Oh, how I've missed the boys! So glad to bring them back :) Please enjoy and review!
Kate had been home for 2 days and was missing Rick again. But no in the crazy, weeping-mess-unable-to-sleep way she had been before she had flown to see him. Just regular old heartache.
Her appointment with was in the afternoon, so she went into the Precinct early in the morning to get some work in. She had only been at her desk for a few minutes before Ryan appeared, wheeling his chair over to her and giving her that sweet, concerned look.
"Hey, Becks."
She smiled. Ryan was like the younger brother she never had. "Hey, Ryan."
"So... how are you? You were gone for a few days."
"I had some stuff to work out… I flew to Houston to see Castle, actually."
Ryan was just about to say something when Esposito came over to her desk, holding a paper bag. He dropped the bag on her desk and sat in the chair across from her.
"So, what's up? Lanie mentioned you two taking an early lunch a few days ago."
Kate grinned at the smell of sugar, and opened the bag to take out a donut. Yumm, chocolate glaze. Espo was like the older brother she never had. More blunt and protective, less sweet and gentle. And he was better at sensing her weaknesses.
Ryan grabbed a donut from the bag and chewed on it happily.
"She went to see Castle." He seemed proud of the fact that he knew this little piece of information and Esposito didn't.
Esposito ignored Ryan's smug grin and raised his eyebrows. "Trouble in paradise?"
Kate laughed. "Nope. Just missed him."
Ryan smiled. "That's how it was for me last week when Jenny was at her college roommate's wedding."
Esposito just snorted, made a whip noise, and returned to his desk. Ryan quickly squeezed Kate's hand. "Good to have you back."
She smiled. "Good to be back. But hey, I have to leave at 2 for an hour, okay? I'll be back."
Ryan didn't even question it. "Sounds good. Javi and I have to go question a suspect, want to come?"
Kate nodded and grabbed her coat, standing up. "Let's go."
xxxx
Kate arrived at Dr. Burke's office a few minutes early, so she sat in the waiting room and fidgeted.
"Kate."
She looked up from her lap at the door, where stood. She got up and walked through the door.
"So, Kate, how are you feeling this week?"
Kate bit her lip and leaned forward on the couch. "Not great. I actually had a bit of a mental breakdown last week."
"Oh? Why?"
"I thought," she paused. "I thought I was pregnant, and it scared me. Rick left for his book tour last week, and immediately after he left I got very sad, and I missed him a lot. I was crying a lot. And a day or so later, I realized I might be pregnant."
"Did it scare you because Rick wasn't there with you, or because you don't think you are ready to be a mother?"
She thought about that for a second. "Both, I guess. I mean, it drove me crazy not having him to hold my hand while I broke down and had to take a test and then check with the doctor. But I had my good friend Lanie with me, and she is very supportive."
"But I used to think I wouldn't be a good mother. Not because mine didn't teach me anything, she taught me a lot. I just didn't want to trouble a kid with wondering if I would come home every night. Being a cop can be dangerous, and I admit I've gotten into a few situations that were reckless and could have ended badly."
He studied her. "But that's not all, is it?"
Kate sighed. "No. I'm just afraid that I can't handle it. I've been so up-and-down lately, so unpredictable. I've always been able to take care of myself, and suddenly I'm needy and I dissolve into tears the first night Rick isn't in bed with me. I just want to have a stable environment for a child. Spending so much time with Rick's daughter, Alexis, has shown me that I really do want children. I just want to be a good mother, and I don't know if I can be."
"Kate, it sounds like what you're describing is mild depression. These feeling of being up and down, needy, sensitive - these are all common symptoms of depression. It's not uncommon for people with PTSD to develop some depression while dealing with their issues and coming to terms with their trauma - this is natural. In fact, it's often expected."
Kate looked at him, shocked. "Really?"
He nodded and smiled. "Yes. Don't worry, you're not crazy! The good news is, if you feel it's necessary, I can prescribe you a low dose of an antidepressant. And you and I can continue to work on your PTSD, in addition to the depression."
