"Let's go get some breakfast," Steve said patienly, opening the main door and following Danny downstairs.
Laura was milling about in the kitchen preparing food and Danny hovered as Steve stepped in, asking if she needed help. She handed him a knife and loaf of bread and while Steve busied himself slicing, Danny slipped away from the scene. He wandered along the hall, trying to remember the rooms as Al had shown them about the night before. The living room was spacious, mismatched furniture looking comfortable and homey. A world away from the more pristine living he'd been used to with Victor. There was a den, filled with a large lumpy sofa, cushions, blankets, old boxes of board games and stacks of books littering the shelves.
Turning away he started a little, finding Al watching him from accross the room.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," Al said, lifting a hand.
"You think I'd left, ran away?" Danny accused, irritated at being watched. He was surprised at himself, he'd gotten so used to being watched constantly with cameras and having guards watching over him it shouldn't bother him like it did.
"No, I know you wouldn't," Al smiled gently. "This place is pretty secure."
"You realise that's a fire hazard," Danny pointed out sarcastically. Al gave a broad grin and gave a laugh.
"Yes, we know that," Al nodded as he laughed. "There are precautions in place for that scenario. How did you sleep?"
"Well enough," Danny shrugged.
"And are you eating this morning?" Al questioned, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.
"Guess so," Danny replied, putting his hand in his pockets.
"Good," Al smiled, "Then perhaps after breakfast we could talk properly?"
"You mean you get to ask me a bunch of questions and try and convince me why being held as a prisoner here is good for me," Danny said, crossing the room to leave.
"Victor managed to convince you of the same thing not so long ago," Al pointed out to him as he neared. He held Danny's gaze for a long pause. "Only difference is here, we don't force or coerce, we just talk."
Danny didn't reply, brushing past him and walking back to the kitchen where Laura was piling bacon onto a plate. Al followed him in and Danny instinctively moved away towards Steve. Al unnerved him and he would prefer not to be around the man. Steve turned to him, giving a smile and handing him plates to put on the table.
They all sat together and Danny was silent again as the others spoke about things he didn't really understand. He frowned listening, realising it was stories of events that had been happening that he had no idea about. He picked up his cup, taking a sip and setting it down with a grimace.
"Everything okay Danny?" Laura asked, she was sat opposite him and he realised she was watching him intently.
"Been a while since I drank coffee," Danny replied, frowning at his cup. "I'll just have water."
Laura smiled, pouring him a glass from the jug on the table and setting it before him. Danny bit into his bacon and paused again, realising the last time he'd eaten bacon was when Victor had fed him only the day before. Now Victor was dead and Danny felt a sickness in his stomach at the idea. In all the commotion that had happened in the last twenty four hours or so, so much had changed. He felt dizzy and leaned over the table, head in his hand. He thought back to the day before, kneeling by Victor, everything so calm and peaceful.
Now he couldn't think straight.
"Danny?" Steve asked, turning to him, hand on his shoulder in concern.
Danny shook his head, sitting up and standing quickly.
"I just, I just need a minute," Danny muttered, leaving the table and striding accross the room.
"Danny, wait," Steve said and he could hear them all talking behind him.
All talking, noise, chatter, he needed some peace. Needed to be alone. Why couldn't they leave him alone? He kept moving, quickly, up the stairs to his room, the door was ajar and he went in, slamming it closed and looked around, head thrumming like he was getting a headache. He put his hands to his face and breathed slowly, think, think, he needed to be quiet and calm. He knew what to do and moving to the middle of the room, he got to his knees quickly, hands on his thighs, swallowing down and settling his breathing as he closed his eyes.
He just needed everything to stop. For a moment it did, everything quiet and peaceful. Then footsteps on the landing stopping by his door, some scuffling then the door was opened.
More silence.
"Danny," Al said quietly. Danny squeezed his eyes closed, hoping for the peace to come back that he'd momentarily had. Al crouched close, hands on his arms. "Danny what are you doing?"
"I just need to be still, just need to be quiet," Danny whispered back under his breath.
"Okay," Al said softly. "Okay you need time to yourself yes?"
"Yeah," Danny nodded.
