The following chapter comes with and extra warning: this chapter contains a violent sexual scene. If you are young or sensitive to this you may wish to skip this chapter. You could probably catch up well enough in the next one.
A Dragon's Heart – Chapter 20
Faster, faster, she told herself and her feet managed to reluctantly shuffle forward a few meters.
Inside, her brain was running around in its own logic loop and refused to yield anything helpful. She did not want to do this. But she had to do this. She was here to do this. But she wanted to run back and climb into bed with Natsume.
Well, that wasn't right. Natsume was not in bed anymore. He was following her.
Mikan still could not explain or understand much about the weird link she had with Natsume but she had known the exact moment he had woken up and found her gone.
Even from a distance she had felt the roiling emotions in him. First there was alarm, which was quickly replaced by worry, and at that point she had very nearly turned around and ran back to him to soothe his fears. It had taken every ounce of her strength in her to keep her feet facing forward and not go running back.
Gods I'm so pathetic. After several minutes of worry, from him of which she could only guess he was trying to look for her, she felt a flare of denial followed closely by a huge wave of anger and hurt. The feelings of betrayal caused her knees to buckle and made her stagger in her course. Even now the feelings from him weighed heavily on her making her move even slower.
At this rate, he would catch her in no time. My body is probably secretly sabotaging my escape. She thought with a weird twist to her lips.
I'm so sorry. She miserably said to Natsume in her head, not that it mattered. He probably hates me now. I can't say as I really blame him. She thought rather sullenly to herself. Honestly, she was not too happy with herself right now either. She had felt the very moment he had figured out that she had snuck away from him while he was still asleep. But instead of him going home like she hoped, he was following after her and getting closer.
When did things become such a mess? She wondered for the hundredth time that morning and she felt the familiar itch behind her eyes start that warned her she would start pouring out useless tears again if she didn't pull herself together.
"Tch, you're not such a grown up woman after all are you?" Natsume's words last night continued to mock her. Nope, she definitely did not feel grown up right now.
Gods, everything had been so clear to her before he showed up. As she dragged the lead blocks she called her feet forward, she tried to remember all the reasons why she was doing this. Why was she doing this again? It had been getting harder and harder to remember.
Oh right, her parents.
Mikan had been dreaming of going to Japan for more than half her life. Ever since she was old enough to understand the idea of death and that her parents were dead she had been trying to find answers. Answers that no one in America had.
When she was younger, she used to ask all sorts of questions about them and in typical adult behavior, they evaded her and told her a bunch of half-truths to keep her quiet. Of course, with little Mikan being her normal curious Mikan self, nothing ever kept her quiet for long. The questions kept coming and the older she got the less the answers made sense. Eventually, she cornered her grandparents and got as much of the truth out of them that they knew. Or a better way to say it was how little they knew, because they almost knew nothing.
That was when the nightmares started.
When a dragon dies they need someone to pray to the gods to guide their departing soul to the forever plains. Without it, their soul would aimlessly wander forever in limbo, unable to reunite with their loved ones. Or in the case of her parents, their true love.
For months after finally being told the truth she would have nightmares of her mother and father, whose faces she had only seen in photos, endlessly searching for each other. She already knew that her family had prayed for their souls but she would still dream of them adrift in the afterworld constantly needing the other and cursed to forever be apart. On rare nights when she did not dream of that, she would dream of a great nameless shadow. A shadowy blob that was strong enough to kill her father and scare her mother into swimming through the hazardous ocean currents while she was heavily pregnant with Mikan.
If her grandparents thought that was the end of her questions, they quickly found out that they were wrong. Now her need to find out what happened had begun to border on obsession. For reasons she could never properly explain, she was dead sure that she needed to go to Japan. That she was needed there. She had begun trying to find out all she could about Japan and its mystical beings.
When Tsubasa had roped his friend Kaname into creating a language spell so he could pass his Spanish test, Mikan was quick to use it for Japanese. Okay so she used it to pass her French and Spanish classes too, but primarily, she wanted to learn Japanese.
Mikan's preparations for visiting Japan were quite similar to how others in her family would plan and prepare for one of their thieving or smuggling jobs. She had wrung as much information as she could about Japan from her relatives and was trying to convince her grandparents to go when they came down hard on her.
Mikan had always thought that because Izumi was their son they would obviously want to go and find answers with her. So it came as quite a shock when they flatly refused to go and forbid her to go as well. How could they not want to find out what happened to their own son?
