It feels good to be getting back in the groove. I realize that the last chapter was particularly hard, believe me, I hate it when Rachel and Finn fight too, but I'm ready for big things to be happening!

Remember I am open to new ideas!

Please comment.

Evee

Rachel's POV:

Rachel wasn't sure what felt worst, the hurt that Finn had caused by admitting what everybody really thought of her, or the betrayal she felt in herself. She was standing in her room, pacing, several times she had picked up the phone with the intention of calling somebody different each time. At first, it was Kurt, with the need to admit everything that she was going through. Then it was Finn with the hopes of being able to fix whatever they were going through and then here was Jessie, who happened to be heading for her house right now. She had thought of calling him to say that she changed her mind, she didn't want him coming over, but she didn't call anybody, she couldn't.

She jumped when there was a knock on her door, even though this time she was expecting it. Turning, she spotted Jessie standing there, a smile on his face "I knew you'd come around…" he admitted as he moved forward.

Rachel shook her head "no, I haven't come around. I'm still angry at you for what you did to me, I shouldn't have agreed to let you come over.. You should leave now" she said, not meeting his eyes. "Rachel, I'm not sure how else I can say how sorry I am. I was a coward, and I should have told you everything from the beginning, but I came back.. All the way from California, just to see you.." he said, searching her face, attempting to meet her eyes.

At last, she turned her gaze to him "everything? What do you mean?"

Jessie smiled that gentle smile "I don't want to talk about it here.. Let me take you out, to dinner. I won't try anything funny, I promise" he added when Rachel adopted that suspicious look. She looked unsure for a minute as she glanced towards the phone "I can't go on a date with you.. I couldn't hurt Finn like that.." she told him, shaking her head.

"It won't be a date" he insisted "I promise, just two friends going out so they can talk, no funny stuff, I swear it" he stated again. She bit upon her bottom lip before turning her brown eyes on him "a.. alright.." she agreed, though she still seemed uncertain about it.

Ten minutes later she was sitting in Jessie's BMW, staring out the window. He had insisted that she change clothes, saying that he knew that it always made her feel better. She had insisted that she felt fine, but he hadn't fallen for it and waited for her change. She now wore a black sleeveless dress with a pair of flats, not wanting to look like she was actually trying to impress this guy. She just wasn't in a colorful mood at the moment.

She seemed determined not to talk while in such a close proximity, although Jessie tried on several occasions to start a conversation. Rachel usually replied with short forceful answers, still refusing to look at him.

The awkward silence continued onward, until at last they pulled into the parking lot of a town favorite, Breadsticks. "I know this is your favorite restaurant.." Jessie said once he had opened her door for her. "You don't need to do that.." she said, as she stepped out of the car "thank you" she added, feeling a bit awkward.

The waitress was nice enough, leading them to a booth before setting a glass of water in front of both of them and a basket full of breadsticks in the middle "I'll be back in a bit to take your orders" she said before walking away.

"Rachel.." Jessie began, trying once again to catch her eyes, but she was focused on the table, refusing to look up at him. "I know that your angry with me, I don't deserve any less with how I left things, but you should know that I regret nothing more than leaving things the way that I did" he reached across the table, aiming to place his hand on top of hers, but she pulled it away before he could. "Then why did you leave? How could you do that to me, do you have any idea how horrible I felt, how foolish I must have been to trust you. You acted like you loved me, I almost had sex with you.." her voice was getting heated and she finally turned her eyes to him. They were so full of hurt that he couldn't bear to keep looking into them as his own fell to the table this time.

"Rachel, you have to understand. I did love you, that was the problem. It's why I left.. I wasn't supposed to develop real feelings for you, and I just couldn't tell you the truth. I still love you, I spent every day thinking about you, wondering what you were doing and whether or not you were thinking of me. I came back to fix what I did to you, I have to and you have to let me.." he pleaded, finally meeting her eyes. Rachel stared at him for a moment, seeming unsure what to say.