"Okay, well, why don't you do that sitting by the window hmm?" Al suggested. "It's more comfortable there. Nice big easy chair, a beautiful view. I can bring you up a book to read if you like, you like reading, Steve told me."
"I'm fine here," Danny replied with a shake of his head.
"It's a wood floor and you've got a bad knee," Al said, pulling at him gently. "Steve told me that too. Come on, stand up and come over to the chair with me. You can have all the time you need, but not like this Danny. You don't need to be here like this."
Danny opened his eyes, shoulders slumped as Al looked at him with gentle eyes. Danny realised Al understood him, understood he needed time and reluctantly got to his feet, going to the chair as Al guided him.
"There, that's better," Al said as he sat, sinking into the softness. "I'll go get some books. I'm going to leave the door open and Steve's going to be right outside if you need someone. We'll talk later okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Danny nodded, not really paying him attention, curling up into the chair and leaning his head back, closing his eyes.
He sat for a long time alone, memories of Victor chasing through his mind. Their first time together, the way Victor had lain claim to him, not once but twice that first time. Victor's passion, his anger, his touch and the frustrations of feeling abandoned when Victor had left him for long periods. The surprise when Steve had burst through his door.
Danny jerked up in his chair, sitting up and realizing he'd fallen asleep. He looked about, books were now on the table beside him along with a glass of water and a plate of cookies. Looking around, the room was empty but out beyond the door in the hall, Steve sat on the floor, reading as he leaned back against the rail, cushion behind him. Danny reached out and picked up the glass, taking a long drink before setting it down.
He looked outside, it was a cloudless day and the sun was high in the sky. He wondered how long he'd been alone, shifting in his seat. He heard rustling behind him and looked to see Steve standing and walking in slowly, seeing him awake.
"How you feeling?" Steve asked cautiously.
"Fine I guess," Danny shrugged, stretching out before he stood up. He picked up a cookie off the plate, taking a bite and chewing, the taste of cinammon hit his senses.
"You want something to eat?" Steve asked him. "You didn't eat much at breakfast."
"Yeah," Danny nodded, the cookie not filling the hunger beginning to develop. His stomach ached for a decent meal. He crossed the room to Steve, pausing by him. "Hey Steve, do you think - do you think I could get a watch?"
Steve looked at him in surprise before his mouth curled into a smile. "Sure Danny, here."
Danny watched as Steve unstrapped his own, holding it out to him. "Have this one for now."
"But what will you use?" Danny asked with a frown.
"If I need the time I'll ask you," Steve grinned. "Here."
He pulled at Danny's hand for him to hold out his wrist and put the watch on him. "There you go. Now let's go raid the pantry."
Laura was true to her word, the cupboards were stocked and Steve sat down at the table, leaving Danny to get his own food. Danny spied various items that he enjoyed, his diet with Victor had been pretty strict and boring in terms of what he'd eaten, especially alone. There had been times with Victor he'd been treated to steak and such like, but it was a rare occasion. Finally he sat down with a generous plate, glancing at Steve who just looked at the mound of food and smiled, pulling the paper over to him.
"Enjoy Danno," Steve laughed as Danny got stuck in.
Laura found them as Danny was finishing up, looking over the mess on the counter. "I see you've been exploring the cupboards," she said with a laugh.
Danny sat back, looking at the mess himself with a downcast face and standing quickly, "Yeah, sorry, I'll clean up."
"Don't worry about it," Laura said, patting him on the arm. "The food is there to be eaten and I need to get you bulked up. Too skinny."
She gave him a small prod in the side, laughing again. "We'll clean up together."
It was quick work and as Laura wiped down the table she gave Steve a smile. "Steve, would you mind taking out the trash? Danny, Al would like to talk to you. He's in the den."
Danny felt a touch of nervousness as she said that and paused by Steve's chair. Steve stood up and put a hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay Danny. He just wants to talk is all," Steve assured him. "Go on. I'll be right here if you need me."
Al was sitting in the den perusing a file when Danny appeared, warily standing in the doorway.
"Hi Danny," Al said, sitting up and waving to the couch for him to sit. "How are you feeling now?"
