Rachel sat in front of the mirror in her room, staring at her reflection. She watched herself continuously pulling the brush along the length of her hair and then start at the top again and work her way back down. Very rhythmic her motions were, she had lost count of how many times she had brushed this particular part of her hair. Letting out a sigh, she stopped and would lay the brush back on the table top, she then slid her hair behind her ear before smiling half heartedly. She had been mulling over what Mr. Schue had said to her after glee. She had been so eager to share her ideas with him, rarely was she told to come up with a new idea. Well, those hadn't been his exact words as she thought back.
"Mr. Schue, I have some song ideas to go over"
Will had turned back to her, not at all surprised to see that she had been the first with anything.
"That's great Rachel. Let's hear them"
Rachel beamed as she began ranting off her ideas, she could feel Finn move in behind her as she explained her ideas about how Barbara was an iconic figure and why she had made such an impact on Rachel's life and why it was only fitting that she dedicate this weeks song selection to someone who was so significantly inspirational. She had thought that this all sounded very logical, it made absolute sense to her. Apparently Mr. Schue hadn't agreed.
"Rachel, as admiring as you find Barbara Streisand, dedicating this weeks assignment to her really wouldn't portray the lesson I'm trying to get across. The point of this week's lesson is to find inspiration from someone who has already made an impact on your life.. Someone that emotionally touches you and that you've had a connection with.."
She had watched as Will turned and began walking back into his office, leaving her to stand with Finn. She turned to him.
"well, at least we can work together to come up with some ideas, right?"
Finn's face softened into a smile as he felt her hand touch his and he took it.
"of course"
Rachel's beam once again emerged, immediately beginning to name off a schedule for them as they made their way out of the school.
Now she found herself staring into her mirror, she really wish that Mr. Schue had let her do Barbara, that would have made things so much easier. She already had the song picked out and everything. She didn't have much of a choice, she had to think about the people that had come and left throughout her life, people who had made an emotional impact.
Her thoughts ran across Shelby, her mother. The feelings that had been caused by her leaving. Then Jessie ran through her mind, she couldn't help but flinch at that. She was surprised that the hurt he had left behind stung even now. He had broken her heart, and then added salt to the gaping wounds by humiliating her. Yes, there was really plenty of things that needed to be said to one Jessie St. James.
She allowed a gasp to escape as she realized that something else was beginning to hurt. Not having realized that the anger and hurt that thinking about Jessie was causing, she hadn't noticed that her hand had balled into a fist so tight that her knuckles had turned white and her nails had begun digging into her palm. She undid her fist to see two of the marks bleeding, she would sigh.
"well that was smart"
Grabbing a tissue from the box on the desk in front of her she would wipe the blood away. Well at least that answered the question of who she was going to be singing about, she had said everything that she really needed to with Shelby, that door had been shut and it was something that she had been okay with even if it did hurt. There had never been a chance to create closure with Jessie, never a discussion explaining what had happened, why he changed his mind. Why he broke her heart. He had used her, simple as that and left her to deal with the emotions caused after. If it hadn't been for Finn..
Reaching over, she grabbed her lap top and pull it closer to her and pulled the top up, watching as the screen lit up. She hit the little tab titled 'Google' and began doing her research for different songs.