According to them, they had already put out some discreet inquiries through friends of friends and had found that Japan's mystical underworld had been undergoing a rather massive political upheaval. Whole clans were being taken over or wiped out; many mystical creatures had made a mass exodus from there and never looked back. As far as Mikan was concerned, that was all the more reason to find out what had happened. According to her grandparents however, that was all the more reason to not risk anyone else in their family.
After that Mikan had to keep quiet and wait. But that did not stop her from planning, of course. Oh no, she kept on planning, but now she had to keep her plans to herself. Admittedly, it was a lot more difficult than she expected. With her family always treating her like a baby incapable of functioning on her own and the unfortunate complication of several local air dragons taking an unhealthy interest in her, her family had been keeping an almost constant watch on her. It was really only now that she had any chance of getting away from them.
She had a right to know who she was and where she came from. She had a right to demand answers and justice or at the very least closure and possibly to properly lay them to rest. She would show everyone that she was not some helpless child that needed to be coddled and smothered and hidden away.
And then he showed up and made everything complicated.
From the moment she had left his side so very early this morning, she had felt miserable about it. And it wasn't just an emotional thing either. Along with guilt, one of the first things she noticed was how cold she felt. Being a sea dragon, she was supposed to be able to handle a little chill, especially in early summer. But then again being next to Natsume was so warm. The man was like a walking sun he gave off so much heat. And now the further she walked away from him, the colder she felt. She was fairly sure her teeth would start chattering soon. For the past hour she had felt like ice had been settling into her veins along with the lead blocks she called her feet. Her stomach felt twisted and nauseous and she had champion headache to top it off. It was safe to say she felt horrible. As if her whole body was protesting her current actions.
Yeah, well she found out last night what happened when she let her body do what it wanted.
A tiny flicker of heat seeped into her body and limbs as she remembered some of the more intimate parts of last night. She still could not believe she had slept with him! Well, sleeping probably wasn't the appropriate term. The only one who got any sleep was Natsume, but it had been too sweet and intimate to just call it sex. Love making? Well, she supposed so, but she was fairly sure Natsume would hardly see it that way. He would probably use something more vulgar like… fucking she thought with a small cringe.
Bleh, even just thinking about that word and what they had shared felt yucky and weird. Last night meant a lot to her. More than the fact that it was her first time. The truth was she wanted him to be her first. She wanted him to be her last for that matter, but she doubted that was going to happen. Sure the energies swirling through the water and through her might have sped things up a bit. Maybe it made her more inclined to let mind take a backseat while her body did the driving, but she was a grown up enough to admit that she was in control enough to stop him at anytime but she chose not to.
In the end, nothing happened that she did not want to happen. It warmed her to remember how he had been so incredibly considerate in trying to make it special for her. She may not have much experience in the romance department, but she was well aware of the fact that men did not always care if their partner had any pleasure. Natsume had made sure that last night was a memory that she would always treasure.
It was not until afterwards when she was lying next to him in bed that she started to get angry with herself.
Mikan was not here for a vacation romance with a cute local. One that could possibly be connected with whoever or whatever brought about her parents death. Her parents deserved better than that. The longer she lay there in bed the angrier she became with herself until finally she slipped away to finish what she started. At the time she reasoned that Natsume would not be all that upset by her leaving, if anything, he would probably be relieved.
How many times had she watched her uncles –or on occasion, aunts, and even a few cousins like Sumire- stroll into the house at breakfast time after a wild night out? They would boast about their various conquests with each other over pancakes, replaying details that Mikan would have rather not been privy to. If there was one common thread that she had learned, it was that the guy was always relieved to be rid of the girl after he had her. The chasing and the wanting were always better than the having. Natsume should be glad she did not get all clingy.
Trust Natsume to be difficult and not follow the rules.
Once again Mikan had to remind her legs to keep moving forward. She was being childish and she knew it. Natsume deserved better than her leaving like she did but it was too late to go back now. He was already angry with her. Although why he bothered following her was a mystery.
"Tch, you're not such a grown up woman after all are you?" the words echoed in her head again making her cringe.
Now if she could just get to some water, she would be free and clear and he would probably give up. At the moment she was stuck on some sort of overgrown, grassy back road that looked more like a trail. She was surrounded by trees on all sides, which was fine with her since she did not really want to be seen right now. Although given the number of rocks and roots that her heavy feet had already tripped on, she was starting to wish she had not chosen to avoid the roads. Not only that, but in several hours she would need to be in water again. The one thing she obviously could not return to was the ocean because that was where his clan lands were. Maybe she could find a town and catch a bus or taxi ride from there.
