The closing of the door wakes Meredith up, she thinks about the dream, she just has had. There were happy children running around in her backyard and herself with the arms of a man around her. But now, awaken she knows that her dream was a sequence far from the reality, which is hard to face. She knows after many tries that there would be only a slight chance of children ahead in her future.
She shudders and curls herself a little tighter into herself, till she is in a foetus position. But something is blocking her from moving into her perfect self pitying position; warm arms are holding her close to a warm body. It is not restricting but comfortable; she might even say she feels safe. A feeling that hasn't been there for awhile.
She is moving around somehow distressed, wait SHE? God, how much did I drink last night and who did I take home with me - home? Where the hell am I? I recognize the smell in front of me, it is Meredith. Nothing happened, we are at her place or no, remembering our talk earlier, it is my place again, too.
I am so terrible glad about this change because this has been the only true home I have ever had, where I could be myself and didn't have to pretend to be someone else, her I can cry, scream, laugh and nobody, who matters, would think less of me.
Hearing her whimpering and feeling her curling into herself even more, I just hold her and start murmuring soothing words into her hair. Hoping it would haven an effect.
After a while I feel Meredith trying to turn around in my arms, I give her the leverage to do so. She seems relieved that it is me. I smile at her and she smiles back at me, a smile that even reaches her eyes, how have I missed these smiles, which make her shine. Then she snuggles closer into my chest and takes a deep breath.
He smells god, somehow like home and reliability, I know that there is nothing that smells safe, but smelling him I just feel at home and safe; now I am starting to sound creepy. I don't want to let go, I want to stay here forever.
Not many people around me have ever been reliable, even less in the last months. I know that I haven't done anything to show that I am trustworthy myself, but I couldn't let Dr. Webber, Richard, live through this horror again, if there was the slightest possibility to change Richard' and Adele's fate. I lost so many people and chances, but wouldn't change my actions if I could turn back time. Still what am I going to do now, where am I going to find a job? I know that I have ultimately lost Derek, his personal and professional trust, Zola, Bailey and presumably so many more, also I have thrown away so many chances for my professional future.
Who is going to offer a job to a doctor, who has destroyed a trial? I think I should move, someplace, where nobody knows me or of my past, what is keeping me here. Most of us are going to move after the test at the end of the year. Does it even matter whether I move now or in a few months? A fresh start sounds wonderful. I could stay in contact with the few important people in my life because I am certain, those people would stand beside me and in close contact, regardless of how big the distance between us might be. Hopefully!
"Mer, Mer, hey, everything is ok… Come on, look at me. Baby Girl." – "Baby Girl?" Meredith looks up at Alex, who has the decency to blush, he tries to turn his face away from her, but she could still see it, highlighted by the light that falls from the street lamps through the curtains onto Alex' face. "Sorry, I have no idea why I said it, maybe a slip of tongue." – "Alex, relax, take a deep breath, it is okay, it is just been a while, since someone used a term of endearment in my presence."
I just want to hug her and never let her go; I don't want her to get hurt any more. That has to stop now! No, I am going to put a stop to it, I going to stop all of them, especially Derek, that stupid hair loving idiot. She is looking at me with these big, teary eyes, she should smile and be happy; better said we should smile and be happy. "Then I will start using such terms, okay." – "Alexxxx, … Hmm. That seems reasonable. Thank you!" There is this smile again. "But only if I get to use them also." – "What? Meredith no way!" – "Afraid, you might loose your bad boy image? I am sorry to hurt you, but that has flown out of the window a long, long time ago." Now, she is even smirking. This little trickster. "You think I am no longer a bad boy, an asshole?" – "Yes, you are a cuddly teddy bear…." – "Cuddly teddy bear? Do I look or act like a cuddly teddy bear?" –
"Sure, you are holding me in your arms, sharing the bed with me, to make me feel better, you took him home, you shielded me from the others at work and that is only some of the stuff you did for me in the last twelve hours, if you think about it, you might realize that there is and was so much more, and if you widen your horizon to other people than me, like Eva, Arizona, Izzie, Addison, George, Lexie, Christina, all the children you work with, then there are so many situations, which show that you are a loveable and kind person. You might not believe me, so trust the instinct of the kids. Kids love you and they are usually pretty good judges." – "You are getting me all teary eyed. Baby Girl, maybe I am no longer an asshole, but I am still a whole manly guy."
He moves them in a way that he is on his hands and knees above her; they are smirking and starring in each others eyes. Alex looks ready to attack, holding both of her slim wrists in one hand, while he is moving his other hand toward her rib cage. She starts struggling against his hold on her. "No, Alex. I didn't mean it like this." She can't continue speaking because she is giggling and laughing so much, that she has to concentrate on breathing, while he keeps on tickling her. "Say that I am a manly man, say it Meredith. I am not going to stop…" – "No, you are a cuddly teddy bear!" He stops tickling her for a few seconds to take off his shirt. "Does this look like the body of a cuddly teddy bear? Hmm, does it?" Meredith first thought this would be the chance to free her from Alex' hold and start attacking him. But the sight of Alex' naked upper body in front of her, makes her halt in her movements.
She can't help herself, but stare at him. She hasn't seen Alex half-naked in a while; he must have re-started working out after moving from the house. Still she doesn't want to give him the upper hand, so she says pouting "Teddy bear, give me a cuddle, please…" Alex has enough "That is it; you are so going to get it. I am NO teddy bear. Just wait."
They start to romp around on the bed, like five-year-olds. Suddenly the door opens and they see three heads sticking into the room. April, Jackson and Lexie look at them, seemingly unsure what to make out and say about the scene in front of them.