AN: Sorry guys for the very, VERY late update. I was hit by a major writer's block this past week and I have no idea of what I should write or whatever. Like I have the idea in my head but I couldn't write it. Anyway, I think the reason to my recent writer's block is due to my depression regarding my preliminary exams. Anyway, here it is. Forgive me for being too little too late (wait. what?). Please do enjoy and please. Review. :D

I love you guys! :3

By Chance

Letting go...

===3==

"It's Cas. Call me Cas." He said as pulled away a little from Dean to see the other man's face.

"Cas." Dean muttered. Cas simply gave him a small nod in agreement, showing him that he's not going to freak out again by hearing his Michael-given nickname. "Cas." Dean said once more, a little louder, as if he couldn't believe Cas is okay with his nickname being used.

"Yes, Dean. That's my name." He said half teasingly with a small smirk. His face suddenly scrunches before Dean could respond and sneezed, sniffing afterwards.

"Well, Cas. I think we better get inside before you catch a cold. Gabriel might kill me for letting you get sick." He said teasingly as he shrugged. Castiel snorted a slight chuckle.

"Nah. Balthazar will kill you. I'm the one Gabriel will kill for getting sick."

"Still, someone would kill someone." He said jokingly which in turn made Castiel chuckle a little and smile widely. "Come on." he said and pulled back to hold Castiel from behind. They were almost to the door when Dean realized he forgot the groceries in the car. He told Cas to wait at the door as he ran back to the car to get them—and the umbrella—then ran back to Cas. They got inside and tried to shrug off as much water as possible. Dean walked to the kitchen and dropped the bag on the counter.

"I think you better shower. You could get sick." He called to Cas who went to a cabinet to get some towels.

"Sure. You can take your jacket and shirt off and just wrap your body with this. It'll be a little warmer." He replied as he passed Dean a towel. Dean raised his hand which held the towel and nodded as thanks. Castiel nodded and smiled in return and made his way to the bathroom. As Dean dried his hair first, he heard the sound of the shower being turned on.

Dean removed his jacket and his shirt and dried his body. He didn't wrap the towel around and stayed half naked as he started cooking dinner. Gabriel has a night shift in the hospital while Balthazar's staying with his new girlfriend which means he only needs to prepare a dinner for two. As he started dinner, he started to hum AC/DC's Highway to Hell.

He was halfway through making dinner and was busy humming AC/DC songs (at the moment he's humming You Shook Me All Night) that he didn't hear Cas finishing his shower until warm arms wrapped around his waist, a bare chest touched his back, a face nuzzled his and a hum came from behind. He momentarily stiffened but relaxed quickly, feeling familiar with the touch.

"What are you cooking?" the man from behind whispered fondly which made his heart race. He can feel his face heat up as he slowly turned his face with his lips parted to slight surprise. He was speechless for a while with how near Cas' face was from him. When Castiel didn't get a reply, he turned his head as well to face Dean. They simply stared for a while until Cas pulled away quickly, as if realizing something he should've known before he wrapped his arms around Dean.

"I'm sorry." He muttered as he looked away.

"Um." Dean stuttered and averted his gaze as well. "It's okay. Uh, what..." he trailed off. He really didn't have to finish the question because Cas understood it clearly.

"It's just..." he started and wet his lips. He inhaled deeply and exhaled the air slowly. "When I heard you humming You Shook Me All Night, um..." he stuttered, "my body went on instinct." He finished but kept his gaze away from Dean.

"Um," Dean started and wave his hand forwards, a gesture to ask Cas to continue, and looked at him as he said, "please elaborate."

"Michael." He sighed heavily and pursed his lips before he tried again. "Michael hums AC/DC songs whenever he cooks. I went on instinct. I... I usually do what I did to Michael when I hear him humming here. So... yeah. Um. I'm sorry." He looked up at Dean. "Again."

Dean was about to respond when they heard the front door open. Balthazar came crashing through and saw the two half naked men standing awkwardly in the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the two of them. Cas was feeling a little awkward while Dean was starting to blush heavily.