The young woman was trying to muddle her way out of her dilemma when her toes got caught up on yet another rock causing her to stumble to the ground. Because she was only in shorts and a t-shirt, she had a rather impressive collection of scrapes and bruises on her knees, arms and hands by now. As if I needed anything to make me feel worse. It would probably start raining next, although that would probably be a benefit to her, so maybe not.
Mikan got up, brushed herself off and started plodding forward again. She managed to get about twenty steps before she stumbled again but this time it was no rock or root that caused her to falter. Natsume was closing in on her. She was sure of it.
She made a half-hearted attempt to get her legs to pick up speed but that only resulted in something more akin to a drunken stagger than a run. With a growing feeling of unease, she looked up at the canopy of leaves above her, doubting that they would hide her if he recklessly opted for his dragon form.
Again she stumbled, this time due to a small dip in the ground and she grabbed on to a tree branch in order to stay on her feet. As the terrain became more unsteady, she was forced to watch the ground before her feet more and more to avoid falling. Because her attention was divided on walking and wondering where Natsume was, she did not notice the small clearing of trees until she was on top of it.
And there, across the clearing, stood Natsume, waiting for her as if he had been there for hours.
"Natsume." She whispered.
He was standing with his back leaning against the trunk of a tree with his arms crossed giving her an ambiguous look. His eyes were partially hooded, but she would be a fool if she did not believe his focus was entirely on her. With as much dignity as she could muster, she straightened her back and tried to walk casually into the clearing. It was not easy since the feelings of hurt and betrayal that had been weighing so heavily on her before were now scorching and stabbing at her making her want to drop to the ground and vomit all over it. It would be a wonder if her skin did not start blistering and bleeding because of his look.
Trying to summon up her courage, she gave him a smile that was probably more sickly than cheerful. "Natsume." She said with false enthusiasm. "Fancy meeting you here."
He did not even twitch an eyelash at her. He just stood there waiting for her to do something, staring at her with eyes that saw right through her. She was halfway across the clearing by now and the negative energy coming off of him was suffocating her. It hung in the air like a miasma and she almost could not move through it. "Is there something you want?" she asked in a shaking voice.
With that he pulled away from the tree trunk and started prowling towards her. She very nearly bolted in the other direction. "What I want to know is if it was fun for you." He said, with a dark and bitter tone.
"Fun?" she squeaked. What part of this seemed fun to him?
"Was it fun watching me make a fool of myself over you?" he clarified, and she failed to notice that the bitterness was directed at both her and him.
At first she was at a loss for words. The only one making a fool of themselves around here was her. She wished she had more experience with men because she really didn't know how to handle situations like this. Floundering desperately, she reached out for someone else's logic. The same logic she had been trying to use and comfort herself with. The logic that told her he should be relieved to be rid of her.
"Really Natsume," she tried for a lighthearted tone "I don't see where the problem is. We are both consenting adults with no previous attachments. As a man one would think you would be relieved. After all it's just se-" The sentence never got finished, but the last word hung in the air like she had said it. Sex.
Instead, her words were choked off by a hand wrapping around her throat dragging her down to slam her back into the ground. The impact was hard enough to make her see stars.
"Finish that sentence! I dare you!" He snarled at her, his voice barely passing for a human's "It's just sex is it? Is that what you want to say?" He growled, using a rather ugly emphasis on the word she never got to say. The hand around her throat was used to keep her pinned to the ground but she would not dare move. At this close distance she was able to get a good look at his face and eyes. Whoo boy, she was in real trouble.
Natsume was losing control of his dragon.
Along with his voice change, his pupils had turned into long slits and the red color had intensified and was leaching out to encompass the whole eye. His hands were starting to resemble claws, and several of his teeth were growing to very long points. The skin around the collar of his shirt was becoming mottled red patches as his dragon stain spread. The only way he could pass for human right now is if the observer was three quarters blind and looking at him from a distance.
If she were a normal girl, she would be screaming her head off in terror right about now.
Damn her and her traitorous body if she wasn't a little turned on just by the fact that he was pressed close against her. To make matters worse, she was still a dragon and the dragon within her was attracted to strong males. His little show of aggression regardless of his demonic appearance was making her purr excitedly. Since when did she become so sick and twisted?
