Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars! Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Lucasfilm, and all other rightful and respected owners! Enjoy!
Star Wars: A Drunk Tale
Part 2-The Vodka Strikes Back
Darth Vader stood silent as the Emperor paced back and forth in his…bright pink robes. The Dark Lord had never seen anything like it. The great Darth Sidious ruling over his vast empire in pink? For the millionth time, Darth Vader suppressed a snicker.
"Whoever did this to us will suffer the wrath of the Sith!" the Emperor roared. "Of all the ignorant and stupid acts, this is one of pure idiocy!"
"Agreed," Darth Vader replied.
"Just be glad you didn't suffer the same fate as I," the Emperor sat on his throne with a flourish.
*So dramatic,* mused Darth Vader, careful to hide his thoughts. The Emperor put his face in his hands. After a short period of silence, he spoke again.
"Well don't just stand there Vader, find out what happened," Sidious barked.
"I have tried to remember, my master," Darth Vader responded. "But every time I attempt to remember, the Force pushes me away. I am still too sick from whatever happened last night to use the Force."
"As am I," the Emperor sighed. "Do your suit's biometric scanners show any abnormalities?"
"I will check," Vader pressed a button on his chest plate. A few seconds later, hundreds of statistics popped up on the red screens that covered his eyes. As he scrolled through, Vader found no apparent increases in the numbers; they were the same as the last time he had checked.
"Anything?" the Emperor asked, his head still in his hands.
"Not that I can-wait, here's something," Darth Vader noticed a particularly high number, but when he saw what it represented, he was taken aback.
"Well…what is it?" the Emperor pushed, annoyed by Vader's silence.
"My blood…alcohol level is two times what it should be," Darth Vader said aghast. "M-my master, I can assure you I have no recollection of drinking-
"Please Vader," the Emperor held up a hand. "Not so loudly. I am dealing with a tremendous headache. At least we have found something useful. That would explain everything that is happening."
"But master," Vader persisted. "How did we get drunk? Did someone get us drunk on purpose? What happened while we were drunk?"
"Vader," Sidious snapped. "I don't know. But we will find out, alright? Now stop shouting."
Suddenly the speaker to the room turned on, and Admiral Piett's voice crackled through.
"My lords," the Admiral spoke. "Shall I send up your…friends from last night?"
Darth Vader and the Emperor looked at each other, their eyes narrowing as the Admiral hesitated on the word 'friends'.
"Yes, send them in," the Emperor commanded. Then, in a low whisper, he spoke to Darth Vader, "Get your light saber ready apprentice." Nodding, Darth Vader reached onto his belt and unclipped his lightsaber. For some reason, the lightsaber seemed to weigh a little lighter than usual, but Vader pushed the thought aside as the door to the room opened. Igniting his saber, Darth Vader prepared to fight as…a high heeled foot stepped in? Both Vader and the Emperor watched aghast as three promiscuously dressed women stepped into the room, all three holding expressions of giddy stupidity.
"Hey!" one of them called, her eyes on Vader. "Look who's finally awake!" Frozen in confusion, Darth Vader did not move as two of the women walked rather scandalously over to him while the other slinked over to the Emperor.
As the girls looked at Vader, each batting their eyes at him flirtatiously, the dark lord took in the confusing sight. One of the women had bright blue skin and had long black hair that was pulled back into a loose braid. Her eyes were vivid green along with her lips, and she wore a matching green outfit (or the remnants of an outfit) that wrapped tightly around her body and only covered her breasts and her butt. The other woman had cream colored skin and bright red hair which fell to her shoulders. Fierce blue eyes and high cheekbones made up the woman's face, and she too was wearing clothes that only covered her private areas.
"Wh-who are you?" Vader finally spoke. The women looked at each other and giggled. They both then looked at Vader as though he was a young child that didn't understand something. When Vader didn't say anything, puzzled expressions replaced their goofy smiles for a moment.
"Don't you remember us from last night?" the blue woman spoke, her bright green lips revealing blinding white teeth.
"No, I'm afraid not," Vader replied, glad that one of the women had the ability to speak his language.
"Oh…" the women looked at each other, each cocking an eyebrow.
"Well," the other woman continued. "I'm Daisy. And that's Sapphire. We…spent time with you last night. Well, Sapphire spent time with you last night. I was with…" her voice trailed off as her face turned into a scowl. Vader looked over to the Emperor, who appeared to be conversing with the woman who went over to him. An exasperated sigh from near him caused Vader to snap his head back to see Daisy looking around the room.
"What are you looking for?" Vader called.
"It's not what, but who," Sapphire replied with a sly smile.
"Where is he?" Daisy snapped at Sapphire. "Did that jerk honestly leave me?"
"I wouldn't be surprised," Sapphire responded as she lazily picked at her nails. "He doesn't seem like the very faithful type."
"I thought if he wasn't anywhere else in the palace then he'd be in here!" Daisy rolled her eyes.
"Excuse me ladies, but who are you talking about?" Darth Vader interrupted. Both Daisy and Sapphire just looked at each other, as though they were annoyed that Darth Vader was pretending not to know who they were talking about. Daisy went over to the window and peered out of it, trying to look down at the bustling square below.
"Sapphire," Darth Vader approached the woman. "Both the Emperor and I truly do not remember what happened last night. Who was with us last night?"
"You should remember," Daisy called from her spot from the window. "He is your son."
Thoroughly confused? I wouldn't be surprised, but just bear with me! Oh and I'm not really good at writing slash or any kind of sexy stuff yet, so Daisy and Sapphire (as i'm sure you've figured out what they are) are there more for comedy than for me to actually have them paired with Vader and Luke. Thanks again for reading and any reviews are appreciated!