AUTHOR'S NOTE: PLEASE READ:
Okay, if there are any old readers reading this, I just want to apologize for my long absence. I had a looot of stuff going on and now I plan on making regular updates. If anyone has forgotten where this story left off- here's a few quick things to refresh your memory -
Riley asked Zoey to be with him in the last chapter.
Zoey's mom pretty much hates Riley and refuses to let her see him outside of school.
Zoey confesses her secrets to her mother.
Zoey will be getting a therapist.
There will be a new character coming into the next chapter (Jessica)
Also, sorry that my dialogue is ridiculously long and this chapter is pretty long, but I was trying to make up for my absence.
There is so many chapters that I have to add- I mean a looot. This story is far from over, but I need reviews, so if anyone is reading please review because it lets me know that my story doesn't suck ass.
Art class had recently ended. We finally presented our projects that we were assigned weeks ago and even though we had the partner switch up, it turned out quite well for the both of us. Later on, after 6th period ended, I made my way out of the classroom and decided to wait for Riley. Last night when I tried to reach him, his phone went straight to voice mail, leaving me unable to tell him the bad news. After watching six other students walk out the classroom, I finally spotted Riley, who quickly noticed me standing by the wall.
"Wassup?" He asked walking over to me.
"I sent you a text last night, but you didn't reply…" I responded, waiting for his answer.
"Oh, my bad. My cell phone went dead last night.. I forgot to charge it. So, what's going on?"
I let out a deep sigh before explaining myself. "My mother said...I can't be friends with you anymore; she thinks you're a bad influence"
He let out a light laugh. "What a surprise" he said, sarcastically.
"So, you're not upset…?" I asked.
"Nah, why would I be? She's just looking out for you. Plus I'm still gonna see you whether she wants me to or not.."
"You mean at school, right?"
He shook his head. "No, I mean I'll see you whenever. Whether it's at school, my house, or your house"
My face quickly changed from normal to confused. "Okay, so did you not just hear what I said about my mother not wanting me to see you?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to listen, right? There's plenty of ways to still see each other."
"..and how is that?" I questioned.
"You see Zoey, there's this thing called lying. It helps you get away with shit"
I laughed and playfully pushed him. "You don't have to be a smart ass". I paused for a moment and thought to myself "how in the world was I going to lie to my mother?" The only thing I knew was how to hide secrets; secrets were easy to hide because you didn't have to say one word. Speaking wasn't necessary, just silence.
"Riley, I don't think I can do this. I'm just not good with lying."
"Trust me Zoey. It's not that hard—shit, I do it all the time with my granddad."
"It still doesn't make it right" I muttered beneath my breath.
"Okay Miss goody two shoes—you have any bright ideas?" He asked.
I stood there quietly for a second, trying to think of a plan, but I had nothing. "I…I can't think of anything"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought." he boasted. "Now here's my plan.." he said rubbing his hands together. "All you have to do is tell your mom you're meeting a friend at the Woodcrest fair…Friday evening"
I stood there, waiting for more words to come from his mouth, but there was nothing else for him to say. I thought there would be more to his so called great plan. I couldn't believe how easy he thought this would be, as if my mother would really fall for that nonsense.
"Is there really going to be a fair?" I asked. I was never up to date with the events that went on around this place.
"Yeah, it starts Friday and ends Sunday. There's gonna be rides, food, and all that good shit"
"—so all you have to do is tell your mom you're meeting a friend and we'll meet up at the fair" He said continuing on.
I shook my head silently, disagreeing with his idea. "It's not that simple, Riley. You don't know my mother like I do. She'll ask me a ton of questions like who's your friend? What's their name? When did you meet them?— This isn't going to work."
"Well, what about Cindy?" he asked. "You can invite her over to your house, introduce her to your mom, and tell her she's your friend."
I laughed at his terrible thought of an idea. "I'll pass on that one." I said rolling my eyes while folding my arms. "I don't want to be bothered with her and I'm sure she doesn't want to be bothered with me."
"Speak of the devil" I muttered as I noticed Cindy walking towards us. She smiled at Riley and then at me.
"Hey Zoey," Cindy waved cheerily. I could almost vomit from her fakeness because it was just that sickening to me. "I have to steal Riley away from you for a bit..gotta ask him something" she said , grabbing on to his arm. Riley turned his head the opposite direction of hers, as if he were annoyed.
"Well, actually I was having a conversation with Zoey" Riley replied.
"Oh, go ahead. It's fine. I have to get to class anyway before the bell rings." I said, walking off. I couldn't stand to be around her another minute.
