Heere we go again...the aftermath of the kiss.
Robbie kissed me.
The words just don't sound like they belong together, yet I can't push them from the very center of my mind. They're sauntering through my head like they own the place. Reaching up, I place a finger to my lips, the electricity still running through them. I feel like there's fire in my veins, I can't hold my limbs still, it's like every nerve ending is ablaze.
Sucking in mouthfuls of air, I try and settle my heart, my heart that's beating a mile a minute to Robbie Shapiro. Leaning against him, I feel his own heart thudding through his chest, like it's trying to outpace my own. He wraps an arm around me, the movement is clunky and he's so tense that it almost feels mechanical in origin.
"Do you know now?" Robbie's voice is low, a rasp filtering through his words. It's a tone I don't ever remember hearing from him before, it sends a shiver up my spine. His gaze never leaves my eyes, like he's expecting an answer to spring forth from them. A smile tugs at my lips, bold though his kiss may have been; he's the same insecure Robbie that he's always been. It's oddly endearing that he's not all misplaced confidence and crooked smiles like anybody else that's kissed me. Robbie just seems more…sincere.
"I do." I nod slowly in response to his question, my breath finally returning to me. I feel a smirk tugging at the edge of my lips, at my response I felt Robbie's chest rise, like he's literally holding his breath. Briefly, I consider withholding my answer, just to see how long he'll hold his breath.
"And?" Robbie asks, his voice cutting through the silence with the tone of a petulant child. Fighting the urge to laugh, I extend an arm, placing it on his shoulder. Robbie's gaze shifts away from my face, zoning in on the place I'm touching. He looks unsure, as if he thinks this may be some sort of trap. The thought that he's not used to any sort of affection crosses my mind and it feels as though a rope has tightened around my heart itself.
"I'll tell you if you can beat me at Mini Golf." I tease, pushing the depressing thought to the back of my mind and tapping him on the shoulder cheekily. By the groan that passes his lips and the pleading look he sends towards the heavens, I don't think golf is his forte. Feeling more confident with this knowledge, I spin around and snake an arm through his, interlocking us at the elbow. As I lead him towards the door, towards our first date, I almost cave and tell him that I want this to be our first date. The look on his face as he holds the door open for us tells me that I don't need to bother. He already knows.
The streetlights line either side of the road, bathing us in a pale yellow light as we move towards the Mini Golf course. The wind is strong enough to push the hair out of my eyes, but not insistent enough to be blinding. To my side, I notice an extra spring in Robbie's step, like he's walking on air. For this brief moment, it feels as though there's nothing at all wrong in our lives.
Beep beep.
"Who's that?" I ask, seeing his eyes darken slightly as they scan over the message on his phone. Suddenly the lightness in Robbie's movements is gone, the levity of the past few moments forgotten, as he moves with the air of somebody encased in granite. Upon hearing my words, Robbie slaps a smile on his lips, trying to hide whatever feelings the message evoked within him.
"Just my Mom. She's picking up an extra shift at the hospital." The words drip of Robbie's lips, fake enthusiasm weighting them down. Feeling a slight ache in my heart again, I pull him closer to my side, letting him know that for once he's not alone, that I'm here. A genuine smile ghosts across Robbie's lips and I feel as though I'm chipping away at the stone weighing him down. I can't contain myself; I lean over and place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Does she ever come home?" I bite down on lip nervously, wondering if talking to him about this is a good idea. I can't help it though, seeing the hurt in his eyes and the pain in his voice, guilt consumed me. I recall all of the times Robbie mentioned his empty home, his lonely life. I wish I had cared enough to comfort him, to be there for him like he's been there for me this weekend.
"Mostly just to drop money for food off. She usually sleeps at work though." Robbie's words are devoid of enthusiasm this time, his act forgotten as they rattle out of his throat and crash into the air with a shudder. Without thinking, I stroke his arm gently. I notice Robbie's lips curl slightly, a weak smile pulling at his lips. It's an improvement over the look of utter despondency that was written in his features only a few short moments ago, but it leaves me wishing I could do more.
