By Chance

When it rains...

===3==

It has been three days since Castiel's sudden break down. He went back to the Castiel after Michael's death—the lifeless man who stopped caring about the world. Gabriel and Balthazar let him to it for a while and asked Dean to stay away for the meantime. Balthazar explained the situation to the university and the professors agreed to have a share on Castiel's classes, whoever is free for that certain time to help their friend. They also called for a shrink on that third day and had Castiel assessed. Castiel is less cooperative this time. He doesn't answer or even look at the person talking to him as if he wasn't hearing every word said or he was just too depressed to hear something.

They let two more days passed and the doctor returned to see Castiel's condition. The man's weaker but actually cooperated. Well, at first he did. But after the third visit yesterday, he locked his door and placed his drawer behind it, followed by his bed; to really prevent anyone from getting in... and out.

When Gabriel went home that day from the hospital, he immediately felt something was wrong. He ran to Castiel's room and tried to open the door. He took the master key from the drawer and unlocked it, only to find the door being blocked. He kept on pushing the door but it won't budge.

"Castiel! Open this freakin' door and let me in!" he shouted, and started banging on the door. "Castiel! Open this damn door already! Let me in!" he shouted and hit the door one last time as he shut his eyes. "Cas." He whispered as tears rushed down his face. He kept on hitting the door with his fist lightly. "Cas. Come on. Let me in. Let us all in and help you." He said in a whisper as his tears continue to rush down his face. He let out a shaky breath and gently pushed himself away from the door. He took his phone from his backpack and called Balthazar.

"Gabriel? What's wrong? Did something happen to him?" Balthazar asked worriedly when he saw it was Gabriel calling.

"Um, yeah. Kind of. Can you get home now? I might break down as well. He locked himself in again and this time I think he blocked the door." He said in voice just above a whisper.

"Okay." Balthazar soothes. "I'll take Dean with me there."

"Why?"

"I don't know." He sighed and thought for a while. "I guess I'm hoping he could do something for him. I can see Dean's willingness to do anything for him."

"Okay then. If you think it's time for Dean to try, go ahead. Just please, get home." He pleaded, fresh tears flowing down his face.

"Okay. Okay. Why don't you call Sam? I think you need someone too."

"Yeah. Thanks." He said and they both hang up. Gabriel called Sam, knowing Balthazar was right that he needed some comfort. He knew it was Sam's day off tomorrow and has just gotten home. It only took two rings before Sam picked up.

"Hey Gabe." He greeted cheerfully but the tiredness wasn't successfully hidden.

"Are you tired from duty?" he asked weakly, unsuccessfully hiding the distress from his voice.

"No. Why? Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?" he asked worriedly upon hearing Gabriel's voice.

"Um, I don't know." He whispered honestly. "Yeah. If that's okay with you. I really need someone right now."

"Okay. I'll be there in ten."

"Okay. Thanks." He replied, slowly bringing down his phone and hanging up. He looked back at Castiel's close door. He just doesn't know what to do anymore. He looked back at his phone and decided to cancel the day's session.

Upon hearing Gabriel's voice from the other side of the door, Castiel kept on sobbing silently. He felt the pain in his brother's voice but chose to ignore it. He just can't keep everything inside anymore. After five years of pretending that he doesn't feel the pain, everything just came crashing through.

===3==

"Hey Dean." Balthazar greeted as he walked up to Dean, the said man working on a car his workers can't get fixed. Dean looked up from his work and saw Balthazar leaning against a post with his arms crossed.

"Hey yourself. How's Castiel doing?" he asked concern evident in his tone.

"Terrible." Was his simple answer. Dean sighed deeply at the response he got. He bit down his bottom lip with a frown as he cleaned his hands with a cloth.

"I'm really sorry for—" he started but was cut off by Balthazar who raised his hand.

"Dean, it's not your fault. Stop apologizing for something you are not responsible for."