"Fine I guess," Danny shrugged. "I just had lunch."
Al smiled and nodded his head. "You want to talk about what happened at breakfast?"
"I just needed some time alone," Danny told him as he sat down, close to the edge in case he needed to leave again quickly.
"On your knees?" Al asked as if needing to understand.
"It's what I do," Danny shrugged, not looking at him properly.
"Okay," Al nodded carefully. "Well, I want you to try something while you're here. Any time you need time out, time alone, just tell someone, me, Steve, Laura, just so we know you need space. Then go some place, somewhere comfortable, like by the window in your room, in here, out on the lanai. You choose where you want to go and I want you to be comfortable. So you choose how to be comfortable, sitting, or maybe you want to stand or maybe you want to lie down."
"What if I want to kneel?" Danny asked him, glancing at him for a reaction. Al gave a small inclination of his head, giving a wry smile.
"As long as you make the conscious decision to kneel," Al said to him, "Then kneel. But it has to be your choice Danny. If that means you say it quietly and honestly to yourself out loud, 'I'm choosing to sit, lie down, stand here, kneel' then do it, but I want it to be your decision. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, I get it," Danny nodded in agreement.
Al sat back in his chair and opened up the file he was holding, picking something out. He held it up, a photograph and Danny glanced at it. Even with the distance between them he found the picture familiar. He leaned forward, peering as a jolt of excitement sparked through him. It was a picture of himself and Grace.
"In preparing to have you brought here we wanted you surrounded by familiar things from home," Al informed him. "Steve worked hard putting things together, especially your personal items. We didn't want to bombard you with a lot of visual things, not at first. Over the next week or so, you're going to have a tough time Danny, I need to be honest about that. There'll be times you get angry, upset, you'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll get frustrated. But hopefully, you'll begin to understand what's happened to you and why you're being here is important. For now I'm going to give you this photograph, I have more but I think for now this will suffice."
Danny reached out for the photograph but Al shook his head and sat back with it in his hand.
"First, let's talk about when you were first taken," Al asked again. "What went on? Explain it to me."
"I don't remember," Danny said frustrated, sitting back himself, his eyes on the photograph Al held.
"I'll give you this if you talk about it," Al promised him. "You need to talk about it Danny. Steve has told me what happened to him, but it was different for you. Tell me."
"Why? Why do you want to know?" Danny asked, running a hand over his face.
"I want to understand what happened to you," Al replied. "It will help me help you."
"I told you I don't want help," Danny said with a roll of his eyes.
"Please," Al said gently. "Just tell me what you remember, about the beginning."
Danny sighed heavily and looked over the room to the window, casting his mind back.
"I woke up in my room," he said after a long pause. "I was groggy, they must have drugged me."
"What was the room like?" Al asked him.
Danny shrugged and looked at him. "Four walls, cream coloured. A bed, a table, the lights and the screen. The door was always locked and there were no windows."
"And how long were you kept in there?" Al asked him. "A few days? A week?"
"I don't know," Danny shrugged. "That was my room. For however long we were in the first house before we went to the big place."
"You had no sense of time?" Al asked carefully.
"No, I didn't have a watch, a clock. No window to tell me it was night or day. Victor didn't like me asking about the time, he said it wasn't important." As Danny spoke he rested his fingers on the watch around his wrist. It felt strange but good to wear one again.
"So you don't have any idea how long you were with Victor?" Al continued.
"No," Danny shook his head. "Steve said it was months. It doesn't matter any way."
"It was a little over seven months and it does matter, " Al explained to him. "Tell me about the screen Danny."
"It was set in the wall," Danny told him. "It was how they watched over me."
"Watched over you?" Al asked, wanting him to explain.
"Yeah, to make sure I behaved," Danny explained. "I'm not sure towards the end they were always watching me but at the start they needed too."
"Why?" Al asked.
"Because I didn't behave," Danny pointed out like it was a stupid question. "I had to learn how to behave, for Victor, so he'd be pleased with me."
"And how did they get you to behave? What did you have to do to keep Victor happy with you?"
"I had to stop thinking," Danny said. "Stop moving, thinking, stop all the crazy chaos."