"That's so sad..." I reply after wracking my brain for something insightful to tell him. I just couldn't think of anything more to say, as much as I want to tell him he's never going to be alone again, I know it's not true, we're all alone sometimes. As much as I want to tell him that his mother is going to be around more, I know it's not in the cards, a leopard doesn't change it's spots. All I have to offer is my touch, the promise that I'm here now, that I'll only ever be a phone call away, that I'm his.
"I know. But she overcompensates with presents, so I'm ok with it." His words are hollow, the husk of a joke lining the emptiness contained within his eyes. I force a laugh, not wanting to make him feel worse. The laughter comes out horse; it's unconvincing to say the least. I know this as his gaze shifts from the pavement below us and towards me; I can tell from the look on his face that he appreciates the sentiment but not the lie.
"You want some company tonight?" I offer, shifting gears completely. If there's one thing a lonely person wants it's got to be company right? The thought of spending the night in Robbie's bed crosses my mind, as does the thought of sharing it with him. I've never trusted a guy to sleep in the same bed as me, but looking at Robbie right now, I can't shake the idea of sleeping next to him.
"Don't wanna go home yet, huh?" The words leave his lips as they curl into a more genuine smile. I'm bitterly reminded about what awaits me at home, it hadn't crossed my mind until now. Seeing the far away look in my eyes, Robbie waves a long arm in my face, his almost mechanical motions pulling me from my thoughts.
"Not so much." I answer, brushing off the thought of my sister. Peering over at Robbie, trying to gauge his response, I can't see a thing. His expression is blank, eyes shadowed as he is once again staring at the pavement. I wonder what exactly is going on beneath that mop of curly hair right now.
"Also...I kind of uh..." I can't find the words; fumbling through my mind for something appropriate, nothing is forthcoming. Usually I can construct a sentence about anything with a moments notice, but right now, when I need it the most, my motor mouth is nowhere to be found. Taking a deep breath, I desperately rake my body and mind for the words and courage to communicate my feelings to Robbie.
"This is awkward..." I stutter out, using the words as a placeholder to buy myself more time. Still fumbling, I have no idea how to phrase this. Robbie's eyes leave the ground and he's watching me closely, a look of amusement fighting it's way onto his face, despite his efforts not to laugh at me.
"This is me we're talking about, everything I'm involved in has some degree of awkwardness involved." He jokes, the words floating lightly to my ears. It's a pleasant change from the pain that's permeated his voice since his phone went off. It gives me the resolve to just blurt out my thought.
"I had the best sleep last night. You're an excellent pillow" I heave a sigh, feeling a weight leave my chest. It's not exactly a major revelation, but considering we aren't even dating officially, considering that we're just friends, it's something that feels like crossing another line.
"Nice to know I have a back up career if acting doesn't work out." He deadpans, eyes sparkling once more. Reflecting his smile, I lace my fingers through his own once more, feeling at ease. Glancing at Robbie, I feel as though with every moment, I'm chipping away and the stones that drag him down, the stones that leave him in a pit of despair.
"I call dibs." I announce, the words leaving my mouth before my mind has a chance to filter them. My hand which isn't currently clutching Robbie's flies to my mouth, attempting to half the words in vain. It's just a moment too late to stop them though. Sheepishly, I peer over at Robbie who blushes and darting eyes, seems to be quite pleased with my outburst.
His happiness is short lived.
We're 7 holes into the Mini Gold course and honestly, things are going horribly from a competitive point of view. Robbie has yet to sink a ball in less than 8 strokes, and I've won every round so far. He's still in good spirits, but I can see the frustration beginning to show in his eyes as he glares ahead.
"This is not going well..." I comment, balancing on one leg using my club. Robbie twists around, peering over his shoulder at me and pokes his tongue out. I've already sunk my ball for this hole and Robbie's yet to get the ball through the swinging legs of the clown obstacle.
