And finally here comes an update to this lone ME1 fic that surely will get swallowed in the sea of ME 3 fics now flooding the section. Sorry for the delays, I had to take care of exams and stuff. Next update might take longer than the normal week interval, too, but afterwards, as we move towards ME 2, updates should be more smoothly again. Again, sorry. Note: I'll pretty much disregard what Bioware has now established as canon look for quarians in ME 3. Quarians should be proper, well, aliens. Why that note? Well, I think you can guess what comes in this chapter... ;)
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Shepard was pretty content with himself as he entered the aircar that would transport him to the space port of Scott, Terra Nova's capital. He just had held a speech which he was pretty sure would have a historic impact, and who could say that about oneself? Stopping Saren and thus avoiding the destruction of the galaxy was still a bigger issue, but the Spectre thought that he just had to operate under the assumption he would succeed. If he were to fail against Saren none of this would matter anyway. He just had to assume the galaxy would go on, and following that assumption he had to try to make it a better place.
Two grim looking men in uniform entered the aircar with him, and the female driver wore the same uniform. Terra Nova's police's special unit, as Shepard realized. It was obvious that his speech would incense quite many people, and so Terra Nova made it clear that it would protect its saviour with its best troops. Even if those were just police forces. Normally Shepard would have been amused about such security measures, but not right now. Right now, even the two armoured and armed police aircars escorting him seemed sensible.
From his car window, Shepard looked out to Scott's skyscrapers and the nearby ore-rich mountains. He rubbed his chin and considered the events ahead of him. He had employed his suddenly renewed surge in popularity for something that would hopefully move society in the future. Now he just had to make sure there would be a future. The next step surely was awaiting the supplies promised by Hackett and then going to Ilos. If they failed at Ilos, there would be no future at all. And even if they succeeded, the Reapers were still out there. He believed he could stop Saren, but had no idea how to defeat an armada of AI dreadnoughts.
The convoy of aircars encountered none of the apparently feared troubles and landed safely on Scott's open-air spaceport, directly next to the Normandy. The facility was shaped like a circle, with every docking space taking up a slice of it, separated from each other by maintenance and refueling buildings. Shepard thanked the driver, who remained fully professional and did not answer. The Spectre just shrugged and left the aircar. Garrus and Wrex were already awaiting him. They were in full equipment, so Shepard assumed they had gotten a tip from Terra Nova's police and were taking over the job as his protection.
"I think I could have managed the short walking trip to the ship alone," he thus commented with a grin.
"Knowing you, not without blowing up some buildings," Wrex joked flatly.
Garrus kept looking awkwardly at the Spectre. However, it was only when all three were inside the ship that he spoke up: "Ah, Jon. About that speech... hm, I'm not saying anything about it, but it might have been bad timing. We just got a call. A ship claiming to carry the supplies from Fifth Fleet has just arrived in the system. So, uh..."
"The Alliance comes knocking right after you told them just what they are," Wrex precised the turian's statement, just as the three left the ship's decontamination unit.
Shepard's face formed into an uncomfortable half-grin. "I see. Well, let's hope Hackett still thinks my mission absolutely necessary for the survival of the galaxy. After all, it is."
"True," Garrus replied, obviously still unhappy, "but I think we still will get a rather frosty reception. I mean, what you said about the Alliance... I'm not saying it's not true. However, the Alliance, well, at least you used to be with them, and even if you aren't, you're still human..."
Shepard stopped at the stairs up to the crew deck. "Garrus," he said, "I know turian philosophy in regards to authority and, well - I hope I haven't made you all too uncomfortable?"
"It came as a shock," Garrus replied earnestly. "Despite all your previous actions. This was a step further. I'm not quite sure what to think of it. What you said was true, but your conclusion..."
"What did you expect, turian?" Wrex asked. "It's Shepard. He can turn even words into weapons."
"That's how you krogans frame everything, isn't it?" Garrus shot back aggressively. "Conflict. Violence. And that's exactly why we turians have such a polity model as the Hierarchy. It came about as result of the Reunification War, after all. To end the violence and social unrest."
"And so you turned yourself into obedient little drones," Wrex said.
Shepard was about to intervene, but Garrus pre-empted him. Seriously and quietly he answered: "I could come up with a witty comeback to that, especially given our races' shared history." He glared at Wrex, who starred back. "However, I won't. The truth is I've always been a bad turian. A turian might complaint about a bad order, but he's still supposed to always follow it. I've never seen the use of that. That's why I never succeeded in the army, and that's why I wasn't very content in C-Sec, either. I always did my own thing. So maybe you're right, Jonathan. Maybe sometimes complaining about bad orders, or bad superiors is not enough. Sometimes you have to become active."
A period of silence followed. Finally Wrex spoke up: "I underestimated you... Garrus. You may just be the first turian to truly get it. For all the turian talk about honour or duty, it was never really put to the test. It's just blathering for most of your race. But not for you, it appears."
Both Shepard and Garrus looked surprised at the krogan. He usually never made such concessions or admissions. However, he did not say anything further, either. After a while, Shepard said: "Well, I'm not C-Sec, and I'm definitely not like the Turian Hierarchy. So, if you do have any complaints, lay them on me."
"No," Garrus answered. "I was shocked, even though I should have expected it from you. But I'm hardly in a position to criticize you. And I don't want to. Having somebody like you as a commanding officer is pretty much ideal for me. Or maybe I just don't want to end up a failure yet again."
"What? No!" Shepard exclaimed. "You aren't. I think you're too hard on yourself. You know what is at stake here: Saving the entire galaxy. And if it weren't for your contributions, Garrus, we wouldn't have found Benezia on Noveria, would hence never had found out about the Mu Relay, and hence would definitely have come too late to Ilos. As it is, we still have a chance, thanks to you. So, you just can't be a 'failure'." He grinned. "Which in turn means that maybe 'rebellious turian' is a successful model of which there should be more in the Hierarchy, but then maybe I'm biased in my conclusions."
