He was staring at her mouth, his eyes half-lidded and she caught her breath, feeling that gaze as surely as if he'd touched her. Then a shadow passed across his face, sadness replacing the desire in his eyes, and he looked away from her.
"Duncan, what is it…?" Gwen cocked her head to the side, her lingerie falling to one side. Her hair was mussed slightly, and the peaks of her breasts were visible through the soft silk. He shifts his hips and she slides forward squealing. The supple fabric shifted upwards exposing her pale cream-colored thighs and her breasts are pressing against his chest.
"It's nothing." He shook his head from left to right, trying to rid himself of the repulsive thoughts and focus on the tiny, beautiful woman sitting on his lap.
Her lips met his and she kisses him, softly and sweetly with just a touch of longing.
"Is this how you kissed him?" The question slips out of his mouth as his hands cup her breasts and his face pressed against her collarbone. Instantly her posture is static, the expression on her face harsh, the lines on her face drawn in together and her grey eyes dancing a storm.
Her anger has him memorized, Gwen has never seemed so dangerous or alluring to him.
"Gwen, look…"
"What do you want to know Duncan? What's the answer you want to hear? No it's not the way I kissed him. You two are… Damn it!"
"Gwen I'm sorry I'm sorry I know you're mine now -"
"I'm pregnant." Her face is stone, and she slides off of his lap, wrapping a shawl tightly around her small frame. Duncan collapses on the bed, his eyes open in a state of permanent shock.
"It's snowing outside…" Her voice was muted; she spoke almost as quietly as the snow fell.
Duncan moved then, wrapping his arms around her and placed on hand upon her stomach. If he closes his eyes, he thinks he can feel the swell of her stomach, he thinks he can feel a baby's heartbeat.
"I hope it's mine." He whispers softly against her ear.
The alarm clock rang, once, twice, three times and as if that was their cue, Izzy and Essie ran into their mothers' room and jumped on her bed.
"Mommy it's time to get up!" Izzy's high-pitched timbre was loud enough to wake even the soundest sleeper.
Gwen mock groaned, dramatically cracking one eye open to stare at the bouncing children on her bed.
"If you let Mommy sleep another ten minutes, you can have you're surprise now instead of later." Gwen knew she had the twins' attention as the bouncing on her bed instantly stopped.
"…Where is our surprise Mama?" Essie's soft burr of a voice got under her skin, somehow reminding her of…
I'm not going there today…
Gwen held up her wrist and pretended to check an imaginary watch.
"It should be here in three… two…"
"One!" On cue, Duncan burst in the room, jumping on the bed and tackled Izzy who screamed with delight. They tumbled around, Izzy shrieking with delight and Duncan pretending to run away from her.
"Daddy's home!" Izzy propelled her body towards Duncan, throwing her arms around the giant bear of a man. He wrapped his arms around her; his eye's crinkling with a smile that was hidden by her head of hair.
"Don't I get love from my third pretty girl?" He held out his arms in Essie's direction but her eyes held only suspicion. Essie back away, leaning towards her mother and averted her eyes. Izzy felt the tension from her twin and tried to pull out of Duncan's arm to interrogate her sister.
However, Duncan propelled her over his shoulders as he tickled her mercilessly. The look he gave Essie wasn't lost on Gwen. It was one he had given her it the early days when she still pinned over Alejandro. It only made Essie withdraw into herself even more, she had been afraid of Duncan ever since the amusement park incident.
She pulled her youngest in her lap and whispered
"How about me and you have a girls day? Just me and you and you can tell me all about it sweetheart?" She made three sections in Essie's long, dark auburn hair and made a plait, tying the end with a sparkly, bright pink butterfly pin. Izzy and Duncan let out twin snickers as Essie scrunched up her nose, closing one eye to better evaluate the pink monstrosity in her hair.
"Mom… Really?" Essie blushed as her taciturn voice caused her family to laugh, the roll over, bust a lung kind of laugh. Duncan wiped tears out of his eyes as he checked his watch still suppressing chuckles.
"Sorry Mom, I'm borrowing Izzy for a secret date." Duncan announced as he smiled wolfishly at her. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Gwen's lips. Izzy and Duncan shared a conspirator's smile and then both winked surreptitiously at the other. Duncan grabbed her by the legs and slung her over his shoulders. She grabbed onto his green Mohawk and pulled his eyebrow piercings.