"Yeah, not really." He replies through gritted teeth. I chuckle lightly; Robbie's competitive spirit is not something I'd seen before now. He turns back to the clown and rakes a hand through his thick curls, evidently annoyed at his lack of golfing ability. His lack of ability shos through the swing he takes, it's a cross between Happy Gilmore and a blind person. Not a pretty sight.
"Can I concede the game and keep my dignity?" Robbie asks, shoulders slumping as he turns away from the course, another missed shot in the bag. Biting down on my lip to avoid laughing, I step towards the frustrated boy. Watching him in amusement as his eyebrows dig into his nose, confusion crossing his face at my lack of a verbal response.
"No." I announce, placing a hand on each of Robbie's shoulders and spinning him towards the clown once more. Feeling his shoulders tense, I can sense a lot of resentment in Robbie towards the golf courses clown. As we march towards the starting point, I wonder if any of this resentment towards inanimate objects will carry over to Rex. I've never liked that little wooden dude.
"I will however, show you how the putt." I purr, the words coming out of my throat lower than I had expected, more seductive than I had expected too. Swallowing nervously at this new and unexpected behaviour, I Lean over Robbie shoulder, wrap my arms around his own and place his hands in the correct positions of the club.
"What? Hey what're you?" Robbie splutters, panic evident in his voice. His distress is definitely still amusing, that's one thing that won't change as the rest of our interactions do.
"I'm showing you how to putt." I state, attempting to mimic the authoritative tone of a teacher. His shoulders slump once more, the fight leaving him.
"You're emasculating me." Robbie's words sound more like that of a child than those of the man that took my breath away with a simple kiss earlier in the night. Peering over his shoulder and watching his tantrum with amusement, I don't think I could stand it if Robbie were to suppress this part of his personality, it's just too amusing.
"Oh, I am not." I reply, hand leaving his, only to flutter in front of his line of vision dismissively. I hope my lesson will be enough to transform Robbie into a mean lean mini golfing machine. It's a long shot that he'll win at this point, but keeping him from throwing a club through that laughing clowns face would be a moral victory and a worthy goal.
"It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips." I wriggle slightly behind him, moving his hips against my own. It's a strange feeling to being basically dancing behind a guy, I almost wish Robbie was the better player and I was the one in front. That would make a lot more sense; it's a classic date move. My thoughts quickly shift to being grateful I'm behind Robbie though, he can't see the blush that colors my cheeks. I can't believe I'm using a classic guy's date move on a guy. Oh well I remember with a chuckle, this was never going to be a normal date anyway. Robbie doesn't even know if this is a real date.
"Are you serious?" He asks, evidently not seeing the method to my madness. A soft giggle escapes my lips, I had been skeptical when somebody showed me this as well, but it's worked wonders for my game. It's Mom's secret trick, one that's seen my father on the losing end more often than not.
"This is ridiculous." Robbie reiterates, still looking slightly frustrated. Rolling my eyes at Robbie's lack of faith, I twist his arms slightly once more. He's finally positioned correctly for his shot. Satisfied that Robbie is aiming in the correct direction, I release his hands and take a step back.
"Now, swing!" I instruct at the perfect moment. Watching as Robbie strikes the ball, sending it past the clown and into the hole, I feel a surge of pride. It was still far from a polished shot, but it was an improved effort at least. Silently, I thank my parents for constantly dragging Trina and I to this course every month for the last 6 years.
"It...Worked." Robbie exclaims, shock evident in his words. My lips upturn into a smug grin as he turns to face me, eyebrows still resting high on his forehead. I chuckle lightly, feeling quite pleased with myself.
"Told ya." I state simply, stepping towards Robbie and planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. He almost melts into my lips, the awkwardness of the first time I kissed him at his house no longer an issue. Lips curving into a smile, I have to admit that even though he's lousy competition, there's nobody I'd rather be here with.
All good things must come to an end though.
