"Did you think about what I said," Al said as Danny looked at the photographs, spreading them out before him. "About when you were first kidnapped? Can you remember much of it?"
Danny picked up a picture of himself, Grace and Steve and sat back. It had been taken by Kono on a day when they'd all gone surfing together. They'd all messed each others hair up from their time in the water and put on goofy faces for the photograph. Danny stared at it for a long time before looking at Al to acknowledge him.
"They didn't ever tell me where I was or who was holding me," Danny informed him. "I think I kind of figured it was Victor but they never said it. I didn't truly know until they took me to see him. But I think it was some time before I saw him."
"Did you ever interact with anyone before Victor?" Al asked with a small nod, encouraging him to continue.
"Just my guards, 'Huggy' and 'Mo'," Danny explained. "They weren't their real names, it was just what I called them. Huggy because he was this real big, heavy set guy you know? And Mo because I just thought of him as a stooge, a goon, get it? We didn't get on."
"Why not?" Al asked, smiling as Danny opened up.
"When I was first taken, I was looking for a way to get out," Danny told him. "So I ended up in a fight with them. At first they kept me locked up, put a belt on me, you know with cuffs? Like the ones used in prisons but without the ankle brackets. Only time they untied my hands was to let me eat or use the bathroom. At first I wasn't allowed to wash either, then just a shower every now and then. I figured it wasn't daily by how much facial hair I had between shaving."
"So did Huggy or Mo ever talk to you or enter into conversation with you?" Al asked him as Danny leaned forward and looked over the photographs again.
"No, I didn't have any conversations with anyone," Danny said with a shake of his head. "Except for the controller, the guy giving me orders from the screen. But mostly that was only if they asked me a question they wanted an answer too."
He lay the picture down he'd been holding and picked up another, this one was of Grace, one he hadn't seen before and she looked a little different. It was obviously recent. He decided to ask Steve later if he knew when it had been taken.
"Danny," Al said to get his attention, leaning on the table with his elbows, hands clasped together in front of him. "Can you understand how they manipulated your environment to make you reliant on them?"
Danny paused and looked up at him, sitting back a little, feeling slightly wary. It was like he understood what Al was saying but he felt defensive about how he'd been living, as if Al was implying something he didn't want to agree with, even if what he was saying made sense.
"It was always going to be difficult at first," Danny said to him. "I struggled and fought it for a long time."
Al looked at him with a gentle knowing expression and gave a small nod. "They created a bubble for you to exist in Danny. A bubble in which only you existed, then Victor. They slowly formed that bubble around you, broke you down enough to convince you that being there was better than living your life. I should know, it happened to me. Oh of course, not the exact circumstances, in my case I was surrounded by hundreds of people all convincing me how they lived was right, how I used to live was wrong. That I'd been dissillusioned by society. I lived in a bubble, to the point I was convinced that if I left, if I allowed myself to be drawn away, that bad things would happen to me. It was their way or no way. I know right now things are confusing, that you feel maybe we're accusing you of something or judging you. We aren't, I'm not. I just want you to be you Danny, thinking for yourself and making your own choices. Not how you think Victor would want you to make a choice."
Danny frowned, brow furrowing as he thought back. Seven months. He wondered how long it had been before he'd been taken to Victor. Time had spun into a web and he had no way of knowing just how long he'd been kept in his solitary confinement before Victor appeared. He remembered how much he'd begun to rely on Victor's visits, needing the interaction.
"It got easier when Victor began to see me," Danny said to him. "The struggle then was getting through the times inbetween before I saw him again."
"That's understandable. They kept you alone, you're existence was in a box, on your knees, being told when to eat, when to sleep, when to wash, everything under their supervision. The only person to give you attention was Victor, so his visits would have been precious to you. We need human interaction Danny. The environment you were kept in meant when he allowed you to see him, you became reliant on him, he would have known that. Did it ever become a hard struggle, waiting to see him?"
"Yeah, sometimes," Danny nodded in quiet reply. "One time I got real mad, put up a fight because I was frustrated, I didn't want to comply any more. I got punished pretty bad for that. They tied me up and played the music for a long time. Victor wasn't happy when I saw him next."
He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling he was somehow betraying Victor by being so open and honest. He glanced at Al who was watching him intently and for a long time they were silent.
"Okay I think we've talked enough for now," Al said softly with a smile. "You know Danny if there's anything you want to talk about with me, about your time with Victor, anything at all, you don't have to wait for me to ask questions. I want you to be as open and honest with me as you can."
Danny looked at him and loosened the hold he had around himself. "After we've talked, do you - do you tell Steve anything, about what we talk about?"
Al shook his head quickly. "No. Steve understands what we say together in these - sessions - is private. What you two discuss, what you choose to tell him or talk about is up to you. But I won't disclose anything to anyone Danny, you have my word on that. I would encourage you to talk to him about your experience, you two are friends, very good close friends I know and he only wants to help you."
"I know," Danny nodded, rubbing a finger against one of the pictures before him. "It's just, some of the stuff between me and Victor. I don't want him knowing some stuff. I mean I know he knows, we, you know, slept together, but I don't want him knowing too much about it."
"All right," Al nodded. "I think that's a good decision Danny. But you may want to say as much to Steve or at least try and explain in some way why you feel that way, just so he understands. And I take it that means you have some things you want to talk about, concerning your more intimate relationship with Victor?"
