IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ

Hello guys, Thanks so much for the reviews. I appreciate them all. Also, sorry for the long absence. I really was dealing with a lot of stuff -super busy-but everything's cool now...and when I had time to work on this story, I kept changing the chapter and adding on more and more, which made the update process longer. So, forgive me if this chapter is too long because it has A LOOOT of dialogue, but I plan on adding more frequent chapters, but I will have to make them much shorter. The longer I make them, the more I hesitate to post them. If you forgot where the last chapter ended, I'll refresh your memory.

Riley Has an Argument with Cindy... & Clyde

Cindy Threatens Zoey with her dark secret.

Zoey is struggling with her eating habits, she looked like she was losing more weight.

Zoey and her cousin Jessica have a not so great relationship. Jessica will be moving in with Zoey and her mom, but Zoey doesn't want her to move into her home.

Riley was concerned for Zoey's health, he felt worried and decided that he should call her mom (secretly of course..behind Zoey's back)

-and that's where we left off.-Forgive if for any typos. I was up at 3:00 in the morning trying to work on this. hopefully you guys will still read this. If you do , please leave reviews because they really let me know that people are actually reading my story, plus I enjoy reading them and they're VERY much appreciated.

As I heard the female voice answer, I began to pause again, thinking whether I should hang up or not. She answered again, saying "hello". I finally grasped the courage to speak.

"…Is this Ms. Anderson?" I asked a bit nervous.

"Yes, who's calling?"

"It's Riley, Zoey's friend from school. I have to talk to you about something."

"Zoey gave you my number?" she asked, sounding aggravated.

"No, she doesn't know I have your number…and I don't want her to know. I wanted to talk about her problem. I can't help but notice her weight going lower and lower…and It seems like you're not doing anything about it."

"Excuse me?" Zoey's mother asked, sounding offended by my choice of words.

"No disrespect." I quickly added. "I just feel like you're not doing enough. You could try to be a little more aware, you know?"

"You're not Zoey's mother, are you?" She asked raising her voice.

"No, I'm not…but—"

"Exactly, you're not, so please don't insinuate that I'm not doing my job. You don't live in this house and you certainly don't know what the hell is going on with me and my daughter. As far as I know, you're on the outside, looking in."

"Well, I know a lot more than you think…A LOT more" I responded, sure of myself.

No words were spoken after that, just an awkward silence. I looked at my cell phone and realized she hung up on me. "Ain't that a bitch" I muttered to myself.

::Zoey Anderson::

It became close to the time that my mother usually made it home from work, I decided to go to the kitchen and grab a bowl to pour a small amount of cereal with milk. It was such a small amount, that it was barely an inch. I had to make up some type of scheme to fool my mother into thinking I actually ate something. I sat down at the table and waited for her to arrive. A few minutes later, I could hear her keys opening the door. By the time she walked inside, I grabbed my bowl and walked out of the kitchen, making my way over to her.

"Hey, mom" I said, taking a small bite of cereal.

"So, I see you already ate." She said eyeing my bowl.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I just thought I'd eat some cereal, I wasn't even hungry, but I forced myself to eat it" I said proudly, telling a lie.

"Good." She responded in a dreary voice. "But what else did you eat?"

I lied once more. "I had a salad, an apple, and some oatmeal."

"Oh, really?" she asked, looking at me with disbelief.

I nodded my head again. "Yes, I really did"

"Can you walk into the kitchen for me?" She asked.

I gave her a weird look, but followed her command. "Sure." I said, walking back in the kitchen. She followed behind me. I stood there, looking around, feeling clueless as to what was going on.

"Mom, what is this about?" I asked

She ignored my question and walked to the cabinet, getting out the tall container of oatmeal. I then realized that I was busted. She walked over to me, opened the lid, and pointed inside.

"This oatmeal is nearly full. I bought it two weeks ago and you've been lying to me, telling me that you were eating this stuff. It was clearly a lie!"

I put my head down, feeling embarrassed. I had nothing to say. I looked back up and noticed her grabbing the box of cereal from the kitchen cabinet. She shook it and looked at me with disappointment.

"Once again, this box is nearly full." She said. "Did you think you could just get away with this? You told me you ate cereal yesterday and this box has been barely touched. So, I guess everything has been a lie, right?"

I looked at her speechless and shrugged my shoulders. She took a seat by the table and placed her hand on her head. Her face was absent of emotion.

"I'm sorry mom. I promise you, I will try to do better." I said, joining her at the table.

"This is all my fault" She responded. "If I wasn't so busy focusing on work, trying to work overtime, I would be able to pay more attention to you and make sure things like this wouldn't happen. I guess I fail as a mother…"

"Mom, don't say that about yourself. You're bound to make mistakes like any other human being"

"Well, I don't want to make any more mistakes." She said, wiping the tears that begun to run down her face. "I think the best thing for you to do… is to go inpatient."

"What? But why?" I asked

"We can find you a good clinic and get you the help you need."

I quickly got up from the table and backed away from her. "Mom, I told you... I'll do better, I don't need to go inpatient."

"I don't care what you think, Zoey. I'm doing what's best for you and the best thing is to go inpatient and get treatment."

"But...what about school? I can't just leave"

"They have schooling at recovery centers."

I looked at her and shook my head, disagreeing with her decision. I was so desperate, that I got on my knees with my hands in prayer mode "Please, don't do this, mom" I begged. I waited for her to answer, but she just looked at me silently and confused. Her leg was shaking and her eyes were watery.

She took a deep breath before speaking "I'm going to give you one more chance to prove yourself" My mother said sternly with her eyes intensely looking into mine. "If you make the slightest mistake, I will have an inpatient clinic on speed dial, do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand." I said, getting up off the floor.

"You want me cook to you some dinner?" She asked. I thought back to her mentioning me making the slightest mistake. This could be some kind of test. I would be a fool to refuse. My mind thought about the calories and unnecessary fat that I was about to endeavor and how my stomach would bloat like I was 7 months pregnant afterwards. I so badly wanted to refuse, but this was her game and I had to play by her rules.

