Castle and Beckett hadn't broken their staring contest for over half an hour.

Ryan and Esposito were peeking at them, as were most of the Precinct from time to time.

They were sitting at the desk, with their hands flat on the table top. Not a twitch, not a blink, not a word.

"For the record, I knew immediately that the whole scene at my dad's apartment was a put on." Beckett said finally. "You knew full well he was a recovering alcoholic. You never would have brought over a six-pack."

"Non-alcoholic." Castle allowed, not moving a muscle. "But half of writing a scene is setting the scene."

Beckett gave him a single nod, and the staring contest resumed.

"Don't you have somewhere to go?" Castle said finally.

"Why? Where'd you have in mind?" She dared him, not flinching.

"The break room? Little girls room? Shooting range?"

"That where you put the bucket of water over the door?" Beckett interrogated him.

A moment later Castle's cell phone rang. He never shifted his hands from the desk.

"You should answer that." Beckett suggested, not breaking eye contact for an instant.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Castle responded. "What'd you do? Tie a joy-buzzer to my phone?"

And so the stalemate lasted, both of them paralyzed by the battle of wills that was now in the fourth day, until Gates came in, furious. "Beckett! You've got a call. Stop playing footsie with Castle and go answer it! There's a killer out there laughing at you right now."

Beckett was on her feet instantly. Castle noticed Ryan and Esposito glaring at him like it was all his fault. Castle had the decency to look embarrassed. The rules of their little war were ill defined.

"We'll get better at this!" He shouted after her, unsure of what else to say.

Despite some of their more interesting challenges, 99% of murders were committed in the heat of the moment. Finding the killer was rarely as difficult as the thrillers made it sound. Coming home that night gave Beckett time enough to search her furniture for practical joke landmines.

She was in the middle of a pitched battle, and Castle was not quite as unprepared as she would like.

She needed a battle plan. She didn't want a chess game, she wanted a shock-and-awe campaign. This was not to be a boxing match, this was to be an execution.

And to guarantee the kind of victory she was accustomed to, she needed reinforcements.

Martha would be no help. Nor would Ryan and Esposito. Her dad had declared his allegiance in the game, the rat traitor...

That left an old ally. A criminal mastermind who's cunning was equal to her own.

She answered on the third ring. "Q3."

"Madison, it's me." Beckett said coolly. "We have a code 'Whoopee'."

Madison's voice hardened. "I'm on my way."

"We could get him drunk and handcuff him to the Times Square Video Screen." Madison suggested.

"No, we can't go falling back into old patterns, we need something… unexpected here." Beckett explained. "Castle is cunning and there are a number of best-seller lists that suggest he has a good imagination."

"Come at him sideways?" Madison considered. "Well, he went to your father. We could go to his mom."

"Martha is already on our side, but not in an active capacity. She likes seeing his nose tweaked, but she's not my biggest fan at times... Castle is bulletproof when it comes to embarrassing public spectacle. Waking up naked and handcuffed to a tree in Central Park… To him that's a great night. You haven't read his police file. I have."

Madison's nose wrinkled as she gave the matter further thought. "Well... His clothes, his hair, his house... Those things are all flammable."

"Mmm. Too far."

"Especially since you wanna make little Castle babies."

"Don't go there." Beckett warned, but without any real anger.

"I'm just saying, the last one to get you this riled up with Toni Tribbiani. And you remember how that turned out."

"With me holding your hair back while you puked up the celebratory bender." Beckett agreed solemnly.

"And you getting a tattoo removed a month later." Madison shot back.

"Mm." Beckett sipped her coffee. "We may have taken that little Prank War a bit far."

"How far you want to take this one?" Her oldest friend asked primly.

"As far as he will."

"You've gotten bloodthirsty Katie. I think I like it."

"I'm not that bloodthirsty." Beckett defended. "But I'd rather die than give in to Castle on anything ever."

"Why?" Madison asked, a little alarmed at her vehemence.

"Well, it's Castle. He's so damn competitive."

"Well. There's the Champagne Shocker." Madison suggested.

Beckett grinned and pulled her phone. "Alexis?" She called a moment later. "I need a small favor."

"You have his teenage daughter on speed dial?" Madison felt her jaw drop.

