Well here we go. Another update. Also, this may be bordering on an M for language...I dunno. Let me know in a review if it is, I'll change the rating.
I hate Sikowitz right now.
Trudging through my childhood home, I can't help but feel slightly bitter that I'm surrendering an afternoon with Robbie to Jade of all people. To further sour my mood, we still haven't discussed whether or not we're officially dating yet or not. As I flop onto the couch and flick through the channels, I can't help but wonder if he's afraid to officially ask me out. The thought of actually asking him out flashes though my mind before the sound of hammering at the front door derails my train of thought.
"I'm here Vega, hurry up and let me in." Jade's voice rings through the air as the pummeling her fist is giving out front door assaults my ears. Screwing my eyes shut in frustration, I haul my tired limbs into a standing position and head towards the door.
"Now!" She shrieks, causing my ears to ring. I cringe at the sound of her shrill, demanding voice and pull the door open for her. Eyeing the girl in front of me with apprehension, I notice only a look of mild irritation in her eyes. Ordinarily she would be all harsh words and barely controlled rage, as she brushes past me, I guess it's the lack of audience that explains her behavior.
"Wait!" I close the door behind me, eyes narrowing in suspicion as my gaze follows Jade step into my home as if she owns it. Visions of the last time she was here flash before my eyes, expensive things, lots and lots of expensive things being sliced into pieces. It took me almost three months to pay back Mom and Dad. Nuh, uh. Not again.
"Do you have you scissors?" With my words, she whirls around, eyes hardening into their usual glare as my impassive façade gives way to a quivering in my bottom lip.
"No." Jade replies finally, eyebrows rising in her best attempt at innocence. She might be one of the best actresses at Hollywood Arts, but I've been around her enough to know never to trust her, it's a total act.
My eyes must give me away; Jade rolls her eyes and huffs loudly. As her arms stretch outwards and she assumes the position of somebody who is about to be frisked. A question dies on my lips and I feel my cheeks redden as I step towards Jade, towards an uncertain fate. My hands are all quivers and quakes as I do my best to recall what my father did when he searched an ex boyfriend of mine for weapons. As a bead of sweat forms on my brow, I feel more like a teenage boy fumbling through his first contact with a girl though. Jade's soft skin only separated from my hand by a think layer of material and even though she's the one being frisked, I can't help but feel as though Jade has all of the power here.
"Don't be shy." Jade's lips stretch into a vicious smile, her words leaving her lips with an air of menace. Her eyes cloud and somewhere between the malice, there's something else, something worse. Even though I know she's perfectly aware of how uncomfortable I am, it still catches me off guard when her foot shoots out, tangling through mine and sending me tumbling face first into her chest.
"Oops…sorry Vega." She smirks as I scramble to my feet and my eyes flicker around the room. I'm doing anything I can to avoid her eyes, but it feels like no matter where I look, I can't escape her gaze. Glancing sidelong at the complete lack of embarrassment on Jade's face, I feel my cheeks flush an even deeper shade of red. Continuing to fumble around her midriff, my stomach is tying itself into a knot and leaving me feeling slightly queasy. I curse Jade's love of scissors; it's that love which put us in that position.
Finally, after what feels like an age, I pull Jade's scissors out of her belt. Leaping away from her like a bolt of lightening, my eyes widen in triumph at the conclusion of this ordeal. I probably look more crazed then Jade as I take as I take a few chops out of the air as a sign of my victory. It's petty and one step away from poking my tongue out at her, but I can honestly say it doesn't worry me.
"Hurry up. I want to get this finished." Jade instructs, rolling her eyes as annoyance replaces the bemused look on her face. Placing Jade's scissors down on the dining table, I notice Robbie's wallet is still here. Mentally, I remind myself to text him and remind him of this fact. Jade stomps over to our couch before dropping to it like a stone, I get the distinct impression she'd been hoping to do some damage to it with her body since she doesn't have her scissors.
"Uh…ok." I reply, stepping towards her in a daze. Hesitation is threaded through my every movement, only growing as I close in on Jade's position. I feel ridiculous being so intimidated, but as I perch myself at the edge of the couch, lacing my fingers together, I'm careful not to give Jade a reason to fly off the handle. The silence between us is stifling, my throat tightens and I feel the haze of a migraine begin to settle over my brain.