"Keep to taking on the Alliance," Garrus replied with a hint of humour, "Also taking on the Hierarchy might be too much even for you." He paused. "I see your point, but very few people get the chance to be on such a chase like this one. Being good at that is not usually a skill in great demand. However, if I can contribute to the mission, I will. Even if we stop Sovereign, there are presumably more of his kind out there. You can count on this rebellious turian at least."
"And on Fifth Fleet's supplies," Wrex added unmoved.
Again, the two others looked strangely at the krogan. Shepard sighed. "Yes, I'll get in contact with that ship. Just let me get a less ridiculous outfit, this one is way too formal." It had needed to be, to be appropriate for a public speech, but Shepard did not at all feel comfortable in it. He made a sloppy pseudo-salute as parting greeting to his two squadmates and left them behind as he walked up the stairs to the crew deck.
Besides getting out of his outfit, he also wanted to see where Tali was. He had kept his speech a surprise to everybody, even to her. He was curious and even a little bit anxious as to what she would say about it. However, he did not get to his cabin. Rather, he was intercepted by Ashley, who was sitting in the mess and apparently had been waiting for him. As Shepard walked by she called out: " 'General Williams'? Really?"
Shepard stopped. He did not quite know what to say. It was true, he had mentioned her grandfather without speaking to her before. It had fit in just so perfectly, but that was hardly an argument he could use now. So instead he finally managed to say: "Yes. I'm sorry."
"That's all?" Ashley asked and stood up. "First you leave me here on the ship, so that I have no chance to clear my - his name, and then you use him in a speech completely denouncing the Alliance?"
"And yet, all I said was the truth," Shepard defended himself meekly as the marine walked up to him.
She came to a halt just a few centimetres in front of him and stemmed her hands into her hips. "Yes," she admitted, "but the results are still the same." She pointed her finger at his chest. "You're so wrapped up in your ideals of truth and justice that you don't see what you do your squadmates, do you? To your friends." She had a point, Shepard had to admit. He in fact had not thought of that. Or at least had not truly considered it. Ashley went on: "I could understand your logic of leaving me behind. You were right, this wasn't about glory, this was about saving four million people and ensuring our mission against Saren would go on. But then you went out there and in fact did claim the glory, so you could pound on the Alliance! And I again got nothing."
"You'll get to defeat Saren. I promise that," Shepard answered quietly, but he knew himself how weak that sounded.
"That's something, but hardly enough," Ashley hence replied aggressively. "I'll remind you of that. And afterwards..." She became quieter. "Please don't misunderstand me. You're the best military superior I've ever had and I... hope I can consider you my friend. Despite everything. But I don't think we can really work together. It just doesn't work out. So, we'll kick Saren's ass and then... well, it's funny thinking about it, because we're both mutineers right now, but then I want a reassignment. I hope you understand."
"I do," Shepard affirmed. "I meant what I said: I don't ask you to throw all of your views overboard. However, I know sometimes I become too overbearing, so... I can hardly force you to work with me. Or force you in general. I would like to consider you my friend, after all."
"I said if you screw this up, then I'll do more then just leave this ship, but as it is, all you have said is in fact the truth," Ashley continued, "I can hardly turn you in just for stating the truth. But I think you're too much in love with it."
"What?" Shepard blurted out. It was his first reaction; he did not quite know what to think of that statement.
"Humans need something to believe in," Ashley explained herself. "The Alliance is not just a state, an institution, it's an ideal. Something people strife for, something people make sacrifices for. And you want to take that ideal apart."
"Because it isn't an ideal!" Shepard replied, getting firmer again, "That ideal has been a lie!"
"But to millions of people that doesn't matter!" Ashley argued, "You're not just correcting injustices, by speaking out directly against the Alliance, you're taking away the reason why millions of people help to make humanity better!"
"Bad enough they need a reason for that," Shepard countered. "It may be human nature, but it's nothing our race can be proud of. People should follow principles not basically, well, 'the tribe'. I certainly don't need such false ideals."
"Maybe," Ashley conceded, "but you cannot change human nature. I know enough of human history to know that such experiments have always ended in disaster. We have to take what's there. Building a magnificent house, even if the foundation is faulty. It can work. Tearing down the foundation over and over again doesn't."
"To extent your metaphor," Shepard said, getting slightly more aggressive, "In ancient times they used to sacrificed children and bury them into the foundation to make a house stand stable. If that happens I don't care what house stands over it - the foundation simply will get torn down."
"Yes," Ashley acknowledged, and it sounded sad, "that's how you work." And with that, she left the Spectre standing there and walked away.
Shepard stood there for a while. It saddened him that he would lose Ashley's support. She was a very good soldier and she was a friend. However, that was exactly why he could understand her. Finally, he walked on to his cabin. He did not find Tali there. Sighing, he began to change.
…...
The ship claiming to carry Fifth Fleet's supplies did not belong to the Alliance Navy. As XO Pressly had found out, it was a privately owned freighter, registered as belonging to one "Zhou Yung", an individual Shepard had heard nothing about so far. This was not very surprising, though: Of course Admiral Hackett would be trying to cover up his involvement.
There had been an audio only communication with the ship, and the voice of its commander had clearly been run through a distorter. Shepard was thus quite curious to meet him or her. However, the ship had taken a very slow approach to the system and hence only now, one day later, would it land on Terra Nova. In the meanwhile, the planetary authorities had been quite helpful in stocking the Normandy up with basic supplies like food, fuel and medicine. All that was needed now were the specifically military supplies like replacement parts and ammunition.