"Final score is..." I begin to announce, eyes running over our score sheet. It's late by the time we finish our round, darkness blanketing everywhere not under a spotlight. A light mist shimmers through the air, surrounding us as we sit at table outside of the front office. My eyes follow at the fairy lights around the course, I feel like I'm dreaming and a surge of gratitude toward Jade's need of pizza comes over me. We probably may not have ended up here otherwise.
"Yeah?" Robbie asks, breath catching in his lungs, leaning towards him, I have to pinch his cheek. The look of optimism in his eyes is adorable, it's something that I would hate to crush. This turned out to be a massacre, I'm pretty sure it could be considered a war crime to tell him how badly he lost.
"Uh lets call it a draw..." I announce, words rattling out of my mouth as I throw the scorecard into a nearby wastebasket near. His eyes dart over to the crumpled up scorecard and then back to my guilty face. I've never been a good liar, I can hide things sometimes, but I can't lie to save myself.
"That bad?" Robbie's words leave his lips, no trace of the annoyance that had been coursing through him before our little lesson in his tone. He looks genuinely amused. Running my eyes over the peaceful expression on his face, I'm pleased to see that he's not upset anymore.
"That bad." I deadpan, my lips once again pulling into a smile. Watching Robbie chuckle in response, I wonder if I've ever had a better time at this Mini Golf Course. Eyeing Robbie's hand as it slowly creeps closer to my own, I'm certain I've never had a better first date with a nicer guy.
"It was fun though, right? I had a good time. Did you have a good time?" I babble, the realization that Robbie just gave me a dream date throwing me off entirely. Nervously I peer down at my fingers, tapping them together to distract myself from what I imagine would be a look of horror on Robbie's face. He's probably realizing I'm just as big of a basket case as Cat on her worst day. Now that he knows I'm not even close to being perfect he's going to lose interest and…
"Despite the loss of my manhood, I did." Robbie's words pull me out of my shame spiral. The words are soft, wistful almost. I look up at Robbie, a warm smile greeting me as my eyes come to rest on him. He looks like he could walk on clouds right now, I soon find myself mirroring his expression, feeling like I could walk along side him.
"Good." It's an understatement though, I feel ecstatic in all honesty. Impulsively, I sit up and lean over the table, supporting myself with one hand and pulling Robbie closer with the other. Our lips meet and it's just like the last time, it's like fireworks in my stomach, butterflies in my eyes. It's...something so special that it causes me to mess up my clichés. Pulling away from his lips, I'm glad Robbie can't read my thoughts right now; they're not exactly PG.
"We should go golfing more often." The words drift out of Robbie's lips lazily. He looks at me through half lidded eyes, a look of bliss on his face. It's so silly. I can't say that I hate it though, for once I feel special looking into the eyes of a boy that's just kissed me. Robbie's expression is pure happiness, not lust, not anything else. He's just happy.
"Are you sure you can handle the loss of your manhood?" I tease, eyebrows arcing and my lips curving upwards. I can't help but feel inclined to annoy him. Robbie always makes it so much more fun with his cartoonish facial expressions. Expecting to see his face contort into one of mock outrage, I'm surprised when he simply shrugs his shoulders.
"That was gone when I showed you my make up box." Robbie retorts, not looking at all ashamed. His response catches me off guard and I soon find myself laughing along with him. If he keeps kissing me like he has been and making me laugh like this, I don't think he'll ever get rid of me.
"This was a date by the way." I whisper, once I'm eventually able to form a coherent sentence. I attempt to keep the laughter out of my voice so that he'll know I'm serious. Robbie's face immediately sobers and he leans forward slightly. My eyebrows furrow, I'm not sure what to make of his expression. My throat tightens as I see his lips begin to part.
"An abnormal date..." He states, rolling his eyes. Robbie's words sting a little; I thought he would have been a little happier to have that fact confirmed. I feel my stomach clench and my throat tighten, feeling as though all of my hopes for us have been shattered and are falling around me. Robbie's face softens, as though he's just realized how that sounded. Seeing him begin to splutter as though he never for his words to be so sharp, I feel my hopes lift slightly.
