up the wall, trying to find the best angle. When I find it I grab onto him, holding his shoulders tightly as he supports me with his hands hooked under my legs. We slam against the wall, over and over, and I can feel my back scraping against the concrete. It's not enough to break the skin, though, and it feels kind of good. But I can tell Derek's worried about it, so he lets up a little. I grab onto his hair and knead my fingers though it, urging him to keep going. He does.
When we're finished, I close my eyes and concentrate on coming back down from the high. He puts me down, both of us trembling a little from the intensity. It's never been this frenzied before. We hug for a moment, our breath slowing together. Neither of us has spoken since I asked about the condom, which is a little unnerving, but as I search for something to say, nothing seems appropriate. So I stay quiet.
I try not to think too much about what just happened, which for me is of course pretty difficult. I'm not sure why we let ourselves get so carried away, aside from the fact that before today, we hadn't had sex in two months. Was he trying to prove to me that Sally couldn't get to him? I'll bet he knows I can see right through that. And he couldn't have been trying to prove that he loves me more than he loved Sally, because I already know that. I slide my ruined underwear down my legs and slip my jeans back on. Is this some new thing, where anger turns him on? Our play-fighting always does, but this is different. I'm not sure I like it.
Derek motions for me to give him my underwear, and he wraps the condom in them and tosses them in a nearby dumpster. I watch him zip his own pants back up, trying to read his body language. He seems stiff, guarded. We're definitely not going to be talking about this right now; that much I know.
"Look, uh," he runs his hands through his hair and gives me a small smile. "I need to get back to work."
I nod. "I'm gonna go. Can you pay for my tea? Oh, and can you get my textbook from my booth and keep it in the back? I'll get it from you when I pick you up tonight."
"Uh-huh."
I hate to run off, but I just can't walk through that restaurant right now. What if someone heard us? What if they can tell just by looking at me? Besides, we'd made a big scene with Sally. I'm not in the mood to face any stares.
Derek clears his throat. "Actually, I'll get a ride home with Ricky. You don't have to pick me up."
My face falls but I try not to get upset. He really wants to postpone talking about this. "Sure, okay. See you at home." I walk around the side of the building, berating myself for not even telling him I love him. But he hasn't said it, either.
I manage to get through some board games with Marti and Edwin before bed, but as soon as Derek's shift ends I hop in the shower and then lie in bed waiting for him. We'd better talk about this before we go to sleep.
Apparently my body has other ideas, because the next thing I know, Derek is crawling into bed beside me.
"Shh, go back to sleep," he says as I start to sit up.
"No, Derek." I eye him pointedly and he turns on the light next to his side of the bed.
"Okay, okay." He burrows under the covers, enveloping me with his warm arms and laying his head on my pillow next to me. "I'm sorry about today."
"Sorry?" I ask, not sure what he's apologizing for.
"I shouldn't have made you do that."
"Are you talking about what happened outside? Because you really don't need to be sorry for that."
Derek's eyebrows raise. "Really? You did seem into it, but it felt … I don't know, like I was taking advantage of you. I was upset, and I didn't know what to do. All I wanted was to be with you."
It's difficult for me to let him talk, but he's not this candid very often, so I have to bite my tongue.
"It was … I think I was getting revenge on her. I used you to take out my anger on her. It seemed like my only option at the time."
"Mm," I murmur in understanding, but he takes it as a protest.
"I know you're going to say it wasn't all me, but I'm telling you that's what it was about. And I'm sorry."
He caresses my back, and when he lifts up my nightshirt to run his hands along my spine and the back of my shoulders, I can tell he's checking for scrapes.
"I'm fine, Sweetie. Really." I know I said we don't do pet names, but he's just so cute when he looks at me like a little lost puppy.
He doesn't say anything more, so I figure it's my turn again. "Look, Der, I'm not going to say I didn't enjoy myself, because you know I did. And I would definitely be on board with that kind of stress relief any time, if you're thinking clearly. But I want to know how you feel about what led up to it. You were really losing it talking to Sally, and I need you to let me in." I put my own arms to his chest, tracing patterns into his T-shirt and feeling his heart beating at its normal speed. "Please."
Derek sighs. "I needed you to come up to the counter. I feel safe with you, and I knew that if you were there I would be able to handle talking to her. Because when she came in, I was so stunned I didn't know what to say."
"It looked like you were talking just fine when I came up next to you."
Derek rolled his eyes. "Not really. She came up to the counter to pick up the dessert tray, and I was about to go on break but figured I'd help one last person. And when I saw it was her, I panicked. She stood there and started talking about how amazing Vancouver is, how much I'd like it there. It felt like she was saying how much better she was than me, because I'm back in London all summer and she's just here visiting for a few weeks."
"Maybe she was as nervous as you were." It's not right justifying her behavior, but I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt.
"She was. She definitely was. But the first thing she said wasn't 'nice to see you,' or 'how've you been,' it was 'you still work here?'. And she sounded so arrogant when she said it. She's really changed since she left."
I make a face. "Wow."
"That's when I knew I needed you. If you were next to me, I'd be okay." He gives me a thin smile and I lean forward to kiss him.
"I love you," I say, kissing him again. When we pull back, he looks content, and then I feel better. At least he's not upset anymore.
"When you told her we were together, and she turned into this …" he pauses, searching for the word.
"Demon spawn?" I suggest, and he laughs.
"Well, yeah. I was so shocked. I really needed her to be someone who was okay with us being together, and she wasn't, and yeah, that really hurt."
I search his eyes, but he still looks pretty relaxed, considering. "You know we've been lucky. Not everyone is going to react like Emily and our other friends."
"I know. But this is Sally. I thought she cared about me enough not to judge us like that. And she would defend you when I complained about you."
"I thought you said after Amy you stopped badmouthing me to your girlfriends." I say it with a smile so he knows I'm just teasing.
"Um." He smirks at me. "I didn't talk about you as much."
It's my turn to roll my eyes.
He looks at me seriously. "You've always been such a big part of my life, it would have been weird if I didn't talk about you. And I thought Sally understood that. Do you really think she feels that way, that what we had was all a lie?"
I think about it. Sally is such a sweet person; I never would have pictured her being cruel like she was to us today. "No, I don't. I think she still has feelings for you, and seeing us together, when she was so sure I was never a threat to her, shook her confidence. That's all."
Derek considers this. "I never thought about it that way."
"Feel better?" I ask, though I already know the answer.
He nods and pulls me closer, and we drift off to sleep together.