Heart Skipped A Beat
5.
"It's my heart you're stealing,
and it's my heart you'll take.
It's my heart you're dealing with,
and it's my heart you'll break."
"Any news about Dean?" Castiel asked Bobby who was reading a book about angel sigils in the library, "And Samuel of course." Cas added quickly in embarrassment of forgetting one half of the whole. His conscience ate away at him as he remembered painfully that Dean was the only thing he really cared about at this point. He sifted uncomfortably in his chair across the room at the magnitude of such a thought.
"Called last night," Bobby answered absentmindedly, thumbing through his pages.
Cas waited patiently in his plush chair, scanning the mirage of book spines stationed on the rows of shelves in the library. Some titles gave him a jolt as if he had read them before, or as if they meant something to him. He brushed this assumption off, considering the names of the books that gave him these feelings: the bible, a book about purgatory, various hardcover's about demons and angels.
"The hunt went well, surprisingly considering those idjits were gone for so damn long. I mean a whole three days without contacting us I swear -" Bobby grumbled to himself, his words becoming too jumbled to be understood by Cas.
The angel rolled his eyes. Three days ago the brothers had claimed they had to leave to take care of something, and they wouldn't say what or where as they left Cas in the hands of Bobby. That wasn't what bothered him, since they gave him money and keys to an old car from Bobby's junkyard (which was next to useless since Cas had no intention of learning how to drive) so he was not a prisoner in any sense. It was when Bobby sat him down one night over TV dinners in the living room and tried to explain everything. Cas had listened politely maybe even intently at some bits, but even Bobby's story telling skills couldn't convince him.
"It was only a few vampires, so we shouldn't have wasted our time worrying about them," Bobby mumbled, glancing sideways at Cas' stifled reaction of disbelief. The old hunter dog-eared a page in his book and smacked it shut producing a small cloud of dust.
"I wouldn't lie to you boy," Bobby said turning to face Cas so that they were holding a conversation from either sides of the library. "Well.." He drawled out in a second thought, chuckling. "You went on hunts with Sam and Dean before, and sometimes you even helped more than you hindered." Bobby teased lightly, remembering all the times having an angel of the lord on the team had caused issues.
Cas pondered this for a moment, and true enough he had little flashes of things he didn't quite understand. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he knew that he had hunted with the Winchesters once upon a time; as much as he didn't want to believe it.
"Yes, I vaguely remember."
"That's real good," Bobby commented sincerely, reopening his book without another word.
When the Winchester brothers returned they brought take-out Chinese food with them. "Hey Bobby, miss me?" Sam asked playfully, unloading an armful of cardboard boxes and dishes on to the kitchen table. The old hunter snorted as Sam ducked out of the kitchen again laughing, brushing past Dean who greeted Bobby with a smirking face.
"How was babysitting the baby in the trench coat?" Dean asked preparing to stuff his face in greasy food while Sam unloaded the impala.
"Kid's been having night terrors, don't think he's slept a wink this whole week," Bobby shrugged his shoulders, sitting at his end of the table sniffing appreciatory at the containers of hot food.
Dean's stomach fell, his appetite long gone with the news of Cas' struggles. He had hoped in vain that when he returned Cas would be back to his ignorant angel self and that life would return back to normal - but apparently nothing could ever work out in Dean's favour.
Sam and Cas both entered the room at the same time, Sam looking buoyant and content while Cas on the other hand looked miserable. It made Dean instantly regret leaving him in favor of the hunt, but it seemed like such a good idea at the time. But now with Cas' haggard sleep deprived face lighting up at the sight of him, it was enough to make the hunter sick.
Cas' eyes shone brightly when he first saw the brothers. He didn't know how to greet them so he simply said, "Hello Dean, Sam." With a curt nod sat himself down at the table, opening a container of Thai noodles.
"Hey Cas, how were things while we were away?" Sam asked signalling to the others with his hands to dig into the meal.
Cas looked up from his mouthful of noodles; something told him by the look on Sam's face that table manners and social interaction weren't his strong points in the past. He quickly swallowed his food and cleared his throat, "Bearable."