Asgard, Terra Nova's sun, was just rising as the enigmatic ship landed right next to the Normandy, separated by one of the spaceport's maintenance facilities. The transfer of supplies, both basic and military, could hence probably be completed over the day. Liara was scheduled to leave the hospital this evening, and thus with some luck the Normandy could start the next morning or maybe already during the night. Tali had returned to Shepard's cabin, or probably more correctly now to her and Shepard's cabin last evening but had left it again very early in the morning. She had not told Shepard what she was doing. The Spectre was somewhat amused about it, but also worried. After his speech, everybody on the squad could be a target.
"She really should have taken somebody along," Garrus commented on it. He was walking besides Shepard and was still basically acting as his 'bodyguards' of sorts. "That would have been more professional. And more secure."
"To be fair, she can take care of herself," Shepard answered. "She's been on most every combat mission so far, and even on the Citadel it looked like she would fight her way out of Fist's trap. It's just... a bit more dangerous than usual. And I'm allowed to be worried." He grinned slightly.
"It's still an issue of military professionalism," Garrus argued.
"We aren't an organized military," Shepard countered. "Tali obviously wants whatever she does to remain secret for now, and she does have a right to privacy. And it would be insulting towards her if I tried to protect her from anything, she can do that on her own. Even though I can help, of course." He grinned again.
"That's how it usually works in turian relationships," Garrus answered "but it has not always been like that among your people or among the quarians, has it?"
Shepard just shrugged. He and Garrus were walking around the maintenance facility separating the Normandy from the mysterious freighter carrying Fifth Fleet's supplies. As Shepard passed around its corner, he could see that most of the supplies were already in the process of being unloaded from the ships. Crates were standing everywhere.
He was about to reply in full to Garrus when a shout pierced through the air: "Get down! Sniper!"
It was a familiar voice, and so military instincts took over in him and Garrus: They dove to the ground. A shot rang above them. Shepard later could not say what had made him so receptive to the warning. Maybe he had processed the warning fast enough. Maybe the familiarity of the voice. Or maybe he had already been automatically more alert due to all the crates around. At least this time there is no mystery where they come from. He cursed, and half-ran, half-crawled to the nearest one, followed by Garrus.
Shepard wore a strong a shield generator, but no real armour. After all, this was not a combat mission, or rather, it had not been planned as one. He only had his shields and a pistol. Garrus, on the other hand, was on a kind of combat mission, as he had specifically gone with Shepard in order to protect him. Thus he was fully armoured and fully equipped. He took his sniper rifle in order to search the horizon for the attacker.
However, before he could really take aim, Shepard grabbed him at the arm and pointed to something he had just seen: More attackers. And they came straight for them. "This doesn't look good," Garrus muttered.
"We can't get out of here until you've taken care of that sniper," Shepard said. "Give me your assault rifle, I'll try to stop those guys."
Garrus nodded, let his assault rifle fall into Shepard's hands and then immediately focused on the sniper rifle again. For the Spectre it felt somewhat odd holding such a rifle again. He had become more used to close combat engagements with the shotgun. However, of course he knew how to use an assault rifle. Every soldier did, it was the most basic military weapon and every soldier received training with it. After all, one could compress training with it to just two weeks or less, if need be. Which had been the case with Shepard, whose military training had mostly been focused on his biotic skills. And right now, such a rifle would do very much better against the attackers than a pistol.
He was outnumbered, of course. He counted four attackers, and so he did not focus on shooting them down, but instead did his best to just keep them in cover. Suppressive fire, instead of aimed fire. He could only hope Garrus would be finished with his business before the assault rifle would overheat. What was almost worse than the number of the enemies was their outfit: They were all wearing Navy uniforms. Shepard cursed. He had expected a reaction, but so quickly? Wait a minute, would the Navy really send assassins in uniform? And indeed uniform at that, not combat armour. That was just silly, but Shepard could not ponder it. He was too busy making sure none of the four could escape his firing arc.
One of the opponents ran conveniently right into his fireline, but downing him heated up the rifle to dangerous levels. Finally he heard a shot behind him, and then Garrus exclaiming: "One less to worry about". Shepard fired a final salvo, let the assault rifle fall down and continued to fire with his pistol. Garrus joined in with his. The two stormed out of their cover, without needing to worry for snipers, and engaged the assailants in close combat. There was no doubt that they were Alliance Navy. Shepard was surprised to see pure hatred on their faces.
None of them surrendered. Why can't I ever meet an enemy who does? The Spectre hoped that emergency services would later be able to save at least some of them. However, he had not not the luxury to stay his hand; he was only defending himself. The last of the enemies even came rushing towards him as if in a berserker rage, wildly firing. Shepard's shields faltered, but Garrus shot the enemy down before the Spectre could take any real damage.
"That was all, I..." the turian began, but was interrupted: Wild, inarticulate shouting could be heard from the ship.
"Not over yet," Shepard said between heavy breathes and started to run again.
He sprinted around a further crate and raised his pistol. However, he did not shoot. The scene in front of him made him unsure: A female navy officer pressed herself against the ship's hull. A pistol lay to her feet, but she did not dare touch it, as she was kept in check by another woman: A highgrown, black-skinned and black-haired amazon with a fierce look of anger on her face. She held a pistol in her left hand, while her right hand glowed blue. A body in Alliance uniform lay to her feet. And Shepard knew her.
"Tisiphone!" he called out.
He had met her on Presrop, where she had been one of the members of Kyle's group. She herself had not believed in the "Father's" cult of personality, but had supported it because it gave so many biotics a home and a sense of belonging. Among them were many BAaT survivors, who virtually had nothing else in life but this community, and it had been their stories that had convinced Shepard to take up the fight for them. Tisiphone, too, had been at BAaT, and had sworn herself that she would get her revenge, that she would never forget and never forgive. She would not, however, sacrifice other people for her aims the way the Alliance had done. For now she would take care of her people. Shepard respected her greatly for that attitude, that she was neither meekly accepting of the facts nor the opposite extreme. He himself had no problems with revenge and hoped she would get hers.