"Yeah, I would love some" I said lying, of course, but she didn't care. As long it was the answer she wanted to hear, then, there would be no problems.

::Riley Freeman::

Me, Huey, and granddad all sat at the dinner table, Huey ate his vegetarian meal with no problems; Granddad was eating his steak and potatoes as if he was trying to win a race, while I sat their just moving my fork around in an unappetizing plate of food.

I pushed my plate away. "I think I'll just save this for another time…I'm not really hungry" I said, getting up from my chair.

Grandad looked at me strange. "Boy, something must be really wrong with you. You never turn down a meal"

"Well, right now I just have a lot on my mind" I said, walking off.

I made my way upstairs to my room and sat down on my bed, once again, I was thinking about her. This shit was crazy, no girl has ever been on my mind this much. I heard the door open a few minutes later. It was Huey; he walked over to the bed and sat down next to me.

"Aye man, what's going with you?" Huey asked.

"….nothing, I'm good"

"Come on, Riley, I know you too well. This is about Zoey, isn't it?"

I let out a deep sigh. "Yeah…I guess you think I'm sprung or some shit, huh?"

"No, you just really care about her….seems like you might even lov—"

I nudged his shoulder before letting him finish. "Lets not get too carried away, Nigga."

"What? You're scared to admit that you –"

I got off the bed and walked to the other side, covering my ears "I don't want to hear it...I don't want to talk about it, alright?"

"Yeah, I understand." He said, walking towards me. "You're just 14 and you're dealing with severe emotions that you don't know how to handle."

I laughed. "….so, you're a psychiatrist now?"

"You don't have to be a psychiatrist to see what's clear as glass." Huey said, walking towards the door.

"Where you goin?" I asked. I was kind of hoping he would stay, so we could talk a little more. He rarely had been hanging around the house these days.

"I'm going to Jazmine's place."

I gave him a sly grin. "So, I guess things been goin pretty good with you two, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say that." He said nonchalantly.

I walked over to Huey and began digging in pockets. I had a feeling he was up to something.

"Man, what are you doing?" He asked, trying to push my hand away, but I was a little too fast. I grabbed three condoms that were connected to each other. I looked at Huey and laughed again. "I knew it! I knew you been smashin' Jazmine!"

He quickly snatched the condoms back from me. "Are you trying to let the whole neighborhood know?"

"My bad… my bad..So, when did you and Jazmine start fucking, though?"

He looked at his watch and opened the door. "I'm running late. I'll see you later"

"Whatever nigga...give me the details when you get back." I said, jokingly.

::Zoey Anderson::

After returning back to school, I was extremely paranoid. Every time someone laughed or whispered, I immediately assumed it was about me. I had only made it to my 2nd period and didn't know how much more of this paranoia I could take. Luckily, no one said anything to me in class. I was beginning to think I was in the clear. I walked out the classroom, feeling a little relieved, but still slightly conscious of others around me. I held on tightly to my books, continuing to make my way down the hall. All of a sudden, I felt a touch on the back of my shoulder. I stopped and slowly turned around, preparing myself for the worst. It was a girl from my World History class. She sat two seats across from me. I noticed she had some papers in her hand. I also took a brief moment to admire her taste in clothes. She was wearing a ACDC band shirt with distressed black jeans and a pair of 3 inch black creepers that were amazing. She had messy red hair that went well with her style. I snapped myself out of my thoughts as she handed me the papers.

"You're Zoey, right?" she asked.

I nodded my head. "What are these papers for?" I curiously asked.

"It's definitions. Ms. Kerrington forgot to give them to you. We also have a quiz on the first 50 words on Friday"

She began to walk away, but paused and turned back around. I noticed her looking at my shoes, which were fake leather black doc martens.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention how much I love your docs"

I looked down at my shoes. "Thanks, I bought them online…a vegan store"

"So, you're vegan?" She asked.

"No, but I'm a vegetarian…I plan on being vegan someday."

A huge smile appeared on her face. "Well, that's awesome. I actually have a group and blog where we spread reality on the cruelty going on in farm factories."

"wow, that's…great" I said awkwardly, letting the words slip from my mouth. I was always awful making conversations with people I was unfamiliar with.

I noticed her getting a pen and small sheet of paper from her bag. I watched as she wrote quickly on the paper. "Here, take this" she said. This is my information for my blog. Take a look at it, read about it, and tell me if you would like to join."

"Thank you, I will definitely check it out." I said, receiving the paper.

We both went our separate ways, heading to our classes, but just that short moment, made me actually feel a small chance of hope of making more than just one friend in this school.

Later on during the day, after my fifth period class was over with, I decided to meet up with Riley by his locker. It was lunch time and as much as I wanted to hide out in the library, I promised my mother that I would actually make an effort to get better.

I leaned against the wall and watched him as he placed his books into his locker. His face looked very dull with no expression. I wondered to myself what was the reason for his somberness.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine." He responded casually.

"Are you sure? You don't seem like it.."

He looked at me as if he were annoyed with my questions. "YES.. Zoey, I said I'm fine"

He shut his locker door aggressively and looked towards me. "So, are we going to the library or what?" he asked in a bitter tone.

"You can go wherever you want. I'll be in the cafeteria, eating lunch by myself." I said walking off in a hurry. I sensed an attitude in his voice and I didn't appreciate it.

"Wait, hold up." Riley said.

I rolled my eyes and turned around. "What do you want? I don't have time for your mood swings today."

"Come here for a second." He commanded.

I folded my arms and made my way back to his locker. "What?"

"I just wanted you to know that I couldn't stop thinking about you last night. Today is just the same…I'm still worried for you and it makes me so mad that I can't do shit about it. I just really wanna help you, Zoey."

"Riley, trust me, I'll be fine." I said, rubbing his shoulder. "Plus, my mother has become surprisingly strict all of sudden. She says if I make one more mistake, she's sending me to a treatment center."

"….really?" he asked. "I guess she finally realizes how sick you are."

"You act like I'm a decaying skeleton or something.."

"Well you're pretty close to it." He responded, studying my frame.