"So, ideas for our scene?" I just blurt it out, leaning forward, eyeing Jade optimistically. She leans backward, resting her head against the backrest of the couch and eyeing me through half lidded eyes. She's studying me, peering through my eyes and searching my mind for anything she can exploit.
"Nope." She replies, arms crossing over her chest. I untangle my own fingers and drum against my legs, attempting unsuccessfully to work the annoyance out of my voice before addressing her again.
"That's helpful." I comment, the words squeezing out between gritted teeth. Jade's laugh is more like a bark; her lips curve upward again as she peers over at me. I bite down on my lower lip, irritation surging within once again.
"Sure is." She mocks me, eyebrows lifting towards the center of her face. I feel my jaw tense, I'm one step away from grinding my teeth at this point. Silence falls over us again. Stealing glances at the girl that seems so close, yet so far away. I can only wonder how Jade and I can see each other every day, share many of the same friends, and yet there's a tension between us. A silence between every statement we make that threatens to overwhelm me.
"Why are you being so difficult?" I whine, the words drifting from my lips and tumbling to the floor pathetically. Jade blinks once, then again, then her eyes widen with interest. It's as though my simple question is one that she could write a thesis on. To give myself an excuse to continue to avoid her gaze, I begin to rummage through my bag, looking for something to write our ideas on. I take longer than necessary, using the time to sift through the bag for any extra courage that might be hidden at the bottom.
"I don't know, why are you dating the nerd?" Jade's words are sharp, cutting through me and making it feel as though she's standing on my throat at the same time. Through the shock of Jade's sudden change in attitude, the question of why that would be such a big deal to her threads through my mind.
"We haven't actually officially…" I state, planning to tell Jade the whole story. Though it's none of her business, the dangerous glint in her eyes tells me that I'd better say something. Her eyebrows are drawn deeply towards her nose and her arms are shaking slightly, like she's a nail bomb of letters ticking down, like she's preparing to destroy me in a hail of her vicious words.
"Not what it looks like." She mutters, her eyes suddenly darting towards the window behind me. Peering at the girl in front of me, I feel anger surge within me, frustration racing through my veins as my hands clench tightly.
"Are you jealous that I'm with Robbie or something?" I demand, my own words taking on a hostile, sharpened quality. They're not as honed as Jade's, nor as effective, but as her gaze returns to me, I catch something I've never seen in her eyes before. Vulnerability. I watch her silently observe me, imagining just what kinds of thoughts are whirling through her head, hoping some of them will escape through her words.
"Like I'm jealous of him." She snorts, as though it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. Any trace of vulnerability leaves her and once again the Jade that I know appears. Biting down on my lip, attempting to stifle my urge to rip her head off I watch as Jade merely observes me once again.
"Then what?" I plead, hoping, praying for her to give me some kind of answer, any kind of answer. Exasperation overwhelms me and I sink into the couch, wishing we could just get our assignment finished. Silence falls over us again; it's the heavy kind that has me wanting to scream until my lungs collapse, anything to escape it.
"I'm jealous that he's with you." She announces casually, just as I feel like the silence is about to suffocate me. Jade's words slice through the air, hitting me with the force of a big rig truck, I actually have to catch myself to avoid falling off the couch. I blink rapidly, attempting to wake myself from this nightmare. Jade's expression remains the same, offering no evidence of the bombshell that just left her mouth in the form of 6 words.
"I…what? Huh?" I splutter, the words trailing from my lips with as much cohesion as if they had been picked from a hat at random. I'm unable to piece together anything more coherent than that. My disjointed words hang in the air and Jade looks away from me, threading her finger through a lock of emerald hair. Most people in this situation would be using that as escape, Jade merely seems bored.
"Seriously…what?" I reiterate, my tongue finally wrapping itself around a few simple words. Jade doesn't return my gaze, though I see her eyes roll. My chest deflates; I can almost feel the exasperation seeping into my very bones, my head rocks back against the couch, the fight leaving me.
"You heard me Vega." It's enough to snap me back to attention, I surge forward, eyes locking onto the girl who's drowning me in words, both said and unsaid. I draw my limbs together, like it's some sort of security, like it's enough to make me buoyant.