"I don't mean it's a bad thing…It's just, I'm...me. You're...you. We're not exactly your normal couple. You're..." Robbie's words slip into the air, eventually clattering toward my ears as something of a coherent sentence. It's meant as an apology, but comes across as a condemnation of himself. I feel my teeth gnash together in annoyance, hating that Robbie puts him down like that. I resolve to find a way to put an end to it someday, Robbie's so much better then he gives himself credit for. I don't mean to, but before I can halt myself, I'm leaning in and pressing my lips to his once again. The tingling feeling pulsing through my heart forces me to realize it's not butterflies in my stomach, it's got to be something bigger, something more impressive. Butterflies don't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now.
"Normal is overrated." I state simply, letting him know that the discussion is over if he's trying to say he doesn't feel good enough for me. It's a silly thought, I can't think of anyone better. Taking Robbie's hand, I lace my fingers through his and pull him to his feet. It's a scene that I'm rapidly becoming more and more familiar with.
I can't wait to get back to Robbie's house.
"So I figure I'll take the couch..." Robbie calls casually from the kitchen, as he places his keys on the hook, I feel my heart sink slightly in my chest. The thought of being placed in a separate room to him feels like a blow to the stomach, it knocks the wind out of me. I know he's just trying to be polite, but I would rather we spend the time together; it's part of the reason I offered to stay over after all. Admittedly, I'm also curious to see what sleeping next to him is like in an actual bed, not a couch.
"No, no it's fine. I'll take the couch" I announce, setting my jaw and glaring at the television. If Robbie wants to play the polite game, I can do that too. I can do it better as well; I've been doing it my whole life. Hearing Robbie's footsteps grow near, my glare softens just a little, it's hard to stay upset with somebody that looks at you like you're the only thing in the world.
"But I insist." The words come easily for Robbie, I guess it's because he sincerely thinks I would prefer having his bed to myself. He plops down onto the couch next to me, limbs bouncing around him slightly as he does so. His attempt as being casual sees the glare leave my face entirely, it was as if each limb had a mind of it's own. I curse myself for not having the courage to just ask him to sleep in the bed with me.
"So do I!" I announce, the words leaving my lips before I can give them a second though. Robbie groans, head falling back against the backrest of the couch. I get the distinct impression that he doesn't want to argue the point. I turn away from the television, fixing Robbie with the most pleading pout I can muster. I have to settle this now, settle it before he does something cute to distract me.
"You can't sleep on the couch." He states, head still lying limp against the couch. He's staring at the roof, purposely avoiding my eyes. I'm sure he knows I'm looking at him, because his gaze is just a little too fixed for somebody who's casually staring at the roof.
"Why not?" I ask defiantly, knowing full well what Robbie's about to say.
"Because you're the guest." The words leave his mouth seconds after the thought drifts to the front of my mind. Despite my determination to win this battle, my lips curve upwards into a smirk, his chivalrous behavior something I was able to predict with ease. It's so cliché, but it's also so much sweeter than him trying to weasel his way into the same bed as me. The realization that I'm playing the part of the male in this relationshippy thing hits me like a train. First I was the one teaching Robbie how to golf, now I'm trying to get him in the same bed as me, albeit in a round about way.
"Didn't stop me last night." I retort, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. At my response, Robbie's head flops down, his gaze leaving the roof and coming to rest on me. Seeing his nostrils flare slightly and hearing the sigh escape from his lips, my smirk widens into a full-blown grin. He's getting frustrated; I have him on the ropes. Oh man, now I'm making boxing references…
"We fell asleep, you didn't choose the couch." I laugh at his words as they pass his lips, logic is always a pain to deal with during an argument, but I'm certain I can manufacture a comeback good enough to get my way eventually.