I laughed nervously at his words, pretending as if they didn't bother me. "Can we just hurry up and get lunch?" I asked, quickly taking the subject off of my body.

"That's coo with me."

As Riley and I walked into the cafeteria, It felt like déjà vu all over again. I instantly became nervous as soon as I noticed all of the students in the cafeteria, my heart felt like it was beating 170 beats per minute. I looked around and saw students in line, getting there lunch, something that I never done before at this school.

"So…I guess…I should get my lunch now." I said unsure, still feeling a bit uneasy about eating this garbage cafeteria food.

"Just follow my lead and everything will be coo." Riley said.

I still was hesitant about eating in the cafeteria. Why couldn't I be a junior or a senior? At least they had privileges to go outside of campus to buy their food.

I followed behind Riley as he made his way to the line, where a bunch of hungry students waited anxiously for processed chemical filled food that lacked nutrition. I stared at the meals, contemplating which dish I would get. I looked over at Riley, who had no problem placing some fries, a burger, and a weird looking dessert on his tray.

Riley curiously looked over at my tray, which was still empty. "So, what are you going to get?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know…everything just looks nasty to me." I whined, still looking at the food with disgust. I could hear some students in the back of me complaining. An overweight boy who stood behind me kept sighing as if he were getting annoyed.

"Man, just hurry up and pick something!" The overweight boy said.

I ignored his comment and placed my hand towards a pre made salad. Riley lightly grabbed my arm and placed it back.

"Take your time, Zoey" Riley said, looking at the overweight boy.

"What the hell is your problem?" The hefty student asked Riley. "You do know people have to eat right?"

"Nigga, chill the fuck out. You gon get yo food, alright? …from the looks of it, yo ass getting well fed at home."

A few students laughed afterwards as the overweight boy looked humiliated.

"Riley, that's enough." I intervened. I was not trying to be the cause of an unnecessary fight. I quickly grabbed a salad and some fries.

"That's all you gettin?" Riley asked.

"Yes." I answered. "Now, can we please just move up? People are waiting"

After getting our lunch, Riley and I sat at a small circular table in the cafeteria. I was actually able to spot his friends sitting at a table from the opposite side of the area. I took a small bite of one fry, held it in my hand, looked around the cafeteria and noticed Cindy looking in my direction.

"What's wrong?" Riley asked.

"Don't turn around when I tell you this, but your friend Cindy is staring at us"

Of course, he didn't listen. He quickly turned his head around, looking back at her.

"Riley, I told you not to look." I said aggravated.

"I know, but she's trying to intimidate you. I ain't bout to let that happen."

I looked back up and noticed her walking over to us. "Oh, great, she's coming over" I said in a sarcastic manner.

She walked closer and stood next to Riley, placing her hand on his shoulder. "May I have a word with Zoey in private?"

Riley looked at me as if he wanted to be sure that I was okay with talking with Cindy in private. I told him it was fine. I watched Riley as he picked up his tray, got up from his chair and made his way to Cindy's table. I guess he wanted to make things right with his friends. I brought my attention back to Cindy. Her body language and overall demeanor seemed calm.

"I know you're tired of seeing my face." She joked as she took a seat in Riley's chair.

I made a light phony laugh. "So, what do you wanna talk about?" I asked.

"I just wanted to apologize about the other day. I realized that was immature of me. I didn't tell anyone about your secret either."

I paused for a few seconds, feeling a bit surprised by her apology. This was far from what I was expecting. I thought maybe she had a new evil plan to make my life even more miserable.

After getting lost in my thoughts for a few seconds, I finally snapped myself back to reality. "I accept your apology." I said, in a collected manner. "But what made you want to apologize?"

"Well, last night I had time to actually think about what I was doing and I realized that it's completely not worth it. The only reason I was clinging myself on to Riley was because I didn't want to let him go yet…even though I am dating someone else. It's hard to see someone you care about slowly vanish from you."

"Yeah, I know what you mean" I replied. Her response didn't make me think of an actual person, but of my eating disorder. For some reason I wanted to get better. I wanted to get over it, but yet, I was still attached, clinging on to something that was no good for me.

"Well, good luck with your relationship." Cindy said. "Dealing with Riley, I think you're going to need it."

I raised an eyebrow at her last statement. "Why is that?" I asked.

"Because he only cares about himself, he takes what he wants and afterwards, he could care less about you. That's what he did with me, but I only have myself to blame. I was stupid enough to believe that our relationship was actually legit at 13 years old…I believed it was so real, that I gave up my innocence for him…a lousy two minutes, which led to more lousy minutes of unsatisfying—"

I quickly interrupted. "Cindy, I don't understand where you're going with this…"

She laughed. "Oh, sorry...I just…I just got carried away, going back down memory lane." She said, turning back looking at Riley, who was still sitting at her table. She looked back towards me with a serious face. "Long story short…Riley told me how he cared about me so much, fucked me a couple of times, which was awful by the way and then broke up with me a few weeks later—why would you want to be with someone like that?—he's no good, Zoey."

"I understand how awful that was of him to do something like that, but the Riley I know, is nothing like that. He's sweet and caring. He wants the best for me."

"Zoey, Zoey, Zoey," Cindy said, shaking her head from side to side. " girl…you're so naïve—Don't you realize that those are his tactics?—he tells you how much he cares and once he gets what he wants, he will leave—I repeat, he WILL leave… and find a new girl."

I remained silent for a few seconds, looking off to the side. This whole discussion was making me feel awkward. "I think I had enough of this conversation, Cindy. I would like to finish my lunch, if you don't mind."

She sighed and got up from her chair. "Fine, but don't say I didn't try to help". She walked away from the table and made her way back to the opposite side. I was still baffled by her overall conversation with me. Was she really sincere with her words or was this some little game of hers that she found amusing?

Minutes later, Riley made his way back to the table. I took a few bites of my salad and fondled with my fork, moving the lettuce around.

"So, did you make up with your friend, Clyde?" I asked.

"Yeah, we good- everything's coo…so, what did you and Cindy talk about?"