"Still..." he started but trailed off. He didn't really know what else to say except that it was his fault. He didn't know who else to blame but himself. Who else was there to blame? It couldn't be Gabriel for he knew that would be a mistake. Sam didn't feel the attraction to Castiel to let his name slip like that. Certainly it wasn't Balthazar because he wasn't even there. All there is to blame was Dean himself. That is what he's good at anyway—taking the blame for everything.

"Dean," Balthazar sighed. "Could you come with me? Cas locked himself again. The door's blocked and Gabriel might start to break as well." Balthazar said, finally saying his intentions of coming to Dean.

Dean's eyes widened with fear while his brows furrowed and looked at Balthazar, not believing what he just heard. "Why me?" he said just above a whisper.

Balthazar shrugged at the question and became thoughtful for a while. He averted his gaze from Dean before he spoke. "You know, I don't really trust anyone with my best friend. I'm fine with his one night stands but I make sure that the feeling's mutual. That it's all about sex alone. Every girl I've seen who wanted him for more than just that, I really couldn't care less because I know no one will be able to take Michael's place in his heart." He said, changing the subject and getting Dean confused. He kept his eyes on the ground all the while.

Dean was about to say something when Balthazar spoke again. "I don't even let him get close to men because he was strictly again for women only. But when I saw that shine in your eyes, I knew you were special. I saw that exact same shine in Michael's eyes whenever we're with Cas. And the way you can make his eyes glitter, I knew you were the one who'll be able to make him feel love again." He finished and looked back at Dean.

Dean was speechless. He couldn't find the words to say. He was glad that he has Balthazar's approval but is not really sure if he would believe him. Castiel made it clear he didn't want him that way. True that Dean didn't really want to believe that, but Castiel just kept on pushing him away when he gets too close.

"Balthazar," he started and sighed. He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling for a while, pursing his lips. He sighed heavily once more and looked back at Balthazar in the eye. "He made it clear that he didn't like me. I know he's just being friendly to spare my feelings."

"That's his head talking Dean." Balthazar started to argue, "That flame that has been long gone has started to spark again the night you talked to him at the bar. Dean, please. I don't usually go around asking people to help my best friend." He snapped at Dean, emphasizing the word my.

Dean felt his chest clench, stopping himself from actually hoping that what Balthazar is saying might actually be true. He knew in himself how deep his feelings were for Castiel. In the short time they've been together, he felt something he never felt before. He actually felt... love. He loves Castiel. He loves him so much that he's willing to give up everything for him.

Dean sighed and met Balthazar's eyes. All he could see in those eyes was plain sincerity. Along with that came hope and pain. "Okay." He whispered softly. "I'll try." He said as he ran his hand through his hair. "Just, just let me clean myself a little." The other man can't help but smile a little at that. At least it's not just him and Gabriel who are trying to make Castiel better.

They left in Dean's Impala and were silent all the way to the apartment.

===3==

They arrived to the apartment after half an hour. They got inside and saw Sam doing his best to comfort Gabriel. Tear tracks were evident on the said man's face. His eyes were swollen. He must be crying for some time now. Dean wonders how long Castiel has been locked up in there. "How's he?" he asked worriedly. Gabriel simply shrugged, eyes staring straight ahead.

Dean quickly walked to what he knows is Castiel's room. He turned the knob and found that it wasn't locked. But when he tried to push the door open, it doesn't move. He tried again and realized that when Balthazar said Castiel blocked the door, he wasn't kidding at all. He pounded loudly at the door. "Castiel!" he shouted. "Castiel! Get your ass the hell out of here!" he yelled as he continuously pounded on the door. He stopped and moved back a little as he sighed heavily. Frustration is starting to embrace him. "Is there a window in his room?" he asked Balthazar because he's the only one who'd actually be able to answer.

"Of course. Why?"

"Take me there." He replied and walked past Balthazar and straight to the door.

Balthazar led him to one side of the apartment and pointed to the window on the second floor. It was open to let some air in but also blocked with a curtain, which made it impossible to see what's inside. The window was actually big enough to let a man his size in.

