Maura's hand moved the toy precisely to where she could feel the phantom of Jane's skin on her own. She pushed down hard with Jane's toy on her clit in angry, quick circles, then back and forth. Maura imagined Jane's mouth on her as she came in a sudden surge of waves, imagined Jane's eyes on her as she came.
When it was over, Maura felt disgusted with herself. She had tried many times to make sure she separated negative emotions from sexual emotions, but she realized now that she was learning how to feel pleasure in the pain. It wasn't a BDSM thing in the usual way, but it was like a crush.
The way it hurt to look at Jane, like looking into the sun, but how much she loved it. Sometimes Maura would catch herself trying to memorize the smallest moments between them, and would have to consciously turn her head away. Jane was usually caught up in something else she was talking about anyway, or just dismissed it as typical 'Maura weirdness'.
Jane, Jane, Jane. Maura hated how hard it was to get her off of her mind. She climbed up from her bed and brought out the bag of Jane's things again. The doctor would normally sterilize all sex toys, but for some reason she didn't, instead replacing the vibrator in the bag as if she had never noticed it at all. How embarrassed Jane would be if she had known Maura found it!
Laughing a little to herself, Maura realized she was genuinely smiling at the thought of Jane for the first time a long while. The doctor wasn't angry at Jane anymore, she couldn't be, but she wouldn't just let things go as if nothing had happened. Jane couldn't get away with everything, right?
"Hi" Maura typed into her phone, hesitated, and then pressed 'SEND'.
Jane woke up in fetal position, tears dried on her face. The apartment was dark, and she felt more alone than she had, well, maybe ever. Although she hated the sound of her mom's nagging, Angela could be counted on to make it seem like a crowd was always around. Now, her absence was the only thing nagging Jane. Oh, yeah, and Maura's.
No one was coming. Angela had gone out, had left no note, was now MIA. Resisting the urge to curl even further up and never come back out of the fetal position, Jane made herself rise and go to the bathroom. Her head felt funny, like she was still asleep.
Woozily, Jane looked at her phone, expecting to see something from her mother indicating where she might be. Instead, a message popped up from the last person she was expecting to hear from; Maura.
"Hi". What could Jane say back? It wasn't a question, or an accusation, so she couldn't answer or get defensive. She had expected Maura to attack her more, and didn't truly believe this could be it. Jane's thumb hovered over her phone's keypad as she wondered what to say.