"Nothing much, she just wanted to apologize for her behavior towards me."

"Really?" Riley asked surprised.

"Yeah, she just wanted to settle our differences." I said blandly,continuing to take small bites of my salad.

A suspicious look appeared on Riley's face. "That's not like her" he stated. "I bet you, she's up to something."

Later on after school was over, I waited in the front of the building for my mother. She actually took off from work to pick me up for a visit to my therapist. I stood there for about 15 minutes and had yet to see her car. I continued to stand there quietly, checking my watch, until I felt the touch of someone grabbing me from my waist. I jumped from being startled. I turned around and realized it was Riley.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be going home?" I asked.

"I gotta wait for Huey. He has a student council meeting." He said with his arms still wrapped around me. I unreleased myself from him.

"I told you my mom is picking me up today. You're the last person she wants to see next to me."

"Oh, Really?" he asked, walking closer to me. "Well we're not at her house, we're at school and she can't do a thing about me being next to you."

"You sound very sure of yourself." I said flirtatiously.

"I am." He replied with a smirk on his face. I watched him as his body became closer to mine. I already knew what was about to happen; I knew that look he gave right before he would kiss me. He grabbed my face gently with both hands, bringing my face closer to his. We kissed intensely for a few minutes and once again he made feel like no one existed for that brief moment, but I eventually was brought back to reality by a loud outburst.

"Ohhh, Zoey, girl I aint know you had it like that!" some random girl shouted while walking pass with her friends. I looked back and gave a nervous laugh, feeling a bit embarrassed by what just happened. I suddenly realized that I had Biology II with those girls. They barely said a word to me in class; I was surprised they even knew my name.

I looked back at riley. "Well, that was embarrassing.." I said, taking a step away from him.

"Why? Because you got caught kissing?" He asked.

I nodded my head, still feeling embarrassed by what just happened. "PDA just makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes"

"PDA?" Riley asked with a confused look.

"Public Display of Affection"

"Well, you gotta be more like me and not give any fucks about what people think."

"Maybe I should." I mumbled. Seconds later, I could see my mother's car pulling up to the school. "But now is not the time to not give any fucks…" I said nervously.

As my mother made it to the front of the school, she rolled down the passenger seat window and gave me a stern look. Riley kindly waved, but she looked uncaring of his greeting and made a weak hand movement in return of his gesture. I walked over to the car to explain my case.

"Mom, before you even get angry, remember, you said I couldn't hangout with Riley OUTSIDE of school."

"It's fine, Zoey. Get in the car, I have to make a quick stop to your Aunt's house."

"Can you just bring me home first? You how I feel about Jessica. I don't want to go near her." I protested.

"No, I'm not bringing you home." She hissed with a slight attitude. "You know you have a therapy session for 5:00 and besides, she's your cousin, Zoey. You need to settle things with her if she's going to be living in our house."

I looked back at Riley, who stood in the back watching us from a distance. I waved goodbye and opened the car door.

"Wait!" Riley exclaimed, walking over to car. He bent down to reach my mother's car window. "Hey, Ms. Anderson"

"Hi, Randy" she said nonchalantly.

He laughed. "It's Riley.."

"Oh, right. Did you want something?" she asked, taking a glance at her watch..

"I was wondering if it would be okay if I could start hanging out with Zoey again…you know…outside of school? I really miss spending time with her."

She shook her head. "I don't think it's a good idea. Zoey doesn't have time for a boyfriend, she has to focus on getting healthy first."

I abruptly intruded. "But that's not fair, mom. Riley is just a friend and my only friend. I think I deserve to get out of the house and enjoy myself every once in a while."

My mother glanced at Riley and then back at me. "We'll talk about this later, Zoey. Now hurry up and get in the car." She demanded.

I looked towards Riley. "That means no." I whispered. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I got in the car and closed the door, giving Riley one last look. I could tell he was disappointed just as much as I was about my mother's answer.

The car ride to Aunt Vanessa's house was nothing but awkward silence. I sat there in the front seat with my arms folded, looking out the window. I guess my mom got tired of the silence between us and decided to spark up a conversation.

"What ever happened to that Bradley guy…the one who took you to the fair?"

I turned towards her. "So, you can remember his name? A guy you only met once, but Riley's name is so difficult for you to remember?"

"I guess it's because there's nothing memorable about him. Bradley was well tailored, such a handsome boy too. So, what happened to him?"

"It just didn't work out. We had nothing in common" I said irritated.

My mother laughed and glanced over at me for a few seconds. "If you have nothing in common with him, what in the world do you have in common with this Riley boy?"

"We're both into art...and poetry... and besides that, He's very caring, he listens to me and for a short moment, actually makes me feel like I'm worth something.."

"You shouldn't have to depend on a guy to make you feel worth something."

We both stopped talking after that sentence, mainly because I didn't feel a need to respond. My mother continued to drive as I drifted off into daydream mode. 12 minutes had passed and we finally made it to my Aunt's house. We arrived at their pretty two story home with perfect landscaping. The grass was emerald green and neatly trimmed, fresh flowers on each side of the pathway which lead to the door. She definitely had our house beat by a long shot.

Later on, after getting settled in the house and getting commented on how much weight I loss from my aunt, she directed me upstairs to Jessica's room. I stood there in the hallway quietly. I refused to knock on her door and come in contact with her. I took out my phone and looked around to make sure no one was coming upstairs. I was going to text Riley to relieve my boredom, but as I was beginning to type, I heard a door creek open. I quickly placed my phone behind me. It was Jessica, walking out of her room, standing there looking skinny as ever in some pink cotton shorts that showed off her lovely brown skin tone. Her hair was curly and styled in a ponytail. I stood there silently, looking clueless with a mind full of jealousy. She was everything I was not.

"I didn't know you were here…" Jessica said.

"Yeah..I was just…standing in the hallway." I said awkwardly.

She laughed. "Why?"

"Your mom told me to come up here to say Hi..I didn't want to disturb you."

I noticed Jessica silently looking at me for a few seconds. "You've lost major weight since the last time I saw you."