Her head spun around, her long and heavy hair whirling in the air, but as soon as she had seen who had called she focused her attention back on the Alliance officer. "They planned this all as a trap," she said, spitting the words out in anger, "Typically Alliance. There are supplies on this ship all right, but it's all been a trap."
"This is madness!" the Navy member exclaimed. "We didn't even know Shepard would his treasonous little speech..." Tisiphone growled. "Okay, his speech! We didn't even knew he'd hold it, so how could it have been a trap? Ahmed and the guys acted on their own, out of pure rage."
"Ah, dead scapegoats," Tisiphone replied, "How convenient. And how very Alliance."
"To be fair, I don't think the Alliance would attack me this openly," Shepard said cautiously and began to carefully walk closer to the scene.
"If we strike you wouldn't even notice it!" the Navy officer lashed out in anger.
"Careful!" Tisiphone hissed.
"Oh shoot me then," the Navy officer said. "That's what your kind does, terrorist, isn't it?"
"Funny," Shepard intervened, "I could have sworn it were Alliance Navy soldiers who were just trying to shoot me."
"I can confirm that," Garrus said from behind Shepard. He now approached the scene, too. "I just checked. Two of the people who attacked us live. I applied medigel; emergency services should arrive soon. Two are dead. As for the sniper, I don't know."
Tisiphone looked at Garrus and made a face. She looked uncomfortable, but it was the Navy officer who reacted to what he had said."All because how you've slandered the Alliance, Shepard!" she shouted angrily. "Because of what you've said, of how you're inciting sedition against the Alliance, how you're throwing any loyalties into the wind..."
"It hurts, doesn't it?" Tisiphone asked sarcastically. She still held her pistol up. "What Shepard has said. What he has described. Painful to listen to, isn't it? But believe me, not half as painful as actually having been forced to go through it! Or to endure the implant!"
"The Alliance tried..." the Navy officer began.
"Don't!" Tisiphone interrupted her, "Don't try to justify any of it if you want to get out of here alive."
The Navy officer shot a glance to Shepard. There was panic in her eyes. "I wouldn't stop her," the Spectre stated calmly. It was mostly meant as a way to subdue her remaining resistance, but he was actually not so sure if he would in fact intervene or not. People trying to justify BAaT to an armed BAaT survivor would kinda have it coming.
"I went through it!" Tisiphone continued. "All Shepard has said is the truth. The Alliance had us tortured. They let Conatix and the turians do it, so they could get working biotics. And we had to go through hell for it. Even though they could have asked the asari for official aid. But that would have been embarrassing for them, so they rather had us tortured. And now you demand loyalty? You dare to?"
"Some L2s are with the Alliance..." the Navy officer began again.
However, again Tisiphone interrupted her: "Those are the traitors!"
That apparently shut the Alliance officer up. Shepard used to chance to speak up: "Now, I can believe these man were acting on their own. Otherwise they would have been better prepared, with better weapons and armour..."
"We didn't let them have that on board," Tisiphone interrupted him. "They must have smuggled that sniper rifle aboard. We only allowed side arms, and no armour."
"We?" Shepard asked. "What exactly happened?"
"Admiral Hackett does believe you are our only chance to save us from Saren's machinations," the Alliane officer began to explain. "So do I, which is why I'm on this mission. Pity it has to be somebody like you."
"The hero the Alliance deserves, not the one it wants," Tisiphone commented grinning.
"Whatever. It was because of that, because it is you, that the Admiral was willing to send you supplies," the Alliance officer continued. "However, of course, that's quite an illegal action. Misappropriation of Alliance material, support of mutineers... still, it had to be done. He just needed to make sure it could not be traced back to him and his supporters in Fifth Fleet."
"So he approached us," Tisiphone took over the story. "We should transport the goods. If anything were discovered, hey, it would just be biotic terrorists stealing Alliance equipment. Embarrassing, but not treason. Even when he goes against Alliance policy, that Hackett guy seems to be an Alliance man through and through in methods. He knew we owed you, so of course we agreed. Too bad it also meant taking a detachment of Fifth Fleet soldiers along."
"Those are our goods," the Alliance officer pointed out.
"Not anymore," Tisiphone just replied calmly. "They're Shepard's now."
"Let her go, Tisiphone," Shepard said. "She's not worse than a majority of humanity has proven to be. I don't think she's involved with the attacks on me. And somebody has to continue unloading the supplies."
Reluctantly, Tisiphone lowered her weapon. "Yeah. Better her kind than those people who feel so sorry for us and yet still support the Alliance and don't think you should have published this stuff. Fucking hypocrites. Better her open lack of empathy and common decency then." She turned to the Alliance officer again."You heard him. So be a good little Alliance lackey and do your job."
"I..." the Alliance officer began.
This time it was Shepard who cut her off. "Do it!" he ordered icily. The officer shot an angry glance to Shepard and then stomped off.
After she was gone Garrus said: "I understand your anger, but if you go on like that there will never be a reconciliation with the Alliance"
"I have no intention at all to ever reconcile with the Alliance," Shepard replied. He turned to Tisiphone: "I must say, it was quite a surprise to see you here. That was a clever move by Hackett. Very like the Alliance maybe, but clever."
"Yeah, the Alliance is nothing if not clever. Clever, ruthless, greedy and corrupt," Tisiphone replied. She still shot nervous glances to Garrus now and then.
Shepard nodded and looked down to the corpse at Tisiphone's feet. "And now it has come to this."
"The police will soon arrive to take care of this," Garrus said.
Shepard sighed. "True. Let's get away from here for now." He began to walk and turned to Tisiphone. "How's the group doing?".