"What are you going to do?" Balthazar asked as they stared at the open window.

"I'm gonna climb up there and get him out." He replied as he rolled his shoulders backwards and went to the series of ladders beside the building. He started climbing the short way up and reached the balcony where the window was. He pushed open the curtain and saw Castiel sitting and curled up like a ball in the middle of the bed. His head was resting on his folded arms just on top of his knees. The sight made his heart ache that he just want to embrace the man and tell him that everything will be okay. But he knew better and went against it.

He sighed heavily and went into the room through the window. He slowly walked towards the bed where Castiel was sitting. Slowly, he sat down on the edge of the bed as he reached out to put his hand on Castiel's head.

Castiel flinched and snapped his head up to see who it was and how the hell that person entered the room. He was surprised to see Dean sitting at the edge of his bed, his face was painted with a pained expression. Dean let his hand fall on the bed when Castiel's head suddenly looked up.

Castiel sighed heavily and put his head back down.

"Why are you here?" he whispered.

"Balthazar was worried and asked me to come." He said just above a whisper and averted his gaze away from Castiel. It was really painful to see him broken like this, knowing it was his fault.

Castiel, as if he knows what Dean was thinking mumbled. "It's not your fault, you know? This was bound to happen sooner or later." He released a shaky breath and lifted his head a little; just enough to see Dean's face.

Dean simply stared back at him and kept on blaming himself. He moved a little closer to Castiel and hesitantly lifted his hand up to brush Castiel's hair away from his forehead. After doing so, he ran his fingers through the said man's hair, trying to comfort him the same way he did with Sam when they were kids. Why Castiel let him do this, he doesn't know. Castiel simply sighed lightly and closed his eyes. Dean stopped combing his hair with his fingers a few moments later but kept them tangled with his hair. He sighed lightly and slowly slid his hand down the other man's face; his thumb rubbing soothing circles on his temple, making him sigh in contentment.

"Michael used to do that when we were kids. After I cry because the other kids were telling me my father doesn't love me anymore." Castiel whispered and slowly opened his eyes but kept his gaze on the bed.

"I'm sorry." Dean whispered back and started to pull his hand away. Castiel stopped him by raising his hand and resting it on top of Dean's to keep it on his face.

"No." He whispered, "It's okay. I like it. I miss that kind of comfort." he said, finally meeting Dean's gaze.

Dean simply nodded and went back on what he was doing after Castiel pulled his hand away. Castiel sighed once more and closed his eyes again. A few moments of silence later, Castiel started to snore lightly which made Dean smile. He just kept on rubbing soothing circles on his temple until he's sure he's fast asleep. Slowly, he moved his hand away from Castiel's face. He stood up and moved to sit beside Castiel to pull him down to a lying position on the bed. After Castiel was laid down on bed, the said man shifted on his own to make himself comfortable and sighed one more time.

Dean stood up and left through the window, asking help from Balthazar and Sam to move the bed and the drawer away from the door. After that, he checked up on Castiel one last time before they went home.

===3==

A few weeks passed and Castiel continued the sessions with his psychiatrist. He was granted a long leave of absence by the University. Dean visits almost everyday after asking Gabriel, Balthazar and Castiel's permission. Even the doctor said that Castiel is more responsive when Dean is around (at least before and after sessions. Their sessions are meant to be private.). The doctor told Gabriel and Balthazar that Dean's presence actually helps Castiel's condition.

So, needless to say, that became their routine; Dean visits in the morning to make sure Castiel eats breakfast and goes to work after. Then, he returns at noon after his work at the shop (he has been having a half day off to make sure Castiel's still fine) before the session starts and feeds him his lunch. He stays out whenever the session's going on. He stays a little later to make sure that Castiel would actually sleep for the night.

Whenever Dean's there, they don't really talk. They just sit there in comfortable silence. Occasionally, Dean would play the guitar in Castiel's room (which he didn't know was Michael's) and sing to him. It was comforting for the two of them, simply having each other's company. At times, Dean would bring movies and make Castiel watch them while he washes the dishes or cook some food. After washing the dishes or cook food, he'd just stand there and watch Castiel watch a movie.