Or not…
Robbie tucked me into his bed almost an hour ago. Yet here I am, laying awake, body tossing as what feeling like a million thoughts swirl around in my head. The events of the past few days play over and over again. I'm not sure what to make of everything, are Robbie and I dating? He hasn't officially asked me out, but we I told him our date was actually a date. Not only that, but here I am, sleeping in his house. I shift onto my side, feeling my heart lurch painfully. Maybe he doesn't want to actually date me, maybe he's realized I'm just a dork at heart. Eventually unconsciousness claims me and I fall into a fitful slumber, the thought that Robbie's seen past the girl I allow everybody else to see plaguing me as consciousness drifts further and further away.
I jolt upright, a chill reverberating throughout my bones.
The burning sensation in my eyes shocks me awake even further. I glance around the room in a state of panic, unsure of where it is I am exactly. Slowly, the realization sinks in, I'm in Robbie's room.
Robbie.
Not bothering to put on the bathrobe Robbie insisted on giving me, I pull the door to his bedroom open. Stumbling towards the living room, it's all I can do not to stumble and fall. Right now, my limbs feel like strangers.
The flickering of the television shadows Robbie's face. He's sitting on the couch, not looking like he has any intention of going to sleep. Somewhere between the fog of sleep that has yet to lift from my mind, the confusion of waking up in a foreign bed and the distraction of Robbie's lack of clothing, I wonder what the time is exactly. Jarring my from my thoughts, Robbie has caught sight of me and is sitting bolt upright.
"What's wrong?" He asks, eyebrows digging into the bridge of his nose as he skips any pleasantries. A sob hacks through me, leaving me feeling weak. It's just a stupid dream, yet here I am, acting so melodramatic once again. Gingerly, I step towards Robbie, my footsteps silent. Lowering myself to the couch, I peer into Robbie's eyes. For once he's not wearing glasses and I can see his every thought.
"I had a nightmare about T-trina." The words cling to my lips uncertainly, before I force them into the air. Robbie's eyes glaze over and for a second I wonder if he had even heard me. Then I feel it. Two lanky limbs, usually so unsure, but for once they're moving with complete certainty. Robbie pulls me into his embrace and the chill leaves my bones almost instantly, the warm feeling of Robbie's touch replacing it. Without thought, my head drops. As it comes to rest against Robbie's shoulder, my hair blankets him. It feels so right.
"Are you ok? Oh man that's a stupid question of course you aren't. Your dream, what happened? Do you even want to talk about it?" Robbie's words leave his mouth, each flowing into the other without any real rhyme or reason. It's like his brain is attempting to release his every thought at once, to attack every possible problem I might have. It's enough to force a laugh from me, despite the fact that I'm rapidly soaking Robbie's shoulder with my tears.
"She had a pair of scissors, just like in the movie and..." The words come from my throat, each more painful then the last. The images of my dream flicker in front of my eyes and I falter, burying my head into Robbie's shoulder. I feel absolutely pathetic, crying over a dream, not even managing to finish describing the dream, soaking Robbie's shoulder with my tears. I wish I wasn't so freaked out by the whole thing, that I could have finished the sentence. I can't help it though; the look in Trina's eyes on Friday was so hateful, so unhinged, murderous even. My dream doesn't feel as far removed from reality as it should.
"I hate Jade's taste in movies." Robbie states sardonically, attempting to make me laugh again. A weak chuckle escapes my lips and Robbie holds me close for what seems like an age. I'm grateful though, if there's one thing I love about Robbie, it's his sense of humor and his embrace. I pull Robbie tighter, constricting my arms around him and not wanting to let go.
"Will you come back to bed with me?" I ask, lifting my head from his shoulder, lips plumping into a pout as I plead with him to say yes. Robbie shifts slightly, swallowing heavily. I can see the turmoil in his eyes, my throat tightens and my fingers drum against Robbie's back nervously.