"Just barley," Bobby threw in winking at Cas.
Sam laughed his big stupid oaf of a laugh but Dean only continued playing his fork in his fried rice, no one noticed that he hadn't had a mouthful of food yet. His short fuse ran shorter as the hunter watched Cas up to his old antics, stuffing food into his face and awkwardly playing with his feet under the table because he never learned personal space.
Dean snapped, "Let's get one thing straight right now Cas, you're taking the bed upstairs got it?"
Dean was expecting a couple of comebacks, a heated battle of glares across the table, but instead Cas only tilted his head in a way that killed the hunter every time and muttered, "If you insist Dean."
The couch was way too small for Dean, his legs peaked over one end while his head threatened to roll off the edge of the other. He swore craning his neck into a more comfortable position as he stared at the marks on the ceiling in hopes it would put him to sleep. No such luck tonight.
Bobby's house was deathly quiet for once, the only sounds being the great grandfather clock ticking rhythmically to itself, Sam's soft snores from the panic room where he slept, and the occasional blood curdling scream. Dean sighed unable to ignore it any longer, Cas was kooked up upstairs screaming his head off periodically. The night would be calm and silent only to be rudely interrupted by the noises ripped from the angels throat from behind a closed door.
Dean stealthily climbed the staircase, careful not to wake anybody. He stood outside of Cas' bedroom door rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet fighting with himself. To go in or not go in that is the question. Sighing Dean strode up to the closed door and knocked on it timidly. He waited holding his breath as he listened for any sign of the Angel being awake. After a couple of long painful minutes passing Dean turned away ready to get back to his couch, when the door suddenly creaked open.
Cas stood in the open doorway rubbing his eyes in a simple grey cotton shirt and his boxers; the sight of the angel so vulnerable made Dean blush.
"Dean?" Cas' voice cracked from sleep.
Dean entered the bedroom, and closed the door behind him hearing it lock. He gulped at the intimacy of the situation before kicking his mind in the butt for straying so far off. "You were screaming," Dean gaped, stating the obvious.
Cas frowned, his eyes creased with dark circles. He backed up, taking a seat on the edge of his unmade bed patting the space beside him and looking tiredly up at Dean. The hunters skin prickled as he took one step after another to get beside the angel. When he sat down the bed groaned in protest announcing how close they were in proximity.
"Nightmares," Cas croaked running a frustrated hand through his messy hair, "No, just one nightmare - the same one every night."
"About what?" Dean asked skeptically, unable to imagine anything that would scare the angel.
"I don't know - it doesn't really make sense."
Dean waited, watching Cas fidget on the bed trying to get his thoughts in line. Cas wrinkled his nose, making a pained expression. "It starts off differently each time, but I always seem to find myself falling," Cas began his voice no louder than a whisper. "Falling in a endless, pitch black pit and I just keep tumbling horribly downwards and it never ends until finally-" The angels voice broke and his breath hitched when he spoke again. "Finally I see a light, the most tremendous bright shining light I have ever seen, in a place so dark no light should be able to shine and yet there it is guiding me." Cas sucked in a deep breath of air, his lips on the verge of trembling.
"And suddenly I'm flying, no soaring through this hell hole towards the light - the only thing that matters."
"Let me guess, you never make it to the light?" Dean interrupted his voice low and caring. He wasn't the smartest person on the planet, but he had caught on to Cas' nightmare almost instantly. There was no mistaking Cas was remembering gripping Dean out of the pit, but told like this it made Dean choke up.
"No, I grab the light and it's the most fleeting, complete feeling I have ever experienced," Cas explained foiling Dean's suggestion, "It's only when I wake up do I remember ever losing the light in the first place, to wake up empty handed like that it almost aches."
"Okay, I get it," Dean ground out between clenched teeth, hoping Cas wouldn't say anything else of such magnitude. The angel pursed his lips looking desperately towards Dean for answers or condolence, but instead Dean stood from the bed and turned around. Without warning Dean shimmied his shirt up and over his head, throwing the discarded shirt to the ground.