"This was a great idea." Castle agreed as the waiter brought them their entrée.

Alexis smoothed her evening-ware dress and smiled innocently. "Well, with both of us so busy at the precinct now, we haven't had any time for each other lately."

Castle chuckled. "Seems like only yesterday the day Beckett showed up while we were in the middle of a laser tag war."

"You're just mad that you lost."

"I did not lose, we were interrupted by your grandmother."

Alexis took a sip of her drink primly. "All part of my master plan."

Castle smiled affectionately at his daughter. The best part of being a famous rich guy was getting a table at any exclusive restaurant at any time you wanted. A night out with his favorite girl was just what the doctor ordered.

Alexis lifted the napkin to her lips a moment, and stood up. "Excuse me a moment."

Two seconds after she was gone, her chair was occupied again. Castle looked up as a familiar blonde sat down opposite him. "Madison."

"Hello Rick. It's been a while." She gave him a mock glare. "You don't call me any more."

"That's true. My fault." Castle held his hands up in surrender. "Got kinda busy. Forgive me?"

"Of course. But if you wanted a great meal, you could have come to Q3. You know I would have a table ready for you."

"Alexis choice." Castle waved that off. "What brings you by? Sizing up the competition?"

"You have no idea." Madison grinned, suddenly somewhat terrifying.

Castle sat bolt upright in his seat. "Oh god, you know about what's going on with Beckett! What did you do to my food?"

Madison burst into heartless cackles. "You know, back in grade school, there was this guy Katie and I knew. He used to pull on her pigtails all the time."

"Beckett had pig-tails?" Castle grinned in jaded awe.

"Yup. And this guy loved yanking them halfway out of her head. It was the only way he could tell her he liked her. So. You having a prank war with Beckett to get her attention back now that she's just taking you for granted? Or do you just hate to lose?"

The waiter brought them two flutes of champagne and set them down on the table. "We didn't order these." Castle said nervously.

"I did." Madison said brightly, taking a sip of the nearest glass.

Castle looked over his shoulder, still terrified. "What has Beckett done with my daughter?"

Madison chuckled. "Alexis is a good egg. Much like Jim Beckett."

Castle suddenly felt surrounded. "Madison, you sure you want to get into this?"

"You mess with Kate Beckett, you mess with her whole family." Madison said lightly.

"I'm family too." Castle said sincerely.

"I know. That's the best part." Madison nodded, and pulled a diamond ring out of her pocket.

Castle's eyes focused on it. "Is that Joanna Beckett's ring?"

"Uh-huh." Madison said with a smile. Before Castle could react, she dropped it into her champagne flute.

Castle felt his heart stop.

"EEEE!" Madison squealed like a hyperactive dolphin, making every head in the restaurant turn to their table as she fished the ring back out and put it on her finger. "RICKY! I'M SO HAPPY! YES! YES, OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU!" She pounced across the table and landed in Castle's lap, smothering him with kisses as everyone in the restaurant burst into warm applause, so thrilled for them.

Castle didn't even notice the people snapping photos.

Alexis was at the bathroom door watching the whole thing, and she was not amused.

Madison had told the story three times, embellishing details as needed, and Beckett was polishing her mother's ring clean of champagne when her cell phone rang. She flipped it open. "Becke-"

"Do you have any idea what happens to me when the papers declare my dad off the market?" Alexis snarled into her phone. "Why didn't you tell me what the plan was?"

Beckett was stunned. "Alexis I…"

"My friends crowd around me, all convinced that I have a new wicked stepmother; half my teachers are Castle Groupies, demanding to know if I'm taking her name. Bridal magazine see a celebrity on the engaged list and start calling me, offering to make my bridesmaid dress at cost if I'll put in a good word for them with the bride. And then my mom calls; demanding to know all about Madison, and why I didn't tell her. You've met her, would you want to have that conversation?"

"Blame me." Beckett said. It seemed the safest thing to say.

"Oh believe me, I did." Alexis said sharply. "I told them all the truth. I told my teachers who want to know all about you, then my friends, who don't believe it's that simple, then my mom, wanting to know what you're still doing in his life, and 'maybe I should come back to New York; just to keep an eye on things for a while'. Detective, I was happy to play this little game with you because it's all in good fun, but if this is just you throwing my dad a bone so he'll hang around a little longer, just remember my name. I'm Team Castle."