"The... replacement base is a bit small and hence crammed, but it will do until we have found something better," Tisiphone replied. After refusing to go through with Hackett's order to turn Kyle in, Shepard had even given the group a location of a secret base he had cleared of criminals before, so that they could lay low for a while. "Maybe I should use the good reputation you have just gained her to to find something better," she suggested joking.
"Actually, I'd really consider that," Shepard answered seriously.
"Hm, maybe," Tisiphone said. "Oh, and sorry for having brought you into such a situation. You're okay, I hope?"
"Yeah, thanks to you. Your warning really saved our butts," Shepard stated.
"Just as you have saved us," Tisiphone answered, "so it's no big deal." It did sound as if it were not embarrassment about the praise or something like that, but a genuine belief that it was nothing big. She grinned. "And hah, won't that little incident drive the Alliance even deeper into shit. Alliance soldiers trying to gun you down one day after having saved the entire planet? I mean, even if they were acting on their own, the public reaction will be interesting. Oh boy..."
Shepard laughed, but then he realized something. "Shit," he cursed. "Ah, that would be nice, but maybe it would be best if we could hush this thing up."
"Hush it up?" Tisiphone asked totally surprised. Both she and Garrus looked at Shepard aghast.
The Spectre knew that such a proposal was very unlike him. However, he had his reasons. "Yeah. If we don't, then investigations will eventually come to what Hackett has done," he explained. "I'd lose my only ally, well sort of, at least, among the Navy's admiralty, and in the end the Alliance could point out to how disloyal those soldiers have been in the first place and thus avoid any media scandal."
"Unfortunately, this sounds logical," Garrus answered, "But I've seen too many cases of hushing things up in my time at C-Sec. I don't like the thought."
"Don't like the thought?" Tisiphone repeated angrily. "Doing such stuff is what the Alliance does. Aren't we supposed to be better? Next thing you know we're defending their hush-up of Brain Camp!"
"There's a difference," Shepard said. "This attack was on me. I was the target. I am the victim. So it is within my right to forgive or forget. And I choose to forget, for strategical reasons. Nobody can forgive or forget or force forgetfulness on part of others. And the dead cannot forgive or forget at all. They're dead, and need to be avenged."
To his surprise, Tisiphone's face changed completely, from anger to a respectful lopsided grin. "Huh," she voiced, "succinct argument. Well spoken. I need to remember that one."
"Besides, what fun would there be in another scandal for the Alliance if I wouldn't even be there to see it enfold?" Shepard joked, glad to see the tension go.
"Surprising as it may seem, Jon, your primary mission is indeed to find Saren," Garrus joked.
"Yeah, I guess it's necessary, what with the entire galaxy at stake and all that," Tisiphone said. "In fact, I've half a mind to volunteer. As you've seen I can hold my own. I've got some experience in... direct action."
Terrorist attacks she means, Shepard knew. "I assume there are other people to take this ship back to Kyle?" he asked. Tisiphone nodded, and he pondered the prospect. He did not doubt Tisiphone had the skills to be an asset. Together with her, his 'Spectre entourage', the remnants of the Marine Squad (Ashley and Private Ramirez) and himself he would have eight people, enough to have two ground parties if need be. On the other hand, if they had to employ the Mako, then he already had too many people. Plus, there was another thing to consider.
"Still, your people are probably rather vulnerable now," he said. "I mean, after my speech, and after this incident here..."
"That's true," Tisiphone conceded. She sounded like she was pondering the issue herself. "Might be we'll soon need every combat able person on our base. You never know. You surely have stirred up a hornet's nest."
"It's what I do," Shepard said with a grin. "Now, let's get this stuff onto the Normandy..."
…...
As he walked through the Normandy, Shepard realized that crew morale really was something he should have considered more before doing his speech. He had talked about the speech with nobody before; it had been a surprise to everybody. And to most aboard, it had been quite an unpleasant one. Shepard could not avoid but to be a bit disappointed with the crew, but then, it was not different than a majority of humanity in general: More outraged about the revelation of crimes than about the crimes themselves. Granted, I've gone a bit farther in this speech than just revealing crimes.
The ship had finally set out to its most important journey: Going to Ilos to find Saren and to prevent his machinations. In just some hours, they would arrive at the Mu Relay, this serendipitous shortcut to the ancient Prothean planet. The crew was fully devoted to this task, but Shepard knew that the grumbling among them that he had caused was not any helpful. As far as he was concerned, he had only told the truth - but maybe at a strategically unfortunate time.
It doesn't matter now. What was done, was done. What mattered now was looking forward, forward to the final confrontation with Saren and Sovereign. Nobody had any idea how many enemies they would face on Ilos, how far Saren had already come with his plans, what would await them. Seeing as the entire galaxy was at stake they would fight, but there was no guarantee of success. So before that ultimate battle, Shepard looked forward to some quiet time with Tali.
Whatever happens on Ilos, at least it will be with her at my side. It was an oddly comforting thought. Maybe he should not give such importance to such a new relationship. Maybe it was just the stress and pressure of the whole mission which made him do so. However, it was not exaggerated to say that no other person in the galaxy was as important to him right now as her. And now, as the possibility of death once more awaited both he wondered if he had this made clear enough to her.
With a sigh, he entered his cabin - and very nearly he would have instinctively drawn his weapon and looked for a target. A sensory beam had targeted him, prompting this only barely suppressed reaction. He looked to the ground and saw a small installation on the floor into which he had stepped. A field decontamination unit he realized. What the hell? He looked up again and saw Tali approaching him.
"What is that? Why is a decontamination unit here?" he asked the quarian engineer and stepped outside it.