"…maybe a few pounds, but nothing much" I responded.

"No, really…you look SO skinny, like you're skinnier than me now."

I shook my head disagreeing with her. "Not really.."

"You must be blind if you think I'm skinnier than you." She said.

"Or maybe I'm just mentally ill" I said in a low tone.

A look of confusion appeared on her face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...I starved myself to look like this and I'm still not satisfied."

She looked dumbfounded for a few seconds. "We need to talk." She said seriously. She walked into her bedroom and took a seat on the bed, which had about four fashion magazines lying around. I followed behind her and looked around the room. Her closet was open and filled with fancy clothes. She had pictures of runway models plastered on her wall. Her bed had a canopy over it, which gave it a royal vibe. She also had a full body mirror where I was able to see myself. I looked at my reflection for a few seconds, picking myself apart silently. Jessica took notice and decided to comment.

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?" she asked, still watching me as I stood there, studying my body.

"Why do you even care?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Because...I'm your cousin and I don't want to see you harm yourself like this."

"Oh, really? You are the main reason why I did this to myself." I snapped.

"….what?" She asked confused.

"You are the reason, Jessica." I answered in a stern voice. "You and all those other heartless idiots who teased me"

She continued to look baffled. "I don't understand how I'm at fault for you starving yourself…"

I sighed heavily, feeling a bit annoyed with her. Did she really erase all of those memories out of her head of her taunting me? Or was she really that stupid to actually think that teasing me about my weight would have no affect on me whatsoever?

I stopped standing by mirror and walked over to her. "So, you don't remember calling me fat, fat ass, fatty, chunky, whale? Should I continue on to refresh your memory some more?"

She looked at me upset. "Zoey…I'm sorry…I was a kid and kids say hurtful things sometimes."

"What about when you were 13?" I asked. You were a teenager and yet, you still made me feel like shit all of the time."

"Well, I'm sorry for hurting you like that Zoey, but I can't take it back."

"I just want to know… Why? Why did you do it?" I asked, trying to fight back tears. Just talking about the subject brought back bad memories.

She paused while fidgeting with her hands nervously "I did it because…I was jealous."

"Why in the world would you be jealous of me?" I asked annoyed.

Jessica had a brief moment of silence and then answered "Because you had a father in your life and I didn't. I just wanted to experience how it felt to have two parents in my life, instead of one. I guess my jealousy led to anger—and I took it out on you"

I turned away from her and walked over to a window in her room. I glanced out of the two story window, watching cars pass by.

"Trust me, having my father around for me was just like having no father at all." I said sadly, still gazing out the window to avoid eye contact.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He basically was an alcoholic. He talked down on me and my mother all of the time. Being around him wasn't easy."

"But...he seemed so nice" Jessica responded.

I turned to look at her, still standing by the window. "That's because he put on an act in front of you and Aunt Vanessa, but trust me, when we went home, it was a different story…he was a very abusive person."

"….I don't know what to say." Jessica said, looking in disbelief.

"No need to say anything" I responded. "I'm just glad we could have this talk. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, you know?"

"I agree" She said smiling. "I'm sure we'll have a lot of time to catch up when I move in with you guys.

I nodded my head and smirked. "Yeah."

"Maybe this moving in thing won't be so bad after all" I silently thought to myself.

After making it back home from therapy with my mom, I tried to quickly jog upstairs to my room. She stopped me in a matter of seconds. I didn't even make it to the second step.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

I pointed towards the stairs. "To my room…to do my homework…"

"You can do your homework after you eat. I made a plate for you in the kitchen."

"Awesome..." I said in a sarcastic tone. I made my way to the kitchen and noticed a big plate covered in foil. I turned back towards my mom, who was standing behind me, watching my every move.

"Take a seat" she ordered.

I sat down at the table, took a deep breath and peeled the foil off. A look of disgust appeared on my face after seeing a big glop of macaroni and cheese with a bunch of broccoli on the side. I didn't even like broccoli and the last time I had macaroni & cheese, I was in the 7th grade.

"…I can't eat this..it's just too much."

"How is it too much when you didn't take one bite?" she asked, slightly raising her voice.

"I mean mentally, this is too much for me. If I eat this…I'm going to hate myself for it."

She walked to the chair that stood across from me and sat down. "Zoey, I know that this isn't a walk in the park for you, but all I'm asking is for you to TRY? Can you do that for me?" she asked in soft sincere voice.

I decided to pick up the fork that was already on the plate. "…I guess I can try" I said

It took me 20 minutes to eat half of what was on the plate. I couldn't finish the rest, I honestly felt sick to my stomach. My mother knew I tried my best, she even said that I was able to hang with Riley if I wanted to on the weekend for making an effort.

Later on, Friday evening, my cousin Jessica decided she would take me to the mall to go shopping. I was a bit hesitant to go since we barely talked to each other, but she said it would be a good way for us to make up for lost time. She was paying for it and I needed the clothes. It was the only way I could finally get a new wardrobe since my mother had been focusing on paying bills. I waited for Jessica outside because she mentioned on the phone that she was five minutes away. Five minutes quickly turned into 15 and later on to 20. I was about to walk back in the house and wait inside, since it was beginning to get cold outside; The mid December weather was starting to break in. As I turned to the door to make my way in the house, I heard a light horn blow. I looked back and saw Jessica in her black convertible beetle.

"Sorry for being late." She shouted from the car.

I walked over to the beetle and got inside. "…it's fine" I said uncaringly. As usual Jessica was dressed as if she were going to a party, wearing high heels with a fancy top and some classy looking earrings dangling from her ears.

"So, we're just going to the mall, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, what mall do you want to go to?"

."Woodcrest Mall." I said, without hesitation.

"Why? Woodcrest is like 30 minutes away. Lakeside and Esplanade Mall are way closer."

"Yeah, but Woodcrest has better stuff." I lied casually. I honestly had no idea what Woodcrest Mall sold or had, but I did know it had a certain someone I wanted to see. It would be a great way for us to meet up.

