Hi everyone, and welcome to the second chapter of Seto Kaiba's Kickassia.
I'm sorry it took so long to get this chappie out, but it's finished, so i hope you like it ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic, except for the idea to create this crossover. Kickassia belongs to Thatguywiththeglasses, Yu-Gi-Oh belongs to Kazuki Takahashi, and Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged belongs to LittleKuriboh.
Kaiba was checking in on the troops for his next attempt to invade the small nation, and everything seemed to be going alright. Rex and Weevil were designing a plan, that consisted on Rex ridding on Weevil's shoulders to battle, sword in hand, and wearing a spartan outfit (a fact that made them laugh more than actually do any sort of planning whatsoever), Tristan was practicing with his bat, everyone who had firearms was either cleaning them, making sure they had plenty of ammo (Joey himself was practically holding at least sixty percent of all the ammo that Kaiba gave them, which couldn't spell good news), or just trying them out to get used to them. Yami was the only one present that seemed to want as much distance from his weapon as possible, seeing as he deemed it "a completely useless weapon, even worse than a Kuriboh."
However, there was one person who was not present during training.
"Hey, Bakura!" called out Kaiba. "Do you know where your friend is?"
"Why does everyone assume I know where Marik is at all times! What do I look like, his bloody keeper?" asked Bakura, annoyed.
"You're the one who hangs out with him the most. Besides..." Kaiba pointed out, smirking. "I never said who I was referring to..."
Being unable to counter, Bakura simply looked to the side, and told Kaiba that Marik had gone to the hotel room. Kaiba then headed to the hotel room, and found Marik there, staring at nothing in particular, lost within his own thoughts.
When he heard the door open and close, he turned to see Kaiba, but remained with his back to him.
"Is everyone preparing for battle?"
"They are, Marik." said Kaiba, not bothering to hide the fact that he disapproved of Marik's little "break".
"Good, good..."
However, it seemed that telling Marik to get his lazy butt to the training field, like everyone else, wasn't the only thing the young CEO wanted to do. "You know, Marik, it would really help the team out if you were to... well... you know..."
"Summon him?" asked Marik, clearly afraid to even think about the option.
"I remember what happened in Battle City. A power like that would help our cause immensely! It would be our secret weapon, someone fueled by the censoring power of 4kids! No machine guns could possibly defeat it! And it would just be this once, just this once, and you can go back to normal!" said Kaiba, trying to persuade him.
"Normal?" said Marik, now turning fully to face the CEO. "There's no normal! I don't even know what normal is anymore! Everyday I live with a beast raging inside of me!" he continued, grabbing Seto's coat.
"Fanfic material aside, all you need to do is set him free, and once you have him under control..."
"Control?" interrupted Marik once more, turning away form Kaiba. "There's no control! There's only anarchy, chaos, and the world writhing in pain!" he said, grabbing the curtains in the room.
"But, if you would only try!"
"Try? There is no try! There is only the darkness!" Marik replied, grabbing onto Seto's coat once more for emphasis. This only served to irritate him.
"Give in, Marik, for me, and the team, and for me!"
Marik looked at him with a confused look on his face.
"Okay fine, if not for us, then do it for Bakura!"
For a second, it looked like Marik would reconsider, but then he looked the other way. "I left the madness behind me a long time ago." he said, turning away dramatically. "You'll find none of it left here!"
Kaiba realized he was wasting his time waiting for Marik to go along with his plan, so he turned, and left. Half way, however, he left some parting words.
"Sometimes, we all need to give in to the madness..."
With that, he left. As he was going down the corridor, to see how the training was doing, he heard Mokuba call him.
"Big brother!"
"What is it, Mokuba?"
"It's the package you wanted, Seto! It finally arrived!"
Kaiba's eyes shone when he heard the news. "Excellent! Let's go see it!"
_x_
It was a new day in Molossia. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and the day was problem free for the president. Or, at least, so it seemed... After turning down Kaiba's offer, he went back to preparing the script for the new Naruto Abridged Spoof Series episode, and was currently talking with a few of his friends online about some cameos, when he suddenly heard some commotion outside.
"Hum, guys, I'll be right back..."
He then walked towards his kitchen, and looked out the window. Startled by what he saw, he took a step back. Outside, just visible on the horizon, were the same people that had attacked him the previous day, only this time they were suited up, armed, and ready for combat.