"Maybe," Danny nodded, gathering up with pictures. He couldn't look Al in the eye and Al leaned over, patting his hand.
"Well, remember what I said, come to me if you want to talk," Al assured him. "You don't have to wait for these daily sessions."
"Yeah, thanks," Danny said, pulling away. "Think I'm gonna take these upstairs, be alone for a while."
He stood quickly, photos in hand.
"Okay, see you later Danny," Al said, sitting back in his chair.
"Later," Danny said, making a quick exit. He made his way upstairs, leaving the door open and sitting on his bed, laying the pictures down to look over, picking them up one by one. He wans't sure why he'd brought up his sexual relationship with Victor and felt uncomfortable for broaching the subject. It confused him that he'd felt the need to mention it, even just in passing. But he knew he definitely didn't want Steve knowing any of the details.
He woke with a jolt, it was the middle of the night and he frowned, wondering what had woken him. It hadn't been a dream or a nightmare of his own and he rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes tiredly in confusion. As he lay he heard sounds, heavy breathing and realised it was Steve who had woken him. Sitting up he listened, eyes edjusting a little to the darkness, peering over at Steve's bed. It was Steve who was having the dream or nightmare, troubled in his sleep.
Danny pushed away the sheets, turned on the bedside light with a wince and got up, going over to him. Steve was sheened in sweat, face grimacing, body tense and soft mutterings escaped him through gritted teeth.
"Steve," Danny said, leaning over to him and resting a hand on his arm carefully, trying to wake him. Steve didn't respond to him and he shook him a little harder to wake him. "Steve, wake up."
Steve did wake, eyes flying open in alarm, body jerking in shock and he sprang up, hand gripping around Danny's arm painfully. Danny put a hand on his chest, feeling the other mans heart beating madly under his palm.
"Hey it's okay, you were dreaming," Danny assured him as Steve sucked in harsh breaths. "You're okay."
Steve looked at him with a painful expression, hand sliding up to rest on his cheek and he gave a silent nod before he pulled away, sliding out of the bed and padding over to the bathroom.
"Steve?" Danny asked curiously.
"I'm okay," Steve said hoarsely, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Danny was confused, wondering what had been haunting Steve's dreams to make him sleep as he was. Why he didn't want to talk about it. Danny sat for a long time waiting for him to come out and when he didn't, he felt a small flurry of anger. These last few days all anybody had wanted him doing was talk, it wasn't fair that Steve clamped up about what was troubling him. Danny stood and went to the bathroom door, banging quickly on it with his fist.
"Steve, you okay?" he asked, leaning against the door, trying to listen to what he was doing beyond.
"I'm fine," Steve's muffled reply came back. "Go back to bed."
"Want to talk about it?" Danny asked, waiting, refusing to let it go. He was too awake to go back to sleep now anyway.
Silence. He waited a minute before he rapped on the door again.
"Steve?"
"I said go back to bed Danny," Steve snapped back.
"Not until you tell me what you were dreaming about," Danny said, shaking his head though Steve couldn't see him. "It's shook you up. Talk to me."
Silence again. Danny rolled his eyes and stepped back, hand on the handle, waiting to give Steve a chance but when no reply came he opened the door, pushing it wide. Steve was bent over the sink, tap running from splashing his face with water, drops had caught in his hair. Steve turned the tap off quickly and grabbed a towel, scrubbing it over his face and turning to Danny angrily. Danny was surprised at the anger and stepped back as Steve stepped past him, turning out the bathroom light and heading back to his bed.
"Steve, whats going on?" Danny asked.
"Nothing Danno," Steve growled under his breath. "I'm going back to sleep. Sorry I woke you."
"I'll keep asking until you talk to me," Danny informed him, following him to the bed. He reached out a hand, resting it on Steve's arm and Steve jerked around, pushing him away. Danny was alarmed. Steve was angry with him and he didn't understand why. "It was just a dream Steve."
"No Danny, it's fucking reality," Steve yelled back angrily, pulling him close, hands on his arms, holding him so tight that it hurt. "You put a gun to your head. You pulled the trigger, you fucking son of a bitch. It wasn't a dream Danny, it wasn't even a fucking nightmare. You did it, you fucking did it. If there'd been a bullet left -."
Danny stared up at him, surprised by the vehemence, the anguish. Steve looked at him with wild eyes and he held him like if he let go he'd vanish.
"I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't think there was another way," Danny stuttered out, resting his palms on Steve's chest. His heart still beat hard and fast and Danny realised he'd been frightened by what had happened. "Steve I'm sorry."
"Don't give me sorry," Steve growled, giving him an angry shake. "Promise me, promise me you won't ever do that again, try anything like that again. Promise me Danny."
"I promise," Danny choked out, feeling sick to his stomach as he was reminded he'd tried it already. Had he really been that desperate, that reliant on Victor? It was only a few days ago, yet he felt no compulsion to end it all like that. It sickened him to consider it, that he'd tried.
"Swear on her life Danny," Steve said quietly, eyes searching him, searching for something.
Danny stared up at him, swallowing down hard and giving a small nod, tears forming in his eyes, causing his vision to blur, "I swear, on my daughters life, I promise. I'm sorry."
Steve loosened his grip, pulling him close instead, arm tight around him and Danny cried silently against him. "I keep, I keep dreaming of that moment only every time it happens, no matter what I do to stop you, I can't. And every time there's a bullet in the chamber. Every fucking time Danny."