Later that evening, while at home, I laid in bed, browsing the web on my laptop and decided to send an email to Bradley. I asked him if he wanted to go with me to the Woodcrest fair on Friday as an excuse to see Riley. I wasn't too fond of the idea, but I thought it was worth a shot. Seconds later, after realizing what I had just done, I quickly regretted sending Bradley the email. What if he thought I was some slut just trying to hook up with him or something?—It definitely wasn't my intention. Thirty minutes later, I received an email back from Bradley, telling me that he would love to go. I let out a sigh and smiled of relief. His message seemed genuine, unfortunately, mine wasn't.
I suddenly heard a knock on my door. "Come in" I said, continuing to check my email. My mother walked into the room, looking at me silently.
"Is there something wrong, mom?" I asked curiously.
"No, I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing."
"I'm fine .You don't have to worry about me cutting myself anymore if that's what you're thinking about."
"What did you eat today?" She asked, walking closer towards me. She then took a seat next to me on the bed.
"Why are you asking me this? I told you I'm fine."
"I know sweetheart, but I still need to know what you ate today."
I sighed heavily, feeling annoyed by her concern. "I ate some oatmeal, an apple, and a salad…"
"That's still not enough calories, Zoey"
"I know mom. I'm trying, but you can't expect me to change within a day"
She didn't reply back to me, just looked at me with her sad eyes. Since she didn't have much to say, I thought to myself that this would be the perfect time to tell her about Bradley.
"Mom, can I go to the Woodcrest fair on Friday with a friend?"
My mother's sad eyes quickly widened and a look of concern appeared on her face. "Who's the friend? I hope you're not talking about that Riley boy."
I shook my head. "No, it's one of my old middle school friends. His name is Bradley Cooper and he asked me if I wanted to go. He said his mom would pick me up and everything, so you'll get a chance to meet him"
"How old is he?" she questioned.
"He's the same age as me. Mom, trust me, you don't have to worry. He's such a gentleman and I totally need to get out of this house and have some fun anyway"
She gave me a slight smile, nodding her head. "Okay, fine, but I want him to pick you up at an early time and I want you back home at 9:30 pm"
"…..Can we just drop it down to 10:00?" I begged
"Do you want me to make it 9:00 instead?" she asked.
"Okay…9:30 it is" I replied
::Riley Freeman::
Zoey and I sat next to each other while working on some definitions in Art class. Mrs. Abigail decided to let the students partner up for the class assignment. I wasn't paying attention though. I was too busy looking at Zoey, wondering to myself when she was going to answer my question about being with me. I could have easily brought up the conversation, but I didn't feel like being rejected. Maybe I was just good enough to be a friend and nothing more. I watched her as she flipped through pages of her dictionary book, I guess she realized I was watching because she stopped and looked at me with a curious stare.
"Why aren't you looking up your definitions?" she asked, glancing at my notebook, which only had 4 definitions written down compared to her 20.
"We could work on that later. right now, I'm just focused on you." I said, playing with her curly hair. "You know this is the only time I get to see you, since your mom doesn't want me around."
"Well, maybe you'll get to see me on Friday…" she said smiling.
"You mean at the fair?" I asked.
"Yeah, my mom said I could go as long as it wasn't with you.."
"So, you're going by yourself?"
"No, Bradley's taking me…we're just going as friends" she said innocently.
I became disgusted in a matter of seconds by her reply. "You're talkin about that lame nigga that was tryna holla at the movies?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah—him… Like I said before, we're just going as friends. I only asked him to bring me so I could see you…I thought you would be happy about it"
"I am…I just don't understand why you have to bring that lame ass nigga."
"Because my mother will know something is up if I go to the fair by myself. Would you rather me go with Bradley or not go at all?"
"Both of your choices are fucked up, but I guess I'll go with option 1" I replied disappointedly.
Zoey Anderson ::The Fair::
I paced back and forth through my room in my bra and underwear ; my heart was racing out of anxiety. Bradley would be over here within 40 minutes and I was beginning to regret even asking him to go with me. I walked by my closet and pulled out a grey crochet sweater that my mother bought from French Connection. I decided to pair it with some black shorts, black knee high socks and black doc martens boots. I just wanted to keep it simple. I didn't want Bradley to get the wrong idea about our friendly date. After putting on my effortless outfit, I opted to wear my curly hair in a loose messy bun and headed down the stairs. Of course my mother was already down in the living room, waiting for Bradley to arrive as well. She was more anxious to see him than I was.
"I see you're finally wearing that sweater I bought you" my mother said, smiling.
"Yeah, I'm trying to get out of the whole black wardrobe thing."
Before I could even make another sentence, the doorbell ringed. I just stood there and didn't make a move.
"You're not going to answer the door?" my mother asked curiously.
I shook my head from side to side. "Can you get it please? I'm kind of nervous" I said, taking a few steps further back. I watched as my mother answered the door; I observed the look on her face and could easily tell she was quite fond of his physical appearance by her genuine smile. The fact that he had short curly hair and didn't dress in oversized clothing was a plus for her as well. As Bradley walked further into the house, he looked over at me and smiled.