Beckett reacted. "Meaning?"

"Meaning you might want to be careful which allies you burn in this little game. If any of us are going to shift teams, we both know the most likely suspect is me."

Alexis hung up on her then.

Madison cleared her throat loudly and Beckett looked over as she put her phone away.

Madison mimed someone pulling on her hair, a wide grin on her face.

Beckett rolled her eyes and put her phone away. "I think I might have lost that one on points."

Madison laughed delightedly. "What's next?"

Ryan and Esposito were humming 'Here Comes The Bride' when Castle walked into the 12th the next day.

Beckett came to her feet as he walked in, and the Precinct came to a screeching halt as Castle and Beckett faced off like gunslingers, ten feet of distance between them.

"You think you won." He told Beckett solemnly. "But you drove Alexis over to my side. That. Was... A Mistake."

Beckett didn't flinch. "Madison says there were a lot of freebies waiting for her when she got to work this morning. She's thrilled. She wants to know what's next."

"Nothing is next." Castle said seriously. "This is over. It was fine, so long as it was all fun and games, but now my daughter's life has been made more difficult because you were having fun. I'm calling a cease joke."

Beckett considered. "These things have a tendency to escalate. Bowing out while it's still small might be the smarter move."

This was all done with great formality. A treaty being negotiated.

Around the room, their audience let out a low groan at the notion that the show was ending. "Oh come on! What the hell kinda fun is this?" Someone shouted from the back of the room. "We came to see a boxing match, and we get synchronised swimming!"

Esposito faced the assembled cops. "Come on people, we all knew it couldn't last forever."

Ryan piped up. "We were expecting it to be at a double funeral too, but que sera sera."

Castle and Beckett shook hands promptly. "Well then. Thus ends the war." Castle said with formality.

"And kudos for being the bigger person about it." Beckett said graciously.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well... I got the last shot in before we shook on it."

Ryan grumbled and pulled out his wallet. Esposito took the twenty without the slightest trace of humor on his face.

"Wanna bet?" Castle said, in a voice that spoke of absolute doom.

Ryan suddenly grinned and snatched the twenty back.

"What?" Esposito hissed.

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know where he's going with this, but it looks like we're in for extra innings."

Beckett leveled him with a glare. "What did you do?"

Castle stood up. So did Beckett. Castle pushed the chair back a little, moving into the aisle. Beckett registered the movement and slowly stepped around the desk to match it.

Castle just smiled. "How are you enjoying the morning coffee?"

"Fine." Beckett said guardedly, eyes flicking to the enormous cup.

Castle shifted his weight to the side, as if getting into a stance. Beckett noticed and stepped a little closer.

"Well, after Maddie won her Oscar Award last night," Castle said conversationally. "I came in, and as usual I stopped by the old espresso machine."

He moved again. She countered. Step, shift, step.

"And... did what?" Beckett probed.

He moved again. She countered. Step, shift, step.

"Nothing at all. I don't use the espresso machine in practical jokes, it was a gift that I gave you."

Ryan and Esposito traded a glance, remembering the 'mummy curse' prank campaign.

"I did however..." Castle continued. "...notice that your coffee beans were expired. I figured I should do the right thing and... make sure my muse wasn't cut off from her supply. Especially since she hasn't trusted a single cup I've brought her since this little game began."

He moved again. She countered. Step, shift, step.

"And may I add Detective, how brave it is, to tweak the nose of your dealer." Castle said brightly.

Beckett's eyes flicked to the coffee cup again. "Castle." She said calmly. Too calmly. Scary calmly. "Am I... drinking decaf?"

Castle moved again. She countered. Step, shift, step.

"Yes." Castle said directly, and turned to run instantly. Beckett took off after him.

"He's a dead man." Ryan said shortly.

"Naw, she can't catch him without caffeine."

There was a loud smash from the break room, before Castle came running out, looking decidedly less amused. Beckett was hot on the chase.

Esposito turned back to Ryan. "They ain't done, are they?"

"Oh, it's on." Ryan said seriously. "Double the bet?"

AN: Read And Review!