* Words Between Us, Part 2 *
I don't remember the last time I saw Hanako smile so much.
We've been at the park for most of an hour so far, eating the meal she prepared and chatting. Despite Lilly's occasional doubt in Hanako's cooking abilities, what she's made is quite good, though I can't place the spices she used in the rice. The sandwiches turned out well, though, I think as I take a bite.
Hanako
"Do you like them? I had to use what I had, and . . . I didn't know if it would taste good together."
Hisao
"No, it's really good. All of this is."
She only smiles back, and sips her drink. We talk for a little bit about schools we've been to, old teachers and why we didn't like them and all that. It's always seemed like things got much, much better for Hanako when she came to Yamaku, and hearing some of her stories only confirms it.
The conversation turns to lighter topics after we both go quiet for a moment, and once we've eaten and drank everything, I lay back and stare up at the sky. It's that medium shade of blue summer skies sometimes get, where it seems like the morning could last all day.
Hanako shuffles around a little, then stretches out on the blanket and folds her hands over my stomach, resting her chin atop them. The movement catches me by surprise, and I blink at her, not sure what to do.
Hanako
"I-is this all right?"
She seems ready to sit up if I say the wrong thing, so I speak quickly.
Hisao
"It's fine, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting it."
She looks away for a moment, and when she speaks again, it's in little more than a whisper, like she used to do all the time.
Hanako
"Tell me a secret about yourself."
I stare up again, wondering what brought this on. Maybe it's all part of getting to know each other more, to really understand each other. Surely she knows I'll ask her to tell me a secret too, right?
I think for a long moment, then look at her again. Her eyes are wide, and I can't tell if it's curiosity or worry. But I think I know what to tell her.
Hisao
"I thought you were pretty first time I saw you, in the library."
Hanako
"R-really?"
That got her. She's blushing again, and I reach out and brush my fingers down the side of her face. She leans into my touch.
Hisao
"Really. Kenji even asked when I told him about meeting you, and I told him I thought you were cute."
Kenji, of course, went on another of his rambles after that, but I don't need to tell Hanako about that.
Hanako
"I see. I . . . I thought you were handsome too, Hisao. I wondered why you would t-talk to me."
She glances away, and I try to think quickly. Now would be a really bad time for her to start thinking like that again.
Hisao
"That's not fair. You can't tell me the same secret I told you."
I smile a little to show her I'm joking, but a serious look grows on her face, and I stay quiet. She didn't say she'd tell me a secret in return, even though I planned to ask. Maybe she just wanted to know more about me. There's something good about seeing her be more direct, instead of–
Hanako
"I l-like to be touched."
I blink at her. That came out of nowhere. Not the secret I was expecting.
Hisao
"You do?"
She nods, and leans her face against my hand again. Her eyes slowly close, and I'm suddenly very aware of how she's leaning against me, her arms folded over me. When she speaks, her voice is still low, but I get the feeling this is something she's been thinking about for a while.
Hanako
"It didn't happen often, when I was at the orphanage. We didn't have parents, the people taking care of us didn't try to be like that. So none of them hugged us, or even touched us very much. My p-parents used to, but. . . ."
I don't want to move. She's still resting her cheek on my palm, and her fingers are starting to press into my sides, like she's trying to hold onto me. How much must it have taken, I wonder, for her to tell me about this?
Hanako
"After the a-accident, the first person who hugged me again was Lilly. She never seemed afraid to touch me. Everyone else acted like they were afraid I might break, or I c-could tell they didn't want to."
I take a deep breath, making her head rise and fall. She opens her eyes, and I see tears forming there.
Hisao
"Is this something your therapist said you should tell me?"
Hanako
"S-sort of. We've talked about it before, and I told her how you let me touch your scar. She said it could be good for . . . for me. For us."
I'm starting to like her therapist more and more. It clearly took a lot for Hanako to say this, but I don't see any way this could be a bad thing.
Hisao
"Hanako, you can hug me whenever you want. We could even share a beanbag in the library. I think the teachers will get upset if we hold hands in class, though."
Her eyes brighten at this, and she rises a little, freeing her hands to wipe away tears. I start to sit up, and as soon as I'm there, she leans into me and puts her arms around my neck, pulling herself so close I almost fall over.
Hanako
"Th-thank you, Hisao. I didn't know if you'd understand."
Well, I really can't argue with my girlfriend wanting to be touched more. Probably better that I don't put it like that, though.
It's easier to just hold her.
We stay and talk for a while longer, always with our arms around each other or us leaning against each other, all that kind of thing. There's something really reassuring about it, like it's easier to talk if we're in contact.
Only when we realize the sun is getting close to setting do we pack up and head back to Yamaku. We hold hands the entire way back, a little awkward with me carrying a rolled-up blanket and her holding a rather large basket. And we reach the dorms all too soon.
Hanako
"Thank you, Hisao. I had a really good time today."
Hisao
"Me too. We'll have to do this again."
She nods, and a blush creeps across her face as she smiles. She takes a step closer to me, lets my hand go to rest hers on my shoulder, then trace her fingertips across my cheek.
Hanako
"I think so too. Is . . . is it all right. . . ."
It seems strange that she'd ask to kiss me, after the talk we had, but I suppose this is different. I reach for her shoulder and gently pull her closer, and our lips meet as she presses herself against me.
Something important happened today. I know it. I can feel it in the way we're together.
When we separate, she stares into my eyes for a long moment, and I remember the time I went to her room and showed her my scar. This time, though, I know she knows I'm here.
Hanako
"I d-don't want you to go, but. . . ."
She lowers her eyes, and I nod. Something changed for us today, but we don't have to rush things. I hug her again, and murmur that I understand. She looks a little unsure, but that's all right.
Times like these, I know we don't really know what we're doing, but we're doing okay just trying to figure it out.