"Don't tell me I just walked in on the two of you." He told them with his eyebrows raised as he slowly walked towards them. He failed to hide the accusation in his tone.

"No!" The two men exclaimed quickly which gained them an amused look from Balthazar.

"Okay. Then why are you two too defensive?" Balthazar said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"We're not defensive!" again, they exclaimed at the same time. Dean's face turned redder while Cas got a little more frustrated. Balthazar smirked at the two of them. He found the two men very amusing at that moment.

"Why are you here anyway?" Cas asked him, half annoyed.

"Why are you half naked?" Balthazar asked smugly and raised an eyebrow at him. Castiel blushed and averted his gaze from Balthazar.

"It's none of your business." He muttered.

"It is my business. I'm your best friend and you're not going to tell me about your sex life?" he retorted smugly which gained him a glare from Cas and a brighter blush from Dean.

"Dude!" Cas exclaimed. "First of all, why the hell would I tell you anything about my sex life?" he said and didn't notice Dean squirming in his position. "And secondly, Dean and I weren't having sex neither were we planning on doing so." he finished with a scowl and his index finger pointed at Balthazar.

"Aw. C'mon Cassy—"

"Stop calling me Cassy!" Cas cut off.

"Fine." He said with a roll of his eyes. "C'mon Castiel. The two of you looked like teenagers caught in the act of getting it on." he said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows. Cas frowned at the implication and opened his mouth for a retort but Balthazar raised his hand to stop him from saying anything. "I get it Castiel and now I'm leaving." He said and turned towards the door.

Cas grunted and turned to Dean who turned into all kinds of red. "Dean, will you please explain to him what really happened?" Cas told him which made his head snap back to reality.

"Huh?" he asked because he wasn't exactly following the flow of the conversation ever since he has heard Balthazar's implication.

Cas sighed before he started to speak. "Why we're half naked. Explain it to him." he finished giving Dean the look that says fuck-this-up-and-we're-not-talking-to-each-other-ever-again half heartedly.

"Oh." Dean replied, realizing what was going on. "He took a shower because we both got soaked in the rain. I was waiting for him to finish so I can shower as well. I removed my shirt so I won't catch a cold." He finished with a shrug.

"Uh huh." Balthazar said, crossing his arms, still not convinced. "And neither of you thought that a shirt was necessary?" he asked smugly which made Dean blush a little.

"Not really. I mean, we're both dudes and..." he trailed off and looked down on the floor

"Also, you know I rarely wear a shirt after a shower." Cas continued.

"Aw come on Cassy!" Balthazar exclaimed. But before Cas can respond, Gabriel suddenly busted in the door.

"Halo peop—" he trailed off after seeing Cas and Dean half naked with a very amused Balthazar.

"Why are you home?" Balthazar, Cas and Dean asked at the same time.

"What? I live here. Doctor Taylor came eventually. I didn't have to do his shift anymore." Gabriel responded with a shrug. "Why are you two half naked anyway?"

"They were about to have sex Gabe." Balthazar smirked which made Cas groan and Dean blush harder.

"We are not!" Cas defended.

"Right Cassy. So... Balthazar, you and I walked in on them, then?" Gabriel teased with a smirk as he crossed his arms over his chest. Both he and Balthazar were enjoying the sight and the situation a lot.

"Stop calling me Cassy! Why can't you just call me Cas?" he snapped and made Gabriel and Balthazar tense up. Confusion and relief were evidently seen in their eyes.

"What?" Balthazar muttered weakly.

"Cas... I'm... I'm cool." Cas replied just as weakly but firmly to assure them.

"Cas." Gabriel whispered which got Cas' attention. "Cas." He said again, louder this time. Cas just looked at him, assuring his brother that he wouldn't freak out. "Cas." He breathes one more time before he rushed to his brother and held him in a tight embrace, letting one of his hands fist his younger brother's hair that lay at the back of his neck while the other around his shoulder. "Cas." He said one last time and held him tighter while Cas wrapped his arms around his brother.