"Fine, but if there's no good stuff, we're totally leaving." She said, putting her car in drive. I sensed her spoiled attitude starting to show again, but I guess she couldn't help herself. It's been that way since she was a kid. It seemed like the ride to the mall was longer than expected. Maybe it was because Jessica kept running her mouth about her private school and how hot the guys were. I couldn't get one word in even if I tried.

As we made it to the Woodcrest mall, I made a sigh of relief. "Oh, good, we're here." I said quickly getting out of the car. We both made our way inside. I glanced around as we continued to walk casually.

"So, where do you wanna go first? Hot Topic? That seems like your style" she said, looking at my clothes.

I brushed off her statement. "No, I'm actually looking for something different. I want a different look…a fresh start."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Like a makeover?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my god, I live for this. I have like every issue of Vogue and Elle magazine. I stalk fashion blogs daily, can I help you with this, please?"

"…Yeah...sure"

"Well, let's get to it, then." She said beginning to move quickly.

I stopped her in her tracks. "Wait, I have to tell you something.."

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I kind of texted a friend to meet me over here…hope that's okay with you"

"As long as she's not annoying, then it shouldn't be a problem." She said, flipping her hand through her hair.

"Well, it's actually a HE and he won't be annoying, I promise."

She smiled after my last sentence. "Wait a minute…He? Is he just a friend or a REALLY REALLY good friend?"

I made a light laugh. "I guess you can say the 2nd one..."

"So, when will he be here?" she anxiously asked.

"He shouldn't be long. He lives in Woodcrest."

Her eyes lit up again. "Really? I guess he has Woodcrest money too, huh?"

"um…...I guess so" I said, shrugging my shoulders.

I could tell by Jessica's excitement that she was expecting something much more in her league, She was definitely in for a surprise.

Since I told Jessica that a friend of mine would be joining us, we decided to wait by the food court area, so he could find us easily. While waiting, Jessica and I decided to get a cup of coffee. I sat at the table, stirring the cream and 0 calorie sugar in my cup of french roast while Jessica decided to stir up a conversation about my relationship.

"So, what's his name and what's he like?" she asked.

"His name is Riley and…he's…I can't describe it, but he's quite a character"

I took a sip of my coffee, and looked forward, I immediately noticed Riley walking in my direction and smiled lightly. "There he is" I said to Jessica.

She turned her head quickly. "Where?"

"He's walking right towards you."

"I can't see him" she said, lifting herself higher off the seat to get a better glance. "Is he behind the thuggish looking guy with the black the hoodie on?"

I ignored her as I saw Riley getting closer and closer. He finally came towards our table and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Hope I wasn't too late, I missed the first bus." He said, running his fingers through my hair, like he usually does.

"You catch the bus?" Jessica asked repulsed

Riley turned towards Jessica, who had a confused look on her face. "Yeah, I don't have a car and my bike has a flat. I'm Riley, by the way."

He greeted her, reaching out his hand to give her a handshake. She shook his hand carelessly. I could tell by her body language and facial expressions that she wasn't impressed.

"Is this the one from Woodcrest?" Jessica asked.

"I'm from Chicago, actually." Riley said. "We moved here when I was 8."

"Well, that figures…You definitely don't look like a Woodcrest resident." Jessica responded, eyeing his baggy clothing.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Riley said.

I, myself, began to get a little annoyed with Jessica sly rude comments. I didn't want the conversation between them to go any further, so I grabbed my cup of coffee and got up from my seat.

"So, are you ready to go shop?" I asked.

"Yeah" Jessica and Riley both replied at the same time.

Jessica looked at Riley irritated. "I think she was talking to me."

"No, actually she was talking to—"

"Okay, look, I was talking to the both of you, can we just go somewhere and look for clothes, please?"

"Fine" Jessica said. "Let's head over to J crew."

Walking into J Crew was so odd, the clothing inside, was far from my style, but I guess that was the whole purpose of this shopping trip, to try something different. It didn't take Jessica long to pick out something for me. We headed over to an area full of shirts that looked pretty basic in my opinion, but the price tags told me otherwise.

"115 dollars for a shirt?" I asked looking at Jessica, who had already picked up 6 shirts for me,

"Not just any shirt." Jessica said. "J Crew is all about quality…besides, I told you I'm paying for you, my treat."

"Yeah, but the clothes are just so expensive..I walked passed a sweater that cost 300 dollars."

Riley decided to cut in the conversation. "You know, Cindy shops at Forever 21, she say the clothes are really cheap there." Riley added.

I looked at Jessica for a response, but all she did was look even more irritated with Riley's suggestion.

"Can you just not talk? " Jessica asked, referring to Riley.

"I'll do even better, I'll just wait outside the store…"

"Okay, that'll be great." She responded with a fake smile.

I watched Riley walk out of the store looking upset. I turned back towards Jessica.

"You didn't have to talk to him like that." I said sternly.

"Sorry, but he was in the way. I wouldn't have said he could come if I knew he was going to look like a gang member or something-and he's like 12 years late for a hair cut. Zoey, you can do so much better, seriously, the guys at Sacred Heart Academy are so much hotter."

"You're doing it again" I said annoyed.

"Doing what?" Jessica questioned.

"Judging me! Since you can't call me fat anymore, now you're trying to bring me down about my own boyfriend"

"No..I didn't…I wasn't trying to—I just can't help it, I guess. I just think you deserve better."

"How do you know what I deserve? You barely know me and you definitely don't know Riley. Don't be so quick to judge, that's all I'm saying."

Jessica stood there with a bunch clothes in her hands and a remorseful face. "I'm sorry Zoey. I'll try to do my best to accept your….boyfriend…...can we continue shopping now?"

"Yeah, sure, but I should probably check on Riley first."

I left J Crew and saw Riley sitting on a bench that wasn't too far away from the store. He was listening to his Ipod. He took his earphones out when he noticed me walking over. I sat next to him.

"Yall done already?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No, I just came to check on you. I hope she didn't hurt your feelings."

He laughed. "Hurt my feelings?" he asked. "Nah, I just had to get outta there before I cursed her ass out."

