Darth Keyara - Hopefully the Force is not done with Xan yet.

Charismilena – I have written Xan light, gray, and very, very dark, but I think I love redeeming him most.

Laelwen – A part of me wants to give him a noble death, but then I would be sad.

Kitty9167 – Sorry it has taken me so long to update.

Chapter 8

Xanatos awoke to the gentle sound of crashing waves and the salty smell of sea water. His eyes flittered open to reveal a sky that sparkled like diamonds. There was no sun, only a vibrant kaleidoscope of colors swirling high above where he lay in warm sand. The overwhelming serenity in the Force washed over him, leaving him in hushed awe. Wherever he was, he was certain he never wanted to leave this place.

"Anything yet, Master Jinn?"

It didn't surprise Qui-Gon that the man named Soren was there again. Xanatos' faithful employee had been regularly checking in since he had arrived on Bandomeer. The Jedi master was intrigued at the loyalty his former apprentice had inspired, and wondered if Xanatos saw the friend he had in his employee.

"I'm afraid there has been no change in his condition," Qui-Gon said softly, glancing to the peaceful figure resting on the cot beside him. Soren was not the only one concerned. Medically, there was nothing wrong with Xanatos, except that he had not regained consciousness. Brain waves showed adequate function, even suggesting that Xanatos was in a deep dreamlike state. Qui-Gon had tried to breach the younger man's shields, but his former apprentice's mind was firmly locked away from him. He was at a loss to explain it and could only hope that Xanatos would find his way back.

"He's strong."

"I know he's strong, Sir." Soren sighed heavily. "It's just that his recent behavior leads me to think he was planning to die … or at least thinks he deserves it … I'm worried he's choosing not to fight."

"He'll find his way," Qui-Gon murmured. "I've never known him to give up."

"I know … now about your other one …"

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked. To his knowledge, the boy had been a tremendous asset to the rescue effort. He couldn't fathom what might be wrong. The Jedi master cursed the compound fracture in his leg that was rendering him useless and bound to a cot for the time being, essentially out of the loop with Bandomeer.

"Yes," Soren replied. "I barred him from helping anymore until he got a decent meal and slept for a while. I don't need any one else in the med center."

"Thank you for seeing to my padawan." It felt odd to use that particular term again, but it was as though a veil had been ripped from his eyes and he could clearly see the will of the force once again. He had immediately asked the boy to be his apprentice after waking, and the boy had agreed.

"You have a knack for choosing stubborn ones."

A comlink chimed. Soren looked down and shook his head. The Jedi master watched as he ventured to Xanatos' side.

"I could really use your help right now, Boss. I'm making a lot of decisions I'm not real sure about. I'd be much happier if you were in the hot seat – you make it look easy."

"I will let you know if he wakes … when he wakes," Qui-Gon amended quickly.

He had no idea how long he had been here, basking in the serene beauty, but he was certain that an eternity could have passed and he would not have noticed. Perhaps it was time to further investigate his surroundings. He rolled to a sitting position, noticing the loose white clothing he was wearing for the first time. That was certainly unexpected as he was sure nothing in his closet was this light in color.

The fallen Jedi got to his feet and took a moment to survey his surroundings before approaching the edge of the surf. He knew this place, and yet he didn't, like an altered memory. The skies had certainly never been so colorful. Cool water rushed toward him, washing over his bare feet. He looked down and wiggled his toes, much as he had when he was younger.

Perhaps he was dead.

"So this is how you see the Force, Little One."

Xanatos' breath caught in his throat as he slowly turned. His mother - she was there again standing before him in her ageless, ethereal beauty.

"Qui-Gon brought me here as a padawan. The village is quite secluded; the people value their privacy. We lived simply among the locals, even dressing in their native fabrics," Xanatos explained, motioning down to his attire. "My adolescent self scoffed at the experience at the time, but the simplicity of life here was secretly the most at peace I had felt in my life." He turned his back to his mother, casting his gaze back across the sea.

"I can see why you would equate it to the Force," the specter said softly. "But you can't remain here in this dream … the Force still has need of you."

Reality caught up to Xanatos, a rush of memories of a mine collapsing and his mind growing hazy with lack of oxygen. "Wait … if I am dreaming, then I am not dead."

Qui-Gon was drawn from sleep by a flicker in the Force, a clumsy brush at his mind.

Xanatos.

The Jedi master directed his attention to his former apprentice's cot and found two midnight blue eyes staring back at him.

"It's about time you woke up."

"Where am I?" Qui-Gon allowed himself a smirk at the impatience and frustration evident in the clipped question. Xanatos had always hated being disoriented.

"You are in a medcenter on Bandomeer," Qui-Gon replied. "Do you remember the mine?"

"I should be dead," Xanatos murmured softly.

"If death was your goal … you almost received your wish. I shared oxygen with you … after I dragged myself over to you. You always were incredibly stubborn." The soft chiding lacked the conviction of true scolding. The Jedi master realized just how relieved he was that Xanatos was alive.

"As are you. I told you to concern yourself with the boy … Obi-Wan … where is he?" Xanatos tried to sit up, and Qui-Gon felt the shift in the currents of the force as the former Jedi cast out for the bright presence to which he had become so devoted.

"He's resting Xan. Leading the rescue effort took a lot out one so young, but … my padawan … met the challenge boldly. We owe him both our lives." Qui-Gon allowed quiet regret to color his words; filling them with the gravity of a mistake he had almost made. "He truly is a remarkable young man. I am not sure how I missed it."

"It's my fault, Master. I betrayed you … I hurt you …"

"The blame is ours to share," Qui-Gon interrupted. Hours meditating on the events of Telos and all that had happened since while waiting for Xanatos to wake up had told him that he didn't to dwell on those events any longer. "That happened in the past. I am more interested in the possibility of getting to know the man you have become."

"You won't like him." Xanatos quickly diverted his gaze. "I am not who you raised me to be."

"I am talking about the man you have become in just the past week," Qui-Gon replied gently. "Soren has been quite concerned with your behavior."

"When did you speak with Soren?" Xanatos asked.

"He is here on Bandomeer, coordinating operations since you've been incapacitated."

"The man does not know the meaning of the word, "vacation" … probably because it is the first one he's been given in years … but that's beside the point …"

"He told me to tell you that Tessa insisted, and it was unwise to make her angry."

Xanatos chuckled quietly, only to look up and finally face his former master again. "If you've spoken with Soren, then you know everything." The gaze directed back at him was drowning in grief, regret, guilt, shame, and self-loathing. "I've strayed so far … devastated so many. You should have let me die."

"I know more than you likely wanted me to learn. But I also believe you have found your way again. Leave the man you were in the past and move forward from there."

"You make it sound so easy."

"I have no illusions it will be easy for you, considering you are even more stubborn than I am," Qui-Gon said pointedly. "But you aren't alone."

Relief and something else, perhaps hope if Qui-Gon had to put a name to it, shimmered in the fallen Jedi's eyes as he simply nodded his head and offered a soft, "thank you."