"You look lovely Zoey"
"Thanks…you look nice too" I replied with a smile, but I was actually thinking of the way Riley would have worded that sentence. "You look Lovely" would have been translated to "You look good as fuck". I chuckled to myself just thinking about it. Bradley didn't pay any mind to my laughter. He thought I was just tickled that he gave me a compliment, which I could honestly care less about.
"So, are you ready to go?" he asked
I nodded my head and looked back towards my mother. "Bye mom, see you at 9:30"
We made our way out of the door and I saw a silver Mercedes sitting outside. It was his mother, waiting patiently for us. "You like the car?" Bradley asked with a smirk on his face.
I paused for a second and then nodded my head. "Yeah...it's nice" I replied blandly. Truthfully speaking, I found Mercedes cars to be overrated and guys who try to impress you with money or vehicles that technically isn't theirs, was an even bigger turn off.
After making it to the fair, my eyes wandered around, observing everything from the rides to the games and the people surrounding them. It was also nice to see family together, enjoying themselves. Unfortunately, I never was one to experience a happy household, I noticed a few teens hugged up on each other. It made me think of Riley. I began looking for him while Bradley kept trying to grab my hand. I would always pull away though and act as if I was fixing my hair. We hadn't got on any rides yet since we had just arrived. I pulled out my cell phone and decided to text Riley to see where he was.
"Wow, you're texting already? I must be really boring" Bradley teased.
I made a slight laugh. "No, I was just letting my mother know I made it to the fair." I said, lying of course.
"Oh, okay…so you wanna go on some rides?" He asked. I looked back down at my phone since I got a quick reply from Riley and then looked back at Brad.
"Um, how about we play some games first? Maybe you can win me a prize?" I asked, giving him a small grin.
"Sweetheart, I'd win more than just a prize for you" said Bradley. He grabbed my hand, leading me to the game section.
As we walked over, I noticed Riley playing one of the basketball games called *Shooting Glory*, but he wasn't alone. It was Cindy standing right next to him, cheering him on as he made every basket. I rolled my eyes in disgust and walked over towards them while Bradley followed behind me.
"Bout time you made it here, I've been thinking bout you all day." Riley, said walking closer to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me a little closer, giving me a soft kiss on lips. Before I couldn't even speak, Bradley walked towards us. His face was covered with confusion.
"Zoey, what's going on?" Bradley asked agitated. "I thought you and I were on a date?"
Riley began to laugh. "Nah, nigga… You got it all wrong. She's with me"
"I think I can speak for myself, Riley" I said in light tone. I looked towards Bradley and let out a heavy sigh. "Bradley I-I really just—it's kind of hard to explain…you see I just-."
"Obviously, you can't speak for yourself" Riley said, interrupting my sentence. "Look, long story short. She doesn't really like you. She just used you to get to me, alright?"
My eyes quickly widened from Riley's rude choice of words. "That's not true…I just wanted to—"
"Just answer this simple question Zoey." Bradley replied in a serious tone. "Did you really use me to see him?" He asked, pointing towards Riley.
I sighed and shook my head. "I'm so Sorry Bradley. I just wanted to—"
"Don't worry about it" Bradley quickly interrupted. "You're here now. You got what you wanted, so I guess I can leave." He said, walking off. I begun to follow him to try and explain, but Riley grabbed my arm, stopping me.
"Just let that nigga go. Huey's here with Jazmine; he can bring you home." Riley said.
"What about my mother?" I asked, nervously pacing around. "She's expecting Bradley's mom to take me home. I'm basically fucked." I responded, putting both hands on my head. I began to panic just thinking about how badly this situation could turn out.
"Don't worry about that." Riley said, rubbing my shoulder. "Let's just try and have a good time, alright? We can think of something later" Riley encouraged, putting his arm around my waist. I looked at Cindy, who was standing a few feet back, observing us from a distance.
"Did you bring Cindy as your date?" I asked in a low tone. I didn't want her to know I was secretly talking about her.
"No, she came with her friends…why? You're jealous or something?" Riley asked.
"…No…I just…..okay, maybe a little bit"
"Well, you have nothing to be jealous about. I only want you…too bad you don't feel the same way"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, giving him a puzzled look.
"I'm talking about me and you being together. It's been days since I asked you to be with me and you're acting like it never happened at all…"
"I'm not acting like it never happened." I said, raising my voice slightly. I toned it down when I got a few stares from people walking pass us. "I just don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship, just talking about it makes feel weird, Riley."
"Well, you'll never know unless you give it a try…right?" he asked, placing his hand into mine. The look on his face was genuine; I really didn't understand what he saw in me, but I would be a fool to pass up an opportunity like this- I finally met a guy who actually cared about me and thought I was a beautiful person with scars and all, so what was I so afraid off?