Everyone was in a line, awaiting their orders to commence the assault. Yugi was holding his sword with one hand, balancing it on his shoulders, Tea was armed with a megaphone (Kaiba still couldn't understand why she had picked that has a weapon of all things, but didn't care all that much either), Duke was aiming his bazooka, Joey was proudly displaying his two machine guns, and next to him stood Mai and Bakura, who where aiming their new guns, Weevil was standing next to Rex, who was in full costume, sword in hand. Yami was off to the side, looking more annoyed than anything else, and Marik was next to Bakura, holding his gun sideways. Lastly, Kaiba appeared in front of his troops, and the first thing they noticed was that he wasn't wearing his trademark white coat. He was now wearing a different coat, similar to his, but slightly armored. He was also wearing black gloves, bladed shoulder and elbow pads, a red shirt, and black pants and shoes. But, what stood out the most was the helmet he was wearing, that was shaped like the head of the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Upon seeing it, Joey and Yami immediately doubled over in laughter while everyone else was way to confused to react further.
Kaiba turned to them, and asked them what they thought was so funny.
"It's your outfit, Kaiba! We're here to battle, not to go to a costume party!" said Yami, while Joey just continued laughing. "And seriously, another Blue Eyes related possession? Was the jet not enough, and you needed another ego boost?"
"Wheeler, if you don't shut up in the next five seconds, you're gonna be wearing a dog suit through the entire invasion!" said Kaiba, which caused Joey to immediately stop. "Besides, my ego is well under control!"
"I'd hate to see out of control..." said Yami, mostly to himself.
_x_
Inside the house, the president went back to his computer.
"Guys, I think we'll have to finish this later... there's some business I have to care of right now." And with that, he said goodbye to his friends and grabbed his iPhone as he left to face the threat that awaited him outside.
_x_
On the outside, Kaiba turned to his troops.
"Alright, people, this is the moment you've been waiting for! Bravery will be rewarded, destinies will be revealed, and the honor of a new nation will be born. A nation I shall declare Kaibaland!"
"Oh yeah, your ego is well under control..." muttered Yami. However, this time, Kaiba heard him.
"Well, if you have a better name, believe me, I'd love to hear it!"
"Kickassia!" Joey blurted out, firing his machine guns into the air, and everyone cheered, and let out war cries. Already regretting his decision, and feeling Yami's smirk behind him, turned to face the troops once more.
"Fine, it'll be called Kickassia now!" he took a deep breath, as they approved of the new name, turned to Yugi, and continued. "Shrimp, sound the signal to sound the charge!"
"First of all, I have a name! Second, your brother is standing right there looking at you, why don't you send him the signal yourself?" asked Yugi.
Kaiba smirked, walked over to Yugi, and smacked him atop the head. "Just do it!"
Angry, but not wanting to fight him, Yugi gave a signal to Mokuba, who played a charge music, and retreated back to the hotel room.
Kaiba then turned around to face the president's home once more. " For all of Kickassia... CHARGE!"
Everyone then began running towards the president's house, still shouting war cries. Joey was especially enthusiastic about the whole thing, as he kept firing his two machine guns towards the shy, making Kaiba regret the decision to even let him near the two firearms.
Inside his house, the president activated an app on his iPhone, which allowed him drop bombs onto the battlefield. Suddenly, bombs began to rain all around Kaiba's army, taking them by surprise.
"Take cover!"
"Don't fall back now! Continue the attack!" yelled Kaiba, continuing to run towards the house.
Most of the army managed to avoid the bombs just fine, although with a few injuries; a couple of them got a few bruises and scraps from running in the desert, others from the blast of the bombs, but nothing that would stop the invasion. That is, until a stray bomb fell near Mai, making her fall back. Joey was the first one to arrive to her rescue.
"MAI!" he yelled, as he put his machine guns down and got on his knees. "NO! MAI! You were so young and big breasted! Damn you Molossia, damn you to hell!" Joey screamed, throwing hid fist into the air. Mai, however, seemed to be fine, aside from a few cuts, but Joey didn't seem to notice.
"Oh God, Mail! You're dead. No! You want me to tell you about Disneyland?" Mai continued to protest, saying that he was overreacting, but Joey continued either way. "There's cotton candy on the trees! You can just climb up and get one if you want!" he said, hugging Mai, who replied in a muffled voice that he was an idiot.
Meanwhile, the battle raged on in the background, with shots from several guns and war cries being heard. Yami sighed, and decided to try to at least use his weapon, no matter how useless it seemed, but between all the running and tripping over random bushes in his way, part of his "ammo" got stuck on his throat. Trying to cough to get rid of it, he threw the peashooter to the ground, and decided to just run towards the house, avoiding any bombs that happened to fall on his path.
The president decided it was time to take matters into his own hands, and stepped outside to face the invaders personally. He walked over to a cannon, and set the fuse ablaze with a match. The cannon fired a cannonball at Marik, Yami and Yugi, who all dodged it just in time. The president then fired another shot, this time aimed at Bandit Keith, who hid behind some rocks. The cannonball exploded when it hit the rocks, and Bandit Keith reappeared from his hiding spot, grinning.
"You'll have to do more than that to kill an American like me!" he said, continuing his charge.