"The 'crazy chaos'?" Al repeated. "What chaos?"
Danny scowled and shook his head. "You don't understand."
"I'm trying too," Al replied gently. "But I can't if you don't explain it to me. Let's not jump too far ahead okay? Why don't you explain to me how they got you to behave. Can you remember how it began?"
"The music," Danny said with a grimace, remembering the steady beat of the music, constantly beating and throbbing, making his head pound. "When I didn't do what I was told, they turned the music on. Sometimes I got myself into trouble, that earned me longer periods with the music. Sometimes I had to beg them to stop it."
"And did they stop it? When you begged?" Al encouraged.
"Sometimes," Danny said in thought. "I guess."
"You guess?" Al repeated with a raised brow.
"Yeah, it all depended on what I'd done wrong, what I was being punished for," Danny shrugged.
Al didn't say anything for a moment or two and Danny shifted in his chair, looking at him warily.
"Tell me about your involvement with Victor at the beginning," Al said gently. "Did you see him often at the start?"
"No," Danny shook his head. "I think I was there a while before he saw me. Before that I'd been put into my routine, I guess so he wouldn't have to train me personally."
"Can you remember the first meeting with Victor?"
Danny thought back, pursing his lips. The memory was vague, it had been a time when he'd resented Victor, hated him even. Before Victor had explained to him why he was making him do things like the kneeling and the being still. Victor had slowly made him understand how much better his life would be just focusing on one person. If he focused on Victor only, then Victor would take care of everything else.
"Yeah I remember," Danny nodded slowly. "I was angry then, at him, with him. With what was happening. Because I didn't understand. Victor helped me understand."
"Are you sure about that?" Al asked him carefully.
"About what?" Danny asked with a frown.
"That you were angry because you didn't understand," Al explained. "Are you sure that was why you were angry? Weren't you angry because you knew, deep down, that what they were doing to you was wrong? That it was something you didn't want but were being forced to endure? The torture, the torment and the fact Victor was holding you prisoner."
Danny didn't reply, looking away and feeling uncomfortable. "Yeah I guess, but that was because I didn't understand. It wasn't like that, not really."
"Victor Hesse captured you, held you against your will, tortured you, forced you to live a certain way but it was all for your own good?" Al said to him gently. "Can you see how difficult that is for me or anyone to understand Danny?"
"You weren't there, you don't know," Danny shook his head at him. "I know what you're trying to do."
"And what is that Danny?" Al asked him.
"You're trying to make me hate him," Danny said, a surge of anger running through him at the idea.
"You used to hate him Danny," Al pointed out. "Victor Hesse was a murderer, he murdered your best friends father and countless others. He was a terrorist, he hurt people, he hurt you. Victor Hesse was an evil man, you know that. The kind of person you'd made a career out of arresting, locking up, protecting the world from."
"I want to go back to my room," Danny said suddenly standing up. "I don't want to talk anymore."
"All right," Al agreed, standing also. "But we will talk later. Think about what I've said Danny. And I want you to think back to the beginning when you were first taken, I want you to remember how you really felt those first times in your room, when they did things to you. Next time we talk, I want you to be honest with me about how you felt then okay?"
Danny didn't reply, turning to leave before Al stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"Here," Al said, holding out the photograph to him. "I told you you could have this remember?"
Danny snatched the photo off him like he were going to withdraw the offer. Al watched him leave the room and Danny headed for the stairs, vaguely aware Steve was following him. In their room Danny crossed to the balcony window, sitting in the easy chair and finally allowing himself to look at the photograph.
Grace's face beamed out to him, the familiar smile, the sparkling wide eyes, her laughter captured in the picture as he held her in his arms. He frowned, trying to remember what her laughter sounded like but he couldn't conjure the sound very well, like the memory of it was stuck somewhere far away in his mind. His heart thumped hard in his chest and his throat hurt as a lump formed, tears welling in his eyes.
Seven months Al had told him. Seven months of hiding his little girl, her memories, his thoughts of her, all locked away inside him because he hadn't wanted Victor to taint them. In all that time, he'd barely spoken of her and towards the end even thought about her. Danny didn't understand why but his stomach ached and he held the photograph so hard in his hands it began to crumple. The crying hit him suddenly, like a blow to the stomach and he bent over, sobbing, feeling a kind of pain he couldn't quite describe, unsure where the grief was emanating from.