"….I want to be with you, Riley" I said awkwardly, waiting for his reply, but he didn't speak. He just looked at me silently as if he were trying to figure something out.
"It doesn't sound like you mean it" He disappointedly replied.
I took a step back and looked at him annoyed. "What do you mean it doesn't sound like I mean it? Of course I mean it." I responded slightly aggravated. "If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't have lied to my mother and I wouldn't have bothered coming to this fair."
I quickly turned around and walked off. I was a little pissed and didn't feel like talking anymore. It seemed like this was becoming a routine, having stupid arguments over the smallest things and we weren't even a couple. I decided to take a walk around the fair by myself and ended up sitting down by the food court alone, how ironic? I wasn't alone for too long though, about 10 minutes later, I heard a female voice.
"I found your friend" she said. I knew that annoying voice anywhere. It was Cindy, once again, following behind Riley like a little puppy dog. I sighed, feeling annoyed by her presence. Riley walked towards my table and took a seat across from me, while Cindy stood by the table observing.
Riley turned towards her. "Cindy, can we get a little privacy?" he asked politely. She rolled her eyes and walked away. "So...about what I said earlier…you know I was trippin' right?" Riley asked, with a smirk on his face, but I wasn't in a smiling mood.
"Indeed, you were trippin' I said, while rolling my eyes. "You must have been on your man period or something…"
He looked puzzled by my response and later replied. "Nah, I just really like you and It would be kind of fucked up if you didn't feel the same way, that's all…"
I thought silently to myself "Yeah…he's definitely on his man period"
"Well, I do feel the same way, Riley. It's just …I feel that I'll just end up scaring you away with all of my problems." I responded back sadly.
"You don't run from problems; you solve them" He replied, touching my hand. I smiled in the midst of the moment, but was interrupted by a loud rumbling noise in my stomach. I could tell by the look on Riley's face, he heard it as well.
"Are you hungry?" he asked curiously, looking down at my stomach.
"Physically? Yes…Mentally? Not at all" I answered, turning my head to side. I tended to avoid eye contact with people when forced with awkward situations or conversations dealing with things I just didn't feel comfortable talking about.
"Come on, Zoey. You're at a fair and this is just one day, so why not enjoy yourself?"
"When it comes to food…I just can't." I replied in a dull tone with my head down.
"Well, there's no need to look all sad and shit, drowning in your sorrows. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You say you want to change, but you're not even trying."
'I looked back up, giving him eye contact. "I am trying—sorry if it's not enough for you, but maybe you can find some other girl out there that can meet your standards."
"I don't want some other girl." He stated sternly.
I looked at him for a few seconds silently. I believed his thoughts were truly genuine, but he was just a young boy and I was just young girl. Our thoughts could easily change with the slightest action.
"Riley, you're just a 14 year old boy and I'm just a 15 year old girl. You say you don't want some other girl, but in reality, you don't know what you want."
"It's not like that Zoey. The thoughts that go through my mind about you have never happened with any other girl, not even with Cindy and I've known her for years."
My mind fluttered with thoughts as I began to ask another question. "But, what if we …"
"Wait, just hear me out Zoey" Riley said quickly, interrupting me from finishing. "All I'm asking is for you to give us a chance. If it doesn't work out, then fine…break up with me, but if you just—"
I decided to interrupt him with a kiss, which lasted for a while. I didn't need to hear anything else he had to say. My decision was made and my kiss was the answer.
"So, I'll take that as a yes?" he asked.
I nodded my head and smiled.
A few minutes later Riley and I decided to go on the Ferris wheel since I never been on one before or any other kind of rides for that matter. The Ferris wheel was pretty high and I was a little nervous, but I decided to go through with it. Of course Riley and I sat together. I watched as the man began to the pull the lever to start the ride, my heart raced as I began to take a deep breath. I could hear Riley laughing next to me.
"What's so funny?" I asked, turning towards him.
"You're acting like you're getting on a roller coaster or somthing. It's a Ferris wheel Zoey…just relax"
As I was about to reply back, I felt the ride began to move. We began to rise higher and higher by the second. "Just relax" I said to myself in a low voice, trying to calm myself down.
"You want me to help you Relax?" Riley asked.
I looked at him slightly confused. "…I don't think there's any way you can"
"Are you sure about that?" He asked, touching my face softly. Before I could I even answer, his lips were touching mine and with that, we began to kiss. The funny thing is that I actually did forget about everything: the ride, my fear, the people watching us from below. I didn't care; all I cared about was kissing him and I didn't want to stop—that was until I felt Riley's hand rubbing against my inner thigh. I grabbed his hand, placing it back towards him.
"What are you doing?" I asked, slightly baffled by his gesture.
