Heart Skipped a Beat

2.

"Travelling swallowing dramamine
Feeling spaced breathing out
I said what I'd said that I'd tell ya
That you'd killed the better part of me
I've said what I said and you know what I mean."

"It's obvious that Castiel fell out of grace," Sam hushed over his coffee in the hospital cafe on the main floor. He eyed the place suspiciously; making sure no one heard him as he explained his hypothesis. "The big guy upstairs must have finally gotten around to punishing the rebellion of angels in heaven." Sam said spitting out yet another idea in regards to how Cas washed up on earth again.

But Dean was not hearing a single word of it, he wouldn't. "Cas it not human Sam," he argued stubbornly, chewing on his bagel with a fierceness, "Far from it, no mud monkey could of survived a fall like that."

"Then why is he still in recovery Dean?" Sam exclaimed his voice rising. "Just admit it, he's human now and not even we can save him."

"Sam-"

"No Dean, don't forget he has human blood coursing through his veins, no thanks to you." Sam hissed losing his patience. The second the words had left his mouth, the pained expression on Sams face tried to cover up the slip.

Dean jerked upright away from the table, a disgusted look coloured across his freckled face. He growled in the back of his throat and excused himself before practically running towards any escape that would have him. He heard Sam calling out after him, apologizing profusely but the hunter only ran faster. It wasn't until he had ducked into one of the sun rooms for the patients that he stopped sprinting and instead slumped himself into the couch.

The TV entertained itself as Dean struggled to keep his fists balled up by his sides. He didn't want to think about it, he had regretted the decision the second he had made it. But Cas needed a blood transfusion, and the Doctors didn't know how long it would take to get the proper blood donation. Cas didn't have a healthcare plan, didn't have shit all to his name other then his private room and that was his only option.

Dean almost gagged just thinking about. His dirty, tainted blood mingling with Cas's own, thundering through the angels arteries and veins and into his heart.

What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?

"Hello Dean," Daisy said, entering the sun room holding a clipboard and startling Dean.

Dean raised his head warily to acknowledge the nurse, he liked her and her Jamaican accent, since it made news about Cas more bearable to handle. The least he could do was be friendly with her after all the hard work she did tending after the angel.

"Don't look so sad boy; your friend is making a darn good recovery if you ask me."

He couldn't help but smile at her sympathetic voice, and he couldn't shake off the thought that Daisy was secretly a Jazz singer from the 1920s. When he had told Sam this, they both laughed until Sam had actually started crying.

The thought of his brother brought a sour taste in Dean's mouth and he dropped his eyes from Daisy's friendly gaze. "That was a nice thing you did back there, you know boy, not everybody is so keen on giving blood," she said softly in her broken English.

Dean grunted and absentmindedly rubbed the back of his wrists where days ago they had stuck an IV into him. He had sat upright in a chair beside Cas's bed, the angel asleep or knocked out by painkillers. He watched every drop as it made its decent into Castiels fragile body and he had gritted his teeth the entire time, hating himself.

That was the third day of recovery, and still Dean hadn't caught the angel awake. As if reading his mind Daisy piped in, "He's awake if you're wondering," she smiled and gestured for him to get going. "Tell him Daisy has been watching over him, tell him to get better real quick."

"Will do Ma'am," Dean laughed, giving a friendly salute to the nurse as he left the tiny room.

It was easy to get lost in the hospital the first few times Dean had come, but now he knew the exact route to take, two elevators and a left turn on the 6th floor and there Cas would be. Dean hardly believed that Castiel had to be kept in captivity so long, and the Angel would be shit out of luck if they had to stay any longer because they was running out of counterfeit money for motels.

Dean held his breath as he gently knocked and opened the door at the same time. He peeped his head in to see Cas sitting up in bed, his hands folded together in his lap.

The angel looked a hell of a lot better since the last time Dean had went in to check-up on him. The bruises that stained his pale skin had started to fade and change color, and most of the bandages had been peeled away from his face and arms. There was still a stubborn piece of gauze taped to Cas' cheek and he still sported a shiny black eye; but all things considered it had been a speedy and successful recovery. The only thing that bothered Dean now was the stupid IV that ran along the bedspread and spidered into Cas' left vein as if it belonged there. Every time Dean watched the clear liquid in the IV bag drip down and travel towards its destination, he had to fight off the urge to rip the needle from Cas' arm.

Turning his attention back to the angel Dean found himself at a loss of words, how did you greet a potentially fallen angel in the hospital anyways? A voice in the back of his head nagged at him, making damn sure Dean knew that whatever he said now would be the first words the two had exchanged in over three months.

"Uh.. Hi Cas," he said stupidly, taking a seat on the plush chair by the hospital bedside. On the table beside him there was a generic get well soon card from the hospital, a vase of cheap flowers that Sam had left the other day, and a congratulations it's a boy balloon that Dean had bought as a joke. But it weren't nearly as funny now.

Castiel tilted his head in a familiar fashion and parted his chapped lips. His half lidded eyes suggested he didn't quite understand something.