He was vaguely aware of a hand on his back, stroking up and down calmly as he cried, tormented with feelings. Guilty for hiding her away, guilty for betraying Victor after all he'd done for him. Victor had said she'd be happy, with Rachel and Stan, a family unit, something he couldn't give her. A memory came back to him, the first time he was brought to Victor, promising himself he wouldn't speak of Grace. Not Grace, not with him, Victor could take everything else away but not her. Why had he done that? Why would he think such a thing? Victor, who was trying to help him, show him another way of living, a simpler way. Why would he need to hide Grace, his memories and thoughts of her away if Victor were so good to him? Why had he felt he needed to protect that part of himself so strongly?
The crying turned to exhaustion and he was aware Steve put an arm around him, getting him to his feet and taking to him to his bed instead. He didn't resist, laying out as Steve took off his boots, tucked his feet under the covers and pulled the sheet over him.
"Get some sleep Danno," Steve told him, propping the picture up by the lamp on the bedside cabinet.
He closed his eyes, Steve's hand on his shoulder, soothing him into sleep.
When he woke up, Steve was on the balcony. Danny padded out to him, photograph in hand, breathing in the fresh air and staring out over the scenery. It was a beautiful spot, there'd been a sudden storm between the hours of his sleeping and everything was damp, the leaves of the trees dripping and humidity on the air.
The rain made everything clean and clear.
"Can we go for a walk?" Danny asked as he stood leaning on the rail. "Been a long time since I went for a walk outside."
"I'll ask Al," Steve said in reply, standing up. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay," Danny replied, turning, holding up the photo. "This is an old one. Did you bring any recent ones? Has she changed much? She must have grown. She's a kid, kids grow quick over months, she must have grown, seven months is a long time."
Steve went to him, concern on his face and resting a hand on his arm. "Slow down Danny. Yeah, she's grown, just a little. But it's been a few months since I saw her now too remember?"
Danny realised he didn't know how long Steve had been with Victor, but it must have been a long time also. He looked at his watch, twisting his mouth as he took in the time. He'd slept for four hours straight. He glanced up at Steve again.
"Victor said she'd be happier with Stan and Rachel," he said to him. "That's her family now. Kids learn to move on. She won't be missing me now."
Steve looked at him in surprise before he lifted his hands, cupping his face with them and holding him steady so he could look him in the eye. "I know Al wants to go through this process slow, but I need you to know something, to understand something Danny. Not a day went by I didn't talk to Grace about you. She always missed you."
"She thinks I'm dead," Danny said, trying to pull away. "They had a service remember, you told me that."
"She knows different now," Steve assured him, not letting go. "As soon as the rescue plan got underway Rachel was informed about what was happening, that you were still alive, Chin is keeping her up to date. She won't have kept the truth from her, she knows how much Grace has missed you all this time. We let her have the service because we needed Hesse to think we'd lost hope of finding you."
"She won't ever understand why it had to be the way it was," Danny sighed. "She'll hate me for choosing him."
"As far as she's concerned, her dad was kidnapped by a bad man and held as his prisoner. That we didn't know until later on," Steve said, pulling back, hands on Danny's shoulders now. "All she'll be thinking and wondering about is when her Danno is coming home to her. That's up to you Danny. You keep saying you don't want to go back. Well there's a little girl waiting for you, been missing you for seven months, been struggling to deal without her dad there for her, thinking you were dead, secretly believing you weren't. She told me that, the night before the rescue plan went into action, I went to see her, to say goodbye, because I didn't know how it would end. She said she didn't believe you were dead, no matter how much people were telling her otherwise. She's a clever kid Danny, got a sense about things. Are you going to dissapoint her by not coming home when we're finished here?"
"What am I supposed to say to her?" Danny said, pulling away sadly.
"The truth," Steve told him, pulling him towards the bedroom so he could lock the door. "You just have to figure out what the truth is for yourself. That's why we're here."