He made a nervous laugh. "Oh, my bad…I guess I just got a little carried away."
As I was about to respond, I heard the sound of two young boys giggling. Riley and I both turned our heads back at the same time, looking up above us. They looked to be around the age of 10.
"Dude, you got REJECTED!" one of the boys said, laughing afterwards. The other young boy joined in, giggling as well.
"Nigga, I know you not tryna play somebody. yo fruity ass on a ferris wheel with another dude. Nigga you gay!" Riley shouted. I made a slight laugh from his response. The little boy didn't answer back. His face was filled with embarrassment.
Riley turned back towards me and laughed. "I think he got the message."
::The Arrival::
It was 9:25 when I pulled up to my house. Luckily Riley's brother was nice enough to take me home . I still sat in the backseat of the car, my heart was beating fast, I thought my mother was going to come out of the house at any moment, but surprisingly, she didn't. "Maybe she fell asleep" I muttered to myself as I grabbed the door handle to the car. Riley tapped my shoulder before I could get out. I looked behind me to see what he wanted "Yeah?" I asked.
"Don't forget to text me and let me know if everything's coo" He said., grabbing my face lightly to pull me in for a kiss. It was nice and quick, The last thing I needed was my mother to see me kissing the boy she despised. Seconds later, I made my way to the door. My heart raced out of fear. Fearing that she could possibly be waiting for me, knowing about what I had done. I took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and prepared myself for the worst. When I walked inside, there was no sign of my mother in the living room. "That's …odd" I said to myself. My mother was always lounging in the living room. I know that after going on my so called date with Bradley, she would be waiting for me to get home to tell her all the details. I decided to go upstairs to see if she was in her room. She wasn't there; I checked my room afterwards and she wasn't there either.
After minutes of searching for my mother all over the house, I still didn't find her. I began to get worried, but quickly realized that I forgot to check my art room. I rushed back down the stairs and made my way to the basement.
As I went down the basement stairs, I noticed my mother kneeling down on the floor, putting my paintings and art supplies in boxes.
"Mom, what's going on?" I asked curiously. She jumped,, slightly startled from my appearance.
"Is it 9:30 already?" she asked, looking at her watch.
"9:35 actually" I replied in a dull tone.
My mother rose up from the floor and dusted off her knees. "Oh, I really got carried away with cleaning this basement"
"You mean my art room" I replied back, correcting her. My mother and I had already made a deal that this room would be used for my art and nothing else. I glanced around, noticing the new space from her cleaning. "Why are you cleaning my art room any way?" I asked.
"The funniest thing happened tonight" She responded, walking closer to me. "My sister called me. She got the offer for the job she wanted in New York, but her daughter doesn't want to leave, so I decided to-"
"Please, don't tell me what I think your about to tell me" I said interrupting. I looked at my mother sadly. She looked at me with that "I'm sorry" look on her face. I kind of figured where this conversation was about to end. My Aunt Vanessa is a business woman who always goes for what she wants. She wouldn't let Jessica, my stuck up cousin, get in the way of that. It was either Jessica goes to New York with her mother or….she stays with us.
"You don't have to respond…I already know the answer, mom" I replied disappointedly. "But why does she have to stay in my art room? Why not your office? She could sleep on the floor or something"
"First of all, that office is not big enough for a teenage girl, Zoey. Second of all, my files and other paperwork are in there, which is very important to me."
I looked surprised by her last choice of words. "So, my art isn't important?"
She sighed and shook her head. "Zoey, I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that"
"Yeah, it's fine. Do whatever you want with this art room…it's not important anyways" I said, making my way back up the steps.
I headed to my room and closed the door behind me. "Why does everything keep getting worse?" I questioned myself silently while leaning on my bedroom door. A few minutes later, I slid down and sat on the floor, reaching for my phone from the pocket of my shorts to text Riley. I told him that everything was fine. My mother wasn't asking me 21 questions yet, so I guess I was in the clear. Minutes later I heard my mother's voice calling my name.
I stood up and opened the door. "Yeah?" I asked in a dull tone.
My mother walked in with her arms folded. "I just wanted to say sorry for my choice of words. Your art is very important to me."
"Yeah, I know you didn't mean it that way, I'm just a little annoyed that Jessica's going to be staying with us, that's all." I replied, plopping down on my bed.
"I know you and Jessica don't have the best relationship, but this is the perfect opportunity to change that" My mother preached.
I shook my head. "No, mom…I can't. She's a cruel person, okay? What kind of cousin makes their own flesh and blood feel like they're not worth anything. All she ever did was talk down on me… ever since we were little kids."
I put both hands on my head as my legs trembled while moving up and down from my nerves. I thought to myself this would be the perfect time to end this conversation, acting as if everything is fine and make a run for the bathroom later to cut into my flesh, but as my thoughts went a little deeper, I realized that there was person in my life that I really cared about and he cared about me. I know he wouldn't want to see me like this. He would probably tell me to stop feeling so sorry for myself, which was exactly what I was doing.