"How are you feeling buddy, you look all bright eyed and bushy tailed," Dean laughed uneasily, not forgetting the fact that he hadn't seen Castiel since they diverted the Apocalypse together. He didn't forget how Castiel never answered his prayers or even bothered to give a simple reason for his disappearance. Dean couldn't forget.

"Do I know you?" Cas asked slowly, his voice rough and wrecked just as it always was.

"Cas?"

Castiel shook his head and squinted his eyes towards the hunter. "They told me my name was Jimmy Novak," he said clearly confused. Dean already knew this, after all this was Jimmy's supposed body in the hospital - and if it meant a free room and service they could call Cas by whatever name they liked. But the fact that Cas didn't know the difference, that meant that something was seriously wrong.

"It's only me who calls you Cas," Dean said dumbly letting the words drop from his mouth.

"I asked you who you were," Cas asked again suspiciously from his bed; his piercing blue eyes narrowed and held Dean's stormy green ones, an unspoken conversation flitting between their gaze.

Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times on its own accord. There was a sudden pounding in his head and he tried to reach out for the angel but Cas only flinched away, "Dean Winchester."

"I'm sorry, but I think we should call the nurse in," Cas murmured uncertainly pushing the call button on the side of his bed. It glowed and shrilled a brilliant red with each passing second.

Dean couldn't take his eyes off the damn thing, "Cas it's me, stop fucking around," he hissed jumping up from the chair.

Cas frowned and rubbed his face tiredly, "I don't know you," he said simply. "And please stop calling me Cas," his voice whispered in a shaky tone, as if the angel wasn't sure what he wanted. Dean watched in disbelief as Castiel turned away from him, running a trembling hand through his messy dark hair and across his chin.

Daisy rushed into the room and by Cas' side only moments after the distress call had been sent out. "Is Everything alright, Jimmy boy?" she asked examining Deans startled face. "What seems to be the matter boys?"

"This man claims to know me, and he insists on calling me by the name Cas even though I clearly remember the hospital personnel calling me Jimmy Novak," Cas explained in his usual monotone voice. He shifted uncomfortably in the bed at Dean's loaded stare.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean hissed, throwing his hands up for show. "Are you saying you don't remember me?"

A look flickered across Daisy's face and she quickly ushered Dean out of the room. She whispered something to Cas and he nodded reluctantly. Closing the door behind her Daisy let out an exasperated sigh, "The Doctor hasn't told you boys yet?"

"Told us what?" Dean stressed, wondering what else could possibly go wrong.

Daisy rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, obviously stalling for time. "Well you see.." She began drawing her words out longer than usual, "Your friend Jimmy had a nasty fall and hit his head pretty darn hard yes?"

Dean waited impatiently, his foot tapping the ground in a frantic rhythm.

"While he survived with only minor psychical injuries I'm afraid his mental state is another story altogether," Daisy raised her hands defensively when Dean tensed beside her. "Amnesia," She blurted out, "He doesn't remember a single thing, didn't even know his own name when he came too."

"Amnesia?" Dean tried the word out for himself, he suddenly felt very lightheaded and giddy. He couldn't believe this was actually happening, he was a hunter and a Winchester and he did not deal with fallen angels who had lost their marbles. Not fallen angels who had once been his closet companion, who had picked up and left without an explanation or Dean allowed himself to weigh the pros of cons of abandoning Cas and shucking any responsibility, but just as quickly as the idea had come it was disposed of. If it was anyone other than Cas Dean wouldn't have thought twice about it, but it was Castiel, and such this was Dean's burden to bear as well.

"If we hadn't been able to track down his records he wouldn't know anything. He still doesn't have a complete grasp on his identity, but there is a lot missing from our documents on his life," Daisy explained turning a sympathetic face on Dean. "That is why the Doctor was supposed to talk to you boys, you're the only connections Jimmy boy has now and it's up to you two brothers to help him regain his memory."

"Excuse me?" A startled voice asked from down the corridor.

Dean snapped his head around to see Sam striding down the hallway, an apologetic smile on his face. Dean frowned, but didn't budge when Sam joined him with the nurse.

"How long will it take for his memory loss to subside?" Sam asked.

"Hopefully like most cases of this severity, something said or done will trigger all of his old memories. But for now we can only teach him about his past, and tell him the truth of who he is," Daisy pursed her lips thoughtfully. "The pieces of the puzzle usually fall into place after that, it going to take some time though."

"What if he never remembers?" Dean interjected, being so blunt it took the nurse of guard. But he couldn't help himself, if he was never going to get the old nerdy angel back he wanted to know upfront. The hunter didn't think he could, in any sense, deal with losing Castiel again, no matter the situation.

"He will remember," Daisy responded just as bluntly, her disposition challenging the brothers. "If there is anything worth fighting for, even the smallest thing worth remembering, then he will beat the amnesia."

Sam's gaze flickered towards Dean's face for only a split second but when he looked away his resolve was sure, "He'll remember," he said, "He has something to come back to."