Rex and Weevil also narrowly escaped a few bombs themselves, though it was mostly because they couldn't keep running straight over all the laughing they had been doing up until that point.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a lone blonde figure with a white coat jumped up, and began running towards the president's house, with his own version of a battle cry.
"CARD GAMES ON MOTOR-"
However, before he could finish, a bomb fell and barely missed him, hitting the ground a few feet away. Startled, the new "warrior" turned away and ran, shouting something about how people just didn't appreciate the meme anymore.
Kaiba looked back. "Who was that?"
"I have no idea..." said Yami, sounding pretty pissed over the poor weapon he was given, and not really wanting to talk to Kaiba at that moment either way. Kaiba shrugged, and both continued their way towards the house.
The president launched another bomb, this time aimed at Tristan, who stood his ground and smirked. Adjusting the bat on his hands, he aimed for the bomb headed his way.
"MY VOICE GIVES ME SUPER STRENGTH!" he shouted, swinging the bat as hard as he could when the bomb was within range, and launching it back to the president, who very narrowly escaped, and decided that the best course of action at that moment was to seek shelter on his house.
After several more minutes, Kaiba's troops got to their destination, but encountered an obstacle.
"Fence!" screamed Joey, and began shooting at it. "It's no use, the bullets are just going through the holes!"
Kaiba looked behind him and clicked a button on the collar of his coat. "Bring the secret weapon."
Suddenly, two Kaiba corp suits appeared, carrying a ladder, which they dropped on the fence, and it fell to the other side. Almost facepalming, Kaiba just glared at his two guards, who cowered and got a footstool, that proved to be just what they needed to climb over the fence. Once everyone was on the other side, they rushed to the house.
"Quickly, through the Molossia railroad!" commanded Kaiba, and everyone passed by a small railroad track. The last person was Tristan, who, in the middle of the confusion, tripped on the station. A whistle was heard, and when he looked up, he saw the small train heading towards him, and screamed.
Yugi looked behind him and, annoyed, picked Tristan up by his collar and gave him an annoyed look. "It's just a toy train..."
Yugi shook his head and continued after everyone else, with Tristan behind him, still looking scared.
Everyone rushed inside the house, only to find that the president wasn't there, but instead of him, there was a figure wearing a orange and blue jumpsuit, with blonde spiky hair, and markings on his face resembling whiskers.
"Who the hell are you guys?" he asked, in a raspy voice.
"It doesn't matter who we are, all you need to know is that we are here to take this land from you." said Kaiba.
"What are you talking about? I'm not the president."
Yami frowned. "What do you mean, it's so obviously you! It's gonna take more than a new suit and a new voice to fool us!"
"No, you must have me mistaken for him, but it's ok, it happens all the time, my name is Naruto."
"You're kidding..."
Kaiba agreed with Yami, but decided to play the game either way. "Ok, then, where's the "president"?"
"Oh, he's gone, flew right out the door..."
"So... does that mean we won?" asked Mai.
"It would appear so, yes."
Everyone started to shout from joy that the invasion had been a success. "Naruto", on the other hand, just calmly walked away, muttering something about smoking. Joey walked all over the house, shouting victory, and from one of the president's rooms, the one where he had been working, a few uninterested agreements could be heard.
Over on the kitchen, Kaiba turned to face his troops. "This is indeed a great day. We have created a new nation! And there will be government, rules and a new democracy to live by! And I will be your president, the friendship girl will be your vice president, and the rest we will figure out another time!"
"Another time!" shouted Mokuba.
"Where the frigg did you come from?" asked Marik.
"I got here a few minutes ago, the front door was wide open..."
"WHAT?"
"Shut up, Mokuba. As my first order as your president, I shall build a table, a round table, so that everyone can look each other in the eye."
"That's a good idea, it's like everyone's equal..." said Tea.
"Yes, and I'll shall be elevated above you, in a rocket chair shaped like a Blue eyes White Dragon, so that I can look down on all of you and see just how equal we all are!" Kaiba said, smirking.
"Show of hands, who's surprised..." muttered Yami. Everyone else either groaned, or agreed with Yami's statement.
"Make yourselves at home, everyone, for we have created the greatest nation ever known... KICKASSIA!"
Everyone cheered, and prepared for the next couple of days that would be far, far from any expectations any of them had when entering the invasion...
And there's the second chapter. Sorry it took so long to make, but certain parts were a real pain for me to figure out if I wanted to keep them or not.
Before anyone who saw the original movie asks, yes, there was a scene where the President and the army fight for a bit, but I just didn't really know how to translate that to this fic.
I thought about putting Bakura fighting with a lightsaber, like he did in episode 46 of the Abridged series, but the real problem was how to translate LittleKuriboh with a katana teleporting all over the place...
I might use that idea later, but for now it was just something I couldn't use.