She was nervous. Shepard knew this even before she started to talk; her helmet's mask could not hide it. It was in her movements, her body language. And it never failed to make Shepard's heart go soft. "Because we'll be at Ilos soon, and..." She hesitated, but managed to collect herself. Speaking more securely, she went on: "We don't know whether we'll make it. We might even already be too late. And even if not, Saren might still defeat us."
He won't, was Shepard's first reaction, but he didn't say it. She was right, it was a realistic possibility that they would lose. And she really was no little child that needed to be protected from the truth. "We'll fight," he said instead. "We'll do our best to defeat him." In any case it still had little to do with that decontamination unit in his cabin. However, he could get a hint of what Tali was going on about. His heart made a jump, and he looked at Tali in a new light. No child indeed; a grown woman, and quite attractive.
"And we'll fight with all our strength and passion," Tali said. "But sometimes that's just not enough. The universe doesn't always reward passion or skill or integrity. Ancestors know my people have learned that lesson. "
"If we lose this, we'll lose the whole galaxy," Shepard answered.
"Yes," Tali agreed. "That's why this unit is here. If we lose..." She hesitated again. Her entire pose was stiff and awkward. Too much so for Shepard to simply watch it: He laid his hands on her shoulders and let her slid into his embrace. "If we lose," she continued at his shoulder, "then I at least want to have been with you before. Without the suit. Just you and me. One last time just to ourselves, before we throw ourselves into battle."
Shepard's heart began to pound. He had wished for time with her, but he had not quite imagined that. Or at least, he had not planned that. What she proposed was attractive, to say at least, and yet - there was the issue of her health. "I'm not sure this is a good idea," he finally managed to reply. That was what his logic told him, but more primal parts of his mind were angrily scolding his rationality for that. That he could feel so deeply for her was due to her loyalty, her selflessness, her wit, her practical attitude - and yet, undeniably, she also was very attractive, from what the suit allowed to glimpse and from what he had seen on Noveria. She had an alien grace about her, and Shepard actually was eager to explore it. Yet, it would be too risky.
"I... I can understand if you have doubts," Tali replied and loosened the embrace "We don't need to do this. I think such... interspecies relationships are always complicated, so if you don't want to go that far yet, it's fine, I..."
"Tali," he interrupted her softly. She stopped. He was both amused and moved: That her first worry was about him was just so much like her. "It's not about what I want. What I want is you. But after I've seen the results of what we did on Noveria... maybe I should not have let myself get carried away there. Maybe that already was a bad idea."
"Not as far as I'm concerned," Tali replied. It sounded surprisingly sultry.
Shepard sighed. He strengthened the grip on her arms and looked her into the eyes. "You're right. Anything can happen within the next hours. Including the death of the galaxy. So let's not let anything unsaid. And it's just... I'm worried about you, Tali. Because... because I love you. That's why I'd want to be with you. But that's also why I wouldn't want you to get hurt if it can be any avoided. Because I love you." Tali's nervous movements stopped abruptly. "So, maybe it's just the best to... to... It just seems most logical to avoid any risks." He turned around and stood with his back to Tali.
She wrapped up her arms from behind him. "And do I get any say in your logical plan?" Despite everything, Shepard had to laugh. She had quoted him ad verbatim. Softly, she prompted him to turn around again. "When I set out on my pilgrimage I didn't think I'd get to hear these words. They mean a lot to me. I don't think I can express... - Because I love you, too, Jon. I love you. And that's why I'd face any danger to be with you." She tilted her head, a gesture of amusement. "After all, if I had wanted 'safe' I could have returned to the Flotilla at any time. It's not like you would have stopped me. But I never wanted to return. It's not just that I had a duty, that Saren needs to be stopped, I never wanted to. Because I want to be at your side, to be with you. And I'm willing to take some risks for that."
"I feel foolish needing such reassurances" Shepard said with lopsided smile. Tali chuckled, because this time he had quoted her. "But on Noveria it was a safe room at least, and.."
"I hope with the way the Normandy's air circulation system is set up, and with the additional decontamination units set up we can have the same safety levels here," Tali interrupted him. "I also got some special antiseptic and antibacterial lotions. All taken together, it should even be possible to delay any... reaction until after this all is over. One way or the other. So, if you have overcome your foolish notions," Shepard laughed, "then maybe you should get into the shower cell and clean yourself."
Shepard looked into the cell's direction and noticed that another field decontamination unit had been set up in front of it. He grinned. Well prepared. Of course. Isn't she always? Looking at Tali again, emotions welled up in him, and a tense but pleasant anticipation. "I love you," he said softly. Then he went to get a towel.
He knew this would be Tali's first time, and he knew it would again be her bearing the consequences. So he was determined to make this as worthwhile for her as possible. To make it special. For him the world could end tomorrow, too, like for anybody else, yet this would be all about her. Tali had been forced into her suit by the terrible circumstances of her people's exile for far too long, and Shepard knew she craved even the most simple sensations. Time to give the best sensations to her. That was foremost on his mind.
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Tali sat on Shepard's bed and waited. Her suit's internal cleaning program had already finished, and the immunoboosters slowly began to spread in her blood circuit. The sound of rushing water came out of the shower cell. Her heart hammered against her breast like wild. She had tried her best to hide her nervousness, to not give Shepard further second thoughts. It was in a way so foolish what he worried about - yet also so sweet. There would be consequences, of course. Further illness and further pains. However, she was used to that and she would not let her entire life be determined by her immune system deficiency.
Nonetheless, she was nervous. This was definitely outside any expectations she had held when she had set out for the pilgrimage. This was not how she had thought her first sexual encounter would be. This was not how quarian society thought a quarian's first sexual encounter should be. And yet, now that the galaxy might soon die, what did this all matter? Social expectations, personal expectations, all that mattered to Tali now was being close to Shepard. Because she had spoken true: She loved him.