She smiled and nodded. "Yes, please. That would be great."
"Okay," he said, making a note on the clipboard sitting next to him. "Now, how did Rick react to the news?"
"He was mainly worried about me, and that I had to go through it alone. He made a point to tell me that we don't need to have a family until I'm ready, if I even want one at all. He was sweet and loving, as always."
'That's good. And you do want a family?"
"Yes, I'm almost sure of it now. A few years down the road, when Rick and I are married and ready…"
"So you think that you and Rick will eventually get married?"
Kate smiled at him. "Yes, I do. A year ago, I didn't think it was possible, but we love each other so much and we just work, you know? Everything isn't perfect between us, but it's pretty damn close."
xxxx
When Kate got home, Alexis was in the kitchen, making dinner. She smiled when she saw Kate, and handed her a glass of iced tea over the kitchen counter.
"Thanks, Alexis," Kate said with a smile, sitting on a barstool. "What are you making?"
"Tomato soup and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. A welcome-back-Kate dinner."
Kate laughed. "I was only gone 24 hours!"
"I know. But I wanted to do something fun and special tonight. Thanks for the note, by the way."
"No problem," Kate said, sipping her tea. She had left a note on the counter before she went to work this morning telling Alexis she was back and would be home before 8 pm. "So what else is special about tonight?"
"Well, Gram wanted us to come see her play, in which she plays an old beggar woman with 8 lines, but I told her we were busy and instead set up 'Bridesmaids' on the projector in dad's office with Netflix streaming. After dinner, we can make milkshakes and popcorn and sit on his office couch and laugh our butts off."
Kate smiled. "That sounds pretty perfect." She was in awe of how kind Alexis was, welcoming Kate into her home and hanging out with her. She was almost starting to feel like Alexis's mom, in a way.
Alexis served dinner and asked how Houston was, and Kate told her that it was fun and she had gotten to watch Rick's crazy fans in action – a tiny lie, since she hadn't been anywhere but his hotel room. But she didn't want to complicate things.
"So, getting ready to graduate?," she asked Alexis, tearing off a piece of her sandwich and dunking it in the soup. Alexis nodded vigorously.
"Yes! I'm ready to start experiencing the real world – and live on my own! Not that I don't love living here with you and my dad, " she added hastily.
"It's okay, Alexis. I know your dad may say otherwise, but I think it's good for people your age to move out and start learning how to be independent – and God knows you're more responsible than your father half the time." She winked and Alexis laughed. "But you will always be welcome back here."
"Thanks, Kate," Alexis said. "It does kinds suck that we're becoming so close and then I'm going to have to leave."
"But not for a few months," Kate said, finishing up her soup. She was touched that Alexis thought it would suck to not see her everyday. "For now, we have movie marathons and popcorn!"
Alexis grinned. "I'll do the popcorn, you do the milkshakes?"
Kate nodded. "Deal."
xxxx
The next morning, Kate was sitting in bed in her pajama pants and Rick's red t-shirt, listening to Jack White and watching the rain pour outside the bedroom window. Here comes spring, she thought. Spring always made her think of her mom, who used to sing "Here Comes the Sun" to her every afternoon when they walked home from her elementary school. She would point out all the flowers starting to bloom, and tell Kate that with a little more rain and sunshine, they would be beautiful and colorful.
"Kate?"
Kate looked at the doorway. Alexis was standing there, in scrubs and sneakers, dressed for her internship with Lanie.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Of course, " Kate said, leaning over to press the pause on her iPhone and patting the bed next to her. "What's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you about college," Alexis said, sitting down next to Kate on the bed. "I know last night we talked about me always being welcome back here, and everything. I applied to a few colleges close by, including Columbia, and I'm not sure if I can go anywhere in the state. I want to be able to live my own life independently, like you said, without my dad wanting to hold on. And I know it's because he loves me…." She trailed off. "I just don't know what to do."
Kate put her hand on Alexis's. "Alexis, it's totally natural to go through this. Wanting the right balance in your life, figuring out how to be independent. Choose a school based solely on you, and what you want. And the rest will work itself out."