"Did you need more time?" came a voice from beside the table, the waitress was back and holding a notepad looking towards each of them expectantly. Rachel glanced from the waitress back to Jessie and shook her head "I'm not hungry.." she said finally. Jessie smiled towards the waitress "two tea's with lemon, we'll flag you if we need anything else" he assured her before the waitress turned to get their drinks.

"What's the truth?" Rachel asked, at last the second the waitress was out of earshot. Her voice was soft and it was obvious that she was frightened of the answer. "You really were just spying on New Directions, right? You were using me.. Weren't you?"

"No.. I wasn't spying on your glee club. I tried to make it look like that's all I was doing, but when I first when into things, I had no intentions of falling for you. I was only supposed to deliver a message. I didn't want to do it, in fact I wasn't going to do it, but then I saw you in the music store. You were beautiful Rachel, and I found myself curious, I'd heard others talking about your voice and how amazing it was. I had to know for myself, so I got you to sing a song with me and I couldn't believe how amazing you were, we belonged together. I saw no other way to see you without Vocal Adrenaline being suspicious, so I agreed to work for somebody. Your mother… Shelby knew who you were, and she wanted you to know who she was, I was supposed to lead you to her.."

He watched as Rachel's focus seemed to blur out for a moment, it was clear that she was remembering back, thinking about the day that he helped her dig through all those old boxes, how he helped her find.. "the tape.." she said, glancing back at him "you planted it?" Jessie nodded. "Yes, you needed to hear her voice.. I knew it was something that you wanted, the problem was the more time I spent with you, the harder I was falling. It was becoming so much more complicated, especially knowing that you were falling back. I was risking too much and I knew if I stayed much longer… Rachel, everything I did was to protect you."

Rachel's eyes snapped open, they were shining they way they did whenever she grew angry or truly passionate about somebody "so you thought the best way to protect me, was by hurting me? Was by leaving me to wonder what happened? You never gave me an explination, you just left me and I.. I've wondered what was wrong with me" she said, tears forming once again. She took a deep breath "why didn't you just tell me?"

"I swore that I wouldn't, you found your real mother and that was the important part.. You deserved better" he insisted, reaching for her hands again but she pulled them out of the way. "I got better, I've got Finn, who loves me and would never lie to me about something so important" Jessie scoffed at the name "Finn doesn't deserve you Rachel, he's an idiot and he doesn't know what he really has. I wished that I had realized what I was loosing, I would have given it all up for you, I HAVE given it all up for you. I would never lie to you, never again. I'd treat you the way you deserve to be treated and love everything about you, think about giving me another chance.. Please" he added, at last getting a hold of her hand and pulling it closer. "Just give me a chance to make it up to you, and you'll never be unhappy again. I swear it" he pleaded.

Rachel couldn't meet his eyes, she felt so confused as she thought about everything that he was saying. She didn't jerk her hand away, she couldn't even tell whether or not she was still angry with him. If what he was saying was true then he did love her, but he lied to her. Part of her wanted to run away from him, never see him again, the other part wanted her to give him a chance. Then there was Finn, she loved Finn and he loved her completely.. Almost completely, she reminded herself, thinking over Finn's last words with her. "I.. I can't leave Finn. I can't hurt him like that, I love him. I won't give up on him" she said feeling determination wash through her. "I'm sorry Jessie, thank you… for finally explaining what really happened but your too late.."

Jessie shook his head "no Rachel, I'm not giving up.. Sooner or later your going to realize Finn is wrong for you and that you deserve better and I'm going to be here when that happens.."

Rachel sighed, glancing down towards the table again "I think I'm ready to go home now.." she said, not realizing that their entire conversation could be heard just one table down. Rachel hadn't noticed the familiar cheerleaders sitting just behind them, a satisfied smile sat upon Santana's face while Brittany looked pleasantly lost about the whole thing. As the pair were leaving, Jessie glanced back and met eyes with the feisty brunette and flashed her a knowing smile, adding a wink.