"Uh...I don't know, my bed is kind of small." He replies, looking entirely unconvinced with his own argument. I get the distinct impression that Robbie expects me to wake up in the morning and kick him out of bed, before saying he took advantage of me. It's a bizarre conclusion to jump to, but I guess when you've been rejected as much as Robbie, your brain tries to protect you by jumping to the worst possible conclusion before hope can bloom.
"I don't mind." The words come with ease, I'm almost surprised at how self-assured I sound. It's the complete opposite of the whirlwind of emotions swirling around inside of me; I don't think I've ever felt less confident. It's for naught, though. Robbie sees straight through my false bravado and eyes me suspiciously. I bite down on my lip nervously, watching the turmoil continue to mount in Robbie's eyes.
"We'll probably be touching. Because, you know…no room." He finishes lamely, screwing his eyes shut in embarrassment. It's just another flimsy argument that fools neither of us. I get the distinct impression that Robbie and I are just pandering for an audience that isn't there. Sitting up, I screw my eyes shut in mock frustration, mirroring Robbie's expression a few moments ago. Robbie flashes me a nervous smile, like he's not at all sure what I'm about to say.
"We're both wearing shorts and shirts. We're not going to be nude or anything. It's just two people sleeping next to one another." I argue once more, punctuating my words by tugging at the baggy clothes Robbie insisted on lending me to sleep in. Remembering the pleading, almost crazed look on his face as he insisted it could save my life and modesty if a fire was to occur, my lips widen into a smile. He's just the right mixture of crazed, caring and ridiculous.
"Are you sure?" Robbie's tone is completely flat, like he's circling the drain and is about to concede defeat. With all the grace of a falling sledgehammer, his question drops into the air, I can only shake my head slightly. He's so concerned with my comfort and not wanting to violate my personal space, it's the exact opposite of what I would have expected of somebody so starved for attention.
"Positive. It's not like we haven't slept together before anyway. Er, in the same…you know what I mean." I answer, nodding my head and feeling as though I'm about to win round two of this discussion despite how disjointed my reply had been. As close to victory as I am, the last part of my reply slips out awkwardly. I mentally slap myself. I can't believe how much of an idiot I've been acting around Robbie tonight. Robbie's brow drags down at my words, eyes narrowing in confusion once more.
"Falling asleep on my shoulder isn't exactly the same thing." He states, the words as disjointed as my own, as if he's unsure of what the next word will be as he speaks. I roll my eyes, lips curving upward at his bad memory.
"I meant that time in Yerba." I clarify, leaning out of our embrace, wanting a good view of Robbie when he begins to blush and make excuses for why he ended up in the bed all of us girls were sharing in Yerba. To my surprise, he doesn't though.
"I don't know what you mean." Robbie states, arms folding over his chest heavily as he shakes his head. I notice the smirk tugging at the corners of his lips; he's mocking me, making me wait even longer to go to bed.
"You know, when Beck and Andre made you sleep in the bathtub and you tried sleeping in our bed? " I remind him helpfully, not even bothering to disguise the amusement in my voice. If he wants to hold this up, I'm going to make this as painful for him as possible. Robbie peers over at me, a smug expression crossing his features as he opens them once more and fixes me with a casual gaze.
"What happens in Yerba, stays in Yerba Tori" Robbie's words drip with amusement, sending a quiver through my stomach as I chuckle along with him. As we're chuckling merrily, it strikes me just how much better I feel just from being around him. I'm glad that of all the people I could be talking to right now, that it's Robbie.
"Besides, that was different." He adds, catching me off guard as the humor leaves his voice for the most part. I peer into his eyes, looking for some sort of expression of emotion, I find nothing, he's not upset and his features aren't tensed. I'm lost.
"Because you were the scared one?" I take a stab in the dark, unsure of what he's getting at. Robbie's expression changes once again, a soft smile spreading across his face. I'm not sure what to make of it; he had looked so lost for a few seconds. Then it disappeared like nothing happened.
