Scfilover – thanks for reading. I love Xanatos as a character and the others who will pop up along the way.

Kamai6 – Thanks

Chapter 2

"Xanatos."

The softly spoken name was but a whisper, floating lightly in the air, somewhere between dream and sleep. The voice was not familiar but instantly filled him with a sense of safety, warmth, and contentment. He knew the voice yet he didn't.

"Wake up Xanatos."

The fallen Jedi blinked his eyes open to a room that should have been dark save the moonlight coming through the curtains yet he could see everything plainly. A bright glow coming from behind him engulfed the room. Stretching out with his senses, Xanatos noted that he was not alone. His heart began to beat heavily in his chest.

"Don't be afraid," he heard as a warm hand swept stray locks of raven hair out of his face.

He quickly turned, all hope that his previous encounter with his father had been a nightmare or an alcohol-induced illusion dashed, and faced the form of a young woman seated on the edge of his sleep couch. Whereas his father had been gaunt and pale, sickly and tortured, this new apparition was beautiful to behold, surrounded by a warm, ethereal glow. Long, dark hair fell around her shoulders and roses touched her cheeks. She looked at him through sparkling sapphires and the mere sight of her gentle smile began to melt the stone he called a heart.

"I am not afraid," Xanatos said in an awed whisper, finding he was quite the opposite. "How could I be?"

"I am glad, Little One," she said, a perpetual smile touching her eyes as her voice grew stern and serious. "Cherish this time because before this night is through you will see many things that will bring you to fear."

"Why do you call me Little One?" Xanatos questioned.

"What else would I call you?" she asked softly.

Xanatos drew in a harsh breath, recognition finally coming. How often had he seen the image before him throughout his home, in his father's office, even in his room as a child?

"You are my mother?"

The apparition said nothing, still smiling as she pushed another errant lock from his face and then pressed her hand to his cheek. Warmth penetrated to his soul.

Xanatos had indulged himself often enough in acts of physical intimacy over the years, yet it seemed ages since he had experienced true affection, the touch of someone who genuinely cared for him, not since … he put the idea from his mind. The past was best left buried where it belonged – in the past.

"I can feel your touch," he said, lamenting the loss of intoxicating warmth as she drew her hand away. "How is that?"

"I am not a spirit as your father was. I am the guardian of your past taking this form."

"The guardian of my past? What does that mean?"

"Come … take my hand," she said gently. "Our time is short and I have much to show you."

Xanatos reached for the hand, eager to feel his mother's touch again. She led him through the house to what he recognized as his office. The door opened, giving him pause. This was not his office.

His father, Crion Marojni, sat behind the desk, furiously mulling over a stack of datapads. A young boy stood by the window, a scowl wrenching his face as he looked across an endless landscape of white snow. Xanatos turned and looked at his mother before returning his attention to the scene before him.

"Father, the snow is new. Can I go outside?"

"Not now, Xanatos," Crion said, not looking up from his work. "We are leaving soon and the last thing I need is for you to get wet and dirty."

"Where are we going?" the boy asked. There was a hint of hope in his voice that would soon be dashed.

"I have business ..."

"How much work could you have, Father?" the boy protested quickly. "The Kish Festival begins tomorrow."

"Only on Telos … my business is off world."

Xanatos watched as his younger version of threw himself into one of the chairs. Arms crossed over his chest the boy proceeded to scowl at his father. Though the specifics of this memory were not apparent to him, it could have been any year. They were all the same. It was strange how the disappointment still affected him. If his father had only listened, at least once.

Crion finally let out an irritated sigh.

"What is it that you want, Son?"

"To go somewhere … do something. Muyeo and his family are going to the Iesa province to watch the sky lanterns."

"Maybe next year …"

"That's what you said last year … that's what you always say …" the boy whined.

"What do you expect me to do, Xanatos? I would leave you here but your governess has the week off …"

"Yeah, because of festival …"

"I don't have time for a tantrum," Crion thundered.

"Just leave me alone," the boy spat out bitterly, practically vibrating with anger.

It was then that Xanatos began to remember the significance of this particular incident.

"Xanatos … you will not use that tone of voice with me …"

"Leave me alone!"

A red-faced Crion stood and made a move for his son only to cover his head as the lights in the room shattered in unison and a few of his precious datapads were launched through the window.

"What happened?" Crion asked, a hint of fear in his voice as he looked down at his son.

The boy, looking pale from shock, opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "I'm sorry." The words came out in a squeak as frightened eyes surveyed the room. "It just happened."

The image faded, leaving Xanatos standing in his own empty office.

"He was scared of me after that," Xanatos murmured. "Hell, I think I was scared of me after that."

The apparition said nothing as Xanatos let loose of her hand and wandered over to the desk.

"I don't think father ever quite got over losing you. He was always distant." Xanatos leaned against his desk. Always a private person, he found it strange that it was so easy to open up. "Don't get me wrong, I never wanted for anything – I was downright spoiled." Xanatos let out a chuckle and pulled his robe closer around his body against a phantom chill. "I wonder if I reminded him too much of what he lost ... you. When he allowed the Jedi to take me, I couldn't help but feel that he was getting rid of a burden."

"But your childhood wasn't always this cold, was it?" the ghost posed.

Xanatos closed his eyes, not liking where the line of reasoning was going. The only happy memories that came after this were bittersweet, better to remain locked away.

A gust of breeze tousled his hair causing him to open his eyes. The scenery had changed again. They now stood at the edge of a forest. He took a step, bare feet crunching into deep snow but strangely he was not cold.

"Where is this?"

The sound of his own voice caused him to pause as he turned toward yet another scene.

"Over here, Master!"