Cas watched intrigued, not sure how to react to his supposed boyfriend suddenly stripping instead of helping him understand his onslaught of nightmares.
"You saved me once Cas," Dean whispered with his back still turned away from the angel. "You gripped me tight and raised me from hell," Dean turned slowly, exposing the hand-print scar on his shoulder for Cas to see.
The angel stifled a gasp, his eyes widening at the red puckered flesh on Dean's shoulder. As Dean rounded the bed to sit back down, Cas couldn't help but hesitantly place his right on over top the scar, tsking when he found his hand was a perfect fit. "Literally?" He asked, thumbing the slightly raised skin absentmindedly.
Dean gave the angel a lopsided smile, ignoring how Cas' hand burned and tingled his bare skin, "You tell me."
"I don't know, I hope so," Castiel whispered through a shit-eating grin that Dean had never witnessed on the angels face before. It caught the hunter off guard and made his heart sputter uselessly. Dean hoped more than anything Cas' didn't notice the sudden change in atmosphere.
They were in dangerous territory now, on the bed so close, Cas' touching him like he was, Bobby and Sam sound asleep downstairs. They were safe behind a closed door, but Dean knew no matter how persistent and undeniable his libido was he wouldn't dare touch a hair on Cas' head - not yet. Since when did he so willingly change teams Dean wondered but he already knew the answer, he hadn't it was only Cas - it had always just been Cas.
Kicking his own ass mentally, Dean decided to ruin the moment to prevent something he couldn't stop from happening, "I can stay here tonight if you want." Dean said confusing even himself, "Maybe you won't have nightmares if I do or whatever," He resisted the urge to face palm himself for being so dumb.
"If you think that will work," Cas said gingerly, his hand falling from Dean's shoulder.
"What the hell," Dean mused crawling across the half of the bed that was already made, he sprawled himself out on top of the covers lying completely still with his face angled towards the ceiling. He focused on his breathing, just the steady in and out as Cas snuggled in beside him, throwing the covers over himself. They lay in bed beside each other, breathing, Dean hyper aware of every movement or sound the late angel made. How the hell did he get in this situation again, "Just until you fall asleep that is." Dean clarified, mortified of how Bobby and Sam would react over Cas and his innocent sleepover.
Cas glanced at Dean through hooded sleepy eyes, his expression blissful, "Thank you Dean Winchester."
Dean did not respond, he didn't want to spoil the moment with petty words. The hunter watched the angels eyes flutter closed and his breathing slow to a faint snore. He had never seen Cas so vulnerable and peaceful, so undeniably human - it scared him.
"Nothing else has worked and we aint got nothing to lose," Bobby exclaimed, crossing his arms in conclusion.
"The case I just found is a no-brainer Dean, just the usual teenage possession," Sam added, glancing over his laptop computer screen. "I'm all for Cas joining us on this hunt."
"I'm not convinced." Dean growled stubbornly, verclempt at the very idea of bringing Cas in his state on any kind of hunt. He didn't want the angel getting in their way, and putting other people in danger, putting himself in danger. Dean wouldn't hurt Cas knowingly, so be it if he was being an over protective mother hen.
"Look I know you don't want him slowing us down, but it'll be fine and Cas might even remember something," Sam crooned, making a pleading face at Deans scowling face.
Just then Cas came bounding down the staircase, "Did someone call my name?" he called out.
Suddenly Dean came face to face with the lively faced Angel, apparently refreshed after his full night's sleep by Dean's side. "We were discussing bringing you on a hunt."
"More Vampires?" Cas chided, bustling past Dean and towards the fridge. The angel opened the door and grabbed a coke before turning back to the hunters. "A hunt sounds adequate, it could possibly bring back some memories."He threw his head back, taking greedy gulps of the soda pop, "Only if you want me there, of course."
Sam stood from his computer, coming to rest his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "You're always welcome, so get ready to kick some demon ass, just like the good old days."
"The good old days," Dean repeated the words losing their vigor as they slipped out of his mouth.