"Well uh no, but...ok lets go then." He announces, blush creeping over his cheeks. I'm about to question Robbie further, then he's on his feet in an instant, pulling me along with him as I maintain a grip on his waist. Cautiously, I release my grip on him and lace my fingers through his, leading him towards his own room. Whatever caused his complete reversal of opinion on going to his bedroom must be major; I'll have to ask him about it later. Right now, I just want to get into his room before he changes his mind. As we reach the doorway, I feel Robbie's feet begin to drag, like he's feeling unsure about this again.
"What's wrong?" I ask, confusion written in my face. I release his hand and nervously scratch and at a chip in my nail polish, wondering what the latest roadblock in us getting to bed could be. Robbie's blush only deepens as he peers down at the floor, attempting to hide his eyes in the shadows.
"I've never had a girl in my bed." He confesses, still staring at the ground. His words sound like those of a child, somebody that's afraid of their first day at school. At his words, I feel my selfish desires melt away, replaced by a more pure concern for Robbie.
"Oh." I state lamely, my brain failing to draw any more meaningful words past my lips. It's a lame response and we stand in his doorway, the awkwardness of our relationship prior to this weekend returning. Then Robbie looks up, quirking his head to the side, like he's about to ask me something.
"I just...what do I do?" The words trail each other cautiously, like they're treading on eggshells. I can't suppress the smile that my lips insist on pulling themselves into, the awkwardness melts away. Slowly, I close the distance between us, knowing that I'll have to take the lead, Robbie's been damaged by too many years of rejection to take the lead. Leaning in, I peck him on the lips, before once again taking hold of his hand with my own.
"This." Without another word, I Shepard him towards the bed, seating him on it. Waving my free hand, I motion for him to roll into position like he would on any other night. Robbie eyes me for a second, his expression one of apprehension. Biting down on my lip, I pull together all the bravado I can and push him onto his back lightly. Robbie shuffles to the other side of the bed, still eying me warily, like he's expecting his to all fall apart at any moment, like he's expecting this to be a cruel joke.
I flash him a re-assuring smile and take my own place on the bed, Robbie's back stiffens noticeably at my presence. Instead of allowing him time to leap off the bed or ask me anything, I take his arm which is closest to me and position it so that it's under my pillow. I then lay my head over it and take hold of his other arm, spinning and draping it over my waist in one fluid motion. Considering my absolute lack of expertise in this area, I feel pretty pleased with myself, no injuries, no escapes and now I'm wrapping his arms. The job of getting Robbie here completed, I shuffle close, our bodies flush against one another. I almost can't believe how perfectly he fits against me, like we're two parts of the same puzzle.
"Uh, Tori." Robbie asks, his voice shaking somewhat. I turn slightly, catching his expression out of the corner of my eye. He looks nervous, but not upset. It's a strange combination, like he wants to be happy, but he's not sure if he's allowed.
"Yeah?" I ask, the word flowing through me lightly, as I feel my eyelids begin to droop. Robbie's words the only thing keeping me from melting into his embrace fully, from falling into a deep slumber.
"This is nice." He states simply, a yawn leaving his mouth shortly afterward. Feeling his warm breath against my neck, I simply shuffle closer to him, my eyes shutting as contentment washes over me.
"Yeah, it is." My words are so light that I wonder if Robbie even heard them. Feeling his grip tighten slightly, like I'm something that he desperately doesn't want to lose, I know that he heard me. As my body begins to shut down, I can't imagine a better end to the day, I feel so safe in Robbie's arms. Inwardly I chuckle, his arms are no bigger than mine, it's so strange that I feel so protected by them. Eventually I begin to drift away, the blanket of sleep descending over me and Robbie.
It's such a shame this day has to end.
Phew, I think that may be the longest chapter I've ever written, hopefully I haven't missed any grammar errors.
It was pretty much pure Rori awkwardness and fluff, so hopefully nobody choked on it or overdosed, something like that would be a terrible way to end the year. :(
There's a shiny little button for reviews beneath this. If you enjoyed this at all, let me know. It was a lotta work lol.