I looked at my mother, who looked at me wordless and confused by my actions. She walked closer to me and took a seat on the bed.
I looked back up towards my mother with the slightest bit of hope in my eyes. "You're right mom. Things might seem bad right now, but I can make the situation get better, right?" I asked.
She smiled at and me and nodded her head. "Of course you can make it better. You're not alone Zoey. I'm always here for you and you know that, so don't be afraid to talk to me."
My mother reached out with open arms for me to hug, I gladly accepted. Her embrace was comforting and for those few minutes, I didn't feel so broken.
Zoey Anderson::Surprises::
10:00 am, I sat on my couch Indian style, drinking a cup of hot tea and relaxing in my black t-shirt and sweats. It was a boring day for me and I was feeling extremely lonely. I had recently spoken to Riley on the phone earlier, but the conversation wasn't long. He claimed he had some errands to run, so it was just me, myself and my thoughts as I sat alonein this empty living room…that was, until I heard a knock on my door. I got up slowly from my couch with my tea still in my hand. I walked towards my window and peeked out of the blinds ,surprised to see Riley standing outside of my door.
"No fucking way" I said to myself as I looked through my window. He was standing outside with a black book sack on his shoulder and a red bike that stood next to him. "I opened the door, still slightly overwhelmed by his appearance.
"Riley, what are you doing here? …you know my mom doesn't want you around" I said, looking around nervously. My mother was gone, but I was paranoid that she would show up out of nowhere.
"Well your mom is at work and doesn't get off until 10:00 pm today, right? What she doesn't know, won't hurt her" He said making his way into the house. He took a seat on my couch, making himself comfortable. "I wanted to surprise you" He said smiling.
"You're not mad, are you?"
"No, I'm glad you came. I was getting kind of lonely anyways." I said ,walking over to him. He gently grabbed my arm, directing me to sit on his lap. Riley still had my arm in his hand, silently looking at the old scars on my lower arm.
"You haven't been hurting yourself anymore, have you?' he asked.
"No…" I replied, pausing for a moment "but I've wanted to at times…really badly"
"I just don't get it. What makes you want to cut yourself?" he questioned.
"I don't know—I guess for those few minutes, I just forget about everything…I don't think about my problems, just the feeling of the razor going through my skin."
He looked at me sadly gently raising my arm that revealed my scars. "Promise me you won't do this to yourself anymore, Zoey"
I turned my head the other way, avoiding eye contact with him. He touched my face, softly, turning it back to his. "Promise me." He ordered.
"I…I can't do that Riley…It's not that simple" I responded dolefully.
He looked at me disappointed by my words and lightly pushed me off his lap. "Where are your razors?" he asked getting up from the couch.
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"Because we're going to get rid of them—it's for the best"
I became silent, thinking about his suggestion. If I were to give up my razors, I would have nothing. My mom already freaked and hid all of the knives in the kitchen. My razors were the only thing I had left, but then again, I was trying to get better…
"So, are you gonna do it or not" Riley asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I got up from the couch and walked towards the stairs. "Follow me" I said, continuing to walk and make my way to my room. He followed behind as I unpleasantly walked to bedroom. I opened the door, and went to my nightstand that stood next to my bed.
I kneeled down and reached underneath the nightstand, pulling out a small ziplocked bag filled with tiny razor blades.
"Is there anymore hidden?" Riley asked.
I got up and gave him the bag. "You sound worse than my mother" I replied jokingly.
"I'm only doing this because I care about you" he said, placing the small ziplock bag in his pocket. He walked closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I just want you to get better."
"Eventually, I will…I just have to take it one day at a time" I responded, looking down at my scars in disgust.
Riley lifted my arm and kissed it softly, which took me by surprise. He continued to kiss me, making his way up to my shoulders, which lead to my neck. It was a nice feeling, so I didn't feel the need to stop him. We began to kiss each other and make our way to the bed. He continued to kiss me as he let his hands roam to other places. It was starting to get intense, too intense for me to handle.
"Um, how about we watch some TV or something...?" I asked nervously, quickly getting up off the bed
"Did I do something wrong?" Riley asked.
I quickly shook my head. "No, not at all…it's just… I still don't feel comfortable with myself ….with the making out on the bed and stuff-it's just too much, you know?"
"I understand 100 %..." he answered, rising up from the bed. "How about we go for a ride?"
"a ride.? ..on your bike?" I asked puzzled.
He made a light laugh. "Yeah, you never rode on the handlebars of a bike before?"
"No. That's seems quite dangerous, actually"
He laughed again "You are so lame-As long as you hold on to the handle bars, you'll be fine"
I thought to myself silently that I could use some fresh air, so I decided to go along with the bike ride.