Tonight wasn't any different. Well, except for the fact that the fridge doesn't really have much food to be used to actually make a meal.

"Castiel." He called as he put on his jacket. The said man looked up from his position on the couch but did not speak. "I'll buy some food from the store. I'll leave you here for a while, okay?" he finished as he reached the door. Castiel simply nodded and looked back at the TV.

The sky looked dark and seemed like it was about to rain. For safety measures, Dean brought an umbrella with him and started his short ride to the store.

It took him about ten minutes to drive there and fifteen minutes to buy everything he needed. When he was about to pay, he realized that it was raining outside but it wasn't strong at all. It was simply slightly heavy droplets falling from the sky. The wind is still and there are no signs of lightning or thunder. He was glad he had brought an umbrella with him.

He got out and went to his car, shrugging off the few droplets of water that reached his jacket. He started his car and went on his way to Castiel's place.

He got there about ten minutes later and was surprised at the sight that welcomed him.

Castiel was standing under the rain. He was soaked and his head was tilted backwards, the rain showering his beautiful face. His eyes were closed but his lips were parted a little. His arms were slightly open, as if waiting for something to take him or offering himself to whomever.

"Castiel!" Dean exclaimed, running towards him with the umbrella—groceries forgotten in the car—to keep him from getting wetter. Castiel looked at him and gave him the saddest smile he has ever seen which made him stop.

"It was raining the night Michael and I admitted our feelings for each other." He told Dean, his smile still intact. "It was around this time too." He said and chuckled sadly as he looked down on the ground. He wet his lips and shut his eyes; his brows furrowed. Whether he was crying or not, Dean doesn't really know. All he could see was the pain on Castiel's beautiful face.

Dean dropped the umbrella and slowly walked over to Castiel. Castiel's eyes were still shut and his head was still bowed down when Dean reached him. Slowly and hesitantly, Dean brought his arms up and around the shorter man. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Castiel's eyes snap open but he didn't back away. He simply let Dean's embrace calm him down as he shut his eyes back down. His shoulders were shaking hard as he sniffed every now and then. Dean simply hugged him tighter, hoping for everything to be alright after.

After a while, Castiel's breathing started to go back to normal. His hands were fisted in front of Dean's jacket—on the said man's waist. Dean simply kept him there, the rain still pouring and the wind starting to pick up. Reluctantly, Castiel gently pushed away from Dean as he calmed down.

"Thanks." He whispered, eyes still glued to the ground, hands still fisted Dean's jacket.

Dean cupped his face with one hand while the other rested on his back. Castiel looked back at him and saw the fondness on his face. Dean was staring right at his eyes and was rubbing soothing circles on his cheek. Dean then looked up to his forehead and brushed his hair away with the same hand before looking back at his eyes. "Glad to help." He whispered back and continued rubbing his thumb across his cheek. Castiel gave him a small smile and did something slightly unexpected. Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. He was frozen for a while but then wrapped one arm around Castiel's waist while the other moved to cradle the back of Castiel's head as he smiled to himself.

"Thank you for being here." Castiel murmured.

"I thought asking you to let me want you made things clear already?" he said with a fond smile even though the other man couldn't exactly see him while he gently played with Castiel's soaked hair. "I'm not going anywhere Castiel." He finished turning his head a little to nuzzle Castiel's head with his.

"Cas." Castiel muttered.

"What?" he asked, not sure if he was hearing it right.

"It's Cas. Call me Cas."

AN: Uh, yeah. So, I might not be able to post for three weeks or whatever because it's our preliminary exams the week after and I kind of have to focus on studying first. So I might not be able to write anything decent even if I try to. Anyways, enjoy this thing and review. Please? Haha. Also, I'll be posting a Dean birthday special thingy thing (it is on the 24th, right?). Yeah. Okay. I love you guys! :D