"Damn girl, you're getting almost too heavy to do this." He mock groaned at the weight and then they were off, and only god knew where.
Essie's eyes followed them till they had disappeared out of the bedroom, but didn't say anything until she heard the door slam shut. Her daughter visibly loosened, her posture less rigid and she turned her doe like eyes upon her mother.
One hand touched the butterfly in her hair and her face widened in a warm smile, one that made the edges of her eyes crinkle and her deep-dish dimples visible.
"I love it Mama… Thank you!" She caught her mother off guard by throwing her arms around her neck and Gwen held her rubs her back in small circles.
"I want to cut my hair." Gwen sighed and drew back to look in her daughter's eyes. Essie is fingering her braid and looks so hopeful, so innocent that she cannot refuse her.
She never asks for a thing in the world, and she is always living in the shadow of her twin… Maybe it's my fault she's so introverted…
"You really want to cut this hair?" Gwen asks as she unties the braid, running her fingers over the dark, thick locks of chocolate brown.
"I'm tired of being mistaken for Izzy. We are so different Mama even though we look just alike. I just want to be me."
Gwen doesn't say anything, the child's logic left her feeling stumped and vaguely guilty but there was a sort of swelling pride in her. So, she walks to the kitchen grabbing a tarp and the two pairs of scissors.
By the time the haircut is done, her daughter looks like a tanned Emma Watson. A short, pixie styled cut and a sparkly pink pin anchor the bangs to the right side of her forehead.
To celebrate, Essie requests a trip to the park, which of course means ice cream. They walk out of the house Essie clutching a book to her chest and her mother carrying a sketchpad, pencils and a 20-dollar bill.
The walk is silent, Essie was never the talking type but every minute of so she glances at Gwen's face, partially to make she was still there. Gwen plasters a reassuring smile, and tentatively Essie returns the grin.
"You need to learn to act your age sweetheart. I know things have been hard on you since the amusement park…" Essie winces, and stares at the ground. Her shoulders sag and she mutters at the ground
"The ice cream man is right there… Can I hold you're sketchpad Mama…?" Gwen crouch's down to kiss her on the forehead.
"I love you Esmeralda okay? I know it's scary but…"
"Can you please just get some ice cream…?" Essie is looking away, and Gwen sighs. She has cut herself off from the world and Gwen can only be there when Essie decides to let people back in.
The park is bright and green and Essie tilts her cheek to meet the sun. The line for ice cream is long, all the people are started to give the young girl a headache.
She finds an empty park bench and admires the art throughout her mother sketchbooks. This was always the best part of her day; to see the pencil lines and paint lines and the masterpieces her mom creates.
"I want to be just like mom when I grow up…" if I ever grow up…
Essie swings her legs back and forth, thumbing through each page when a flash of tan skin caught her eye. She flips to the page and there on the page is a watercolour of a man.
A beautiful man, who has the same pale green eyes as her, a similar tan skin, the same dark brown hair that her mother loves so much, he looks very much like her and Izzy.
More than Duncan does.
The truth is clear, very clear in Essie's ten-year-old mind and she runs her finger over the painting. So many questions formulate in her mind and she is smiling uncontrollably.
"I told Izzy I told her Duncan wasn't our real Dad…" In her elation, she ran down the nearest path to try and find her mother, to tell her the good news that she had found their father. She kept running and running but the ice cream man wasn't anywhere in sight.
She stop running and clutched the sketch book to her chest. The blood is pounding in her ears and her arms are shaking, the papers rattle like leaves.
"Mommy! Mommy where are you…" Her voice starts off high pitched and loud but decrescendo's to a whisper. No one notice the child with the pixie hair cut and the sparkly pink pin and the giant sketchpad.
The tears are coming, blurring her vision and her knees shake but then strong arms lift her in and she is encompassed in warmth.
The man from the picture is carrying her murmuring a lullaby in Spanish. His face is exactly like in the picture, and her green eyes meet his green eyes. The man tries to hide his shock, but she's been reading the emotions of others for too long. She holds up the picture of him and touches one cheek softly. He flinches at the contact, but his eyes never leave hers.
"…Daddy…?"