With some embarrassment she thought about how she had acquired the decontamination units on Terra Nova. Walking through the streets of Scott had been a weird experience in general. Every person, literally every single person she had met was well inclined towards her. For a quarian, that was an entirely new experience. Everywhere else she had gone, she had been looked down upon, or had even been actively shunned or cast out. Simply because that was how people treated her race. Yet, on Terra Nova, she had not been just another quarian - she had been one of the saviours of the planet, and the people had seen and greeted her as such.
And the electronics shop owner to whom she had gone had concluded far too quickly for what she needed the units. There already were rumours about her and Shepard on the extranet after all, since their last visit to the Citadel. Tali had thought she would die on the spot as a knowing smile had flashed up on the shopkeeper's face. To her surprise and delight he had given her the two units free of charge, his contribution to the saviours of Terra Nova as he put it. Yet, Tali had barely been able to stammer a statement of thanks, before quickly fleeing the scene. Getting the hygiene lotions had been so much easier - there were after all countless possible uses for those.
The shower stopped. A short while later, Shepard stepped out of the cell, wearing only his tower and a grin on his face. Tali basked in his alien beauty, but the view also let her become almost shy. Her nervousness grew. Slowly, Shepard walked to her. There was a moment of awkward silence, as neither seemed willing to do the next step, until Tali stood up and laid a hand on his chest, tracing its outlines. She quickly undid her gloves so her fingers could freely continue the exploration of his upper body. Even if just her hands were freed of her suit so far, she soaked up the new sensations. She was excited and happy, and keenly aware that Shepard had only that towel around his waist left on him. He grinned slightly and used the time to remove her helmet - very slowly, giving her the chance to stop him, but of course she had no desire to.
Again, like on Noveria, Shepard smiled when he saw her face, and again, a feeling of inner warmth arose in her. Their lips met in a soft, longdrawn kiss that left both breathless. They took a step backward and half-fell, half-slid onto the bed, too engaged with each other to greatly care. However, Tali noticed that Shepard's towel had been left behind in the fall. Her feeling of excitement and also arousal grew. Soon, she would be out of this suit, would feel new sensations, would feel him... she could not wait anymore. She decisively grabbed Shepard's hand, triggering a small, surprised, muffled laughter from him, and led them to one of the many straps holding the suit together. He understood, and began very eagerly to work on them.
The outer layer of the envirosuit began to fall off from her, as both he and she removed them as quickly as their kisses in between allowed. Only once did Shepard look up, ready to say something - but Tali stroke with the tip of one finger over his mouth, left to right, a quarian gesture of silence the Spectre understood well enough. Tali had worried that maybe she was pushing things too fast now, too fast for him to adapt. But it was very clear now that he wanted this as much as she did, with his own emotions of excitement clearly visible. He had just been worried about her, and had been clearly willing to put his desires behind her needs. It was foolish, but it was gallant, loving foolishness. It made Tali knew she had nothing to worry about: She had taken care of her health problems, as well as possible, and with Shepard so close to her there simply was nothing else to fear. Syncing envirosuits was a great sign of trust among quarians, outright removing them even more so, but Tali did trust Shepard fully and completely. He would never harm her.
After she had removed her rubber neckpiece, Shepard's mouth immediately began to wander down. It was a new wave of new sensations washing over her, eliciting moans from her - followed by a suppressed shriek when Shepard found the seal on her back. He looked at her again, worried, but it had been just surprise: In fact, Tali urgently wanted him to go on. To filled with passion to articulate this, she just kissed him. The seal went off, and the envirosuit opened, exposing her back. She hesitated. She had not left the protective shell of her suit in over a decade. She knew she could still stop now. Shepard would understand... but she would not forgive herself for wasting this. After all, she wanted it.
Shepard's finger tenderly stroke along her spine. It was a wonderful feeling, and Tali would not let the chance escape to feel it everywhere on her body. She began to peel her arms out of the envirosuit. It was an odd sensation to have an arm surrounded by nothing but open air for the first time in several years - however Shepard immediately took it and began to explore it with kisses and gentle caresses. It felt good. In a jerking move, she pulled further out of the envirosuit. Her entire upper body was now laid free.
She struggled between hesitation, even a shyness creeping up, and her passion, her desire to go on. Her hands automatically moved on, but Shepard stopped them. He looked at her, temporarily raising her insecurity, and said softly: "Beautiful. You're beautiful". She smiled relieved, looked at him in return, up and down, and answered whispering: "That's only fair after the view you've granted me. You're beautiful." He laughed softly, pulled his arms around her and pulled her very close to him. They lay now skin to skin, tightly held together. It was an overwhelming sensation for Tali, especially as Shepard still managed to make his tongue reach every part of her exposed upper body.
She returned the favour, and both her tongue and fingers were exploring his body. Another surprising sensation hit her when his lips began to reach her breasts. She groaned and grabbed his shoulders. He looked up her, smiling but hesitating. Worrying whether to go on. She returned his smile and caressed his cheeks. By the ancestors, but I do love him... oh keelah! Shepard's tongue played with her breasts. Her grip on his shoulders became tighter and her moans increased.
It was amazing. So far, her body had merely been a necessity for Tali, a tool to be held in shape and a source of illness and bad feelings. To experience as a source of such good feelings was new for Tali, and it was wonderful. Her body would pay for that, she knew - but that would be later, and there was no later for her in that instant. There was only a timeless now of bliss and passion.
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Tali was a glowing furnace in Shepard's arms. Quarian body temperature was higher than humans', and their heart beat faster, too. He could feel hers pulsating the blood through her body at a, for him, insane rate. It felt good to feel her like that, every single detail of her body. He was determined to explore every last centimetre of it. His entire world consisted of her body in his arms, and he wanted to offer it all the sensation he could give. Nothing else mattered.