Natsume was stretched out on top of her with one hand still around her throat and one thigh pressed between hers. His face was so close that every exhalation he hissed could be felt on her face. Even if she wanted to say something to defend herself, the grip on her throat made it hard to speak. She was going to end up with some ugly bruises after this, but she found herself not caring. Water could take care of it when the time came. Right now the only thing that held her focus was her lover.
At this close range, with their energies touching and as much physical contact as they had, Mikan could painfully tell he was no longer in his right mind and it burned her alive to know it. The guilt burned at her because she could feel his pain. Somehow without intending to, she had hurt him enough to force his more primal identity to lash out at the source of his pain. Which was evidently her, but now that they were close, there was another kind of burning and it was growing stronger in both of them.
Having lost control to his dragon and being pressed against her, Natsume was rapidly sliding into dragon lust. She could feel the change in his energy, the building tension sparked with violent flares inside of him. It should have burned her alive, but instead it called to her own dragon.
A mate calling a mate and Mikan could not have resisted the call even if she had been the least little bit inclined to.
When Mikan did not answer his question, Natsume spoke up again. "Is that what you wanted to say? Hm?" he asked with his no longer human sounding voice. He lowered his head so he was near her earlobe. She could hear him taking in deep inhaling breaths of her scent and he emitted a deep gravely hum. In return, she found herself doing something similar. It was hard not to smell him with him this close. His scent was spicy and a little sweet and she felt a strong urge to bite him.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt the hand that was holding her neck suddenly leave long enough to fly up her t-shirt, shove her bra aside and maul the soft flesh under it. Her whole body bucked in response, but Natsume must have mistaken her actions as an attempted escape.
"What's wrong?" he hissed darkly into her ear, "I thought this was just sex? Surely one more round won't make a difference?" he asked then dragged his tongue along her nape. By now his voice was a low grumble filled with menace and intent.
She could tell he was sinking fast into the dragon lust and he was dragging her down with him. There was still a small part of her that was afraid of him because she knew the Natsume now was capable of a lot more than the Natsume from several hours ago. But she was not the Mikan from several hours ago either. She knew now what his body could do to hers and even in this violent state, she wanted him.
And although she could never properly explain it, she trusted him.
She trusted that he would never seriously hurt her, even while under the influence of dragon lust. She was not some weak human. She could handle -wanted to handle- whatever he could give.
His wayward hand left her top to drop to her shorts. By now it had no patience with fasteners like buttons or zippers. A set of claws, a sharp painful jerk, followed by a telltale ripping sound, and her shorts along with her underwear, were history.
Up around her head, Natsume was running a trail of abrasive kisses along her neck and shoulder. They might have been tender if it were not for the fact that some of his teeth were no longer shaped for a human mouth. His fangs scraped and scored at her skin with every kiss. It was like a sensation within a sensation that made the experience all the more heightened.
Her arms had been lying uselessly on the ground by her sides until now. Not that they would have done her any good, even if she could have pushed him off and ran, that would have just excited the predator in him more. Instinctively, she moved one hand to rake through his hair while the other clutched tightly at his shoulder, her nails digging deep. Natsume let loose a guttural groan and was completely taken over by his dragon's lust.
Mikan had just enough time to weave together their energies before everything blended into this massive haze of mutual need. A need that was speckled with flashes of rough, even brutal aggression. For once in her life Mikan was glad she was not a normal woman because it was unlikely she would have survived. She felt like she was hovering on the razor edge between pleasure and pain. But because it was Natsume she was with, and because she needed and trusted him, because she had come to care deeply about him, she stayed firmly on the ecstasy side of that line.
Finally, Mikan let out a scream that probably scared every living thing in a kilometer radius. Her scream was followed closely by a satisfied growl from him before they collapsed in a heap gasping for air.
It took a few minutes for the pair of them to recollect their wits after that adventurous ride. Mikan almost regretted her returning awareness because she felt a bit bruised and battered. She vaguely recalled her uncle Akira or 'Tono' as they liked to call him, talking over breakfast one time about the 'wild cat' he had been dating. At the time Mikan did not quite understand the reference, but she sure did now.
Still partially on top of her, Natsume started to stir. She could tell from his energy that he was still a little dazed, but was quickly coming back to himself. He levered himself up on both palms to look down at her with glassy eyes and she was pleased to see that his handsome features had returned to normal.
Mikan watched him intently, worried what his reaction would be. Natsume blinked at her a few times and she could see the change in his eyes go from disoriented to confused, then watched as awareness crept in. He finished off with an expression of horror and tried to push himself off her, but Mikan stopped him by grabbing two fistfuls of his hair and dragging him down to kiss her.