Alexis smiled, but still looked like something was bothering her. Kate crinkled her nose and made a disgusted face.
"Eww, sorry. That wasn't very good advice. Kind of cliché, actually. "
"No, no, it was good!," Alexis said, smiling at Kate. "I'm just gonna miss this. My dad, you. It's been so nice having you around. You're good for him, and you're pretty great in general."
Kate laughed and leaned over to hug Alexis. "Thanks, Alexis. You're pretty great yourself."
They pulled apart and Alexis moved closer to Kate on the bed, leaning against her shoulder.
"Hey, and if your dad can't let go and it's bordering on stalker, we'll just have our own kid so he has something else to worry about," Kate joked, running her fingers through Alexis long red hair. Alexis smiled and laughed.
"That would actually be pretty cool."
"Yeah, you would be a kick-ass older sister," Kate said, mussing Alexis's hair and sitting up. "Hey, I gotta go to work, sorry. I would like nothing more than to sit here with you all day and chat."
Alexis grinned. "It's okay. I have to get going too, I have to be at the morgue in half an hour."
"Hey, give me fifteen and I'll take you!," Kate said cheerfully. "I just gotta get dressed."
"Perfect!"
xxxx
After Kate dropped Alexis at the morgue, she got a text from Ryan about a lead on 59th and Lex. On her way to meet him, she stopped at the pharmacy near Dr. Burke's office and picked up her prescription. He had suggested she start with half of an antidepressant pill once a day, and she was willing to do anything to get better and be herself again. She buried the bottle deep in her purse, and hit the gas.
When she arrived at the apartment building, Ryan greeted her with a warm smile before telling her who they were about to talk to.
"Mallory Wells, sister of Annabeth Stone, our victim. Mallory may have been the last person to see her sister alive, they had drinks two nights ago at the Harvard Club. Annabeth was found strangled in her bed the next morning. "
Kate nodded. Family was always the hardest to talk to.
"Does she have an alibi?"
"Yes, she left for a red-eye flight to D.C. to visit an old friend a few hours after she saw her sister. Witnesses saw her board the plane at JFK and arrive at Dulles."
"Okay," Kate said. She took a deep breath and opened the building door. Ryan was just a step behind her when his phone rang. He glances at the screen and said, "I gotta take this. I'll be right up."
Kate gave him a thumbs-up and went into the building. Ryan took a few steps away from the door and answered.
"Hey, what's up?..."
xxxx
"So… what do you think?"
"I don't know man, it's a big step. Are you ready?"
"Yes!," Rick said, bouncing off his hotel room bed and take a swig of water from the bottle sitting on his night table.
"Well, I think that if you're ready, she probably is too. You guys are pretty in sync, more than is normal for even the closest of couples."
Rick grinned. "Then I'm gonna do it. Hey speaking of… the thing… how's Jenny?"
"Castle, you're not gonna jinx it."
"I don't care," he insisted. "I'm a superstitious guy."
"Fine," Ryan sighed. "She's great. We've been having a really serious conversation lately about when we want to start trying to have a baby."
"Wow, that's big news. Where do you stand?"
"Honestly? I really want a family, I do. I'm just worried about my job. It would be tough on us, balancing my crazy hours and a pregnancy, and then a baby."
"That is hard. Imagine how Kate felt when she thought she was pregnant." The second it slipped out of his mouth, he realized he made a big mistake. Rick hit his head against his wall, then rubbed his temples.
"Kate thought she was….."
"Ryan, you have to keep that a secret. We didn't even tell Alexis! Only Lanie knows."
"Okay," Ryan said, swallowing, He wasn't the world's best liar. He glanced at the door Kate had gone through about ten minutes ago. "Hey, Castle, I gotta go. Beckett will be wondering where I am. Good luck with everything."
"Thanks, man. I'll buy you a drink at The Old Haunt when I get back from the tour," Castle said with a smile.
Ryan smiled too. "Deal."