Disclaimer: I do not own the series or anything that Stephenie Meyer has written.
"Come take a walk with me," The words flowed freely from my lips, like a carefully composed script. I grabbed her hand and strolled down to the forest, not planning to give her a chance to answer. It didn't look like she was going to, anyway.
I didn't take her far. We stood right at the edge where trees began to dominate space. Bella's home was still in plain sight: a precaution to halt her train of thought in case she obtained any absurd ideas. However, knowing Bella, I knew that this wouldn't stop her either way.
My shoulder rested against the bark of an algae covered tree. I focused my gaze on Bella, who seemed to be mentally preparing herself for what was coming next. Did she know?
"Okay, let's talk," she said, almost without fear.
Days of planning, days of rehearsing what was to be discussed abruptly faded away. What was the point? Every second that ticked by only multiplied the amount of pain that would result later, once the mask was off. I allowed myself a deep breath of crisp, clean air to clear my thoughts and force out the three words.
"Bella, we're leaving."
She inhaled, mirroring my previous action. I was not expecting this. Bella's fixed expression turned into one of acceptance, although it was still filled with many unanswered questions.
"Why now? Another year-"
"Bella, it's time," I explained. "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."
Then, her acceptance twisted into confusion. Had I said anything that wasn't clear? What could she have possibly misunderstood?
A few seconds later, Bella slowly stepped back, stunned by agonizing comprehension.
"When you say we-"
"I mean my family and myself." Every syllable was enunciated to prevent further misconceptions. As it turns out, this wasn't necessary. Bella understood every word as if they were branded in her brain.
Her head shook back and forth as if trying to unload a mental burden.
"What are you thinking now?" I wanted to yell. Instead,I waited politely for the information to sink in.
"Okay. I'll come with you." Bella finally decided.
I was expecting this.
"You can't Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me." A hint of hysteria broke through her tone. I would have laughed at her useless endeavor to sound angry. But not today.
"I'm no good for you, Bella." I said, internally fighting to reason with her.
"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." She was fully pleading now. A cloud of despair made its way up my throat, threatening to ruin my facade. Miraculously, my countenance stayed cold and impassive.
"My world is not for you."
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Bella seethed, on the verge of exploding. I held back a cringe as she revisited that infamous birthday party-the night that I struggled to forget. It was also the night when everything snapped into perspective. I can't stay without hurting her; it was a fact that I knew from the beginning but was too much of a fool to acknowledge it.
"You're right." my voice darkened. "It was exactly what was to be expected."
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"
"As long as that was best for you," I pointed out.
"No!" Bella screamed, not fully aware of what she was saying anymore. Her sentences came out in an unstoppable rush, reaching for an argument like a lifeline. "This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!" Bella finished her speech, the final plea ringing through the silent forest. Final, because I knew that my next words would hurt her more than anything that was said. Another wave of oxygen made its way through my nostrils. It was no use. Concern for her own welfare wasn't enough to convince Bella that my leaving was for the best. There was only one other way to break our tie properly. My lips slightly cracked into an unpleasant grimace, and it wasn't just because the air was now faintly saturated with Bella's potent scent. After a moment of staring into empty space and rearranging my features to show the purest sincerity, my eyes fell back upon Bella who was still frozen in her panicked state.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." At first, it seemed as though she was not affected. There were no protests, no tears. Just a frustrating blank stare as the last few seconds replayed in her head. I took advantage of the intense pause to prepare myself in case I have to spell it out for her.
Eventually, she was able to take my implication and form the only conclusion.
"You…don't…want me?" Bella seemed puzzled by her own question, as if measuring the sanity of it.
"No." I answered, swallowing the pain that was forming in my chest.
That's when it happened. The strange brown eyes that had always fascinated me with their depth glazed over and became shallow. Her skin, once radiating with pleasant warmth, dimmed into a dull heat. Bella stared, without seeing, into my eyes finding nothing. The worst part wasn't knowing that I could never see her again. That was painful, but not unbearable. It wasn't speaking the words that drove a stake through her heart. Words could be empty as much as they could be meaningful. Excruciating. But, again, endurable. The worst part was realizing that I had been the one to suck the life-the soul-out of such a selfless and angelic human being. The girl in front of me was not Bella but a hollow shell of the person she used to be. Her voice when she spoke was no longer pleading. It was emotionless, numb…dead.
