By Chance

You're still here...

===3==

Castiel did have a lot of term papers to check, but he also doesn't have any class tomorrow which means he could do the papers the next day. He just wanted to get away from Dean because he knew Dean wanted him. By the way his eyes fall on him. The way he just stammers with his words whenever he's around. The way he glared at the girls who approach him to flirt with him. The way he seemed to record every word that comes out of his mouth. The way he felt timid around him. Most importantly, the way he just glows whenever he sees him smile. All of these signs point out to one direction—Dean is at the edge of falling for him. Too much for nocommitment and norelationshipwithmen if he lets Dean into his life.

Even though he didn't tell Dean that he doesn't have class tomorrow, he still started checking the term papers. He finished checking them by nine thirty that night. The back of his neck hurts and his shoulders felt like he has been lifting weights for more than the time he normally does. He stretched out a little to loosen up and fixed his stuff so won't have to worry about doing much tomorrow. He went straight to his fridge and found a pizza which he placed in the microwave to warm it up.

Balthazar was supposed to be in his room because he claimed to be feeling a little dizzy when he called. But when he got back, his friend was not found lying in his room. His only thought was that that man must be out picking up girls—or men—from different bars to take to a motel. That has been quite a routine for the man which doesn't really surprise him. It got him furious though that he lied so he won't have to pick him up.

Both men stayed in the same apartment they used to occupy when Michael was still around. Only difference was, instead of Michael being with them, it was now Gabriel. Castiel took over Michael's room, not wanting hi brother to lay a hand on Michael's stuff, while Gabriel took his old one.

He didn't bother to change Michael's room much. All the posters were the same. Some stuff stayed exactly where it was when he was still alive like his guitar in the corner of the room. A few of Castiel's stuff were added but basically, it has the exact same ambience of the room, which was all that mattered anyway.

He finished his dinner and went to his room to get some clothes to change into after taking a shower. Instead of rummaging in his own pile of clothes—which he did a lot—he rummaged through Michael's old clothes. He took out a white short sleeved shirt that had both their initials designed in front and black wings designed at the back. It was a personalized shirt he bought him for their first anniversary. The next thing he took out were Michael's—and Castiel's at the same time—favourite sweatpants because it was what he was wearing the first time they had sex. Castiel simply smiled at the memory and went to the bathroom with the pair of clothes hanging over his shoulder.

He finished showering quickly and dried himself. He got into the sweatpants and pulled the shirt over his head down his body. The clothes were a little too big for him. Michael was a lot bigger than him so it made sense how baggy it looked on him and how perfect it looked on Michael.

He went to bed after putting clothes on and hugged the pillow beside him. He nuzzled his face in it, smelling Michael's scent. It has been his routine to spray Michael's perfume on the pillow after it has been washed from the laundry shop. He found it very relaxing to smell him before he dozes off to sleep. It felt like he was still there, lying next to him. He hugged it tighter and drifted to sleep.

"So Cassy, what'd you get Mikey?" Balthazar asked with a smirk as he took a sip of his drink.

"Why do you always add an –ey to our names Balthazar? It sounds awkward." Michael said with his slightly deep sweet tenor like voice. He was smiling fondly but still doesn't get the point of Balthazar calling them that way.

"Because it sounds cute! Just like the two of you!" he pointed out. Castiel's eyes widened a little and bit his bottom lip. He was flushed and sank down in his place. Michael snorted at Balthazar's comment.

"Yeah, right. Maybe we should start calling you Balthy." He countered with a laugh. Balthazar hummed and became thoughtful for a while.

"Actually, that would sound good." He replied with a smile and a wink.

"I was kidding man! You sound all girly."

"At least I'm honest." He said with a shrug. Michael simply laughed at their conversation. Castiel just smiled and remained quiet. Castiel's lack of speech suddenly caught Michael's attention. He was worried something might be wrong with the love of his life.

"Cas, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, getting Castiel's attention.

"Nothing. Um, my present for you might have to wait a little." He replied sheepishly as he bit his lower lip. His face was cherry red as he looked down the ground. Michael tilted his head to one side in confusion as he eyed him but let it go.

"Cas, you don't even have to give me anything. Just having you is enough." He said and smiled fondly which made the young man turn into a darker shade of red and smile more sheepishly—if that was possible anyway.

"Wow! Chick flick! I am out of here lovebirds." Balthazar interjected. Michael raised his brows at him; Castiel was still distracted. "I have some stupid research paper to do. I'll uh... head to the library for a while." He said as he took his coat. He glanced at Castiel who was giving him a thankful look. He nodded at him as an approval and got out of the apartment. It was strange that neither of the two men realized that the library has been closed for a few hours now.

"So," Michael started, breaking the silence after their friend left, and looked back at Castiel "What's up Cas? You look a little... distracted."

Castiel slowly stood up and went to Michael. He sat on his lap and leaned down, placing his forehead on Michael's. He smiled fondly at him and rested his hand on his shoulders. Michael on the other hand rested his' around Castiel's waist; as if it was the most natural thing to do. Castiel slowly leaned down and kissed him. It started very soft until they both deepened it. Michael opened his mouth to give Castiel access. A few moments passed and both of them had the need to breathe. They were panting as they parted, faces a few centimetres apart. Michael's eyes slowly fluttered open to see a pair of beautiful blue staring at him. He can see pure love in those eyes in which he gratefully returned.