"Well, I'm not leaving the house like this. I look a mess" I said ,pointing down to my sweatpants. I walked towards my closet and looked back towards Riley. "I'll meet you down stairs after I get dressed"
*16 minutes later*
"I can't believe I'm going through with this" I mumbled to myself while taking a seat on the middle of Riley's handlebars. "Where are we going anyway?" I asked looking back towards him.
"You'll see when you get there." he responded. I could feel the bike beginning to move. I held on to the handlebars as tight as I could. It wasn't that bad as we continued to ride along. I could feel the wind hitting my face from the fast speed peddling of his bike. 20 minutes later, we finally came to a stop of a woodsy looking area. It had a lot of trees, the grass was really green and I could spot a lake from afar.
I continued to look around at the green scenery. "This is really beautiful, but why did you bring me here?" I asked as I hopped off the handlebars of his bike. I walked around, continuing to observe the nature that surrounded us.
"It's just a spot where I like to chill sometimes." He said, walking towards me.
I looked at him slightly strange, but more so confused. "No offense Riley, but I didn't think you would be the type to be at one with nature"
He laughed. "It's not that I'm at one with nature…I just like to relax here …and sometimes draw or write my.…poetry"
I raised an eyebrow. He had once again surprised me with his words. "I didn't know you were into poetry. Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Because…most of my friends would probably think I'm lame for doing shit like that, so I just keep it to myself." He said nervously, touching the back his neck.
I looked at him and smiled. "Can I hear some of your poems?"
He took his black booksack off his shoulder, unzipped it, and looked at me. "Just promise me you won't laugh" he said seriously.
"I would never." I replied. I watched him look through his bag for his poems.
He took out a sheet of paper with cursive writing. "I'll read it to you when we get to the lake"
A few minutes later, Riley led me to the lake that he sat by and collected his thoughts. I watched him as he sat down, looking at the sheet of paper silently.
"What's wrong?" I asked, glancing over at the paper.
He quickly folded the poem up. "I can't read this."
"Why not?"
"Because I just can't…alright?" he replied hostile.
I looked at him with an annoyed expression. I was slightly disgusted by the way he was acting. Once again, there was a quick change in his personality, going from sweet to sour in a matter of seconds.
I decided to quickly vent.
"I just don't understand boys...here I am opening up to you, letting you know all of my secrets and you can't even read me a poem?"
I looked at him confused, waiting for an answer. All of the sudden, the tables were turned. Riley quickly became the quiet and nervous person, scared to share his feelings.
"Maybe I should just go and give you some time to yourself" I said, getting up from the ground. I brushed off the few leaves that stuck to my clothes and began to walk off.
"Zoey, wait"
I stopped and looked back at him. He moved his hand forward, gesturing me to come sit back down. Of course, I turned back around and made my way over to him. The truth was I didn't want to leave, I was hoping he would stop me.
I sat down next to him. "Can you tell me what's really wrong?" I asked sincerely.
He was quiet for a few seconds, but finally spoke. "I know this may sound weird...but" he said, pausing for a moment. "I think I'm slowly changing into a totally different person"
"It doesn't sound weird at all. We all experience change sometime in our lives" I replied.
"But this change is different…I guess you can say that I've been putting on an act for my friends lately. It's like I don't even relate to them like I used to."
"What makes you feel like you don't relate to them anymore?" I asked curiously, hoping he wouldn't get too annoyed by my questions.
"It's just the whole gangster like mentality thing. I'm kind of getting over it and they're still stuck on it. I just feel like I'm moving on to better things like my art and my writing and if I was to tell them about it, they'll probably take me as a joke"
"Well, you shouldn't care what they think and if they feel you're not good enough to hang with, they were never your friends in the first place."
"Yeah, I guess you're right" he responded in a dreary voice.
I scooted a little closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder "You'll still have me…" I whispered. He nodded his head agreeing and kissed me on my lips lightly.
"You still wanna hear my poem?" he asked.
I smiled "Of course"
He took the folded piece of paper out of his pocket and began to read.
I am a drop of water, I am stagnant in this pool.
Forever mingling with the countless others trapped within the walls of the shore.
I long to flow, be free, run with the water in the rivers and streams.
I want to escape, and let the currents carry me to the ocean.
I want my dreams to be realized,
and I want all of the water to lose its bitter taste of salt.
I can't wait until the sun lifts me into the clouds,
where I can look down and see that I, just a single drop, contribute to this ocean.
A few seconds later, Riley turned his head towards me after reading, waiting for my response. I looked at him astonished by his way with words. "You're truly a diamond in the ruff" I whispered softly.
I started to realize as Riley was slowly beginning to figure me out, I was slowly beginning to figure him out as well. It began to make sense to me. Maybe Riley saw me as a target, a target to a fresh new start, not having to always hide his true self. With me, he didn't have to put on an act and that was the greatest thing about our relationship.