Xanatos saw his adolescent self running, a braid proudly slapping along his shoulder. The boy ducked behind a large tree and began to hastily form a large ball of snow.

Apprehension mixed with anger bubbled in Xanatos' belly. Where Padawan Xanatos Marojni had been, Qui-Gon Jinn had never been far behind. Sure enough, the Jedi master emerged from the trees, a smile twisting leonine features.

"I must say, you are putting up a splendid shielding effort, Padawan," the tall man teased. "But do you really think I don't know where you are?"

The answer was a large ball of snow launched through the air that Qui-Gon stopped a good two feet from his face. The ball hovered in the hair as Qui-Gon inched towards where his apprentice was hiding, a mischievous grin never leaving his face. When the boy was in sight, Qui-Gon directed the snow ball back to him, leaving a dusting of snow across the boy's robe.

"Not fair, you used the Force," Xanatos accused.

"I am a Jedi. The Force is my ally."

"Doesn't a snowball fight fall under frivolous use?"

"Battle never does," Qui-Gon said seriously as he squatted down and began to form another ball.

The boy growled out a curse, one that had probably been addressed later, as he quite comically dove for cover behind a tree. The onslaught of snowballs came quickly and furiously, the boy only launching one to every ten of his master's. The battle continued until both Jedi were covered in snow and the sun had begun to sink behind the mountains. They both collapsed to sit down next to each other in the snow.

"Not bad considering I have much more experience at snowball fighting," Qui-Gon said, placing a hand to his apprentice's shoulder.

Xanatos didn't miss the way his younger self leaned into the touch. Oh how he had craved every show of affection and every word of approval bestowed on him by Qui-Gon Jinn. Watching the close pair before him was enough to set him at war with himself.

"Look, Master."

In the distance, the first of a multitude of glowing lanterns had started their ascent into the sky.

"The children of Iesa write their hopes and wishes for the future and send them off in their lantern. It's been the custom of this province of Telos for hundreds of years."

"It's beautiful," Qui-Gon, always one to appreciate the beauty in the simple, remarked.

"Yeah, more beautiful than I ever imagined it would be," Xanatos murmured.

"You've never been here before, Padawan? Surely …"

"Father never celebrated this festival," was all the boy said, not caring to elaborate. "Thank you for bringing me."

"It was my pleasure, Padawan. Thank you for sharing this with me."

The pair stood from the snow, watching as the sky filled with lanterns.

"We should be getting back," Qui-Gon finally said. "The Council said that they already have another mission for us."

"No rest for the weary, huh?"

"You don't seriously want to lounge around the Temple, do you?" Qui-Gon asked. "You would be complaining that you were bored within a day."

"You know me too well, Master," the boy said with a laugh.

"Better than you know yourself at times, Padawan," Qui-Gon said, giving his apprentice's braid a gentle tug. "Come on, let's go."

The pair walked off, leaving Xanatos a jumble of conflicting emotions. It was easier to hate his former mentor when he didn't remember the times before – when they were friends – when Qui-Gon had been the father figure he had always wanted.

"You threw his love away," the ghost accused.

"You are mistaken," Xanatos snapped with an edge to his voice that warned her to leave well enough alone. "He betrayed me."

"You chose a father who used you and cared little for you over one who cherished you …"

"You understand very little … the matter was not simple at all …"

"Was it?"

"Qui-Gon Jinn murdered my father!" Xanatos roared.

The scene blurred, darkening, changing and suddenly they found themselves in a place Xanatos didn't want to be. A fire crackled in a nearby fire place and the muted sounds of two men arguing suddenly came into focus.

"No," Xanatos protested hoarsely as he looked away. "I don't want to be here."

"I am sorry, Little One," the ghost said gently, placing a warm hand to Xanatos's cheek before directing his attention to the scene before him.

Xanatos watched the argument play out, his father foolishly lunging toward the Jedi master, the efficient and fatal blow and his own enraged cry as he knelt down next to his father's dead and bloodied body.

"Xanatos," Qui-Gon began with a shaky voice.

"You killed him!" Xanatos accused.

"He attacked. I had no choice."

"Murderer," the young man spat out, looking up at his mentor with rage-clouded eyes.

"You're not yourself, Padawan," Qui-Gon began. "You haven't been for some days."

"Or perhaps I am myself for the first time." Xanatos reached out and retrieved his father's ring from where it had rolled in to the fireplace. His eyes were still crazed with darkness as he picked up the ring and pressed it against his cheek.

"What are you doing?" Qui-Gon's words were heavy with desperation.

"Reminding myself of your betrayal … Master …"

"My betrayal," Qui-Gon whispered. "Your father has betrayed you … he's killed thousands … you're a Jedi …"

"Not any more," Xanatos said dangerously as he stood and ignited his saber.

"Please don't … take me away," Xanatos begged, sinking to his knees.

His younger self lunged at Qui-Gon, driving him back in an attack powered by pure seething rage. He remembered only too well. His master's pleas for him to come to his senses before Qui-Gon was finally forced to go on the offensive and then his saber being knocked away, leaving his life in his former master's hands.

He had seen devastation looking back at him in that moment, Qui-Gon's love for him the only reason he remained alive. In response, he had laughed and run away.

"Please …" Xanatos whispered.

The scene mercifully faded carrying Xanatos back to his own chamber. The apparition eased him up to the side of his sleep couch before helping him to lie down.

"You should rest now," she said softly, covering him with blankets.

"You won't be here when I wake, will you?" he whispered, already mourning the loss of her warmth. He knew his soul would be cold again without it.

"No, Little One. My place is in the past," she said. "Another will come to be your guide. Now sleep."

His eyes grew heavy as she pressed her lips to his forehead and sent him into a deep sleep.