"Well, that changes things." Bella murmured.
No. There had to be a way to break her out of this spell. Even if it was just something little-something to keep her from completely losing hope. I refused to remember her as the unfeeling being she now was. My glare left Bella's face for the first time in what could have been hours. I decided to leave her with a part of the truth.
"Of course, I'll always love you," I stopped myself before it all came spilling out. "…in a way." I added. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." My head shot back to her. "I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I confessed, wholeheartedly.
To my dismay, the flash of fire that I detected on Bella's expression disintegrated before even she had a chance to register it.
"Don't," she whispered, practically mouthing the words. "Don't do this."
Her tone sparked awareness in me. This sudden burst of intuition was kept carefully concealed behind a hardened mask. I searched under her depthless eyes, seeking for something that I had overlooked before. Finally, it was confirmed. She actually believed that I didn't want her anymore. After the countless times I told Bella that I loved her, in a matter of a few sentences…The raw frustration and anger that I now felt was a refreshing change from the coldness I had to maintain. You wanted this. You wanted this. Yet how could she believe me so quickly? There was nothing I wanted more now than to take back my "No". But it was too late. I made a commitment to myself that I would end this once and for all. It was for the best. Any consequences could be dealt with later.
"You're not good for me, Bella." I muttered, continuing on with the lie. Her full lips parted, but an argument couldn't make its way out. She closed her mouth shut, then tried again.
"If…that's what you want." Bella accepted, in the same tedious tone. The numbness had fully returned.
I nodded yes.
Wrong. I thought. Oh, you could not be more wrong.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I requested, my previous anger resurfacing. This time, I only made a half-hearted attempt to hide it.
"Anything," Bella declared with her last bit of energy.
Outrage melted through my pretense as I pictured this girl in the future: frigid, negligent, making the most horrific decisions just because-she thought-I did not love her. Although her face did not change, Bella's posture suddenly shrank from the new passion in my stare.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I demanded, not holding back. She had to know how serious this was. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Her head went up and down in an absentminded nod.
A hint of relief spread through me, taming the protective beast who might have betrayed my true feelings. Now that I know Bella had made a promise, there was still room to repair my slip.
"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him."
With a neck as limp as a puppet, Bella nodded again.
"I will."
I was not completely satisfied, but there seemed to be no contradiction to her agreement. This allowed me to relax a little.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."
Originally, I thought it would comfort her-knowing that nothing this painful will ever come from me again. I should have known better. Bella almost fell over from her trembling knees, hyperventilating. She took quick breaths, making the most involuntary actions seem difficult. As much as I wanted to take her in my arms and swear that everything will be all right, all I did was give what was meant to be an assuring smile and say, "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?" Bella questioned, in a hoarse voice.
"Well…" I paused a little too long for a smooth answer, "I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted." This was an exaggeration, but it was believable enough. I gave another forced smile, then unwillingly stepped back.
"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." It was disgusting, how casual I sounded.
Bella straightened up, discovering something she hadn't noticed. Before I could ask, she stated in an astonished and even quieter voice, "Alice isn't coming back."
I shook my head, while still keeping an eye on her reaction.
"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."
"Alice is gone?"
"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."
Bella stared into space as if recalling some unknown memory. I knew she had finally come back to earth when she was making an effort to breathe.
"Goodbye, Bella," It was not the smooth farewell that I'd been aiming for, but this conversation had gone long enough.
"Wait!" Her hand reached forward and for a second, I did too. That was, until she started running.
I gently pinned her wrists to her sides and leaned in to touch my lips onto her forehead, letting the scent wash over me for the last time. My eyes closed, naturally. This was the way I used to hold her at night.
"Take care of yourself." Then I ran.
I ran until nothing was left except for the surrounding trees and the soft earth beneath the soles of my feet. I ran until the past was left behind, although I knew it would always manage to catch up and haunt me. Alice had said that there was going to be a new moon tonight. I looked up and was faced with a black, starless sky. Love, life, meaning…over.
Please Review! :)