Both of them were smiling and searching something in each other's eyes. Castiel bit his lower lip and kissed him softly one more time. "Bed." He managed to choke out after they parted for the second time. Clearly, Michael was confused. His brows furrowed at what his lover said. All Castiel did was smile smugly. His hands slid down from Michael's shoulders as he leaned a little further from Michael. His hands reached the other man's hands that lay on his waist. Michael followed Castiel's movement with a confused expression as the other man manoeuvred his hands. Castiel manoeuvred the other man's hand and slipped it under his shirt, Michael holding his bare skin. The other man suddenly snapped his attention back to his face. Castiel raised a brow and smiled seductively. Michael smiled widely and slightly—and gently— lifted Castiel up so he can stand up and carry him that way. Castiel wrapped his legs around Michael's hips so he won't fall while his arms wrapped around his neck. He leaned back down to kiss him passionately as the other man carefully stood up, holding him underneath with one hand and the other wrapped around his back.

Michael got to his room with no trouble at all, even though he had his eyes closed and there was a Castiel in his arms, kissing him passionately. He closed the door behind them and fell down on the bed—Castiel underneath him. They shifted a little—lips still together—until both of them were fully on the bed.

Michael pulled away a little, both of them panting hard. "You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah." The other man choked out. "This would be my gift. That's why I'm very thankful Balthazar got the message." He said, smiling sheepishly. Michael simply smiled and went back to what they were doing.

Castiel's hands snaked under Michael's shirt, feeling and exploring his bare chest. Michael removed his shirt to give the other man better access of his body. He did the same with Castiel's shirt and threw it somewhere in the room. One hand slid up and down Castiel's side while the other kept his weight from him.

Castiel wrapped his arms around the other man's neck and pulled him down, sending the message that he preferred better skin to skin contact. Michael understood the message quickly and rested his body over him but still supported some of his weight. Castiel moaned due to the collision of their chests which gained him a smirk from Michael.

The taller man slowly removed his sweatpants—doing his best not to break the battle of their mouths—successfully without anything else underneath, making him fully naked. Slowly, he kissed down Castiel's jaw line and down his neck, earning another soft moan from the man beneath him. He continued kissing him down his chest and abdomen, making the man underneath him moan even more. He reached for the man's jeans and unbuttoned it, making him gasp a little. Castiel helped him carefully remove his jeans and his boxers afterwards. Soon, they were back to business; Michael tracing kisses from Castiel's abdomen, to his chest, his neck, his jaw line and finally back to his mouth. With every touch of Michael's lips on his body, he shuddered and made little noises that thrilled the man on top of him.

Michael was very careful and quite hesitant. He didn't want to surprise Castiel; he didn't want to be asked to stop. He gently bit the crook of Castiel's neck and licked it, leaving a mark, before he moved to his throat and did the same thing. Castiel in return moaned louder and arched his back to press himself to the taller man. He was breathing heavily with pleasure and just had to wonder what's taking Michael so long to get inside him.

Castiel pulled back a little, making the other man worry, as he breathe heavily, "What's wrong?" Michael asked, studying his face.

Castiel's breathing has steadied a little and fluttered his eyes open, eyes glued on Michael's. "Don't hesitate." He choked out in a whisper. Michael smiled fondly at Castiel's words. That was all that he needed, a little push from the one he loves. He kissed him gently as a response. He lowered his hips slowly to gently get inside of the man underneath. Castiel moaned as he felt the pain that was accompanied with pleasure. He held Michael's shoulder tightly that it would cause a bruise the next day. Michael knew the pain it was causing Castiel so he kissed his neck gently and slowly moved back to his lips, taking his attention away from the pain. He continued pushing through gently, not wanting to hurt Castiel and finally made it. He thrust in and out slowly, gaining the sounds he wanted to hear from the man underneath him. He wanted this to be perfect for both him and Castiel.

A few more thrusting later and a little change in position, both men were more than just exhausted but more than just satisfied as well. They simply lay in bed, Michael's arm wrapped protectively around Castiel and Castiel's arms wrapped around Michael's waist. They stayed awake for another hour or two playing with each other's hands and just...touching each other. No sex involved. They had some laughs and fond stares at each other.

Michael was playing with Castiel's hair that has become more unruly than it already was. The young man nuzzled closer to him and yawned. "Go to sleep." Michael whispered in his ear. He simply hummed to what Michael said and hugged him tighter and smiled while resting his head on the older man's chest. Michael chuckled softly to what Castiel did and continued playing with his unruly hair.

===3==

Castiel gasped awake and sat up quickly. It was the first time he had gone that far in that dream—or memory to be correct. Most of the time, he wakes up after getting to the part that Michael removed his shirt—that was the furthest he got. He never thought he'd actually go through it 'til the end.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his thumb and middle finger. He started breathing deeply to even out his breathing. Once he was sure his breathing is perfectly normal, he glanced down at the clock that was resting on the drawer beside him. 2:45AM. At least he was able to sleep for more than three hours before he was awakened.

He got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom, splashing some water on his face. After that, he went to the kitchen to get some water. After satisfying his thirst, he went to Balthazar's room to know if he's friend got home safely. He was glad to see him softly snoring on his bed. He went back to his room to try to sleep once more. He stared at the ceiling for a little while, thinking about the dream—the beautiful memory. He felt his chest clenching and his lungs clogged preventing air from circulating through his body. He tried to suppress the tears that were starting to form. It was no use though for those tears started falling without a warning. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, inhaling shakily and deeply. He just misses Michael that much. He misses the way Michael sings him to sleep. He misses the way he wrap his arms protectively around him. He misses the way he kisses him with such love and passion and comfort all at the same time. With all these thoughts rushing to his head, he can't help but wonder about some things. He wondered why he wasn't taken away with Michael. He wondered why he was left there, trying to piece back himself together... On his own.

After he was done crying, he inhaled deeply and more steady this time and hugged the pillow with Michael's scent once more. He felt his body relax as he sniffed on the scent that was attached on the pillow. Slowly, he drifted back to sleep with Michael's thoughts haunting him.