"I heard you but it still doesn't make sense…" I mutter, eyebrows digging deeply into my nose, a crease that says confusion coming across my forehead. Jade's cold laughter drifts through the air, I have to suppress the urge to shiver, to move away from her.
"Nothing ever makes sense in Hollywood." She states, like it's supposed to answer all of the questions swimming around my mind. I try and plaster a grin onto my face, but the thoughts of where I am and what's happening drag it just out of reach.
"How poetic." I reply, the words stumbling from my lips and just barely reaching Jade's ears. I had hoped for sharp and biting, but the crack in my voice left something closer to a scared kitten's lament in it's wake. Raking through my mind, stumbling through the fog, I try to find something to bring Jade back to reality, something to remind her that she hates me. Nothing more, nothing less. It's easier that way.
"What about Beck?" I stammer, pulling the words from the deepest corner of my mind, a last ditch effort. He's Beck, I'm Tori, surely for a person that can scarcely stand to be in the same room as me, the choice has to be obvious? To my horror, Jade's expression barely shirts, the ghost of a smile tugging at her lips if anything.
"We have…an understanding." Jade states, her hair blanketing her face as she leans forward, body slithering ever so slightly toward me. I'd flinch, I'd run in terror if I was completely paralyzed in place. The thoughts of what exactly Beck and Jade's understanding could be taking control of my every brain cell.
"Wha-A what?" The words scatter forth of their own free will, I'm hardly even aware they've passed my lips over the sound of my heart thumping away. It's not until Jade's posture stiffens and the straighten up once again that I realize I've spoken.
"An understanding." She reiterates, speaking slowly, drawing out the syllables and breathing heavily into each word. Jade's eyes draw me in, drowning me within their depths, my brain loses complete track of what we're talking about and I hate myself for it.
"Which entails what?" The words come out, just above a whisper and I'm suddenly aware of just how dry my throat is. Jade's eyes darken it my question, the malignant presence just behind her eyes coming forth, if only an inch.
"Like I'm telling you." She snarls, hurling the words at me with renewed venom. I recoil, suddenly feeling unsure of what Jade's intentions could be. At the best of times I have a hard time reading her emotions, right now I may as well be trying to decode an alien language. Then a frown, or at least the distant relative of one falls over Jade's lips, like she feels guilty for reacting so hatefully. Silence falls over us once more and Jade pulls out her phone, her fingers skitter across the screen, sending a message to somebody while I sit in place, too lost to even think of moving.
"So…you like me?" The words slip from my tongue before I can stop them, they slide into Jade's ear before I can halt them, and her gaze hardens again before I can protect myself.
"Not exactly." Jade's response is cold and to the point, she doesn't even look up from her phone to acknowledge my presence. Irritation creeps into me once more, searing my veins and burning away any other emotion, if only for a moment.
"Well what then?" It's not a request. It's a plea. I need something, anything to settle my mind back into a pattern resembling human thought again. Then I look into Jade's eyes and get lost in the shadows of the mascara that frames them.
"I corrupt things, I can't help it, I just do it." Jade's lips curl up, though to call it a smile would be a disservice. There's no hint of happiness behind it, no malice even. She's simply blank. My gaze flicker to the ground, her piercing emerald eyes unnerving me to no end.
"Jade, what does that even mean? What, exactly are you going to corrupt?" I demand, crouching forward, literally on the edge of my seat. She's glaring at me again, throwing accusations at me over things that I'm not even aware that I've done. I look into her cold, angry eyes and wonder if I even want to know the answer to my question anymore.
"Jesus Christ. Are you really and honestly telling me that you don't notice how fucking perfect you are Vega? How charmed your whole stupid existence is?"
Shooting back into my seat, cowering with my spine tightly against the backrest, I wonder what exactly I've pushed her into saying. Jade's eyes blaze with fury as she leans forward and snarls, looking more wild animal than high school girl.
"You get everything, I mean every fucking thing that you could ever possibly want. You got into Hollywood Arts just because fate demanded it. Your sister got sick and you sung a song and got in immediately." I feel my throat tighten as Jade continues her diatribe, words flowing from her easily now, slicing through me as I try to force myself even further into the couch.