I chuckled. "I'm sorry for texting you to meet me here. I should have just waited until Saturday, so we could be alone."

"Nah, It's coo…It lets me know that you're thinking about me."

"...Do you think about me as much as I think about you?" I asked.

"Always." He said, leaning in to kiss me. As we were about to kiss, the loud sound of Jessica calling my name, brought our short romance to a halt.

I sighed and looked towards her. "Yeah?"

"I need you to get over here ASAP, I found some amazing jeans for you."

"Okay. I'll be there in a second" I said. I brought my attention back to Riley. "Are you sure you don't wanna come back inside?" I asked

"Actually, I think I'm gonna just…walk around the mall. Text me when you're done shopping."

"So, basically…you coming here was a waste of your time." I said disappointed.

"Of course not, seeing you could never be a waste of time, whether it's for 2 minutes or 2 seconds." He said. I smiled at his kind hearted words. If only my mother could see this side of him, then she would be crazy about him as well. I heard my name being called once again by Jessica, causing me to shorten our conversation.

"Looks like I better get back inside." I kissed him on the cheek. "See you when I'm done" I said beginning to get up from the bench.

"Hold up." Riley said. "That was a weak ass kiss…I need a do-over." he said pulling me back.

I laughed and kissed his lips softly. "That's all you get for today" I said playfully.

"You gotta make up for that on Saturday." He replied.

Meanwhile, after returning back to the store with Jessica, She ended up picking out a bunch of stuff for me to try on, ranging from chic shirts to jeans to dresses and skirts in all colors. Jessica waited for me while I stood in the dressing room, trying things on. She was right by the door, running her mouth telling me about the latest fashion trends and how she's going to make me a fashionista, which I doubted very seriously.

I tried on a pair of size zero jeans and to my surprise, they felt tighter than usual. Size zeros were always loose on me and now they fit a little snug. Could I have gained weight that quickly or was it just my diseased mind playing tricks on me? I mean, I wanted to get healthy and gain a few pounds, but not this fast.

After finishing shopping with Jessica, our hands were full bags that were filled with clothes from J Crew, Guess, and Michael Kors. We sat at the bench that was near the entrance of the mall and waited for Riley. We had small talk for a few minutes, later on we noticed Riley walking towards us, but I immediately noticed a small gold bag in his hand.

"What do you have there?" I asked pointing towards his bag.

"Just a little something I bought for you."

"Well, let me see it." I said excitedly, reaching my hand out.

He moved his hand, placing the bag out of my reach. "I can't show you just yet."

"Well…can I get a hint or something?" I asked, my eyes still glued to the small bag.

He shook his head and grinned. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

After returning home from spending some time with Riley and Jessica, my mom insisted on me helping her with dinner. I wasn't really complaining since it wasn't that bad, grilled tofu and spinach lasagna seemed like a healthy meal. I sat at the table, watching my mother as she cooked the tofu. I had no choice since she refused to let me leave the kitchen until I was done eating.

"So, where do you plan on going tomorrow with you know who?" My mother asked

"We might go to the movies or something."

"So, who's going to bring you?"

"His brother…" I replied.

"And How old is his brother?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes since her back was turned. She was doing it again, the annoying 21 questions.

"His brother is 16 years old and he has a license."

"I don't understand. Why can't one of his parents bring you guys to the movies?"

"Well, his parents are deceased. He lost them at a very young age."

"So, who's the guardian?" She asked, continuing to cook on the stove.

"He lives with his grandfather who's fairly old-He doesn't like driving much..sooo…I guess that's why Huey brings Riley everywhere."

"Hmph.."

"What's that's supposed to mean?" I asked.

"…What?"

"You said hmph…why did you say that?"

"Well, now that you mentioned him having no parents, I can understand why he is the way he is…he had no guidance throughout his childhood."

"That's quite a bold statement for someone you barely know." I said, waiting for her to respond.

But my mother didn't respond back, just continued to cook dinner. I sat at the table, silently thinking to myself about her statements. I didn't know how much more of her ignorance I could take. I felt a confrontation coming on sooner or later.

The Date

Luckily, I chose not to get too dressed up for my date with Riley. A date to the movies was changed to a casual day of hanging out at his house. I wore some of the new clothes Jessica had bought for me, which were dark blue skinny jeans, a long sleeve sheer white chiffon shirt with Jeffrey Campbell lita boots. It was nothing outrageous, but definitely a change from wearing black all the time. I laid on his bed, looking through a sketchpad of his. It had a bunch of drawings, mostly of rappers, guns, violence related things, but his drawing skills were extraordinary. I looked over at Riley as he reached for something in his dresser drawer. I noticed him putting something in his pocket. I brushed it off and paid it no mind, continuing to flip through pages of his sketchpad.

"Riley, you have so much talent. People at school really underestimate you. I think you have so much potential to go outside your limits. There's so much to draw other than rappers…and guns"

He laughed and joined me on the bed. "Yeah, I know. I did those drawings months ago. I guess it's time I start fresh."

"Exactly" I said.

"You should let me draw you."

"There's much better things to draw than me." I responded insecurely.

"What is it going to take for you to see how beautiful you are?" he asked.

"A miracle" I replied in a vapid tone.

"You're beautiful inside and out." He said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a tiny little box. "I wanted to give this to you yesterday, but I wanted us to be alone."

I sat up to get a better glance as he opened the box. I thought maybe it was a cute pair of earrings, but to my surprise, it was a lovely gold ring with a small diamond. I didn't know if it was real or not and I didn't care. Just the thought of him of doing this made my heart smile.

He took out the ring, bringing it to my hands. As he slid the ring on my finger, he looked into my eyes. His face was covered with compassion.

"I may not be that good at explaining my feelings, but actions do speak louder than words, right?"

"You don't have to say anything." I glanced at the ring on my finger and smiled. "l love it." I said, kissing him softly. Softly soon turned to more passionate, filled with a bunch of emotions running through my mind. How could a 15 year old girl feel so strongly about someone? Was I ….in love? Whatever the feeling was, It was euphoric and I enjoyed every minute of it.