She had messed things up between them enough. There was no way in hell she was going to let him beat himself up for this when she was clearly a willing participant. It was true that the situation might not have been ideal, but she was quickly learning that there may never be ideal times between them and she would take any time she could get.
She had been an idiot to run from him before. Although her parents deserved her attention, it was time for her to face what she had been hiding from since she left Natsume in bed. Something she had been afraid to face but the dragon in her had clearly already chosen. It was quite possibly… maybe… likely… that she might have fallen for him. Gods, even in her head she had trouble admitting it. But the facts were there even if she did not want to admit it.
Natsume was the one. And that just complicated matters to the nth degree.
Mikan coaxed, urged and even tried to force his mouth into returning her kiss and for a few moments she was successful. But then he gently pried her arms off of him and moved off of her. He pulled back to his knees so he could readjust himself and his clothes, but when he saw the state she was in and what was left of her clothes he jumped to his feet to pace angrily. Anger, guilt and remorse began to churn violently within him.
"Dammit Mikan! I didn't want it to be like this!" he yelled, not stopping in his pacing to look at her.
It did not take a genius to know that she was romantically challenged. What she understood about romance was what she saw in movies and books where everything is all nice and neatly scripted with a guaranteed happy ending. Well someone must have forgotten to send her script, because words like 'I was stupid', 'I'm sorry' or 'I love you' felt pretty lame and inadequate right now but it was all she had. She would just have to wing it for the rest.
She eased herself up into a sitting position and could not help the little hiss of pain. She felt sore all over. A stray thought caused her to wonder how Hotaru and her mate preferred aggressive love making over the sweeter varieties. Sure it had its appeal when you were doing it, but you sure paid for it later. Maybe she was doing something wrong? She would have to try and find time to ask the woman.
Natsume heard her and stopped to look at her only to have his expression turn into one of revulsion.
"Natsume, whatever you are thinking, stop." She had to head off any self recriminations on his part.
"What would you know of what I am thinking?" he asked turning away from her effectively closing himself off from her. It hurt, but she supposed she deserved that.
"I know enough to know you are trying to punish yourself for what just happened and I'm telling you, you did nothing wrong."
"Nothing wrong! Look at you! Any idiot who walked up on us right now would have me hauled off to the nearest police station!" He yelled at her over his shoulder, refusing to look at her. "Would you just hurry up and put some clothes on?"
She blindly reached for her backpack and retrieved some shorts and underwear from another zipper locked bag. "I'm not the only one with marks on them Natsume." She said. And it was true. When he turned his back on her she was a little surprised to find that she had clawed right through his shirt and left bleeding welts on his back.
"That just makes it look like you were defending yourself. Now get dressed." He said quietly. Mikan was almost fully clothed before she noticed his head drop forward. His words were so soft she was not sure she was supposed to hear it. "If you know so much about me, then why, Mikan?"
"I was stupid."
He let loose a bitter snort "You were stupid? Is that the best you can do? I thought we were more than this! I thought… forget what I thought."
Tears that she had been holding all morning started to slip out. She could just scream for how much of his trust she had lost. She deserved it, but that did not stop it from hurting. "I'm sorry." Was the only thing she could think of at the moment. Well there was that one other thing, but she doubted he would believe her right now.
He gave another derisive laugh. "Yeah, right, you're sorry. I'm guessing this is one of your reasons that you talked about earlier?" he asked, braving to look at her over his shoulder. When he saw that she was dressed, he turned to face her completely. He saw her look of surprise and rolled his eyes at her.
"I'm not an idiot Mikan, You are clearly here for a reason. One that I'm guessing your family was not happy about or they would not have come so fast to get you back. So what is it? Where you going to try and get into the family business and steal something? Did you get into trouble on one of you smuggling jobs? What was so important that I can get tossed away like used trash?" he asked scathingly.
The words were designed to hurt her, and they struck true to their target. Mikan gave up trying to console herself with the knowledge that he was hurt and was lashing out and that she deserved it. Instead she got mad and yelled the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm here to find out who killed my parents!"
Tbc
Well all right, now Natsume is almost up to speed.
For those of you with delicate sensibilities who were alarmed by the rape undertones in this chapter, I'm not really going to apologize. I did try to warn you at the beginning of this chapter. Natsume is not human and he is not perfect. I've been trying to hint from the beginning that this was something he was capable of. The only thing I might be sorry for is if my earlier hints were too subtle.