"Yes, Gabriel. That's my name." He said fondly with a smile and held him tighter.

Balthazar slowly walked up to them and wrapped his arms around them, kissing Cas' temple before releasing a heavy sigh and resting his forehead on Cas' temple. "It's so good to have you back Cas." He choked out and held Cas and Gabriel.

"I was never gone Balthazar." He teased lightly.

"You know what I mean." Balthazar said quietly and held the brothers tighter, feeling his eyes burn as he felt the tears form.

"I know." Cas replied and moved one of his arms out of Gabriel's waist and wrapped it around Balthazar. Both Balthazar and Gabriel were silently sobbing. Cas simply smiled, glad that he's best friend and his brother are happy. Dean simply stood there and admired the sight in front of him, knowing that Cas is actually getting better and glad that (hopefully) he's helping somehow.

Almost two weeks have passed and their routine just kept on going. Dean still took half days at work and he still took care of Cas. Only difference is that the sessions are less and less and Cas has slowly started to teach once more. Dean would occasionally pick him up or bring him dinner or just hang out with them—Cas, Gabriel and Balthazar—at night.

One afternoon, by the end of the second week after the occurrence, Cas and Dean were watching a movie in Cas' apartment. His class ends at two o'clock in the afternoon on days like that. Cas sat cross legged on the couch while Dean had his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together and body crouched down. Both of them were watching the movie intently until it came to an end. Both men stretched a little when it ended. Dean stood up and started cleaning up.

"Dean, can I show you something?" Cas asked when he stood up as well to help Dean.

"Sure." He replied as they put the dishes they used to the sink. Cas went to his room while Dean went back to the living room and sat back down, waiting for him. When Cas returned, he was holding two books; one black—the one he dropped in Dean's car—and one white. He sat down right next to Dean and crossed his legs once more, this time, facing Dean.

Cas was looking at the books in his hands. He wet his lips and bit down his lower lip, contemplating about something. As he released his lower lip, he sighed a little and looked up to Dean with a small smile. He passed the books to Dean and the other man accepted it with confusion on his face as he eyed the books in his hands.

"What are these?" Dean asked and looked up at Cas who looked a little nervous.

"The black one belonged to Michael and the white one belongs to me." he said, waiting for Dean's reaction.

"Okay." He simply replied, encouraging Cas to continue.

"We started writing on those, memories we have together, a few months after we became a couple. We agreed to read it together after ten years we started writing, which is actually some time this year. We've been together for five years and we did our best not to write too much unless we really loved what happened, like, the first time we..." he trailed off and blushed profusely as he bit his lower lip with a shy smile. Obviously, Dean understood what he was saying. "Anyway, we minimized the entries into three to five sentences for every entry. We also put a few pictures in there."

"Why are you telling me this then?" Dean asked quietly, curious as to why Cas was telling him all of the things he just said.

Cas simply shrugged with a small sad smile as he looked down, eyes on the couch they're sitting on. He bit his lower lip, thinking of what to say next before meeting Dean's eyes once more. "I guess this is me letting go." He said and looked down once more as he played with his hand.

"Okay." Dean said quietly after a long pause, staring intently at Cas.

"What?" Cas' head snapped up to look at Dean, as if he just realized he had company.

"Let's read the stuff you and Michael wrote in here." Dean encouraged—still looking at Cas—with a smile as he opened Michael's book. He looked down at the open book in his hands and started reading. "August 28, 2000. We're not a couple yet at this time but Balthazar and I found out that we both have feelings for Cas. Anyway, it's his birthday on this day and I took him to his favourite arcade. We spent the whole day there and I'm not telling him I wrote this. I'm just head over heels for him and yeah, I love you Cas. I'll write about the present on my next entry." Dean finished reciting Michael's first entry and raised his brows at the end. "Huh." He huffed out, still looking at the book in his hands.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too." Cas said with a light chuckle which made Dean look up to him. Cas was still smiling fondly as he replayed the words over and over in his head while Dean was smiling goofily at Cas. When Cas felt Dean's eyes on him, his smile faded and he looked up at Dean. "What?" he asked with slightly furrowed brows. Dean simply shook his head as his smile got a little bigger.