"Do you have any idea how many auditions, call backs and tests the rest of us went through? It took me months to even hear back from this fucking school, but you get in after one lousy song? But no, of course you hadn't thought of that. It's not something that's in your little bubble so you don't notice it." Jade's eyes begin to mist over, like she's holding back tears. Her fingers lace through her hair, gripping onto it as though it's the only thing she can hold onto. The torrent of anger finally abates for just a second; Jade's eyes are screwed shut and her lips are pulled into a thin line, like she's trying to recompose herself. I inch forward, caution dictating my every movement.
"I'm…" The word leaves my throat with difficulty, but before I'm able to say another word, Jade growls and slides out of her seat, stomping towards me, she's so close that I can smell the mint on her breath. Seeing the wild look in her eyes, the brief flash of courage that had flickered within me is extinguished and I'm silent once more.
"Look Vega, I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm not a liar. I know you're not. You're too fucking good. You make the rest of us look bad. That's the whole problem." Jade's words sting me as she rears back, pacing in a short line in the space between the couch and the coffee table. Her words are more collected when she speaks again, just as I think that she's go things under control once again, that she isn't going to cry, a sob hacks through the air. That brief calm was was only the eye of the storm.
"You think I fucking like being feared by everything and everyone? I hate it. I fucking hate it, Vega. You wear a black shirt and get angry because some dork with a puppet knocked you over in hallway once and boom, you're labeled. I never wanted to be this; I never wanted to be feared."
"But if I can't be Sweet Sally Peaches and have everyone love me at every moment like you, then at least I'll be remembered. People might fear me, but at least I'm not just another face anymore. At least they can't discard me like I'm nothing anymore." Her words are spoken with the air of a southern belle, shards of her normal voice only appearing in the second before another sob escapes her lips. She forces her lips upwards, a broken smile crossing her lips. Swallowing, I peer into her eyes. Behind the tears, behind her ruined mascara, there's a trace of something malignant. It's dulled as Jade looks toward the ground; it fades away as she takes another deep breath so I ignore it.
"Jade…you're not just another face." I state, slowly rising to my feet, wondering if this is a good idea. I'm tempted to hug her, the memory of when she tried to squeeze me to death dulls that thought though. Cursing my natural instinct to help people, I tentatively reach out, rest an arm on her shoulder, hoping it's enough reassurance.
"I know that." She states suddenly, the worry disappearing from her face, the pain just a memory in her eyes. She appears to be fine, no trace of the emotional breakdown on her face, no trace that she'd just spent the past few moments screaming at me. My tongue flails about uselessly in my mouth, words proving difficult to come by.
"Then why are you freaking out?" I rasp, eventually verbalizing my absolute state of confusion. My eyebrows knit together and I'm completely baffled as Jade's full attention comes to rest on me. Something in the put of my stomach tells me to run, tells me the look in her eyes means nothing but bad things for me.
"To get you to let your guard down." The words slither forth from Jade's lips, infiltrating my very core and sending a shiver up my spine. I can't get a read on here; I know there's nothing good waiting within her eyes for me though. Parting my lips, I need to know more.
"My wha-" And then there's no distance between us, there's no words coming from me, it's just Jade's lips pressed against mine. It's not kissing though, not really anyway. It feels more like Jade's way of marking her territory, like I'm just a piece of property to her. It makes me nauseous how different it is to the way Robbie touches me, my arms shoot out, gripping her shoulders and attempting to pry her away from me.
"Hey Tor-" Robbie's voice slices through me and my arms surge forth with a burst of strength I didn't know I had. In a flash, Jade's on the ground, Robbie's in my line or vision and my heart is pounding against my ribs, feeling as though it's going to tear my apart. Robbie's eyes bounce between Jade and I, his mind attempting to process what he's seeing.
"What the…fuck?" Robbie's words come forth hoarsely, by the time the curse word leaves his lips; I can actually picture his heart being strangled by Jade as I watch on helplessly. There's a trace of anger in his voice, but mostly it sounds as though something is breaking inside of him. A stabbing pain in my own chest, I know exactly what part of him is breaking, the same part of me is drowning in guilt.