Riley brought me back home around 4:00 pm. I had advised him to go back home to avoid the chances of getting caught by my mother. Who knows, she could have gotten off from work early and I wasn't trying to take any chances. While in the house, I decided to go into the kitchen, a place I rarely tend to visit. I looked in the fridge for something to eat. I was in such a good mood that my eating disordered thoughts weren't taking over. They weren't telling me not to eat this or that. I actually wanted to eat and I wanted to get to better because I wanted to live. I wanted to live because I actually had something to live for now. I finally had someone in my life that truly made me excited to see another the day.
::Riley Freeman::
It was a boring Sunday, so I decided to call Cindy and ask her to come over. We hadn't been hanging out as much as we used to since she's been busy with her so called boyfriend. I sat on the couch, leaned back, playing the PS3. Cindy sat next to me with her legs resting in my lap. I wasn't tripping off that though, I was too focused on beating her ass in a game of Madden Football.
"Fuckin right, another touch down" I teased, smiling in Cindy's face.
She looked at me and sucked her teeth. "Whatever, the game isn't over yet"
I laughed. "I have 33 points. You have 14… the game is basically over" I said bragging
She pressed the paused button and got up from the couch "Yeah, whatever. I have to take a piss…I'll be right back" she said, walking off.
"You're so fucking classy" I said sarcastically, laughing afterwards.
While I waited for Cindy to comeback, I decided to send Zoey a text and see what she was up to. 10 minutes had passed and I never got a reply back from her. I also was still waiting for Cindy to come back down to finish the game.
"What the hell is she doin up there?" I thought to myself. I decided to go upstairs and see what was taking her so long. As I went up the stairs and walked down the hall, I noticed the bathroom door open, no one was inside, so I went in my room and there she was, sitting down, using my computer.
"What are you looking at?" I asked, walking to the computer desk. I looked down at the screen and noticed she was on a website for Madden cheat codes.
"Seriously? You suck that bad, that you need cheat codes?" I asked, still glancing at the screen.
"As a matter of fact, I do." She responded carelessly. "but lets talk about something more important." She said, turning her body towards me. "Why were you on a page about 'how to prevent a person from cutting?'
"What are you talking about?" I asked
She clicked the history link that showed sites that I had previously visited. I watched her as she opened up the website page that dealt with cutting prevention.
"Maybe that'll freshen up your memory" she said, pointing to the computer screen.
"Why the hell are you going through my history in the first place?" I asked aggravated.
"I wasn't!" She shouted aggressively. "You left the fucking site open, making it visible for anyone to see, so if you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at yourself, alright?"
I became quiet for a moment, while Cindy was giving me a cold stare, as if she could just slap the fuck outta me at that very moment.
I couldn't believe I forgot to exit out of the cutters prevention website. The only reason I was on there was to try to find ways to help Zoey avoid hurting herself again. If granddad lazy ass wouldn't have kept calling me to do simple shit like grab the remote for him or turn off the light, I would have remembered, but I didn't. So, there I was, standing there with no excuse. She looked at me with her eye brow raised, waiting for an answer.
I finally decided to come up with a lie. "It's just an assignment for my class"
"What class?" she asked.
"The class that you don't have…" I responded annoyed.
"You're lying, Riley. I fucking know you, okay? I know you're hiding something and I know you wouldn't be on a cutting prevention site for no reason!"
"Just don't worry about it, alright? It's none of your business" I said, walking away from her.
"Well, as your friend and ex girlfriend, I think I deserve to know if you're cutting yourself…"
I looked back at her and laughed. "You think I'm the one who's cutting? Come on, Cindy, do I look like the type of nigga to cut myself?"
"Well, if it's not you, then —oh my gosh, wait a minute …It's your little demon girlfriend, Zoey… the teenage witch?"
She laughed afterwards, amused by her corny joke.
"There's nothing funny about this" I said solemnly.
"No, it isn't funny, but it sure is pathetic." She replied with a smirk on face.
I became even more agitated with her annoying remarks. "You know what Cindy, why don't you just leave? I shouldn't have asked you to come here"
Her smirk quickly faded. "Are you fucking serious? "She asked, rising from the computer chair. "I say one fucking comment about the girl and you get your panties in a bunch." She continued, walking over to me. Her face began to get red.
"What the hell is happening to you, Riley?—why are you being such a bitch all of sudden"
"Unlike you Cindy, I'm maturing and not taking everything as a fucking joke…you should try it"
"Fuck you, Riley. When you get the stick out of your ass, let me know." She said making her way out of my room. She slammed the door behind her.'
Well, if you guys want more, just leave reviews because they're truly appreciated and let's me know that this story doesn't…suck.
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