"Nothing. It's just..." he started but trailed off. He looked straight ahead, still wearing that smile. He looked back at Cas after a little while and smiled fondly at him. Cas couldn't help but return that smile. "Your smile. It's beautiful, do you know that?"

Cas snorted with a smile but still turned a little red because of compliment and the sincerity behind it that is wrapped up with fondness. "Yeah. Almost every girl I meet tells me that. But still, thanks." He said with a smile that would make Adonis nothing in comparison. Dean's heart beat quickly in his chest and he was quite certain Cas would actually hear it if he doesn't do anything.

"Okay." Dean started awkwardly as he tore his gaze away from Cas and brought it back to the book he was holding. "Let's see what else he has written in here, shall we?" he asked jokingly which made Cas smile.

"Okay. Go on ahead." He replied with a smile and a small wave of his hand as a gesture to make Dean continue.

Dean flipped the pages, skipping some parts and stopped after a while. He cleared his throat before he started reading. "March 18, 2003. Happy Birthday to me! Oh yeah! Best Birthday EVER!" Dean read with feelings as he emphasized the capitalization of the whole word 'ever' and the joy written on the paper. He looked up at Cas who was blushing profusely, biting his lower lip, suppressing a sheepish smile and couldn't look at him. He furrowed his brows in confusion. Suddenly, his eyes widened a little with his cheeks turning red as realization hit him when he remembered Balthazar's story about the first time Cas and Michael had sex. That would explain why it was the best birthday for Michael and why Cas was blushing that way.

An awkward silence fell upon them, neither breaking it as the two men shied away ever so slightly. Cas cleared his throat, finally giving up and decided on breaking the silence. Dean looked at him and he looked back at the other man. "Um," he started and averted his gaze once more as he rubbed the back of his neck. "okay. That was... awkward." He finished with his cheeks flushed red, glancing at the other man every now and then.

"Yeah." Dean huffed out, averting his gaze as well, looking anywhere, everywhere just not at Cas. Finally, he cleared his throat and sighed a little before he looked back at Cas. "So, I guess we should start reading again."

"Sure." He responded with a soft smile.

"Okay. Um." Dean started as he looked back at the book in his hands, flipping through the pages again. He went back a little instead of moving ahead to the most recent entries. He stopped somewhere at the quarter part of the book. He inhaled deeply before reciting the words he saw on the pages. "December 24, 2002. Heavy Christmas Eve make out session. Almost lost control. God help me. Control yourself Michael." Dean raised his brows at the page; amusement and confusion were written all over his face.

"We were alone that Christmas Eve." Cas started to explain when he saw the slight confusion on Dean's face. Dean looked up at him, giving him his full attention. Cas sighed lightly and chewed his lower lip thoughtfully before continuing. "We have the apartment for ourselves because Balthazar went home. Gabriel can't get to me because there was a snow storm coming from where he was working as a nurse while he studied medicine. Michael's family let him stay with me since my brother couldn't make it. I wanted to lose control at that time as well but I was too scared. I was scared to bare myself to him so I stopped him. We ended up cuddling instead. That night, I felt so safe, like no one could harm me at all." Cas finished with a smile and Dean couldn't help but adore that smile of the man in front of him. Cas suddenly felt Dean's eyes on him and looked up, brows furrowed a little with confusion. Dean was wearing the sweetest smile and he doesn't know why. "What?" he asked with a small smile.

"Nothing." Dean said as he shook his head. He sighed a little and looked at Cas in the eye. "So, shall we continue?" he asked with a smile. Cas nodded slowly with a soft smile and let Dean continue reading. Once again, he flipped the pages, now moving forward to the most recent entries. He stopped again and started reading whatever was written. "August 18, 2004. Three years together and going strong. Two words: Edwin McCain."