"Robbie -" I begin, making a move from the couch and towards him. Before I can speak another word or even move, Robbie motions for me to stop with his hand. He won't even look me in the eyes, only glancing in my general direction before turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him. I stumble uselessly towards the door. Resting my head against it as I clasp my fingers together, like that will hold my heart together and stop it from shattering as Robbie's car tears down the street.
"Sucks to be him." Jade states flatly from behind where I stand. Whirling around, I swallow the sadness goes up in a blaze or rage that scorches though my veins, like my very blood is on for. Jade merely watches me, a flicker of interest in her eyes, like this is a moderately interesting reality show. She just doesn't care that she probably just ruined whatever Robbie and I could have had, what we already had. She just doesn't care.
"Why did you do that?" I shriek, running my hands over my face and pushing strands of hair out of my eyes. My words drip with venom and Jade's eyes widen like saucers and she leans back slightly, like she's actually afraid of me for second.
"I didn't do anything you didn't want me to. I told y-" Jade recovers quickly, falling into her usual casual drawl. I see her words for what they are this time, she's making out that this is my fault, while conveniently forgetting she kissed me. There's a burning behind my eyes, tears brim but I won't let them fall, I won't let Jade see my weakness.
"You liar. I never wanted this…" I mean for the word to be hateful, but the words are like razors as they leave my lips, slicing me to ribbons. I can't even finish the sentence as my arms fall limply to my sides and the reality of what's happened begins to seep into me, rotting me from the inside out. Robbie, the one boy that cared enough to not try and get into my pants is gone. Gone because of a stupid kiss from Jade.
"Vega, I…" Jade's eyes soften as she realizes what she's done, that she's destroyed something more than a simple fling. I don't even know if it's real though, for all I know, this is the greatest moment of her life. This will forever be the moment that I gave up on Jade West.
"It's ruined Jade, just like you wanted. Thanks, you can go now." I mutter, the words slide forth listlessly, leaving me a crumpled mess in their wake. I can't even muster the will to sound upset; I simply stand with my back to the door, before opening for Jade to leave through.
"Look, I know you're mad, but this isn't my fault." Defiance leaps into Jade's voice as she closes the distance between us. Seeing her stride towards me I take another step back, not allowing her to get closer to me. The hurt look in her eye doesn't bother me like it should; I can't bring myself to care about her feelings right now. Mechanically, I pull my phone from my pocket and check it, hoping for something from Robbie, anything to numb the ache in my heart.
"Get out." I mutter, eyes fixed on my phone as I remember trading messages with Robbie during classes we didn't have together this morning. Despair washes over me, at the realization that we may not ever do that again. I feel so lost, so hopeless. For once in my life I can't even begin to look at the silver lining in his situation.
"Vega…" Jade's voice wrenches me from warm memories, pulling me into the coldness of reality. Blinking once, I try to forgive her. Blinking twice I try to at least remain civil. It's useless though; just the sound of her voice is enough to see my hands curl into fists, to see my knuckles bleach white.
"Get the fuck out." I roar, a curse word burning my tongue as I spin around and glare at Jade. There must be something dark within my eyes, because Jade picks up her bag and scrambles towards the door, destruction in her wake. Slamming the door behind her and falling to the floor, I rest my head against the door. My heart lurches painfully in my chest, I can almost feel each jagged edge within me.
Gritting my teeth, I force myself to my feet once more, determination filling me as I swing the front door open and walk into the afternoon sun. Screwing my eyes shut and cursing my sister for being out again, I begin to walk an unfamiliar path, it's a long walk to Robbie's house, but if I don't leave now, I may lose him forever. Suppressing the urge to break down in the middle of the footpath, I tell myself that this is just a misunderstanding, that everything will be alright again. A nagging voice within me tells me that he's been damaged before, this probably broke him one and for all. Lurching to a stand still and taking out my phone, I will my fingers to co-operate and send a message. Shutting the door behind me, I know this isn't going to be an easy road, but it all starts with two words.
"I'm Sorry."
Well there it is, the inevitable moment where everything goes to hell. I know at least one person called the ending to this chapter, so kudos! The rest of you, hopefully this came across alright or surprised you at least a little.
Anyway, leave a review if you would be so kind! Even if you hated it...