When I returned home from my date with Riley, I saw mother sitting on the couch. She immediately turned towards me when she heard me walk through the door.

"So, how was your date?" She asked playfully.

I smiled, walking over to the couch. "It was good.…actually...it was great." I said sitting down next to her.

"So, what movie did you two see?"

I hesitated a bit, not knowing whether I wanted to tell the truth or not, but I decided to be honest. "Actually the movie we wanted to see was sold out, so we hung out at his house."

Her face turned from playful to serious. "You hung out at his house? Why didn't you ask me first?"

"..I …I thought you would be cool with it. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that he's a 14 year old boy with raging hormones."

I shook my head. "It's not like that with us. Riley and I have something…something special."

She put her hand over her face as if the whole conversation was beginning to irritate her. "Oh, god, Give me a break. You're 15, Zoey."

"I may be 15, mom, but I know what I'm feeling. I admit I was a bit confused in the beginning, but my emotions couldn't be any clearer now."

"But what are his emotions?" My mother asked. "He may like you at the moment, but you have to be sure that his intentions are good-how do you know that his intentions are genuine?"."

"It's like you're doing your best to ignore the TRUE side of him. Do you really think that he would stick around and be bothered with a girl who starves, cuts, and hates herself. I'm a freaking disaster and he still wants to be with me. I know it's hard to believe, but he sees something beautiful inside of me…I don't why—but he does—and for you to constantly dismiss that, makes me really question if you really care about me being happy?"

"What?" my mother asked angry, getting off the couch. "Of course, I care about you being happy, Zoey, I want what's best for you."

"Okay, so, let me be happy. Stop trying to control every single part of my life!"

I got off the couch and rushed up the stairs, once again a good day has been ruined because of unnecessary drama. I went in the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Tears began to run down my face. It wasn't just because of our argument, but dealing with everything combined was taking a toll on me. I opened the medicine cabinet and looked for something sharp. I searched and searched, finally spotting a small pair of scissors that my mom kept for trimming her hair. I grabbed them, I took a deep a breath as tears continued to roll down my cheeks, I bit my lip, feeling a bit unsure whether I wanted to do this or not, unfortunately, my negative outweighed the positive. I sat down on the floor, rolled up my sleeve and brought the small scissors to my arm, for some reason I was still skeptical about doing this. Even though I wanted to cut so badly, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I exhaled deeply, feeling hopeless, lost, and confused. "When was this going to end?" I thought to myself. I sat inside the bathroom for 3 hours, drowning in my thoughts. My mother came upstairs to check on me, I lied and told her I was taking a bath, trying to calm my nerves.

The next day, around 12:00 on a Sunday afternoon, Riley and I sat in that beautiful area he brought me before with the gorgeous green trees. I needed to talk to someone desperately, someone who might have some kind of understanding of the way I was feeling. We both laid down on the grass near the lake. It was very serene, which was exactly what I needed to clear my thoughts. I looked above at the sky silently as Riley softly caressed me.

"Riley, can I ask you a question?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah" he said.

"You have to promise you won't get mad…"

"I promise."

"What would you do…If you found out I killed myself?"

"What?" he asked, quickly letting go of me. He sat up and looked at me suspiciously. "Why would you ask something like that?"

I sighed. "You said you wouldn't get mad."

"I'm not!." He said, raising his voice.

"Yes, you are…"

"Well, that question was very unexpected…I hope you don't think about doing shit like that."

I looked down at the grass silently for a few seconds. "Sometimes it seems like the best thing."

"Killing yourself is just a cop out and it's selfish. Do you know how many people you would hurt if you did something like that?"

"It's not like that many people care about me anyways, so what's the big deal?" I asked, frustrated.

"The big deal is that I care about you, but I guess that doesn't mean much to you, huh?"

"….of course it does, Riley. My feelings for you are stronger than you can imagine."

"Then don't give up" he said grabbing my face gently. He looked at me with sincere eyes. "I know you can get through this."

I closed my eyes for a brief moment to hold back tears from falling. "I just want this to be over, Riley. I want to enjoy life…not fear it."

"Well, you have to do what it takes. Get help."

"But I have a therapist already…"

"I mean—you should go to a recovery clinic, stay there for a few months, so you can get healthy."

I shook my head silently. "I can't do that…I just…I can't."

"…You can't? Or you just won't…? " he asked. "How do you know what you're capable of, if you don't even try?"

"Recovery takes months Riley, if I go away…you won't see me for a while."

"Well, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I rather you leave for a few months to get healthy than to be with you everyday and watch you deteriorate into nothing."

I looked down at the grass, feeling ashamed of myself. I couldn't believe I had gotten in so deep. I took a few deep breaths to relax myself, If I was going to make this decision to actually get serious professional help, I had to be 100 percent sure.

I looked back towards Riley."If I do this recovery thing, just promise me that I won't be a memory." I said as my eyes began to water. "Who knows who you'll meet while I'm gone, you're the only friend I have; I can't lose you"

"Zoey, I could never do that." He said, placing his arm around me. "Believe it or not, you really helped in ways I would've never imagined."

"In what way?" I asked curiously.

"You helped me to not be scared to be my true self. I'm still Riley, you know. But I'm just not afraid to show my emotions with you. I can't do that with anyone else…. I've grown to have some really strong feelings for you."

I smiled softly while looking at him. "What kind of strong feelings?" I asked.

"Very strong." He replied.

I chuckled at his response, I wanted to pull those three simple, but yet, so strong words out of him.

"Well, I have very strong feelings for you, too. Extremely strong…"

He looked at me silently for a few seconds, but it was like I could read his eyes, they were so genuine. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me softly.

"I love You, Zoey."

Even though I waited to hear him tell me those three words for quite a while, it took a few seconds for me to take in what he had just said. I never in my life had someone other than a family member tell me they love me. It was a great feeling that words couldn't describe.. I placed my hand into his, letting our fingers interlock.

"I love you, too." I whispered softly.

At that moment, I knew I wanted to change. I truly wanted to recover.