His hands caressed her back, and his mouth was closing in on her breasts. The skin at her spine was hardened, and her breasts seemed to have some sorts of multiple, secondary nipples. According to the exobiology extranet site he had visited, both were evolutionary remissions; the former from the thick hide of better armoured ancestors, and the latter from ancestors who had in fact possessed multiple teats. But those facts were meaningless to him now, just empty words. Rather, he wanted to discover all the details himself, wanted to feel for himself these new sensations. Her smell, the feel of her skin, her long and slender tongue on his. Faintly luminescent eyes without irises looking at him, hands with three nail-less fingers touching him. Much of it was different, so many little things that were new to him. However, that only added to the alien beauty and majesty of her body.
It was not that Shepard could love Tali despite the anatomical differences; rather he adored her quarian body. He was attracted to it and aroused by it. His mouth wandered down and, dedicated to let her feel as much as possible, his hands now went to her breasts. She reacted in a most agreeable way: Moaning, she began to wiggle herself out of her envirosuit, to free also her lower body from it. He stopped his kisses for a moment, to help her move a leg out of the envirosuit. He took it and began working on it. He worshipped her body, and that was a very apt thing to do: He definitely thought it worth of worship.
He continued with his kisses and touches, going over both legs, wandering upward and ending up at her inner thighs. He grinned and began to tease her most intimate area with circling, short kisses. Tali's moans turned into an inarticulate protest, causing Shepard's grin to widen. In reaction, she took his shoulders, and pulled herself beneath him. Now it was her grinning at his surprised face. They looked into each others eyes, and then suddenly, as if they had exchanged a telepathic signal, their lips met again for a passionate kiss, and their bodies pulled together tightly again.
Tali's left hand began to fumble for something on the ground next to the bed. Breathlessly, Shepard pulled apart from the kiss and looked. Her hand came up again, holding a condom. Shepard's eyes widened, but then he understood and laughed. It was indeed probably best to minimize any amount of foreign biomaterial entering her body. How typical. She thinks of everything. In reaction to his laugh she looked kinda unsure. Shepard took her hand, and took the condom. "Not only beautiful, but clever and considerate as well," he whispered. "I love you."
Seconds later, the need for any words, or for even only any straight thoughts completely vanished. Two bodies that should have been separated by species, culture and duty united in defiance of all fate.
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Tali lay besides Shepard, and both were panting. After they had separated again, he had pulled her body close to his side. A satisfying exhaustion had taken hold of her. She felt utterly content, and warm and snug besides Shepard. It was a feeling of almost being bodiless. No clear thought was in her mind, just an overwhelming emotion of connection to and love for Shepard. An euphoric feeling, but as she came down from the emotional high she realized it was also a dangerous one.
They both let their bodies catch breath, and they both simply laid there for quite a while. Shepard slowly stroke her arms, and she his leg and hand, but that was just about the only movement. However, after a while, thoughts did enter Tali's mind again, unbidden and unwelcome. Eventually, she spoke up: "What now?"
At first it almost looked like she would get no answer. Only after some time did Shepard answer sluggishly: "What... do you want... now?"
"What I want..." Tali answered, equally slowly. "I want to be with you. I want this mission to succeed. I want to return in triumph to the Fleet. But I can't have that all at once." She paused. "I'm... I'm sorry. But now that I've truly felt how important you are to me, I dread the decision."
"You know I'll go with whatever you want," Shepard answered, but then chuckled: "But I guess that's no great help to you right now."
"Not exactly," Tali answered. "It's just..." The words for the emotional conflict that suddenly had broken out in her failed her.
Shepard's head turned around and he kissed her on the cheek. "Don't worry. That's all in the future. Nearby, but still the future, and we still don't know what will happen in a few hours on Ilos."
That was true. Tali remained silent, and decided to just further enjoy Shepard's presence. However, after a while the Spectre spoke up again softly: "I don't want to force you to choose. I don't want to stand between you and the Fleet, that wouldn't be fair to you." Tali's heart made a jump, because she already half feared he'd decide on leaving her for her own sake. He would just be foolishly gallant enough for that. However, he went on: "But I can give you some more time to decide, maybe." He grinned. "After all, we still didn't talk about your payment for that geth data. I think a year or a half of ship service would be enough. Or you know, how long ever you need to get a clear mind and come to a decision what to do. So you could use this as an excuse to stay for a while without making a final decision."
"That explanation, that I need to do further work to earn my pilgrimage gift, would certainly work as public explanation," Tali pondered. "And the prospective of staying some months more with you is... attractive." She looked up and down his body. "Very attractive."
"Is that so?" Shepard answered grinning. "Shall I show you again just how attractive?"
"I wouldn't be..." Tali began and wanted to end 'against that idea', but she was suddenly interrupted by Joker speaking through the Normandy's communication system. He sounded unusually professional and serious. "Bridge to Shepard. We're five minutes out from the Mu Relay."
Shepard grunted in response. "Jeez, already?" he muttered, apparently mostly to himself. "Hrn, spoilsport. Could've flown the ship slower." And to Tali: "Of course, it was also you. You certainly made time fly by. You were fantastic."
"I?" Tali answered with genuine surprise. "It was you who... I never felt so alive." She grabbed her envirosuit. "And now I need to get back into that."
"It may not be much of a consolidation for you," Shepard replied while rolling off the bed and standing up. He looked at her and spoke softer: "But to me you'll always be beautiful, with or without suit."
He helped her into the envirosuit, kissing every part of her goodbye again - for now. After a while, Tali giggled and said: "Okay. Yes. I understand you'll miss my legs and arms and belly and..."Shepard had wandered upwards from the belly "Oh keelah, stop this!" she protested under further giggling. "You really should go the CIC now. Wouldn't do if they had to drag us from the cabin."
"True," Shepard replied. "We need to defeat Saren. If only to have time to repeat this."